I Was Asil Nadir’s Girlfriend, NewsRevue Lyric, 9 May 1993

Asil Nadir was a Turkish Cypriot businessman whose conglomerate, Polly Peck, which owned Del Monte amongst many other well-known brands, got into a spot of difficulty around this time. Asil did a runner and remained a fugitive for a very long time. More recently he faced justice did time.

This lyric was not used as far as I can recall. It doesn’t have a great deal going for it, in truth.

I WAS ASIL NADIR'S GIRLFRIEND (To the Tune of "I Was Kaiser Bill's Batman")

(The girls each stand on opposite sides of the stage. The henchmen stand in between them. Ideally, the girls have blond wigs and the henchmen have dark glasses and jackets.)

VERSE 1 – GIRL NUMBER ONE

Asil Nadir made knickers here,
I was Asil Nadir’s girlfriend;
Now that Nadir’s in Nicosia,
I suppose I’m his ex girlfriend.
Gave me fresh tights three times a night,
All with a Polly Peck label;
I was the only girl made him feel right,
Till Asil bolted the stable.

VERSE 2 – GIRL NUMBER TWO

Asil Nadir was so sincere,
He was the man from Del Monte;
His fruit I guess made me say yes,
Like in a film by Visconti.
Went mad a bit, banana split,
He ran away from his court case;
He was so faithful and he left about,
Five hundred new shirts at my place.

VERSE 3 – THE HENCHMEN
(While the henchmen are singing – one of the girls goes behind them and finds the other girl)

Asil Nadir, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me}
Hassle and fear, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me}
We are Asil Nadir’s henchmen; {BOTH GIRLS: Asil Nadir’s true love}
Each of his dames, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me}
Believe his claims, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me}
She is the one girl he’s wenching. {BOTH GIRLS: Asil Nadir’s true love}
Asil Nadir, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me}
Made our career, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me}
Keeping his skirt segregated; {BOTH GIRLS: Hey, who the hell are you?}
If we should let those birds catch Asil out,
{BOTH GIRLS: We’ll both make Asil sweat}
We’ll both be deconjugated.
If we should let those birds catch Asil out,
We’ll both be deconjugated.
(The henchmen, spotting the girls are now together, both point and yell:)
Oy.

The above lyric works well to the tune of I Was Kaiser Bill’s Batman: