Bagels In The Morning, Comedy Lyric, 7 June 1991

This is one of my very first comedy lyrics, written with no particular purpose. I’d been listening to a fair smattering of Allan Sherman and Weird Al Yankovic at that time; it shows.

The term “JAP” below is an acronym, as defined here, should be written J.A.P.

I did adapt/write a topical version of this lyric for NewsRevue a couple of years later, with Barbara Streisand as the J.A.P.


BAGELS IN THE MORNING

 
(The JAP version of “Angel of the Morning”)
 
VERSE ONE
 
You tell me I am your princess,
So let’s go buy more jewels and gold.
If it is your aim to impress,
Then spend, and do what you are told.
 
A guy who’s so fast with the ladies,
Should drive at least a white Mercedes.
 
 
CHORUS
 
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese,
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
But pickled herrings make me sneeze.
 
 
VERSE TWO
 
I was not quite so rational,
When we met in Siena,
I called you Hebrew National,
But meant Cocktail Vienna.
 
In your virility I trusted,
But you didn’t cut the mustard.
 
 
CHORUS
 
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese,
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
But pickled herrings make me sneeze.
 
 
Some with seeds and onions
 
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
 
FADE
 

This lyric works with the song Angel Of The Morning, which has been recorded by dozens of people, but in 1991 I only had the PP Arnold recording to hand:

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