Month: July 1994

Camilla, NewsRevue Lyric, 3 July 1994

Written in July 1994, revived in October 1994, I’m unsure how well this did in the show, I’m pretty sure I saw it performed.

I rather like it.

In those days, of course, no-one knew that Camilla would emerge as Chuck’s other half – she was perceived as his bit on the side back then.

CAMILLA
(To the Tune of “Diana”)

VERSE 1 – CHARLES SOLO

CHORUS: Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah,
Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah;
CHARLES: I’ll be King and you’ll be Queen,
‘Tho folk don’t know where we’ve been;
I don’t care when press berate,
I shall never abdicate;
There’s always adultery,
In the British monarchy,
Oh please rule with me……..Camilla.
CHORUS: Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah; (Camilla enters during this)

VERSE 2

CAMILLA: Then the press gave us lots of stick,
Over where you dip your wick;
When we ride a cross country course…
CHARLES: …I confuse you with my horse;
She’s so young and you’re so old,
But I have been Parker-bowled;
CAMILLA: Please don’t match me with Diana.
CHORUS: Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah; (Queen & Philip enter during this)

MIDDLE EIGHT

QUEEN: Stupid Charlie,
CHARLES: Sorry mother,
QUEEN: Don’t let on you have a lover;
Take a tip from dad and me,
BOTH You just don’t talk to Dimbleby. (PHILIP: You’re a bloody wimp, boy!)

VERSE 3

CHARLES: I still find Diana duller,
QUEEN: Camilla is no water-colour;
PHILIP: She looks like my old dog Rover,
QUEEN: But Charles had her three times over;
CHARLES: I’ll go ruin an architect,
QUEEN: You command naff-all respect;
CAMILLA: Oh please God spare me the Windsors. (EITHER: blackout….
OR: Queen, Philip and Charles, incredulous at this outburst, hound Camilla off the stage).

Here is Paul Anka singing Diana – you need to click through to read the original lyrics underneath the YouTube:

Submission To Jonathan Linsley Re Edinburgh NewsRevue, 3 July 1994

LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
 
JONATHAN LINSLEY EDINBURGH 1994 RUN
 
Dear Jonathan
 
As promised, I enclose your pack of lyrics and tape for my offerings.  The pack consists of a few new songs with longevity, and the older ones I think might have a shot at Edinburgh. They are virtually all this years songs with success plus shelf life. I have also included “Yasser” which was too late for Edinburgh last year and seems to be back in the news now.
 
If you want anything else, just let me know.

Virginia, NewsRevue Lyric, 3 July 1994

This lyric feels like it emerged on the back of another of those requests, along the lines of, “we really like You Can’t Hurry Trusts“…

You Can’t Hurry Trusts, NewsRevue Lyric, 7 May 1992

…”can you write a different one along similar lines?”…

…which I could do, of course. I even quite like this one, which focuses on the health secretary, Virginia Bottomley:

_ VIRGINIA _

(To the Tune of “Cecilia”)

CHORUS 1

DOCTORS:Virginia, you’re breaking our hearts,
You’re closing more hospitals daily;
Oh Virginia, we’re down in your leagues,
We’re begging you please, do not close,
PATIENT:Do not close.

VERSE 1

A DOCTOR:Doing sums from dawn till night,
While Virginia’s in the Isle of Wight;
(DOCTORS:….doing sums…..)
PATIENT:I got up cos I got bored,
But when I went back to bed she had closed down my ward.

CHORUS 2

DOCTORS:Virginia, we’re only two star,
You’re shaking our confidence daily;
PATIENT:Oh Virginia, I’m down on my knees,
My callipers seized and withdrawn, just withdrawn.
DOCTORS:Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

CHORUS 3

DOCTORS:Jubilation, we’re three star again,
We do all our work in out patients;
PATIENT:Ruination, I won’t walk again,
They do all their work without patients.
(Doctors merrily pick up the poor hopeless patient and carry him offstage while oh-oh-oh-ing the merry “jubilation” tune)

Below is a video of Simon & Garfunkel singing Cecilia with the lyrics on the screen:

https://youtu.be/_NFIdgK7Qpw