Category: Work Life

The Day I Saw Slade & The Smiths At Keele, 10 January 1995

With profound apologies to lovers of 1970s & 1980s popular music who clicked this page under false pretences; I just couldn’t resist the headline. But I am talking about the day I went to Keele and met Dr Eddie Slade while seeing Professor Mike Smith for the first time. Later, I had dinner and stayed over with Mike Smith and Marianna, at their house in Church Plantation.

Professor Mike Smith, who sadly died suddenly, 12 November 2020

It happened like this. My business partner, Michael Mainelli, had worked with Mike when Michael first came to The British Isles in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Coincidentally, mostly while I was at Keele.

Michael and Mike had kept in touch. Mike Smith went on to become, in 1990, Professor of Health Informatics at Keele in the departments of Computer Science and Medicine. He concurrently held the position of Director of Information at North Staffordshire Health Authority.

Our business, The Z/Yen Group, was starting to thrive. I was looking after the civil society side of the practice and was starting to itch for bright resource, around the time that Mike was starting to look for opportunities to mix some fresh commercial activity in with his academic work.

Michael suggested that Mike and I meet. Knowing that Keele was my alma mater, Michael suspected that an excuse to stop off at Keele the next time I was heading north would be an attractive proposition for me.

So, between client appointments near Euston on the Tuesday morning and client appointments in Manchester on the Wednesday morning…

…Mike Smith said he would be delighted to see me on the Tuesday afternoon & evening, insisting that I should stay with him and Marianna at Church Plantation.

I think that first house might actually have been The Smiths’ house!

Mike also asked if there was anyone still at Keele that I would especially like to see, as he had time that afternoon to wander down memory lane with me.

I suggested Eddie Slade. I had seen most of the people who had taught me and were still active at Keele on earlier visits, but had not seen Eddie since my Education & Welfare sabbatical year, some 10 years earlier, when Eddie was Senior Tutor.

I recall that Mike didn’t rate our chances of getting in to see Eddie, commenting that he didn’t think he’d ever had an audience with the Director of Studies (as he was now titled).

But when I arrived at Keele, Mike told me that, to his surprise, Eddie had remembered me and said that he would like to have a meeting with both of us.

A recent (2020) picture of Eddie, borrowed from the Douglas MacMillan Hospice site, a wonderful cause

It was great swapping stories with Eddie from the distant past…9 to 10 years earlier. We’d not seen eye-to-eye over everything, but on the whole had got on very well and had worked together to resolve some “little difficulties”. Some of those tales might yet emerge in my write ups; some might best remain unwritten.

We also discussed how the Students’ Union had changed in those 10 years. I was delighted to learn that the Real Ale Bar was one of the union’s great commercial successes, as that had been one of our 1984/85 innovations.

I then asked what turned out to be a daft question about the television rooms. In our day, there had been three television rooms and the addition of a fourth TV channel (Channel 4) had caused some consternation. I asked Eddie how they regulate the television rooms now that there are multiple channels…

…Eddie laughed and explained to me that any student who wanted to watch television in the 1990s had their own TV. The former TV rooms had long since been repurposed.

With thanks to Mark Ellicott for this 2016 picture of the Students’ Union

After saying goodbye to Eddie, we had time for me to have a look around the Students’ Union, so I could see for myself the fate of the former TV rooms and far more besides.

This was also interesting for Mike, who confessed that he had never been in the Students’ Union building before, so it was my turn to give him a guided tour for the most part. It hadn’t changed all that much.

In 1995, there were still quite a few staff in the SU from my era. For sure Pat Borsky was there to be seen in the Print Room, for example; I think Barbara also.

Disappointingly, though, nobody said…

…”cards please”…

…as we entered the Union, although I did have my dog-eared life membership card with me, just in case.

Wally…where were you? Thanks to Mark Ellicott for this 1985 picture

Anyway, after having a good look around the union, we retreated to Church Plantation where I met Marianna for the first time, we three ate a hearty meal, enjoyed a wide-ranging conversation and the rest, as they say, is history. Mike and I worked together and became friends for 25 years, until his sudden death so sadly intervened.

I write this piece, the tale of how Mike and I first met, in late November 2020, just a couple of days before Mike’s funeral and just a couple of weeks since I wrote the personal tribute linked here and below.

A Personal Tribute To Professor Mike Smith, 12 November 2020

My First Flame, c. December 1994

Picture with kind permission of goodfreephotos.com – click here

7 May 2017 – I read the Facebook posting linked here, written by Justin Sutton, an old mate of mine from school, about the song Africa by Toto, which brought to the front of my mind the peculiar story of my first flame.

I don’t mean “my first flame” in the romance sense. Good heavens no. I was over 20 when Africa was released as a single, in my third year at Keele.

No, no, no, I mean my first internet flame.

I started using the internet in the second half of 1994, while setting up Z/Yen, primarily because I/we expected it eventually to be useful for business.

But there wasn’t much going on commercially on the net in those days, so, to get into the swing of using the net, I used it quite extensively for my personal interests. Not least, at that time, subscribing to some Usenet groups that I thought would help me with my development of comedy lyrics, including one where people simply discussed the lyrics of songs.

One correspondent on that lyrics group stated that Africa by Toto was their favourite lyric of all time. That posting made me recall the spring of 1983 and the way that my flatmate, Alan “The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman and I would mimic the line

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti,

which at the time we thought might be the most pretentious lyrical line ever, not least because it barely rhymes with “solitary company” and also barely scans the beat of the song. You sort of need to rush through that line like a broadside balladeer or a calypso singer with too much to say and not enough beats in which to say it.

I made these points about Africa by Toto on that Usenet group and then went about my business for the next 12 or perhaps even 24 hours, as was the dial-up method in those days.

When I returned to the group, I had been comprehensively flamed by the Africa-lover. Their beef was only partly a disagreement with my feelings about the lyric, which was understandable. It was primarily a character assassination suggesting that I was not qualified to discuss that lyric, on the basis that I had failed correctly to transcribe the line in question.

That line actually reads, “as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like a lepress above the Serengeti”,

explained the angry song-lover.

In those days, there was no Google or YouTube or Wikipedia or on-line repository of lyrics to turn to. But I couldn’t even work out what a “lepress” might be. Nor why anything other than “Olympus”  might make sense as the simile in question. I even spent a few minutes looking through the dictionary to see if there was a word which had slipped my mind, the feminine form of which might be lepress and make sense in context. The only word I could think of that might take the feminine form “lepress” was “leper”, which didn’t make sense to me in context.

I made these points on the Usenet group and then went about my business for the next 12 or perhaps even 24 hours.

When I returned to the group, I had been even more comprehensively flamed by the Africa-lover.

You know ******* well that a lepress is a female leopard. Don’t be so ******* insulting.

The flamer had also acquired one or two supporters who joined in the flaming, mostly on the grounds that they like the song, a view which I find fair and with which I have some sympathy. I also sort-of like the song; it’s just that one line that has always grated on me and was the source of our 1983 mirth.

But also, by now, I had acquired quite a few supporters, some of whom were supporting the logic of my specific argument about the lyric, while others were simply arguing that I was entitled to my opinion and that the purpose of the group was, after all, to debate lyrics.

I also received a private message with a plea from one of the group’s moderators, who told me that she felt that I had been unfairly flamed but asked me to post a conciliatory message to try to calm the group down. She was asking me to do this, she said, because she sensed that I was the more likely of the combatants to acquiesce to her request.

I thought about the moderator’s conciliation request, while also consulting my English and American dictionaries, to try to work out what a female leopard might actually be called. “A leopardess”, since you asked. I also listened to Africa by Toto again, just to see if I could detect anything other than “Olympus” in that line.

So I did post a conciliatory note.

I apologised to the original poster for my not liking the Africa lyric as much as they did. I apologised to any females or lepers who had been offended by my attempt to define the mystery word “lepress”. I asserted that the female leopard is a leopardess in both English and American usage. I suggested a compromise lyric, with neither Olympus nor lepress, which might just make sense and satisfy everyone’s sensibilities:

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like a left breast above the Serengeti.

I dialed-in to that group a couple more times over the next day or so to watch the flaming discussion peter out. Then I unsubscribed from that group.

Anyway, here is Africa by Toto with the lyrics shown in all their glory and accuracy on the screen.

The World Was Our Lobster, Dinner At Sandall Close With Michael, Elisabeth, Eli Wallitt & Eli’s Family, 18 December 1994

Z/Yen was a baby business that Christmas; it had just got started. I have reported Z/Yen’s origins in several pieces, not least the summer piece which included Michael’s and our race through the South of France to Eli Wallitt’s villa in our efforts to secure start-up funding:

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe Second Part: Mirie It Is While Sumer Ilast, Summer 1994

We were pretty sure the funding was secured and wanted to keep the funders, not least Eli, sweet.

Word was, Eli’s favourite dish was Lobster Thermidor. Janie, bless her, decided to invite Eli and his family and Michael and Elisabeth over for a Lobster Thermidor fest.

After all, how difficult can it possibly be to prepare Lobster Thermidor from first principles?

Reader, I am here to tell you that it is a heck of a lot of work to prepare Lobster Thermidor from first principles and it is really, really difficult to prepare Lobster Thermidor for seven people in a small domestic kitchen.

To add to the difficulties, I also prepared, for the same meal, my famous wonton soup from first principles in that small kitchen.

Before the soup

And to had to the hard work of it all, it transpired that Eli was one of those people who constantly needs to be entertained…like…constantly. Games, stories, food, drink…no quiet periods just savouring the moment.

Exhausted, post guests, some left over soup
Exhausted, post guests, some left over Lobster Thermidor

Twas the season of goodwill, a week before Christmas 1994, so we shall not report here Janie’s retrospective views on the subsequent debacle over Z/Yen’s start-up financing arrangements. Suffice it to say that Z/Yen survived it and thrived despite it. So we should, in a way, remain grateful to Z/Yen’s initial finance guarantors.

Z/Yen, The Very First Z/Yen Seasonal Song Lyric, 9 December & 16 December 1994

Traditions have to start somewhere; this was the first Z/Yen Seasonal party lyric.

I’d forgotten about this one until I found it in my electronic lyric archive, dated 9 December 1994. Reading the lyric brought it all back to me. I previously thought the lyric for the second seasonal party was the first lyric, probably because that is the earliest one that found its way to the Z/Yen web site. We’ll put that right soon enough.

We sang the following at the first ever seasonal gathering of Z/Yen, on 16 December 1994. We were at the Paris House, Woburn, same venue as the following year. A plaintiff little song; I rather like it. Very different in style and tone to later Z/Yen seasonal songs.

Elisabeth, Michael and Katie

We had a meeting and a Shareholders’ Agreement signing ceremony before dinner, although Michael couldn’t subscribe to Z/Yen until a couple of months later. I think he might be going through the Christmas card list in the photo above.

Steve at Paris House in 1994

Stuart subscribing, Janie in the background.

Z/YEN
(To the Tune of “Ben”)

VERSE 1

Z/Yen, the group of us need look no more,
We have founded what we’re looking for;
Tense, and some might say up tight,
We’re working half the night,
Because, my friends, you see,
We’ve got our Main-ell-i
(You’ve got your Mainelli).

From February……… allegedly…..

VERSE 2

Z/Yen, we’re always running here and there,
(Here and there),
That’s why we’ve all lost half of our hair,
(Half of your hair);
Then a project falls behind,
And we’re all hard to find,
But somehow, as you know,
We always make a go.
(The weekend tends to go).

MIDDLE EIGHT

We used to say, “we are bored”,
Now it’s “risk and reward”;
You used to seek dark and rest
Now it’s light, now it’s zest.

VERSE 3

Z/Yen, although we are still very small,
(Very small),
We can puff it up if we talk big,
(if you talk balls);
When, you learn the things we do,
You’ll all want to join too,
So, if we’d start again,
We’d still form a firm like Z/Yen.

Here is Michael Jackson singing Ben, with the lyrics on the screen:

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe Third Part: Windes Blast & Weder, Autumn 1994

Having planned to flee BDO Binder Hamlyn and its management consultancy when it was announced that Arthur Andersen would be taking it over…

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe First Part – Sumer Is Icomen In, Spring 1994

…and then having fled and started establishing Z/Yen…

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe Second Part: Mirie It Is While Sumer Ilast, Summer 1994

… there were times when I thought the business wouldn’t be ready to start trading on 1 October 1994. But of course we were able to open our sole door, to our sole room in Garrard House, 31-45 Gresham Street, on that prescribed day. No death in a ditch for me.

Click and look at the images for that address and you will see a grand City building, opposite Wax Chandler’s Hall, which at the time of writing has been home to Schroders plc for decades.

In the autumn of 1994, though, it was an old 1930’s building, in a state of some distress, which was about to be emptied for the purposes of a massive makeover for Schroders.

Nice address.

Mercifully, no pictures seem to survive on-line of the old Garrard House, nor of the single, pokey room that was, for about nine months, in 1994/1995, Z/Yen. Here and below is a link to a wonderful blog piece about the history of Gresham Street with some good photos which, again mercifully, miss out the 1930s to 1990s Garrard House:

Gresham Street And St. Lawrence Jewry

There were just five of us on the payroll that first autumn; Kate Carty, me, Stuart Otter, Steve Taylor and John Thompson. Michael Mainelli was with us, in spirit and informally, but technically Michael was unable to join the firm until February 1995.

Kate Carty got something akin to cabin fever in those early months, as so few of us went nigh nor by the place. Yet somehow Kate and Steve got it together during that early period of Z/Yen’s life, such that our tiny business of just six people; the other four of whom were attached, managed to yield an office romance and then marriage which, like Z/Yen, has endured to this day (as I write 25 years later).

Kate (standing) with Elisabeth and Michael
Steve

One abiding memory from that room is the day in early December when we needed to splurge on getting our first year’s Christmas cards out. We thought this to be a very important marketing campaign…

…in truth the Christmas cards was our only marketing campaign for the first year or so of our existence.

A rare occasion when several of us were in the room at the same time; me, Kate and John Thompson.

In the early days of a business, everyone needs to muck in for all tasks, including stuffing envelopes and labelling up Christmas cards…

…but John Thompson seemed a little reluctant for such menial tasks.

I said:

I must be the highest paid envelope-stuffer in the City right now.

John, a competitive fellow who was being paid considerably more than me at that time, immediately jumped up and exclaimed,

No, I am the highest paid envelope-stuffer in the City.

I was delighted to let JT win that debate.

Accountancy Age Awards, The Brewery (Chiswell Street), 9 November 1994

OK, perhaps it wasn’t THAT long ago.

In the annals of accountancy folk lore, 9 November 1994 will forever be an historic day, not that you would easily find a reference to it on-line…

…until now.

For that evening in 1994 was the very first Accountancy Age Awards, now operated as a separate venture by the looks of it and/or rebranded as the British Accountancy Awards.

And I was there.

Not just there, I was an honoured guest. For I had been one of the judges on one of the panels for that very first year of the Accountancy Awards. I had been on the judging panel for accounting systems, no less. Selected for the role while I still worked for Binder Hamlyn, although I had left to form Z/Yen in the meantime. Accountancy Age were told about the move but didn’t mind. Nor did Binders.

A few weeks or months earlier, while still at Binders.

According to my 1994 diary, I spent the afternoon of 13 September 1994 at the Accountancy Age offices. During those few hours, I and the rest of the panel “examined” several systems, to decide which were worthy of  awards. You can imagine just how methodical and scientific that judging process must have been.

It was my first experience on an awards judging panel and I learnt a lot that afternoon to stand me in good stead since, whenever I have subsequently sat on (or in some cases chaired) such panels… mostly I learnt how NOT to judge awards from the Accountancy Awards experience.

But on awards night itself the judging was all behind me. My hard work was done. My black tie outfit was donned. I think I might have still been hiring black tie gear back then. It looks from my diary as though I worked from home that day, thus avoiding the worst excesses of “black tie day misery”: lugging clobber around all day, knowing you’ll have to change into that tux in some smelly bog, early evening. Or, in many ways worse, wandering around town all day in black tie, explaining to each client in the morning and afternoon meetings that you are so darned busy with back-to-back meetings that you are already dressed for a pompous evening do.

I have two lingering but fitful memories from the evening. The first relates to Bob Monkhouse, who hosted the show. I remember discovering that Debbie Barham was writing gags for Bob Monkhouse when he did this kind of gig, by mentioning this event to Debbie at a NewsRevue writers meeting. Debbie was a young, supremely talented comedy writer, whose subsequent tragic story was posthumously written by her dad in this book – click here.

I cannot remember whether Debbie and I had that conversation about Bob before or after the event itself. I do remember that, once we’d had that conversation, I’d get occasional e-mails from Debbie (she, like me, was a relatively early e-mail adopter) asking me for background information, buzz phrases or just something for her to latch onto when she was writing patter for similar commercial events, usually for Monkhouse or another serial awards offender, such as Ned Sherrin or Rory Bremner. Little did I know at that time how obsessive Debbie’s work habits would become and how tragically her situation would end.

But on the Accountancy Awards evening itself, I recall finding Bob Monkhouse’s jokes rather predictable but very professionally served. As was the food.

My second memory relates to George Littlejohn. By good chance, I was placed next to George. He was also an honoured guest, in his case in the capacity of a former editor of Accountancy Age magazine. George had subsequently moved on to bigger and better things; yes that really is possible.

George is a most interesting chap with a very good sense of humour. The latter came in especially handy that evening. There is always something incongruous/pompous about awards ceremonies done “Oscars-style” for matters less glamorous and more mundane than the Oscars. Accountancy Awards, for example, are, in my opinion, just a tad less glamorous and a smidgen more mundane than Oscars.

Perhaps George Littlejohn remembers the evening differently; if so, I hope he chimes in with a comment or three. We’ve kept in touch all these years, our business interests overlapping occasionally, but in any case we always enjoy meeting up. I occasionally run into George at cultural events, as indeed I did on New Years Day 2017 at the Curzon Bloomsbury – click here – which triggered me to write up this 1994 event now.

I particularly recall the last award, Accountant of the Year, being delivered with extreme fanfare, won by a big-haired young woman. Her excellence as an accountant I couldn’t possibly question, but it seemed (to us at least) that she had primarily been chosen for the award because she would utterly look the part in the press photos. In any event, she rapidly got busy, kissing Bob Monkhouse spontaneously, looking elatedly happy and supremely excited about it all. Meanwhile, the flash guns went on firing and the thumping music went on blaring. George and I couldn’t stop giggling for quite some while.

Still, the event must have been a great success – it is still being held every year, at the same venue I believe – for sure it was again at The Brewery, Chiswell Street in 2016. The event even has its own website and strap line – click here.

Although I have no pictures to show you of the event from 1994, the good news is, Accountancy Age have put up an album of pictures from the 2016 event. I have to tell you that, apart from the absence of me, George Littlejohn and of course the late Bob Monkhouse, the photo album looks just how the event looked in 1994 – it’s an uncannily similar look – click here.

So perhaps it’s no surprise that there is no record on-line from the 1994 event; who needs it? As another great George, Santayana in this case, succinctly put it:

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

NewsRevue Plus VAT – Oy! – 12 October 1994 et. seq.

Seeing these documents made me laugh. In the first few weeks of establishing The Z/Yen Group, while we waited for incorporation documents to come through, we traded as me personally, then assigned the business to the corporation.

Rather unexpectedly, we sold so much business during those few weeks, I had to register for VAT in my own name for six months.

I wanted to make sure everything was above board, so I put absolutely all income through as VATable business, including my NewsRevue income.

I don’t suppose Harriet Quirk saw much in the way of writers’ VAT invoices, not that she really needed to do anything with them because it seems I sent them retrospectively on receipt of the dosh and just wore the VAT charge myself.

What a trooper.

Spot the royalty values going down in those early weeks/months of the new business – I guess I was concentrating on matters other than comedy too much.

INVOICE – FILE COPY
VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04

FAO Harriet Quirk             Date: 12 October 1994
News Revue                        Tax point: 1 October 1994
Canal Cafe Theatre
Delamere Terrace
London
W2

INVOICE TO: News Revue
ACCOUNT REF: NR01
INVOICE NO: 02005
In respect of songs and sundry patter for the News Revue show (known as Edinburgh run) during August 1994.
£

ROYALTIES 45.96
VAT @ 17.5% 8.04

————-
TOTAL £54.00
========
This amount has been received, with thanks.

 

INVOICE – FILE COPY
VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04

FAO Harriet Quirk                      Date: 24 October 1994
News Revue                                  Tax point: 24 October 1994
Canal Cafe Theatre
Delamere Terrace
London
W2

INVOICE TO: News Revue
ACCOUNT REF: NR01
INVOICE NO: 02006
In respect of songs and sundry patter for the News Revue show (known as Alex’s run) during early Autumn 1994.
£

ROYALTIES 32.34
VAT @ 17.5% 5.66

————-
TOTAL £38.00
========
This amount has been received, with thanks.

 

INVOICE – FILE COPY
VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04

FAO Harriet Quirk                         Date: 21 November 1994
News Revue                                    Tax point: 21 November 1994
Canal Cafe Theatre
Delamere Terrace
London
W2

INVOICE TO: News Revue
ACCOUNT REF: NR01
INVOICE NO: 02007

In respect of songs and sundry patter for the News Revue show (known as Kerry’s run) during Autumn 1994.
£

ROYALTIES 43.58
VAT @ 17.5% 7.62

————-
TOTAL £51.20
========
This amount has been received, with thanks.

 

INVOICE – FILE COPY
VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04

FAO Harriet Quirk                  Date: 9 January 1995
News Revue                             Tax point: 9 January 1995
Canal Cafe Theatre
Delamere Terrace
London
W2

INVOICE TO: News Revue
ACCOUNT REF: NR01
INVOICE NO: 02009

In respect of songs and sundry patter for the News Revue show (known as Robert’s run) end 1994.
£

ROYALTIES 15.49
VAT @ 17.5% 2.71

————-
TOTAL £18.20
========
This amount has been received, with thanks.

There was one more VAT invoice for NewsRevue in quarter one of 1995, before I deregistered from the VAT regime and never had to invoice NewsRevue again:

INVOICE – FILE COPY
VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04

FAO Harriet Quirk                          Date: 14 March 1995
News Revue                                     Tax point: 14 March 1995
Canal Cafe Theatre
Delamere Terrace
London
W2

INVOICE TO: News Revue
ACCOUNT REF: NR01
INVOICE NO: 02011

In respect of songs and sundry patter for the News Revue show (known as Christmas run) end 1994 and early 1995.
£

ROYALTIES 9.60
VAT @ 17.5% 1.68

————-
TOTAL £11.28
========
This amount has been received, with thanks.

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe Second Part: Mirie It Is While Sumer Ilast, Summer 1994

I left BDO at the beginning of August with a view to most of the others joining at the start of October 1994. Michael was not permitted to join until early 1995. So for seven or eight weeks, I was technically on my own, setting up Z/Yen.

In Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, there is a story about Golgafrinchans, a race of humanoid beings on another planet, who were the true ancestors of humanity. The Golgafrinchans divided their society into three distinct groups; thinkers, doers and middle-folk, the latter group of which were deemed useless and so were launched off into space, purportedly to be the advance party for a relocation of the entire society, but in reality to enable the thinkers and doers to stay put and thrive on their own planet.

Now I like to think of myself as part thinker, part doer, but there were times during that late summer when I wondered whether I has been launched as a Golgafrinchan-style advance party.

Not that I was entirely on my own. My diary shows an evening session with Michael on 9 August, which resulted in a massive “to do” list for establishing Z/Yen, “Z/Yen Notes”, available for inspection here.

In addition to the tasks on that list, I wrote an initial business plan, also available for inspection here. I also finished off several client assignments on an associate basis after leaving the old firm. My diary for those weeks looks ridiculous – it was a ludicrously busy time.

Example of a ludicrously busy week

It was hard to get businesses started in those days. It was impossible to find premises without 12 months or more trading record, but how were we supposed to get a trading record without space. Thank you, Nick Pickering of Rochester Partnership for helping us with space for that early part of Z/Yen’s life.

It was a similar “Catch 22” with start-up business finance in those days. Michael, Elisabeth, Janie and I took Z/Yen’s initial business plan to the South of France late August – we had to pitch it to our prospective external investors at Eli Wallitt’s villa in Saint-Cézaire-sur-Siagne, near Grasse.

Grasse rooftops

We all stayed in Nice at the Hotel Windsor. My financial records show that we ate one night at Le Farniente, which is still there 25 years later. We also ate at a place named Au Bistroquet which is harder to track down now.

I especially recall the convoy drive up to Saint-Cézaire; Michael and Janie had very different ideas on driving speeds on unfamiliar mountain roads in little hired cars from Avis; I expect it looked like a latter-day version of the car chase scenes in Monte Carlo or Bust!

OK, in truth these photos are of my parents’ visit to that same Provence-Alpes-Côte d’Azur part, in 1958.

That initial financing arrangement did not end at all well, but that debacle came later – part of Z/Yen’s Book of Exodus – whereas this promordyall chronique is Z/Yen’s book of Genesis.

I did still find time for writing some silly stuff. There was a leaving do for several people on 30 August at Corney and Barrow. In fact, I think, technically, that was my leaving do as well. I’d had an informal, smaller gathering of friends at the same venue on 12 August at my own expense, but I think the 30 August thing was laid on by the firm. I produced a handout for the evening, which I think went down well.

The Secret Diary Of Adrian Burn Aged 49 3/4, A Spoof Produced For A BDO Consulting Multiple Leaving Do, 30 August 1994

I do also recall around that time some farcical conversations with the Companies House people, who struggled to register our little group of companies because different departments, that didn’t speak with each other, dealt with holding companies and subsidiary companies. The holding companies got bounced because they didn’t have subsidiaries, while the subsidiaries got registered to (at the time) non-existent holding companies. Technically speaking, this might mean that Z/Yen has never has existed at all; an intriguing thought.

Mark Lewis was a Welsh gentleman at Companies House, not my old friend Mark Lewis, latterly a famous media lawyer.
Another typical, ludicrous example of my activities in a single week

At several points, I thought the business wouldn’t be ready to start trading on 1 October 1994, but of course we were able to open our doors (or I should say one door, for one room in Gresham Street) that day.

The Secret Diary Of Adrian Burn Aged 49 3/4, A Spoof Produced For A BDO Consulting Multiple Leaving Do, 30 August 1994

I wrote the quoted pieces below for sharing at a leaving do for several BDO Consulting folk who were leaving BDO Binder Hamlyn, including me, although i had technically left the firm at the beginning of that month.

The background to this spoof of The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole might be gleaned from the first part of The Z/Yen Story – click here or below:

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe First Part – Sumer Is Icomen In, Spring 1994

In short, my firm, BDO Binder Hamlyn, was to be taken over by Arthur Andersen. I didn’t think the latter firm would appreciate my hair style.

Adrian Burn was the Managing Partner of BDO Binder Hamlyn. The character Pandoreuss is Elisabeth Reuss, now Elisabeth Mainelli, who was Adrian’s personal assistant.

Enough background:

THE SECRET DIARY OF ADRIAN BURN AGED 49 3/4 by SUSAN TOWNSLEY-WHITT
 

Tuesday 22 March 1994 
 
I received a visit from a Mr Waddia, a most helpful gentleman from another leading firm of accountants like mine, except his firm is named Arthur Andersen. Mr Waddia is the most important man in Arthur Andersen and he said that he would pay a lot of money for a merger with Binder Hamlyn. He would give several Binder Hamlyn partners (including me!) equity in the merged firm and everyone would be happy. It sounded almost too good to be true, but I asked my friends James, David and John and they all said it sounded simply super and we should go for it. It’s a deal! Hurrah!
 
Monday 28 March 1994 
 
I’m not very pleased today. The Sunday Times has spilled the beans on my splendid deal and lots of my junior partners have quite clearly failed to understand the benefits of the arrangement. I found some of their comments most unhelpful. I had to spend the whole day going round 20 Old Bailey explaining to all those junior partners and their staff oiks that the Andersen’s thing would be good for everybody and no-one would get fired (except for all the people that Mr Waddia told me I would have had to fire anyway). I am now in a foul mood and shall go off and investigate a bit of Queens Moat tomorrow to make myself feel better.
 
Wednesday 30 March 1994 
 
One of my less astute junior partners who is not really my friend, William Casey, turned up in my office today. He had a sun tan and said he had been in Africa on consultancy business (I think that is what he does) until today and had only just got the news. He said that Andersens wouldn’t want a consultancy practice because they already have a big one and what was I going to do about it. I explained the bit about no-one getting fired and several partners getting equity in Andersen’s and he went away looking much happier. I asked my adorable secretary, Pandoreuss, what she thought of it all and she just said “Dumkopf”. I asked my friend Richard what this means and he said it is a compliment a German person gives to you when they think you have done a clever thing. Oh Pandoreuss! I really didn’t know you cared!
 
Monday 22 April 1994
 
I’m a bit miffed today. Mr Waddia says that he will have to pay millions of pounds to BDO so that he can buy Binder Hamlyn. “I hope you’re not expecting much cash or many equity partners, Adam, or else your going to be disappointed”, he said, “and you’d better get rid of a heap of your dead wood partners and managers PDQ”. I didn’t find those comments particularly helpful. I went off to close down a bit more of Queens Moat which took my mind off and made me feel a bit better.
 
Thursday 26 May 1994 
 
Not a very good day. Mr Waddia has spoken to Mr Hall and apparently only two Binder Hamlyn partners will be allowed equity in Arthur Andersen. Fortunately one of them is me (hurrah) and the other is my friend James. Mr Hall has also told Mr Waddia that by the time they have paid BDO to let Binder Hamlyn out, Arthur Andersen can only afford £2.54 for Binder Hamlyn. “I thought you were the most important man in Arthur Andersen, Mr Waddia”, I said. “I am”, he replied, “in Arthur Andersen UK. Mr Hall is the most important man in Andersen Consulting UK. He is a more most important man than I am”. I think I understand. I told Pandoreuss and she just said “du bist ein schtick fleisch” which my friend Richard tells me means that I am a first class negotiator. Oh Pandoreuss! One day you will be mine!
 
Wednesday 10 August 1994 
 
I am not very pleased. Mr Waddia tells me that Mr Burgess has told him that my consultancy cannot call itself a consultancy because only his (Mr Burgess’s) consultancy is allowed to do that. “I thought Mr Hall was the most important man in Andersens”, I said. “He is”, replied Mr Waddia, “in Andersen Consulting UK. Mr Burgess is the most important man in Andersen Consulting Worldwide. Mr Burgess is a more most important man than Mr Hall”. These people really ought to sort themselves out! William (who is not really my friend) went up the wall when I told him. I said that he could revive the incredibly successful former name, Binder Hamlyn Small Fry and he went away seeming happy. These consultancy (sorry, small fry) types just need a few kind words and they are all motivated, networking and selling work like crazy. William must have done a great job after he saw me today, because three strangers called me asking me to give personal references for William. Pandoreuss told me that William “ist ein schlemiel”, which apparently means good salesman. I went off and investigated a bit more of Queens Moat.
 
Tuesday 30 August 1994 
 
I decided to stand up to Mr Waddia. I told him that I was not happy about having to sack 10 of my equity partners and a whole group of managers after all that we had been through together. “Heck, Adam”, he said. “Adrian”, I corrected (I can stick up for myself you know). “I know how you feel, Adrian. I am going to have to sack two of my equity partners in a few months time so I know how uncomfortable you feel.” His words made me feel a lot better (they have a superb manner, these big six types, although we’re more than a match for them, yes indeed). Mr Waddia continued “perhaps you could give me a few tips on how to go about sacking equity partners, I’ve never had to do it before”. It’s good to see that we are already starting to influence the Arthur Andersen Worldwide Organisation.
 
NEXT WEEK:  Adrian Burn, the Wilderness Years.

In addition, I circulated the following “song list”:


AND NOW:  Adrian Burn’s top five favourite records of all time.
 
 
1) A medley of songs from the musical “Half Binders Andersen”, including:
 
* We’re Half Binders Andersen, we’ve many accounts to sell;
* Lynchworm, lynchworm, measuring the office space;
* Wonderful, wonderful, old Chicago, centre of Andersen’s style;
* There Once Was an Ugly Merging;
* No two businesses ever we’re so unlike;
* Fumble Binders, fumble Binders, tiny little thing;
* We’re signing on the dole together, the dole together, the dole together, we’re altogether redundant as a pubic hair in soap.
   
2) Arthur’s, We Love You (the paranoid Android song) c/w You’re in the army now.
   
3) Routs and Mergers, routs and mergers, soon consultancy will work for Burgess, Binder Hamlyn’s over, cos this merger is a takeover.
   
4) Arthur’s theme “When you get going between the dole and new employment”.
   
5) Binder’s is merging in the autumn, ding dong lets hope it will survive; Arthur’s no vulture, it’s just a strong culture, so change the way you work, just change the way you work, for gawd’s sake change the way you work in time.

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe First Part – Sumer Is Icomen In, Spring 1994

At Binder Hamlyn (BDO Consulting), 20 Old Bailey

My earliest diary note of the events that actually led to Z/Yen are in the week of 28 March 1994, which has a 9:30 call with Michael Mainelli that day and the evening of 30 March booked out “MRM” (that’s Michael) for a Park Inn Chinese meal, at my place, organised at short notice.

It was on 28 March that the rumour broke in the press that Arthur Andersen was in the process of taking over our firm, BDO Binder Hamlyn. Our part of the firm at that time was known as BDO Consulting. 

My memory records a couple of “two bottles of wine” evenings with Michael, but actually I don’t think 30 March was one of those. I think the first “two bottles” evening was a couple of weeks later, after a consultancy team meeting at which it became clear that the so-called “merger” was going ahead and that the consultancy was going with it.

I’m pretty sure that we ate and drank in a place along Craven Road, near to Michael’s place. Spanish, I think, but possibly Italian – I think now Il Gusto.

The date of the “two bottles of Rioja” evening during which the name Z/Yen emerged is lost in the mists of time, but I am guessing late spring and I specifically recall the name emerging towards the end of another Park Inn Chinese meal at my flat. By that time we had colleagues Stuart Otter, Steve Taylor and Kate Carty lined up to join the new venture, together with the elusive John Thompson, who had been a client of Michael’s. No-one was entirely comfortable with the name Z/Yen, but when we challenged everyone (including ourselves) to suggest something better, answer there came none.

So Z/Yen it was.