Heatwave, NewsRevue Lyric (Probably Unused), 14 May 1992

Hmmm. A generic song about heatwaves.

This one certainly didn’t make the cut when first submitted to the Random run that spring and I’m not sure I tried resubmitting it all that hard.

I might have had Spitting Image in mind for this one. I know I sent them some stuff around that time, probably including this one, only to discover that they were off air spring/summer.

There are some good lines but it would be wicked hard to perform. I was still learning then…still am.


(To the tune of “Heatwave”)



Whenever the sun shines, {Ooohhh}

And Britain is warm;{Britain is warm}

Sun reporters,{Ooohhh}

And photographers swarm.



Could it be, a chance to see,{aaahhh, aaahhh}

Tit and bum on page one instead of three?{aaahhh, aaahhh}

Cos it’s a heatwave,{Cos it’s a heatwave,}

We’ve shots of Princess Di,{Cos it’s a heatwave,}

That prove she must shave,{Cos it’s a heatwave,}

Her armpits and her thighs.



There’s always one arsehole,{do wah, do wah}

Ends up breaking his spine;{yeh, heatwave, yeh}

He dives, head first,{do wah, do wah}

Into the Serpentine.{yeh, heatwave, yeh}



He doesn’t mind being half alive,{aaahhh, aaahhh}

Cos he made the news at five-forty-five.{aaahhh, aaahhh}

There’s still a brain wave,{There’s still a brain wave,}

Although it’s only faint,{There’s still a brain wave,}

There’s still a brain wave,{There’s still a brain wave,}

Oh – now there ain’t.



Take a trip to Margate,{do wah, do wah}

But you’re sure to get home late,{yeh, heatwave, yeh}

(British Rail Announcer)

“There’s no train service, ’till further notice,{do wah, do wah}

The sun has melted all the track”{yeh, heatwave, yeh}



Cos this whole country’s brought to its knees,{aaahhh, aaahhh}

As soon as the gauge shows eighty degrees,{aaahhh, aaahhh}

It’s called a heatwave.{It’s called a heatwave.}

Yeh yeh, yeh yeh, oh yeh, {Phew what a scortcher, this heat is torture}

Yeh yeh, yeh yeh, oh yeh, {Phew what a scortcher, this heat is torture}

This heatwave’s small beer, we get one every year

But its a heatwave!!!

Here is a vid of the wonderful Martha & The Vandellas singing Heatwave to a rather sedate-looking English audience:

…and here is a link to the lyrics of Martha & the Vandellas’s Heatwave.

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