Vivian Robinson, picture by Andrew Thacker “lifted” from Concourse
My diary is useless on some of the memories I retain from this period, so my pieces will, by necessity, be more impressionistic and in some places possibly even vague.
I recall that my discussions with Vivian Robinson (Union Secretary 1983/1984) at that time revolved around so-called Keele apathy and a desire to encourage more students to vote and get involved. Viv was the returning officer and I chaired election appeals, so this was, in essence, our gig.
Some of those discussions started before Christmas, possibly before, during or after getting drunk:
One wheeze we came up with, I think quite early in January 1984, was to put up a sample manifesto for president, showing people what a manifesto needed to look like.
Being me, I ran with that idea to also make our sample a spoof, in which the fictitious candidate promised a ridiculous amount of infeasible stuff. The tag line at the end of the text below the sample, which explained how the election system worked, read something like:
Whatever your views on the candidates, please vote and please vote wisely.
You can see why I didn’t go into advertising.
We originally called our candidate Piers Witherspoon or something like that, but Eddie Slade, then Senior Tutor, came to us (before term started I’m sure) loving the idea but worrying that there was a real student with a name that was too close for comfort to our fictitious one.
We decided to change the name of the character to Nigel Wisely, enabling a tighter tag line:
Please vote and please vote Wisely
Unfortunately, some students didn’t realise that Nigel Wisely was a spoof and complained to Vivian when the election came around that they wanted to vote for Nigel Wisely but his name was not on the ballot.
Apropos to nothing other than some light relief in this union-heavy piece, who from that 1980s period remembers these two? And who can name them?
My other labour of Hercules in early 1984 was to redraft the Students’ Union constitution. The extant document had been around since 1970, which, in 1983, seemed, like, for ever. It had more holes than a Swiss cheese and the mischief-makers were able to do smelly things with those holes.
Buried in my personal archive, I have found a copy of the 1970 thing that I consigned to the scrap heap (with the consent of a UGM which was, of course, the sovereign body of the Union). The print within it is miniscule – it must be something like 6-point – accessibility hadn’t been invented back then.
There are those who might say, cruelly, that making the constitution unreadably small was an act of mercy on the students who might otherwise read it. I am not of that view and “my” revised version was in larger print. You’ll have to take my word for that, because I did not retain a copy of the thing I slaved to produce and get through a UGM. Again, some might say “that’s a mercy”.
My nom-de-plume, H. Ackgrass, was also conceived around that time:
Ackgrass saw the funny side of the constitutional stuff and lampooned it rather remorselessly in his first column.
Compared with the miniscule print of the 1970s constitution, my diary pages for January 1984 are surprisingly readable. There’s not a lot in there. What little there is, mostly comprises either me or Bobbie being a bit poorly, spending a lot of time together nevertheless and the struggles I was having to get as much done as I wanted to get done.
Yes, the UGM that adopted “my” new constitution was 30 January 1984. They probably still refer to it as Independence Day in Keele Students’ Union circles…or perhaps not.
I shall return to topics such as food and newspapers separately, in a future piece. That’s enough to be getting on with today. Anyone would think I was paid by the word…like Dickens.
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