Tag: Canal Cafe Theatre

A Tribute To Mike Hodd, Founder Of NewsRevue, September 2022

Mike Hodd – photo by John Burns (Random), taken in 2010 at an Ivan Shakespeare Dinner at Cafe Rouge, Maida Vale

Since 1992, NewsRevue has been part of my life. For the first several years, in the 1990s, as a writer for (and regular attender at) the show. Latterly, through the enduring friendships and sense that “NewsRevue Writing Alum” is an integral part of my identity.

I explained much of this in a piece I wrote three years ago for the 40th anniversary of the show:

NewsRevue 40th Anniversary Party, Show & Smoker, Canal Cafe Theatre, 18 August 2019

I, together with countless others who have been involved with the show over the decades, owe a huge debt of gratitude to Mike Hodd, who died on 19 September 2022.

Mike Hodd was one of the founders of NewsRevue in 1979. But Mike’s role went way beyond founding. By the time I came along, 12 and a half years later, Mike wrote little if anything for the show himself. But Mike was a regular presence as a mentor and friend to those who were or had been involved with the show.

Mike gave me lots of encouragement when I first started writing for NewsRevue. Also beyond those early months. I especially remember Mike heaping praise on one of my songs, about Bill Clinton and his priapic nature:

Billy You Ain’t No Hero, NewsRevue Lyric, 17 January 1994

I also remember Mike telling me that the above lyric reminded him of one of his own, presumably about some earlier licentious politician, which Mike had written to the tune of Son Of Hickory Holler’s Tramp by O C Smith. I recall Mike’s delight when I told him that I was familiar with that track and thought it suitable for such a song.

If anyone out there by chance has a copy of Mike’s “Hickory Holler’s Tramp” lyric, I (and no doubt many other NewsRevueistas) would love to see it.

John Random and I are currently excavating the Chris Stanton NewsRevue script archive. So far we have only recovered one “original Hodd” which i replicate below.

Just in case anyone reading this doesn’t remember the Karin B incident from 1988, it was an Italian barge loaded with hazardous waste bound for Nigeria, perceived by the public, once word of the practice leaked out, as a dodgy idea commercially, morally and environmentally.

Which brings me on to the other side of Mike Hodd, which was his actual career as a Professorial expert on development economics and the economics of corruption. Mike wore his incisive intelligence lightly and politely when discussing any topic, even those upon which he was an expert.

After I and my “NewsRevue Class of ’92” cohort stopped writing, we continued meeting up regularly for Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners, which Mike Hodd would quite often join.

Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner, Café Rouge Maida Vale, 5 March 2009

Thus Mike became a mentor in ways other than comedy. Indeed, in the correspondence following the above 2009 gathering, Random described him as Mike “MaHoddma” Ghandi.

Mike was exceptionally generous in his mentoring. When I mentioned in passing in late 2005 that Janie and I would be going to Ethiopia on holiday soon, Mike asked me if I had read Remote People by Evelyn Waugh, which at that time I had not. The next time I saw Mike, he slipped a copy into my hand.

Thanks to Mike, a proud possession which I read avidly then and at times dip into still

Another example – when I saw Mike after my own “economics plus” effort, The Price Of Fish, was published in 2011, Mike quietly commended the book and told me that he had bought multiple copies of it to give away to his friends.

Still available at all good bookshops…probably at bad bookshops too.

That was Mike.

Almost everyone who knew him reasonably well has a favourite anecdote about Mike, but there tends to be a common theme to those stories. Mike’s warmth, generosity, intelligence, sense of humour and ability to laugh at himself clearly shines through.

The last time I saw Mike was at that previously-mentioned Newsrevue 40th Anniversary event, at which he delivered a coupe of comedic pieces, including a stand-up routine making comedy out of his own Parkinson’s condition. Brave comedy, delivered without self pity and with supreme comedic timing. A fitting memory of Mike Hodd.

Remembering Gerry Goddin, Comedy Writer & Man Of Mystery, Who Died 10 August 2020

Gerry Goddin At Cafe Rouge Clifton Gardens, February 2010. Photograph courtesy of John Random

2020 has been a truly rotten year, existentially, for the community of NewsRevue comedy writers, performers and directors that I befriended nearly 30 years ago when I started writing for that show in 1992.

In January, we lost Nick R Thomas…

A Brief & Personal Tribute To Nick R Thomas, Who Died On 10 January 2020

…then, in March, Chris Stanton died…

Chris Stanton: Absurdist & Realist, A Personal Tribute, 9 March 2020

…and now, sadly, Gerry Goddin has also died.

I started writing for NewsRevue in order to become a comedy writer, not an obiturist. WILL YOU PLEASE STOP DYING, YOU LOT? IT’S NOT FUNNY.

Gerry tended to write gags and quickies more than sketches and songs. He was, for example, a regular contributor to The News Huddlines on Radio 2.

I have raided “The Stanton Files” and uncovered a couple of Gerry’s pieces. Here’s one of his quickies:

A quintessential Gerry Goddin quickie.

The “unfortunate” politician being lampooned was Hartley Booth, who had resigned his upwardly-mobile position in the light of suggestions that he had an affair with one of his researchers in early 1994. The commercial being parodied was the J.R.Hartley advert for The Yellow Pages:

I think Gerry wrote rather a lot of parodies of that advert – certainly NewsRevue had no shortage of such gags on a regular basis in the 1990s.

It was a moving moment, finding that sketch in Chris Stanton’s spring 1994 file. I can visualise Chris performing that quickie, using the voice that he went on, years later, to immortalise in his role as headmaster Mr Flatley in MI High:

But I digress, slightly.

I think of Gerry as having been around and about at NewsRevue from my earliest days there, in 1992. But I don’t see his name on the very earliest running orders I can find.

I have a feeling, digging deep into my memory, that Gerry was a relative novice comedy writer around the time that I got started and that he perceived us as people who were at a similar stage, starting down that road at a similar time.

What all this makes me realise, of course, is that although I have known Gerry for a long time and have probably spent more time in his company than I spent with any of the other deceased NewsRevue folk I have been writing about lately, I hardly knew Gerry at all.

It seems that none of us really knew Gerry.

He seems to have no next of kin. He seems to have abstained from talking to any of us about his life prior to comedy writing in the early 1990s…

…which makes the first 40+ years of his life a bit of a mystery to us all.

I think he once mentioned to me that he had Irish roots. I know that he had been a heavy smoker and recall that he was addicted to (prescription) nicotine chewing gum when I first met him. I think he might have had struggles with drink at one time; I don’t think he drank at all during the years I knew him.

I know that he lived in Ealing for a long while and ended up living in Northolt at the end of his days. I knew he lived in Ealing because, about three months after I met Janie, a small group of us, including Gerry, took our lives into our own hands by going to see Ben Murphy at Up The Creek in November 1992 – Janie and I ended up dropping Gerry off in Ealing afterwards, not too far from Janie’s place.

Up The Creek With Janie & Annalisa & Gerry Goddin But Without A Paddle, To See Ben Murphy, 28 November 1992

But Gerry did have glory periods for NewsRevue – some directors liked his material more than others – and at times Gerry was more prolific with material than at other times. Here is a running order from 1995, rich with Goddin material.

Sadly most of Gerry’s archive is probably lost to posterity, unless the Random archive (which I hope we will examine antemortem) yields more fruit than the Stanton archive did.

But I did find one more Goddin sketch in the Stanton files – written jointly with Brian Clover, Spring 1995:

A lot of Tory ministers must have been resigning at that time

After our 1990s NewsRevue era, Gerry became a stalwart of our periodic Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners, which started soon after Ivan’s untimely demise in 2000. I describe those dinners (and Gerry’s fairly regular role in them) in the second of three events in the piece you’ll find by clicking here. We were going to have a 20th anniversary “Ivan” this spring, but of course that wasn’t to be.

While not being forthcoming about himself, Gerry was nevertheless always keen to put people together and encourage collaboration. It was through Gerry that I met Helen Baker; Janie and I enjoyed many hugely pleasant evenings in her company and in the company of her wine tasting pals. At one of those (the last we attended, as it happens) Gerry put in a surprise appearance as guest impresario/songwriter of a musical piece intended for Eurovision – click here or below:

Mousse Wine Tasting Of Syrah Wines Plus Gerry Goddin’s Unexpected Foray Into the World Of Eurovision, 2 November 2016

So Gerry wrote serious songs too. Who knew? Well, that charming gang at The Cabin knew. Perhaps they didn’t know that Gerry wrote for NewsRevue and The News Huddlines.

I don’t suppose that any of us really knew Gerry. I don’t suppose that Gerry wanted any of us really to know. Which is infuriating in a way…and sort of funny…and sort of sad…

…yet my life was enriched by having known Gerry. The world is at least one line shorter…or do I mean shorter of one-liners?…now Gerry has gone.

Gerry Goddin.

Chris Stanton: Absurdist & Realist, A Personal Tribute, 9 March 2020

With thanks to John Random for the 1992 pictures, such as the one above.

It was with great sadness, although not surprise, that I learnt, on 11 March, that Chris Stanton has died. He had been battling and eventually reconciling himself with terminal cancer for a couple of years. It was a fitting coincidence that I learnt of his demise, through the NewsRevue alum community (specifically, via Chris Rowe), as I came off the real tennis court at Lord’s.

I first met Chris at the Canal Cafe Theatre in the spring of 1992, when I started writing for NewsRevue and while Chris was performing in John Random’s Spring 1992 run of the show.

Chris Stanton was the very first professional performer to deliver my lyrics to a paying audience. A rather morbid number, entitled California Here I Go:

California Here I Go, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 April 1992

Not one of my best, but one of my first…and my goodness, a performer of Chris’s quality could make the most of whatever material he was given.

That cast: Sarah Swingler, Ian Angus Wilkie, Chris Stanton, Sonia Beck

Later that run, the cast, with Chris Stanton up front and exceptional, performed another of mine, You Can’t Hurry Trusts. A much better – indeed still relevant – lyric for a topical satirical review, though I say so myself:

You Can’t Hurry Trusts, NewsRevue Lyric, 7 May 1992

Chris Stanton’s professional career continued to thrive and take off as the 1990s went on…as did mine of course, but his was a performing career whereas my career was a more conventional one. I saw little of him for 20 or so years after our involvement with NewsRevue waned, by the end of the 1990s.

Chris was reluctant to join us at Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners, although he did perhaps turn up once or twice in the early part of the 20th century.

Coincidentally, our paths crossed again some 20 years after Chris’s involvement with NewsRevue ceased, in 2016, when I took up real tennis at Lord’s and ran into Chris in the dedans gallery.

I, beginner.

Real tennis is a wonderful game, still played virtually unchanged since medieval times, ideal for those with a sense of comedy. As I said back in 2016:

real tennis is such a weird game, the rules could easily have emanated from a John Random sketch describing a fictitious game of John’s imagining.

Unless you are very gifted at the game (which I am not and Chris was only a little more gifted than me), you have to be prepared to look absurd at times, the game is so complex and confounding. Yet addictive.

I did write up my first on court encounter with Chris, en passant in 2016.

Real tennis players are sometimes referred to as “realists” but I think there is an “absurdist” element to it for us comedy types. I especially enjoyed saying, panto-style, “it’s behind you” to Chris, if he ended up (as oft we do) confounded by the eventual landing point of that hand-made, not-quite-round ball in that crazily-shaped court. Ironically, of course, Chris was doing a fair bit of panto in recent years, before he was taken ill.

We are a geeky lot too, so “the book” for real tennis scores is a global database that records the results of every match. Here is my head-2-head of recorded games with Chris; he will have given me handicap points in each of these matches; fewer as the years went on:

Final score: Stanton 3 matches to Harris 2 matches. I could have been a contender…

I didn’t know why I hadn’t seen Chris for a while – I thought he might just have been busy with work or off games with an injury – until I ran into him at Lord’s last summer on a test match day and he explained to me (with some surprise that I didn’t know) that he had lung cancer (one of the non-smoker varieties), was undergoing treatment but was probably just staving off the inevitable. By that time, Chris seemed reconciled, I’d even say at peace, with his fate. Certainly that was the way he presented me with the facts of the matter.

My last memory of spending time with him will be an abiding one and speaks volumes about the man. Towards the end of last summer, we had a 40th anniversary party for NewsRevue at the Canal Cafe Theatre. The event included the extant show and a “smoker” – the latter being a form of party we often had in the 1990s at which performers and writers would do party pieces for one another.

Chris rose to the challenge and asked to perform two of his favourite pieces at the piano: A Loan Again (by Ian Christiansen I think) and John Random’s wonderful 0898 song, the latter being a very witty, quickfire number – I hope John doesn’t mind me upping/linking his classic lyric.

Chris said to me, earlier in the evening, that he was worried that his lungs no longer had the capacity to carry him all the way through 0898 without a breather. I said that I was sure it wouldn’t matter if he did need a breather; we were a gathering of friends.

Of course, commensurate professional that he was, Chris somehow got through the song without missing a beat or pausing for breath once. It was a masterful performance, not least in the circumstances.

NewsRevue 40th Anniversary Party, Show & Smoker, Canal Cafe Theatre, 18 August 2019

I don’t suppose my report of his tenacity comes as news to anyone who worked with Chris throughout his long and successful acting career, nor to anyone who did battle with him on the real tennis court.

In the language of real tennis, Chris was a “better than half a yard” sort of bloke; news of his demise has made me (and no doubt many others) feel “worse than the door”.

Or in the language of the stage, Chris Stanton was a stellar performer whose passing has temporarily made me feel wooden as I write.

But such super memories. Thank you, Chris Stanton.

Postscript: The Coincidence Magnifies

Within a day or so of posting this tribute, I learnt that Chris Rowe, the Newsrevue alum who notified us about Chris Stanton’s demise, is also a member of the MCC and also a real tennis enthusiast. Indeed, it was through Chris Rowe that Chris Stanton got involved with real tennis at Lord’s.

Here is a poster from the Newsrevue 1991 Edinburgh show, in which both of the gentlemen appeared:

A Brief & Personal Tribute To Nick R Thomas, Who Died On 10 January 2020

This piece is a response to the news that Nick R Thomas has died. It culminates with two personal memories, including a sound file of one of my favourite Nick R Thomas comedy pieces.

The above photo is borrowed from Nick R Thomas’s Facebook account; his own choice of signature image.

I met Nick in 1992, when I first started writing for NewsRevue. He was a seasoned comedy writer by then, having been writing News Huddlines, Week Ending and various other stuff of that kind for a couple of years.

Like many of the regular NewsRevue writers at that time, Nick encouraged me and other keen amateurs when we joined the NewsRevue pack. Many of us got involved at that time or, as I think was the case with Nick R Thomas, cemented that collaborative writers friendship around NewsRevue in the early 1990s. We started to describe ourselves as “the class of ’92”.

Most of us had become less actively involved with NewsRevue by the turn of the century, but kept in touch with each other through occasional dinners known as Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners, in honour of the first of our cohort to pass.

Although Nick R Thomas had moved to Bournemouth, he was for some time one of the more regular attendees at those dinners and was great company at those, presumably taking an infeasibly late train home quite often or occasionally staying up in London to join us.

I think the last of his visits to one of those dinners was in October 2017, which was a special Class of ’92 gathering to review old material…

Class Of ’92 Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner, Café Rouge Holborn, 5 October 2017

Sadly, Nick was not well enough to join the NewsRevue 40th Anniversary party last year:

NewsRevue 40th Anniversary Party, Show & Smoker, Canal Cafe Theatre, 18 August 2019

But actually I’d like to end this piece with two very personal memories of Nick.

In the autumn of 2016 a friend had a show at the Canal Cafe Theatre (about Brexit of all things), so I arranged to go on a Thursday and did a shout out to the NewsRevue crowd that I intended to stay on and watch NewsRevue that evening as well. Nick turned up unannounced and we spent a very enjoyable late evening together at NewsRevue – it felt like the years rolled back, although of course we were not looking out for our own material in that week’s show in November 2016. Click here or below for my write up of that evening:

Brexit The Musical by David Shirreff and Russell Sarre, & NewsRevue, Canal Café Theatre, 17 November 2016

My second memory is of Nick as lyricist…but not businessman. In the early 1990s, many of us were approached by the west-country singer/comedian Ben Murphy for material. Ben performed and recorded much of our stuff.

Ben always needed badgering for the money, but (until the inevitable, final small bad debt) always paid me in the end, in order to obtain more material.

I always assumed that everyone else from NewsRevue must have been handling Ben the same way.

But I recall a conversation with Nick R Thomas some years later (probably around 2004 when we had the 25th anniversary of NewsRevue), when Ben’s name came up and Nick told me that Ben had never paid him. Nick had always assumed that no-one got paid by Ben. I’m not sure how often Nick sent Ben yet more material without first receiving (and banking and clearing) Ben’s cheque for the previous batch.

I think this story proves that Nick was a natural for the arts, whiereas I was a natural for commerce.

Anyway, what does survive (something money could not retrospectively buy) is Ben’s recording of one of my favourite Nick R Thomas lyrics; The Bald Song.

Nick R Thomas was a fine comedy writer and was one of the good guys. I, together with a great many others, will miss him.

NewsRevue 40th Anniversary Party, Show & Smoker, Canal Cafe Theatre, 18 August 2019

NewsRevue is the world’s longest running live comedy show. It has been running since 18 August 1979. That is a Guinness World Record. If you don’t believe me, click here and read it on the official Guinness World Records site.

I have been involved with the show since 1992, as reported on Ogblog in many postings, not least this one which records my first performed offering – click here or below:

California Here I Go, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 April 1992

I formed many friendships over the years I wrote for NewsRevue (most of the rest of the 1990s). Many of us keep in touch through Ivan Shakespeare dinners, many of which are written up on Ogblog, including this one:

Ultimate Love and Happy Tories, Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner, Café Rouge Holborn, 3 March 2017

Mike Hodd (see headline picture) is one of the founders of the show, was a mainstay at our writers meetings in the 1990s and is a fairly regular attendee at Ivan Shakespeare dinners.

For some reason, Mike roped me into liaising with Emma and Shannon at the Canal Cafe to help pull together the 40th anniversary event.

I take very little credit for the superb evening that ensued, but I did contribute some archival material and I did stitch up some NewsRevue alums by gathering names and serial numbers through the e-mail connections.

I also suggested that the event include a smoker, in line with a tradition we had back in the 1990s of having after show parties at which we performed party pieces. Mike particularly liked that idea so it simply had to happen.

But the organisation of the event was really down to Emma, Shannon and the team who did a cracking job.

First up was a pre show drinks reception, at which some of us (encouraged to dress up), looked like this:

Barry Grossman, Colin Stutt and Me.

Then we watched the current show. An excellent troupe comprising Dorothea Jones, Brendan Mageean, Gabrielle De Saumarez and Rhys Tees under Tim MacArthur’s directorship.

Before the smoker, Shannon and the team played us a wonderful 40th anniversary video compilation of pictures and video clips from across the decades. Here is that very vid:

I was proud to have supplied some of the clippings contained therein and moved to see the video and ponder on just what 40 years of a show really means.

Then the smoker. I was really delighted that current/recent cast and crew joined in the idea and chipped in with their own party pieces, which were very entertaining.

From our own “Class of ’92, there were several contributions, captured pictorially by Graham Robertson, with thanks to him for the following pics.

Mike Hodd made two excellent contributions to the smoker;

  • a very amusing stand up set in which he somehow managed to extract humour from Parkinson’s disease. I shall never again be able to dissociate in my mind the film Fatal Attraction from the affliction fecal impaction;
  • a slow build routine in which he was an auctioneer trying to fob off some utter tat as masterpieces. Great fun.
Gerry Goddin

Gerry Goddin performed an audience participation routine in which we joined in a song about “mutton dressed as lamb” to the tune of Knees Up Mother Brown. Gerry dealt with my heckling so masterfully that some people thought the heckles had been planted; they had not.

Barry Grossman

Barry performed a stand up comedy routine with masterful poise. I thought we were all supposed to be writers who cannot perform.

I wanted to celebrate one of my classic songs from 1992; the second of mine to be performed in the show but a perennial:

You Can’t Hurry Trusts, NewsRevue Lyric, 7 May 1992
My solo rendition of You Can’t Hurry Trusts

Chris Stanton was the performer who made my debut contributions to NewsRevue such a success in 1992. He too was at this party and performed a couple of classics brilliantly well; A Loan Again and also John Random’s classic 0898 song. No photo of the Chris’s performance as yet – unless Graham finds one of those amongst his collection.

Jonny Hurst also celebrated John Random’s ouevre with a rendition of the wonderful “Tell Laura A Liver”.

This was in part done to honour John Random’s recent selfless act to donate a kidney out of pure altruism to an anonymous recipient. To complete the honouring of that extraordinary good deed, Jonny and I jointly segued the liver song into a visceral medley including a specific piece we put together to honour John’s donation:

 WHO DO YOU THINK GOT YOUR KIDNEY, MR RANDOM?

(Lyric to the Tune of “Who Do You think You Are Kidding, Mr Hitler?”)
 

THE MAIN REFRAIN
 
Who do you think got your kidney, Mr Random?
Since your organ donation?
Was it a girl for to stop her renal pain?
Was it a boy who can take the piss again?
So who do you think got your kidney, Mr Random?
Now that you’ve gone down to one?
 
FIRST MIDDLE EIGHT

Mr Burns – he came to town
The age of twenty-one
He did assume a nom de plume
And took the name Random.
 
FIRST REPRISE
 
So who do you think got your kidney, Mr Random?
Now that you’ve gone down to one?
 
SECOND MIDDLE EIGHT

Mr Burns did not return
With kidney number one
But kept his sense of humour…
(pause)
…And is ready with his pun.
 
SECOND REPRISE
 
So who do you think got your kidney, Mr Random?
Now that you’ve gone down to one?
 

It was a great party, it was a terrific show and it was a superb smoker. A truly memorable event to celebrate 40 years of a wonderful show.

As John Random said in his preamble to the smoker, NewsRevue has initiated so many careers and transformed so many lives over those decades. And for those of us who have formed enduring friendships, it is hard to express our gratitude to Mike Hodd and those who have kept the NewsRevue torch burning week in week out for forty years and counting.

Brexit The Musical by David Shirreff and Russell Sarre, & NewsRevue, Canal Café Theatre, 17 November 2016

Mauritian Giant Tortoise ...like...so old!
Mauritian Giant Tortoise …like…so old!

I first met David Shirreff many years ago when we worked together on a couple of “financial Armageddon” simulations. I have long wanted to see one of his plays/musicals, but have somehow been confounded by the timing and/or location of the performances.

So when I saw that David was putting Brexit The Musical on at my beloved, local Canal Café Theatre and that one of the show dates was a free Thursday in my diary, I had no hesitation in booking a seat. While I was at it, I also booked to see NewsRevue; might as well while I am there.

The previous week, while playing a real tennis skills tournament teamed with friend Tony Friend – click here to see my piece on that victorious evening – the subject of the Canal Café Theatre and NewsRevue came up, not least because Chris Stanton (formerly of that “parish” and coincidentally an avid realist at Lord’s, as I reported a few months ago – click here) was also playing in the tournament.

“I’m going to the Canal Café Theatre next week, as it happens”, said Tony, “a friend of mine has written a musical…” The coincidence grew when we realised that not only did we both know David Shirreff but we had both booked the same Thursday night to see Brexit The Musical.

brexitfront2-jpg-opt405x540o00s405x540

I ate early and walked to the Canal Café Theatre, as I had so often done back in the 1990s, when we used to meet up for writers’ meetings on a Thursday night before watching the show.

Tony and son John were already there when I got to the theatre.

Tony and I swapped “real tennis war stories” from our famous victory in the skills contest the week before and from our match against Middlesex University Real Tennis Club (MURTC) the night before, in which Tony and I had both been part of losing pairs, but pairs who had lost more heroically than MURTC’s losing pairs, hence contributing towards a great MCC match victory; 2.5-2.5 in rubbers, decided in MCC’s favour on net games. Oh boy, John must have been fascinated and impressed.

I was also able to swap my ticket so I could sit with Tony and John during the show.

We had a chat with David Shirreff before and after the performance. It is a good show. Low hanging fruit for humour, of course, Brexit, not least Boris Johnson and Michael Gove as comedic characters. There were some superbly acerbic lines throughout the show.

The dramatic highlight for me was a parody of the three witches from Macbeth (Theresa, Andrea and Amber, presumably) confounding Boris and Gove with their power riddles. The musical highlight for me was the Putin Rap.

Between shows while I was chatting with David and some of his friends, Nick R Thomas (one of our NewsRevue writing gang from the 1990s) turned up, which was a really pleasant surprise. Nick had seen my e-shout-out that I was going that night, happened to be in London that day and thought, “why not?  I haven’t seen the show for 15 years or so…”

0e0cd4d5-4c58-4273-9cc5-89eb638a3d09
Since 1979…like…so old!

In case anyone reading this is unaware, NewsRevue has been going since 1979. Around about the time the show first went to Edinburgh, in August 1979, I was in Mauritus looking at prehistoric-looking giant tortoises and stuff (see above picture…no, not the ones with politicians’ faces, the other picture). I wrote for the show extensively for most of the 1990s, starting in 1992.

In 2004, NewsRevue was awarded a Guinness World Record for the longest running live comedy show. It has been described as The Mousetrap of live comedy. You can read more about it by clicking here.

Nick blagged his way onto my table, where we were joined by a very perky and friendly young couple who had never seen the show before. “Have you seen the show before?” they asked us. “Hundreds of times”, we replied, explaining our connection with the show.

Realising how young they were, I suggested that, scarily, Nick and I might have been writing for the show before they were born. The young man politely replied that he was a toddler back then, while the young woman remained silent, confirming my fears. I think the young couple probably saw me and Nick as curious antique creatures, a little like…me looking at centuries-old Mauritian giant tortoises all those years before.

We really enjoyed the show. The Trump opening number was an “orthodox” medley of Queen songs, well put together. A “Corbyn Man” number to the Willy Wonka “Candy Man” song was good, as was a version of “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen; Len singing his regret that no-one listens to his recording of the song.

There were some excellent quickies and short sketches. I especially liked the customer complaining about their Galaxy Note 7 catching fire, with the gormless shop assistant misconstruing each danger/complaint adjective as slang praise for a wonderful device.

Ed Balls singing and dancing a “Gangnam Style” parody was excellent, as was a superb rap, the origins of which were beyond me, but the lyrics and delivery were superb. But despite those two numbers, most of the songs used as the basis of the show seem to be stuck in the choices we used to make in our era; musical numbers and pop songs from the 1960s to 1980s.

Sadly, the closing number broke the second law of NewsRevue songs, which is Do not use “I Will Survive”.  (The first law being Do not use “YMCA”.)  Still, given the way the world is right now, the use of I Will Survive might be forgiven. Indeed, come to think of it, what with Brexit and Trump, those financial Armageddon simulations David Shirreff and I did years ago might come in handy. But I digress.

I was most taken by the response of the NewsRevue audience, not least the young couple at our table. In fact the whole audience (mostly younger folk) seemed thoroughly thrilled by their evening. It was heartening to see that the formula still works after all these years and can all-but fill the Canal Café Theatre on a cold, wet but thoroughly enjoyable Thursday evening.

A Couple of Days spent mostly at Lord’s, Middlesex v Somerset, 23 & 24 May 2016

Monday

I played real tennis at the convenient time of 10:00 – convenient that is for seeing a fair chunk of county cricket afterwards. I played a good game this morning by my own sporadic standards. By the time I had showered, changed and chatted best part of half the morning session had passed, but I found a nice sunny spot in the pavilion and hunkered down with my book, A Confederacy of Dunces, which I was determined to finish today, along with some more business-oriented reading.

I had taken with me the simplest lunch of nuts and fruit. A resuscitating coffee in the pavilion afterwards and then I went in search of more sun by relocating to the front of the Mound Stand. Fine spring weather it was.

Trego and Gregory were trying to ruin Middlesex’s day, but once Trego fell the wickets tumbled. Then Robson and Gubbins got to work in fine style.

Meanwhile I was making similarly light work of A Confederacy of Dunces; I shall write up that book in its capacity as cricket reading for King Cricket.

Postscript: my “review” was published on King Cricket on 13 March 2017 – click here.

If anything ever happens to King Cricket, I have scraped the piece to here.

Once that was done, I read the Economist and then, as it started to get a little colder, decided to bail out while I was still enjoying myself – after all, I’d be back tomorrow for some more and wanted to clear some work from home.

Tuesday

A couple of meetings first thing towards the Middlesex strategy, then a few minutes before lunch to watch the cricket. I joined Brian and Judy for the first time this season, hoping to witness the completion of a couple of tons and a double century stand between Robson and Gubbins, but Robson fell on 99 with the team score on 198. But Gubbins did go on to complete his maiden county championship ton.

Again some reviving coffee at lunchtime, while watching Andy Murray snatch victory from the jaws of defeat against Radek Stepanek in the first round of Roland Garros. Then I wandered over to the Upper Compton stand, in the hope of finding James Sharp of Googlies and Chinamen fame. So much for one man and a dog at county matches – there must have been a couple of hundred people up there. I asked a few people, who I recognised as Middlesex regulars, if they knew James, but they didn’t, so I e-mailed James with my location. But it transpires that James travels incognito, or at least without an e-mail device. He says he also looked out for me, but it wasn’t to be.

One of the more senior regulars up there suggested to me that Middlesex were batting so slowly that they might lose the match. I said I thought they were getting close to the position when only Middlesex could win, although the draw remained the most likely outcome.

Here’s the match scorecard, btw.

Then as 15:00 approached, I wandered back round towards the main gate, as I was expecting cousins Ted and Sue as guests. I ran into Steve Tasker along the way and we had a good chat. Then I saw Harry and Blossom Latchman, and spoke with them briefly, until I spotted Ted and Sue at the Grace Gate. The stewards did their wonderful bit of making guests feel like honoured visitors. I showed them around the lower pavilion and we watched the last few overs before tea from there.

Then I showed them the upper pavilion and Bowlers Bar, where we had a drink and watched for a while, until Ted casually mentioned that he’d like to see the museum. I thought we’d missed the closing time, but the stewards kindly let us follow the last tour in so Ted and Sue could at least see the Ashes. Then I showed them the real tennis court, which they enjoyed for a while, then round to the Presidents Box for the last few overs before stumps.

An early dinner at The Bridge House (home of the Canal Cafe Theatre) and then a walk back to their Paddington hotel, followed by a short hike back to the flat for me.

Splendid, it all was.

That’s What We Call NewsRevue, Newsrevue Lyric, 11 January 1998

I remember being very dissatisfied with this one when I wrote it. Mike Ward from the Actor’s Workshop had suggested the idea to me, which was a good one. But it came out, in my opinion, very tired, bitchy and unfunny. It is the last NewsRevue lyric in my log and I suspect that it was the writing of this one that convinced me that I was out of ideas and needed to retire from NewsRevue lyric writing, at least temporarily, although it proved to be a permanent retirement.

There is irony in the fact that I used the tune That Is the End Of the News for the lyric that, in effect, marked the end of NewsRevue for me.

THAT’S WHAT WE CALL NEWS REVUE
(To the Tune of “That is the End of the News”)

 

INTRO 1

We are told, very loudly and often to lift up our hearts;
We are told, that good humour might soften life’s cruel old farts.
So however bad economic troubles might be,
We just lampoon our leaders and sing with glee.

VERSE 1

Heigh-ho, Blair’s mob are pains again,
New bye elections might see Tory gains again;
Word is Hague’s gay as he, like Peter Lilley,
Prefers his to hers when it comes to his willy.

VERSE 2

We’re so glad Harriet Harman,
Is screwing lone parents at rates so alarming;
We’ve now learned New Labour has more cuts than sabres,
As heartless as those Tory Blues.

MIDDLE EIGHT 1

We’re delighted,
To be able to say,
Gordon Brown is not gay,
He’s depressed;
We’re excited,
Now the pounds out of range,
Of the Euro,
It’s all for the best.

OUTRO 1

Three cheers, Jack Straw’s been trusted,
With stamping out drugs although his son’s been busted;
While Mandelson’s heaven is Brighton, not Devon,
And that’s what we call News Revue.

 

INTRO 2

We are told ghastly jokes in the City when drinking in bars,
We are told that it’s charming and witty to mimic the stars;
So when fortune gives them a cup of hemlock to quaff,
We perform songs and sketches and laugh laugh laugh.

VERSE 3

Heigh-ho, Prodigy’s fearful,
We wish that Oasis were slightly more cheerful;
With Spice Girls these days getting booed off the stage, it,
Appears Pulp themselves need some help, they’re so aged;

VERSE 4

Now don’t laugh at poor Mrs Merton,
But nor do her viewers, that’s her final curtain;
The lovers of draggage, prefer Lily Savage,
It must be her splendid hair-dos.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2

Winning days, see,
Greg Rosetsky win games,
He’s as English as mounties and moose;
Football’s crazy,
Gazza beats up his dames,
But he’s gentle compared with “The Juice”.

OUTRO 2

What fun, Paula Yates’ tippled,
They say Posh Spice has a new ring through her nipple;
Now she’s got seven,
While Mel has eleven,
And that’s what we call News Revue,
Yes that’s what we call News Revue.

Below is a video of Joyce Grenfell singing That Is the End Of The News – I cannot find Noel Coward’s original on the web:

Click here for the lyrics to that Is the End Of the News.

Submission To Andy Coleman & Dan Clark Re NewsRevue, 11 January 1998

Andy Coleman / Dan Clark
News Revue
11 January 1998

Dear Andy/Dan

I enclose my new/unused material together with a tape of the sounds.

If you want any of my “archive material” rewritten or some tweaks to the enclosed songs, let me know. Also, if there are any subjects which you feel desperately need a song – give us a call.

Good luck and I look forward to seeing you soon.

Ian

Song Title
Original Title/
Artist Approx.. No. of weeks performed at Canal Cafe
7+ 4-6 1-3 New
geoffrey robinson
mrs robinson / simon and garfunkle N
that’s what we call news revue that is the end of the news / (noel coward) performers unknown N
beef bones dry bones / fred waring and the pennsylvanians N
gaudy dames
gaudete / medaeival baebes N
spin talk wizard
pinball wizard / who N

Geoffrey Robinson, NewsRevue Lyric, 9 January 1998

Geoffrey Robinson was the Paymaster General in Tony Blair’s first government. He lost that job in late 1998 over the Peter Mandelson home loan scandal covered by version two of the lyric below. 

Coincidentally, that Mandelson home was a few blocks away from my flat; I still go past it on my way to the health club and for some time back then Mandelson himself was to be seen there.

GEOFFREY ROBINSON
(To the Tune of “Mrs Robinson”)

CHORUS 1
So here’s to you, Geoffrey Robinson,
Tony loves you more than you will know (wo, wo, wo);
What’s that you say, Geoffrey Robinson?
Havens hold a place for those who pay (hey, hey, hey, hey hey hey).

VERSE 1
We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files,
We’re glad that you have learned to help yourself;
Look around and you will see unsympathetic eyes,
In the treasury, where you feel so at home.

CHORUS 2
What’s in your past, Geoffrey Robinson?
Madam Bourgeois loved you as we know (ho, ho, ho);
Down on your knees, Geoffrey Robinson,
God knows what you’ve licked to earn your pay (hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey).

VERSE 2
Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes,
Stuck away in Guernsey in your trust funds;
It’s a little secret, just the Robinson’s affair,
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the press

CHORUS 3
Coo coo catchoo, Geoffrey Robinson,
Money sticks to you as we all know (wo, wo, wo);
Rolling in cash, Geoffrey Robinson,
Vested offshore in a tax free way (hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey).

VERSE 3
Sitting in your mansion on a Sunday afternoon,
Going to the conference debate;
Laugh about it, shout about it, when loop holes are lax,
Only little people need pay tax.

OUTRO
You’re not quite like John deLorean,
At least he built a factory or two (woo, woo, woo);
We’ve news for you, Geoffrey Robinson,
Gordon Brown has ways to make you pay (hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey).

I also wrote an update of this one 22 December 1998:

GEOFFREY ROBINSON VERSION 2
(To the Tune of “Mrs Robinson”)

CHORUS 1
So here’s to you, Geoffrey Robinson,
Tony loves you more than you will know (wo, wo, wo);
What’s that you say, Geoffrey Robinson?
Havens hold a place for those who pay (hey, hey, hey, hey hey hey).

VERSE 1
We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files,
We’re glad that you have learned to help yourself;
Look around and you will see unsympathetic eyes,
In the treasury, where you feel so at home.

CHORUS 2
What’s in your past, Geoffrey Robinson?
Madam Bourgeois loved you as we know (ho, ho, ho);
Down on your knees, Geoffrey Robinson,
God knows what you’ve licked to earn your pay (hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey).

VERSE 2
Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes,
Stuck away in Guernsey in your trust funds;
It’s a little secret, just the Robinson’s affair,
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the press

CHORUS 3
Coo coo catchoo, Geoffrey Robinson,
Money sticks to you as we all know (wo, wo, wo);
Rolling in cash, Geoffrey Robinson,
Vested offshore in a tax free way (hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey).

VERSE 3
Sitting in your mansion on a Sunday afternoon,
Going to the conference debate;
Laugh about it, shout about it, when loop holes are lax,
Only little people need pay tax.

OUTRO
Who’s your fat friend, Peter Mandelson?
Geoffrey bought a lovely house for you (woo, woo, woo);
It’s just on loan, Peter Mandelson,
Geoffrey will find ways to make you pay (hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey).

Below is Simon & Garfunkel singing Mrs Robinson:

Click here for the lyrics to Mrs Robinson.