Mediæval Bæbes was a bit of a thing back then. Janie and I were just starting to take a real interest in early music around that time. I bought their debut album, Salva Nos.
But there was something about this commercialised form of mediæval music that bothered me, so I gave The Bæbes the NewsRevue lyric treatment.
GAUDY DAMES
(To the Tune of “Gaudete”)CHORUS 1
Gaudy dames, gaudy dames some sing soprano,
We are named Medieval Baebes, gaudy dames;
Gaudy dames, gaudy dames, some sing contralto,
Sensuous poses, low cut drapes, gaudy dames.VERSE 1
We’re a bunch of choir girls who have shot to stardom;
We’re as pure and virginal as a Turkish harem.CHORUS 2
Blowsy dames, blowsy dames, who sing in plain chant,
We’re like Spice Girls minus spice, blowsy dames;
Cows may say, cows may say that we’ve had implants,
Torture post-medieval ways, cows may say.VERSE 2
All of us are Virgin girls signed to Branson’s kingdom;
Hope he makes his duff balloons elsewhere than his condoms.CHORUS 3
Lousy pay, lousy pay now we are pop stars,
We’re still paid medieval rates, lousy pay;
God may say, God may say we sing like angels,
But its hell to hear us rant, God may say.VERSE 3
We can all be photographed so we look like lovelies;
Tho’ without a special lens look like teletubbies.OUTRO
Cow like shapes, cow like shapes, not that you’d notice,
Clever angled camera takes, cow like shapes;
Gawd the strain, gawd the strain stuck in this corset,
Thumb screws would seem like a break, gawd the strain.
Below is a version of Gaudete performed by the Choir of Clare College Cambridge: