It Took Four Balls, “MTWD Lost Masterpiece”, Middlesex v Glamorgan Day 3, Lord’s, 2 August 2007

Having written up my recollection of this morning/lunch at Lord’s with Peter Cox, I realise that one of the Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) “lost masterpieces” (click this link to read the background to those pieces) relates to that very same visit to Lord’s. Intriguing (at least for me) to read the differences and similarities. Very long match report for a short session of cricket – perhaps that was meant to be the joke. Another one for connoisseurs, this.

It Took Four Balls

Ged Ladd reports on the abridged Third Day of the Middlesex v Glamorgan match at Lord’s.  Ged meets up with Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith to watch the denouement of this shortened match. And here, indeed is a “brief” match report, albeit almost as long as today’s session of play.

In early enough

Ged had arranged to meet up with his friend Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith for an afternoon of business and cricket chat, so it needed a few phone calls and a very early start to enable Ged to switch to a morning/lunch meet instead.  But Ged has seen so little first class cricket this season, and Peter is about to go off on his travels, so appropriate action simply had to be taken.

Peter said he’d get to Lord’s early for a pre-match bacon sarny, but when Ged arrived at about 10:50 Peter was nowhere to be seen.  Ged did a tour of the Pavilion, exchanged pleasantries with several of the regulars and then, confident that Peter was not yet there, plonked himself in the Long Room – the place he knew to be Peter’s favoured view.

Vaastly Experienced

Ged was concerned that Peter might miss the whole thing if he had been delayed for too long, with Chaminda Vaas bowling well from the Nursery End straight away.  Silverwood looked even more threatening from the Pavilion End, but of course Croft and Wharf are no rabbits and looked determined to bat for a good while.

In any case, Peter arrived soon enough and the pitch seemed to be doing absolutely nothing.  As Ged expected, Peter was keen to watch from the Long Room high chairs – something Ged has only ever done for the odd few minutes before, so it was an interesting experience to watch a whole (albeit shortened) session of play from there.

Word from those who had been around the day before was that Glamorgan’s batting performance on Wednesday had been inexplicably awful – indeed some said that Middlesex’s 361 was woefully below par and that the Glamorgan response to being given a chance had been pathetic.

Brains

Silverwood had looked the more threatening of the opening bowlers and it was always going to be a simple matter of time.  Peter and I agreed that Murali “Special K” Kartik should be given the ball pretty quickly from the Nursery End and so he was.  But Silverwood struck first with an LBW shout against Croft that looked pretty handy and it was no surprise to see Vanburn Holder’s finger go up.

Croft marched through the Long Room looking pretty dejected and then out strode Dean Cosker.  Peter and I debated the relative merits of 9-10-Jack, Peter favouring Cosker and Ged favouring both of the others ahead of him.

Meanwhile Alex Wharf was not giving up without a bit of a fight, using his feet to good effect and clattering a couple of decent boundaries, including a well-struck six.

All too soon after his arrival, Dean Cosker decided that he knew how to handle “The Special One” and danced down the wicket to a flat, quicker one.  It was certainly missing leg and it was certainly missing off.  It was also certainly a quicker ball because it took middle peg right out of it slot.  Always good fun to witness that.

As Dean Cosker marched off, I noticed the promotional message on his chest, Brains Beer, and observed to Peter that Cosker’s shot was hardly a good advert for that product.  A more brainless shot while attempting to save a match I couldn’t imagine.

Salivating Thoughts of a Win

So, out comes Waters and Alex Wharf continues to bat well.  Another big six entertains the tiny crowd.  Wharf seemed particularly assured against Special K, but set against both.  Soon enough, Richardson replaces Silverwood at the Pavilion End and eventually Murtagh replaces Special K at the Nursery End.  I suppose, to be fair, Ed Smith was holding out on Kartik’s behalf in the hope he could get a tenfer.  Indeed, he probably deserved a tenfer given that he had taken 9 good ones on a track that was offering him the square root of naff-all.

Tim Murtagh was putting the ball in the right place straight away.  Peter and I discussed that dreadful clichéd expression “putting the ball in the right areas”.  We even discussed whether the plural was a reference to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle.  I think a journalist should ask a player that question next time he uses the offending expression.  It would be good to hear the answer.

By now it was a little after 12:30.  Peter announced that he was mighty hungry and had a crazy craving for the bacon sarny he missed earlier by arriving later than intended.  He even got up and wandered into the Long Room Bar to see what was available and toyed with the idea of skiving off to eat before the end of the match and/or lunch.

Mercifully, such sentiments can induce a wicket or two.  So, it wasn’t long before Murtagh put his hand up, stepped up to the plate, came to the party and put the ball in enough of the right areas to induce a false shot from Waters.  Attempting to clip the ball off his legs, Waters mistimed it high into the air, indeed almost over Nick Compton’s head at square leg and it took a good leaping catch (perhaps milked a tad) to bring about the wicket.

And very soon after that, one from Richardson kept low to Alex Wharf.  When Ged says “that’s got to be out” for an LBW shout the finger rarely fails to go up.  Vanburn Holder duly raised his finger, the Middlesex boys did a little jig of delight to celebrate an emphatic win and the Ged/Peter combo dipped out of the Long Room sharpish to ensure that they were first in the queue for grubsy and beer.

Only Two Ducks Today

So there were only two ducks today – the two that appeared on Peter and Ged’s plates.  Washed down with a decent beer each, the conversation turned to matters of playing cricket as well as watching cricket.  Oh, and the occasional business matter, which had allegedly been the object of the exercise in the first place.

Had Glamorgan shown as much spirit for the first 16 wickets that they showed for the last four, they might have made a bit more of a fight of this match.  But they didn’t.  And Middlesex have a fine bowling attack this season, so we can exploit weakness when weakness is shown.

Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith is still optimistic that Middlesex can go up; he thinks that we can beat Notts at Lord’s and that our games in hand, coming in (hopefully) better weather conditions, stand us in better stead than the league table looks at the moment.  Ged remains quietly hopeful but not quite so optimistic.  But for today, let’s enjoy the moment of a big win and hope for more such wins to come.

 

Lunch With Peter Cox/Middlesex v Glamorgan Day 3 at Lord’s, 2 August 2007

This was a slightly strange day. Peter Cox and I had agreed to meet for an informal catch-up at Lord’s this afternoon, during this Middlesex v Glamorgan match. The match was unfolding quickly, with Glamorgan following on and ending the second day six down, second time around. With the prospect of very little play, Peter and I re-jigged our plans to meet up at Lord’s in the morning and have a spot of lunch together for our catch up.

Meanwhile, I had visited mum and dad the evening before and realised that dad must be dying – he just looked so frail and spaced out. I said as much to Janie as I was driving home, indeed wondering how dad even had the strength to get upstairs to bed. (Answer – the following night; the early hours of Friday morning, he didn’t have the strength).

My diary says I had a training session at the gym with Becca at 6:30 that Thursday morning, so I guess I had time to go home and clear my morning e-mails before ambling over to Lord’s for 11:00.

The cricket didn’t take long to unfold – Wharf and Croft showed some resistance for a few minutes but then Croft fell and soon after the inevitable happened. I’m not sure that Peter and I even left the cosseted splendour of the Long Room that August morning. It was nice to witness a match win and the end of match formalities from the Long Room.

Peter and I then went to the Long Room Bar (a place where I rarely dine) for lunch and to continue our conversation, which naturally drifted into ageing parents territory as well as the cricket and bit of business we’d planned to discuss.

Ged Tries To Keep His Head While Kev Fly Slips, MTWD “Lost Masterpiece” Three Part Match Report on Z/Yen v The Children’s Society, Holland Park, 26 June 2007

14 years later, Barmy Kev & Mrs Barmy returned to the scene of the crime and relived Kev’s Holland Park/fly slip moment thusly.

Normal people who simply want to know a little about a great fun works match between Z/Yen and The Children’s Society should look at my main Ogblog entry for this day – click here. 

The piece that follows is a ludicrously long match report, authored by me and Barmy Kev jointly. It was published as a three-parter on Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) over the winter of 2007/2008 when we were desperate for feature material.

Barmy Kev and others
Barmy Kev and others

 

It is one of the MTWD “lost masterpieces”; as explained more fully in the posting linked here – Sportnetwork managed to lose all the features that were published on all of its web sites during a period around that time. However, I still have all the features that I wrote and edited. The version below is pre final edits and pre division into three parts.

I realise now that I started using pseudonyms, such as Charley “The Gent” Malloy back then, as early as 2007, prior to my King Cricket piece days. I should note, though, that new dad “Alex DeLarge” in this piece is not the same person as “Big Al DeLarge” from King Cricket pieces such as the one linked here. 

It runs to over 4000 words. It is for connoisseurs, not normal people. You have been warned. Here goes:

Ged Tries to Keep Head as Kev Fly Slips

After 2 incomplete 20/20 games Monday and Wednesday, an MTWD editorial representation complete match took part on Tuesday. This match was full of drama and twists and turns and seeing our captain Ged becoming very animated.

 

Big Match Build Up – Qualification Rules – Ged’s View

The annual cricket match; Ged Ladd & Co v Charley “the Gent” Malloy’s Charity XI has become somewhat of a grudge match of late.  Ged Ladd & Co employs 10 to 20 people at any one time, whereas Charley the Gent works for a large charity which employs over a thousand of people.

Team selection has become a matter of great debate in recent years, with Ged trying hard to stick to staff, associates, WAGs/HABs/relatives of staff, close friends and the like.  Meanwhile Charlie “the Gent” had found a rich seam of massive Saffers (tangentially connected at best to charity staff), one of whom nearly killed someone last year by bowling proper medium pace to a man in his fifties with a serious heart condition.

Indeed, the Big Saffer qualification situation became severely muddied this year, as one of the Big Saffers, EK, fell in love with a member of Ged’s staff at the match 3 years ago and married her (now FK) a few weeks before this year’s fixture. Did this mean that some or all of the Saffers should now play for Ged?  No – we agreed this year that we should be far more strict about the qualification rule.  This made sense, but this year left Ged with a bit of a talent-pool shortage, despite having one Big Saffer unquestionably now qualified for Ged’s team by marriage, as several people from last year’s Ged team had hung up their boots to avoid the risk of further injury or worse.

 

The Pre-Match Encounters – Banter and Sledging – Ged’s View

Banter and sledging starts early for this fixture.  March time normally, when the pitch is booked.  Charley the Gent was dischuffed this year, as Regent’s Park was already fully booked so Ged’s people booked the synthetic pitch on Holland Park – coincidentally the scene of the initiating star-crossed lovers incident (EK & FK) three year’s ago and equally coincidentally the scene of the most recent victory by Ged Ladd & Co, in unseasonable weather conditions in 2004 (the evening before the abandoned Middlesex v West Indians fixture).

Charley “the Gent” was convinced that Ged had deliberately chosen “fortress Holland Park” to up his chances of a win. Ged would never do such a thing (have you noticed that great captains like Michael Vaughan and Ged refer to themselves in writing using the third person, by the way) but Ged certainly would get in early with the sledging.  Ged and Charley had a couple of pre match nets and Ged warned Charley that he’d worked him out but refused to say where he’d set the field for said “working out”.  Ged’s wicket-keeper, “The Tazmanian Devil” sent a long distance sledge, telling Charlie that Ged might as well tell him the field he’d set for him as Charlie lacks the talent to do anything about it, even if he knew what was on Ged’s mind a year in advance.

Meanwhile Ged had an horrific second net.  Everywhere the ball can go to hit unprotected flesh and cause maximum pain, Ged managed to get hit.  Below the pad on the front leg, above the pad on the back leg, both sides of the box and Ged even managed an upper cut into his own eye.   Bruised in both body and ego, Charlie’s obvious pleasure at Ged’s discomforture was uncharitable to say the least.  Charlie had a super net that day, bowling straight and putting Ged off his bowling line (it doesn’t take much) with some clean hitting.

You’d have thought that these were two bitter foes, but the reality is, once the grudge match is over, that Ged and the Tazmanian Devil join Charlie the Gent’s charity team for the rest of the season (one or two matches).  From nemeses to stalwarts is but a few short strides.

 

Team Selection – Do We Have Eleven People Who Can Walk Today? – MTWD to the Rescue? – Ged’s View

As the day of the match approached, team selection was not going well for Ged.  Indeed, Ged himself was struck down with a gastric bug a few days before the match and still felt very weak on the day before the fixture.  Ged was thinking about standing aside himself, when he got the call from his practice manager that day, concerned that two of the team’s “dead certs” looked distinctly “uncert” due to illness.  Ged decided that he’d have to play come what may.  He didn’t want to have to ask Jez Horne to play –  Jez is one of the founders of MTWD, a key member of Ged Ladd’s staff and one of the several who had suffered in 2006 and requested not to play.

But Barmy Kev had noticed Ged’s mention of the fixture on MTWD and e-mailed Ged to ask if he and Olivia could watch.  Ged thought he spotted an opportunity.  “By all means come and watch – copious beer and cake – you might even get a game”, read the e-mail.  “I’d like to play – I can sport my Middlesex pink”, came the reply from Barmy Kev.  “Got one”, thought Ged.

 

Big Match Build Up – Barmy Kev’s View

I had a last minute invitation to Ged Ladd’s company cricket event with possibility of playing. They weren’t desperate, honestly. Nor was I.  And Ged’s mention of copious alcohol being available was purely incidental in me agreeing to turn up.  I told Olivia that duty calls and so forth.  I also told her that she’d finally get to meet Ged and Daisy.  In fact, Ged has been saying for some time now that he and Daisy believe Olivia to be my imaginary friend, as I keep saying that she’ll be at matches and then she doesn’t come.

As, I arrive I am still uncertain whether I’ll be playing. The Ged Ladd & Co 11th man/woman has childcare issues and someone else had transportation delays. This is a logistical nightmare for captain Ged.  And a nerve-wracking nightmare for several people who have turned up on the strict understanding that they do not want to play, only to drink and watch.  Does Michael Vaughan have such problems when deliberating on final line-up before a test I wondered? Or Ed Smith when preparing Middlesex for a County Championship match?  (Well, possibly…)

I was picked and given an impression my role would be a JD World cup “can’t bat /can’t bowl but hey its always an honour to be there” role.

 

Let the Game Begin – Ged’s View

A few of the Ged Laddites warm up and Ged realises that Barmy Kev probably can’t bat, can’t bowl and can hardly field (ideally qualified for the Ged Ladd & Co team), but he does have a bit of a throwing arm, so he could be more useful than most in a key fielding position.  One of Ged’s favourite positions for amateur cricket is fly slip.  Catches go there off slow-medium bowling and the position can often save one or four.  It’s no-mans-land in real cricket but can become key in scratch cricket.

Ged also figures that his team’s bowling is probably not going to be strong enough to defend a total this year (crumbs, even Ged is going to have to bowl, the team is sooo short of bowling), so Ged will elect to bowl if he gets the chance.  The artificial surface neutralises most if not all “bat first” advantage.

The best laid plans – Ged wins the toss and surprises Charlie the Gent and his team by electing to field.  With quite a lot of cloud and a delayed start due to late arrivals, Charlie’s team are in no hurry now.  Ged’s elected to do his batting later – in the dwindling light.

 

Let the Games Begin – Barmy Kev’s View

As I took the field I felt my credentials were extended to can’t field as Ged told me to field at Fly Slip. A rare position normally, in my view, reserved for the fielder you need to hide. I within the wide scope of position occasionally moved around to deep gully and would then sneak closer at times to barmy backward point to add some pressure and be in better earshot for my sledging.

Our team got off to perfect start – 2 early wickets. More surprising the 2nd was a decent batsman top edging one of Ged’s dolly drops.  The very next ball the no. 4 batter, who was a woman, was deceived, I think by Ged’s flight, and stumped way out of crease. The umpire gave it not out, claimed unsighted. This woman later proved to be no mug with bat. It transpired she was a regular league  player from South Africa and contributed to the bulk of the opposition total.  “Co-incidentally”, another female in the opposing team was bowled 1st ball, and the same umpire belatedly called no ball.  Ged was not happy and was hoping, if required, for a similar concession for our team for our 1 female and me in Middlesex Pink.

 

The Opening Salvos – Ged Reports

Knowing the opposition of old, Ged knew that Ged needed to hold back quite a bit of the better bowling for their big hitters down the order.  So Ged decided to open the attack with EK’s military medium at one end and Ged himself with donkey drops at the other end.  This was expected to give Ged a pop at Charlie the Gent himself, but that plan went awry (or well, depending on how you look on it) when EK sent Charlie’s stumps flying during the first over.  Charlie was not having one of his better days so far.

Ged then bowled at a rather fearsome-looking tall lad named Matt, who lacked the Aussie accent that normally accompanies such a name but Matt looked like he could hold a bat and had chosen one with a long handle.  It’s hard for most bowlers to get one to float in above the eye-line of such a lanky batsman, but a donkey-drop specialist has no fear of air and the result was as planned – back lift exaggerated, shape to shot diminished, tiny bit of top spin effective and the ball goes vertical.  At that moment time stood still.  The Tazmanian Devil keeper had not seen the ball and was stationery.  It was like one of those horrible car-crash scenes in a movie in ultra slow motion and silence.  Ged intervened.  “Catch it, catch it”, cried Ged pointing in the direction of the descending missile.  Meanwhile (no doubt) air defences were being put on red alert and UFO spotters all over Kensington were pointing their telescopes in the direction of Holland Park.  The Tazmanian Devil set off on his run forwards and dived headlong to take a brilliant catch.  Ged had taken his first wicket in over 30 years (let’s be fair folks, Ged doesn’t usually bowl) and the oppo are two down.

Next ball, Ged decides to try a similar delivery again.  Ged knows that the larger-than-life South African woman before him, Charlene, is no mug.  She’s played cricket at a very impressive level in South Africa and is Charlie the Gent’s proposed secret weapon for the late July “UnPro40” fundraising fixture.  Up goes the ball (delivery), down the track comes Charlene, unaware of the almost infinite variations that might occur whenever Ged is daft enough to try to bowl, she is beaten hook line and sinker by the “flight” and is stumped by a good many yards.  The batsmen had almost crossed in fact.  Charlie the Gent’s umpire says not out and Ged is denied a chance at a hat trick.  Possibly just as well – Ged did once take a hat trick with donkey drops in a school game, more than 30 years ago.  Ged’s still talking about it (it’s a dull story folks, unless you happen to be Ged) and the schoolmaster who was umpiring the game has never really recovered from the fit of uncontrollable laughter the landmark event induced in him.

 

And Now, Back to the Match – Charity XI Innings – Barmy Kev Reports

Anyway, after a promising start the opposition run rate was increasing and Ged was getting flustered. I didn’t help Ged’s blood pressure by tactically moving myself from fly slip to close in to a new batsman. I was told to go back to fly slip in no uncertain terms.

Next over seeing a massive offside gap, I moved myself to point and was not spotted by Ged. Typically, a thickish edge looped over slip ahead of third man and guess who it would have been a chance for if he had simply done as he was told and guess who wasn’t happy with me??

My next contribution came soon afterwards,  Not wishing to wind up our stressed captain any further, I fielded at fly slip about half way back to boundary. A flying top edge came our way, bisecting me and 1st slip.  1st slip was running back and I was running towards the ball at easy catchable height. I was determined to catch this and shouted, “leave”, but either first slip was deaf or equally determined; I spectacularly pulled-out at the last minute, diving out of the way as 1st slip caught the ball comfortably. I’m not sure whether relief was the vital wicket or serious injury being avoided.

I was asked by our Tazmanian Devil of a keeper to move to point, rising the wrath of Ged, but there I stopped a hard hitting shot saving four runs and was pleased I made a tangible contribution in my more favoured position.

After 20 overs the Charlie “The Gent” Malloy’s Charity XI achieved 110 runs – in the  context of previous games a good total.  I was hopeful the 4 runs I saved would be significant.

 

And Now, Back to the Match – Charity XI Innings – Ged Reports

Of course, the Charity XI umpire being so generous to unfortunate young ladies was a subtle Charity XI ploy to secure a reasonable score.  Bolstered by the umpire and some good players in their middle order, the innings ebbed and flowed as a good 20:20 innings should.  We actually play 20:20:20 cricket for this fixture – a successful batsman retires at 20 to ensure that everyone gets a go, with a chance to return at the end of the innings once everyone else has had a chance.  Charlene and another Saffer, Big Malc, retired in such circumstances.  Ged’s ploy to hold back a fair chunk of the better bowling prevented the better batsmen from scoring too quickly and wickets fell at enough regular intervals to escape that feeling that the innings is getting away from you.

Of course, things might have been even better if fielders stuck to Ged’s game plan.  The worst offender was Barmy Kev who simply wouldn’t stay put at fly slip despite the fact that enough action was happening down there to convince him, surely, that this was a worthwhile place to field.  On one occasion a catch splintered off towards fly slip, only for Ged to observe a vacancy where the fly slip should have been – Barmy Kev had crept up to gully again surreptitiously.  On another occasion, when Kev was doing what he was told (for once), a skier went high up in the air between slip and fly slip, much closer to our (very competent) slip fielder, Martin.  Kev lunges in the direction of Martin yelling “mine” and then, just as it looks as though there would be no wicket and two casualty admissions to A&E, Kev bails out of the run, giving no audible warning that “mine” had been switched to “yours”; nevertheless Martin took the catch like a proper cricketer.  “Who is that clown?” asked one of the team regulars.  “Martin?”, enquired Ged.

110/9 was their final score – very respectable in our terms but distinctly gettable if the Ged Ladd and Co team perform.  And 110/9 is almost certainly a very accurate recording of the score.  But Charlie”the Gent” Molloy and several of his team mates found it very hard to believe that the scorer, our very own MTWD founder Jez Horne, with a first class degree in maths, could possibly have recorded the score accurately.  True, it was a difficult assignment to keep the score in those circumstances, with several members of the Charlie “the Gent” rabble trying to convince Jez all the time that the umpire had just signalled four/six/wide and that Jez had missed the vital signalling moment while looking down to record the events of the ball.  But Jez was undeterred and undistracted; he applied all that learning from his maths degree, combined with all those years of following cricket, to complete the scorebook with extreme precision.

 

Ged Ladd’s Innings – Barmy Kev’s View

Ged read out the batting line out to achieve target. I was wondering what my role was. It was an occasion like at school when playing football and players are against wall and you are last to be picked. When Ged chose 1-10 without me being mentioned, I am sure Ged picked me as 11, after looking out for other latecomers to turn up as my replacement. However, I respected his authoritative “ Kev you’re in at 11!

Ged himself was opening. This would have been clear to any of those present who did not know Ged – indeed to most of Kensington and the surrounding boroughs, with Daisy continually screeching “come on Ged” at the top of her voice.  Ged certainly played a sheet anchor (or something sounding a bit like that) role. He successfully was holding his end up and continually nurdling runs, not exhausting himself with any risky running between wickets.  With Ged having helped the team put on 45 in the first 7 overs (a great many of which were wides and byes), the South African lady whose stumping had been denied to Ged clean bowled him for a solid 12.  I realised that Ged could in fact run straight and fast, as after his dismissal he sprinted to the red wine bottle.

 

Ged’s Innings – Ged’s View

Ged opened the batting with fellow Middlesex supporting stalwart, Peter Bramley, far and away the best batsman on display that day.  An opera company were rehearsing some enormous Wagner monstrosity in the outdoor concert arena nearby.  The opening batsmen strolled out to bat to the strains of some heroic Wagnerian overture and for some reason the orchestra decided to strike up whenever Ged was on strike.  This noisy stuff seemed a bit distracting at first, but once the innings got under way and Ged got a few runs under his belt and saw Peter and the extras column getting off to a real flier, the heroic music seemed somewhat fitting, nay, almost encouraging.

Of course, you can tell the difference straight away between Tazmanian Devil style sledging and the Old Etonian sledging that Ged received.  When Ged said to the wicket-keeper “I’m finding the music rather uplifting”, the reply came “oh dear, I was rather hoping the Wagner was putting you Orff”.  Taz would probably have said “you’re such a cr*p batsman the DJ’s celebrating your wicket falling already, you stupid b*st*rd, anyway you could get a whole f*cking orchestra between your bat and your front pad when you try to play a shot”.  But mercifully, Taz was on our side and when Peter retired on 20*, Taz joined Ged and merely said, “hey, you’re going really well today mate, keep going”.  But soon Taz was also on his way, going for glory too early in his innings and skying one to the only member of the opposition team (Big Malc) who stood a cat-in-hell’s chance of catching that ball.

Ged was then joined by Alex DeLarge, who needed to bat early in the innings so he could go off and be a new dad as quickly as possible.  Alex is a regular in the team who sometimes comes off (leave it to him) or sometimes doesn’t (better stick around and anchor).  Alex was having an “on” day and got off to a good start with a couple of good 2s and then he struck a really good 4 with ultraviolence.  Ged knew that he might as well get on with it now and that retirement loomed soon if he could get a couple of big hits away himself.  That is usually a recipe for disaster, Ged-wise, normally in the form of lobbing an easy catch to someone.  But Charlene is a better bowler than that, had seen the gap between Ged’s front pad and the bat, and subtly switched tack to off-cutters.  It only took two of those to dislodge Ged.

 

Oh No, Surely We Can’t Lose It From Here – Kev’s View

An all too familiar Middlesex like collapse started to occur. At this stage I was beginning to enjoy the social side of occasion and still thought we were meandering to victory. Then with 7 wickets came a shout from Ged “ Kev get your pads on”. Our no. 8 was a female who didn’t look like could hold a bat and I was frantically trying to get pads on, done in my usual ungainly manner hoping a hat trick was not going to happen. There were enough overs left but wickets were problem. Everyone was crowding the bat around our female who was struggling to get bat to ball. We thought we might have to rely on umpires again developing selective myopia.

 

Don’t be Daft – Ged Never Doubted Us For A Moment – Ged’s View

The middle order left a little to be desired, once Alex DeLarge was removed, although by that time we’d got within 15 to 20 of the target and still had plenty of overs to go.  Also, EK was still there, although he was uncharacteristically going for 1s and 2s, perhaps awaiting the arrival of FK at the crease.  At 7 down, it was time for FK to have a go.  She has played once or twice before and is a generally sporty young woman, but Charlie “the Gent”‘s team spelt blood and strangely, their umpire seemed to have forgotten about the “no-one gets out first ball” rule when one of our other stalwarts got cleaned up for a primary.

So there you have it – about 12 runs still required, 4 or 5 overs to go so runs is not the problem, a couple of rabbits in the hutch plus one returnee.  But most importantly, you have a newly-wed couple at the crease, hoping to get the team over the line.  Charlie’s team are trying to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, giving no quarter,  EK was offering a great deal of assistance, one might say instruction, to his bride, FK.  The odd single here or there.  Then, FK plays the shot of the day. After the match, she claimed that she didn’t see the ball properly at first and just went after it once she got sight of it.  Ged describes it as a perfectly executed late cut for four – one of the hardest and most elegant shots in the game.  The Ged Ladd & Co supporters are in ecstasies and the target is down to very few indeed.  Soon, the scores are tied and EK is on strike.  He goes for glory – trying to wrap up the match with a big six into the crowd – and guess what? – he pulls it off and the game is won.  The honeymoon couple at the crease together winning the match for their team.  You couldn’t have made up the ending without seeming like the cheesiest writer since Barbara Cartland died.

 

Barmy Kev Summarises

Ged seemed mightily pleased with win and I felt his tension on what was a surprisingly competitive match. However, in true spirit of occasion, all parties were friends afterwards and enjoyed some more beers/wine.

It was a really fun afternoon despite my lack of contribution and receiving a few ticking offs. Mrs Barmy was there with a few other WAGS and we were made to feel very welcome. If invited next year I would certainly return and will be working on various aspects of my game, like listening to captain’s orders.

 

Z/Yen v The Children’s Society Cricket Match, Holland Park, 26 June 2007

This was one of the more memorable cricket matches between Z/Yen and The Children’s Society, not least because it was one of the very few that Z/Yen won.

Also memorable because we have a lot of artefacts from the match:

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If Ian Harris can claim that even one good thing has ever come out of Z/Yen’s annual cricket match, (an event which boasted it’s 10th anniversary this year), it must be the resulting courtship and recent marriage of our Fran Birch with Eugene Kinghorn. Three years ago, Eugene played for The Children’s Society while Fran played for Z/Yen. One thing led to another after the (cricket) match and those two were matched (married) a few weeks ago.

This year we returned to the scene of the crime, Holland Park, with Eugene of course now playing in Z/Yen colours (qualified by marriage, cricket was always thus).

Suffice it to say that Z/Yen won the fixture this year, with several Z/Yen people exceeding all expectations (even Ian, I kid you not). But you couldn’t have written the script for the ending – Eugene and Fran batting together, knocking off the winning runs.

Scene of the crime seems like a suitable phrase for this match; Charles Bartlett being eyed with suspicion by the local constabulary:
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I recall taking wickets (ripping my fingers to shreds trying to spin the new ball)…
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…and scoring some runs opening the batting with Peter Cox…

Bartlett to Cox…sounds like apples and pears to me!

…which sent the crowd into an absolute frenzy…
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…OK – in truth I think the frenzy was more likely to have been when Eugene and Fran were knocking off the winning runs and earning “match of the match” awards.
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And here is the scorecard in full for true connoisseurs: