That’s Feng-Shui, NewsRevue Lyric, 28 May 1997

I very much regret that no-one saw fit to give this lyric a go in NewsRevue. I know it isn’t exactly topical but feng-shui was all the rage that year.

I probably should have written the lyric with a particular type of plant pointing in a particular direction on my desk. My bad.

THAT’S FENG-SHUI
(To the Tune of “Whip Crack Away”)

IMPORTANT NOTICE: The phrase “Feng-Shui” is pronounced “Feng-shoe-way” (really)
OTHER IMPORTANT NOTICE: This song should only be sung facing North with the stage door at 45 degrees from the nearest staircase

VERSE 1

Well the Feng-Shui craze is at it all over the place,
That ancestor energy thing from the Chinese race;
Replace your bed,
And paint your lounge red;
That’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui.

VERSE 2

Yes the Californians love Feng-Shui’s appliance,
It makes Scientology seem like pure science;
Replace your floor,
And move your front door,
That’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui.

MIDDLE EIGHT

The Chinese are inclined,
To divine,
Where you need a fish tank;
In Hong Kong China lurks,
While the British –
Bank (or wank, take your pick)

VERSE 3

Yes, the Feng-Shui craze is rampant all over the hills,
Even Downing Street should really be rebuilt,
Relight your halls,
With spherical balls;
That’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui.

This craze is all,
Such spherical balls;
That’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui, that’s Feng-Shui.
Crap Feng-Shui!!

Below is Doris Day singing The Deadwood Stage (Whip Crack Away):

Click here to see the lyrics of The Deadwood Stage (Whip Crack Away).