Ancient Arithmetic: The Possible Origins Of The Tennis Scoring System, Part One Of Four Pieces On Tennis History

Pondering tennis scoring, abacus in hand, Moreton Morrell, 2019

Why Score Points/Strokes in 15s?

Lovers of tennis have long pondered the origins of the scoring system. In particular, the notion that the first point scores 15, the second point 30 and so on, until one player has scored four points, or, if the score reaches three-all, once one player has subsequently taken two consecutive points.

There are a great many theories about the origins of this convention.

At the time of writing this piece (the summer of 2020) there are two prevailing “origins” theories on the internet, both of which fail the credibility test as soon as some historical facts are thrown into the mix.

The most common of the fallacious origin theories is that tennis scorers habitually used clock faces to score the games, taking the minute hand numbers as scores, i.e. 15 to signify a quarter of the job done, 30 to signify half, 40 (as an abbreviation for 45), 60 to conclude the game.

Chronoswiss MG 2645

Unfortunately for this elegant, oft-touted and much-believed theory, there are early written accounts of the 15/30/45 scoring system dating back to the Renaissance; long before anyone had considered the idea of minute markings on clock faces. While it is possible that such devices might have been used at times in the last 300 years, this simply is not a credible “origins” theory.

The second style of origin theory, often to be found on the internet, is connected with the chase markings on a real tennis court. Variations of this theory include the notion that there were traditionally 14 chase lines on the floor, so the concluded point was called, to avoid confusion, 15. The other main variation of the “floor plan” theory is that the court was traditionally 90 feet long (45 feet on each side) and that the server had to advance 15 feet on winning the first point, a further 15 on winning the second etc.

Tennis court layout

Lovers of the early forms of the game, known variously as real tennis, royal tennis, court tennis and jeu du paume, will recognise that there is no such standardisation of courts, whether on length or on court markings (or even on how to name the game). Just naming it “tennis” pleases me best.

There was a tradition in France at one time to have 14 floor marks on the service side, but that French tradition of floor marking was initiated long after the scoring system was established. It is possible that the French floor marking style was a nod to the fact that the scoring system was based on 15/30/45/60, but it cannot have been the cause of that scoring system.

While Internet Babble Might Hinder, So Might Historic, Original Sources, Now Available Freely Through The Internet, Help

So internet babble couldn’t solve this one for me. I needed to retreat into ancient texts on tennis. There I found such a rich collection of writings I could happily generate several essays on the origins of many aspects of the game; indeed I intend to do just that.

The Willis Faber Book Of Tennis & Rackets by Lord Aberdare (I had to purchase this one; it is not in the public domain) is an authoritative book on the subject. Aberdare shows documentary evidence that 15/30/45 were used as far back as the Middle Ages. Heiner Gillmeister quotes an early 15th Century Middle English poem about the Battle of Agincourt, which uses a game of tennis as a metaphor for the battle and quotes the scores XV, XXX and XLV. A poem by Charles d’Orleans, dated in the 1430s, also mentions 45 in the context of tennis. Erasmus’s Colloquies c 1518, mention the scoring of a love game as Quindecim, Trigenta, Quadraginta quinque.

Lord Aberdare also tells us that writers as far back as the 1430s wondered “why 15s?”, but could find no satisfactory answer.

Aberdare also quotes and lists his sources extensively. A great many of those original sources are now freely available on-line through the internet archive and other such public domain sources. I have provided links in this article where such sources exist.

In The Renaissance Period, The Italians & The French Were Doing Most Of The Running In Tennis

The very first treatise on tennis, attempting to set down its rules comprehensively, was written by Antonio Scaino in 1555, Trattato del Giuoco della Palla (Treatise of the Ball Game). Like so many of these ancient texts, it is freely available on-line through the Internet Archive – click the preceding link or image below to read the document.

I need to rely on Julian Marshall’s translation and interpretation of that text in his wonderful, seminal English work on the history of tennis; The Annals Of Tennis, 1878, which is also freely available through the internet archive. Julian Marshall’s work will feature large in some of my later pieces on tennis history. Lord Aberdare relies on Marshall heavily for the history of the game.

According to Marshall, Antonio Scaino advances a rather convoluted theory for the use of 15, based on (as he sees it) three types of game and the five points required to turn a 0-40 position into a game in one’s own favour.

While Scaino’s theory seems rather weak to my modern, forensic mind, yet it is still fascinating to note that Scaino speaks of this kind of scoring, including the use of deuces, as a standard thing for almost all ball games. Marshall writes:

This was, evidently, even then a matter of universal custom which needed no comment; and, with the “setting” of the game at deuce (a dua), it was common, Scaino says, to all ball-games, with the exception of foot-ball…

In La Maison Academique – 1659 – the first French book on games – also available on-line today – a much earlier, late 16th century work: Signification de l’ancien jeu des chartes pythagorique et la déclaration de deux doubtes qui se trouvent en comptant le jeu de la paume by Jean Gosselin is quoted at length, debating his “deux doubtes” (two doubts) about the origins of the scoring system:

…why we should count, as from time immemorial we have counted, 15, 30, 45 and then game, which latter should be equivalent to 60, rather than by any other numbers greater or lesser than these.

Gosselin comes up with two “solutions” to his doubts. One based on astronomy or a sextant, being a sixth part of a circle itself consisting of 60 degrees and sixty minutes. Unfortunately, at that time, a set tended to comprise four games, not six as has more recently become common, so his 60 times four does not complete the circle.

His second theory is based on geometry and a rather convoluted theory around Roman measures, as four fingers =1 palm, 4 palms = 1 foot and 1 Clima = a square of 60 feet by 60 feet, 1 Actus = 2 Climates in length and breadth, 1 Jugerum = 2 Actus in length and 1 Actus in breadth.

After dancing around his two theories for a while, Gosselin concludes that he has solved the matter decisively, Q.E.F. (as the French say).

Readers might form their own views on Gosselin’s “extremely complicated” (as Lord Aberdare puts it) geometrical theories and the somewhat arrogant tone of Gosselin’s certainty that he has solved the doubts about the origins of the scoring system.

But I shall shortly return to the notions, which are undoubtedly so, that the origins are buried in antiquity and that, again as Lord Aberdare summarise it:

…the number 60 often represented a complete whole in mediaeval times…

While Italian written sources go back to the mid 16th century and relevant French ones to the late 16th century, there are no English authorities on tennis until the 19th century; just the occasional fragment or mention of tennis in other works.

On the question of using the term “forty” rather than “forty-five”, which several correspondents have raised, I have written a short Appendix:

19th & 20th Century English Contributions To Tennis History

The first English book on tennis was published in 1822: A Treatise on Tennis By a Member of the Tennis Club, now attributed to Robert Lukin. “The Club” referred to in the title was the James Street Court in Haymarket; at the time the club acted as “guardian of the laws” of tennis, until “the Tennis Club” closed and handed that guardianship role to the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) in the 1860s.

Again, these days, you can simply click the link and read the whole book on the internet archive. A fun and short read. That book is strong on odds/handicaps and also has a fascinating appendix with historical notes about notable royal lovers/players of the game, but the scoring system is merely stated as fact with the aside that strokes:

…are reckoned in a manner, which makes it at first very difficult to understand.

The first Stroke or point is called 15

The second…30

The third…40 or 45

So it really isn’t until Julian Marshall’s 1878 book, The Annals of Tennis (previously mentioned and linked, but, heck, here’s the link again) that the origins of the scoring system is given thoughtful coverage in English. Marshall’s influence spans lawn tennis as well as real tennis, as I shall explain in a subsequent piece about the intriguing ways the two games have developed, like conjoined twins, somewhat independent and yet in several ways metaphorically joined at the hip. Marshall was also a prominent MCC member who played a major role in the codification of the laws of tennis in the last few decades of the 19th century.

But Marshall doesn’t progress the thinking about the origins of the scoring system, he simply catalogues the Italian and French writings on the topic authoritatively and helpfully.

More recently, in the 1990s, the subject has had in depth and well-researched coverage in Heiner Gillmeister’s book, Tennis: A Cultural History:

Gillmeister is a leading expert on the history and origins of ball games generally and in particular tennis. Gillmeister’s extensive research leaves him in little or no doubt that the game we recognise today as tennis, including the scoring system, has its origins in medieval Europe and that scoring games using base 60, divided by four, is probably related to money matters at the time.

Whisper it, people, but medieval tennis, once it became popular among the secular classes, was not played for honour and valour; it was primarily played for money. It was a mechanism for the players and also sometimes spectators, to wager.

Many jurisdictions had wager limits embedded in the law. Nuremberg commoners are:

…enjoined not to play for more than sixty “haller”and for no object or possession valued at over sixty “pfennige”

A similar edict from Munich in 1365 limits stakes to 60 “denare” (deniers). But there is no direct evidence that such limits were applied in France, nor is there direct evidence that these regulations, which were applied to dice games, would also have been deemed to apply to wagers on tennis.

Gillmeister also says, regarding such gambling regulations:

…they do without doubt prove one thing: by at least the end of the thirteenth century and during the fourteenth century, the time when sous worth fifteen deniers were in circulation, games played for stakes of over 60 deniers were forbidden

Now Mr Gillmeister might know a heck of a lot about linguistics and the history of ball games, but I’m not as convinced that he has quite such a strong grasp on the history of money. While there were many variations of coinage at that stage of the medieval period, the relative standard of 12 deniers to the sous and 20 sous to the livre was fairly well established across Europe. In England this was expressed as 12 pennies to the shilling, 20 shillings to the pound. There were many local variations, including a coin known as the patard which was, at times, in circulation and worth 15d. At the higher end of the scale, Gillmeister mentions the double royal d’or and the gros denier tournois, but frankly neither of those coins became a standard based on sixty sous or fifteen deniers.

Still, I find compelling the arguments that medieval tennis was regularly played for stakes and that a maximum stake of 60 pfennigs (or 60 deniers, or 60 pennies) per game might have been a de facto standard regulation at a vital stage of the development of tennis. I find the “coinage arguments” for division into 15s less convincing, but it is quite possible that the principle of “the first to four wins the game, unless…” was well-established, making 15 the natural point counter, if you seek to get to 60 points for a game.

A further point regarding money, which Gillmeister misses but I recognise and find compelling, is the notion that, if 60 represents a game, 240 would, at that time, have represented a set. Until relatively recently, a set was, more commonly, the first to four games, not the first to six. Sets of tennis mostly being to six emerged as a standard in the last 200-300 years. So while Gillmeister agonises over coins that might or might not have been valued at 15 deniers in various places at various time, he misses some clear evidence in plain view, that a set of tennis, if counted to four games of 60, i.e. 240, would almost universally in Europe have represented a livre, or, as we say in English old money, 240 pennies makes one pound.

Gillmeister is far more convincing and consistent on the “medieval chivalric” case for deuces, or at least the principle that games should be determined by a margin of two points, not just one point. Jan Van Berghe – he of the early 15th century Agincourt poem, discusses, in a later work, the continuation of play from deuce until one player has won two consecutive chases.

Scaino, our Italian Renaissance correspondent from 1555, is emphatic on this point in his Trattato:

The method of fighting such a distinguished battle should be removed from any suspicion of chance or fortune. He who wins must be sure that he has won by his own valour, not by any outside favour. Who does not see now that the game could not be devised with good reason to end with only one point? The good and staunch Cavalier is judged not by one thrust of his lance; the elegant Dancer not by just one leap, however bold and skilful…

Less convincing, to my mind, is Gillmeister’s alternative view on the origins of the term “love” to describe the “lack of” score for the unfortunate player who has not yet won a stroke. He is not convinced that “love” is a bastardisation of the French word “l’oeuf”, i.e. egg, representing “0” – zero. He prefers the Dutch or Flemish word “lof”, meaning honour, or “nothing more than the love of the game”. Gillmeister is a linguist as well as a ball game historian, so what do I know when I say that I find the “oeuf” explanation more convincing than the “lof” argument?

The Stuff Of Ancient Legend; As Deep In Antiquity As Can Be

Gillmeister starts his book Tennis: A Cultural History with a fascinating legend from the late 12th century.

A young, intellectually-challenged trainee monk does a deal with the devil in order to shine in his studies. One day he falls ill and has a near-death experience, during which he descends into a hellish valley where demons fashion his soul into a ball and play jeu de paume (medieval tennis) with it.

The story is recorded in the early 13th century work, Dialogus Miraculorum, by Caesarius of Heisterbach – yet another of these wonderful old texts that is freely available on-line if you wish to read or just look in awe at the ancient text.

This legend, along with the Gillmeister’s central numerical point about the scoring system; that the use of base 60 was important in medieval Europe, brought another, much earlier culture to my mind.

The very earliest civilisation known to have urbanised, the Sumerians in Southern Mesopotamia.

They started writing stuff down around 5000 to 5500 years ago, did the Sumerians. Most of the stuff they wrote down was rather dull, accounting type records, in cuneiform, on clay tablets.

The Sumerians used the sexagesimal (base 60) counting system. Sexagesimal is, in many ways, a more sensible base for counting and dividing stuff up than the decimal system we use today. As the wikipedia entry so succinctly puts it:

The number 60, a superior highly composite number, has twelve factors, namely 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 12, 15, 20, 30, and 60, of which 2, 3, and 5 are prime numbers.

Given that the Sumerians basically wanted to count crops, divide them up and pay for them, sexagesimal made a great deal of sense. They also wanted to measure angles and stuff; these latter habits in sexagesimal became so deeply established in ancient times (the Greeks and Romans persevered with those aspects) that elements of sexagesimal have found their way into measures in our society still; 360 degrees to a circle, hence latterly 60 minutes to an hour, 60 seconds to a minute, etc.

Unlike the hotch-potch of currencies and translation rates known to have existed in medieval Europe, records indicate that Sumerian money was unequivocally denominated in terms linked with base 60. The basic monetary unit was the shekel. There were 60 shekels to the mina and sixty minas to the talent.

Not only did the Sumerians leave plenty of evidence of proto accountants, they also left evidence of proto lawyers. The Code of Ur-Nammu is the oldest known legal code, more than 4000 years old (c.2100 BC). Only some of this code survives, sadly. But those surviving passages include fines and compensation rates, which include the following:

If a man divorces his first-time wife, he shall pay (her) one mina (60 shekels) of silver.

If it is a (former) widow whom he divorces, he shall pay (her) half a mina (30 shekels) of silver.

If the man had slept with the widow without there having been any marriage contract, he need not pay any silver. (Love).

If a man commits a kidnapping, he is to be imprisoned and pay 15 shekels of silver.

We also know that the Sumerians (and their successor civilisation, the Babylonians) were very keen on games. Boards for the Royal Game Of Ur have been found dating back more than 4500 years. Some boards have been found with additional counters, believed to be evidence of gambling on the games.

The Royal Game Of Ur

The game is a proto-game closely related to chase games popular today, such as ludo and backgammon. Sumerians used several four-sided dice for this game. A rules tablet for the Royal Game Of Ur was discovered and translated in the early 1980s.

“So did the Sumerians play ball games?”, I hear you cry.

Yes, they did.

Unfortunately, we, as yet, have very little on record as to what those ball games might have been like.

But the Epic Of Gilgamesh, arguably the earliest surviving work of great literature, written more than 4000 years ago, has passages that allude to ball games at the start and end of the epic.

At the start of the epic story, Gilgamesh exhausts his male companions through the playing of ball games while exercising his droit du seigneur on the local female brides. He’s not a nice chap, that Gilgamesh.

The final part of the story (in some ways disconnected from the earlier parts) is known as Gilgamesh, Enkidu and the Netherworld. In this story, Gilgamesh’s ball and ball-playing implement (sometimes translated as a mallet) has found its way into the Netherworld. Enkidu, who is Gilgamesh’s companion and/or nemesis throughout the epic, descends into the netherworld to retrieve the ball game apparatus, with predictably epic results.

This last story is hauntingly similar to the medieval story about a hellish game of tennis at the beginning of Heiner Gillmeister’s tennis history. It is also achingly similar to folklore tales throughout the world. A fascinating academic paper on this topic, The Ball Game Motif in the Gilgamesh Tradition and International Folklore by Amar Annus and Mari Sarv, can be found on Researchgate through the preceding link. Many traditional folk stories have ball games as their plot triggers, including Persian direct descendants of the Gilgamesh legends and the Estonian stories described in the “Ball Game Motif” paper.

Conclusion: An Absence Of Claims But A Wealth of Interesting Stuff

Let me be clear about this; I am not claiming that the ancient Sumerians played tennis or even anything like it. The ball games played in Sumeria were probably more akin to hockey or polo. But while we don’t know exactly how they played ball games; we do know for sure that they played such things, with implements, to the extent that such artefacts were the subject of legend.

We also know for sure that the Sumerians counted, divided and used a monetary system in base 60. We know that Sumerian regulations used denominations of 15, 30 and 60 as compensation payments and fines. We also know that this very ancient civilisation not only played ball games but also board games using four-sided dice. We strongly suspect that they gambled.

We know that lawyers and accountants tend to get involved in games as guardians of the rules and as scorers. In more modern times, the MCC is a living example of that phenomenon (in the matters of cricket and tennis anyway) and has been so for several hundred years.

Me, marking, with Hampton Court abacus in hand

The Sumerians devised the abacus too.

One of the other truly intriguing things about the Sumerian civilisation is that we still have so much to discover about them. Only a fraction of the relics that are almost certainly preserved and buried there waiting to be discovered have yet been excavated from Southern Mesopotamia. So we (or our descendants) might yet learn some further fascinating details about Sumerian games and scoring systems.

But my main point in this piece is that legends, cultural mores and gaming traditions have a strange habit of surviving and/or re-emerging across centuries and millennia.

Our game, tennis, undoubtedly emerged in medieval times and evolved from there. The extent to which the scoring system was novel in the middle ages, based on the monetary system and gambling regulations, or was based on traditional counting and gaming conventions handed down across the centuries and millennia, is unknown and cannot be known. Such mysteries are part of the fun playing and observing a game so steeped in traditions and history.

Other Pieces On Tennis History

This piece is part one of four pieces. The other three pieces are:

Also, the following appendix to this piece, which explains why the third point is colloquially called as “forty” rather than “forty-five”:

At Odds With Janie Over Tennis, 14 June 2020

Janie and I have been back on the modern tennis court now for a month or so.

Real tennis, an indoor sport, is still a hope rather than an expectation in this time of Covid.

Anyway, Janie and I threw ourselves into playing modern tennis (or “lawners”, as some real tennis types call it) with abandon. Unfortunately, this switch from “nuffing” to “every day” did not seem to please Janie’s arm. I don’t suppose lugging heavy grub bags for FoodCycle has helped much either:

Anyway, point is, Janie is rehabilitating and we felt the game needed a bit of evening up while Janie’s arm gets better. I proposed using the handicapping system which we deploy as standard in real tennis. Janie, now steeped in the ways of real tennis, received the idea with alacrity.

Now, I know what some readers are thinking. “You can’t use the real tennis handicapping system for modern tennis”. “Doesn’t work”. “Serving whole games each messes up the system”.

I have heard all of those arguments before.

But here’s the thing.

In the very early days of modern tennis, the game was absolutely played on handicap, or “odds” as handicapping was known back then; to the same or arguably to a greater extent than in real tennis. And yes, the odds/handicaps work absolutely fine in modern tennis.

What’s a bisque?

We’ve had a lot of fun trying different handicaps. When the injury was still quite bad and Janie’s play unpredictable, we used moving (sliding) handicaps on a steep gradient. For example, Janie would receive 15 for the first game, but if she lost that game she’d receive 15 and I’d owe 15 (start on -15) for the next one. If she won that game we’d go back to receive 15, but if she ended up two games down we’d progress to receive 15/owe30 and so on.

Now that Janie is almost better, we’ve tried a fixed handicap of owe15, which comes close to evening up the odds. But we’re enjoying more using a shallow moving handicap, where we start at owe 15 and adjust by one notch if either of us wins two games in a row. So if I go two games up the handicap goes up to receive 15, if Janie wins two in a row in goes to level.

Anyway, it does mean that we have been having some really close matches and have both been enjoying the contest despite. Now that Janie’s arm is almost better, we might even start playing level again, although a little bit of moving handicap does keep the match tight even if one of us is not performing at our best for whatever reason. It might even become part of our regular playing conditions. For sure, playing one point at 40-40 enables us readily to progress through a whole set in the 50-55 minutes we now get due to the “social distancing dance” we need to do with the previous and subsequent court-users.

Meanwhile I have been fascinated by the research I have been doing into the history of the tennis scoring system and the use of odds/handicaps for many centuries. I have found a wealth of material on-line, including some wonderful old books written by some extraordinary old characters. Meet Eustace Miles, for example.

In short, I have discovered that several of the game’s creation myths are…frankly…myths.  Further, the reality is more messy, complicated and fascinating than many of the myths. I am planning three short pieces for the real tennis community on the following topics:

  • Ancient origins of the tennis scoring system;
  • Variety and evolution of tennis odds/handicaps – from esoteric to algorithmic;
  • 150 years of symbiosis in the development of real and modern tennis rules and odds/handicaps.

Catchy titles, huh? Watch this space, folks.

Folks?

Where’s everybody gone?

They must be in here somewhere!

Oh Joy – We’re Back On The Tennis Court, Boston Manor, 13 May 2020

Linda Massey pulled out all the stops to get us back on court day one of the Covid-19 partial unlocking . Thanks Linda.

I was the second person to log on and book, but while Alfred went for a leisurely 11:00 booking, the only slot we could do on a busy day of work, FoodCycle charity round and Virtual Glad performance (all to come) was 10:00.

So we were the first people back on court. Yah boo.

As you can see from the headline photo, I couldn’t even remember what to do with the tennis bag – I look utterly bewildered as indeed I was.

Court Two has not been vandalised – it has been decommissioned while social distancing remains in full force.

You can even tell from the pictures that Janie was up for it to a greater extent than me. She took the first set 6-2. I started to come back second set, leading 5-3 when it was time for us to leave.

Normally, of course, the next pair on need to drag us off the court kicking and screaming because we still want to play.

But on this occasion, due to social distancing, we politely yielded the court, donning gloves and wipes to ensure that the gate handle is kept as germ free as possible.

We saw several of the regular dog walkers who waved at us and we waved back. We even exchanged a few words at extreme distance which I’m sure is not a breach of the spirit or even the letter of the social distancing rules.

It really is great to be back on court at Boston Manor. Thanks again to Linda Massey for organising it so quickly.

Tennis The Covid Way In Noddyland, 23 March To 12 May 2020

This is an exciting moment in our tennis lives, as the Boston Manor courts are set to reopen after lockdown. Daisy and I are allowed to play again.

Have we merely been sitting on our bottoms biding our time? Have we heck.

When it seemed inevitable that lockdown was about to happen, I got ordering on-line, so a variety of tennis-oriented gizmos have been trickling through the system to us over the last couple of months.

The first manifestation of the “tennis ball on an elastic string” training device was not a great success. The base was fine, but the “string” was an elastic band and the ball seemed to be made of cardboard rather than vulcanised rubber.

It lasted about five minutes.

Fortunately I had already ordered some more robust-looking varieties which trickled through in early April. The depicted version is one of two we now have, using a proper elasticated string and balls that have some durability.

If you look carefully in the background of the above picture you can also see the other device I bought, which is far less fun but it helps you to work on technique. The ball is static but it won’t move the way you want it to move unless you apply, for example, top spin or cut properly.

Actually it is especially good for practicing cut. I’ll probably persevere with this device with my real tennis racket once we are back on the modern courts with the modern rackets. So my real tennis friends should watch out when (if) we get back onto the real tennis court.

As usual Daisy looks more elegant, stylish and (let’s be honest) balanced, even when playing with this elasticated string thing and its erratic bounce.

But it’s not all been about modern tennis in the back yard – dear me no.

We’ve played table tennis pretty much every day of lockdown and my game has improved quite a bit. Before lockdown, Janie was, for sure, better than me at table tennis and always had been.

By the end of lockdown, I think it is fair to say that we are playing level.

I filmed just over 11 minutes of our last match before the end of lockdown:

Unfortunately the camera runs out of film as the scores are about to draw level at 3-3 in the decider, so this film is only for aficionados of the game…well, not even for them, frankly.

Daisy and Ged might want to see it again in their dotage.

Some people might want to watch some of it for a laugh.

If by any chance there are Ogblog readers desperate to know how this match ended, we have a team of operatives standing by (Daisy and Ged) to provide personalised responses to e-mail requests, e.g. for the final score or even for a blow-by-blow account of the closing salvos.

World Miniature Table Tennis Championship: Ged v Daisy, Noddyland, 23 March 2020

Our World Is Getting Smaller With Covid-19

In the grander scheme of things, our sporting woes are small beer. But last week, on Tuesday, I played real tennis at Lord’s for the last time in a while. Earlier today we played lawners in an almost-empty Boston Manor Park, again probably on hold for some time, now that non-essential road travel is off the agenda.

The excesses of February seem a long time ago now:

Desperate times call for desperate measures. When socially distancing and only going out when necessary, we’ll need to exercise and play at home for a while. I have ordered some low cost, high value gizmondry for the purpose, which should be wending its way to us as I write…

…but in the meantime we dug out the little Butterfly miniature table tennis table:

Other brands and other outlets are no doubt available, but click the pic for an outlet

We bought ours for a mere score, perhaps a score or more years ago. We’ve only used it occasionally and always enjoyed ourselves when we have done so. It is very small and very frustrating to play…in a good way.

Daisy normally wins at table tennis and I think had always previously won at the miniature variety. The speed of reflexes and balance aspects of the game play to her strengths.

Yet, strangely, since I started playing real tennis, my table tennis results against Daisy have been getting better. Would that also apply to the miniature variety?

Only one way to find out. We agreed to play a proper match, i.e. a best of 5 games, in which each game is won by the first player to win 11 points, and be at least 2 points ahead of their opponent.

Let the games begin

The first game was an absolute humdinger, which Ged eventually won 21-19, after being 10-8 up and having far more game points than Daisy.

The second game Daisy won 11-9, keeping her nose in front pretty much all the way through that game.

Ged won the third game 11-7, in fairly dominant fashion after the first few points.

Then Ged took the lead in the fourth; at 8-5 up Ged thought he had Daisy staring down the barrel, but as so often at table tennis, the winning line seemed to evade Ged as Daisy slowly but surely turned the game around to win it 12-10.

So it was 2-2 going in to the final game. When Daisy went 4-3 up in the fifth, Ged even exclaimed…

…why do I always find a way to lose this stupid game?

…which, with the benefit of hindsight, is probably not the right way to project one’s confidence in winning at your opponent.

Still, despite that schoolboy error, Ged then managed a little run of points and then just about managed to keep his cool and his nose in front to win the final game and therefore the match 11-9.

What fun. Not quite the real thing, but better than nothing.

Chris Stanton: Absurdist & Realist, A Personal Tribute, 9 March 2020

With thanks to John Random for the 1992 pictures, such as the one above.

It was with great sadness, although not surprise, that I learnt, on 11 March, that Chris Stanton has died. He had been battling and eventually reconciling himself with terminal cancer for a couple of years. It was a fitting coincidence that I learnt of his demise, through the NewsRevue alum community (specifically, via Chris Rowe), as I came off the real tennis court at Lord’s.

I first met Chris at the Canal Cafe Theatre in the spring of 1992, when I started writing for NewsRevue and while Chris was performing in John Random’s Spring 1992 run of the show.

Chris Stanton was the very first professional performer to deliver my lyrics to a paying audience. A rather morbid number, entitled California Here I Go:

Not one of my best, but one of my first…and my goodness, a performer of Chris’s quality could make the most of whatever material he was given.

That cast: Sarah Swingler, Ian Angus Wilkie, Chris Stanton, Sonia Beck

Later that run, the cast, with Chris Stanton up front and exceptional, performed another of mine, You Can’t Hurry Trusts. A much better – indeed still relevant – lyric for a topical satirical review, though I say so myself:

Chris Stanton’s professional career continued to thrive and take off as the 1990s went on…as did mine of course, but his was a performing career whereas my career was a more conventional one. I saw little of him for 20 or so years after our involvement with NewsRevue waned, by the end of the 1990s.

Chris was reluctant to join us at Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners, although he did perhaps turn up once or twice in the early part of the 20th century.

Coincidentally, our paths crossed again some 20 years after Chris’s involvement with NewsRevue ceased, in 2016, when I took up real tennis at Lord’s and ran into Chris in the dedans gallery.

I, beginner.

Real tennis is a wonderful game, still played virtually unchanged since medieval times, ideal for those with a sense of comedy. As I said back in 2016:

real tennis is such a weird game, the rules could easily have emanated from a John Random sketch describing a fictitious game of John’s imagining.

Unless you are very gifted at the game (which I am not and Chris was only a little more gifted than me), you have to be prepared to look absurd at times, the game is so complex and confounding. Yet addictive.

I did write up my first on court encounter with Chris, en passant in 2016.

Real tennis players are sometimes referred to as “realists” but I think there is an “absurdist” element to it for us comedy types. I especially enjoyed saying, panto-style, “it’s behind you” to Chris, if he ended up (as oft we do) confounded by the eventual landing point of that hand-made, not-quite-round ball in that crazily-shaped court. Ironically, of course, Chris was doing a fair bit of panto in recent years, before he was taken ill.

We are a geeky lot too, so “the book” for real tennis scores is a global database that records the results of every match. Here is my head-2-head of recorded games with Chris; he will have given me handicap points in each of these matches; fewer as the years went on:

Final score: Stanton 3 matches to Harris 2 matches. I could have been a contender…

I didn’t know why I hadn’t seen Chris for a while – I thought he might just have been busy with work or off games with an injury – until I ran into him at Lord’s last summer on a test match day and he explained to me (with some surprise that I didn’t know) that he had lung cancer (one of the non-smoker varieties), was undergoing treatment but was probably just staving off the inevitable. By that time, Chris seemed reconciled, I’d even say at peace, with his fate. Certainly that was the way he presented me with the facts of the matter.

My last memory of spending time with him will be an abiding one and speaks volumes about the man. Towards the end of last summer, we had a 40th anniversary party for NewsRevue at the Canal Cafe Theatre. The event included the extant show and a “smoker” – the latter being a form of party we often had in the 1990s at which performers and writers would do party pieces for one another.

Chris rose to the challenge and asked to perform two of his favourite pieces at the piano: A Loan Again (by Ian Christiansen I think) and John Random’s wonderful 0898 song, the latter being a very witty, quickfire number – I hope John doesn’t mind me upping/linking his classic lyric.

Chris said to me, earlier in the evening, that he was worried that his lungs no longer had the capacity to carry him all the way through 0898 without a breather. I said that I was sure it wouldn’t matter if he did need a breather; we were a gathering of friends.

Of course, commensurate professional that he was, Chris somehow got through the song without missing a beat or pausing for breath once. It was a masterful performance, not least in the circumstances.

I don’t suppose my report of his tenacity comes as news to anyone who worked with Chris throughout his long and successful acting career, nor to anyone who did battle with him on the real tennis court.

In the language of real tennis, Chris was a “better than half a yard” sort of bloke; news of his demise has made me (and no doubt many others) feel “worse than the door”.

Or in the language of the stage, Chris Stanton was a stellar performer whose passing has temporarily made me feel wooden as I write.

But such super memories. Thank you, Chris Stanton.

Postscript: The Coincidence Magnifies

Within a day or so of posting this tribute, I learnt that Chris Rowe, the Newsrevue alum who notified us about Chris Stanton’s demise, is also a member of the MCC and also a real tennis enthusiast. Indeed, it was through Chris Rowe that Chris Stanton got involved with real tennis at Lord’s.

Here is a poster from the Newsrevue 1991 Edinburgh show, in which both of the gentlemen appeared:

Four Courts In 25 Hours; Boston Manor Centre Court, Lord’s Real Tennis Court, Royal Court Theatre & Boston Manor Court One, 8 & 9 February 2020

Saturday 8 Feburary, Janie and I went to Boston Manor for an early game of lawn tennis. It was a bit chilly but the sun was shining and the weather was set dreadful for the next couple of days.

So although I was due on court for a real tennis match that afternoon, we both needed some exercise and both fancied some of the outdoor variety.

We had a good game. I thought I played well and hoped my timing would be as good that afternoon as it had been that morning. In the end I think it was.

A quick scrub up and then off to Lord’s in Dumbo for the MCC v Dedanists match.

Parking Up Dumbo…Outside Moreton Morrell in this photo as it happens

The MCC v Dedanists match has been reported extensively on the Dedanists Society and MCC websites. Your truly has written the report. Here is a link to the Dedanists’ Society site.

Here is a link to a scrape of the report on The Dedanists’ site, which might be easier for you once my report is no longer headline news.

Here are some pictures. First up, the Captains:

Carl Snitcher in “thinker” pose
Sam Leigh keeping an eye on the guests, no doubt

Below are some of the spectators, rapt with attention, hanging on every shot:

Here’s me, John Thirlwell and my partner Martin Village (grabbing a coffee) as we came off court.

Here’s a link to all the stills that Janie took that day:

Janie took a few video clips, the first of which illustrates the famous Harris serve followed by the infamous Harris grunt…

…this next one shows some relatively classy play by our standards…

…and this next one includes my incisive calling, an all-time favourite string, “switch…up yours…well played”:

For the uninitiated, the phrase “up yours” is not a petulant expletive in the direction of one’s partner. Heaven forbid. “Up” indicates that the ball will land on the penthouse above the dedans gallery, thus telling one’s partner that there is no need to volley. “Yours” means that the ball, once it descends, is for one’s partner to play.

Considering that Martin and I had never even seen each other play before, let alone played together, I thought we got a lot more of that sort of stuff right than might have been expected.

I have scraped CCTV video evidence of the match highlights from all five of the rubbers, which can be seen in silence but glorious colour, through the following embedded links. We join Tony Friend & Paul Cattermull v Yuri Kugler & Julian Sheraton Davis in the second set with the score at 4-4:

We join Sam Leigh & Simon Martin v Simon Webster & Rodger Davis in the second set with the score at 3-3.

We join Giles Stogdon & Carl Snitcher v James McDermott & David Enticknap in the second set with the score at 2-3.

We join Peter Dean & Giles Pemberton v Johnny Saunders & Linda Sheraton Davis towards the end of the first set with the score at 4-4.

If you are a truly in search of passing some time (nearly an hour), you can watch both sets of the Sebastian Wood & John Thirlwell v Ian Harris & Martin Village match below.

As if that wasn’t enough drama for one day, Janie and I went on to the Royal Court to see All Of It after Lord’s. It was a wonderful 45 minutes of theatre, reported on here and below:

On Sunday morning the wind was howling at 40 mph plus and the weather forecast looked increasingly terrible. But the rain didn’t start first thing and Accuweather suggested that it wouldn’t rain until 11:00, so we decided to brave our regular 10:00 slot.

Just a little bit crazy – picture from some daftness a few years ago

Strangely, there was no-one else around in the park, apart from Linda Massey who was battening down the hatches of the pavilion.

Linda briefly came across to the tennis courts to tell us:

Ok, I am now officially declaring that you two are mad.

Strangely, once we got used to the wind, we had an exhilarating, fun although not exactly classic, game of lawners.

We played on Court One on Sunday, whereas we had played on Court Two (Centre Court) on Saturday. So those two, plus the Lord’s real tennis court and the Royal Court theatre add up to four courts in 25 hours.

Don’t tell Linda Massey, but we went back to Boston Manor Park again on Monday morning in similar weather – again no-one else around – and had another game of lawners. We’re not mad…we’re just a bit mad on tennis.

Tennis

Reporting On The Final Of The Ollis Cup, Lord’s, 17 December 2019

How did I get roped in to writing the match report for this great match? By the simple expedient of turning up to watch, that’s how.

Here is a link to the report as published on the MCC website.

I’m gutted that the powers that be declined my chosen headline:

Ollis Not Lost.

Pearls…pearls…

If by any chance the MCC website doesn’t let non-members into the tennis section, here is a scrape of the report, allowing Dedanists and other friends of tennis, Iain Harvey and/or James McDermott to read all about it.

Loadsa Real Tennis, Some Of It Me Playing At Lord’s, Then Some Really Real Tennis At Queen’s, 20 to 23 November 2019

20 November 2019 – Semi Final Of The HD Johns Cup

Dominic Flint and I qualified for the semi-final of the doubles in the Lord’s internal tournament for people of our grade.

Tony (left), Dominic (centre) & Yours Truly (right), at MURTC in spring

We’ve been practicing together a fair bit over the summer and autumn, and/but knew that we’d need to be at the top of our game for our fancied opponents; Gareth Zundel and Sebastian Wood.

We were quite excited to qualify for the semi-final. I haven’t played much competition sport since school, so this was my first semi-final since 1975. My 1975 fives semi-final did not go well; ironically on a day when England’s cricket semi also went sour

In short, I’ll have to wait a while longer before I win a semi. Dominic and I started poorly, losing the first four games. After that, we were in the hunt for the rest of the match, but it is a best of three set shootout, so when our opponents overcame our second set lead amd pipped us in the second set as well, that was that.

What do you mean, “you’d like to see the whole sorry affair pan out”? Surely not? What? Oh, Ok, then. It is just shy of an hour, so two parts:

I feel I learnt a lot from the process of getting to know each other’s games and working out a method as a pair. Dominic says he feels the same way, so I hope we get another opportunity to play a tournament together.

21 November 2019 – Club Night, Lord’s

The club has recently initiated a new idea, called club night, which is basically a turn up and play doubles evening with an element of eating and drinking for those who wish.

I love the idea and intend to be a regular attendee. But I was unable to make the first one, so wanted to make the effort to attend this second one, even though I wasn’t really up for the libations and dining side of it.

I got to play a couple of sets; early in the evening with some guys who were well above my pay grade; then latterly a really well-matched set which enabled me to reunite with James McDermott.

Me and James, at Hampton Court a few week’s earlier

In October I had briefly broken away from my partnership with Dominic to play a Dedanist’s representative match with James McDermott at Hampton Court – the first of three travelling matches in a report you may click here or below:

James was playing very well in that successful Hampton Court match and has subsequently gone on to great things – not least qualifying for the final of the WH Ollis (singles).

It was good fun to have another go at doubles with James, although this time we came out second best in the tightest of tight sets.

I’m aiming to try and make club nights from now on; including keeping the early morning afterwards free if possible.

22 November 2019, A Couple Of British Open Doubles Quarter-Finals Matches, The Queen’s Club

I was keen to see some of the British Open at Queen’s this year. I chose the Singles semi-finals day to take Janie (that’s tomorrow) but also thought I’d take in some of the doubles (now that I am making strides in that format).

So I took the afternoon out to watch a couple of the matches and then drive on to Noddyland.

Here’s the first match I watched:

Darren Long, who has looked after me so well when I have visited Manchester, was on the wrong side of this match – a not unexpected result in the circumstances.

Between the two matches I watched, i popped into the restaurant/bar for a snack and ran into Darren there. He introduced me to Ben Taylor-Matthews (Leamington) and we had a pleasant chat before he shot off to get his train back to Manchester.

The second match, which included Ben Taylor-Matthews, was a fair bit closer and went the way of my new found friend. He was partnering Bryn Sayers, who i know from Queen’s, so I suppose I was rooting for the favourites for once. You don’t really do much partisan rooting when watching real tennis – more admiration for good rests and great shots:

23 November 2019, The British Open Singles Semi-Finals Matches, The Queen’s Club

After our traditional game of lawners in the morning, Janie and I headed off to The Queen’s Club in time to have a pleasant brunch before watching the singles semi-finals.

I wanted to show Janie how the game really ought to be played – surely she had suffered enough watching me a few times.

As it turned out, although Janie has known many Queensistas in her time and had been with me to see lawn tennis at Queen’s, she’d never actually been in the main building before.

I think that might be the tennis court, there…

Of course we bumped into people we knew, not least Tony Friend, Robin Simpson and Brian Sharp.

Brian is probably asking me if I have got my handicap below 60 yet.

I promised to show Janie around a bit during the break between the two matches, which I did reasonably successfully.

The first semi-final was between Rob Fahey (current world champion, long-time world No 1, now world No 2) and my new friend Ben Taylor-Matthews:

Rob Fahey looking supremely confident
Ben Taylor-Matthews gathering himself

I thought Ben put up some strong resistance before eventually succumbing, but when I saw him briefly afterwards he said he’d been disappointed by his performance.

The second match was a little more one-sided. I don’t think anyone was going to beat Camden Riviere this year:

Chris Chapman sporting electric blue shoes
While Camden wore red and one back shoe; some sort of statement?

Janie really enjoyed her day at Queen’s and even took an interest, the next day, encouraging me to put the streaming on the TV so we could see the semi-finals of the doubles.

The Queen’s Club is a lovely place to visit and my it looked resplendent as we left, even in the rain:

A Real Nailbiter Of A Finish, MCC v MURTC, Lord’s, 13 November 2019

It’s not very often I play in a match that is determined by the very last point or the very last ball, especially in my favourite sports, tennis & cricket. Professional matches occasionally conjure up such a nailbiter – this year seems to have been a bit of a year for it

…and I did once, in 2005, play in a hugely exciting, tied charity cricket match that lives long in my memory:

…but I digress.

On arrrival at Lord’s for the 2019 MCC v MURTC fixture, I encountered Jonathan Ellis-Miller, one of the MCC regulars for this fixture, looking uncharcteristically glum. He was bemoaning the fact that MURTC had conjured up some big South African ringers for this match. I know all about this type of team selection, having been on the right and the wrong side of such shenanigans in charity cricket matches many times. Indeed the 2005 Tufty Stackpole fixture linked above had a Saffer ringer element and the 2006 rematch even more so – rare examples of the big Saffers being on my side for a change.

I’m digressing again.

In truth, Carl Snitcher and Catherine Hudson can only be described as Big Saffers by dint of their indisputably big personailities and their unfeasibly big tennis rackets. We’re not talking “85 mph bowling” or “move your car out of the boundary-side car park, possibly into the next village” type big Saffers.

Anyway, point is, Jonathan Ellis-Miller was probably suspecting that he would struggle to repeat his 2018 heroics when up against the combined forces of Carl Snitcher and Catherine Hudson, despite the nominally numerical advantages of his double, double-barrelled pairing with David Mitchell-Innes.

In 2018 it was Jonathan, combined with Jeremy Norman, who snatched victory from the very jaws of defeat in the fourth rubber – I think they were a set and 5-1 or 5-2 down, to level the fixture. That allowed me and Nick Evans to seal the unlikely deal with a 5th rubber win to take the match 3-2.

This year, Nick Evans was involved in the first rather than the last rubber of the fixture, partnering Richard Boys-Stones. These two were on court doing battle with Messrs Rivlin and Humphris when I arrived and had that gloomy conversation with Jonathan Ellis-Miller.

This time I have scraped the highlights (i.e. the endings) of the matches from the MCC CCTV feed. Here’s the last ten minutes of that first rubber:

Thus the MCC led 1-0 after the first rubber.

Jonathan Ellis-Miller’s sense of foreboding for the second rubber was not unwarranted, although the handicap system did its job in making for a very close contest, despite the large handicap.

While that contest was playing out, Peter Luck-Hille, who had kindly turned up to observe, remarked that he came along to watch to get away from all the politics. Then I thought Peter also suggested forming a Dedanists’ Party, which I think would be an excellent idea. I suggested the strap line:

The Dedanists’ Party – Where Politics Gets Real…

…which can be reduced to a micro-slogan: “Get Real”…

…but then learnt that Peter had actually suggested forming a Hedonists’ Party, not a Dedanists’ Party. Frankly, if Socialism doesn’t work because it takes up too many evenings, I cannot see how Hedonism as a political force might work; too many evenings, too many late nights, too many lazy days…get real.

Returning to the reality of the match, in my humble opinion, Carl and Catherine both played really well together that day and deserved their win in the circumstances. You’ll see Jonathan try to repeat the antics of 2018 with a late charge from the rear (as it were), only to fall agonisingly short in the end. I have started the video a few moments after some unrepeatable language – from whence it came who knows? – about 15 minutes from the conclusion of this rubber:

1-1 on the rubber count, at which point Dominic Flint and I took to the court to face Sharon Maidment and Sebastian Wood.

Sebastian, like Carl, is a member of both clubs and has previously represented the MCC in this fixture. This is very much the way in real tennis, although Janie tells me that I should describe these fellows, in no-nonsense terms, as traitors.

But then Janie’s judgment might not be ideal for this matter. I asked her where I should start the highlights cut on this rubber, to which she said:

I’m not sure I’d describe any of it as highlights…

…then, when Janie observed my crest-fallen facial expression, she said…

…what I meant was, all of that rubber is a highlight.

Now that makes sense. So here, split into two halves, is the entire 57 minute episode that was Rubber 3. Below the first reel…

…but I’d recommend the second reel for all but the completists amongst you, as it starts at 5-5 30-30 towards the end of the first set:

So, MCC led 2-1 as we went into the fourth rubber. That was a more one-sided affair as Sam Asgedom and John Harrington took full advantage of the handicap bestowed upon them by Paul Cattermull and Nick Davidson. Without detracting in any way from the performances of others, young Sam demonstrated how quickly young players can develop their skills beyond the progression of their handicaps – an impressive display. Here is the last few minutes of that rubber:

The calculating amongst the readership (if anyone remains this far down the page) will have gathered that the match was poised at 2-2 with one to play, as indeed it had been poised last year. But whereas last year’s deciding rubber proved to be a rather one-sided affair, with me and Nick Evans both conjuring our very best tennis, together, at the same time, for just enough time to get two sets done in a hurry…

…this year the 5th and deciding rubber proved to be an absolute cracker.

By this stage of the evening, the delicious soup, curry, cheese and the rather scrummy Malbec wine had all been taken away or had gone, but the stalwarts who remained to cheer on their heroes somehow managed to fortify themselves with a plentiful supply of Pinot Grigio which remained. Or, in my case, ahead of an early start the next day, water.

Steven Bishop and Rodger Davis, two vastly experienced gentlemen of the MCC, took on Stuart Kerr and David Offen, MURTC regulars who became regulars far more recently than the MCC regulars. The MCC won a tight first set 6-4. We join the match towrds the end of the second set, which, at this stage, MURTC seemed to be leading reasonably comfortably:

At the end of the second set, Mark Ryan, who marked the match with his usual expertise and impartiality, let anyone who was listening (i.e. those without sound-proofed boxes over their heads) that he thought the MCC should have finished the match off when they had the match point to do so. I think Mark wanted to go home and frankly, as he was the one who was working past 22:00 in the evening, who could blame him for expressing his disapointment.

But sport is sport and we were in for a humbinger of a deciding set, which starts at 3-3. For the non-artithmetical amongst the readership, that makes it a “best of five games” set rather than the regular “best of 11 games” set. For the ultra-observant of the video clip below, Mark, in his fury, had recorded the second set score on his gadget as 6-5 MCC rather than 6-5 MURTC. But everyone knew what the score really was.

As this was a handicap match, a set can go to 5-5 40-40 and be determioned by a single point, which is exactly what happened here. Further, that “one point” that determined the match became a chase, just to add to the excitement. It really was very exciting to watch.

Here’s the whole set:

It was a really splendid evening. Good company, good sport and an exciting ending to boot. MURTC might be disappointed to come away from such a match without a win, but, if you’ll forgive the cliche, tennis is the real winner when matches are as close, convivial and enjoyable as this one.

I seem to have become a regular component of fixtures between the MCC and Middlesex University Real Tennis Club (MURTC), several of which I have written up (click here for my MURTC tag). Strangely, I did not write up the November 2018 version of this fixture at the time, but I hope I have covered the 2018 match as best I can within this write up.

Anyway, I hope I am selected again – I always really enjoy these matches. There’s also something of the local derby about MCC v MURTC too which adds a certain frisson to the excellent company and good sporting combat…especially/even when the match goes tantalisingly down to the very last point.