Yes, I think I can see what I was trying to doi here. Neat idea, reads quite well, but was not destined for a long run in the show, if indeed it got a go at all.
_ SHOOTING FOUR MORTARS AT HEATHROW _
(To the Tune of "24 Hours From Tulsa")
(Irish accents are virtually compulsory for this song)
VERSE 1
Gerry Adams,
Called us to say that the IRA might not fight no more,
But in the voice of an actor,
He also said that we should get rid of our old mortars.
So we were only taking four mortars to Heathrow,
Only transporting our aged arms,
Our Micra looked odd en route,
With missiles aimed out the boot….VERSE 2
Stuck in an M4 tailback,
When we all saw the Excelsior with a huge car park,
Right by a Heathrow runway,
We stopped the car and aimed our mortars to fire after dark;
Cos we were only, shooting four mortars at Heathrow,
Only 24 yards from a plane;
Some bastard sold us a pup,
The fire bombs failed to erupt,
But our car blew up.(You could try an instrumental with a little Irish jig type dancing at this juncture, or you might decide to give that a miss)
VERSE 3
But still we’d left some mortars,
Home we returned but as our car burned we went home by tube;
Set off some more bombs remotely,
Somewhere obscure like Terminal Four when the Queen was due.
And we were only firing more mortars at Heathrow,
Only discharging all of our arms;
Our mortars were a damp squib,
Security was so glib,
Gave us the rib,
So we shall never never never go there again…..
……ho, ho, ho, maybe?
Below is a video of Gene Pitney singing 24 Hours From Tulsa: