Gaudy Dames, NewsRevue Lyric, 9 January 1998

Mediæval Bæbes was a bit of a thing back then. Janie and I were just starting to take a real interest in early music around that time. I bought their debut album, Salva Nos.

But there was something about this commercialised form of mediæval music that bothered me, so I gave The Bæbes the NewsRevue lyric treatment.

GAUDY DAMES
(To the Tune of “Gaudete”)

CHORUS 1

Gaudy dames, gaudy dames some sing soprano,
We are named Medieval Baebes, gaudy dames;
Gaudy dames, gaudy dames, some sing contralto,
Sensuous poses, low cut drapes, gaudy dames.

VERSE 1

We’re a bunch of choir girls who have shot to stardom;
We’re as pure and virginal as a Turkish harem.

CHORUS 2

Blowsy dames, blowsy dames, who sing in plain chant,
We’re like Spice Girls minus spice, blowsy dames;
Cows may say, cows may say that we’ve had implants,
Torture post-medieval ways, cows may say.

VERSE 2

All of us are Virgin girls signed to Branson’s kingdom;
Hope he makes his duff balloons elsewhere than his condoms.

CHORUS 3

Lousy pay, lousy pay now we are pop stars,
We’re still paid medieval rates, lousy pay;
God may say, God may say we sing like angels,
But its hell to hear us rant, God may say.

VERSE 3

We can all be photographed so we look like lovelies;
Tho’ without a special lens look like teletubbies.

OUTRO

Cow like shapes, cow like shapes, not that you’d notice,
Clever angled camera takes, cow like shapes;
Gawd the strain, gawd the strain stuck in this corset,
Thumb screws would seem like a break, gawd the strain.

Below is a version of Gaudete performed by the Choir of Clare College Cambridge:

Click here for lyrics to the carol Gaudete.

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