A Submission Sheet To Keith Wickham, NewsRevue, 11 May 1993

This is a useful note, in that it confirms that Keith Wickham went straight from cast to director at that time. It also helps confirm which of my extant batch of songs had not been used yet, to me, still felt current/useful.

If I recall correctly, Keith used plenty of mine, but probably not these ones.



LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING


                                       KEITH WICKHAM MAY-JUNE 1993 RUN
 
Dear Keith
 
There seems little point in my submitting the material that is currently being used, as I believe that you and Dan are to continue in the show.  I am therefore just submitting material that has been cruelly overlooked before, some of which may match the skills of your new troop and which is not too long in the tooth.  I shall obviously submit new material as and when it comes to me.
 
Please do call me and let me know what sort of things you are short of/need and I shall try to oblige.
 
See you soon.
 

Song Title Original Title/Artist on Tape New/Nil
jimmy knapp jimmy mack/martha and the vandellas y
bosnia-herzegovina copacabana/barry manilow y
grunge clobber wearer guantanamera/pete seger y
zaire of the brat year of the cat/al stewart y
if i had a ….. if i had a hammer/trini lopez y
my genitalia my generation/who y
don’t leave me this space dont leave me this way/harold melvin & bluenotes y
heatwave heatwave/martha and the vandellas y
mushrooms under my skin i’ve got you under my skin/frank sinatra y
fair weather friend you’ve got a friend/carole king y

I Was Asil Nadir’s Girlfriend, NewsRevue Lyric, 9 May 1993

Asil Nadir was a Turkish Cypriot businessman whose conglomerate, Polly Peck, which owned Del Monte amongst many other well-known brands, got into a spot of difficulty around this time. Asil did a runner and remained a fugitive for a very long time. More recently he faced justice did time.

This lyric was not used as far as I can recall. It doesn’t have a great deal going for it, in truth.

I WAS ASIL NADIR'S GIRLFRIEND (To the Tune of "I Was Kaiser Bill's Batman")


(The girls each stand on opposite sides of the stage. The henchmen stand in between them. Ideally, the girls have blond wigs and the henchmen have dark glasses and jackets.)


VERSE 1 – GIRL NUMBER ONE

Asil Nadir made knickers here,
I was Asil Nadir’s girlfriend;
Now that Nadir’s in Nicosia,
I suppose I’m his ex girlfriend.
Gave me fresh tights three times a night,
All with a Polly Peck label;
I was the only girl made him feel right,
Till Asil bolted the stable.

VERSE 2 – GIRL NUMBER TWO

Asil Nadir was so sincere,
He was the man from Del Monte;
His fruit I guess made me say yes,
Like in a film by Visconti.
Went mad a bit, banana split,
He ran away from his court case;
He was so faithful and he left about,
Five hundred new shirts at my place.

VERSE 3 – THE HENCHMEN
(While the henchmen are singing – one of the girls goes behind them and finds the other girl)

Asil Nadir, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me}
Hassle and fear, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me}
We are Asil Nadir’s henchmen; {BOTH GIRLS: Asil Nadir’s true love}
Each of his dames, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me}
Believe his claims, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me}
She is the one girl he’s wenching. {BOTH GIRLS: Asil Nadir’s true love}
Asil Nadir, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me}
Made our career, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me}
Keeping his skirt segregated; {BOTH GIRLS: Hey, who the hell are you?}
If we should let those birds catch Asil out,
{BOTH GIRLS: We’ll both make Asil sweat}
We’ll both be deconjugated.
If we should let those birds catch Asil out,
We’ll both be deconjugated.
(The henchmen, spotting the girls are now together, both point and yell:)
Oy.

The above lyric works well to the tune of I Was Kaiser Bill’s Batman:

https://youtu.be/zQQ5sEOhbjQ

Baby Doll by Andrew Poppy & Tennessee Williams, Cottesloe Theatre, 8 May 1993

This piece was billed as:

a new chamber opera based on the original screenplay…

…perhaps we should have paid heed to that billing.

It was not to our taste.

It was part of the Springboards season, of which we saw three productions at the Cottesloe in two weeks. This was the second of the three we saw.

Below is a review from The Guardian – opera review rather than theatre review please note:

Baby Doll May 1993Baby Doll May 1993 Tue, May 11, 1993 – 28 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

The Observer review can be seen as part of the article (including the picture) below:

Observer May 1993 CottesloeObserver May 1993 Cottesloe Sun, May 9, 1993 – 55 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

We stayed at mine that weekend. Whether I cooked or we got a takeway on the way home is lost in the mists of time.

I do recall Janie trying to sound like the atonal operatic voices in this misguided Baby Doll production for some while after the show.

Oh dear.

The One And Only Time My Parents Came To See NewsRevue, Canal Cafe Theatre, Guessing 6 May 1993

My parents only came to see NewsRevue once and it seems to have escaped my diary as an “event”.

In those days, I was regularly going on a Thursday evening as long as I didn’t have anything else on, so it could easily have been scheduled quite casually and I do not recall anything as event-like as having dinner with the folks before the show or anything like that.

Of course, we now (he says writing in 2019) know that NewsRevue is a Guiness World Record holding show which has been going for over 40 years:

…but I think to my folks, especially my mum, it was just some sophomoric thing I was doing as a vague hobby.

I remember dad liking the show.

I remember mum not liking it.

I remember the director, Michael Eriera, ever the professional, making a fuss over my parents for a while when they visited, which helped to make them feel special and was a nice touch.

The reason I think it was probably this particular Thursday (or the one after) is linked to my Michael Eriera-linked memory of that evening. I wasn’t around for all that many Thursdays of Michael’s runs.

I remember mum saying, I paraphrase only slightly:

I’d have thought you’d got all this sort of thing out of your system when you were at university, dear.

That was me told.

Still not totally out of my system – sorry mum.

A Letter To Michael Eriera Re NewsRevue, 5 May 1993

The lot of a NewsRevue writer – opinion polls don’t always help planning political comedy songs – especially when the polls move. Indeed the Liberals did pull off a surprise win in the Newbury by-election.

The Zany Tony Song is this one – here and below:

Beckett, Smith, Claire Short And Zany Tony Blair, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 April 1993

As for the Social Chapter opt out clause from the Maastricht treaty, it was something to do with labour laws and became obsolete even before the Brexity business…but in truth I’m none the wiser now…

                                                                 5 May 1993

 

Dear Michael

 

I have taken a look at the Zany Tony song and have concluded that you only need to change a couple of lines at the end for the song to work perfectly well in the event of a Liberal win.

 

Who needs alliance,

To gain triumphs?

The Liberals won it fair and square,

And the Labour chappie came nowhere,

We’re Beckett, Smith, Claire Short and zany Tony Blaire.

 

The Liberals seem to be doing so well that I suggest you swop in these lines for Thursday (and swop back to the original if the polls are wrong and the Tory limps home).

 

Consider also changing the spoken bit in the Maastricht song to cover the Social Chapter issue which seems to be so big this week.

 

MAJOR:This is a special bulletin.  Ma Stricht is the Tory Whip’s most considerably wanted treaty.  Oh yes.  If anyone can explain what the Social Chapter Opt Out clause means, please report immediately to Tory Central Office.

THATCHER:Don’t anybody move.  Hand over that treaty.

 

 

Please have a think about any new areas that you would like to me to cover over the next couple of weeks and we can chat about them on Thursday.  As you reckon that Keith is already warming up to take over, perhaps have a word with him about what he is looking for.  I am unlikely to get much chance to write again for a couple of weeks after the coming weekend.

 

See you tomorrow.

Lunch With “Pussycat” Michelle & Joe in Amersham, 2 May 1993

Janie had a former colleague and friend named Michelle. Janie called her “Pussycat Michelle”.

We visited Michelle and her partner Joe for lunch in Amersham for lunch on this Sunday.

I recall little about the lunch, other than some good food (Michelle’s French background was telling) and a little bit of whacky backy from Joe after lunch.

They were good company, those two, but it always seemed difficult to fix up times to see them, so there were few (if any) repeats. Certainly we only made the one visit there.

Good times.

Somewhere by Judith Johnson, Cottesloe Theatre, 1 May 1993

Janie and I went threee times in a fortnight to see RNT Studio plays at the Cottesloe. This was the first of those three visits. It was a modern Liverpudlian play of the post-Thatcherism variety. We thought it was a very good play and really enjoyed (if that is the right word) this production.

Michael Church gave it a very good review in the Observer:

Observer May 1993 CottesloeObserver May 1993 Cottesloe Sun, May 9, 1993 – 55 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Michael Billington similarly applauded the project in The Guardian:

Billington Springboards May 1993Billington Springboards May 1993 Tue, May 4, 1993 – 23 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com