Matchwinner Matchwinner, NewsRevue Lyric (Probably Unused), 22 May 1995

Imran Khan and Jemima Goldsmith was a big story back then.

Not content with my unsubtle “Snatchbroker” treatment of the Matchmaker tune from Fiddler on the Roof, from 1992 – click here – I wrote this.

It fails rather a lot of PC tests on rereading; race, sex, socio-economic group…oh dear.

I do still like the fake rhyme with Kharach-ee. That made me smile.

(To the Tune of “Matchmaker, Matchmaker”)

MRS GOLDSMITH: Matchmaker, matchmaker make her a match,
Find one who’s rich, and up to scratch,
Stockbroker, fundstrader, someone with spunk,
Jemima would like to hatch.

JEMIMA: Matchwinner, matchwinner, you are my match,
You, Imran Khan, came on my patch;
Matchwinner matchwinner, though you may come,
From Pakistan’s town Kharach…..

MRS GOLDSMITH: (…ee) Jemima make him a scholar,
JEMIMA: But scholars say that we should not wed;
MRS GOLDSMITH: Perhaps I can bake him a challa, (pronounced with a germanic “ch” followed by “olar” as in “scholar”)
JEMIMA: My Imran don’t dig on that kind of bread.

JEMIMA: Matchwinner, matchwinner, crickets your game,
If we have sons, they’ll have your name;
And play for England if they choose the same,
BOTH: So paparazzi,
Muse on this truth,
Jemima might be,
One English youth,
Who’s able to hold her catch.

Here is Matchmaker Matchmaker from the film of Fiddler:

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