Month: April 1996

Hizbullah, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 April 1996

Gosh this was a tough topic to take on for a comedy lyric and an attempt to be even-handed. Not quite sure what made it topical right then – yet another Syrian/Southern Lebanese/Israeli skirmish I suppose.

The reference to Assad back then was to Hafez al-Assad, Bashar al-Assad’s dad.

I’m pretty sure the lyric never got used in public performance, which is probably just as well.

 HIZBULLAH  HIZBULLAH (To the Tune of “He’s So Fine”)

VERSE 1
Salaam salaam salaam, salaam salaam;

Hizbullah (salaam salaam salaam),

Waging a war (salaam salaam salaam),

That hunky boy over here,

The one with the galabia;

But now he’s deep in the mire (salaam salaam),

Down in Southern Lebanon (salaam salaam),

With Katyushas and rocket fire (salaam salaam),

Till all the people are gone (salaam salaam).

VERSE 2
He’s an Israeli guy (shalom shalom shalom),

With an eye for an eye (shalom shalom shalom),

Makes me wonder why,

He don’t give peace a try;

Cos these people shouldn’t fight (shalom shalom),

They should get along together (salaam, salaam),

Be all sweetness and light (shalom shalom),

End the lunacy forever (salaam salaam).

MIDDLE EIGHT

CHORUS He’s Hamas (oh yeh), Blowing up a bus (oh yeh);

TERRORIST: See you all later (oh no),

CHORUS: He won’t be back later (oh no).

TERRORIST: My bombs and me together (oh no), Will pull the chicks for ever (oh no),

CHORUS: He just can’t wait, he just can’t wait, to get to paradise.

VERSE 3
If I were Assad (salaam salaam salaam),

I would end this Jihad (salaam salaam salaam),

I’d do anything appropriate,

Except, perhaps, kiss Yasser Arafat;

Or Hizbullah (uh-huh),

Or Hamas (uh-huh),

Or Mossad (uh huh),

They’re all mad.

Here is a video of The Chiffons singing He’s So Fine, with lyrics:

Mary Stuart by Friedrich von Schiller, Lyttelton Theatre, 20 April 1996

Frankly, Janie and I were not too much taken with this one. And how were we to know that, 10 years later, Anna Massey would become one of Janie’s regular clients? And that more than 20 years later both of us would have a go on Mary Stuart’s tennis court at Falkland Palace, which remarkably still plays?

Edinburgh Day Five: Falkland Palace Gardens And Tennis, 21 August 2018

But I digress.

A fine cast, not only Anna Massey but Isabelle Huppert, Tim Pigott-Smith and a fine collection of RNT regulars, directed by Howard Davies. The Theatricalia entry for this production can be found here.

It just didn’t really float our boat.

What did the critics make of it, I hear you cry?

Michael Billington described it as “far from perfect” but commendable. I’d go with that:

Billington on Mary StuartBillington on Mary Stuart Fri, Mar 22, 1996 – 2 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Paul Taylor in The Independent described it as a “far from unrewarding evening” – I can go with that too.

Michael Coveney, on the other hand, was absolutely taken with it:

Coveney on Mary StuartCoveney on Mary Stuart Sun, Mar 24, 1996 – 71 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

I Am Old, NewsRevue Lyric & Ben Murphy Inspiration, 16 April 1996

The only version I have electronically is the one below, dated April 1996, but I must have sent Ben Murphy an early version in 1995 which he heavily adapted and recorded.

I prefer my lyric, but what do I know?

I AM OLD
(To the Tune of “All Right”)
VERSE 1

I am old, I’m obscene,
Keep my beard nice and clean;
Sleep alone every night,
Feel all right.

I wake up, scratch my arse,
Take my teeth from the glass,
Talk a whole load of shite,
But I’m all right.

MIDDLE EIGHT

Am I senile?
I can’t recall,
And I can’t learn me lines,
So me songs don’t all rhyme.

VERSE 2

Cos I am old, I am daft,
Cannot quite raise me shaft,
So I smoke and get tight,
But I’m all right.

Then I wank, have a shit,
A cantankerous old git,
In the pub, when I fight,
But I’m all right, I’m all right.

Alwight????????

And if you want to know what Alright by Supergrass sounds and reads like:

Letter To Mike Ward, Actors’ Workshop, 16 April 1996

 

Mike Ward 16 April 1996
Actor’s Workshop
West Grove Terrace
Hopwood Lane
Halifax West Yorkshire
HX1 5EX

 

Dear Mike

APOLOGIES!!!!

Life is something between anarchy and chaos since I got back. I don’t know what the “something” (as in “something in the City”) is, but at times I wish it was something else. Is that a cue for a song??

I have finally managed to down tools for long enough to print out my latest batch of stuff for you. Hope it isn’t too late. Some day soon I hope to find time to write some more – this weekend looks like a contender as I can feel the need to write welling up inside my tormented little brain.

Hope to see you and speak soon.

Yours sincerely

 

 

Ian Harris

Encs.

Liberia, NewsRevue Lyric, 15 April 1996

I don’t think this idea for a lyric worked very well and I don’t think NewsRevue used this lyric.

LIBERIA
(To the Tune of “America”)

 

CHORUS 1

Life is no good in Liberia,
Famine and war and hysteria,
Leprosy, AIDS and diphtheria,
Toss hand grenades in Liberia.

VERSE 1

Former American colony,
Product of trading in slavery (very);
Characters names sound like Mark Twain,
But soon as you learn them they’re slain.

CHORUS 2

Life is no good in Liberia,
Peacekeeping force from Nigeria,
Most would agree that’s inferior,
No-one feels free in Liberia.

VERSE 2

More fighting in Cape Mesurado,
Lining up forming a warfare queue (fa’ queue);
Roosevelt Johnson leads from the front,
But everyone says he’s a Krahn.
(That doesn’t rhyme with front??)

CHORUS 3

Life is the pits in Liberia,
Whole bunch of shits in Liberia;
Fight mercenaries in Monrovia,
Get dysentery and diarrhoea.

Below is America from West Side Story with lyrics on the screen, after a lengthy (circa three minutes) build up:

Unabomber I Want, NewsRevue Lyric Unfinished Fragment, 15 April 1996

The Unabomber was apprehended in April 1996 and I thought to make a NewsRevue lyric out of it. Mercifully, I either thought better of the idea or ran out of ideas…or both. The fragment below might make you smile, though.

UNABOMBER I WANT
(To the Tune of “You’re The One That I Want”)

 

VERSE 1 – THE BOMBER, STRAPPED TO AN ELECTRIC CHAIR

I’ve got bombs, they’re worth applying,
Cos I’m out of control;
But the power I’m defying,
Is electrifying (electrifying, electrifying, electrifying).

MIDDLE EIGHT 1 – THE COPS

You’d better confess,
Cos we need our man,
Keep the public satisfied.
You’d better confess,
You’d better understand,
Vengance has to be applied.
BOMBER: Are you sure?
COPS: Yes we’re sure to have you fried.

CHORUS 1

Unabomber

VERSE 2

 

 

CHORUS 2

 

VERSE 3

 

CHORUS 3

 

Below is a video of You’re The One That I Want with John Travolta and Olivia Newton John prancing about, plus the lyrics in both English and Spanish:

Tolstoy by James Goldman, Richmond Theatre, 5 April 1996

I lost all record of this one, other than the diary notes. If I recall correctly, the programmes weren’t yet available as we saw a preview of this ill-fated play/production at The Richmond Theatre.

Janie made the arrangements and it seems we took The Duchess with us. So if the play was as tedious as the reviews and poor audiences suggest, we had quite an evening. No wonder I blotted it out of my mind.

Here is the Theatricalia entry, which on this occasion is my sole canonical source of “who was in it” type information – thanks for that.

Michael Billington in The Guardian (a friendly critic, not known for his damning reviews), describes the piece as a “piffling bio-play”.

Billington on TolstoyBillington on Tolstoy Wed, May 1, 1996 – 2 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Paul Taylor in The Independent describes it as “a largely dire production” – click this link to read on-line.

Peter Preston wrote a biting obituary for the play/production when it closed due to poor audiences (see below):

Preston on TolstoyPreston on Tolstoy Sun, May 19, 1996 – 58 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

With the cast including F. Murray Abraham, Matthew Marsh and Gemma Jones, there should have been some salvation in the performances, but it clearly wasn’t a good play/production.

I suspect that The Duchess was not impressed and that it was our fault that the theatrical part of the evening did not meet her high expectations. I’m guessing we ate at Don Fernando’s in Richmond, as we hadn’t booked anything and that’s where we would go without a booking.

Letter To Mike Ward, Actors’ Workshop, 5 April 1996

 

Mike Ward 5 April 1996
Actor’s Workshop
West Grove Terrace
Hopwood Lane
Halifax West Yorkshire
HX1 5EX

 

Dear Mike

I’M BACK!!!!!

Sorry I missed your trip to London last month. Thailand and Vietnam were fascinating and refreshing. Now it’s back to reality I’m afraid and it doesn’t feel so good.

I recall leaving the country owing your charity money, as you did not deduct any angel money from the 1996 New Year Revels cheque. From memory, Angelling costs £25. Let me know if this is not the right amount.

Hope to see you and speak soon.

Yours sincerely

 

 

Ian Harris

Enc.

An Independent Trip To Northern Thailand & Vietnam, Part Nineteen: A Final Full Day & Then Part Of A Day At The Rayavadee In Phra Nang, Before Returning Home, 31 March & 1 April 1996

Believe it or not, the above picture shows the Rayavadee jacuzzi

Finished watching Indochine – pool – canoed round rocks fun – swam a bit – had better Beach Bar lunch – swam/sunbathed/siesta/swam

I finished Brownout [On Breadfruit Boulevard] – had sauna/Jacuzzi/massage…

Prasert explains the barbeque sauces etc. to us

…private barbecue in evening.

I think I had the measure of it. That barbeque was an absolute highlight for us. I remember a Scottish head chef who had looked after us well there, coming down to supervise Prasert and make sure it was all really well arranged for us. Perhaps he did that for all the guests. Still a highlight for us.

I watched Trading Places (Janie mysteriously watched highlights)

Partly the film didn’t please her, partly the exertions of the previous day got to Janie, I suspect.

1 April 1996

Snorkelled Phra Nang beach rocks – swam & sunbathed.

We wanted to enjoy every last minute of that place. In future years, we would probably not have done the “swimming until the last minute” thing as it is so difficult to transport wet cossies all the way home!

I made no notes about the journey home; I suspect it was relatively problem free and therefore not note-worthy. Certainly not memorable…in a good way.

It had been a fabulous journey all in all.

All the photos from the part of the journey that featured Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam & then Thai resorts can be found through the Flickr link here or below.

=01 24 March 1996 - Saigon River from Floating Hotel at dusk 061