Tag: Keele

Finally Finals Finished: How Lowe Can You Stoop?… Or, How Not To Revise For Finals At Keele – The Fourth & Final Part, Late May To Early June 1984

“Well I won’t be going back in there again in a hurry”, Keele University Library, Jonathan Hutchins, Wikimedia Commons

For many years, indeed decades, I have had an occasional but clearly recurring nightmare. I enter an exam room knowing that I have done precisely no revision for the exam in question; indeed I know precious little about the subject upon which I am about to be examined.

The nightmare tends to arise if I have a work deadline looming. But I can tell you precisely when I first experienced the nightmare…or perhaps I should say the experience that triggered that recurring nightmare. It was the sense of helplessness and regret I felt between my Law finals and my Economics finals at Keele. I sensed that I had comprehensively neglected Economics in favour of Law revision. Not that I had been all that diligent with the Law revision – as the first three pieces in this “How Not To Revise” series attest:

How Not To Revise For Your Finals At Keele, Part One: The Start Of The Easter Holidays, Early April 1984
A Tale Of Procrastination In Two Cities (And A Campus): How Not To Revise For Your Finals At Keele Part Two, Late April 1984
When Vision & Revision Collide: Including Plenty Of Tennis, Plus Students’ Union Stuff, Psychedelic Furs…Even Some Snooker & Football – How Not To Revise For Finals At Keele Part Three

Even when the reality of my poor preparation started to sink in – and plague my sleeping hours – in late May, I still somehow found plenty of time for tennis and other things:

Plenty of Tennis Between My Law Finals And My Economics Finals, Keele, 24 to 26 May 1984

Even the diary reports from those last few days suggest less than panic and plenty of racket-wielding:

Sunday, 27 May 1984 – Rose quite early – did quite a bit of work today during day and evening at Bobbie’s (B[obbie] cooked meal in evening).

Monday, 28th May 1984 – Did a bit more work today – especially at Bobbie’s in evening. Played tennis with Bobbie in afternoon.

Tuesday, 29 May 1984 – Worked quite hard today – shopped and played tennis [with Alan “The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman on that occasion] also – worked mostly in eve – Bobbie came back.

Wednesday, 30 May 1984 – Rose quite early – did some work – MICRO in afternoon – did some work and watch football in eve – Bobbie came back.

Thursday, 31 May 1984 – two more papers today – MACRO and APPLIED – pretty tired after – did a little work in eve, went to count etc. Bobbie came back.

Friday, 1 June 1984 – Last two exams – OPTIONS and SPECIAL SUBJECT – got wet and drunk after – went to Nick Lowe etc – felt pretty bad after and Bobbie came back.

Saturday, 2 June 1984 – felt pretty bad in morning. – Rose late – went into Hanley – did some shopping and ate there etc. – went to Lara’s party in evening – stayed in Lindsay.

I had a vague recollection of playing tennis with Bobbie once and I’m glad that the diary confirms the matter. I think we both agreed that the experience should be a one-off for both of us. I don’t think Bobbie much liked bat and ball games generally. She was a whizz at karate and very keen on football, mind you.

The football on the Wednesday can only have been the European Cup final between Liverpool and Roma – don’t click here unless you are happy to see the result. Some readers might still be keeping this result under wraps, forty-plus years later, with a view to watching a recording of the match untainted by knowing the result.

I don’t know whether to be proud of myself or denounce myself as an utter fool for attending a Students’ Union election count on the Thursday evening, having sat two Economics finals papers that day, before doing two more papers the next day. Perhaps I simply felt that I needed a bit of a break from the relentless economics. I wonder whether there is a formula and/or a law of economics to help decide the relative merits of yet more revision or something completely different for a few evening hours in those circumstances? Surely Parkinson’s Law should come into play?

I cherish my copy of this book

I love the line “got wet and drunk after” following my last two exams. Duncan Baldwin – I seem to recall – was involved in that traditional soaking – I cannot remember whether he was a fellow victim, perpetrator or both. Probably, like me, just victim in the water element but a willing participant in the libations.

I’m pretty sure that Bobbie had finished her exams before I finished mine and was being a brick those last few days to help keep me reasonably close to the straight and narrow until after the exams were done.

Nick Lowe At Keele

I was wondering whether Nick Lowe was at Keele or Hanley the night my finals finished. Fortunately, there was a preview in the local rag on the day of the gig, proving that it was indeed at Keele. Interesting article about an interesting guy:

Nick Lowe PreviewNick Lowe Preview 01 Jun 1984, Fri Staffordshire Newsletter (Stafford, Staffordshire, England) Newspapers.com

Here is a link to the then new album, “Nick Lowe And His Cowboy Outfit” on YouTube Music.

It does sound a bit scruffy, as promised by the man himself. I do remember enjoying the gig before exhaustion and alcohol excess took their toll on me. I’m pretty sure he played several of his earlier hits as well as plenty of material from his most recent release. This link to concert archive shows a set list from 10 weeks later, when this outfit was supporting Elvis Costello in the USA. I’d guess not the same set list but there would be significant overlap with the set we saw in June. After Keele, at least two stadiums in the next 10-12 weeks!

Next Up…

…waiting for the finals results, while getting up to speed for my forthcoming role as Students’ Union Education & Welfare officer…and some fun times during that hiatus period. Watch this space.

Plenty of Tennis Between My Law Finals And My Economics Finals, Keele, 24 to 26 May 1984

The late, great Alan Gorman, aka The Great Yorkshire Pudding, with thanks to Susan Gorman for the photo

Thursday 24 May 1984: Did some work today – played tennis in afternoon – worked at Bobbies in eve – came back after.

Friday 25 May 1984: Did some work today (not very much) – cold etc – worked over at Bobbies in eve.

Saturday 26 May 1984: Went shopping in afternoon (-McDonalds ) – played tennis in afternoon – went Bobbies to work in evening – stayed.

This was part of a short period between the end of my Law Finals exams and the start of my Economics Finals exams.

I do remember playing rather a lot of tennis at that time.

The tennis (when the opponent was not named in the diary) would have been Alan Gorman, aka The Great Yorkshire Pudding.

Pudding and I played a great deal that year, including several five match thrillers, which might well have taken in excess of three hours to complete.

I have a vague recollection that one of our five set thrillers did take place in that interval between my finals exams and I have a feeling it would have been the 24 May match, which preceded me having a cold the next day – a minor illness probably exacerbated by an excess of tennis.

Pudding and I were quite evenly matched at tennis, although we were very different in playing styles and physique. Pudding was tall and skinny, with “long levers” (as we say these days) and a fair bit of strength. I was much shorter, skinny, compact and comparatively feeble – but I was quick around the court and quite cunning in my style. Our matches were nearly always close.

We didn’t look much like this in 1984, but Ivan Lendl did.

The tennis courts were not much used, so we could usually play whenever we wanted for however long we wanted.

Unfortunately for me, several members of the Economics Department were amongst the very small band of other regulars on those courts, not least Professor Les Fishman, Mrs Fishman and Peter Lawrence. I don’t think they were impressed by the duration and intensity of our matches that close to my finals.

They might have had a point.

When Vision & Revision Collide: Including Plenty Of Tennis, Plus Students’ Union Stuff, Psychedelic Furs…Even Some Snooker & Football – How Not To Revise For Finals At Keele Part Three

So many books. so little time put aside for reading them…

OK, I didn’t have quite so many books back then, nor did I need to go through all of them for my finals. Strangely, I have kept most of the books I did read for those exams, as I have always struggled to part company with books, even dull textbook-type books.

This shelf – promoted to the least-touched, hard-to-reach top shelf now, has a lot of the material I went through for my finals.

I had three law papers to do: Civil Liberties, Criminology and Consumer Protection. I remember feeling that the Civil Liberties and Consumer Law material was still reasonably fresh in my mind and just needed a bit of cramming, whereas the Criminology, which I had been taught the year before, was far more evasive.

Because I had decided to defer Criminology until finals, I hadn’t done much on it during my P2 year, so much of the reading I was doing was “vision” more than “revision”. For Criminology, which is a fairly broad-based, sociological subject, perhaps that was just as well. I decided to focus my “vision” on books by the academics who taught the course: Pat Carlen and Mike Collinson, with just a smidge of reading around the topic. This seemed to work.

Don Thompson’s style of teaching Civil Liberties and Michael Whincup’s style of teaching Consumer Protection seemed, to me, to be more oriented towards preparng for exams, so my tutorial notes and just a bit of reading around felt more appropriate.

But let’s be honest about this – even in the 20 days or so running up to and into those exams, I was hardly devoting myself exclusively to the task. Diaries don’t lie.

1 to 6 May 1984 – Tennis The Only Distraction By The Looks Of It

Tuesday 1 May 1984 – Worked a little – played tennis [must have been Alan “The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman, as unnamed] – worked over at Bobbie’s in eve.

Wednesday 2 May 1984 – Shopped today – did some work during day – did some more at B’s in eve.

Thursday 3 May 1984 – Did a little work – played tennis with Viv [Vivian Robinson – strangely I have little recollection of playing tennis with her but it seems I did so more than once]– went to J-Soc in eve -> Bobbie’s to do some work later.

Friday 4 May 1984 – did some work – not much – did some work there [Bobbie’s] in eve.

Saturday 5 May 1984 – Did no work during the day – shopped plus played tennis with Pudding in afternoon. Went Bobbie’s in eve.

Sunday 6 May 1984 – Got up quite early. Did some work today – went over to B’s to do some more work.

Not too bad I suppose. I’m not sure how Bobbie recalls this period – if she recalls it at all. I think she had far better concentration and ability to revise/cram than I had. She might have perceived my restlessness as a distraction, but perhaps we were genuinely good for each other in terms of allocated long evenings to revise together. As a routine, it certainly helped me.

7 to 13 May 1984 – Throw In Some Union Stuff & Even Snooker On TV As Well As Tennis

Monday 7 May 1984 – Did some work – went to Constitutional Committee in eve -> Bobbie’s after – watched snooker and worked.

Tuesday 8 May 1984 – Did some work – played tennis with Pudding in afternoon – worked at Bobbie’s in eve.

Wednesday 9 May 1984 – Went shopping in afternoon – went over to B’s to work in eve.

Thursday 10 May 1984 ,- Did some work – played tennis with Viv in early eve – went over to Bobbie’s in evening.

Friday 11 May 1984 – Did some work today – worked more over at Bobbie’s in eve.

Saturday 12 May 1984 – Went shopping with Bobbie in the afternoon. Worked there in evening.

Sunday 13 May 1984 – got up early to work – worked over Bobbie’s in eve – re [her] first exam…

I don’t suppose many finalists persevered with Constitutional Committee 10 days or so before their finals. Snooker as a further distraction doesn’t really sound like me, however dull the particular chunk of revision I was doing that evening might have been.

I wasn’t much into snooker, but Alan The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman was and I suspect Bobbie must have been too. If snooker was Bobbie’s distraction, I was surely a willing participant in such distraction. Easily distracted from revision, me.

A little bit of Googling tells me that Monday 7 May was the nail-biting climax of the World Snooker Championship Final between Steve Davis and Jimmy White. Here’s a vid for those who like snooker.

14 to 20 May 1984

Monday 14 May 1984 – Did work today – Bobbie’s first exam – Ashley [Fletcher] came round – UGM eve – did a little work after.

Tuesday, 15 May 1984 – Did some work today – tennis with Pud [Alan “The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman]. Worked a little more over at Bobbie’s after.

Wednesday, 16 May 1984 – Went shopping today – worked at B’s in eve.

Thursday, 17 May 1984 – Worked quite hard on elections today – J-Soc also. Worked especially hard at B’s in eve.

Friday, 18 May 1984 – Day before exams – shopped in afternoon – worked hard in eve.

Saturday 19 May 1984 – CIVIL LIBERTIES [paper] in afternoon – did a little work in evening as well – earlyish night.

Sunday, 20 May 1984 – Worked some during day – and worked hard in evening.

A couple of references to working hard in the run up to my first paper, which does suggest that my work on those other days and evenings had not been quite as focussed.

I really did manage to cultivate the ability to focus and work ridiculously hard for several decades after this period…

…but very evidently not while I was preparing for my Keele finals.

21 to 23 May 1984 – Two Law Papers – Lows, Highs, The Psychedelic Furs & Tottenham Hotspurs

Monday, 21 May 1984 CRIMINOLOGY [paper] in morning – low in afternoon – went UC [Union Committee] – very down in eve also.

Tuesday, 22 May 1984 – Rose early. Worked hard on consumer protection – then CONSUMER PROTECTION [paper] afternoon – went Hanley for meal and Psychedelic Furs concert in the evening most pleasant.

Wednesday, 23 May 1984 – Went shopping, Pudding [tennis presumably] etc. in the afternoon – went over Bobbie’s in the evening. Did some work – watched football etc.

I think the low on the Monday after the Criminology paper was two-fold. I know I felt that I hadn’t had a good exam (it can’t have been too bad) but Bobbie came out of her last Law paper (I think European Law or International Law) convinced that she had badly screwed up. Of course she hadn’t, but I do remember that being one of the very few times I saw Bobbie in a blue funk about anything. (If only Bobbie’s distant memory were better, she could no doubt retell many examples of my blue funks).

By the next day I felt much better, not least because I sensed that I had written a decent Consumer Law paper and the added relief that the Law exams were over. Just Economics to go!

The fact that I had completely neglected Economics since completing my dissertation did not prevent me from celebrating the end of the Law finals with Bobbie in Hanley. I think it would have been the Chinese restaurant and then to Victoria Hall for an excellent Psychedelic Furs concert.

If you want to know what The Psychedelic Furs sounded like in May 1984, the BBC recorded and broadcast their concert at Hammersmith Odeon a week after the Victoria Hall concert. Here is that one hour recording:

If you prefer to see what they looked like back then, there is a slightly blurry YouTube from Madrid that year, part of the same tour, which is a very similar if not identical set to the one we would have seen:

The football we watched on Wednesday 23 May 1984 will have been the UEFA Cup Final between Tottenham Hotspur and Anderlecht. Football wasn’t really my thing, but it was Bobbie’s thing. Forever Everton in Bobbie’s case. Also, although I didn’t support Tottenham Hotspur (or indeed any football team), I had spent more time at White Hart Lane than any other ground, taken there as a kid many times by Stanley Benjamin and then later the holiday job work crowd, who also tended to favour that team/ground. You can read all about that UEFA Cup classic and look at clips of it on the Tottenham Hotspur site – click here – I’m not the only person who writes stuff up 40 years on, you know.

H Ackgrass’s Third Column In Concourse, Plus A Carbon Copy Of The Original Submission, May 1984

I told the story of H Ackgrass’s birth and first column (February 1984) in a piece linked here and below:

Keele Gossip Columnist H Ackgrass is born, Concourse, February 1984

For completists, here and below is a link to my article containing the second, ruthlessly pruned, Hackgrass column.

H Ackgrass Column From Concourse March 1984

This current piece shows H Ackgrass’s third column, which was published in May 1984. Somewhat irritatingly, I have the carbon copy of this one, which was more or less reproduced in full, but not the second, pruned one. I set out my grievance in excruciating detail at the start of this third column. Quentin chose to publish the grievance in full.

Here it is, firstly in its published form, from Page 11 of Concourse May 1984, then in its unexpurgated (not that it was much expurgated) carbon copy form.

If by any chance some readers want to know what Steve Cleary had to say in complaint about my second column, here is a copy of the letter as published in the same edition of Concourse:

Amongst my Keele papers I also have the original of Steve Cleary’s letter to Concourse. I cannot fathom how that came into my possession. Either Steve placed a copy in the “Ha” pigeon hole for Hackgrass to pick up or possibly genial Uncle Quentin gave it to me as a souvenir once I outed myself as Hackgrass in the summer of 1985. Steve might know…and Steve might, by now, have forgiven me.

A Tale Of Procrastination In Two Cities (And A Campus): How Not To Revise For Your Finals At Keele Part Two, Late April 1984

Last Thursday (by which I mean 25 April 2024), driving home quite late in the evening, I heard a short anthropological programme on BBC Radio 4 entitled “Why Do We Procrastinate?”.

You too can hear that programme, by clicking this link, as long as you don’t put off doing so for too long.

The programme made me think about my procrastination-ridden period 40 years ago, when I should have been revising more profoundly for my finals than I managed. It also reminded me that I wanted soon to publish the second part of my mini-series, based on that experience, “How not to revise for your finals at Keele”.

I must get that piece written and out this weekend,

I thought to myself. But guess what? A different idea hove into my my mind and I wrote something completely different instead.

Having got to Monday, I then resolved to procrastinate yet longer. But that would be too straightforward. So, this evening, I have decided to put off my procrastination until tomorrow and write the piece right now.

Peace, Love & Procrastination, 21st Century style

Trying Revising In Liverpool

Liverpool from across the Mersey

Thursday, 12 April 1984 – Left Keele after sorting out various business. Arrived [at Bobbie Scully’s place in Wallasey] late afternoon – had dinner – did a little work – went to a pub after.

Friday, 13 April 1984 – Very little today – walking dog etc. eating etc. Went Liverpool in eve – didn’t do much – not feeling so good.

Saturday 14 April 1984 – Not feeling too well today – very little work – walked dog etc etc – went to local pub in eve – worked and watched film after.

Sunday, 15 April 1984 – Rose quite late – packed etc – left Liverpool after lunch – got home [Streatham]. Picked up to eat – did little.

It’s quite possible that I set my standards of diligence and industry a little higher now than I did in 1984, but I would rate my performance, in the matter of doing plenty of revision during those few days on Merseyside, as dismal.

Might London have worked better?

Trying Revising In London

London – could I possibly end up even deeper in the poo?

Monday, 16 April 1984 – Did little work today – G[randma] Jenny and U[ncle] Louis came over for Seder Night.

Tuesday, 17 April 1984 – Did some work – went shopping after. Fairly easy day today – easy evening.

Wednesday, 18 April 1984 – Did some work today – went to Kingston Liberal Seder with Grandma Jenny and Uncle Louis in evening.

Thursday, 19 April 1984 – Worked quite hard today – did little else in fact apart from work.

Friday, 20 April 1984 – Did a little work today – went out for Indian meal – family came over an evening.

Saturday 21 April 1984 – Did a little work & taping today. Paul came over in evening.

Sunday, 22 April 1984 – Did very little work today. Makro [Charlton] in morning – big Carretto [Italian Restaurant in Streatham] lunch in afternoon – did little else all day apart from write up dad’s books.

Monday, 23 April 1984 – Did some work today – went for walk with dad in afternoon – evening taped and spoke to people.

“All work and no joy makes Jack a dull boy”, says Grandma Jenny

Hmmm. The Liverpool experiment was no more than one out of ten on the revision front. London possibly scores four out of ten.

Still, Passover and Easter are now done. Time to return to Keele and see the thing through on campus.

Trying Revising At Keele

Keele – I’m trying to remember what that building was for. 😉

Tuesday, 24 April 1984 – Came back to Keele today – went to the union for a drink at last orders.

Wednesday, 25 April 1984 – Tried to do some work – shopped – went to Ashley etc – last orders in union.

Thursday 26 April 1984 – did a little work today – Bobbie came back late afternoon – did little for rest of day.

Friday, 27 April 1984 – Got up quite late. Went shopping in Newcastle – did some work in the evening.

Saturday 28 April 1984 – Tried to do some work today – went over to Bobbie’s – fairly lazy evening.

Sunday, 29 April 1984 – Did a little work today – went and had a game of tennis with Pudding [Alan Gorman aka The Great Yorkshire Pudding] in early evening – went over to Bobbie’s in eve.

Monday, 30 April 1984 – Did some work today (not much) – did a little more over at Bobbie’s in evening.

Let’s not worry too much about this, folks. My first Law paper was set for 19 May, so there were still 18 revision days until then. But let’s also be honest about it; I seemed to be finding distractions wherever I went. Worse yet, those tennis courts were oh so enticing whenever I looked out of my Barnes L54 window and Alan “Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman was often on hand to help me get some much needed fresh air and exercise.

DALL-E image depicting me and Alan dallying

Part Three will follow when I can procrastinate no longer and write up the first three weeks of May 1984. Don’t hold your breath, but I’m aiming for publishing it three weeks hence.

The Day I Finished My Keele Economics Project And Went To A Food Co-Op Meeting With Ashley In the Evening, 11 April 1984

Co-operative Food Glorious Co-operative Food

Monday, 11 April 1984 – Finished project. Went library etc. Went to Newcastle with Ashley to food co-op thing – got back late.

My Keele economics project was a bit of a magnum opus. I set out to try to model the pharmaceutical industry, only to learn very rapidly that the apparent cost drivers (i.e. those that were visible in the public domain) had little to do with the actual costs and where actual economic activity took place – rather they were the product of tax planning devices to ensure that profits were maximised in nations with low rates of corporate taxation. Who knew?

I get heartburn just from the thought of writing up that darned project

I remember sheepishly asking Joe Nellis (latterly Professor Joe Nellis at Cranfield) early in the process whether I had screwed up by making a naïve choice of question? Joe simply advised me to “tell it how it is” and the dissertation can still do very well. Which it did.

“Went library” will have been part of the convoluted process in those days of ensuring that a project report was typed up and copied appropriately. I think I typed my own but had to pay for copies in the library.

I’ll scan the document and place it in the public domain at some point. If any reader is desperate to see it, pip me an e-mail message requesting that I upload it – that will induce me to do it sooner rather than later.

Ashley Fletcher

The evening at the food co-operative with Ashley was an unforgettable experience.

The meeting was in a pub’s snug or upstairs room, I forget which, much like Careless Talk meetings. Indeed many of the participants were from that group and a lot were Keele students, researchers and/or graduates. Bob and Sally were there, although this was not “Bob and Sally’s thing”, not that they considered Careless Talk to be “Bob & Sally’s thing” either. Also , I think, Simon and Theo. In addition, a fairly motley collection of local folk in search of cheap bulk food.

The group had been going for a while, although neither Ashley nor I had visited it before. I am pretty sure this was the one and only visit for both of us.

The group and had named itself “Esamrek”, which was a play on the name of the local wholefood store, Kermase, the idea being that the co-operative would reverse the worst excesses of Kermase (i.e. its desire to make profit from selling food).

I was not at one with this economic position, even back then. I was keen to shine a light on excess profits made by Big Pharma, not least by their trick of playing the global taxation game, but I was not against the idea of a retailer making a turn of profit by retailing food.

The first item for debate at the Esamrek meeting was the name of the group itself, which several members found cumbersome and/or tiresome. The debate on the name was quite lively. I recall Bob (even though it was not Bob and Sally’s thing) trying to steer the discussion towards “groundswells” and “the sense of the meeting” a few times, just as he would at a Careless Talk meeting.

One member, who I can only describe as a left-over hippy type by look and sound, at one point said:

…we should name the group Pan Foods, because Pan is the god of the sun and of the earth.

“Siri…Alexa…am I the god of the sun and of the earth?”

This statement somewhat silenced the group. I remember thinking that Pan was not exactly the god of those things, but, unsure what he was the god of, and in any case unsure whether that point was relevant to the debate, I decided (wisely I think) not to chime in on this point.

I remember a conversation with Ashley afterwards about this type of factual nit-picking, in which Ashley posited a business idea: a telephone helpline (premium rate naturally), staffed by brainy youngsters armed with encyclopaedias, to which this type of debate might be put and resolved. Ashley’s considered view was that pub debates up and down the country would very naturally resort to such a service and that the business could rake it in. That idea might have done rather well, especially in the early days of the mobile phone, only to do very badly very rapidly once Alta Vista and Google emerged.

Most amusing to me, though, were the debates about what to order and in what quantities. The group was too loosey-goosey libertarian to take firm orders in advance or anything like that, so they were planning based on the sense of the meeting and people’s vague notion of how much of such-and-such a product they might want at some point in the not-too-distant future.

Ashley threw a cat amongst the pigeons a few times by “naively” questioning the exact variant chosen for a particular product. For example, there was a presumption that the order would be for wholegrain rice. Ashley chimed in…

…I don’t really like wholegrain rice so I wouldn’t go for that. I might be interested in white rice…

…at which point several people then admitted that they quite like white rice and hadn’t eaten any of it for a while…not since they started buying infeasibly large quantities of wholegrain rice via the co-operative…

…while others were persistent in their desire for the wholegrain.

A similar debate ensued around brown pasta and so on the meeting went.

My recollection is that the group ended up in a state of some confusion, given that the only way the co-operative could achieve ultra low prices was through buying very large quantities of a very small range of products.

The notion of a supermarket with buying power and the ability to offer a wide range of products all at once, to me, seemed a rational solution to this micro-economic problem. There might have been a whole second economics dissertation in that.

I do recall laughing with Ashley about that meeting afterwards. Rather than a dissertation, Ashley thought there might be a Mike Leigh style play in the story of that evening.

Have you written that play yet, Ashley?

“Whistle for it, mate”.

How Not To Revise For Your Finals At Keele, Part One: The Start Of The Easter Holidays, Early April 1984

The meaning of this image for this story will become apparent if you read on!

Forty years after the event, I can still give myself the collywobbles by reading my diary entries for the weeks approaching my finals at Keele. Economics and Law, just in case you were wondering.

I never have been much use at revising for exams. These were important exams to say the least. I sense that I distinguished myself for these big ones by being proportionately dreadful at knuckling down to revision.

I was, at least, quite brutally honest in my diary as to what I was – and wasn’t – doing around that time.

This multi-part article on how not to revise for your finals might serve as an object lesson to students everywhere.

Let’s start with a transcription from my diary for the first 10 days of April 1984:

Sunday 1 April 1984 – Got up late! Did little all day – Viv [Robinson] came round in afternoon – had nice meal and early night.

Monday 2 April 1984 – Got up quite late – Ashley [Fletcher] came round. Went into town – shopped and went to Ashley’s – Bobbie [Scully] left – easyish evening – went Union with Mel [Melissa Oliveck] for last orders – early night.

Tuesday, 3 April 1984 – Tried to do some work today – not too successfully. Went to Union in the evening with Mel.

Wednesday, 4 April 1984 – Late start – intermittent work – went to union with Malcolm [Cormelius] in the evening.

Thursday, 5 April 1984 – Did some work today – intermittently -big demo against Police Bill [which became the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984]. Went to KRA in evening with Malcolm.

Friday, 6 April 1984 – worked quite hard today – shopped etc – went to Union in eve – had a bop!

Saturday, 7 April 1984 – busyish day. Worked quite hard on project today. Went to union in eve – disco etc.

Sunday, 8 April 1984 – Worked on project today after late start. Visited Q92 [my Malay friends] etc. Went to Union for last orders.

Monday, 9 April 1984 = Shopped and worked today. Went to KRA with Malc, Farm [Chris Spencer] and Mel – nice evening.

Tuesday, 10 April 1984 – Worked hard on project all day. Went to Careless Talk meeting in evening, then union, then K41 do.

Some points to note here. Firstly, there are some references to working hard, but they are unquestionably linked to finishing my project – i.e. my Economics dissertation on the Economics of the Pharmaceutical Industry. I am proud of that piece of work, which achieved a first class mark, but in truth it should have been finished before revision time came around in April 1984.

My flat, Barnes L54, had just two of us regular residents: me and Chris “Farmer” Spencer. Pete Wild’s girlfriend, Melissa Oliveck, was there, at least for that first chunk of the vacation, while Malcolm Cornelius was occupying Alan “Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman’s room.

One aspect, unmentioned in the diary but which I remember very clearly, was a short-lived tradition of making Irish coffee at the end of the evening on return from the Union. I was reminded of this a couple of weeks ago (March 2024) when my wife, Janie, ordered an Irish coffee after our meal in Petworth (see headline image and below).

“You were a role model…on how NOT to revise…”

I recalled that we were trying to get work done for our finals, so were not spending much time in the bar. Instead, Malcolm and I tried many different ways to prepare the Irish coffee in the flat – all in the interests of science of course.

I remarked to the maître d’ in Petworth that Malcolm and I had concluded that the essential component to make the cream float nicely was the sugar content within the coffee. The maître d’ explained that, to get a full-on Irish coffee to look the way the coffee looks in our photos, you also need to bring each ingredient to the right temperature before combining and use cream with the right fat content.

Back to the drawing board, Malc.

The woeful tale of my attempts to revise for finals will continue soon, after a short interlude next time, to describe a visit that Ashley Fletcher and I made to a Keeley food collective group in Newcastle.

A Fortnight Of Conducting My Keele Studies In London, Then Assisting Stop The City From Keele, Late March 1984

Forty years ago (he says, writing in March 2024), while I was at Keele, my relationship with the City of London was rather different from the way it is now:

Singing…Or In This Case Speaking… For My Supper, Gresham Society AGM & Dinner, Guildhall, 11 March 2024

Returning to March 1984 – following the election fever of the previous week…

I, Sabbatical: Keele Students’ Union Education & Welfare Election Week, Mid March 1984

…the next couple of weeks were relatively sedate.

Sunday, 18 March 1984 – Got up quite early – did very little today – visited people etc. Evening – went union and left late!

Monday, 19 March 1984 – Busyish day – shopped etc. Went union etc. Wrote essay – went to visit Bobbie for a while.

Tuesday, 20 March 1984 – Rose quite early – several visitors (Malcolm [Cornelius], Simon [probably Legg at that time], Bobbie [Scully, to be sure] etc) – sluggish day – shopped, washed, then cooked a big meal in evening. Very pleasant.

Wednesday, 21st of March 1984- Rose quite late – came home in afternoon – lazy eve and spoke to friends etc.

“Came home” meant returned to my parents’ house in Streatham. In order to try and catch up with my preparation for finals, I decided to retreat to London for a few days for private study. How well did that work?

Thursday, 22 March 1984 – Did a little work today – shopped etc. Stayed in evening – did a little work.

Friday, 23 March 1984 – Lazyish day – did a little work etc. Fairly lazy evening in.

Saturday, 24 March 1984 – Easyish day – did some work – Paul came over in afternoon – did some work evening.

Hmm, not bad. What about the next few days?

Sunday, 25 March 1984 – Did little work – rowed with mother – went to Surbiton to see Grandma Jenny and Uncle Louis. Had a Chinese dinner. Met [guess… Jimmy Bateman] in the eve at R&C [Rose & Crown – Jimmy liked that place] – early night.

Monday, 26 March 1984 – Got up quite early – worked hard both day and evening. Little hive of industry.

Tuesday, 27 March 1984 – Busy day – rose early, met Caroline [Freeman, now Curtis] for lunch – went on to Newman Harris in afternoon , and went on to Andrea [Dean]’s for dinner etc – late night.

Wednesday, 28 March 1984– left Teddington quite early – had lunch – left London – rotten journey (no LT) to Keele, went Thorns and union to sort out tomorrow

“Rowed with mother” would undoubtedly have been about the sabbatical. We hadn’t been on the best of terms since “Liza-gate” the previous year…

The Sneyd, The Jedi, The Parents & The Return To London At The End Of My P2 Year At Keele, 1982/1983

… and now mum had become convinced that I was hell-bent on becoming a perpetual student who would never, in her terms, start earning a proper living. Worse yet, I was going to turn into a “union man”, like her brother Harry, whom she considered to be a person who would always choose armchair-agitating over actually working. (I paraphrase).

“Went to Newman Harris” would have been a simple and satisfactory expedient to explain what I was doing and keep my job offer there open for an additional 12 months, which they were more than happy to do.

Not only a City of London connection across forty years, but also a National Physical Laboratory (NPL) in Teddington connection. Andrea lived in Bushy House at that time, as her dad, Paul, was Director of the NPL. Forty years later, I was hoity-toitying with the NPL crowd in Horizon 22:

Proving Einstein’s Theory Of Time Dilation & Stuff With The National Physical Laboratory At Horizon 22 In London, 15 March 2024

Returning to late March 1984:

29 March 1984

Thursday, 29 March 1984 – Got up at 7 am – went to Silverdale for Stop The City lines – played Risk and Scrabble, and got pissed on home brew! Got home pretty late.

Church Street, Silverdale by David Weston, CC BY-SA 2.0

I remember this day very clearly. “Silverdale” meant Simon [Legg] and Theo’s place. I was drafted in to help them act as logistics co-ordinators and a helpline for those students who went to London to join in the Stop the City protest – this being, I believe the second of them.

Here is a link to a wonderful gallery of photographs from the 29 March 1984 Stop the City, on Z360.com – well worth a browse.

I was asked to help because I was studying civil liberties law and there was a train of thought that the police might over-exert their authority and be open to challenge during the protest.

In practice, especially in those days without mobile phones, the reality was that the protesters were “on their own” down in London, with insufficient access to phones to enable any co-ordination or requests for on-the-fly legal advice.

I don’t think Simon & Theo’s phone rang once during the whole day. Hence, despite the crack of dawn start, all we did was play Risk and Scrabble while ploughing through a fair chunk of Simon’s most recent batch of home brewed beer.

The home brew bucket and paraphernalia looked a bit like this.

Simon’s theory was that his home brew did not give you a hangover, however much of it you drank, because it entirely lacked the hangover-inducing additives that come with the deal in mass produced beer. In my case, only up to a point, Mr Legg. But then we did drink rather a lot of home brew that day.

Despite my more-or-less-non-existent involvement, it is quite possible that I remain guilty of a capital crime in the City of London for even offering to assist such a protest from afar. Cruel, unusual and bizarre medieval laws have a dreadful tendency to crawl out of the woodwork in the square mile. Whether or not the Lord Mayor could or would grant me clemency in such circumstances I have no idea, but, as I am Freeman of the City, I am entitled to be hanged with a silken rope rather than a cheap and scratchy one, which is a very reassuring thought.

Returning to the end of March 1984 – the rest of that week was tame:

Friday, 30 March 1984 – Got up quite early – went union – and library. Bobbie arrived – cooked meal for B, Malc. and Ruth – early night.

Saturday, 31 March 1984 – Lazy day – Rose late – shopped. Lazed around – had nice meal in eve after quick visit to union.

Not exactly finals overdrive then. I don’t think I ever made it to overdrive, to be honest, as the next few weeks of diaries will attest.

I, Sabbatical: Keele Students’ Union Education & Welfare Election Week, Mid March 1984

“Welcome To The Top Table”. Picture 1985, with thanks to Mark Ellicott

I claim in my diary not to remember much about this week…John White reports similarly from his diary when he ran successfully for the sabbatical Union Secretary role a couple of weeks earlier…

Strolling Bones, John White’s Election & My “Photo Sesh” At Keele, Late February & Early March 1984

..yet there are several aspects of that election week that I remember very clearly, forty years later.

The Story So Far…

Just to summarise the story so far – I was quietly trying to ensure that the Union Committee for 84/85 would be a lot more effective and less chaotic than the 83/84 team, which was beset with ructions and (often self-inflicted) problems.

My dream team for 84/85 included my girlfriend, Bobbie Scully, as Education and Welfare sabbatical. Bobbie had other plans and turned out to be better at the Machiavellian stuff than me, ganging up with other friends to turn the tables on me.

I saw Bobbie at the Gresham Society dinner earlier this week (writing in March 2024) and warned her that I would be writing up the story of her stitching me up for this role.

Quite right, except the truth of it was that you tried to stitch me up and the easiest way out of it was for me to stitch you up instead

That’s clear.

A late Renaissance petard. There’s me, setting it off, about to be hoist by it, while Malcolm Cornelius and Bobbie Scully watch from a safe distance

Malcolm Cornelius and Annalisa de Mercur helped me produce my manifestos…

Education and Welfare 1984/85 Campaign Manifesto, University of Keele Students’ Union, March 1984

…while the Germans (aka Rubella)…

What Did A Dark Room, A Digital Manifesto, German Measles & Andrea’s Party Have In Common At Keele In Early March 1984?

…held me back from campaigning until the last few days of the race.

Other Random Memories Prior To Canvassing

  • I recall that there were 11 nominations for the role of Education & Welfare that year and all of us remained in the race and appeared on the ballot paper. That was believed to be a record back then and might still be a record.
  • I hoped to get endorsement from the Liberals and Labour…although I was a member of neither…on the basis that the position is apolitical, no-one amongst the 11 candidates was a member of either party and that my political leanings were (are) unattached liberal-left. The Liberals went for it without fuss…my flat, Barnes L54 was sort-of “Liberals Central” with Pete Wild living there and Melissa Oliveck hanging out there with Pete much of the time.
  • It was much harder to persuade Labour to endorse me. I had been a member of Labour Club until a year or two previous but had not identified enough with the local MP nor the party line to feel comfortable with formal alignment. One of the candidates decided to try to carpetbag Labour endorsement by joining Labour Club. Truda Smith, by then head of Labour Club, thought that was good enough. Frank Dillon, presumably thinking differently, took it upon himself as Secretary of Labour club to come round and see me in Barnes L54, give me a good grilling and decide who to propose for Labour endorsement. It was the first time I had a long chat with Frank, but for sure it was not the last.

Frank did not say, “Ian Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship…”

…but I did get the Labour endorsement and it was the beginning of a friendship with Frank that has endured.

The Legwork Campaign Began

Sunday 11 March 1984 – Started canvassing this afternoon- hard work. Went to KRA with Vivian in evening after.

Monday 12 March 1984 – Canvassed hard today – went to UGM in evening – left early – went over to Bobbie’s – came back.

Tuesday 13 March 1984 – Hard canvassing all day today – refecs, rooms, etc. V tiring – popped in to see B after for a while.

Wednesday 14 March 1984 – Canvassed hard all day – went Union in eve with Bobbie – came back.

I recall getting advice from Dr Scott on whether my rubella presented a risk to anyone – he gave me a rule to follow ahead of going door to door, which I think would have enabled me to start on the Saturday but I waited until the Sunday “to be sure”. That didn’t prevent one “spoiler” rumour that I was spreading rubella and might cause birth defects were I to infect a pregnant woman while canvassing, rendering me utterly unsuited to a welfare post. I remember being furious about that one.

I also recall some low-level attempts to spoil my campaign by the Tories, who saw me as a Union insider and a leftie at that. I particularly remember Laura Helm and one of her Tory pals trying to delay me and/or honey-trap me by flirting with me and inviting me in when I went to Laura’s door. Didn’t work. I dread to think what might have happened had I taken the bait. I remember Laura telling me after the election that she sensed that I would win it from the way I handled that stunt.

Laura second from left, with “the Tory crowd” – thanks Mark Ellicott for the picture

I also remember Duncan Baldwin, with whom I studied both Economics and Law, telling me that he was going to vote for me despite the difference in our political views, because he sensed that I would be honest and diligent, which he felt was what the Union needed. I remember being moved by that statement and also thinking that I would be well-placed if there were plenty of others who thought like Duncan.

I also remember my Malay friends telling me that they were not going to vote because they wouldn’t be around the following year and that they felt that the matter should be determined by those who would be living with the consequences of that vote. An interesting morality, not one that I shared but I understood it. I thought that factor might run against me if there were too many of my friends who felt that way.

I hadn’t set foot in a refectory for years, but chose to eat in them while canvassing. One person in the refectory told me that they were going to vote for me because I removed my plates and bowls from the tray rather than scoffing from the tray. I didn’t read too much psephology into that event but never forgot the strange exchange.

I oriented my campaign to some extent to encourage overseas students to vote. I felt that they got a raw deal and that there were interests of theirs that I could advocate, both on the education and welfare side of things. Blessing Odatuwa and Bobbie’s friend Lara from Lindsay K Block lobbied the Cameroonian and Nigerian communities (respectively) for me. I knew Tony Wong and others from the Chinese student community well, following several years of joint activities – Bobbie was also well connected with that crowd.

Election Days And Aftermath

Thursday 15 March 1984 – Whole day in concourse – very tiring. Went to J-Soc and on to Union after with Bobbie – came back after.

Friday 16 March 1984 – Big day – Concourse all day (charades at end!!) – result – won – don’t remember much!! Bobbie came back.

Saturday 17 March 1984 – Rose quite late – went off to Lichfield etc – went to restaurant in Hanley -> Union after -> Bobiie’s.

“Don’t remember much” is not quite true.

I do remember Bobbie’s friend Lara, in the concourse, trying to badger some of her fellow Nigerian students into voting for me.  Bobbie berated Lara for being overly persuasive – she was virtually dragging reluctant people towards the ballot box – but Lara said, “a bit of political thuggery never did any harm”.  She was 18 or 19 years old.

I’m not sure what I mean by “charades”. I was being ultra careful to do everything by the spirit as well as the letter of the rules. At one point, because there was a shortage of people to staff the ballot boxes, I noticed that both Bobbie and Annalisa were the pair on the boxes. Given that they were both actively part of my team, that felt wrong. I remember raising an objection myself, suggesting to Vivian that she must replace one of them in a hurry, only for all the other candidates to tell Vivian not to bother and me not to worry…they trusted Bobbie and Annalisa to behave impartially on the ballot boxes. That’s what happens when you are trustworthy.

Annalisa – a card carrying member of the Union

But hanging around in the concourse was rather dull, especially towards the end of a two-day election, by which time most people had either voted or long-since decided not to bother to vote. So perhaps we actually played charades, as I do remember a good feeling among the candidates…

…at least, there was certainly a good feeling among the candidates before we played charades.

The count took ages, not least because there were eleven candidates and counting was done using the single transferrable vote system. Malcolm Cornelius could explain to you in excruciating detail how that works. Ask him…go on, ask him.

Actually, the voting was quite close among the ten other people in the election, who I think all landed somewhere between 40 and 100 first votes. I landed just over 200. Thus I think the eliminations did need to be done one by one., which is very time-consuming.

I recall being nervous and fretting that I might have needed more first votes than I got in order to win the election, thinking that I might have been a “marmite candidate” who mostly landed only first preferences. At one point I remember Bobbie taking me aside and telling me, long before the result was called, that I should relax because I’d won.

ME: But I might not have enough second preferences…

BOBBIE: Yes you do.

ME: What makes you so sure?

BOBBIE: Because I sat on those blinking ballot boxes for hours and most people did their voting in front of me.

Of course Bobbie as right – the transfers landed in similar proportions to the first votes and my margin kept increasing.

The tallying might have looked a bit like this, only with younger people and no Gerald Ford pipe

The only thing I really remember about the celebrations was being descended upon by the gang from my old Lindsay F Block: Richard van Baaren, Benedict Coldstream and Bob Schumacher, who carried me aloft around the main bar for a while, much to my fearful chagrin. Big units, those guys, they were never going to drop me.

To Summarise…

I got elected as sabbatical Education & Welfare Officer in March 1984. I tried to keep my promises when in office between June 1984 and June 1985.

H Ackgrass Column From Concourse March 1984

I told the story of H Ackgrass’s “birth” and initial column in the article linked here and below:

Keele Gossip Columnist H Ackgrass is born, Concourse, February 1984

The extract from Concourse that follows contains the second published column. Unfortunately, I either failed to keep or mislaid my carbon copy of the submission. That second column was cruelly edited, as my whinge in the third column (May 1984) attests.

Unless I find the carbon copy misplaced amongst other papers (vaguely possible but unlikely 40+ years hence) we shall never know the detail of the scurrilous scribbles that were edited out, nor shall we discover which good jokes were cruelly pinched and inserted into other people’s articles in that March 1984 edition of Concourse. Naughty Uncle Quentin (Quentin Reubens, then editor of Concourse).

Anyway, here is the column that did get published on Page Seven of the March 1984 Concourse.