Rugby Love, NewsRevue Lyric, 26 February 1995

I’ve never much liked rugby and in this lyric I gave the sport the treatment.

But I don’t think this lyric ever made the NewsRevue cut.

RUGBY LOVE
(To the Tune of “Puppy Love”)

(The player/singer should be as heavily bandaged and crutch-ridden as scene change time will allow)

VERSE 1

And they call it rugby love,
Oh I guess you’ll never know;
Why I’m face down in the mud,
In the winter rain and snow.

VERSE 2

Yes, they call it rugby love,
Just because we’re such a team;
If I crush you with my studs,
Its just the way I let off steam.

MIDDLE EIGHT

I cry each night,
But I’m tough as nails, right?
Like the nails in my limbs for to pin.
I hope and I pray,
I heal and can play,
At the one {at the one}
Sport sometimes {sport sometimes}
England win {play the one sport sometimes England win}.

VERSE 3

Someone help me, help me, help me please,
I got crushed bad in the scrum;
When some bastard grabbed my ball,
And some prick squashed up my bum.
{Yes some prick squashed up his bum}.

VERSE 4

Someone help me, help me, help me please,
Is the answer up above? (Chorus holds a sign over his head which reads “Testosterone Kid”, “Lunatic”, “Woofter” or anything else that might raise a laugh)
When I’m rucking with my team,
It is not a rugby love.
{It is not a rugby love}.

Here’s Donny on YouTube, with the lyrics in the text underneath if you load it in YouTube proper: