Jeff said that he’d cut a strip for our evening game…he REALLY cut a strip
(All photos kindly supplied by Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett)
So much has been written about the astonishing Ashes series of 2005, not least the extraordinary match at Edgbaston. We Heavy Rollers were fortunate enough to witness the first two days of that classic match.
Yet one aspect of our wonderful experience of that match was truly unique to us Heavy Rollers: the evening and night before the test at “Tye Towers”, Big Papa Zambezi Jeff’s Bedfordshire residence, where we played cricket, enjoyed a magnificent barbeque and bonded like a band of brothers.
Our banner unfurled that afternoon, before we played
Make no mistake – Jeff’s wonderful offer to provide us all with accommodation that night and to turn his garden into a temporary cricket ground and barbeque venue was not our only option. Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett had blagged us into the Edgbaston Cricket Centre for an hour in the nets that evening. Who knows how Chas used to pull off such coups? But we ended up rejecting Edgbaston’s kind offer in favour of Jeff’s place.
A King Cricket piece describing the choice of venue for our pre test yard cricket was published in April 2024 – click here. Just in case anything ever goes awry at King Cricket, here is a scrape of that piece.
Jeff’s Bar and barbeque backdropJeff showing off the bar
I’m pretty sure that I journeyed to Jeff’s place reasonably early in the afternoon with Charley and Nick. For several years, Charles would kindly arrange to meet me at a suitably convenient Central Line station (was it Redbridge or Gants Hill or Newbury Park?) and then we’d travel up together. I’d get a train home. There would sometimes be lively debate as to the music we would listen to on these journeys. I might be mistaken, but I have a feeling that Neil Young had some prominence as the in car entertainment that year.
Anyway, for sure we three were all at Tye Towers quite early, as evidenced by the photographs Chas took mid to late afternoon.
There’s me, in whites, sorting out the stumps. Jeff supervising, Nick indifferent
I have no idea what the following picture of Nigel is about. Presumably he was owed ticket money by some and was much relieved to have received it.
Or is this evidence of yard cricket match fixing?
Once the yard cricket got underway, Chas put away his camera until the after match festivities, so we have no images of the pitch once it was completed, nor of the action.
Memory will have to serve for the match itself and I might well need the help of others.
I believe I can compile a complete list of the people who played:
David “David Peel” Steed;
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil;
Me;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
Dan “Dan Peel” Steed;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
Geoff “Tufty Geoff” Young (the only participant who did not also attend the match with us).
In the matter of playing conditions, I recall that we had some additional fielders to try and keep the batsmen honest:
The roller depicted in the above photograph, fielding at slip to the right-handed batsman;
In front of the flag pole, a mermaid statue (or something of that ilk) – those two objects combined to field at leg slip to the right-handed batsman.
Hitting one of those artefacts on the full was deemed to be out caught.
I contrived to get caught by the statue on one occasion. Lots of people had near misses with the roller and possibly even the odd dismissal on the off side, but I think I was alone in managing to strangle one to the mermaid.
Harish had an especially good evening at Tye Towers, as did Tufty Geoff, who was one of those irritatingly excellent yet self-effacing cricketers who tended to hide himself in the lower reaches of the Tufty Stackpole team yet consistently perform well for them when needed. Here and below is a link to a report on a subsequent Tufty match :
Anyway, Tufty Geoff won the trophy that year, for both bating and bowling, while Harish picked up a “man of the match” or “play of the day” award, I think for his bowling. Indeed I think Harish pulled off several fine dismissals including my strangle down the leg side snaffled up by a statuesque fielder.
Tufty Geoff picking up his miniscule trophy from meHarish collecting his slightly larger trophy from yours truly
Nigel reflects on the match and trophies as follows:
Can’t recall who was snaffled by the inert metal object but someone certainly was.
Jeff was equally displeased when I picked out the roof of his prized cabin-bar for two “maximums” using my prized Hansie Cronje Rawalpindi bat. I expected glory not abuse! (Sadly I never owned a bat during my playing days and can only wonder what my numbers might have been if such equipment had come my way earlier? The bat was given to Hansie who didn’t like it so gave it to his brother who became the pro at Todmorden where it fell into the hands of my brother then me). Chas had earlier compared my running style between wickets to that of a “trotting pony”. Maybe that provoked some big hitting?
I supplied the trophies. It was a last minute decision. One each for batting and bowling. Having called in to a modest local establishment it was a question of enquiring “what have you got that I can take now?” Consequently the quality of the awards left much to be desired despite the price. So, it was no surprise that one of them required a small repair before it left for Bedford, thus provoking the comment, “you were done” from Liz Tye while we were preparing for the tournament.
I recall your comment after calculating the final scores, if not verbatim. “Perhaps there should be some recognition for the runner up?” Because the same player came a close second in both categories. (Clue- it wasn’t Harish). So near but……….
Looking again at the awards ceremony photos, I seem to be tucking in to a glass of full-bodied red wine there, which, given the very little I can remember about the rest of the evening (other than that delightful, oblivious, impressionistic sense that we were having a wonderful time) must have been pretty good.
Dan Steed recalls the event as follows:
My favourite Heavy Roller memory! What a few days, starting with such a wonderful afternoon/evening!
Well worth the trip from the edge of Birmingham to drive back to Birmingham the next day for the first two days of the “Greatest Test”!
Oh and the Banoffee pie….wow 😋, and watching a combine harvester at work at some late hour!
At this juncture we should recognise the enormous contribution that Liz Tye made to that wonderful evening, in the background, producing much of the food – not least Dan’s beloved banofee pie, and generally being a “hostess with the mostess” in every way.
The next few photos show the barbeque and festivities in full sway. I think we have used enough words to conjure a sense of the mood.
The next morning, it seems that Chas got up early and went for a stroll around the estate taking some more photos. I’ll use those in the next piece, but here and below is a link to all of the photos Chas took at Tye Towers, both the evening of 3rd August and the morning of 4th August:
How did it come to pass that I could find no written record of this match in my computer archive files, nor are there any pictures from that match in Charley “The Gent” Malloy’s photo archive?
It wasn’t even listed on the canonical list of articles and snippets about Children’s Society matches, which I produced for Charley towards the end of that decade.
Yet, in my memory, that 2005 match was one of the greatest of all, with the most exciting climax.
Roll the clock forward 13-14 years to late 2018. James Sharp, editor of the Googlies and Chinamen Journal, who often syndicates my King Cricket and Ogblog articles, approached me to see if he could have first use of a yet unpublished piece. I offered, among other ideas, to write up of this “lost match”. James jumped at the idea of this one.
So I put my thinking cap on, tried to recall as much as I could about a charity game from all those years ago and made a few notes. The strange thing was, the story of the match itself came out of my mind with quite a strong narrative line – as it would if I were recalling an article I had written, rather than a collection of vague, distant memories.
I also dug out written material and photos from the equivalent fixtures from 2004 and 2006.
The Children’s Society Team, North Crawley, July 2004
There’s Charley The Gent Malloy in the centre of the front row. There’s me with the bandanna (but no beard back then) in the back row. Harsha Goble to my left. Mat The Tazzy to Charley’s left. I shall introduce some other characters as the 2005 match story unfolds.
I realise that there is a proper write up of the 2004 match to be written in the fullness of time – a lot of material for that match, currently unwritten, has returned to my head as a result of researching 2005. It was interesting to say the least. But I digress.
The Children’s Society Supporters, North Crawley, July 2004 . Back row l-r: The Boy Malloy, Mrs Malloy, Daisy. Front row l-r: Bananarama Monkey-Face, Hippity The Green Bunny.
I’m pretty sure the loyal 2004 supporters were all there in 2005 as well. Daisy for sure was there but is studiously unwilling or unable to remember anything much about 2005, other than the fact that we gave a lift to Mat The Tazzy and his new girlfriend that year. Neither of us could remember the girl’s name, nor what she looked like – this 2005 cricket match would have been our one and only sighting of her. I wonder if Mat even remembers.
Anyway, in my efforts to research this piece, I decided to resort to an e-mail trawl. That would surely find a July 2005 e-mail that, at the very least. would include clues as to who played for The Children’s Society. It did.
But, far more importantly, my eyes just happened to glance at a subsequent e-mail to Charles, in January 2006, entitled:
Re: That Tufty Match Report
It transpires that I did, sort-of write up a match report at the time – indeed the very next day – on the Ultra Cricket discussion forum.
Back then, I used to participate in an on-line cricket game entitled Ultra Cricket, which also had an on-line discussion forum for the friendly and intelligent community of cricket lovers who congregated around that game. The site was run by Tim Astley, an Englishman (I think) who lived (possibly still lives) in Tasmania. When Tim decided to shut his site down, I struggled to find another general cricket on-line community which pleased me, until I came across King Cricket, which I grew very fond of, very quickly and where I still hang out to this day.
It seems that, back in 2005, I simply mind-dumped an idiosyncratic (or perhaps I should say self-centred) write up of the Tufty match on the Ultra Cricket forum without so much as a scrape for my archive nor even a send on to my friends at the time. Unlike me.
Here is the note I sent to Charley the Gent in January 2006:
Charles Would you believe that since we spoke I have: ¨ Ascertained that the Ultra Cricket forum in question has been archived ¨ Ascertained that I did not keep a copy of the write up (silly me, silly mistake, won’t do that again) ¨ E-mailed Tim Astley in Tasmania who must have better things to do at 10:00 p.m. ¨ He has rescued the piece from his old server and sent it to me – I owe him, I owe him ¨ So here it is
(Can’t think why I didn’t send it to you at the time, except the euphoria of Edgbaston only a few days later made it all seem to pale somewhat)
Cheers Ian
Here is my contemporaneous but self-centred write up of the 2005 Tufty match, as posted on the Ultra Cricket Forum and rescued by Tim Astley.
Match report dated 1 August 2005
Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society at North Crawley 31 July 2005.
Thought I’d report on our annual 40 overs a side charity match 31 July 2005. Tufty Stackpole (them) against The Children’s Society (us). It was a cracker!!
They batted first. Started slowly but then built steadily. They took advantage of the fact that one of our two main seamers broke down after 3 overs. As a result, we didn’t take enough wickets early doors and had to resort to 6th and 7th bowling options. They posted 254.
I’m asked to open the batting “to try and take some shine off the ball and see off their strike attack”. Managed to survive 12 or so overs, much of it using the “Geoff Boycott method for playing Glenn McGrath” (get t’single and watch from t’other end) against their best bowler, although I did straight drive him for 4 once – the best shot I have ever played and probably ever will. Made 14 at a strike rate of 40/45ish. Got out to the dibbly leg-side spinner as usual. Disappointed to get out (as always) but job done.
Even our better batsmen found it really hard on a low slow wicket that was getting lower and slower, until we found ourselves c60/3 off 20, requiring nearly 10 an over off the last 20 overs. Twenty20 here we come. By this stage, I was umpiring.
Slowly but surely our better batsmen got going, not least an enormous Saffer who also bowled and fielded superbly and who decided the best way to deal with this problem was in sixes off their medium pacers. Cars in the car park, sheds and conservatories in neighbouring gardens took a battering. It was awesome to watch from the umpire’s position.
However, the run rate required stubbornly hovered around 11 or 12 for a long time and we lost a couple of wickets at the other end. After 37 overs we had 225 for 5 so needed 30 off 3 and then we lost the big Saffer. 28 off 16 balls required, one real batsman left and numbers 10 and 11 are the side-strained bowler and a decent batsman who dislocated a finger fielding who was only to bat “if absolutely necessary”.
13 runs off the next 10 balls was OK, but 15 runs off the last over seemed a big ask of tail enders. I thought we were done for.
But the pressure is also on the bowler, and although he was good enough to clean bowl “The Big Saffer” he could also bowl a couple of wides which were runnable, so we ended up needing 4 from the last ball and then (after a run wide) 2 from the last ball. The first run was taken comfortably for the tie and of course the boys tried to scramble the win. I was required to make the uncomfortable but honest decision to run out one of his own brave guys to determine the match as a tie off the last ball.
254 for both sides. But as we won the trophy last year, the tie meant that we retained the trophy.
Far and away the most exciting game of cricket I have ever played in. And of course Janie maintains her fine tradition of witnessing last over thrillers when she attends one-day games.
How many people ever witness two tied matches in one season (the other being the ODI final between England and Australia a few weeks ago)?
But today, to put it politely, I’m knackered.
Ian Harris
Charley The Gent chimed in with some idiosyncratic (or do I mean self-centred) points of his own:
Hello Ian.
Absolutely wonderful – it brought it all back, floooooding back!! and what a great bloke Tim is (who ever he is – and why on his server in Tasmania of all places!)
If I had to nit pick!! no mention of the other opening bowler who had is best 5 over spell EVER! and the other opening batsman who took all (well nearly all) of the most aggressive fast bowler, who had a strange habit of staring at the batsman after each ball (and others at the same time! ) there was a lot about you in the report!
The only tactical error this opening bowler, opening bat and Captain (is there anything I do not do on the pitch?) was to let Mat bowl – but he did want to showboat to his girl friend!!
I do agree it was the best match ever and in the best year ever for English Cricket – which we all were are a part of.
Thanks for retrieving this (and to Tim!)
Charles
What else can and should I add to these contemporaneous gems from the archive? Well, strangely, there are some other memories I think worthy of note.
It transpires that the 2005 fixture was due to be a home match for The Children’s Society. Kyle The Offie (seen in the 2004 team photo second from the left with ball in hand) had tried to organise a ground for us in Tower Hamlets or Newham but had been let down at very short notice. Fortunately, the North Crawley CC ground was available that Sunday, so we (once again) presumed on the wonderful Tufty Stackpole hospitality and organised transport at the last minute.
Divan The Big Saffer, who came as part of Heinrich the Gangmaster’s seemingly limitless collection of sporty Saffers, became a bone of contention in future matches. He was SO big and SO strong – he played rugby for London Irish if I recall correctly – even when he tried to rein it in, his bowling terrorized the less experienced players who might join in the fun – e.g. in Z/Yen against Children Society matches.
But for the Tufty match Divan, was high class but certainly not “beyond class” and he was the saviour of the day in several ways. Not only was it his good contribution with the ball and massive contribution with the bat that turned the match into a last-ball thriller, but it was in his capacity as a sports physio that he sorted out poor RBK’s dislocated finger…
…a dislocation so extreme it made the poor lad’s hand look like something from an alien species, until Divan relocated it. Daisy was getting ready to take RBK to A&E but Divan said “let me look at it” and just…dealt with it.
“Are you sure?…” said Daisy, who is, after all, somewhat of a professional digit person. “Yes”, said Divan, “it’s what I do”, and then wandered back to his fielding position in the outfield. Classic.
The other element of this match that deserves some extrapolation is Mat Tazzy’s grandstanding for his new girlfriend. Charley was quite right that Mat should not have bowled – ever. In fact, Mat should never have taken off his wicket-keeping gloves. He was an exceptional keeper – had been on Somerset’s books for several years although left before progressing from Second XI to full County representation – way above our level. But that day he wanted to show off to his new girlfriend and hang around a bit in the outfield – so I think Harsha took the gloves for an hour or more that match.
Unfortunately Mat’s grandstanding also extended to his batting that match, so unlike the previous year’s equivalent fixture, when his heroics were a major contribution to us winning the match, in 2005 Mat got out having a swipe for glory far too early in the piece.
I wish I could remember the identity of our strike bowler who broke down early and then needed to help slog out the last few runs…along with poor old RBK who did need to bat with that dislocated/relocated finger and swallow some dirt while diving for the last run scramble.
When this extended piece gets a wider reading and circulation, perhaps some of those who were at the match will read it, remember and help me to fill in some of these details.
On the matter of that final ball run out; Mat Tazzy, along with several members of our team, maintained that they didn’t think that the wicket-keeper put down the wicket correctly in executing the run out and that I, as the adjudicating square-leg umpire, should have adjudged the run to have been made and the match won rather than tied.
I am convinced that I saw the keeper swipe his arms above the stumps, without dislodging anything, to take the ball and then swipe the stumps with his arms once the ball was in his gloves. I had by far the best view of all the post-match pundits on that subject – apart from the keeper who I think an honest fellow and who was adamant that my reading of the event was spot on. But I was shaking like a leaf with excitement as we came off the field, so perhaps I didn’t look as credible an umpire as I should have looked.
One final, self-centred point. I said in my contemporaneous report that I thought my straight drive for four off “Cooperman” was the best shot I have ever played and probably ever will. 13 to 14 years on, I haven’t played a shot that comes close to comparing with my memory of it.
From Charley’s Archive, 2003 – It’s funny how some people can look the part and play with passion, without really bringing much ability to the party at all
Similarly, when I said then “far and away the most exciting game of cricket I have ever played in”, it is fair now to add, “and probably ever will”, to that thought too.
Ever true to his word, David Steed indeed booked a minibus for our transport that year, in the light of our increased size of group. Here is the picture, presumably taken by Anita, of us all dressed up and ready to go first thing on that first morning, at Wadderton:
Of course there would have been many bants about drinks muling, as had been the case in previous years, but I think the consensus by 2004 was that most muling was likely to get caught. Thus only the expert did the muling – a wine box (outer removed of course) disguised as a cool bag bottom.
I suspect this trick doesn’t work any more, but here are photos of the operation in process:
David will have been describing the picnic contents in a quickfire patter styleeGang-master Jeff looks smug and satisfied
Jeff took on the role of mastermind rather than implementer in the matter of the prediction game too. I remember getting a call from him early in the morning of 28th, while I was getting ready to leave the flat.
JEFF: Ian, it’s Jeff here. I’ve screwed up. I cannot lay my hands on a prediction game template and need to go out now. I know you did one for Trent Bridge – any chance you could print it out for Edgbaston this year? It’ll be the devil’s job to try and get it done at Wadderton.
ME: I’m rushing to set off this morning too…but leave it with me…
…which Jeff did…for the rest of all time.
By 9:02 on 28 July (according to the meta-data), I had produced this masterpiece, which became the base template for all subsequent Edgbaston trips. Please note the correct spelling of Edgbaston & everything:
Not entirely suited to the nine player version of the game, but still
The next picture was taken just over an hour into the match. Note that our regular seats in the Priory Stand had a splendid view of the notorious Eric Hollies Stand while being a very safe distance from it. Even the 12th man seemed to be eyeing the Hollies with suspicion, while Bananarama Monkey-Face tried to sneak into any photo he possibly could photo bomb.
At lunch we peruaded a friendly steward, quite possibly Paul Guppy, to take a group photo of us:
Later in the lunch hour, Chas must have gone for one of his traditional lunchtime strolls, observing some cultural appropriation of Caribbean music:
My memory and the official record is silent on the delights that David served up to us for dinner on the Thursday evening. We won’t have been all that hungry because a David Steed Wadderton picnic left little room for dinner. It will have been very tasty, whatever it was. Everyone will have been in excellent spirits – England was doing extremely well.
Harish looks very happy indeedI think the player kindly giving Chas the thumbs up is Jermaine Lawson
At lunchtime Chas must have wandered over to the book signing, but whether he commissioned a private message about London buses and pigeons from Blowers, or simply took a photo of him plying his trade in audiobooks, I suspect is lost in the mists of time.
Following the coup with Nigel and Jeff the previous year, getting into the pavilion for a session or so (click here or below)…
…Chas couldn’t resist trying the same wheeze again – seemingly with some success.
Matthew Hoggard going in to batAndrew Flintoff returning with a daddy-hundred to his name
If you look very closely at the above photo, you can see, in the distance, the number ten batsman striding towards the crease. That is a young James Anderson and this was our first (but far from our last) sighting of him as Heavy Rollers.
We had a wonderful time in 2004, as always, but I do recall a sense that 2004 was an especially good one. I don’t think any of us realised at the time that we were at the dawn of a golden era for England as a cricket team and The Heavy Rollers as a motley band of visiting enthusiasts.
If you want to see all the pictures, including scans of the prediction game results sheets (surely everyone will want to know, as much as anything else, how I cunningly accounted for nine players on an eight-column template), you can see it all in the Flickr album linked here and below:
I’m not sure why The Heavy Rollers became, for a few years, a significantly bigger and bolder event. Part of a natural life cycle for such things, perhaps. Possibly something to do with the England cricket team’s partial revival, prompting a bit more realistic optimism (rather than the “hope against hope” optimism of the 1990s and early years of the new century) in England’s potential performances.
Or possibly it was due to our spiritual leader, Nigel, adopting a policy of suggesting that our journey would soon reach an end.
Here’s the 19 November 2003 note from Nigel to us Rollers:
Subject: Heavy Rollers 2004-the penultimate tour
Dear Heavy Rollers , Associate and Junior members
Despite phone bookings not being available until January (Warwicks. CCC staff are so bribable) have just heard that our allocation sorted, usual places, although on Friday 2 of the group (now 9- what an evening game that should be) will be directly behind (Just in case this all sounds too far off and you are thinking I am a sad git for even considering booking it when Rugby is the game, they told me that the row we occupy is now sold out for the second day!). I am a sad git but that’s another matter.
Tickets are 30.25 x 2 each = £60.50 (I got stung for a second booking fee as I added more on!).
Payable between now and end of the year to avoid serious surcharges applying.
The nine for that year were, as depicted in the headline picture (left to right seated, then left to right standing):
In 2004, the core group seemed to solidify. Most who had attended previously in earnest wanted to attend.
David Steed sprang into action immediately, sealing the deal on the Wadderton element of our trip within a couple of days of Nigel’s missive. David’s reply on 23 November 02003:
Dear Heavy Rollers (all grades),
Suitable accommodation now reserved for the Wednesday and Thursday. I wonder if we can persuade her indoors (scuse me it’s her that’s doing this typing!!!) to repeat the lasagne?
We have actually found a REAL Heavy Roller deep in the undergrowth at the back of Wadderton, so if I slip Peter a couple of cans of Banks Original we may even attempt to roll out a strip!
Nigel – cheque in the post in couple of days – and thanks for being a sad git!
Sadly, our 2004 exploits proved to be a final hurrah for Wadderton, as far as the Heavy Rollers were concerned – Wadderton was gone by the summer of 2005. Mercifully, those 2004 exploits were wonderfully memorable, not least thanks to Charles Bartlett’s trusty Canon PowerShot camera.
Wadderton looking splendid, 28 July 2004
No sign of Peter having cut a strip by the time we got there in July 2004, quite possibly because the bribe of Banks’s Original didn’t make it from the Steed quarters into Peter’s hands. [I must admit that Banks’s Mild was always my personal Banks’s beer of choice, but I was not even faintly likely to cut a strip. I digress].
Observant readers will note, from the headline picture, that the Heavy Rollers were all wearing a Heavy Rollers Edgbaston 2004 shirt. This was the first of several years for which shirts were commissioned. Jeff and Chas were the brains behind the idea.
I vaguely heard a story about consternation over the production of this first shirt. Something to do with Chas taking the lead, a deal done down Romford market and Jeff’s dissatisfaction with the combination of quality and price. The upshot was that subsequent shirts were produced elsewhere under Jeff’s auspices. I cannot comment on that debate but I can, nearly 20 years later, still model the very shirt:
Thanks to Janie for this picture 19 March 2023
Frankly, in my case, nearly 20 years later, the shirt appears to be maintaining its look better than the wearer.
Downhill From Here: The Night Before The Test, 28 July 2004
Frankly I’m not sure a cut strip would have much enhanced our game the night before, but I am sure that the nine of us had a splendid early evening game.
I suspect that all who were present remember one particular detail of this game of yard cricket…probably to the exclusion of all other details. Certainly in my case, the one pivotal moment of the evening – one ball – has extinguished all and any other memories of the game.
I cannot remember who bowled it (it might even have been me), nor can I remember who struck the ball (certainly not me given the quality of the strike – probably Nigel or Biff), but I do remember who sought to field the ball. Charley.
The ball hurtled off in the direction of the lower slopes below the garden which was, in effect, our pitch. Coincidentally, Charley, who is a photographer extraordinaire as well as a fielder extraordinaire, had photographed those lower slopes earlier that afternoon:
The lower slopes of Wadderton
I don’t think Chas leapt over the fence, I think there was a strategic gap through which the ball, then Chas following the ball, went.
It took everyone (including Chas) a few seconds to realise that running as fast as you can down a hill to try to stop a ball has certain consequences in the matter of how the momentum of that run comes to an end. For an excruciating few moments it became obvious to everyone, probably including Chas, that his run would have to end with either an inadvisable dive or an involuntary tumble.
We could debate at great length the exact nature of the concluding moment. Suffice it to say that it looked extremely comical and yet at the same time, in the moment, I suspect we were all genuinely concerned for Chas.
I have asked Dall-E to help me depict this moment, both in cartoon form and in photograph form, by explaining the matter in words to the AI tool. Here are the results:
Chas Downhill in Cartoon FormChas Downhill in Photo Form
Once it became clear that Chas’s moans were the result mostly of bruised ego rather than serious physical harm, the incident became a matter of much mirth, for the rest of that evening…and the rest of that Heavy Rollers 2004 event…indeed for the rest of all time amongst those who witnessed it.
Other reports on the incident or other aspects of that evening’s game will be gratefully received.
I have no idea whether the evening meal was indeed centred around the ever-popular lasagne, but I strongly suspect that it was.
A memorably convivial evening at Wadderton
We sat around after dinner for quite some time that year, reminiscing about Heavy Rollers events past, the earlier events of the evening and of course looking ahead with eager anticipation to two days of test cricket between England and West Indies.
Chas looks revived – no doubt describing his “dive” in Jonty Rhodes/Paul Collingwood terms
I shall write up the Edgbaston element of the 2004 Heavy Rollers event separately.
Charles Bartlett’s wonderful pictures of the events described in this piece and of the 2004 Edgbaston trip can be found in the Flickr album linked here and below:
Postscript: Indeed We Did Eat Lasagne
I have just discovered one more e-mail – this one from Anita to Nigel the weekend before the event. Proof positive that we had lasagne and also that we already knew that this stay would be Wadderton’s last hurrah, Heavy Roller-wise:
Subject: Re: Nearly time……
Hi Nigel,
David’s working this evening but I thought I’d reply anyway and if he wants to get back to you tomorrow then I am sure he will.
He and Dan are really looking forward to next Thursday and Friday. David is off work Wednesday too to prepare!!
I think everything is fine about people staying here but you will need to bring sheets or sleeping bags, pillow slips and towels, as the laundry contract has finished and I don’t think I have enough!
I have been commissioned to make another lasagne for one of the evenings and I think David has plans for food for the other one. He said he would book a minibus for Thursday but, if there are fewer of you needing to come back here after the cricket on Friday I can be chauffeur!
By 2004, the Z/Yen v The Children’s Society cricket match had become a well-established fixture in the social calendar.
In the few years preceding this 2004 match, we had settled on Regents Park as the venue of choice, but Regents Park was unavailable that year, so we thought we’d try Holland Park’s non-turf pitch for a convenient change.
Two extraordinary things happened on this day in 2004. The handful of relics remaining of the event leave only tiny clues about those things, but in this Ogblog I shall deploy my forensic skills and reveal those memorable happenings.
The annual Z/Yen versus The Children’s Society cricket match was held in Holland Park around the longest day, 22 June. And it must have seemed like a long evening to the largest ever crowd of friends and spectators, huddling under the trees in the cool drizzle. Perhaps it was the bottles and pin of superb beer sponsored by Youngs brewery (via George, Giles Wright’s brother) that kept the crowd motivated and audible throughout.
Z/Yen batted first and accumulated 91 for 4. More or less everyone got a bat with several players, even Ian Harris, retiring not out. Restricting things to 15 overs per side saved the game from the impending rain, as well as the use of some handy Astroturf. Z/Yen bowled well – John Davies (Helen’s husband) getting man-of-the-match for his efforts – restricting The Children’s Society to 73 for 6, despite some late heroics by Harish Gohil and Richard Britain-Kelly. So for only the second time ever, Z/Yen has regained the Rashes (risk/reward ashes) trophy.
In a desperate attempt to rebuild the devastated relations with this important client, Ian Harris helped The Children’s Society to win (for the first time ever) its annual Tufty Stackpole match a few weeks later. Ian’s help was mostly vicarious of course (p-lease), lending The Children’s Society Z/Yen’s star ringer Mat for the 45 overs-a-side Sunday marathon.
Yes, the original write up records one of the key features of these quintessentially beer-match-style cricket matches. Giles Wright’s brother George being an essential ringer for our Z/Yen team, not least because he was the head of marketing at Youngs Brewery and would insist on donating lashings of beer for the event. No wonder we started to draw sizeable crowds during that era.
I also have the scorebook for this match:
Play Of The Day
The casual reader glancing at the above relics would not settle upon the name James Pitcher and imagine that the play of the day might have anything to do with him. Did not bat. Did not bowl.
James was a reluctant member of the team. That’s not to say that he was an unwilling participant in events, far from it. But James was convinced that everyone else in the team deserved their place in cricketing terms more than he did. So when time was running out and I offered him my place in the batting line up, James deferred. He also stated firmly that he could not and should not bowl.
Importantly, James also implied that he couldn’t really field that well either, but he could run, so we agreed that the outfield would be best for him.
When my friend/nemesis Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett came out to join Eugene Kinghorn at the crease, the match was still well poised, but the Children’s Society knew they needed to get on with it; they were falling behind the required run rate.
Charles drove his first scoring shot (it might even have been his very first ball, you know) extremely well, straight down to long on, quite near to the location where James was peacefully grazing in the long grass.
Eugene, gazelle-like compared with most of us, set off at Charles’s call of two and I’m pretty sure again yelled “yes, one more” on the turn, as he would be running to the danger (non-striker’s) end.
But James didn’t throw to the non-striker’s end. Why would he? How could he? James, the non-cricketer, simply ran as fast as he could, picked up the ball and hurled it (he’s not named Pitcher for nothing) vaguely in the direction of the action.
Had James thrown to the non-striker’s end, Eugene would have been home easily even if James had hit those stumps directly.
Instead, James’s throw somehow managed to hurtle an additional 22 yards past the non-striker’s stumps and directly hit the stumps at the striker’s end, with Charley still running a few yards short of the line. Run out.
It was an incredibly long throw for a direct hit. As James has subsequently agreed, we could set him that throw as a deliberate exercise and he might hit the stumps one time in a couple of hundred attempts.
I am reliably informed that Chas still has nightmares about this dismissal.
Pitcher by name… (this photo from the 2007 match)
Match Of The Day
But even that incredible dismissal was not the most extraordinary thing to occur that evening. In fact, both the score book and contemporaneous match reports are silent on the momentous occurrence.
I mentioned earlier Eugene Kinghorn as Charley’s batting partner during the unfortunate run out incident…the run out described above in some detail…the one that Charley still has nightmares about…
…anyway, Eugene formed another partnership that evening…
…with Fran Birch, one of the Z/Yen players.
By the time we all returned to “the scene of the crime” – three years later we again needed to decamp to Holland Park, those two had got married, Eugene was no longer working for The Children’s Society and he thus ended up playing for Z/Yen.
These are the lengths some Z/Yen folk are prepared to go to in order to strengthen the Z/Yen cricket team.
Joking apart, I really do believe that Eugene and Fran’s initial meeting at one of our silly cricket matches is one of the very most wonderful things to have come out of all of those events.
Linda gives Fran and Eugene the “match of the match” award, Holland Park, 2007
As luck (and a little bit of tactical captaincy on my part) would have it, Eugene and Fran even ended up partnering each other at the crease to knock off the winning runs in the 2007 game. Funny old game, cricket.
Photographs by Charles Bartlett. Above: Nigel & Jeff With Paul Adams
We shall return later to the above image of Nigel and Jeff smugly mingling with the South African players in the pavilion just before tea on Day One of the 2003 Edgbaston test.
Let us start this write up of the 2003 Heavy Rollers event from the beginning.
Big Match Build Up: October 2002 To May 2003
A lengthy e-mail from Nigel on 10 October 2002 set the ball rolling for this one. The key text:
The Edgbaston Test is scheduled for 24-28 July, 2003 vs. South Africa (where it all began!).Tickets go on sale in early January. Get it into the diary before holidays, personal injury, life changes and other meek excuses hamper another traditional gathering in the interests of the wonderful game.
By that time, Nigel was no longer with The Children’s Society and had not been able to attend the previous year, as documented at length in the 2002 Heavy Roller’s piece. I was not sure that the tradition would continue and was very pleased to receive that e-mail.
Then, on 3 December, came confirmation via a similarly lengthy epistle from Nigel:
Your ticket secretary has reported back with news that tickets have been acquired for England v South Africa, Thursday and Friday 24/25 July 2003 (Row A Block 03 Seats 4-10). These will be held in safe keeping until a personal transfer can be effected but cheques for 2 x £30.00 per person would be appreciated in due course…
…The secretary is happy to bear all additional costs associated with daily calls to the very nice women in the box office, reports of postal applications going missing, resubmissions, original application surfacing, consequent near purchase of too many tickets etc. etc……what stress.
Possibly it was Nigel’s use of the word “hamper” in his first e-mail about this, but the rest of us were motivated by that second e-mail to club together and send Nigel & Viv a hamper of grub for Christmas, not only to thank him for his 2003 efforts but also the 2002 efforts which, from his personal point of view, resulted in no cricket at all.
I commissioned Dall-E to help me illustrate the gift:
Not bad, but the liquid bottles within were French and grape-based, not water
On 31 December, Nigel sent what might well be his most pretentious e-mail ever:
Monsieurs ‘Heavy Rollers’
C’est avec plaisir que je mange le grand cadeau et je bois le vin et le champagne.
Merci de votre generosite mes amis!
Amities,
Nigel (et femme)
Next, in mid-May, a disappointing development, passed on to the rest of us through Nigel:
Dear Heavy Roller
It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that one of the senior membership has been forced to put an exotic holidaying experience with spouse before this great, and possibly final, annual occasion. Just when English cricket begins its renaissance after the disappointments of the winter (and summer). David reassures us that, despite this dubious decision (yes it is he), the bookings remain solid for accommodation and limited overs warm up…
David himself chimed in a few days later, not least with the following statement.
…Not sure if Dan is up to the cooked breakfast but therein lies a challenge!!!…
These messages remind me of two Wadderton traditions that I have not previously discussed: games of garden cricket on the Wadderton lawns and the traditional cooked breakfast at Wadderton before setting off for the ground.
The Night Before The Big Match: 23 July 2003
Wadderton in 2004: more slope than Lord’s, more than a tinge of green on the track
I’m pretty sure that the garden cricket prior to 2003 had been a fairly low key affair – perhaps it started in 2001 with a gentle knockabout. In 2002 it was replaced by “yard cricket in the rain at Trent Bridge”, which was quite different.
My memory of the night before cricket in 2003 is quite strong and I recall quite a good game. David’s replacement (at one time his son Ben was mooted) turned out to be “Dan’s Mate” Robbie, who was good company, a keen scout and a very useful addition to the garden cricket. Here is the cast list for 2003:
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
Me “Ged Ladd” (accompanied by Hippity The Green Bunny, Henry The Duck and Bananarama Monkey-Face);
Dan“Dan Peel” Steed;
“Dan’s Mate” Robbie.
This group made for some good garden cricket.
Towards the end of the game, we were joined by a woman named Jill Rose, whose company was supplying computers to The Children’s Society and who for some reason wanted to meet with Charles that afternoon/evening. I think it might have been as simple as the fact that she was nearby.
She was a larger than life character, I remember. I also recall her hoving into view from the main house, much later than she had intended to visit, while our game was in full sway. Mercifully, Jill did not tumble down that slope, nor did any of us tumble down the even steeper slope, which is out of view in the above photo. You’ll have to await the 2004 report for that story. Indeed, an abridged match report for the 2003 Wadderton Garden Games can be found in Nigel’s Epistle To The Rollers, at the end of this piece.
Jill watched us playing for a while and then, when we stopped playing for rain and Charles invited her to join us for the Chinese takeaway we had agreed we would get from the Barnt Green Chinese in David’s absence…
…was that place already named Happy Valley back then? Anyway it wasn’t bad…
…Jill insisted on getting the takeaway and refused to accept any money from us.
I vaguely remember Charles Bartlett describing “going to hell and back” form filling back at TCS HQ, at Charles Nall’s behest, to declare fully the circumstances behind this receipt of supplier hospitality. Whether that form-filling trumped the form filling required to get Day Two refunds on Edgbaston tickets, I cannot say, but I did end up doing the latter.
England v South Africa Day One: 24 July 2003
Did Dan provide a cooked breakfast in the style of his inimitable Dad? I have a feeling that he did and it would have been jolly tasty.
But it was Jeff, not Dan, who provided the central picnic for Day One of play. This included a fair amount of booze which Jeff was determined we should all smuggle in to the ground. Booze-smuggling into grounds does not come naturally to me. We had some interesting debates about “who should do what”, which I think resulted in me avoiding booze-mule duties, much to Jeff’s chagrin. My argument was that I would look guilty as hell if trying to hide something, would be likely to crumble when confronted by an authority figure and therefore was, in every way, the Roller least emotionally suited to muling and most likely to get caught.
…which is a far more risky and serious form of smuggling than a bit of booze muling at Edgbaston. (Are you technically people smuggling when you smuggle yourselves across a border)? I digress.
In the end we all got in with our share of the stuff; legitimate and contraband alike.
Below is the view from the front row of the Priory Stand as it was then. This photo is the very first Heavy Roller’s photograph taken on a digital camera by Charles Bartlett. It makes Edgbaston, not least the Eric Hollies Stand beyond, look magnificent, which it truly is.
The Tye picnic
I note from the above photo evidence of the smuggled but (at lunchtime) barely concealed wine (see plastic cup on far right).
Kids playing Kwik Cricket – lunchtime entertainment. In the background the famous old Edgbaston pavilion, demolished and replaced 2010/2011, in all its (lack of) splendourTwenty20 cricket was born a few weeks before this test match. This proto-mascot Warwickshire Bear, in cricket whites, with moll, looks more growly than subsequent mascot bears.
I’m hoping that Nigel can tell the story of how a few of the senior Heavy Rollers blagged their way into the pavilion between lunch and tea that day. Nigel mentions Clive in his epistle and I do recall there was a senior administrator by that name who was associated with our group’s peculiar ability to get the seats it wanted in all circumstances without us having been on a 30 year waiting list or anything like that.
My memory of the pavilion event is very limited, but I do remember a call coming through to the rest of us with the news. I remember declining the invitation. I think there were only one or two more spaces and I was less keen than others. In any case, I had little-‘uns with me and would not have wanted to leave them unattended.
Nigel and Jeff look chuffedPaul “Frog-In-A-Blender” Adams, right, Thami Tsolekile (I think), leftHerschelle Gibbs followed by Graeme Smith returning undefeated for teaJeff Tye applauding in our so-far totally unrewarded England stalwarts at tea
Not much more than five minutes after the players went in for tea, Charles and the others were back in the Priory Stand with the rest of us when this incident happened.
Perennial joker of a supervisor steward, Paul Guppy (subsequently reported on in the Birmingham Mail honoured for his soccer stewarding) accosts me with some invented regulation prohibiting my little ‘uns from sitting in their favourite Priory Stand “seats” Photographic evidence of Paul Guppy arresting Hippity while putting him into a dangerous stranglehold. Meanwhile I seek to rescue Bananarama Monkey-Face and another steward callously looks on
Moments after the above two pictures were taken, Paul Guppy was no longer able to keep a straight face and the ruse was undone. I think it was Jeff Tye who put Paul Guppy up to this, presumably while they were doing the pavilion thing. I guessed that it was pay back time for refusing to mule the booze. But it might have been Nigel and/or Charles who put Paul Guppy up to it. I do think, now that 20 or so years have passed, it should be confession time. Actually the incident was very funny, not least because Paul Guppy was a uniquely unsuited character to the role of officious senior steward concocting a ludicrous rule on the fly.
I am pretty sure that Jeff Tye organised the prediction game in 2003, as I have no record, either electronic or paper, of the game. From 2004 onwards the mantle had passed to me for the rest of all time.
I don’t recall what we did that evening – I don’t think we went out – I suspect that the Wadderton breakfast and Jeff’s picnic catering, into which we all naturally chipped in to cover the costs, had included enough food to tide us over between Days One & Two.
The Day Two That Didn’t Exactly Happen, 25 July 2003
…at least we had enjoyed some fine garden cricket and a glorious day at Edgbaston in 2003. In any case, if you were going to hang around waiting for nothing to happen, you’d sooner hang around at Wadderton than at Harborne Hall- especially the 2012 quasi-commercial manifestation of Harborne Hall with its novel “price per slice of breakfast toast” mentality.
Charles took some photos of us on that rainy day at Wadderton, around 10:15 that morning. It looks dark. It was dark.
Nigel looking resigned: “no chance”Jeff emphatic: “you might as well go to New Street now, Ian”The eternal optimist: “let’s wait and see”Dan, sanguine: “heck, I’m at home anyway”.
As the rain persevered throughout the morning, one by one the Heavy Rollers succumbed to the inevitable and decided to leave. I think Jeff might have bailed out first. Then Nigel. Then Charles & Nick.
I maintained a level of optimism based on a detailed reading of the rainfall radar which told me that, as long as the wind speed and direction didn’t change, that better weather would start sweeping in to the West Midlands around 15:00.
Each departing Heavy Roller assured me that I was waiting in vain, while depositing their tickets with me, the designated mourner, which meant that I would be responsible for getting the refunds if play was indeed abandoned.
Anyway, I enjoyed sitting around chatting with Dan, who possibly shared my optimism, but in any case was off work for the day and at home. When the sun came out, we were both buoyed and feeling a sense of “told you so”…we even started planning our journey to the ground…until the announcement came on the Tv broadcast just a few minutes later that play had been abandoned for the day. There was not enough time to mop up after the relentless rain and get started before the cut off time.
Dan very kindly drove me in to Birmingham New Street, in glorious sunshine, to catch a convenient train back to London.
I remember sitting with a nice cricket-lover on that journey home whose one day of test match cricket a year had just been washed out. I realised how lucky I was. Not only had I already seen a day of this test match but I was by then already a life member of Middlesex and seeing/due to see plenty of cricket that season.
I wrote the following missive to “the lads” at soon after 7:00 that evening:
OK, OK, You called it right
Folks
Daniel and I had the surreal experience of watching the televised inspection c3.15 with glorious sunshine at Wadderton (we were planning to set off for the ground), only to learn that play was abandoned for the day!
We were so disgusted that we tore up our tickets and yours – so sorry guys – no refund. Oh all right, I have your tickets and will sort out the refunds and will reimburse you if/when the dosh turns up.
Still enjoyed the cricket we did see and the splendid company for two days. Here’s to the next time.
Ian
Nigel responded later that evening, with sufficient detail to allow the observant reader to realise that I don’t really remember all of the above stuff – but I do save e-mails and possibly even re-read bits of them:
These weather forecaster were just wishful thinkers.
Us hardened ex-players and watchers knew from experience of endless pavilion waiting that it was going to be a long shot.
However, respect to you both for sticking with it. As I was driving S-Westerly (in relentless driving rain) I heard that the South Africans had left the ground, doubtless following Steve Rouse’s words of wisdom that it was going to take at least 2 hours once the rain stopped for any play to begin. Pat Murphy said he was “not optimistic” (Interesting that the Brumbrella is no longer due to it damaging the outfield and regularly breaking down!).
Perhaps the refunds can go towards the 2004 event? How can we ever relinquish this little bit of magic?
Thanks to Jeff for the food…brilliant and glad we have a photo (c/o Charles) for David to witness. Thanks to Dan for extending the Wadderton/Steed hospitality.
The ‘yard cricket’ was an even affair with contributions from all (Robbie and Dan can play, Ian was turning it flatulently, but who can forget Nick’s runout and Charles’ 2×4’s to win the second match?? Only eclipsed by Jeff’s dismissal as the rain started).
Thanks due also to Clive (the tip at the 20-20 was worth its weight).
I have already started to bore people with tales of being, “that close” to frog-in-a-blender”. I v. nearly got into the changing rooms.
Hard to believe it is over for 12 months after waiting for it for so long.
Hope paths might cross between now and summer 2004 but there are a few memories to conjure it up during the dark winter nights?
(Ian’s muling antics will never be mentioned again, like yeah…) As T.S Eliot (might have) said “you never know the true lengths of your achievements in life until you try to take in drink to Edgbaston”.
Until the next time, your obedient, and ‘still lively off a short run in small doses’, Admissions Secretary, signing off for 2003.
Nigel xxxxx
Indeed, “that close to “frog-in-a-blender”
Finally, although I have used most of them, here is a link to all of Charles Bartlett’s pictures from that event:
Steeped in controversy, the 2002 visit to Trent Bridge. For reasons unbeknown to me, the idea of visiting Edgbaston in May for the early season test match there was rejected by the elders of The Heavy Rollers, in favour of this excursion.
The following e-mail from Nigel, dated 7 November 2001, sort-of explains.
Dear Jeff, Ian, David, Charles and Nick,
We agreed, I think, unanimously that we won’t resume our traditional places at Edgbaston this coming year given that it is taking place in May. However some mutterings abound for us to up sticks and try Trent Bridge. This would be for 8th and 9th August, in Nottingham, against India (2nd Test) and it would mean adding in some accommodation costs if we do the 2 days.
So, before I do anything, could you let me know if you are interested.
In the end, neither Jeff – who pulled out of this idea quite early, I think – nor Nigel – who ended up withdrawing at the last minute due to Viv’s sudden and unfortunate indisposition – attended that year.
Indeed, on subsequent occasions, there were even suggestions (mostly emanating from Jeff, I suspect) that 2002 should be scrubbed from the record of Heavy Rollers events, by dint of it not being at Edgbaston and neither featuring Jeff nor Nigel.
Unfortunately, there is nothing in the sacred texts of The Heavy Rollers to provide a categorical answer to this question. Something akin to Exodus 20, with its tablets of stone and explicit commandments, might provide unequivocal guidance. But Nigel’s revelation that led to the Heavy Rollers is less tangible than that:
My judgment on this point is clear. Nigel had organised the 2002 event and would have been there but for mishap. Ipso facto it was a Heavy Rollers occasion. Anyway, history is written and shaped by the victors; I am writing the history of The Heavy Rollers and I have deemed this most certainly to have been a Heavy Rollers event.
Importantly, 2002 was the first visit for several people who had, or have, a regular spot in The Heavy Rollers story – in particular Dan Steed and Harish Gohil.
Dan – at home with The Heavy Rollers in 2003Harish in 2004 – by then a regular Roller
There was also an early example of a “one hit wonder” guest appearance that year. Here is the cast list from 2002:
Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil (a 2002 initiate);
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
“Nick’s Mate” Matt (a one-hit wonder, Heavy Rollers-wise);
Me “Ged Ladd”
David “David Peel” Steed (second day only);
Dan “Dan Peel” Steed (a 2002 initiate – second day only).
We stayed in a hotel described in my records as Nottingham Premier Lodge. No Premier Inns go by that name now and there are several in Nottingham – it might have gone or it might have been this one…or at least one that looked like this – click here. It was functional, most certainly adequate, inexpensive, and also, it has to be said, rather soulless, as such places tend to be.
I seem to recall those of us who were staying at the hotel ahead of Day One (all but The Steeds) purchasing a picnic of sandwiches, drinks and snacks on the morning of the match on the way to the ground. Not yet the post-Steed fierce debates, about Doritos and the like, that latterly echoed through the hollow chamber of Harborne Waitrose on the morning of the match. Nor the beautifully crafted and curated picnics provided by Mrs Malloy to ease the pressure on the pre match Day One proceedings. For Day Two, I am pretty sure The Steeds brought with them a fine picnic for us all; that tended to be the Steed way.
In Jeff Tye’s absence, I picked up the mantle of running the prediction game…a mantle that Jeff, within a year or two, ended up leaving on my lap for posterity.
Below is the very first prediction game template that I produced.
The unfortunately absent Nigel had secured us excellent seats. For Day One we were at the front of the Fox Road Stand, for Day Two at the front of the Radcliffe Road End.
The match was badly rain-affected, such that we only got the equivalent of one day’s play across the two days; roughly two sessions on Day One and one session on Day Two.
I especially remember Dan Steed sensing that the authorities made sure, on Day Two, that we got precisely enough play to deny ticket refunds but no more than that. I suspect that the matter was coincidental rather than by design, but who knows?
On Day Two especially there were lengthy breaks in play – it was very disjointed. I recall someone (either Dan or Matt) buying one of those souvenir mini bat and ball kits, with which we (mostly me, Nick, Matt & Dan) engineered some quite enjoyable “yard cricket” around the back at the Radcliffe Road end.
We probably looked quite comical – I have asked Dall-E to help me to reimagine the scene:
Studying the scorecard, I realise that those of us who were there on Day One witnessed Steve Harmison‘s debut and those of us who were there on Day Two witnessed Harmison’s first two test wickets. Priceless treasures for our memories of live cricket-watching, those.
Observant readers/link-clickers of the above link will have spotted flag wavers in the crowd quite consistently waving the Flag of India, which, in their hands and the hands of most wavers, looks like this.
Flag of India, regular look
Unfortunately, Harish went his own way with the waving of his India flag at the front of the Fox Road Stand, waving the flag thusly:
Flag of India, Harish style
Some India supporters spotted Harish and his flag and approached him. They gently explained to him that he was wielding the flag upside down. They also kindly explained to Harish and to all of us the significance of the colour scheme,: the green symbolising the land of India, the orange symbolising the glow of the sun above that land.
I have never forgotten their explanation and would henceforward be very sure which is the right or wrong way up…and why.
In a similar “never to be forgotten” vein, we Heavy Rollers have never let Harish forget the Indian flag incident, just to make absolutely sure that Harish never makes that same mistake again. We think of it as an act of kindness and educational policy to remind him about the matter at least once every four years when England play India…and occasionally on other occasions too.
Naturally, Harish’s trademark smile doesn’t leave his face when we are having such conversations.
I remember Harish cheering when England took a wicket, which to me seemed anomalous with the waving of an India flag. I asked him who he supports when England played India. His reply, typically harish, I paraphrase:
I love it when England play India, because whoever wins, my team has won.
I was reminded of this wonderful attitude recently, when chatting with one of my real tennis friends from Leamington, who said, again I paraphrase:
I always win when I play real tennis. I am on court playing a game I love. That’s a win. I am spending time with friends I want to spend time with. That’s also a win. I also try to win the match I am playing, but even if I don’t win that, I already have won two out of three.
I think this attitude translates also to Heavy Rollersism. Of course we want to see our team do well and go on to win. But even on the occasions when it doesn’t go so well for England…or on the rare occasions when we see little or no play, it is still two wins out of three because we are watching the game we love with people with whom we want to spend our time. That Nigel was on to something when the Heavy Rollers idea was revealed to him from behind the curtains in 1995.
Village Cricket At the Turn Of The 21st Century – by Dall-E & Me
We interrupt The History of The Heavy Rollers to cover a related (and soon to be overlapping) activity: Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society cricket matches. In the same way that we cannot entirely separate the birth of Z/Yen charity cricket matches…
…several of the people involved in Heavy Rollers outings in the first decade of this century were friends from the Tufty Stackpole matches.
Much like the early Heavy Rollers outings, there is precious little actual evidence from the events. The odd e-mail but no photos and no contemporaneous match reports. Only memories, which might be flawed or partial. Strangely, I have very strong memories of the first Tufty match and almost none of the second. Hopefully others who participated can chime in with comments and help me to improve the pieces.
The initial shout out for the first Tufty Stackpole match came from Charles Bartlett on 29 May:
Game against ‘Tuffty Stackpole’ (I met members of this team on the TCS trek’s in China and Peru). They are a village side and take their cricket very seriously. So experience will be useful. The match is arranged to be played on Sunday 15 July at their ground at North Crawley which is near Milton Keynes
Students of historical research based on e-mail trawling will realise why this e-mail was hard to find in my archive 20+ years later – note Chas’s spelling of “Tufty”.
It was quite a late night for us on the Saturday night in Halifax. Mike and Lottie sure know how to make guests welcome. I’m sure some especially juicy red wine will have flowed to accompany excellent beef and other culinary delights late in the evening after the show.
But that didn’t really matter, as we knew that we had time in the morning to take a breakfast at the Imperial Crown and get most of the way back down the M1 in plenty of time.
Actually we half expected to be stopping only briefly on our way home, as the weather was poor and the forecast, on Saturday, for the next day, yet poorer.
But in the morning, when I turned on the Ceefax (this was back in the days before smart phones and internet access on the fly), the simple weather chart suggested that the shoddy weather was at its worst in the North of England…and in the South of England, with the Midlands, including Beds/Bucks/Northants borders villages such as North Crawley, spared the rain and expecting sunshine.
We motored through driving rain until just after Sheffield – thereafter the weather looked promising to the point of looking like cricket weather. When we got there, we learnt that those travelling from the south had experienced similar poor weather until they got a few miles north of the M25.
Lovely village. Lovely cricket ground in the village. Great bunch of local people too. Tufty Stackpole was basically the veterans side of a “proper” village team. These people could play.
The Children’s Society team had its own weapons for that first fixture. Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks was with us, along with his uber-enthusiastic brother Martin. “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye brought his mate Biff with him:
Probably the best batsman in the county never to have played for Northamptonshire…
…said Jeff…and you don’t argue with Jeff when he’s talking up his mate.
The Children’s Society also had Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett, me and a few other enthusiasts of no fixed ability.
My abiding memories of the cricket that day are quite strong.
Most of the enduring Tufty folk were there that first time: Geoff Young, Glenn Young (I think), Ian Cooper, Trevor Cooper, Nick Cooper, Trevor Stapleton, Mike Archer, Nick Church (I think) plus the gentleman who sometimes kept wicket whose name I never learnt but whom we nicknamed “Builder’s Bum” because of his appearance when wicket-keeping.
With thanks to Dall-E, which couldn’t quite bring the troos down to builders’ level
We didn’t really have the bowling depth to put the Tufty batting line up under too much pressure. Nigel bowled well and took a couple of wickets, but in a 40 over match each bowler can only bowl 8 overs. Martin was quite useful with the ball too, but there were still 24 other overs to try and escape from;
It didn’t help to have several fielders of my “quality” in the long grass. I think it was at that first Tufty match that I juggled a couple of would-be catches but basically spilled them, much to the chagrin of my skipper and team mates – not that I was the only fielder to spill catches;
Martin kept encouraging his older brother, Nigel, to field closer and closer in the hope of snaffling a catch off his bowling. Frankly Martin’s bowling wasn’t really good enough to justify insanely close fielding. Eventually one came straight to Nigel at high speed, which he took, partly in self-defence but a clean catch. The bruise was visible at the back as well as the front of Nigel’s hand within seconds. Barely a wince. Brave lad;
Tufty Stackpole made plenty. Still, we had some weaponry in the batting department, so preserved an element of hope while everyone tucked in to one of the quintessentially English summer village cricket match teas, provided by, I’m pretty sure, the Merry Wives Of Tufty Stackpole. Derry Young was almost certainly involved in that aspect;
I asked Dall-E to help me reproduce the look of such a cricket tea – indeed there I am enjoying a cuppa in a virtual village hall before a lavish spread:
I was scheduled to bat 7 or 8, so I umpired at the start of the resumption;
Biff was clearly a proper batsman, but he hadn’t played for ages and kept complaining to me bitterly, whenever he got down to my end, that he wasn’t timing it properly and that he was finding it all very difficult after all this time. I tried to boost Biff’s confidence by telling him, truthfully, that he was, relatively speaking, in the context of our game, batting extremely well. Also that he would get back into the swing of it as the innings progressed;
Chas was one of the earlier wickets to fall and took over from me umpiring when the third or fourth wicket fell;
Nigel batted one place ahead of me. Biff was still batting well and keeping us just about in the game when Nigel joined him at the crease. Nigel himself can tell you the extent to which he was able to bat normally with such a badly bruised hand. I do recall Nigel getting his eye in and then launching at least one big straight six. At that point, just for a very short while, some of us perhaps dreamt of victory. But Nigel’s attempt to replicate the six resulted in a clattering noise behind him and it was my turn to bat;
I joined Biff and again tried to boost his confidence, which, given that he had by then scored well north of 50 and might even have been thinking of 100, he was still chastising himself for not batting as well as he used to decades earlier when he batted regularly. “Problem is”, he said, “I’m completely exhausted now. Do we have to keep running ones and twos?” My problem, of course, is that I don’t really have shots at all, so ones is probably the best you can hope for unless I take absurd risks. Biff was by now so tired that his scoring shots were not quite making it to the boundary so we did run a few twos;
Eventually Biff played a tired shot and was out. It was an honour for me to have shared the crease with him for a while. We were still some way from the Tufty’s score and frankly we knew we didn’t have the batting to score at the requisite rate, which might have been something like 80 runs needed off 8 or 9 overs at that stage. Big Papa Zambezi Jeff joined me at the crease with the instruction, “we’re to bat for the draw”;
This instruction was playing to my extremely limited skills as a batsman – i.e. to prevent a competent but tiring bowling attack from getting me out. It transpired that Jeff had similar skills. We frustrated the Tufty Stackpole bowlers and managed to extract some honour from that first match by not being bowled out.
…North Crawley has two pubs and the cricket club is honour bound to divide its business between the two. Over the years we certainly tried both.
We enjoyed the post-match conviviality for quite a while and revelled in raising a goodly sum for the charity. I remember that Janie and I got home quite late, ahead of punishingly early starts the next morning. We only made that mistake the once, opting to take the morning or even the whole Monday off after subsequent Tufty matches.
Yes, the big fuss is for that little urn. Do you have a problem with this?
In November 2000, there will have been an outbreak of joy in several households, not least mine, when we received the following missive from Nigel Hinks:
Just to confirm that despite “unprecedented interest” (Warwickshire CC) TICKETS have been secured in usual places (Priory Stand Row A 12-17) for the above.
Cost of £67 (32 Thursday+35 Friday). Payable as soon as you like………
Haven’t yet spoken with David. No assumptions about Wadderton or indeed David as ‘catering manager’. Just book it in the diaries and look at it throughout the winter months!!!
Nigel
Needless to say, Wadderton & David Steed’s catering management came through.
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett (like me, a 1999 initiate);
Me “Ged Ladd”.
The mists of time have left a mystery, nay even controversy, surrounding the absence of Nick Bartlett in 2000. I’ll leave that debate for others to argue out in articles other than this one…or possibly in court if the debate gets too adversarial.
Differently controversially, my team of mascots, which had included Henry The Duck & Hippity the Green Bunny in 2000, was increased by the addition of Bananarama Monkey-Face in 2001.
Bananarama Monkey-face in 2004, no doubt “in care” having been rescued from Jeff’s clutchesDaisy & I were adopted by Bananarama Monkey-Face in Pickering in July 2000. This image from his post trauma writing phase in 2014.
I don’t suppose that Nigel’s 1995 vision included duck, bunny & monkey mascots, but that simply shows that revelations of that kind only reveal part of the future story. It also shows that, to some extent, you should always beware what you wish for, even if it is something as wonderful and enduring as The Heavy Rollers.
Actually it was Jeff Tye who seemed least pleased with the mascot contingent and took some pains over the forthcoming years to ease them out of the picture.
Many of us had a sense of foreboding about the 2001 Ashes, despite the seeming opposite from some of us in the November 2000 e-mail bants:
Jeff: What a prospect – the tide has turned – England 480 for 8 after 2days in Pakistan – just imagine the score after 2 days against Australia at Edgbaston – the book is already open Charles !!!!
Me: I just hope those Aussies can last two whole days.
Chas: I do not wish to sound unpatriotic, but the Aussies will give us the most extreme test of our cricketing abilities!
Our sense of foreboding was more than justified. Here is the match scorecard. The sense that England might somehow be in with a shout dissipated soon after lunch on Day One.
I’m pretty sure this was the match at which Charles managed to persuade some autograph-hunting youngsters that Nick was Andrew Flintoff, watching with us from the front row of the Priory Stand.
Nick BartlettFreddie Flintoff
You can see for yourselves above that this must have been an easy scam to pull off, especially with Nick ‘s poker face showing no sign whatsoever that this was a lark.
Nevertheless, a few dopey kids lined up and collected Nick’s forgery of Freddie Flintoff’s autograph.
Frankly, I think Charles might easily have passed himself off as Freddie Flintoff at that time. Again, judge for yourselves.
Freddie Flintoff setting a fieldCharles Bartlett setting a field
Joking apart, and despite the fact that the memories of these matches, writing them up more than 20 years later, are quite faded, I do recall that we had a superb time yet again.
I also recall that, on the Friday afternoon, I popped out to the loo, anticipating an hour or so more of play, but when I came out of the loo the heavens had opened and everyone was pouring out of the stands. Nigel very kindly gathered up my things, rescuing Henry, Hippity and Bananarama-Monkey-Face from what could have been a very soggy demise.
As well as rescuing “my boys”, Nigel must also have rescued Jeff Tye’s “betting sheets” for the prediction game, which ended up in my hands for computation that year – perhaps for the first time but certainly not the last. Those relics remain with me to this day – here they are:
Unmistakably you can see Jeff’s templates with Jeff’s writing all over them…until you get to the computations which are in my trademark scrawl. I note that the going rate at that time was just 20p per punter per line.
I think several people had brought cars with them to the church grounds near Edgbaston Stadium with a view to driving home from the ground on the second day. Nigel kindly took me to the railway station on his way out of town. Our correspondence that weekend (I peppered his e-mail with comments):
Nigel: Hope you got home ok. Friday. We experienced the most amazing flooding in suburban Harborne after we dropped you off.
Me: Hope it didn’t hold you up too much – I got home c20.40
Nigel: Ah well we got the best couple of days and possibly the day of the series.
Me: almost certainly
Nigel: Shame about the collapse today again. But what a knock from Gilchrist who you fancied….just as well he didn’t get in on Friday!
Me: Yup
By November 2001, though, we were lining up for a breach of tradition in 2002. Nigel again:
Dear Jeff, Ian, David, Charles and Nick,
We agreed, I think, unanimously that we won’t resume our traditional places at Edgbaston this coming year given that it is taking place in May.
However some mutterings abound for us to up sticks and try Trent Bridge.
This would be for 8th and 9th August, in Nottingham, against India (2nd Test) and it would mean adding in some accommodation costs if we do the 2 days.
So, before I do anything, could you let me know if you are interested.
How did that all pan out? Well, unless you can remember, you’ll simply have to await the next exciting episode to find out.
Charles “Charley the Gent Malloy” Bartlett and I had sloped off to the nets a couple of times ahead of this fixture, if I remember correctly. The tuition paid dividends for both of us. We both achieved scores of 20 not out (retired).
But…
…on this one occasion on Regent’s Park, Z/Yen was to prevail.
David Highton, with his reliable medium paced dobble-bowling, took a hat-trick for Z/Yen, ripping the heart out of the Children’s Society batting line up.
Charles kept his pads on, as the “retired not out” batsman was permitted to resume if the innings would otherwise be complete.
On resumption, Chas somehow managed to lob the simplest of catches to me at midwicket.
“Tell anyone about that catch and Tony The Tarantula will pay you a visit. He knows where you live, know what I mean?”
I wrote to Chas early the next day, a long and rather dull e-mail about work stuff, in which I concluded:
Look forward to seeing you Wednesday – oh and I have not yet told [anyone] about the dolly catch.
Chas replied that morning with one of the worst, laugh-out-loud excuses for a dismissal I have ever read:
As I recall I was being verbally abused by some of your close-in fielders – and to my dismay some of my own team on the sidelines!
In an attempt to satisfy everyone (low scoring but wickets tumbling around me!) and finding it almost impossible to get a bat near any ball. Wides, no balls and balls trickling along the ground. I attempted a pull shot to leg, only to be temporarily blinded by a shinning white vision, which turned out to be Ian’s brand new cricket whites!!
That is pretty much as I remember it!!
One vital matter that emerges from this piece of cricket archaeology is proof positive – we might call it silicon dating – that I bought my cricket troos that spring, 2001, confirming that they are significantly older than England cricketer Rehan Ahmed, which was a matter of some conjecture and debate in King Cricket circles when that lad had his debut. Indeed they are older than I suspected when I estimated 2002 or 2003 as the purchase date.
The annual Z/Yen versus The Children’s Society cricket match was held in Holland Park around the longest day, 22 June. And it must have seemed like a long evening to the largest ever crowd of friends and spectators, huddling under the trees in the cool drizzle. Perhaps it was the bottles and pin of superb beer sponsored by Youngs brewery (via George, Giles Wright’s brother) that kept the crowd motivated and audible throughout.
Z/Yen batted first and accumulated 91 for 4. More or less everyone got a bat with several players, even Ian Harris, retiring not out. Restricting things to 15 overs per side saved the game from the impending rain, as well as the use of some handy Astroturf. Z/Yen bowled well – John Davies (Helen’s husband) getting man-of-the-match for his efforts – restricting The Children’s Society to 73 for 6, despite some late heroics by Harish Gohil and Richard Britain-Kelly. So for only the second time ever, Z/Yen has regained the Rashes (risk/reward ashes) trophy.
