Once I became ensconced with the NewsRevue writing team, I soon learnt that the use of the tune YMCA for a story about something with a four-letter acronym was gauche and inherently likely to be rejected.
But back in August 1991, when I was just starting to write humorous songs, mostly because they seemed to be popping into my head and made useful party pieces, I was unaware of such rules.
But of course Spitting Image didn’t actually use it. No-one used it, apart from me; down the pub and on the Notting Hill dinner party circuit, when that circuit was still suitably edgy.
On re-reading the song nearly 25 years later, I do still like some of the lyrics and think some of the lines are pretty good/funny. Sadly, the sentiments around money laundering, drug money, arms money, secrecy and the super-rich getting away (metaphorically and sometimes literally) with murder, still very much apply.
Any resemblance between the name of the defunct, corrupt bank known as BCCI, and that of the manifestly pure Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI), is purely coincidental.
♬ BCCI ♬
(To the tune of “YMCA”)
VERSE 1
Con man, there’s a place you can go,
Con man, when you’ve lifted some dough,
You can bank there, and I’m sure you will find,
Many friends with whom you’ve done time.
Con man, what’s that under you’re bed,
Con man, wads of steaming green bread,
Con man, I suggest that instead,
You invest with BCCI.
CHORUS 1
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
It’s not like Coutts, you don’t need to be posh,
It’s the place to launder your dosh.
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
You don’t have to be good, you don’t have to be straight,
You will get a huge interest rate.
VERSE 2
Gun man, you should not be pissed off,
Gun man, buy a Kalashnikov,
With a loan then, when you blow a head off,
You won’t need to cross-fire payments.
Gun man, what are you after next,
Gun man, buy a pound of Semtex,
With a card that, you are able to flex,
Buy your plastic with our plastic.
CHORUS 2
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
You can pay for your gun, you can make a new pal,
Called Saddam or Abu Nidal.
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
If guns for Iran isn’t quite what you want ya,
Can be debited with a Contra.
VERSE 3
Drug man, why don’t you take a cruise,
On the proceeds, of your sales of the blues,
To the Caymans, where the BCCI,
Will inject cash in your business.
Drug man, while you’re making your cash,
Drug man, selling kilos of hash,
You can invest, and it’s quite above board,
It’s all secret in Luxemborg.
CHORUS 3
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
They haven’t got decimal currency,
They’re still working in LSD,
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
It’s great to bank with the BCCI,
This is the place for your cash from cocaine,
But you won’t see your dosh again.
REPEAT CHORUSES
FADE
Billington on Napoli Sat, Jun 29, 1991 – 21 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com
Coveney on Napoli Sun, Jun 30, 1991 – 48 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com