In truth I don’t remember writing this one jointly with Sue Nelson, but I took pains to give her a joint credit, so I suspect that, at the very least, the conceit of the song came from Sue at a writers’ meeting.
I don’t think this piece made it into the show, or if it did it only got a short stint at the tail-end of a run. It was a fairly short-lived news item, if I recall correctly, about a pregnant woman having been badly treated in custody.
Where was Colin Stutt when we needed a comedy writer better equipped than me to take on the criminal justice system?
_ SPROGGING IN CHAINS GANG _
(To the Tune of “Back On The Chain Gang”)
VERSE 1 – FEMALE PRISONER
I saw a picture of Sue,
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,
It made the Star and the News of the World;
Now Styal prison says Sue’s gonna sue,
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,
A Styal victim when the babe unfurled.CHORUS 1 – FEMALE PRISONER(S)
She was sprogging in chains, gang,
{CHORUS:Boomp-waaaaahhhh, boomp-waaaaahhhh, boomp-waaaaahhhh}
Oh-oh, sprogging in chains, gang.VERSE 2 – WARDER(S)
Circumstance beyond our control,
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,
We handcuffed Sue Edwards to her neighbour;
Perhaps she should have been out on parole,
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,
Instead we made the cow do hard labour.CHORUS 2 – WARDER(S)
And now she’s whacking her claims in,
{CHORUS:Boomp-cash, boomp-cash, boomp-cash}
And we’re all packing our jobs in.
Below is a video of The Pretenders singing Back On The Chain Gang with the lyrics on the screen. Much simpler tune than I thought it might be – I think I might give that one a bash on my baroq-ulele…