Category: Cricket

Subterranean Homesick Highs, “MTWD Lost Masterpiece”, Middlesex v Leicestershire at Southgate Day 2, 12 September 2007

This is the last of my MTWD lost masterpieces. The background to the phenomenon of MTWD “lost masterpieces” is explained in this link – click here. In short, Sportnetwork permanently lost a swathe of published features from 2007.

But fear not; I tend to keep everything.

I need to explain some terms here. “Lover” is Gerry The Bookseller. The Special One and Special K is Murali Kartik. I wasn’t really reading ethics stuff for the Worshipful Company of Estate Realists (no, really not), but I was on the BCS Ethics Panel by then, so I suspect that I was reading papers pertaining to that role.

Subterranean Homesick Highs

 

“Ged feat. Lover” reports from a cavern beneath the mound that is The Walker Ground in Southgate. It was an up and down sort of day; Middlesex in the ascendancy and Leicestershire zooming in the other direction. Ged arrives late and misses lots of action, but Lover provides the vital update to enable Ged to complete his report.  Confused?  You will be.

 

Lover steps up to the plate and comes to the party

Ged had some business to attend to this morning, so he arrived at The Walker Ground 11:30/11:40 ish.  Ged neatly parked the Gedmobile (named Nobby) and spotted Lover chatting to someone at the Adelaide end.  Recalling that Lover is usually a punctual sort of chap, and recalling that Lover owed Ged a quid from a transaction earlier in the season, Ged spotted two opportunities.

“Morning Lover” says Ged, pausing only to watch his first ball of the day, with which Special K dispensed with Sadler – a nick through to Ben Scott.  “Seems I’ve brought the team some luck”, says Ged.  “Not really”, replies Lover, “that must be the fifth wicket this morning”.  “Cruumbs”, says Ged, ”good job I’ve run into you then; you can help be to cover the bit of the match I’ve missed”.  “Happy to help”, says Lover, “what do you need to know?”  “Tell me about all these wickets”, I ask.  And thus spake Lover.

“Well, it didn’t look too promising at first.  Lots of good deliveries but nothing quite coming off for Middlesex.  Then all the wickets started to fall.  That’s it really”

“Tell us about the wickets, Lover, the readers like to know about wickets,” Ged interjected.

“Kartik took most of them, I think, although Murtagh got one (or was it two?).  Anyway, they’re coming thick and fast now,” Lover mumbled.

“A little more detail, perhaps, Lover” Ged politely enquired.  “Means of dismissal, for instance?”.

“Who knows?  Who cares?  Make it up.  No-one will notice.  Say what you like and credit it to me.”  Lover had clearly reached his limit.

“I think I’ll suggest that Nixon signalled and then attempted a massive reverse sweep as part of the captain’s campaign to restore order to the innings, overbalanced and was stumped off a wide one when Scott did an acrobatic take and swipe”, I said, half expecting Lover to correct me and thus to glean the information I wanted that way.

“Yeh, it went something like that”, Lover muttered.

“Gosh, thanks Lover”, I said, “and by the way, you owe me a quid”.

 

In a Heap

Ged tries to set up his stall in a quiet corner of the Phil Edmonds excavation, but a particularly helpful steward tells him that he is too close to the scoreboard (about 15 yards away from it), so he’ll have to muck in with the rest further round.  Ged was especially impressed by the nice couple who subsequently set themselves up on the exact same spot, only to be confronted by the steward.  “Thank you”, they said, “we’ll move in a few minutes, when we’re ready” and then sat there for the rest of the day.  Civil disobedience; don’t ya love it?

Ged then saw the rest of Leicestershire collapse in a heap.  Henderson nicked one through to Scotty.  Masters played an ugly stroke to get caught at slip by Strauss off Special K (that was Special K’s fivefer), Jerome Taylor nicked Finn’s first ball of the day through to Scotty (fivefer for Scotty too) and Naik was soon to follow as a sixth for The Special One.

By this point, Ged was well placed in the Phil Edmonds excavation sitting near a couple of Leicestershire fans (one of whom coincidentally turned out to be John Maunders dad – people really will start to talk about Ged!).  They seemed unsurprised at the collapse and at least glad that Maunders had top scored for his team.

 

Batting again

By this time, Ged had made a start on his work.  The Worshipful Company of Estate Realists have asked Ged to help them put together a paper on ethics in the estate agency profession.  Unsurprisingly, there is little material to be had on this subject, but Ged wanted to have a look through the little that does exist (and remember that Government and Quango papers cannot weigh in at under 100 pages).  Best part of a day at the cricket would be ideal for such a task.

Middlesex started unsurprisingly slowly and seemed little troubled by Masters and Taylor up front – the latter being clearly the more challenging of the two.  Soon, Masters gave up in favour of Henderson, who bowled tight but didn’t look as tricky as The Special One.

Straussy decided to go the sweep route and Hendo had him LBW.  Billy the Kid and Captain Ted set a “steady as she goes” course through till tea.

Half an hour (eight overs to be precise) before tea, for some reason, Leics took a drink break.  Seemed odd.

Ged made some good headway with his reading and even made some notes, despite occasional interruptions from friends and neighbours.

 

Evening session

It was a beautiful late afternoon at Southgate – just as Ged always likes to ponder about the place – but it wasn’t to be a beautiful evening session for Billy the Kid.  First ball after tea, Hendo hits the Kid’s pad.  The umpire thinks for a moment, raises the finger and Billy the Kid looks back at the umpire with a look of utter astonishment.  The Kid drags himself off, with a couple of backward stares and then enters the players’ tent.  There is then the sound of willow on something other than leather from within the tent.  Big Perce would be apoplectic at this point; thank heavens he wasn’t there to see it.

Captain Ted and Joycey looked steady – indeed during this phase they looked to get on top of the bowling and the score advanced rapidly.  Jigar Naik (which sounded like a term of abuse when his name was announced over the tannoy) was mostly tight but also gave away a few.  Ryan Cummins (Ged wondered, Pooter-like, whether he was always goin’) was expensive.

Then the softest of dismissals for Joycey (he’s had that sort of season) and only a short stay for Captain Morgan who nicked the hapless Cummins through to Nixon for 1, which was 1 better than his first innings.  Ged lamented that he has yet to see Morgan demonstrate his budding, tremendous talent in a first class match.

Fifteen minutes before stumps (with just four overs remaining in the day) Leics take another drinks break.  The turkeys go bananas over in the Phil Edmonds excavation and a near riot is only averted by some excellent stewarding, especially the steward who has such precise ideas on where chairs can and cannot be placed in the excavation.

At this point, Ged decided that he didn’t want to get mixed up in crowd trouble and anyway he needed to avoid the traffic on a big footie night, and so Ged made an early exit.  Apparently Captain Ted reached his ton before stumps.  Perhaps someone who remained till the end could describe that moment and also let us know if there were further crowd incidents at the end of play.

So that’s it for Ged – no more live cricket this season.  Ged did get home in time to see the last 7 overs of Zimbabwe teaching the Aussies a lesson and Ged might as well get used to televised cricket for a while now.  But the memory of an early autumn evening at Southgate when the weather is spot on and Middlesex are doing well really does take some beating.  Which is probably more than can be said for Leicestershire just now.

If by any chance anyone is still reading and cannot guess what happened in the match, here is a link to the scorecard.

England v India 7th ODI, Lord’s, 8 September 2007

Who’d have thought that a seven match ODI series between these two teams would go down to the wire?

I booked this one mostly because Janie was at that time expressing a preference for ODIs and it seemed a rare opportunity to take in some late season cricket at Lord’s.

Still a bit numb from all that had happened this summer, my recall of this match is not great. We’d been out to dinner with Charlotte the night before – she left quite early in the morning while we prepared the picnic.

Judging from the scorecard, it looks as though India finally ran out of steam at the end of a long tour.  Lord’s tends to get lower and slower by the end of the season. Perhaps the Indian batsmen set off trying to score far more than would be possible. Perhaps England bowled well.

No perhaps about our picnic – it would have been a good one.

Thank Evans For Little Gullys, “MTWD Lost Masterpiece”, Middlesex v Gloucestershire at Lord’s Day 3, 24 August 2007

The background to the phenomenon of MTWD “lost masterpieces” is explained in this link – click here. In short, Sportnetwork permanently lost a swathe of published features from 2007.

But fear not; I tend to keep everything.

Readers will be delighted to learn that I didn’t really chair the judging of double-glazing awards, but I was chairing the National Payroll Giving Awards in those days.

Connoisseurs will notice Ged (that’s me) using the Vaughanian third person a great deal in this report.

Thank Evans For Little Gullys – Middlesex v Glos Day 3

Early Doors

Ged decided to do a day’s work at Lord’s today.  He has been asked to Chair a panel of the great and good judging for a prestigious awards event.  The UK Double Glazing Awards, sponsored by the Worshipful Company of Double-Glaziers and Sealed Unitarians.  Goodness alone knows why Ged has been asked to fulfil this important and pivotal role in the wheels of UK commerce, but some senior figures from industry, the civil service and the charity world are set to have their casting vote cast by Ged.

So, Ged gathered 28 award applications, his trusty digital tranny, a small bag of rations and off he set to Lord’s to spend the day watching cricket and marking award applications.

He didn’t leave home until 10:30, which would still enable him to get to Lord’s on time for the start by use of public transport or a Hackney Carriage, but part of Ged’s pleasure on such days is the 35 minute walk, so, suitably comforted and watered  he got to a seat in the middle tier of the pavilion between 10 and quarter past.  Ed Smith had added half a dozen runs to the overnight score.

 

Down to Business

While Strauss and Smith got down to business trying to build a score worth having, Ged got down to the alternative business of reading through several applications for the “Best Excuse For Dodgy Double-Glazing Craftsmanship 2007” Award.  The repetitive nature of the applicants’ claims chimed nicely with the metronomic accuracy of Lewis’ and Kirby’s bowling.  Both were unlucky not to take wickets, as they bowled well, although Smith and Strauss were rarely troubled that much.  Ged felt that seeing off the new ball pair would be vital.

Around an hour into play, Ged moved on to the “Best Use of Attractive Daughter as Decoy on Double-Glazing Sales Visit 2007” award; the delightful young lady who had accompanied such a salesman on a visit to Daisy’s house earlier in the year strangely had not been nominated.  And around that time Hardinges (announced by Mr Perambulate the announcer in the singular; “Harding”) came on to replace Kirby at the Pavilion End to bowl pies that were suitably despatched square (ahh, “square pies” I hear you all sigh) and in front of wicket for four with delightful regularity.

Lewis seemed to want to bowl at the Nursery End all morning, but eventually made way for debutant Tom Stayt.  This seemed to be a suitable time to move on to the “Best Repair of Double Glazing Damaged by a Cricket Ball 2007” award.  Straussy, by now motoring, clearly thought similarly, but on 75, just before lunch, he holed out attempting a big one off debutant Stayt; 135/2 and that’s lunch.

 

Lunch

Ged was very much aware that he wanted to follow the England game on his radio as well as the Middlesex game before his eyes.  And while he can cope with two sets of stimulation (Middlesex and Glazing), three simultaneous sources might blow his mind.  So he swiftly moved on to the largest category, “Best Telesales Bullshit About Discounts Only Being Available If You Sign Up For Double-Glazing Today 2007” award.  Abstemiously, Ged merely munched an apple and a small bag of almonds while he marked.  Such can be the glories of a pavilion lunch.

 

Afternoon Delight, Glaws Style

In the 35 minutes between the resumption and the start of the England game, Ged marked the last two categories quickly; only two applicants for each which made it easy; “Most Ludicrous Freebie Thrown In With Double-Glazing Order 2007” and “Most Flagrant Extra Charge For Something That Wasn’t Included in the Original Price”.  Meanwhile Joyce and Smith were going great guns.  Ged read the proposed eulogy for the “Special Award for Carbon-Neutral-New-PVC of the Year Award”, plugged in his ears for the England game and then set to, summarising his scores and filling in forms.

At this point, unbeknown to Ged at that time (Ged remaining in the Pav until completing his work), Barmy Kev arrived at Lord’s and took his seat in the Upper Eddy.  The score was 197/2 and Middlesex seemed to be cruising.  Then, against the run of play (although Kirby had been brought back at the Pavilion End), Joyce got one that really flew across him and he was caught well at slip.  Two balls later, Rymps played on trying to leave one.  Next over,  Stayt got Smith caught at slip.  And only one scratchy extra was added before Scott was caught behind of Stayt for a blob.  197/2 had becomme 198/6 and everyone was wondering whether or not Middlesex would manage even one batting bonus point.

By all accounts, at this point the Turkeys in the Upper Eddy offered Barmy Kev considerable sums of money to go away and never ever come back.  And by those same accounts Barmy “Goes4cash” Kev seriously considered their offer.

But Middlesex rallied a bit, Vaas and Murtagh eventually getting that vital 1st batting point.  Ged finished his work and decided to wander round to the Upper Eddy for a change of view.  Despite (or perhaps because of) his abstemious lunch, he accidentally bumped into the ice cream van and felt obliged to help out on a chilly day by parting company with £1.70 for a small cone with flake.

As Ged emerged at the top of the Upper Eddy, cone already long gone, the light was offered and accepted in return for an early tea, with 44 overs still remaining.

 

We Had Joy, We Had Fun, We Had Evans and Some Evening Sun

The Upper Eddy was the place to be for that evening session.  Early tea was a wise move, as no overs were lost and the light improved considerably in those 20 minutes and there were even hints of possible sunshine – indeed the sun shone for a reasonable chunk of that session.

Middlesex pressed on to 300+, despite losing Murtagh soon after tea, Murali Kartik managed, with minimal footwork, to support Cha Cha Vaas to a respectable Middlesex score.  305/7 was enough to convince Ed Smith that we wanted 30 overs at them tonight, so declaration came and there was much debate about whether this was too soon, too late or about right.

At 50/0 it looked as though Middlesex had goofed, but Ed called on debutant Danny Evans from the Pavilion End, who looked quicker than the “medium-fast” tag on  his cricnfo sheet and who induced a hoik behind square from Spearman, caught well by Joyce, a big first wicket in 1st class cricket. 1-1-0-1 read Evans figures after his 1st 1st class over.

But then the clouds returned briefly and Ed entered into negotiations with the umpires.  On came Kartik at the Nursery End and Rymps at the Pavilion End.  Soon Kartik had induced stumpings off Hodnett and Ali; Ed almost shook hands with umpire Burgess to thank him for the enforced but inspired owling change.

And when the sunlight returned, Murtagh and Richardson managed to snare one each before the close.

Could Middlesex induce a follow-on even from here?  Can Middlesex dictate terms to some extent to agree a sensible declaration, joke bowl and chase.  Glaws are -5 on over rate at the moment – pitiful really even without a spinner – play finished about 19:15 – so they might see such a scenario as a way to bag 2.5 points.

It’s really hard to get a match done in 2 days, but Middlesex did all the right things Day 3 to try to make that happen.

An excellent day of cricket at Lord’s, given the dire weather-affected match situation at the start of Day 3.

If by any chance anyone is still reading and keen to know what happened in the match – here is a link to the scorecard.

England v India, 3rd Test, Day 2, Oval, 10 August 2007

I remember very little about this day. It was between dad’s passing away on the Monday and the funeral, all scheduled and arranged for the following Monday.

I considered not going, but mum and Janie both saw no sense in me moping around at home instead – there was nothing left to arrange. My original plan had been to go Beer Festing with the Z/Yen crowd the night before, but I am sure I pulled out of that event that year; there had been and would be other years.

But with the Oval so close to mum and dad’s house, it would be an easy hop over to mum’s after stumps, which is exactly what I did.

The guests that day were Harish Gohil (Charles was down to join us but ducked out, I think because he had needed to take so much time off for other reasons that summer), David Highton (formerly of Broadcasting Support Services), Shums Cassim (who was trying to get SpecialZm going), Stuart Caplin (a very charming gentleman from St James’s Place – Shums choice of guest).

Judging from the scorecard – here – India spent the day making England suffer having made England suffer the day before – gosh India were a strong test side at that time.

I think I made my excuses a little early to beat the crush and get to mum’s at a reasonable hour. I guess I travelled to the house from the Oval using the tube and then a minicab from Balham – not the pocket-money-preserving tuppence bus fare of my childhood.

Janie came to the house and I recall mum was in a very dark mood by that evening. We tried to distract her and lighten the mood a little (which I think is what you are supposed to do in these circumstances) and then got told off for inappropriate levity.

It Took Four Balls, “MTWD Lost Masterpiece”, Middlesex v Glamorgan Day 3, Lord’s, 2 August 2007

Having written up my recollection of this morning/lunch at Lord’s with Peter Cox, I realise that one of the Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) “lost masterpieces” (click this link to read the background to those pieces) relates to that very same visit to Lord’s. Intriguing (at least for me) to read the differences and similarities. Very long match report for a short session of cricket – perhaps that was meant to be the joke. Another one for connoisseurs, this.

It Took Four Balls

Ged Ladd reports on the abridged Third Day of the Middlesex v Glamorgan match at Lord’s.  Ged meets up with Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith to watch the denouement of this shortened match. And here, indeed is a “brief” match report, albeit almost as long as today’s session of play.

In early enough

Ged had arranged to meet up with his friend Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith for an afternoon of business and cricket chat, so it needed a few phone calls and a very early start to enable Ged to switch to a morning/lunch meet instead.  But Ged has seen so little first class cricket this season, and Peter is about to go off on his travels, so appropriate action simply had to be taken.

Peter said he’d get to Lord’s early for a pre-match bacon sarny, but when Ged arrived at about 10:50 Peter was nowhere to be seen.  Ged did a tour of the Pavilion, exchanged pleasantries with several of the regulars and then, confident that Peter was not yet there, plonked himself in the Long Room – the place he knew to be Peter’s favoured view.

Vaastly Experienced

Ged was concerned that Peter might miss the whole thing if he had been delayed for too long, with Chaminda Vaas bowling well from the Nursery End straight away.  Silverwood looked even more threatening from the Pavilion End, but of course Croft and Wharf are no rabbits and looked determined to bat for a good while.

In any case, Peter arrived soon enough and the pitch seemed to be doing absolutely nothing.  As Ged expected, Peter was keen to watch from the Long Room high chairs – something Ged has only ever done for the odd few minutes before, so it was an interesting experience to watch a whole (albeit shortened) session of play from there.

Word from those who had been around the day before was that Glamorgan’s batting performance on Wednesday had been inexplicably awful – indeed some said that Middlesex’s 361 was woefully below par and that the Glamorgan response to being given a chance had been pathetic.

Brains

Silverwood had looked the more threatening of the opening bowlers and it was always going to be a simple matter of time.  Peter and I agreed that Murali “Special K” Kartik should be given the ball pretty quickly from the Nursery End and so he was.  But Silverwood struck first with an LBW shout against Croft that looked pretty handy and it was no surprise to see Vanburn Holder’s finger go up.

Croft marched through the Long Room looking pretty dejected and then out strode Dean Cosker.  Peter and I debated the relative merits of 9-10-Jack, Peter favouring Cosker and Ged favouring both of the others ahead of him.

Meanwhile Alex Wharf was not giving up without a bit of a fight, using his feet to good effect and clattering a couple of decent boundaries, including a well-struck six.

All too soon after his arrival, Dean Cosker decided that he knew how to handle “The Special One” and danced down the wicket to a flat, quicker one.  It was certainly missing leg and it was certainly missing off.  It was also certainly a quicker ball because it took middle peg right out of it slot.  Always good fun to witness that.

As Dean Cosker marched off, I noticed the promotional message on his chest, Brains Beer, and observed to Peter that Cosker’s shot was hardly a good advert for that product.  A more brainless shot while attempting to save a match I couldn’t imagine.

Salivating Thoughts of a Win

So, out comes Waters and Alex Wharf continues to bat well.  Another big six entertains the tiny crowd.  Wharf seemed particularly assured against Special K, but set against both.  Soon enough, Richardson replaces Silverwood at the Pavilion End and eventually Murtagh replaces Special K at the Nursery End.  I suppose, to be fair, Ed Smith was holding out on Kartik’s behalf in the hope he could get a tenfer.  Indeed, he probably deserved a tenfer given that he had taken 9 good ones on a track that was offering him the square root of naff-all.

Tim Murtagh was putting the ball in the right place straight away.  Peter and I discussed that dreadful clichéd expression “putting the ball in the right areas”.  We even discussed whether the plural was a reference to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle.  I think a journalist should ask a player that question next time he uses the offending expression.  It would be good to hear the answer.

By now it was a little after 12:30.  Peter announced that he was mighty hungry and had a crazy craving for the bacon sarny he missed earlier by arriving later than intended.  He even got up and wandered into the Long Room Bar to see what was available and toyed with the idea of skiving off to eat before the end of the match and/or lunch.

Mercifully, such sentiments can induce a wicket or two.  So, it wasn’t long before Murtagh put his hand up, stepped up to the plate, came to the party and put the ball in enough of the right areas to induce a false shot from Waters.  Attempting to clip the ball off his legs, Waters mistimed it high into the air, indeed almost over Nick Compton’s head at square leg and it took a good leaping catch (perhaps milked a tad) to bring about the wicket.

And very soon after that, one from Richardson kept low to Alex Wharf.  When Ged says “that’s got to be out” for an LBW shout the finger rarely fails to go up.  Vanburn Holder duly raised his finger, the Middlesex boys did a little jig of delight to celebrate an emphatic win and the Ged/Peter combo dipped out of the Long Room sharpish to ensure that they were first in the queue for grubsy and beer.

Only Two Ducks Today

So there were only two ducks today – the two that appeared on Peter and Ged’s plates.  Washed down with a decent beer each, the conversation turned to matters of playing cricket as well as watching cricket.  Oh, and the occasional business matter, which had allegedly been the object of the exercise in the first place.

Had Glamorgan shown as much spirit for the first 16 wickets that they showed for the last four, they might have made a bit more of a fight of this match.  But they didn’t.  And Middlesex have a fine bowling attack this season, so we can exploit weakness when weakness is shown.

Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith is still optimistic that Middlesex can go up; he thinks that we can beat Notts at Lord’s and that our games in hand, coming in (hopefully) better weather conditions, stand us in better stead than the league table looks at the moment.  Ged remains quietly hopeful but not quite so optimistic.  But for today, let’s enjoy the moment of a big win and hope for more such wins to come.

 

Lunch With Peter Cox/Middlesex v Glamorgan Day 3 at Lord’s, 2 August 2007

This was a slightly strange day. Peter Cox and I had agreed to meet for an informal catch-up at Lord’s this afternoon, during this Middlesex v Glamorgan match. The match was unfolding quickly, with Glamorgan following on and ending the second day six down, second time around. With the prospect of very little play, Peter and I re-jigged our plans to meet up at Lord’s in the morning and have a spot of lunch together for our catch up.

Meanwhile, I had visited mum and dad the evening before and realised that dad must be dying – he just looked so frail and spaced out. I said as much to Janie as I was driving home, indeed wondering how dad even had the strength to get upstairs to bed. (Answer – the following night; the early hours of Friday morning, he didn’t have the strength).

My diary says I had a training session at the gym with Becca at 6:30 that Thursday morning, so I guess I had time to go home and clear my morning e-mails before ambling over to Lord’s for 11:00.

The cricket didn’t take long to unfold – Wharf and Croft showed some resistance for a few minutes but then Croft fell and soon after the inevitable happened. I’m not sure that Peter and I even left the cosseted splendour of the Long Room that August morning. It was nice to witness a match win and the end of match formalities from the Long Room.

Peter and I then went to the Long Room Bar (a place where I rarely dine) for lunch and to continue our conversation, which naturally drifted into ageing parents territory as well as the cricket and bit of business we’d planned to discuss.

The Children’s Society v Tufty Stackpole at Bentley CC, 29 July 2007

Daisy Heavy Roller

The banter for this match started early. It probably started as soon as The Children’s Society actually won the previous year’s fixture against Tufty Stackpole, at North Crawley; an event which seemed to displease the Tufties somewhat.

In the early days the Tufties complained that The Children’s Society were not putting up a competitive team, but over the years The Society’s access to big Saffers increased while the age demographic of the Tufties…also increased. You get the picture.

However, a message from Charles to Geoff 10 days before the event indicated that all was not well with the Children’s Society selection this time:

I am doing my best on numbers

I have had three players drop out and 2 of them proberly [sic] the best in the team!

Geoff responded within minutes:

Hi Charles

If two of your best players have dropped out, does this mean that Ian isn’t playing?

Role [sic] on the 29th

All the best

Geoff

I think Geoff was straightforwardly paying homage to my skills, but Charles inferred that Geoff’s response was a slur on my cricket ability. Or perhaps Chas wanted to lob another verbal grenade at the opposition. Whatever his reasoning, Chas wrote back a few minutes later as follows:

Geoff, I will have you know that Ian is playing the best cricket I have ever seen him play, so beware with your cheap comments and jibes about Ian!!

All the best

Charles

Chas’s role that year had in any case, unfortunately, become limited to organising the event and engaging in such bants, as he was injured/grounded for the match.

As usual, I had arranged nets and I can tell from the e-mail exchanges that Adam Hinks was at the net on Tuesday 24 July. It might have been just the two of us but I have a feeling that Matt Watson was there too. Lord’s looked a bit “after the Lord Mayor’s parade” that evening, I recall, but I don’t really remember what happened in the nets that night.

I have an extraordinary number of e-mails on the system of the “last minute drop-out”, “enforced team changes” and “could you find us another…” variety, from Charles, in the few weeks leading up to the match.

As the day drew nearer, though, Chas apparently abdicated the responsibility to Harish, who had let slip to Charles that he had friends and relations who like cricket. As the day approached, Harish wrote:

Dear all,

Just to let you know that my brother and my 14 year old nephew will be playing this Sunday. That means we are one short and Charles is waiting to hear nack [sic] back from Vishal. The team so far is as follows

1 Harish
2 Adam
3 Ian
4 Matt (Wicket keeper)
5 Nitin
6 Nitin’s friend
7 Malcolm
8 Matt Barker
9 Tarun (my brother)
10 Krishal (my nephew)
11 nephew’s friend 

Regards

Harish

But the weather played a cruel trick on us overnight ahead of the match; heavy rain. Charles called me quite early on the Sunday and said that it didn’t look good; the guys from Bentley CC had called him to let him know that a fair bit of the pitch was waterlogged.

Yet the weather had relented, at least in London and Essex it had, with some sunshine and a helpful breeze. We guessed that we might get a shortened match of some sort; just not a prompt start sort of match. But after some frantic calls between Charles and Geoff from the Tufties, it became clear that most of the Tufties had pulled out and that we would have to cobble together some sort of a game amongst those of us who took the time and trouble to turn up despite the limited match prospects.

When we got there, the first thing we realised was that Bentley CC is a really lovely ground and pavilion – Charles had found a little gem of a place for us out near Brentwood, Essex.

The second thing we realised was that waterlogged really did mean waterlogged at Bentley – but that only applied to some, not all of the pitch. Unfortunately, the bowlers run-ups were part of the problem, so we concocted a small scale game to be played on matting, away from the worst excesses of waterlogging, which would give those of us who had turned up to play a bit of a game.

The picture at the top of the page shows Daisy giving the sopper the full works. I recall Adam Hinks bowling at me in the nets and (to his horror) misdirecting a delivery fast and down the body-line, thus nearly taking my head off. The rain had spiced up the nets up good and proper (as the locals might put it). It was that near miss that convinced me to buy a helmet for the next season and never bat again without one.

I think Geoff and Derry Young might have been the only Tufties who (very kindly) turned up, whereas we turned up with a pretty full contingent, including some helpful folk from Bentley, so I think we played the fun game we eventually played was a seven-a-side game; perhaps even eight-a-side.

I don’t recall much of what happened in our mini match. I do recall a young Bentley CC local named Ryan, who had been especially helpful, working hard to try and get some sort of match going for us, proving also to be a very useful cricketer with bat and ball. Ryan turned out to be one of Charles’s main (not so secret) weapons the following year, when we returned (without the Tufties). I also recall a 14 year-old Bentley CC leggie named Andy playing in the game and causing all sorts of problems with his spin bowling and athleticism in the field.

I do also recall needing to dip my hand quite deep into my pockets, as did Charles, to make sure that the event wasn’t a loss and that the Children’s Society got a little something out of the rain-affected 2007 “Tufty Stackpole match that wasn’t.”

 

England v India 1st Test Day 4, Lord’s, 22 July 2007

Sunday at the Lord’s test with Daisy. My recollection of this particular day is not special.

I think we sat in the Upper Edrich for this day, as we had for the ODI against the West Indies a few weeks earlier. I think this was the day we found ourselves sitting next to Michael Billington and his good lady, with whom we chatted for a while.

The scorecard reveals what happened in the match. The day started with England in a strong position, then England tried to abdicate that strong position, until a superb partnership between KP and Matt Prior restored England’s position of strength. Wonderful days of test cricket at Lord’s should always be thus.

Daisy and I took the following day off work but did not venture back to Lord’s. Had we done so, we would have witnessed a nail-biting ending live – instead we witnessed it from the comfort of home.

 

 

Middlesex v Essex T20, Ravaged By Ravi, A 2007 MTWD “Lost Masterpiece”, 6 July 2007

By 2007 I was one of the small band of Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) website editors and moderators. I especially liked the editorial side of things and enjoyed writing slightly left-field match reports.

In theory, every editorial piece ever written on MTWD remains live on the site, if you can be bothered to trawl the archive and/or know which key words to Google.  Except that, tragically, a swathe of 2007 match reports was lost in a Sportnetwork incident that was never properly explained.   I refer to those pieces as “the lost masterpieces”.  In truth, at least one of those 2007 reports is a fine piece of juvenilia by a then student, now award-winning journalist.

Except, of course, that my own scribblings never die, they simply get backed up in infeasibly strange places – such as the archive pit of my main computer.  (Indeed several other pieces, including the above mentioned juvenilia, have been preserved in their final but unpublished format).

So I am able to revive my report of the wonderful evening Janie and I (naturally in the guise of Daisy and Ged) spent with some close friends, also appearing under assumed names.

In scorecard terms, this is the match we saw that evening – click here.

As I cannot link to MTWD for this lost masterpiece, here it is restored/reproduced verbatim below.  Some connoisseurs of the “Vaughanian third person” will appreciate several references to myself as “Ged”.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Ravaged by Ravi, Bopped By Bopara

  

Ged Ladd reports on the Twenty20 betwixt Middlesex and Essex at Lord’s.  Daisy was there, so it had to be a final over nail-biter finish.  Meet Ged and Daisy’s friends from Essex, John-Boy and Maddja, plus their delightful daughters.  The match twisted, the match turned, the result was not what Ged and Daisy wanted, but it was a good match, it didn’t rain and a fun evening out was had by all.

 

In early

Daisy and I both quit work a little early to be sure of getting good seats for our whole entourage, which includes two small girls tonight.  Quitting work a little early was not as easy as it looked.  I was seeing a client in Whitehall, unaware of tube problems, the impending Tour de France (some navigational problems there, or have the Normans invaded us again?) and finally a “gas leak” leading to Notting Hill Gate being cordoned off.  Suffice it to say that I got home much later than expected and that I shall be doing an hour or more of work as well as writing this report at sparrowfart on Saturday!

 

Meet the family.  We’ll start with my very good friend from Essex, John-Boy, whom I have known since we started University at 18.  Then there’s his lovely wife, Maddja.  John-Boy and Maddja were childhood sweethearts on those Essex/Hertfordshire borders – a rare thing indeed for a relationship to survive while John-Boy was away at University for 5 years.  Especially hanging around with ne’er-do-wells like Ged.  Maddja’s mother’s family are of Eastern-European origin shrouded in history, mystery and stories that would make a fascinating mini-series for the BBC.  John-Boy and Maddja have two delightful daughters, Bela and Lugosi, now 11 and 8, who loved the Twenty20 at Southgate two years ago so much that they were still talking about it when we went to their house for dinner.  We simply had to set this evening up and so we did.

 

So, Daisy and Ged somehow manage to get to the ground by about 16:45 and have no difficulty securing seats right at the front of the Tavern Stand, where we think the little ones will have a good view.  John-Boy phones to explain that they are all stuck in various parts of East London and town, trying to get some form of public transport to get to the ground.  Ged estimates that they’ll arrive 45 minutes to an hour late.

 

A pathetic start

Middlesex then did their best to ensure that my good friends got to see no cricket at all.  Wickets fell at horribly regular intervals.  5/2.  31/5.  50/7.  If you want details, go see the scorecard.  It was clear that this was not an easy wicket on which to time your shots.  Daisy asked me at the start “what’s a decent Twenty20 score at Lord’s?” and I replied 160.  Soon after the start I suggested that 140 might be a decent enough score on that particular pitch.

 

With the score on 50/7 and Ged genuinely thinking that his friends might not even get to see any cricket, our mood was not great, despite the fact that we had started tucking in to the picnic (well, neither of us had had any lunch) and also some rather jolly pink wine to go with the Middlesex pink theme.

 

At 55/7 John-Boy phoned.  “We’re here.  The girls are in the loo but we’ll be with you in a jiffy.  What’s the score?”  “Middlesex are having a shocker,” I said, “55/7”.  “I don’t think I heard that right”, said John, “that sounded like seven”.  “Seven”.  “Blimey!”

 

Middlesex revive

So, our dear friends from Essex, John-Boy, Maddja, Bela and Lugosi arrive and at the same time Middlesex revive.  They are in very good spirits for people who have spent hours fighting their way across London and we all hunker down to our picnic and watch the show.

 

Murtagh and Keegan in particular show what can be done on this wicket once the batsman is in.  Both found it hard to time the ball at first, but once set the runs come quite easily and their bowlers find it hard.   Both of the Essex overseas bowlers, Bichel and Kaneria, go for plenty of runs.  A late flurry unperturbed by the risk of being all out gets Middlesex to 126.

 

We have a game on our hands.

 

John-Boy and Ged are reminded of the Southgate fixture 3 or 4 years ago, when Essex were rolled for not many.  Middlesex cruised to the total.  Would this one be a cruise or was 126 competitive?  Ged suspected “low end of competitive” and mused “Middlesex have bowled better than they have batted so far this season”.

 

Essex start slowly

Middlesex bowled well and Essex were no more able to use the first 6 overs than Middlesex.  They even took almost as many balls to reach 50 as Middlesex (over 60 balls in each case), but they kept wickets in hand and that proved to be vital.

 

Whilst Flower was blooming I kept saying to JohnBoy “if we get Flower now I think you’re in trouble”.  Then, once he had gone, the Ged mantra changed to “if we get Bopara now I think you’re in trouble” but that vital wicket never came.

 

Meanwhile Bela and Lugosi were on their best behaviour despite not being allowed to run all over the park during the interval and having been told in no uncertain terms that running around that particular park after the game was also prohibited at Lord’s.  However, Ged had a cunning plan for after the match, based on his trusty “run around the park tennis ball” and the Coronation Gardens.

 

Shrink that target

Maddja, who is an eminent psycho-therapist, was meanwhile busy telling Daisy about her latest therapeutic technique, a conversation so bizarre it is simply beyond parody.

 

And talking of shrinking, the target was getting lower and the score converging on that oh so helpful Duckworth-Lewis par score which gives you a very good idea who is on top and who isn’t, even when the skies are blue.

 

Rymps is not bowling well, and Ged muses that we have to find a couple of overs from somewhere (if not Rymps, who) and those overs will be targeted.

 

Murali Kartik meanwhile has bowled absolutely beautifully – Scotty is right back in the swing of things with “quick as a flash” stumpings.  Also off Kartik’s bowling Chad Keegan takes one of the best outfield catches you will ever see – he’s back in leaping salmon mode is Chad and let’s all hope he stays there.  And then, when Kartik comes back fro his final over, he also cleans up Ryan ten Doeschate and Ged realises that we might be back in the hunt if we can somehow hide those goat overs and/or somehow get rid of Ravi Bopara.

 

But it wasn’t to be.  With 11 needed off the last over, we had to prevent the boundaries and the one really poor ball Murtagh bowled at the death went for a heartbreaking six.  It was all over bar the shouting then.  JohnBoy and Ged had been trading clichés all evening.  (JohnBoy is a Leyton Orient man normally).  Ged described Chad’s catch as “worth the entry money alone” (as indeed was Murali Kartik’s spell).  With the six, it was “all over bar the shouting” and once it was really all over Ged was “gutted”.

 

Coronation Time

We get to the Coronation Garden to find a huge queue of kids.  Do you have to queue to throw a ball around the garden I mused, but soon realised that the queue was for autographs and a whole row of tables and chairs have been set up for the players to sign stuff for the kids.  I’d never seen this ritual before and was actually very impressed that the players spend so much time after the game doing that.  The queue looked almost endless.

 

JohnBoy, Lugosi and I start off with some catching practice while the others go off to the loo.  Then we all play a “piggy-in-the-middle”/”tag team” game which was great fun.  We rarely collide with the backs of the players who are too busy signing to care or even notice.

 

This is cricket for all the family as it is meant to be.  Of course I’m disappointed that we didn’t qualify – especially as we came so close in this match – and especially as the other results did go our way sufficiently that we would have qualified had we won.  But you can’t quibble with played 5 lost 3 didn’t qualify.  And you can’t quibble with the fact that we almost snatched victory from the jaws of defeat tonight and that some of our players were just excellent.  And you can’t quibble with that row of players from both sides, making the kids happy – they were still signing away once we had exhausted ourselves with our silly game and were trudging home into the night.

 

Lizzie and the Oiks – Middlesex Break Surrey Jinx, An MTWD Lost Masterpiece By Lizzie J, 3 July 2007

I have dug out this ancient MTWD piece on the back of an e-conversation with Jez regarding Middlesex’s record against Surrey at T20.

Jez thought Middlesex didn’t break the jinx until the glory year of 2008…

Another Works Outing To Lord’s Within A Few Days, Middlesex v Surrey, 16 June 2008

…but actually the jinx was broken a year earlier.

Here is a link to the scorecard.

I can find no e-mail trail to ascertain whether we attended that night or indeed why we didn’t – perhaps my diary will yield a reason…or perhaps we intended to go and the rain simply put us off.

Postscript

Jez writes:

Ah, yes, I do remember that one now – in fact, very well. It is one of the two occasions I have got Sarah to Lords (she left when it started raining because she was bored). Not sure if that was a works outing either – I suspect it may have been, as was tradition around those years anyway.

That in itself was almost as good as the day in 2008 – Surrey really struggled after a good start, Ramprakash particularly, who really couldn’t get it out the park that day. After an early wicket, our chase never looked in doubt (apart from to the Middlesex faithful that had never seen us beat Surrey until then).

Ah, yes, I vaguely remember too. It is in my diary to attend and I think I did go. I don’t think many (if any) other people from the Z/Yen office joined us – I think there was a relatively large group of Jez’s old mates from Uni plus Jez’s brother Ben plus Sarah.

I certainly remember going on one occasion when Sarah was there looking mighty bored and then she left early, politely saying that she “had a bit of a migraine”.

I also remember one occasion when brother Ben seemed incredulous that Middlesex could possibly have won that micro London derby.

Lizzie J’s Charming MTWD “Lost Masterpiece” Report

The MTWD report from that night is from the “lost masterpieces period”, i.e. the period for which Sportnetwork lost all of its features.

But Ged Ladd’s archive has been safely in the cloud throughout, so I managed to dig out the unedited version of Lizzie J’s charming report, which was published under the above headline.

She was/is such a good writer, I probably hardly edited the piece at all:

Middlesex v Surrey

Twenty20 Cup

Lord’s

Pre-match

To my relief, I was relieved of my duties as being a “responsible adult” as two other members of the PE staff decided to come on this school trip, so I could go back to my original plan of having nothing to do with the small children. Especially as I’d been portrayed as some kind of “Miss Middlesex” some of them seemed to think I was going to get them free stuff. Er. No!

Anyway. About thirty paces away from Lord’s it absolutely bucketed it, complete with thunder and lightning. As I was in shorts [it was sunny when I left Slough!], wasn’t too impressed. And while I was getting searched, they elected to take out my Spanish notes and read them, so they got soaked. Good. Quick change into trousers, I resembled a drowned rat. Headed off into Lower Compton, we’d won the toss and elected to field, 19 overs aside.

Surrey Innings

Chadders and Dial M opened up the bowling, while Benning seemed to have fun spanking fours all over the place before being bowled by the excellent Henderson. Brown went first, caught Joycey bowled Murts, and was delighted to see Ramps go for six to the bowling of Henderson! Umbrellas went up at 49-1, but the shower passed fairly quickly. JD got the last two wickets, having Butcher stumped for 5 and Batty caught by Murts for 6, before at 13 and a bit overs it decided to rain. Again. This time heavily.

Rain Break

Couldn’t be bothered to move, I was too cold, so I spent the interval huddled in my England fleece which I’d bought earlier, and then realised still had a electric tag in it. Was quite uncomfortable. Had no idea how I made it out of the shop. Still. We’d already opted for the extra half hour, and play reconvened at five past eight, with us needing 73 off 10 overs. Excellent, I reckoned. We’d do it.

Middlesex Innings

Out came Smiffy and Morgs to Lily The Pink, which I was happily humming, I’d barely made it past the chorus when the Skipper skied it to Benning for a duck. Oh. Hmm. Wasn’t happy. But Joycey and Morgs put on a brilliant stand, especially when Joycey hit three successive boundaries. Joycey unfortunately fell to Schofield, but JD and Morgs saw us home, JD with an impressive 26 not out off 15 balls. Had some champagne to celebrate, finally the Surrey jinx was over!

To sum up:

Wet. Cold. But extremely happy!

MTWD scraped/republished the above piece in the winter of 2018/2019 – click here.