Category: School Life

Egg, Sports, Drama, TV & A Heap Of Truly Geeky 11-Year-Old Alleyn’s Boy Diary Stuff, Two Weeks – Late January To Early February 1974

A strange mixture of interesting, baffling and mundane diary entries in this chunk of my second term at Alleyn’s.

27 January To 2 February 1974

Sunday 27 January 1974 – Still no Mr Freed [Hebrew classes]. Grandma Anne’s. Made dad a blue moon egg.

Monday 28 January 1974 – Cricket with Banson v good batting and bowling.

Tuesday 29 January 1974 – Art good. Classes good.

Wednesday 30 January 1974 – Fives with Cookie – from 11-3 down to 16-14 up. He one [sic] other game.

Thursday 31 January 1974 – BAD DAY IN ALL

Friday 1 February 1974 – Maths test. Form drama, The Cave. PE basketball match.

Saturday 2 February 1974 – scool [sic] morning. Afternoon played filter paper.

“Blue moon egg” – my dad liked fluffy omelettes and I learnt how to make them when I was still quite small. They were (are) difficult to get absolutely right in terms of fluffiness – a bit like making a soufflé in a pan – but if I got it right, dad would announce that the egg was a blue moon egg.

I’ll talk about cricket in January at Alleyn’s separately in more detail elsewhere. At this seminal stage of our cricketing careers, I suspect that Barry Banson held back on head-cuffing as his modus operandus for “encouragement”.

In the matter of fives (Rugby fives), to be fair on Alan Cooke (aka “Cookie”), it is clear from other diary entries that I was usually the victim of his more able performances. During that early effort in January 1974, I must have found a little something extra to turn a match around thusly. Interesting that we were already playing to 15 rather than to 11. I’m pretty sure that our “proper” junior matches were played to 11.

When a bad day is all in block capitals, it must have been pretty bad. I might well have thought it needed no further exposition, as I would remember the details of its badness for the rest of my life. However, I can now report categorically that I have no idea what made that particular day bad. I can only say with some certainty that, at the time, that Thursday had not been a good one.

By Friday all was well again, with Drama Friday to enjoy and a basketball match in PE. I’m struggling to work out what “The Cave” might have been. I have already asked “Sir” (Ian Sandbrook) who is equally baffled.

There is a play called The Cave by Mervyn Peake which was written in the 1950s but not formally published until after 1974. It is possible that Alleyn’s had some “for school” copies of that piece, as some of the resources we used were not formally published books. Ian Sandbrook says:

The Mervyn Peake hypothesis has some merit as I think the English Dept did consider the Titus Groan trilogy as a candidate for the Mode 3 English Syllabus – although that is perhaps rather a fragile link.

If anyone out there remembers, then do chime in.

The late John Clarke (chemistry teacher) would no doubt have been proud of me playing with filter paper on Saturday after school. Just the sort of thing he would have wanted (perhaps even expected) boys from his chemistry class to do.

3 To 9 February 1974

This week has some even more obscure or difficult references in it. Some of it is handwriting related but some items are simply, to my mind now, truly weird things to write in one’s diary.

Sunday 3 February 1974 – Classes, Freed in March. Bechat Hamazon [grace after meals] v good.

Monday 4 February 1974 – cricket great bat good eye a hit bowl straight and good catch 4 v good, 1 good, 1 bad.

Tuesday 5 February 1974 – Art painting on wall. Classes good. Alf Garnet [sic] good.

Wednesday 6 February 1974 – Fives v Cookie. Man About The House v good.

Thursday 7 February 1974 – Very bad day. Horrible H’s in bad mood. I got the bad.

Friday 8 February 1974 – Monitor for entrance exam. Learnt some magils and /`read] a chapter second WW. Timeslip v good.

Saturday 9 February 1974 – scool [sic] in morning. Changed shoes Tuf /` + reinforcers 400] Dr Who v good.

“Freed in March must mean that I was told that I would transfer from Miss Aarons’s class to Mr Freed’s in March. Not that I was due to be released in March, nearly 18 months before my bar mitzvah. That wasn’t going to happen. Why I was so keen to mention the grace after meals I have no idea. I vaguely recall the Brixton Synagogue Hebrew Class including a sweet, calorific elevenses with Danish pastries, challah bread, jam and the like. This was partly to motivate attendance and partly to teach the meal graces in a happy context. I’ll write more on this topic in a specific piece or two and direct it towards the several friends from that era with whom I am still in touch, 50 years later. I think Andy Levinson was the only other Alleyn’s boy from our year who also attended those classes.

I’m not entirely sure what all of the Monday cricket entry means, but the England selectors might want a look at that young man, based on my description.

The Tuesday diary entry suggests that the art teacher, Mr Brew, liked one of my pieces. This wouldn’t be the last time that Mr Brew took to my crude drawings, despite my near hopelessness. My Dad, being a genuinely good artist with a steady hand and fine eye, tutored me a little at home, rendering me a bit less than useless and very keen.

Alf Garnett was the main character in Till Death Us Do Part – a comedy that wouldn’t pass muster in the modern era because, although it was ridiculing racist and misogynistic opinions, the Alf Garnett character spouted them with abandon. Here is the episode I watched that night with my parents:

Wednesday – the fact that I say “fives v Cookie” without mentioning the score tells you that Cookie must have won – probably won well.

Man About The House was a much gentler comedy than Till Death Us Do Part. Below is the episode we watched that night.

Interesting to read that 1st year pupils did monitoring for entrance exams. I have no idea what “learning magils” means. It might have been some homework for my bar mitzvah class. Also unsure what the second world war reading was about, as for sure we were studying ancient history that year. Perhaps just reading for general interest.

I had to Google “Timeslip”, but when I did so remembered that children’s programme. Unlike the above two shows, which first broadcast the above episodes on the day of the diary mentions, Timeslip was first broadcast three or so years’ earlier. Below is a short trailer which might trigger some of your memories:

I had to Google Tuf to realise that my note about changing shoes included a brand name. Back then, the brand was meant to be indestructible footwear for kids…

Image borrowed from this site where you can buy…

When the going gets Tuf, eh?

“Reinforcers 400” can only be a reference to buying a packet of 400 hole reinforcers. This might be the geekiest diary entry ever and surely confirms my membership of the Dull Men’s Club. We’re only a few weeks’ in to my diary and no doubt there are some well geeky entries to come.

Dr Who very good – who knew? The Doctor was Jon Pertwee at that time and Invasion of the Dinosaurs was the mini series at that time. Here is a short explaining how that season of Doctor Who worked:

Some of this TV stuff might be in colour for you (and for me now) but in 1974 the Harris household was still strictly black and white.

I’d forgotten all about hole reinforcers…I wonder whether I can find some in my draw and repair some damaged holes in my file pages?…

Image borrowed from this Amazon trader – click here.

What On Earth Was Downing Doing? Alleyn’s Aghast At 1S Drama Friday Outrage, 25 January 1974

Sometimes the handwriting in my juvenile diaries is hard to decipher.

Other times, the scrawl is legible but the text is hard to interpret. The entry for 25 January 1974 is such an instance, rereading it 50 years later.

P.E. good + drama good. trial me a witness Downing made a mess of it.

Let us not fret about my pre-teen punctuation and sentence structure…or lack thereof.

My main concern here is with the reference to Downing.

There was no-one named Downing in 1S.

I asked a few 1S pals to hive mind this problem. Who was Downing and what on earth might Downing have done to “make a mess of it”?

Dave French suggested:

I remember that Drama class well, it was in the afternoon. Mistakenly, the dinner ladies served up magic mushrooms with lunch that day. That probably explains it – Downing was just ‘in your head’. It was quite embarrassing really; I still have nightmares.

Rohan Candappa offered an alternative theory:

Actually I remember the boy ‘Downing’. Downing was his nickname. It was a Cockney rhyming slang thing: Downing Street – Warwick Frearson.

To be honest, I think none of us really knew how rhyming slang worked.

Hmmm. The half-century-old 1S hive appears to be a bit of a struggling colony these days, especially in the matter of remembering the finer details of class activities. I can’t imagine any of the above evidence holding up in a jury trial.

“Erase from your minds inadmissible, hearsay evidence…”

I decided instead to seek help from the internet. I put the name “Downing” into the Alleyn’s 1970 Facebook Group search and found “Mike Downing” in our group, stitched up (or should I say “introduced”) by Steve Williams some years ago.

A Google Search of “Mike Downing Alleyn’s” found the gentleman on LinkedIn, asserting that he spent 1972-1979 at Alleyn’s (a year above us) and again a visible connection with Steve Williams.

There was nothing else for it. I contacted Steve Williams. Steve confirmed that Mike Downing was indeed a year above my 1S year, two years above Steve. Steve also confirmed that Mike was and still is a top bloke, who would no doubt enjoy the fifteen minutes of fame (or infamy) and rise to the challenge of trying to recall what might have happened.

Frankly, I can only imagine a few possibilities for this mystery diary entry.

The most plausible in my mind is that Mike Downing inadvertently entered our classroom half way through a double lesson. Opening the wrong classroom door by mistake during another class’s lesson was not an uncommon occurrence at Alleyn’s.

But in order to make it into my diary – a very rare mention of a specific event – the interruption was, presumably, during a key dramatic moment while I was giving evidence. I imagine myself fully in character. Lost within my back story and the highly-charged dramatic circumstances in which my character found himself. Such an interruption would, in those circumstances, have utterly demolished the fourth wall. My potentially monumental acting career thus cruelly interrupted, never again to find the giddy artistic heights that were just that moment about to blossom. A mess of it indeed.

The other possible answer to the Downing mystery is that Downing was part of that drama class and somehow muffed his lines. Perhaps he got tongue-tied or incriminated himself or failed to cross-examine me well enough to expose the implausibility of my evidence.

Is it possible that we occasionally (or even regularly) combined forces with a second year class on drama Friday? Or might Downing have been attending remedial first year drama classes, having made a mess of drama when he was a first year…only to go and make a mess of it again as a remedial member of our class?

I put it to you, dear readers (aka members of the jury) that we need to call at least two additional witnesses to the infamous “made a mess of it” event. Mr Ian Sandbrook (Sir) and Mr Mike Downing. Unless someone else who was there on that fateful day has memories to share.

For sure the sentencing needs to be a lot more incisive than the 25 January 1974 diary entry

Postscript One: Mike Downing Writes:

I seem to recall that I was in the end of year production of Dr and the Devils by Dylan Thomas for which I received critical acclaim in the school magazine 😉 but that may have been 1973. A later foray into Drama spanning some 40 years revealed that I was always late to put my book down and could paraphrase with the best of them when the lines were not forthcoming! I was also in the G & S society production of Trial by Jury so maybe that makes sense and I may well have messed up but old age has reduced it all to a vague blur! Shame you didn’t get to critique some of my later efforts as I definitely got quite good at the whole drama thing in the end🤣. Came close to going professional at one stage but rather preferred the security of a regular pay cheque. Does that jog your memory at all? I doubt it refers to my older brother 1968-75 who never went near a stage in his life.

Postscript Two: Ian Sandbrook (“Sir”) Responds:

IAN SANDBOOK: I am very sorry, but I have absolutely no recall of Downing’s intervention in the drama class of Jan 25th 1974…

IAN HARRIS: Don’t worry about your lack of memory. It’s my diary and I cannot remember this stuff, so I cannot realistically expect others to remember it for me.

Scapino, Young Vic, 23 January 1974

I started to keep a diary in January 1974.  The 23 January entry is my first record of visiting the theatre, although I went with my parents to see pantomimes and children’s shows before then.

This visit I’m sure was my first school trip to the theatre, an Alleyn’s School outing.  I think just for my class; 1S, probably Ian Sandbrook’s initiative.  It was a revival of the first production at the Young Vic Theatre, which I think therefore makes it the Young Vic’s first production as an independent theatre company.  It seems the revival was a precursor to a glittering US transfer.

All the 11 year old “critic” wrote at the time was:

“Scapino v good indeed.  Jim Dale good.  Got to bed very late.”

Yet the evening stays quite clearly in my memory.  I remember liking the patter song about Italian food and I also recall catching a plastic facsimile of a glass of wine and keeping it in a bottom drawer for years and years.  It survived many clear outs, but I think it came a cropper in the end.  Who knows, it might turn up in one of my junk boxes some day.

This Michael Billington piece about that production and the early days of the independent Young Vic is charming, click here.

This archive review from the Columbia Daily Spectator was written only a couple of months after our visit.  The late great Ian Charleson gets an honourable mention in this piece.

There is some material on this production right at the beginning of the Young Vic’s 50 year celebration on-line article – click here.

Here is a link to the Theatricalia entry for the production – whether or not some of the cast changed for the independent revival is lost in the mists of time. I think the main cast was those on the Theatricalia list.

Below is Milton Shulman’s review of the opening night, in September 1970, which he pretty much raved about:

Scapino Shulman StandardScapino Shulman Standard 14 Sep 1970, Mon Evening Standard (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

The Guardian did an Arts Diary picture piece on the p[roduction:

Scapino GuardianScapino Guardian 11 Sep 1970, Fri The Guardian Journal (Nottingham, Nottinghamshire, England) Newspapers.com

If you want to read the script on the Internet Archive, I think you might need a (free) login to borrow it but you can preview it here:

The First Couple Of Weeks Of My Second Term At Alleyn’s School, 6 to 22 January 1974

When 10p really was 10p. Images borrowed from coincraft.com who, fifty years later, can sell you one of these 1974 coins for £6.50

The meaning of the two bob bit in this context will become apparent a bit later.

It is not the two bob that Mr Sandbrook offered to pay any of us if we spotted him make a spelling mistake on the blackboard. Mercifully, Mr Sandbrook did not similarly threaten to fine us 10p for every spelling mistake we made. Had he done so, he’d be a wealthy man and I (and several 1S colleagues) would each be a fair bit poorer.

My diary is riddled with dreadful spelling. I apologise unequivocally to Mr Sandbrook and to those who tried to teach me English before and after him. In the end, it was WordPerfect, AmiPro and Microsoft Word who drummed better spelling into me by dint of their spellcheckers. Teachers and parents, despite their entreaties, got only so far.

Week 6 to 12 January 1974 – Return To Alleyn’s School On the Thursday

My last few days of Christmas holiday freedom were not very eventful.

Sunday 6 January 1974 Missed [Hebrew] classes, went out for lunch with Grandma Anne. A rather bad day.

Lunch with Grandma Anne was probably at Feld’s restaurant in 1974, as I think Folman’s was gone by then.

I quite often mentioned having a good day or a bad day in those early diaries, without so much as a clue as to what might have made the day deserving of the chosen adjective.

Monday 7 January 1974 went to West End and bought 9? books., lunch at Auntie Francis, a very pleasant day. PS Getting lamp from Heals.

The only picture I can find depicting Auntie Francis is the following one from my parents’ wedding, in which everyone looks a bit miserable. Possibly it was a curated moment of reflection on absent friends and relatives. Or possibly everyone was caught on camera just at that “I’ve overeaten” realization moment.

Auntie Francis, Uncle Alec, Grandma Anne, Dad, Mum, Grandpa Lew, Grandma Jenny

I absolutely loved my Heals lamp. It was in the shape of a giant incandescent lightbulb. So cool. You’ll just have to believe me.

Tuesday 8 January 1974 – uneventful. Saw Andrew [Andy Levinson] in morning. G Jenny in afternoon.

Wednesday 9 January 1974 – had lunch with Andrew. Saw Mary Poppins in afternoon. She’s Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Return To School 10 to 22 January 1974

Thursday 10 January 1974 – First day of Lent Term. The t[w]o H’s are on form. No activities so classes early.

Friday 11 January 1974 – Whent [sorry Sir] to Dad after school – lift from U[ncle] Manny.

Saturday 12 January 1974 – School in morning afternoon uneventful.

The two H’s were Keith Handy and Richard Hollingshead, who tended to give me a pretty hard time in those early days at Alleyn’s.

Sunday 13 January 1974 – Miss Aaron [Hebrew class teacher] away. Mr Ragshaw [relief teacher presumably] gave teaser I was right. Lamp is nice.

Monday 14 January 1974 – was robed [presumably I mean to write “robbed”, but I probably, more accurately, “was thieved from”] at school. Mr Fanner [Headmaster] lent 10p. NOTHING ELSE.

I don’t remember the theft incident. I’m sure I would have remembered it had I actually been robbed at school. I suspect my bus fare money “disappeared” from my pocket during PE that morning or games that afternoon.

Still, the incident must have been deemed serious enough for me to have been sent to the headmaster, Mr Fanner, who kindly ponied up a couple of bob to see me home safely. I think I only needed 2p or 4p for that purpose in those days.

I was once actually robbed – i.e. duffed over on the train to school and had my pocket money stolen – but that was certainly not in term two of my first year.

Tuesday 15 January 1974 – repaid Mr Fanner. Biology – no wormery yet. Classes good.

I love the fact that repaying Mr Fanner was a diary-worthy event. I can imagine mum telling me multiple times that it was vitally important that I got that money back to the Headmaster that very day, otherwise he might imagine all sorts of terrible things about me and my family.

I think Bernard Rothbart was our biology teacher that year, making that diary entry especially bitter-sweet thinking about him and Mr Fanner and Mr Tindale (see below) all dying prematurely.

Wednesday 16 January 1974 – Fives good. McG good player. TV good. Man About The House, Bless This House especially.

I’m not sure who McG is/was. Answers, please, on a postcard. McG presumably beat me in order to be assessed as a good player.

Thursday 17 January 1974 – Tindale [French master] away. No violin. Classes good. Prepared lecture for tomorrow.

I’ll talk about my diabolical relationship with the violin some other time. Me and the violin did not get on.

Friday 18 January 1974 – Lecture went well. Drama v good. Heard tape of me 7 years ago.

Not sure what the brief for the lecture was, or indeed for drama that day, deserving of v good. But I can work out what “tape of me 7 years ago” must be referring to, which was the simply delightful recording, which I still have, of my dad reading “Hare And Guy Fawkes” to me on 5 November 1967:

Hare And Guy Fawkes, Daddy Reading To Me, 5 November 1967

Did someone, e.g. Mr Sandbrook, dig out a reel to reel tape recorder and play that recording in class? Or does that diary entry refer to family activity later that day at home? If only I had been more detailed and specific with my diary entries back then.

Saturday 19 January – school morn. Afternoon played with myself. Everything is OK.

Played with myself is not a smutty and/or euphemistic reference. As an only child, I had a variety of games that I had adapted for solo entertainment when needed. I had a version of cricket darts where I would play both batting and bowling roles. I had my own version of Cluedo which enabled me to play solo – goodness knows how – I think that might have come a bit later.

And I had fridge ball, which I have documented on this blog from a December 1974 reference:

A Marathon Day Of Court Sport; Fives and Fridge Ball, 4 December 1974

Great sport, fridge ball. Fridge ball is to ping pong what real tennis is to tennis.

Sunday 20 January 1974 – Bechat Ha Mazon [Birkat Hamazon – food blessing] went well. [Miss] Aaron not [Mr] Freed – boo!! [Hebrew classes]. Otherwise uneventful.

Monday 21 January 1974 – cricket good. 1 dive. 2 one-handed catches. Rest uneventful.

Tuesday 22 January 1974 – No fencing. Female art teacher is good. Classes good.

There is my first reference to cricket in the diaries. Possibly my first ever cricket lesson. I like the sound of my diving one-handed catches.

…more like this DALL-E reimagined picture.

As for the female art teacher, I cannot remember anything about her and certainly not her name. Sorry, Miss. Perhaps others can recall her. I remember Mr Brew and I remember Mr Friedlander, but no female comes to mind in that context. Still, she was good, in my eyes, in January 1974.

My First Class At Alleyn’s School, 1S, And Some Nicknames, guessing 8 January 1974

I started keeping a diary on 1 January 1974. A little Letts Schoolboys Diary.

In the back of the diary, in a notes section, I wrote down the names of all the members of my class, which was 1S. Against some of those classmates’ names I also wrote a nickname.

1974-diary-1s

Just in case my handwriting, scanning and Photoshop skills are inadequate for your purposes, I set the text out below – apologies for replicated spelling errors and for some of the ghastly nicknames:

Allott

Athaide

Barrett – Bass, Titchbass

Burgess

Candappa – Candyfloss

Corrin

Dallaway – Dallers

Feeley

Foord

Forest

French – Frog

Frerson – Dreary-Frery

Goodwin

Guildford

Handy

Harley – Charley

Harris

Hayes

Hollingshead

Manhood – Manhunt

Masson

Mayne – Miles-Of-Mainline-Railway

Moore

Payne – In The Neck

Rickett – LEFT

Romain

Sim

Stendall

I don’t think Guy Rickett was nicknamed “Left”, I think that is a note to say that he left the school.

Now some of the above nicknames are weaker and thinner than a pound-shop condom; I find it hard to believe that many of them had regular currency at the school, although one or two I remember did.

Further, the rest of us must have had nicknames of some sort at one time or another – frankly my juvenile nickname survey lacks quantitative as well as qualitative merit.

Surely some people out there can help fill in the blanks or put matters right, even after all these years? Comments and suggestions, please. Those from other classes are welcome to add their names and nicknames to the pile.

Timetable For My First Year At Alleyn’s School In Class 1S, c7 January 1974

I started keeping a diary in 1974 and I wrote my class timetable in that diary, as shown above.

Unfortunately, I wrote the 1973/74 timetable for 1S in the space where the 1974/75 timetable was supposed to go.

That was not a great start.

I must have spotted my error when the 1974/75 academic year began; I marked in purple and brackets my 2AK timetable.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I have tried to decode the 1S timetable as best as my memory can manage in December 2020, nearly 47 years after I first wrote it down. See below.

The only bit of code I struggled with was double GC (I think that’s what it says) on a Thursday afternoon. I think it might have stood for “General Class”, as I do recall doing fun stuff like drama, skits and the like with Mr Sandbrook that year and can’t work out when else we might have done that.

Someone out there might remember – I’m sure GC won’t have just been a 1S thing.

Specifically for 1S, though, I cannot recall who taught us what in several cases.  My memory gets as far as (and there might be mistakes in my plugs):

  • English – Ian Sandbrook
  • PE & Games – Alan Berry (sometimes Harry Wale, sometimes Paul Sherlock)
  • Handicraft – Mr Evans and David Midgely
  • Maths – Mr McCartney
  • RE – ?
  • Music – Pop Kennard
  • History – ? [Rohan Candappa reckons Doggie Johnson & I think he’s right]
  • French – Trevor Tindale
  • Biology – Bernard Rothbart
  • Art – James Brew
  • Chemistry – John Clarke
  • Physics – ?
  • GC – well if I knew what it was…but I think Ian Sandbrook
  • Geography – ?

Of course this isn’t just a 1S thing – who taught what, to whom, when, might be a fun memory game for people regardless of which class/year we might talk about. But perhaps for now we can stick with people who taught us in our first year.

Anyway, point is, I’d like to engage the hive mind of our cohort on this problem, so I am posting this piece in early December 2020, a few days ahead of one of Rohan Candappa’s Virtual Buttery evenings.

It’s a bit like homework really, but without the risk of censure if you turn up without having done any.

I’ll update this posting once the hive mind has built its metaphorical honeycomb.

Sherlock surely could work out whodunnit? Paul Sherlock, Alan Berry & Tony King

I Diarist, My First Diary Page, 1 to 5 January 1974

I started keeping a diary in January 1974. So exhausting must have been the process for eleven-on-twelve-year-old me, I took a sabbatical between May and late November that year.

The 1970s diaries cover my secondary school years, at Alleyn’s School. I shall write them up fifty years after the event, in the same way as I have been writing up my Keele University years of the 1980s as a “Forty Years On” series.

The juvenile writing needs some interpretation, both in terms of deciphering the strange symbols that comprised my handwriting back then and in terms of matters stated and omitted. I’ll try to explain and interpret as best I can, fifty years after the event.

I apologise for my atrocious spelling back then. Spellcheck has spared my blushes incalculably often in the IT era that followed my school years, while also drumming in some improvement to my ability at spelling.

Here’s that first page in all its glory.

Tuesday 1 January 1974 – …”Dined At Schmidt’s”…

Dad was at home. Dined at Schmidt’s. Chocolate moose was nice. In evening watched a film. P.S. Traditional walk 6th year.

Menu image borrowed from Writer’s London on Twitter (more recently known as X)

Schmidt’s was an extraordinary place on Charlotte Street. It was a German Restaurant trapped in time from the early part of the 20th century, operated by an aging gentleman named Frederick Schmidt and his moustached sister, Marie Schmidt. I knew them as Mr Schmidt and Miss Schmidt.

We ate there quite often, mostly when Grandma Anne was not with us, as she was kosher and Schmidt’s was quintessentially not so. I recall that Grandma would occasionally come there with us and eat fish there, while dad would choose his favourite dish, eisbein, a Berlin style of schweinshaxe, with dad pointedly asking for the “VEAL knuckle” as he pointed at eisbein on the menu. Naughty daddy.

I would almost certainly have gone for the liver and onions or the schnitzel as my main course. Both of those dishes came on a platter with some pease pudding and sauerkraut as well as potatoes and vegetables. More or less everything came on such a platter, now I come to think of it. The fact that I comment on the chocolate moose suggests that it might have been a new one to me, but whatever desert I chose there, I would insist on lashings of whipped cream, which, at Schmidt’s, was a highly aerated form of whipped cream which I absolutely loved, both in its look, its taste and its texture. Mum loved that stuff too, on her coffee.

We would sometimes see Esther Rantzen in the delicatessen section of the establishment, where we would usually spend some time after eating, perhaps choosing some delicacies to take home with us or just browsing. When I met Esther properly some 20 years later, I mentioned that I remembered seeing her in Schmidt’s several times and we had a joyous reminisce about that lost world.

There is a fascinating blog spot piece by Mark Bowles about the place, with many comments, which you can read here.

If anything were ever to happen to that web page, you can read a scrape of it here.

…”Watched A Film”…

The film was probably Around The World Under The Sea.

The traditional walk was something I did with my dad over the festive season every year for many years – initially I suspect it was mum’s way of getting a bit of peace for an hour or so and giving us the chance to walk off all the food we’d eaten. I think of Boxing Day as the usual day for that event, but it seems it was held back until 1 January that season – perhaps a weather-related change.

Wednesday 2 January 1974 – …”bought 5 History Books”…

Uneventful yet bought 5 history books. I cannot quite reconcile those two phrases.

I can, however, identify the books. They were from the “Everyday Life” series. I still have them:

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have spotted that there are nine books from that series depicted above, but the diary entry reports me buying five books. The even-more-eagle-eyed amongst you might be able to spot that the five “Everyday Life” books to the right of the picture look considerably more thumbed than the four to the left, which I’m sure I purchased at a later date.

I suspect that I spent my own money on those books (I’d have been flush with Christmas money or Hanukkah gelt at that time of year). The list price of the five books I bought that day comes to the princely sum of £1.45, but I’d wager a good few bob that these books were discounted after Christmas and I might have scored the batch of five for around £1 in W H Smith. I loved those books, which is why I have not been able to part with them, even when I cleared out most of my childhood books.

I especially loved the two about life in the stone ages. These related to the period of history we were being taught that year at school.

In both of the Stone Age books, I have written:

Ian Harris 1.S.

If found please return to 1.S.

I must have been taking these books to school with me on history days – possibly leaving them at school overnight sometimes. Only those two have that inscription, but inside the one about Roman Times, I discovered…

…an ancient, small piece of blotting paper, with one quite large blot on it, marking the place between pages 64 and 65 which, judging by the spine of the book, is as far as I got with that one 50 years ago. This discovery felt like a bit of a Pompeii moment, my juvenile reading trapped within a moment of time many years ago, providing evidence of reading interrupted and never resumed. I feel a relentless desire now to finish reading the book, which I think, fifty years later, will require me to start again from the beginning. I’m guessing that I’ll be able to whizz through the 130 or so pages quite quickly. But again I have put off the task to another day. It won’t be another 50 years, that’s for sure.

…”Saw Tommy Cooper”…

The Tommy Cooper Hour will have been this one – Episode 3 – click here. It will have looked a bit like the vid below, an episode from the same series, shown a few months later:

Thursday 3 January 1974

Went to dentist. No fillings yet. Drawn darts match. 5p Kalooki. 2 Rons [The Two Ronnies] good.

The dentist will have been Harry Wachtel, a slightly eccentric Austrian-Jewish refugee dentist who practiced in Streatham for several decades.

How a darts match ends up drawn I have no idea. Neither do I know who I played in that drawn match. Can’t have been one of my parents (dad would have gone back to work and mum would never go near my dartboard…come to think of it, nor did dad). Possibly Andy Levinson came round. Ot possibly I had a game of my own devising which enabled me to play against myself and secure a draw.

Kalooki probably did involve my mum and it seems that I got lucky, skilful or both, making 5p (that’s a shilling in real money).

The Two Ronnies was this episode. Interesting that I was allowed to watch TV that late at that age – it was possibly my starting secondary school that got my bedtime shifted towards and beyond the watershed.

Friday 4 January 1974

1×2 + bull at darts. Saw Fantasia for a third time – it is great.

I’m guessing that Fantasia was not shown on TV that week, so it would have been a visit to the cinema. I don’t say who I went with, but that might have been with mum (she loved Fantasia too) as I think I would have named my companion if I had gone with a friend or even if I had gone with Grandma Jenny. Probably local, at the Streatham ABC or Odeon.

My burgeoning darts career tails off soon, at least in the matter of diary mentions. I suspect that the dart board was a new toy for Christmas 1973.

Saturday 5 January 1974

Mum bought coat £22 reduced to £9.95. Went to Lytton’s. Played Striker with dive goalies.

Striker with dive goalies. That sounds amazing. I have re-established contact with Steve Lytton in the 50 years since that epic event. I wonder whether he still has his Striker set and is up for a rematch.

Borrowed from ebay, click here or image, where this item can be procured (at the time of posting).

We Did Make A Drama Out Of An Eris: Friday Drama Class At Alleyn’s School With Mr Sandbrook In 1S, 1973/1974

I only kept my diary for the middle term of the formative year that was my first year at Alleyn’s School. I was given my first diary at the turn of 1974, after the first term. I lost interest in being a diarist after just four months. then I regained that interest and kept a diary constantly for the next 14 years.

Anyway.

One feature that pervades my diary during that second term of my secondary schooling is mentions of “drama” on Fridays. I clearly loved that class. My diary also shows that we had two English slots on a Friday morning, which I suspect encouraged Ian Sandbrook, our class and English teacher, to use that section of our English itinerary for the drama stuff.

Smart idea, giving us exciting stuff to do on a Friday morning; a slot that might otherwise be a graveyard slot. I never mentioned Mr McCarthey’s maths lessons, for example, in my Friday diary.

Some fellow 1S-istas might remember some aspects of those lessons. Mr Sandbrook might too. I’d love to hear about such memories. There are a few clues in my diary which I shall try to unpick as I go through the diaries. They might trigger some more memories from others.

But one aspect has stuck in my brain all of these 50 years. Just one couplet remains, but I know that, one week, Ian Sandbrook asked us to explore Greek myths as a source of drama and to write a short piece.

The Apple Of Discord, The Judgment Of Paris And The Drama Of 1S

I’m not sure whether Mr Sandbrook allocated us each a myth, or possibly got us all to explore the same myth, but my myth was the story of the “beauty contest” between Hera, Athena and Aphrodite, triggered by an angry goddess of discord, Eris, setting a challenging question on an apple. The contest was judged by Paris of Troy.

Paris was a prince unsuited to such a role, having been raised by peasants in ignorance of his regal origins. The gods had to send Hermes out to the middle of nowhere to get Paris for the judging. The modern me wonders whether Hermes initially left a card at the peasant hut, “sorry we missed you – we tried to collect you but you weren’t in…”. But Hermes must have collected and delivered fairly promptly, as he did whisk Paris to the party in time to be the impromptu judge.

Hera offered Paris wealth and power if he voted for her. Athena offered him knowledge and warrior-status. Aphrodite offered him the most beautiful mortal woman. Guess what?

Helen Of Troy

The rest is history…or rather, the rest is Greek myth and saga.

My mum must have helped me to write my script. Of course almost all of it is lost in the mists of time and the late 1980s clear out of my juvenilia which my mum chose to implement without consulting me. I’m not yet over it.

But I remember one couplet from the piece, which has stuck in my head for these 50 years. It was a musical intro to the skit, set to the tune Eye Level by the Simon Park Orchestra, which was a big hit at the time. I suspect that this skit was probably a first term effort, because Eye Level was Number One in October 1973.

If you are Zeus or Hera or Ceres,

If you are Bacchus or Aphrodite;

If you are a Greek god,

Come dance with me.

A few things to unpick there, about which I was probably blissfully ignorant in 1973. Some interesting melisma on the words Ceres, Greek and god. Gives the thing a slightly ancient, plainchant-like quality. Almost certainly an accidental inclusion back then.

The names of a couple of Roman gods have got mixed up there with Greek ones. Ceres and Bacchus (Demeter and Dionysus respectively). I have no idea whether any of us in the Harris household knew or cared about that distinction. “Artistic licence” was my dad’s answer whenever some element of (in his case normally painting) work was called into that sort of question. I might have been very keen to have the word Bacchus in there, as we had visited the Temple of Bacchus in Baalbek (Lebanon) just a few weeks earlier:

Temple of Bacchus, Baalbek, August 1973, photo by Dad

If you are struggling to remember the tune, struggle no more. Here’s a vid of the Simon Park Orchestra performing Eye Level on TOTP back then…against the will of many of the musicians, judging by the expressions on their faces, Simon Park and an enthusiastic-looking tambourine-player aside:

Apart from the couplet, I think “my” skit was basically a sketch and meant to be a comedy rendering of the story. I have no idea whether or not it worked. The fact that I remember the couplet suggests that it might have gone down very well…or very, very badly. Actually all that my recollection of the couplet proves is that my mum probably got me to rehearse that bit over and over again so it wouldn’t sound too bad.

Fifty Years Later…We Can (Sort Of) Reconstruct This Performance Piece

Now, here’s the thing.

The above godly couplet might well have been my first attempt (albeit assisted by my mum) at writing comedy lyrics to a well known tune.

But it was far from my last.

Let’s put aside some sophomoric attempts in the 1980s, but by the early 1990s (and for most of the rest of that decade) I was regularly writing such material for NewsRevue, the world’s longest running live comedy show. My canon of silly, mostly topical, lyrics extends to several hundred pieces, almost all of which are published here on Ogblog, if you care to delve.

But can I still cut it? I decided, in January 2024 to set myself the challenge of writing a single lyric to cover the entirety of the Apple Of Discord/Judgment of Paris story.

After all, if I could successfully summarise the Balkan Wars in a comedy lyric, Mad Frogs And Englishmen, the initiation of the Trojan War should be similarly manageable.

Early in that second term of my first year at Alleyn’s, Eye Level was long gone from the charts. January 1974’s big hit was Tiger Feet by Mud.

Using Tiger Feet did prove to be a real challenge. With all due respect to “Chinnichap” songs, hugely successful though they were, the lyrics were not exactly the central conceit. Think Blockbuster, Devil Gate Drive and Mickey. Far from the style of Noel Coward’s Mad Dogs And Englishmen – a patter song with loads of space.

Still, I’ve been more than 50 years in the parody lyrics business now, so I should be able to give it a go. My lyric is written from the point of view of that much maligned character, Paris. It is by necessity a little sparse on detail, but I think I have managed to summarise the whole story in two short verses and choruses.

VERSE ONE

All night long, you’ve been enjoying a fest,

While Hermes brought me here to judge your beauty contest;

Eris left a discord apple,

With a judgment I must grapple,

Who’s the fairest and who’s the bitchiest?

…

CHORUS ONE

Alright,

That’s right, that’s right, that’s right, that’s right,

I’ll take the offer from Aphrodite (ee);

It’s keener, It’s keener, It’s keener, It’s keener,

Than that of Hera or Athena,

More exciting…and obscener.

…

VERSE TWO

So I’ll get to wed the beautiful Helen Of Troy,

A shame she’s already married to a different boy;

I’ve got a feeling in my water,

I should have picked someone else’s daughter,

But Helen’s face can a thousand ships deploy.

…

CHORUS TWO

Oy,

That’s poor, that’s poor, that’s poor, that’s poor,

I’ve triggered off the Trojan War;

That’s sad, that’s sad, that’s sad, that’s sad,

For Troy, the ending’s really bad,

The saga of The Iliad.

Burning Troy, Daniel van Heil

Drama Friday Revived…Just For One Day

I’m publishing this piece on Friday 12 January 2024, in the hope that it revives the Alleyn’s tradition of Drama Friday from 50-years ago, at least for one day.

I’ll send a copy to Sir (Ian Sandbrook), but it would be unfair to expect him to mark my homework and/or lead the class at such short notice.

But, as it happens, I am seeing my friend, John Random, a bit later in the day. He was the first NewsRevue director to use my material in the early 1990s and is now part English teacher, part thespian. I’ll ask John to mark my homework and I might even, eventually, let readers know how I got on.

John might say, “your lyric is too hot to Trotsky”…or perhaps he won’t.

Postscript: John Random Awarded The Lyric 10/10, While “Sir” (Ian Sandbrook) Marked My Homework That Very Day

Hi Ian – thought I should get back to you while it is still Friday… love the poem/song ! not sure how it would work as a piece of drama but I dare say IS would have made something impressive out if it. I am having some difficulty believing that we were so erudite back then. Happy new year. Best wishes, Ian”

Pop Chart Earworms When Starting Alleyn’s School 50 Years Ago, Early September 1973

I remember little about my first term at Alleyn’s School. I didn’t start writing my diaries until January 1974. The fragments of memory that I retain are part-true, part-false and part-plagiarised, in that conversations with friends from that era tends to dredge stuff from the memory that wouldn’t otherwise have been dredged.

But a review of the Top 50 charts from the week that my cohort started Alleyn’s has certainly recovered some earworms for me. In truth, nothing that really reminds me of those vital first few days, but certainly a few that remind me of the summer and build up to that first term and some that I do remember being “very much a thing” during those early weeks.

Me? I was actually listening mostly to classical music by the autumn of 1973. My “golden era” of listening to pop/chart music relentlessly had faded in the latter years of my primary school education, as my parents desperately encouraged me to listen to “proper” (i.e. classical) music – mostly middle-brow stuff.

They (or perhapa generous uncle) bought me 36 remaindered ten-inch discs from The Great Musicians series – click here or picture link below.

I’ll write more on that separately when the mood takes me.

This article is about the charts in the first week of September 1973. Here’s the chart, with some comments and embedded files for you to see and hear:

  • Number 50, Snoopy Versus The Red Baron, Hotshots
  • Number 49, Angel, Aretha Franklin
  • Number 48, Gaye, Clifford T. Ward
  • Number 47, Nutbush City Limits, Ike And Tina Turner

In truth, this one is not an earworm from the late summer of 1973, but it is a truly wonderful record, so here it is, with a very 1973 vid:

  • Number 46, Natural High, Bloodstone
  • Number 45, Hypnosis, Mud
  • Number 44, Caroline, Status Quo

I definitely remember this Quo number stuck in my ear at that time…or was it a slightly different Quo song…or was it at a different time…

  • Number 43, Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree, Dawn Featuring Tony Orlando
  • Number 42, The Free Electric Band, Albert Hammond
  • Number 41, And I Love You So, Perry Como
  • Number 40, All The Way From Memphis Mott The Hoople
  • Number 39, Joybringer, Manfred Mann’s Earth Band
  • Number 38, Skywriter, The Jackson 5
  • Number 37, All Right Now, Free
  • Number 36, Going Home, The Osmonds
  • Number 35, Bad Bad Boy, Nazareth
  • Number 34, Everything Will Turn Out Fine, Stealers Wheel
  • Number 33, Ying Tong Song, Goons
  • Number 32, Electric Lady, Geordie
  • Number 31, Our Last Song Together, Neil Sedaka
  • Number 30, Monster Mash, Bobby (Boris) Pickett And The Crypt-Kickers

This novelty record was for sure doing the round that first term. I have found a version with Pans People “dancing” to it…it wouldn’t be 1973 without Top Of The Pops and Pans People

  • Number 29, Life On Mars, David Bowie

In truth, this one is one of my main earworms from the summer before staring Alleyn’s. I remember Russell Holland (a friend from primary school) having a copy and we played it over and over one day when i visited his house that summer. I still think it is a truly great song:

  • Number 28, Alright, Alright, Alright, Mungo Jerry
  • Number 27, I Think Of You, Detroit Emeralds
  • Number 26, For The Good Times, Perry Como
  • Number 25, Touch Me In The Morning, Diana Ross
  • Number 24, I’ve Been Hurt, Guy Darrell
  • Number 23, 48 Crash, Suzi Quatro
  • Number 22, Oh No Not My Baby, Rod Stewart
  • Number 21, I’m Doing Fine Now , New York City
  • Number 20, I’m Free, Roger Daltrey, London Symphony Orchestra And Chamber Choir
  • Number 19, Fool, Elvis Presley
  • Number 18, Dear Elaine, Roy Wood
  • Number 17, I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am!), Gary Glitter
  • Number 16, Smarty Pants, First Choice
  • Number 15, Welcome Home, Peters And Lee
  • Number 14, The Dean And I, 10 C.C.
  • Number 13, Rising Sun, Medicine Head
  • Number 12, Say Has Anybody Seen My Sweet Gypsy Rose, Dawn Featuring Tony Orlando
  • Number 11, Summer (The First Time), Bobby Goldsboro
  • Number 10, Pick Up The Pieces, Hudson-Ford
  • Number 09, Angie, The Rolling Stones
  • Number 08, Like Sister And Brother, The Drifters
  • Number 07, You Can Do Magic, Limmie And The Family Cookin’

Gosh – I’m not sure I have given this one much thought since that late summer/autumn of 1973, but it absolutely brings back sights, sounds and smells from those early days at Alleyn’s

  • Number 06, Rock On, David Essex
  • Number 05, Spanish Eyes, Al Martino

Why did someone give a tune named “Moon Over Naples” lyrics about “Spanish Eyes”? Had no-one heard of cultural appropriation back then? This was a rerelease from the late 1960s:

  • Number 04, Yesterday Once More, The Carpenters

I like this song. Yes it is a bit cheesy but that doesn’t stop it from being a good song:

  • Number 03, Angel Fingers, Wizzard

Roy Wood was off the scale weird. I only vaguely remember this one from that era:

  • Number 02, Dancing On A Saturday Night, Barry Blue

Why does Barry Blue sample Zorba’s Dance in the middle of this song, years before “sampling” was “a thing”?

  • Number 01, Young Love, Donny Osmond

It’s a shame that Nigel Godfrey didn’t start Alleyn’s the same year as us, as he would LOVE to be able to boast that Donny was Number One when he started, whereas the rest of us…

Tara pop-pickers, as that great man, Alan Freeman, used to say.

Passing Out Parade, Rosemead School, July 1973

Everybody had won and all must have had prizes

I graduated 50 years ago. Graduated from primary school, I mean. Writing in July 2023, it hardly seems possible that half-a-century has passed since then, but it has.

I hadn’t seen these photographs of the prize giving ceremony for a very long time. In truth, I found them recently while rummaging for something completely different.

Strangely, I can remember a surprising amount about the event and the names of many of my fellow pupils. Still, some of the memories are hazy and apologies if I have misremembered, spelt wrong or misidentified anyone. Feel free to get in touch and help me correct the record.

Looking at the headline photo, in which I seem to be picking up some sort of award on my own, I can see my mum on the far left of the picture (fourth mum along) looking a little pained. I recall that she had an attack of sciatica that day and nearly didn’t come to the event. I also recall that she found the seating in the nissen hut – where we held a pre-prize-giving performance – so uncomfortable that she stood at the back throughout the “show”.

I remember little about the show other than our class singing Que Sera Sera as a choir, which, I also recall, my mum told me had made her cry.

I suspect that a children’s choir rendition of Que Sera Sera in such circumstances was pretty standard fare back then.

Then outside for some element of outdoor performance ahead of the prize giving.

I’m pretty sure I can identify and name all five of these kids: Russell Holland, Deborah Horton, Alan Cooke, Julie Wheeler and Deborah Silverton

I’m still in touch with Alan. He might have some additional information about these pictures.

Russell and Deborah I must have befriended very early in my time at Rosemead, because they are there to be seen in the film of my fifth birthday party, six years before this prize giving event:

Returning to the 1973 Rosemead event, I have a few more pictures.

The lady in red is, I believe, Mrs Pavesi – behind her, David Pavesi with Nigel Palmer. I think the “back of a boy’s head” is Alan Cooke again.

Signor Pavesi was a restaurateur/chef if I recall correctly. David and Nigel were pals of mine.

My mum took issue with Nigel regularly being chosen to play Jesus in the school nativity plays. Mum felt that I probably bore a closer resemblance to the original Jesus than Nigel did; she oft threatened to challenge the school with cultural appropriation for that casting. Fortunately, mum was either joking or too timid to raise the matter, or both of those things.

There’s Nigel picking up a prize. Best Supporting Actor? Jesus is not a big part in nativity plays.

I think this prize-winner is Christopher Stendall

Chris Stendall is one of three Rosemead alums who went on, with me, to Alleyn’s School, the other two being Alan Cooke (see above) and Jonathan Barnett (not depicted in these 1973 pictures, but who can be seen in the 1967 film).

Seems I collected several prizes that day. Ho hum – nobody really likes a smart-ass. In the upper picture, behind me, collecting is Russell Holland and behind him, I believe, Nazareen Ali. In the lower of the above two pictures, behind me looks like Mandy Goldberg.

My main memory of Mandy Goldberg was of Richard Dennis accidentally hitting her with a cricket bat in the playground, which resulted in cricket being banned at Rosemead by the headmistress, Miss Plumridge. I reported that event some years ago in a piece about my juvenile cricket, linked here or below:

Back When I Didn’t Know My Asif From My Sarfraz, Cricket On Tooting Bec Common, Summer 1974

Those seven pictures are all I could find from that event. But hopefully this piece will help track some people down who might have more memories and/or photos. If so, please do get in touch – I’d love to hear from you and/or add more material to this piece.

The pictures are all in Flickr at higher quality than above, along with a few other pictures from that era. Click here or the picture link below:

1973 Rosemead Finale 01