Tag: The Children’s Society

Evenings Of Ten Pin Bowling In Romford With Z/Yen & The Children’s Society Crowd, 3 December 1998 & 15 February 1999

Photo by Xiaphias, CC BY-SA 3.0

My memories from these particular evenings are fairly impressionistic.

We had good turnout from the Z/Yen crowd, despite the fact that none of us were really into ten-pin bowling. The Children’s Society (TCS) turnout was not as good, although Charles Bartlett and Tony Duggan were into ten-pin bowling.

I think one of these evenings must have been the first time I met Dot Bartlett. Probably the second one when Janie also came along.

Despite Charles’s constant jokes about Romford being a gangsta’s paradise, the Romford bowling alleys we attended seemed remarkably peaceful and friendly. Perhaps Charles made it known to the Romford underworld that he was being visited by people he considered to be family and that, therefore, “this ain’t your night”. Ever “Charley the Gent Malloy”, is Chas.

I say alleys rather than alley, as I think we went to a different place each time. Perhaps the place known 25 years later as Namco Funscape the first time, then a place now known as Rollerball the second time.

I remember Elisabeth Mainelli doing exceptionally well, especially on that first occasion, having said that she had never so much as seen a ten-pin bowling alley before.

Charles insisted on having Teresa Bestard (who worked for Z/Yen but was doing a lot of work with TCS at that time) on his team. I don’t think this was a tactical move in the matter of improving the standard of his team, but it was an attempt to even up the sides, at least numbers-wise.

Naturally TCS prevailed the first time regardless of the intricacies of team selection and numbers.

In kicking off the arrangements for the second event, I wrote:

I promised to come up with some Monday dates for bowling.  Janie is currently keeping Monday 8 February and Monday 15 February evenings free.  If you recall, we plugged for Monday evening to enable Dean Burnell to attend.

The Z/Yen team been training hard for many weeks now.  I’m not sure whether the management skills training will help the bowling – we’ll find out.

Chas replied:

Both dates are good for me although the second date (15 Feb) probably best as I am on leave to whole week prior to the 8th Feb and it would be helpful that I am around.

How many do you anticipate from Z/Yen for the ritual slaughter?

regards

Charles.

It might or might not have been ritual slaughter. I seem to recall Z/Yen doing a bit better second time around. But my main memory of the event was Janie trying to put Chas off while he was bowling, by wandering down the side of the lane, within his peripheral view, staring like an avid fan at Chas preparing his shot.

Chas got really discombobulated by this trick, claiming a complete inability to concentrate, keep a straight face and/or complete his bowl.

I think Chas might be over it by now, 25 years later. I have a feeling it didn’t stop TCS from winning again.

Chas was over it by 12 September 2005, when we saw England regain The Ashes at The Oval

Windows, A Lyric For Charles And Mike, 29 June 1998

Image produced in collaboration with Dall-E

In honour of Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett’s impending visit to Lord’s today (as I write on 21 April 2017) I was reminded of the following lyric.

It is one of the very last I wrote using Amipro and therefore part of the batch I am trying to rescue onto Ogblog before my old computer passes away…

…and the subject matter, ironically, is IT. I wrote this (and several others for The Children’s Society Windows Rollout team) ahead of a team end of project session at Wadderton.

The project parodied in the song was sensibly written up in a seminal piece by me and Charles for the charity press (NGO Finance) a few months later – click here if you want to know about it.

Charles likes a bit of metal – both the IT and musical variety, so the choice of tune was, I think, a good one. I wonder what Charles will think of this well-geeky lyric nearly 20 years on?

PLANNING A ROLLOUT OF WINDOWS
(Epic To the Tune of “Stairway To Heaven”)
VERSE 1

There’s a fellow whose mode-,
-em is not Dacom Gold,
And the name of that bloke is Charles Bartlett;
When he breaks wind you’ll know,
As the windows are closed,
If that noise was a burp or a fartlett.
Mmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmm,
And he’s planning a rollout of Windows.

VERSE 2

There’s a sign on the door,
Cos he wants to be sure,
And the sign reads “IT room, no entry”;
I suspect that the room’s,
Got NS Optimum’s,
Entire stock ’til the end of the century.
Ooooooooooh, it makes me wonder.
Ooooooooooh, it makes me wonder.

VERSE 3

There’s a feeling I get,
When I call the helpdesk,
That they and Z/Yen are drinking Bacardi;
I get fine, rum advice,
‘Tho’ they ask in a trice,
Tony Duggan or Michael Bernardi.
Ooooooooooh, it makes me wonder.
Ooooooooooh, and it makes me wonder.

VERSE 4

And it’s whispered that soon,
Yes by the end of June,
TCS will have rolled out completely;
ITSOs and Marion,
Will still carry on,
FMI Windows training discretely.

VERSE 5

If there’s a gremlin in your Windows,
Don’t be alarmed now,
It’s just a browser from Bill Gates;
Yes there are two paths you can go by,
But in the long run,
He’ll make you buy Windows 98.
Ooooooooh, that’s how he’s made his fortune.

VERSE 6

Your modem’s humming but you don’t know,
Because it’s so slow,
If you’ve got e-mail or been forsook;
Perhaps the server’s full of e-trash,
Or had a head crash,
Or just can’t load Microsoft Outlook.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(AIR GUITAR BREAK)

VERSE 7

Charles and Mike Smith have bought the road,
I’m talking Tottenham Court Road;
Up walks the lady we all know (“watcha Mangal”),
Whose eyes light up to say “hello,
What have you guys bought from the stores?
We have to budget very hard,
None of that corporate charge card,
This recent rollout really shows, (yeh)
That Windows costs a lot of dough.”

OUTRO – MIKE AND CHARLES’ REPLY

“We were buying some spares and cheap modems”.

Here is Led Zeppelin singing Stairway To Heaven with the lyrics shown on screen. I can do a passable Stairway on the baritone ukulele, btw, but I’m not expecting Chas to ask for a performance. Mike Smith, on the other hand, might insist upon it…