Author: Ian Louis Harris

Heavy Rollers Meet Saffers, Their Comeuppance And The Elements At The Edgbaston Test, 24 & 25 July 2003

Photographs by Charles Bartlett. Above: Nigel & Jeff With Paul Adams

We shall return later to the above image of Nigel and Jeff smugly mingling with the South African players in the pavilion just before tea on Day One of the 2003 Edgbaston test.

Let us start this write up of the 2003 Heavy Rollers event from the beginning.

Big Match Build Up: October 2002 To May 2003

A lengthy e-mail from Nigel on 10 October 2002 set the ball rolling for this one. The key text:

The Edgbaston Test is scheduled for 24-28 July, 2003 vs. South Africa (where it all began!).Tickets go on sale in early January.
Get it into the diary before holidays, personal injury, life changes and other meek excuses hamper another traditional gathering in the interests of the wonderful game.

By that time, Nigel was no longer with The Children’s Society and had not been able to attend the previous year, as documented at length in the 2002 Heavy Roller’s piece. I was not sure that the tradition would continue and was very pleased to receive that e-mail.

Then, on 3 December, came confirmation via a similarly lengthy epistle from Nigel:

Your ticket secretary has reported back with news that tickets have been acquired for England v South Africa, Thursday and Friday 24/25 July 2003 (Row A Block 03 Seats 4-10). These will be held in safe keeping until a personal transfer can be effected but cheques for 2 x £30.00 per person would be appreciated in due course…

…The secretary is happy to bear all additional costs associated with daily calls to the very nice women in the box office, reports of postal applications going missing, resubmissions, original application surfacing, consequent near purchase of too many tickets etc. etc……what stress.

Possibly it was Nigel’s use of the word “hamper” in his first e-mail about this, but the rest of us were motivated by that second e-mail to club together and send Nigel & Viv a hamper of grub for Christmas, not only to thank him for his 2003 efforts but also the 2002 efforts which, from his personal point of view, resulted in no cricket at all.

I commissioned Dall-E to help me illustrate the gift:

Not bad, but the liquid bottles within were French and grape-based, not water

On 31 December, Nigel sent what might well be his most pretentious e-mail ever:

Monsieurs ‘Heavy Rollers’

C’est avec plaisir que je mange le grand cadeau et je bois le vin et le champagne.

Merci de votre generosite mes amis!

Amities,

Nigel (et femme)

Next, in mid-May, a disappointing development, passed on to the rest of us through Nigel:

Dear Heavy Roller

It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that one of the senior membership has been forced to put an exotic holidaying experience with spouse before this great, and possibly final, annual occasion. Just when English cricket begins its renaissance after the disappointments of the winter (and summer). David reassures us that, despite this dubious decision (yes it is he), the bookings remain solid for accommodation and limited overs warm up…

David himself chimed in a few days later, not least with the following statement.

…Not sure if Dan is up to the cooked breakfast but therein lies a challenge!!!…

These messages remind me of two Wadderton traditions that I have not previously discussed: games of garden cricket on the Wadderton lawns and the traditional cooked breakfast at Wadderton before setting off for the ground.

The Night Before The Big Match: 23 July 2003

Wadderton in 2004: more slope than Lord’s, more than a tinge of green on the track

I’m pretty sure that the garden cricket prior to 2003 had been a fairly low key affair – perhaps it started in 2001 with a gentle knockabout. In 2002 it was replaced by “yard cricket in the rain at Trent Bridge”, which was quite different.

My memory of the night before cricket in 2003 is quite strong and I recall quite a good game. David’s replacement (at one time his son Ben was mooted) turned out to be “Dan’s Mate” Robbie, who was good company, a keen scout and a very useful addition to the garden cricket. Here is the cast list for 2003:

  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
  • “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Me “Ged Ladd” (accompanied by Hippity The Green Bunny, Henry The Duck and Bananarama Monkey-Face);
  • Dan“Dan Peel” Steed;
  • “Dan’s Mate” Robbie.

This group made for some good garden cricket.

Towards the end of the game, we were joined by a woman named Jill Rose, whose company was supplying computers to The Children’s Society and who for some reason wanted to meet with Charles that afternoon/evening. I think it might have been as simple as the fact that she was nearby.

She was a larger than life character, I remember. I also recall her hoving into view from the main house, much later than she had intended to visit, while our game was in full sway. Mercifully, Jill did not tumble down that slope, nor did any of us tumble down the even steeper slope, which is out of view in the above photo. You’ll have to await the 2004 report for that story. Indeed, an abridged match report for the 2003 Wadderton Garden Games can be found in Nigel’s Epistle To The Rollers, at the end of this piece.

Jill watched us playing for a while and then, when we stopped playing for rain and Charles invited her to join us for the Chinese takeaway we had agreed we would get from the Barnt Green Chinese in David’s absence…

…was that place already named Happy Valley back then? Anyway it wasn’t bad…

…Jill insisted on getting the takeaway and refused to accept any money from us.

I vaguely remember Charles Bartlett describing “going to hell and back” form filling back at TCS HQ, at Charles Nall’s behest, to declare fully the circumstances behind this receipt of supplier hospitality. Whether that form-filling trumped the form filling required to get Day Two refunds on Edgbaston tickets, I cannot say, but I did end up doing the latter.

England v South Africa Day One: 24 July 2003

Did Dan provide a cooked breakfast in the style of his inimitable Dad? I have a feeling that he did and it would have been jolly tasty.

But it was Jeff, not Dan, who provided the central picnic for Day One of play. This included a fair amount of booze which Jeff was determined we should all smuggle in to the ground. Booze-smuggling into grounds does not come naturally to me. We had some interesting debates about “who should do what”, which I think resulted in me avoiding booze-mule duties, much to Jeff’s chagrin. My argument was that I would look guilty as hell if trying to hide something, would be likely to crumble when confronted by an authority figure and therefore was, in every way, the Roller least emotionally suited to muling and most likely to get caught.

I did not reveal, in those discussions, the infamous “jumping the border” episode from Janie’s and my trip to South-East Asia a couple of years earlier…

When Janie And I Jumped The Border Into Thailand At Chong Mek And Then Blagged Our Way Out Of Thailand Again, 19 and 26 February 2001

…which is a far more risky and serious form of smuggling than a bit of booze muling at Edgbaston. (Are you technically people smuggling when you smuggle yourselves across a border)? I digress.

In the end we all got in with our share of the stuff; legitimate and contraband alike.

Below is the view from the front row of the Priory Stand as it was then. This photo is the very first Heavy Roller’s photograph taken on a digital camera by Charles Bartlett. It makes Edgbaston, not least the Eric Hollies Stand beyond, look magnificent, which it truly is.

The Tye picnic

I note from the above photo evidence of the smuggled but (at lunchtime) barely concealed wine (see plastic cup on far right).

Kids playing Kwik Cricket – lunchtime entertainment. In the background the famous old Edgbaston pavilion, demolished and replaced 2010/2011, in all its (lack of) splendour

Twenty20 cricket was born a few weeks before this test match. This proto-mascot Warwickshire Bear, in cricket whites, with moll, looks more growly than subsequent mascot bears.

I’m hoping that Nigel can tell the story of how a few of the senior Heavy Rollers blagged their way into the pavilion between lunch and tea that day. Nigel mentions Clive in his epistle and I do recall there was a senior administrator by that name who was associated with our group’s peculiar ability to get the seats it wanted in all circumstances without us having been on a 30 year waiting list or anything like that.

My memory of the pavilion event is very limited, but I do remember a call coming through to the rest of us with the news. I remember declining the invitation. I think there were only one or two more spaces and I was less keen than others. In any case, I had little-‘uns with me and would not have wanted to leave them unattended.

Nigel and Jeff look chuffed

Paul “Frog-In-A-Blender” Adams, right, Thami Tsolekile (I think), left

Herschelle Gibbs followed by Graeme Smith returning undefeated for tea

Jeff Tye applauding in our so-far totally unrewarded England stalwarts at tea

Not much more than five minutes after the players went in for tea, Charles and the others were back in the Priory Stand with the rest of us when this incident happened.

Perennial joker of a supervisor steward, Paul Guppy (subsequently reported on in the Birmingham Mail honoured for his soccer stewarding) accosts me with some invented regulation prohibiting my little ‘uns from sitting in their favourite Priory Stand “seats”

Photographic evidence of Paul Guppy arresting Hippity while putting him into a dangerous stranglehold. Meanwhile I seek to rescue Bananarama Monkey-Face and another steward callously looks on

Moments after the above two pictures were taken, Paul Guppy was no longer able to keep a straight face and the ruse was undone. I think it was Jeff Tye who put Paul Guppy up to this, presumably while they were doing the pavilion thing. I guessed that it was pay back time for refusing to mule the booze. But it might have been Nigel and/or Charles who put Paul Guppy up to it. I do think, now that 20 or so years have passed, it should be confession time. Actually the incident was very funny, not least because Paul Guppy was a uniquely unsuited character to the role of officious senior steward concocting a ludicrous rule on the fly.

I am pretty sure that Jeff Tye organised the prediction game in 2003, as I have no record, either electronic or paper, of the game. From 2004 onwards the mantle had passed to me for the rest of all time.

I don’t recall what we did that evening – I don’t think we went out – I suspect that the Wadderton breakfast and Jeff’s picnic catering, into which we all naturally chipped in to cover the costs, had included enough food to tide us over between Days One & Two.

The Day Two That Didn’t Exactly Happen, 25 July 2003

It rained. This wasn’t anything like as bad as the 2012 rain story, click here or below…

Long To Rain Over Us, England v West Indies, Edgbaston, Days One and Two, 7 & 8 June 2012

…at least we had enjoyed some fine garden cricket and a glorious day at Edgbaston in 2003. In any case, if you were going to hang around waiting for nothing to happen, you’d sooner hang around at Wadderton than at Harborne Hall- especially the 2012 quasi-commercial manifestation of Harborne Hall with its novel “price per slice of breakfast toast” mentality.

Charles took some photos of us on that rainy day at Wadderton, around 10:15 that morning. It looks dark. It was dark.

Nigel looking resigned: “no chance”

Jeff emphatic: “you might as well go to New Street now, Ian”

The eternal optimist: “let’s wait and see”

Dan, sanguine: “heck, I’m at home anyway”.

As the rain persevered throughout the morning, one by one the Heavy Rollers succumbed to the inevitable and decided to leave. I think Jeff might have bailed out first. Then Nigel. Then Charles & Nick.

I maintained a level of optimism based on a detailed reading of the rainfall radar which told me that, as long as the wind speed and direction didn’t change, that better weather would start sweeping in to the West Midlands around 15:00.

Each departing Heavy Roller assured me that I was waiting in vain, while depositing their tickets with me, the designated mourner, which meant that I would be responsible for getting the refunds if play was indeed abandoned.

Anyway, I enjoyed sitting around chatting with Dan, who possibly shared my optimism, but in any case was off work for the day and at home. When the sun came out, we were both buoyed and feeling a sense of “told you so”…we even started planning our journey to the ground…until the announcement came on the Tv broadcast just a few minutes later that play had been abandoned for the day. There was not enough time to mop up after the relentless rain and get started before the cut off time.

So that was that, from our live cricket experience point of view. Here is the scorecard and Cricinfo resources for the whole match.

Dan very kindly drove me in to Birmingham New Street, in glorious sunshine, to catch a convenient train back to London.

I remember sitting with a nice cricket-lover on that journey home whose one day of test match cricket a year had just been washed out. I realised how lucky I was. Not only had I already seen a day of this test match but I was by then already a life member of Middlesex and seeing/due to see plenty of cricket that season.

I wrote the following missive to “the lads” at soon after 7:00 that evening:

OK, OK, You called it right

Folks

Daniel and I had the surreal experience of watching the televised inspection c3.15 with glorious sunshine at Wadderton (we were planning to set off for the ground), only to learn that play was abandoned for the day!

We were so disgusted that we tore up our tickets and yours – so sorry guys – no refund. Oh all right, I have your tickets and will sort out the refunds and will reimburse you if/when the dosh turns up.

Still enjoyed the cricket we did see and the splendid company for two days. Here’s to the next time.

Ian

Nigel responded later that evening, with sufficient detail to allow the observant reader to realise that I don’t really remember all of the above stuff – but I do save e-mails and possibly even re-read bits of them:

These weather forecaster were just wishful thinkers.


Us hardened ex-players and watchers knew from experience of endless pavilion waiting that it was going to be a long shot.

However, respect to you both for sticking with it. As I was driving S-Westerly (in relentless driving rain) I heard that the South Africans had left the ground, doubtless following Steve Rouse’s words of wisdom that it was going to take at least 2 hours once the rain stopped for any play to begin. Pat Murphy said he was “not optimistic” (Interesting that the Brumbrella is no longer due to it damaging the outfield and regularly breaking down!).

Perhaps the refunds can go towards the 2004 event? How can we ever relinquish this little bit of magic?

Thanks to Jeff for the food…brilliant and glad we have a photo (c/o
Charles) for David to witness. Thanks to Dan for extending the Wadderton/Steed hospitality.

The ‘yard cricket’ was an even affair with contributions from all (Robbie and Dan can play, Ian was turning it flatulently, but who can forget Nick’s runout and Charles’ 2×4’s to win the second match?? Only eclipsed by Jeff’s dismissal as the rain started).


Thanks due also to Clive (the tip at the 20-20 was worth its weight).

I have already started to bore people with tales of being, “that close” to frog-in-a-blender”. I v. nearly got into the changing rooms.

Hard to believe it is over for 12 months after waiting for it for so long.

Hope paths might cross between now and summer 2004 but there are a few memories to conjure it up during the dark winter nights?

(Ian’s muling antics will never be mentioned again, like yeah…) As T.S Eliot (might have) said “you never know the true lengths of your achievements in life until you try to take in drink to Edgbaston”.


Until the next time, your obedient, and ‘still lively off a short run in small doses’, Admissions Secretary, signing off for 2003.

Nigel xxxxx

Indeed, “that close to “frog-in-a-blender”

Finally, although I have used most of them, here is a link to all of Charles Bartlett’s pictures from that event:

105-0547_IMG

Middlesex v Zimbabweans Day Two, Shenley, 31 May 2003

Image by Google Flow Nana Banana 2 Lite, instructed by me

Janie and I visited Shenley for the first time on the Saturday of this match during my first full season as a member of Middlesex CCC.

Shenley is a beautiful ground and a charming place to watch cricket. Any ground with a Corn Field End has to be a pleasant place to watch cricket in good weather. The weather smiled on us that day.

We ran into Alan Curtis and a very young Alex that day – I think Caroline might have been with them or perhaps Alan was relieving Caroline of the child-minding duties while being a top notch cricket dad by introducing Alex to cricket in his infancy. I mentioned this occasion when I proposed Alex for MCC membership in the early 2020s, as evidence of a lifetime of metaphorical “cricket sheep dip”.

Not that there are sheep at Shenley. Ought to be. There are plenty of sheep around Wormsley.

Here is the scorecard from the match we saw in the late spring of 2003.

A memorably nice day.

I was reminded to write this up as I was writing up the other visit Janie and I made to Shenley that season – to see a women’s test match for the first time:

A Day Out At Shenley To See Test Match Cricket Between England Women & South Africa Women, 8 August 2003

A Quite Interesting Sunday Evening In A Television Studio, 26 January 2003

John Lloyd – with thanks to Amnesty International UK, CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia

Since moving on from the parental home, in which television played a central part, I have not been much of a television viewer at all.

But I did once spend an evening in a television studio, along with Janie, watching a pilot for a show that eventually became QI (Quite Interesting). I remembered the evening in question while having lunch with John Lloyd (the producer of QI amongst other hit TV programmes), Brendan May and Michael Mainelli in December 2017.

My diary was not very helpful for this memory…

…but I’m pretty sure that the “@6:30” appointment that Sunday evening was the television studio on the South Bank for that pilot show.

As I recall it, Brendan May had suggested that Janie and I join him to form a supporting posse for the first pilot TV show as part of John’s “Quite Interesting” initiative, about which we had talked at some length with John over the preceding months.

The conceit of this pilot version of QI was a panel show in which members of the audience asked questions of the panel. The panellists would then try to answer the audience questions with interesting answers. A cross between a quiz show and Question Time.

Brendan was there, with his (then) girlfriend Caroline Woofenden, plus Caroline’s sister, Susie. Once Janie and I joined, we were a posse of five.

I’m sure John had rustled up some other friendly posses and in any case had plenty else to do that evening, but I recall him taking the time to greet us warmly and to ask if Janie and/or I wanted to ask a question of the panel. We both said no, but John made absolutely sure that we really didn’t want to participate before letting the matter go.

Brendan, on the other hand, had turned up with a tricky question for the panel, which I recall was a slightly obscure (or should I say quite interesting?) question about Mozart. Brendan might recall the exact details of his question.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, a quite interesting man, public domain image, source:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wolfgang-amadeus-mozart_1.jpg

This pilot show was hosted by Peter Snow, best known (at least to us) as the face of the election results on election nights.

I recall that the show was to be titled Beat The Database rather than QI. The conceit of the show in that pilot form was the idea that the panellists were aiming to provide better answers than a database of facts. “Better answers”, in this context, meant being more interesting while avoiding common fallacies.

I remember all of our posse agreeing, after the pilot, that we thought the show should do well.

I recall watching the QI TV show when it was first broadcast, a few months later. I  was rather disappointed with the changes to the format, in particular the absence of audience questions and the switch from precise, game show scoring to “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue”-style comedy scoring. Only the inclusion of Stephen Fry as host seemed, in my inexpert  opinion, like a good swap. Brendan agreed with me.

I remember Janie saying that there was no qualitative difference between the two formats to her eyes, while admitting that this is not really her sort of show anyway and that she hadn’t really enjoyed either format.

Caroline felt that that the QI format was much better than the Beat the Database pilot we had seen. I also remember Caroline gently berating me and Brendan for criticising the changes, reminding us that we are hardly typical TV audience. “If John Lloyd designed his programmes on your advice, he’d be producing programmes for an audience of two, neither of whom ever get round to watching TV anyway,” said Caroline, with words to that effect. She had a very good point.

But as this piece is about QI, I should record a couple of quite interesting things emerging from my process of writing this Ogblog piece.

The pilot we witnessed in January 2003 seems to have got lost in the recorded history of QI, certainly if Wikipedia at the time of writing is anything to go by.  Click here for a December 2017 scrape of the Wikipedia entry for QI. The existence of this Ogblog piece might itself lead to a Wikipedia correction of course – it wouldn’t be the first time – Ogblog has a social history function too, you know. QI elves should be crawling all over Ogblog like a rash by now, if they aren’t already.

A more serious reflection, though, emerging from our lunchtime conversation with John in December 2017, is that the idea of QI originally was much, much bigger than a single TV show.  The QI initiative set out to transform learning in society comprehensively. The idea was to take advantage of our additionally connected world of knowledge, exploding the “boring, encyclopaedic” approach to facts and teaching, not least rote learning, as  passé (no longer particularly useful) and insufficiently engaging for most human beings. Curiosity-based learning, arguably, is both much more fun and much more useful too.

Over lunch in December 2017, John bemoaned the fact that, nearly 15 years on, QI has not really progressed much beyond being a hugely successful TV programme. I recalled discussing the idea with John all those years ago; the TV show was intended to be the mere vanguard of this emerging curiosity-based learning movement. That thought also brought to mind the evening I spent at Brian Eno’s place a couple of weeks previously with the Economy team and ideas on how economics could be taught to youngsters using a vastly different approach from conventional neo-classical equations and simplistic “truths”.

Time for me to mix in a bit; the results might be quite interesting.

A Quite Interesting Postscript

On seeing the pilot for this Ogblog piece, John Lloyd kindly chimed in to correct my general ignorance about QI, Beat the Database and no doubt more besides:

Jane Root, then Controller of BBC2, commissioned THREE pilots from the QI project, to be co-produced with Talkback.

 

The first one we made (in 2002) was QI, which had a very similar feel to the present format, but without the closing ‘General Ignorance’ round with its forfeits.

 

We did have forfeits in the pilot, but they were dotted through the show randomly. And we did have a General Ignorance round, but it was the first of four rounds and involved things people didn’t know about generals.

 

It was Jane’s idea to conflate the two ideas and close the show with a ‘General Ignorance’ round, where most of the forfeits have ever since been clustered.

 

This was partly a brilliant insight – because she immediately grasped what the show’s signature idea would be – and partly a disaster – because if a question is flagged as ‘General Ignorance’, the panel realise at once that, if they ‘know’ the answer, they will be penalised. This has dogged us almost since the start.

 

The other two pilot programmes were called Beat The Database with Peter Snow, and Smartass, which would have been hosted by Jo Brand.

 

At the pilot of Beat The Database in 2003 (that you attended with Janie) Brendan was not a member of the audience, but actually on the panel as a ‘member of the public’ – the other two panellists being an ‘expert’ (the US philosophy Professor Steve Erickson (who was a friend of mine and Brendan’s) and a ‘celebrity’ in the form of Gyles Brandreth.

 

Unlike the preceding pilot of QI (which was indeed hosted by Stephen Fry, albeit as a last-minute stand-in for Michael Palin) and which we all thought was genuinely fresh, Beat The Database was not accounted a success by the production team.

 

Partly because Peter Snow didn’t get the idea until two-thirds of the way through (he thought the panel were lying), and partly because the QI Database that the panel had to ‘beat’ wasn’t then big enough to best them.

 

Still, at the time, we thought it was good enough (after what we had learned) to go to a series. However, after a three-month silence, I rang my BBC commissioner to ask if he’d watched the show.

 

“No”, he said, “Why would I? We’ve already commissioned one series about interesting information, why would we want another?”

 

That says it all, really.

 

And Smartass with Jo Brand (though it had been paid for) was never made.

People’s Palace, Royal Festival Hall, Preceded By The Benn Clatworthy Quartet & A BFI Visit Including Films From The Ian Carmichael Special Season, 6 December 2002

This is how Linda Cook announced the event to the Z/Yen team in November:

Dear All

The Xmas Party has now been arranged, and we are, in the Z/Yen style, going for the more than just a Christmas Meal/Drinking approach.

1 – Hardened revellers can go to the Royal Festival Hall bar from 17:00 onwards, to enjoy a drink and some entertainment in the bar – Benn Clatworthy Quartet described as “tenor sax player in fast-moving hard-bop”.

2 – We shall stagger across the way (National Film Theatre) to see Bertie Wooster and Other Comical Characters “rare surviving footage from the famous 60’s World of Wooster series” at approx 18:20.

3 – Dinner will be at the People’s Palace in the Royal Festival Hall at 20:00.

I need to know which of the evening’s events your partner’s will be attending, I will assume that you are attending all events – if this is not the case please let me know.

Please email me your reply by close of play on Wednesday 20 November.

Regards

Linda Cook

Assistant Social Secretary for this evening, for and on behalf of the Social Secretary for this evening, Ian Harris

If you are desperate to know what the Benn Clatworthy Quartet looks and sounds like – feast your eyes and ears on the following video.

For the seasonal effect, you might prefer the following vid from Los Angeles – admittedly his sextet this time, but surely that is Father Christmas on trumpet? Actually, I think I prefer the sextet’s jazz.

The idea of visiting the British Film Institute (BFI) was linked to the fact that we were doing a fairly sizeable piece of work with that institution at that time. These days, of course, you can get a glimpse of rare old footage without traipsing to the BFI building itself. Here is an episode from that 1960s “World Of Wooster” series with Ian Carmichael:

The meal at The People’s Palace in the Royal Festival Hall building was excellent, although it lacked the “private room” quality that we prefer. We were sort-of screened off but basically in the main restaurant.

For that reason, if no other, we skipped the song that year. I don’t think that Secret Santa or quizzing had been invented yet…at least not for Z/Yen seasonal dos, but still everyone seemed to have a great time.

How Could We Sing The Heavy Rollers Song In A Strange Land? England v India At Trent Bridge, 8 & 9 August 2002

Trent Bridge Cricket Ground: view from the old Parr Stand, 1998 by John Sutton, CC BY-SA 2.0

Steeped in controversy, the 2002 visit to Trent Bridge. For reasons unbeknown to me, the idea of visiting Edgbaston in May for the early season test match there was rejected by the elders of The Heavy Rollers, in favour of this excursion.

The following e-mail from Nigel, dated 7 November 2001, sort-of explains.

Dear Jeff, Ian, David, Charles and Nick,

We agreed, I think, unanimously that we won’t resume our traditional
places at Edgbaston this coming year given that it is taking place in May.
However some mutterings abound for us to up sticks and try Trent Bridge.
This would be for 8th and 9th August, in Nottingham, against India
(2nd
Test) and it would mean adding in some accommodation costs if we do
the 2 days.

So, before I do anything, could you let me know if you are interested.

In the end, neither Jeff – who pulled out of this idea quite early, I think – nor Nigel – who ended up withdrawing at the last minute due to Viv’s sudden and unfortunate indisposition – attended that year.

Indeed, on subsequent occasions, there were even suggestions (mostly emanating from Jeff, I suspect) that 2002 should be scrubbed from the record of Heavy Rollers events, by dint of it not being at Edgbaston and neither featuring Jeff nor Nigel.

Unfortunately, there is nothing in the sacred texts of The Heavy Rollers to provide a categorical answer to this question. Something akin to Exodus 20, with its tablets of stone and explicit commandments, might provide unequivocal guidance. But Nigel’s revelation that led to the Heavy Rollers is less tangible than that:

Curtains as specified in Exodus 26 – click here for the HR origins piece

My judgment on this point is clear. Nigel had organised the 2002 event and would have been there but for mishap. Ipso facto it was a Heavy Rollers occasion. Anyway, history is written and shaped by the victors; I am writing the history of The Heavy Rollers and I have deemed this most certainly to have been a Heavy Rollers event.

Importantly, 2002 was the first visit for several people who had, or have, a regular spot in The Heavy Rollers story – in particular Dan Steed and Harish Gohil.

Dan – at home with The Heavy Rollers in 2003

Harish in 2004 – by then a regular Roller

There was also an early example of a “one hit wonder” guest appearance that year. Here is the cast list from 2002:

  • Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil (a 2002 initiate);
  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
  • “Nick’s Mate” Matt (a one-hit wonder, Heavy Rollers-wise);
  • Me “Ged Ladd”
  • David “David Peel” Steed (second day only);
  • Dan “Dan Peel” Steed (a 2002 initiate – second day only).

We stayed in a hotel described in my records as Nottingham Premier Lodge. No Premier Inns go by that name now and there are several in Nottingham – it might have gone or it might have been this one…or at least one that looked like this – click here. It was functional, most certainly adequate, inexpensive, and also, it has to be said, rather soulless, as such places tend to be.

I seem to recall those of us who were staying at the hotel ahead of Day One (all but The Steeds) purchasing a picnic of sandwiches, drinks and snacks on the morning of the match on the way to the ground. Not yet the post-Steed fierce debates, about Doritos and the like, that latterly echoed through the hollow chamber of Harborne Waitrose on the morning of the match. Nor the beautifully crafted and curated picnics provided by Mrs Malloy to ease the pressure on the pre match Day One proceedings. For Day Two, I am pretty sure The Steeds brought with them a fine picnic for us all; that tended to be the Steed way.

In Jeff Tye’s absence, I picked up the mantle of running the prediction game…a mantle that Jeff, within a year or two, ended up leaving on my lap for posterity.

Below is the very first prediction game template that I produced.

By way of comparison, I have also managed to scan and upload Jeff Tye’s templates from 2001, which ended up in my hands after the Rollers fled for cover from the late afternoon rain that year:

The Heavy Rollers Witness Ashes Cricket Together For The First Time, Edgbaston, 5 & 6 July 2001

The unfortunately absent Nigel had secured us excellent seats. For Day One we were at the front of the Fox Road Stand, for Day Two at the front of the Radcliffe Road End.

Here is a link to the scorecard and other Cricinfo resources from that match.

The match was badly rain-affected, such that we only got the equivalent of one day’s play across the two days; roughly two sessions on Day One and one session on Day Two.

I especially remember Dan Steed sensing that the authorities made sure, on Day Two, that we got precisely enough play to deny ticket refunds but no more than that. I suspect that the matter was coincidental rather than by design, but who knows?

On Day Two especially there were lengthy breaks in play – it was very disjointed. I recall someone (either Dan or Matt) buying one of those souvenir mini bat and ball kits, with which we (mostly me, Nick, Matt & Dan) engineered some quite enjoyable “yard cricket” around the back at the Radcliffe Road end.

We probably looked quite comical – I have asked Dall-E to help me to reimagine the scene:

Studying the scorecard, I realise that those of us who were there on Day One witnessed Steve Harmison‘s debut and those of us who were there on Day Two witnessed Harmison’s first two test wickets. Priceless treasures for our memories of live cricket-watching, those.

2002 is still in the era for which we have no Heavy Rollers photographs from the event itself. You might have noticed that all of the photographs above quote years other than 2002. For a significant fee there are professional photographs from that match available for purchase from Alamy – I’m not going to purchase any myself but you can look at some and make your own decision on whether to purchase or not from this link.

Observant readers/link-clickers of the above link will have spotted flag wavers in the crowd quite consistently waving the Flag of India, which, in their hands and the hands of most wavers, looks like this.

Flag of India, regular look

Unfortunately, Harish went his own way with the waving of his India flag at the front of the Fox Road Stand, waving the flag thusly:

Flag of India, Harish style

Some India supporters spotted Harish and his flag and approached him. They gently explained to him that he was wielding the flag upside down. They also kindly explained to Harish and to all of us the significance of the colour scheme; the green symbolising the land of India, the orange symbolising the glow of the sun above that land.

I have never forgotten their explanation and would henceforward be very sure which is the right or wrong way up…and why.

In a similar “never to be forgotten” vein, we Heavy Rollers have never let Harish forget the Indian flag incident, just to make absolutely sure that Harish never makes that same mistake again. We think of it as an act of kindness and educational policy to remind him about the matter at least once every four years when England play India…and sometimes on other occasions too.

Naturally, Harish’s trademark smile doesn’t leave his face when we are having such conversations.

I remember Harish cheering when England took a wicket, which to me seemed anomalous with the waving of an India flag. I asked him who he supports when England played India. His reply, typically Harish, I paraphrase:

I love it when England play India, because whoever wins, my team has won.

I was reminded of this wonderful attitude recently, when chatting with one of my real tennis friends from Leamington, who said, again I paraphrase:

I always win when I play real tennis. I am on court playing a game I love. That’s a win. I am spending time with friends I want to spend time with. That’s also a win. I also try to win the match I am playing, but even if I don’t win that, I already have won two out of three.

I think this attitude translates also to Heavy Rollersism. Of course we want to see our team do well and go on to win. But even on the occasions when it doesn’t go so well for England…or on the rare occasions when we see little or no play, it is still two wins out of three because we are watching the game we love with people with whom we want to spend our time. That Nigel was on to something when the Heavy Rollers idea was revealed to him from behind the curtains in 1995.

The Second Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society Cricket Match, Much In Need Of Improved Memories, 4 August 2002

Another e-artists’ impression of village cricket by Dall-E and me

By way of contrast with the first Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society match, which I remember well and have documented in some detail…

The First Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society Cricket Match, 15 July 2001

…and even by way of contrast with the third match, which took place in 2004…

…the second match has almost totally evaded my memory. It existed. I have e-mail and diary evidence for it.

Here’s Charles “Charley the Gent Malloy” Bartlett’s shout out from 9 July 2002:

CRICKET MATCH – SUNDAY 4 AUGUST

I am delighted to say that we have arranged a cricket fixture a against a village cricket side called Tuffty Stackpole at their home ground in a village called North Crawley – it’s a 15 minute drive from the Milton Keynes turnoff on the M1 Motorway.

Some of you may remember we played them last Summer, it was a great day, great cricket, great food, great pubs and in beautiful surroundings – there is a small cover charge towards the food and refreshments.

I originally met members of Tufty Stackpole on TCS Treks in China and Peru, they are keen supporters of TCS, and monies from the cricket match will go towards sponsorship for other TCS Treks (sadly theirs not mine!).

The match will start around mid-day and be a 40 over match (that’s 40 overs
each!) – we will probably need a number of 12th men, for cover and substitutes, along with scorers as there is a full size scoreboard.

There will be a number of cars travelling, so transport should not be a problem, I expect everyone to be fixed up with a lift – there and back.

Please advise me on your availability ASAP.

This time around, Janie and I took the precaution of booking out the whole of the Monday following the match. We had a busy weekend ahead of the match, with a night at the Proms on the Saturday preceding.

Reflecting on my absence of memory for this fixture, I even wondered whether the match had been cancelled at the last minute due to an inability to get a team together or inclement weather.

But no.

Janie remembers attending one in which Tufty Stackpole soundly thrashed The Children’s Society – to such an extent that everyone agreed that it would not make sense to repeat the exercise unless or until the Children’s Society could muster a better eleven to give Tufty Stackpole a decent game.

That must have been this second match. The thrashing factor, together with the need to pull together a better squad, might at least in part explain why the fixture didn’t happen again until 2004.

We had no Biff this time around, no Martin Hinks and no Nigel “Father Barry”. “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye was there, as was Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil. Janie thinks she remembers having a long and pleasant chat with Liz Tye on that surprisingly inclement August watching occasion, although that nice chat might have been another year of course.

The only other clues in my e-mail archive include a note from me to Chas on 31 July 2002 suggesting initials for some of us in a desperate attempt to make us sound more like real cricketers:

Perhaps

CPU Bartlett
JFDI Tye
ICT Harris
HTTP Gohil

Also an e-mail exchange between me and Chas after the event, on 16 August 2002, which shows we clearly had “strengthening the team for Tufty on our minds.

ME: Z/Yen is probably close to signing a lapsed but formerly decent club standard player, who would also be suitable and willing for the Tufty fixture.

CHAS: I think I am concerned at this remark by you – because I do not believe it. It is clearly designed to strengthen your team for the annual fixture at Regents Park against TCS!!. Will you stop at nothing to win that trophy?

ME: Nothing.

That hiring, I should say parenthetically, was Mark “Uncail Marcas” Yeandle, who did turn out for Z/Yen a good few times, but never did turn out for TCS against Tufty Stackpole. Probably, in Chas’s memory, Mark is best known for what he does best at cricket…watching. He has joined us several times, e.g. the never-to-be-forgotten 5th day of the 5th Test at the Oval in 2005 and the occasion at Lord’s in 2010 which Chas refers to as “The Day Of The Monster Strawberries” which came courtesy of Mark:

England v Bangladesh Day 2, Lord’s, 28 May 2010

Returning to August 2002, the other thing that will have weakened my memory for this Tufty match is that it was just a few days before we headed off for our Heavy Rollers adventure at Trent Bridge that year:

How Could We Sing The Heavy Rollers Song In A Strange Land? England v India At Trent Bridge, 8 & 9 August 2002

Despite what happened in the cricket at Tufty in 2002, I’m sure the tea and libations after the match were up to the usual Tufty standards – see the report on the first match for all those sorts of details.

The First Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society Cricket Match, 15 July 2001

In short, I need help from other people who were at this second ever Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society match if we are to pull together anything more authoritative about the match than this.

Perhaps some of the Tufty folk have better memories of it and might be encouraged to chime in with their thoughts. If there is a scorebook somewhere in the North Crawley archives, with the details of the Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society matches, scans of those pages would add greatly to the record here.

We have no pictures from 2002 either. So, as it is, I have had to collaborate sparsely with Dall-E to generate some sort of pictorial record of the two sides.

Tufty Stackpole cricketers in 2002

The Children’s Society cricketers in 2002

Nepal, Tibet & Kerala, Placeholder & Links, 7 to 27 April 2002

Janie and I took a wonderful (but at times gruelling) trip to Nepal, Tibet & Kerala in April 2002.

This placeholder and links piece provides links to the full itinerary and photographs from that trip. I kept a good journal and have now uploaded blog pieces for individual days. If you want to start on those from the very beginning, start here or below:

Nepal, Tibet & Kerala Days One & Two: Getting There, 7 & 8 April 2002

Here is a link to the itinerary.

There are three photograph albums (i.e. the photos that made it with labels and comprise a pictorial travelogue in their own right) covering the whole trip, the first being Nepal and Lhasa, the second being the remainder of the Tibet trip and the brief return to Nepal, the third being Kerala:

08 Courtyards inside the Potala Palace, Lhasa G1_16
128 ...followed by Daal at the Thamel House restaurant D7_2
001 17 April 2002 Coconut water on road from Trivandrum to Cochin with our driver, Sharji D7_7

In addition to those labelled albums, there are the raw negative uploads available to view if you just cannot get enough of such pictures. There is an “album” of those that went through Daisy’s canera and an “album” of those that went through Ged’s. We have been known to take pictures with each other’s camera.

First Daisy:

TK_D1_ (28)

Then Ged’s:

TK_G4_ (17)

Some of the raw ones might be sideways and in the wrong sequence unless or until I do some more work ordering them, but they should at least be complete sets by the time you get to them, dear reader.

Nepal, Tibet & Kerala Day Twenty-One: From Kovalam To Home Via Red Tape & Doha, 27 April 2002

There is a placeholder with links to the itinerary and all the photos from this trip – click here or below:

Rise early – 5:30, early breakfast 6 o’clock, depart 6:45.

Say goodbye to Lerhic and Sharji, to embark on one of the most bureaucratic check-ins we’ve ever had – business class or no!

Final straw – after being told to go through security before going to the Business Lounge, we were told that we should not have gone through security before the Business Lounge and were stuck.

First world probelm this, i do not need to be told, thank you.

Mr Anonymous-Officious really got my goat by pretending he would help and then obfuscating obstructing.

As I made increasing loud and threatening complaint, charming Kochi (Qatar’s answer to Mr Sharma) saved the day, so we spent 30 blissful minutes in the best Business Lounge this side of Bangalore.

That’s all I wrote, folks, so the rest of the journey home must have passed incident free.

Nepal, Tibet & Kerala Day Twenty: Marari Beach To Surya Samudra In Kovalam, 26 April 2002

There is a placeholder with links to the itinerary and all the photos from this trip – click here or below:

Head off for Surya Samudra quite early so rise at six, take early breakfast, saying our goodbyes and paying bills.

Lerhic accompanies us to Kovalum along with Sharji driving (perhaps the namedrop of Purves earlier on the trip triggered this). We chat about Kerala tourism and hotels along the way and the four hours pass quickly.

I also clearly remember discovering that Lerhic and I had a “difficult client” in common; difficulties for Z/Yen were ancient history by 2002 (mid 1990s) whereas Lerhic had just suffered at the hands of this larger-than-life notable woman.

Surya Samudra is beautiful and Lerhic– Mr Fixit – has organised the Octagon for us – the Professor’s former digs and Bertolucci’s favourite room.

Importantly, The Octagon is right by the pool, enabling us quickly to change, lounge, take a club sandwich and chips, read, take shade, lounge, take sun, swim, take sun, read and finally stroll the grounds and dodge the local touts.

Rest, wash and prepare for dinner. We take prawns in creme de la mere (no lobsters today), plus grilled king fish, plus chapatis, carrots, spinach with coconut, coconut rice and lemon rice plus afters is banana and chocolate ice cream.

Meet lovely lady (Hilary) while dining and chat to her while waiting for monsoon like storm to pass before retiring early.

Nepal, Tibet & Kerala Days Fifteen To Nineteen: Five Full Days At Marari Beach, 21 to 25 April 2002

There is a placeholder with links to the itinerary and all the photos from this trip – click here or below:

We took a lovely pool villa at the Marari Beach Resort; we had a walled garden and our own small pool, which was glorious luxury.

We learnt from starstruck staff that Paul McCartney and Heather Mills had spent their honeymoon there a few weeks before our stay.

The Marari Beach Resort also had/has a superb Ayurvedic Centre where we could enjoy therapies galore.

Below is my journal for those few days and a sample of the photos. My entreaties that we were busy and having nightmarish days are very tongue in cheek. It was several days of sheer bliss.

21 April 2002

Busy day at Marari Beach resort.

Up early, played tennis, watched cricket highlights, ate breakfast, lounged around, checked out Ayervedic Centre with afternoon massage – also checked out shop.

Lounged around some more (poor weather now) slept, read, rested.

Had a lovely dinner of jumbo prawns thermidor washed down with a bottle of wine.

22 April 2002

Another busy day. Rose a little later today – Janie checked out the yoga class…

Krishnakurup the master, Anthony and Janie the apprentices

– short game of tennis afterwards – then breakfast – then lounging.

Cashews for lunch – I have Ayervedic massage again – more lounging – meditation class – rest – and then supper of butter chicken masala with butter nan bread washed down with beer.

23 April 2002

Another hectic day. Wake a little later and it is too hot for tennis. We sunbathe instead, take breakfast (I tried bacon and beans but realise that I prefer the Indian stuff– dosas, sambal, coconut chutney, puris etc plus fresh fruit and yoghurt).

Anthony (he was in the yoga class) shows us the organic garden and sewage plant (yes really).

Cashew snack lunch followed by Indian foot massage by [Krishnakurup] the yoga master (who is also the meditation master, foot massage master, formerly a maths master and was a headmaster)! Amazing treatment.

Then we take the late day sun and relax followed by cookery exhibition (fish curry and gourd and coconut).

Rest, then dinner of prawns mouli with coconut milk (aka “Prawn Shmuli”) with lime rice and some of that snake gourd stuff washed down with wine.

24 April 2002

Frantic day here at Marari Beach Resort.

Up early for tennis – fail to get cricket broadcast but learn that India won a nailbiter.

Take early morning sun – then breakfast.

Then early massage as Benny (my masseur) has afternoon off.

Then lounge – then snack toasty at beach grill – then lounge – then choose our crustations – then lounge – then try to stroll beach but the sand is much too hot – then lounge until dark – then rest…

…then go to beach grill and eat our lobsters, jumbo prawns and tiger prawns with wine.

25 April 2002

Nightmare of a day!

Play tennis a little later than Daisy would choose – took a little sun before breakfast, more sun, massage at noon, reading in the shade, cashew nuts, more reading (Daisy is rushing to finish The Age Of Kali so that she can give it to Sandeep.

Sandeep was the charming young man who looked after us at the Ayervedic Centre. We had several intertesting chats about ife, the universe and everything.

We take sun, we swim, we take sun, we read – nightmare.

As the sun fades we shower, pack, drop off the age of Kali, say goodbye to Sandeep and have a final stroll along the beach – lovely.

Finish packing and rest before supper – go to beach grill to share a seafood platter (squid, local fish, small prawns, tiger prawns, jumbo prawns) plus the smallest snapper they had which was gluttonously large and delicious grilled, with garlic butter, lemon butter and shrimp cocktail sauce. And wine.

Said goodbye to waiter Joice and returned early.