This was a rewrite of one of my earliest comedy lyrics.
The original was generic, but the rewrite was intended for NewsRevue – in honour of Barbra Streisand’s much publicised affair with Andre Agassi, which Agassi at one time described as “like wearing hot lava”.
I don’t think this lyric was ever used in the show.
BAGELS IN THE MORNING – VERSION TWO
(To the Tune of “Angel of the Morning”)
VERSE 1 – BARBARA STREISAND
You tell me I am your princess,
And Barbara Streisand’s all the rage;
You, Andre, fell for my caress,
Despite the fact I’m twice your age.
Our love affair is so audacious,
That when I wake up I’m voracious.
CHORUS 1 – BARBARA STREISAND
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese,
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
I’ve conquered Andre Agassi.
VERSE 2 – ANDRE AGASSI AND BARBARA STREISAND
ANDRE:You were a less assertive catch,
When we met at the Open;
I courted you game set and match,
BARBARA:With fumbling and gropin’.
In your virility I trusted,
But you didn’t cut the mustard.
CHORUS 2 – ANDRE AGASSI
ANDRE:I’ll need some new balls in the morning,
I need to work on my forehand;
My only service ace this morning,
Is bringing bagels for Streisand.
BARBARA:Some with seeds and onions,
CHORUS 3 – BARBARA STREISAND {AND ANDRE AGASSI IN HARMONY}
Go fetch me bagels in the morning, {I’ll fetch her bagels in the morning}
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese, {I’ll fetch her….}
Go fetch me bagels in the morning, {I’ll fetch her bagels in the morning}
ANDRE:This cow’s impossible to please.
I demonstrated a suitable tune on the 1991 version with PP Arnold’s rendition of Angel Of The Morning. Here is Juice Newton’s rendition of the same song: