Tag: Lord’s

MTWD Lost Masterpiece: Barmy Kev’s 2007 End of Season Forum Report – Unedited Version, 26 September 2007

For reasons known only to himself, Barmy Kev didn’t tend to upload his own masterpieces, he sent them to me for editing/uploading.

This is one of the “Sportnetwork lost masterpieces” of 2007, rescued only by dint of that e-mailing for editing/upping process.

Any edits I might or might not have made are lost for ever, but here is the unexpurgated text as submitted by Barmy Kev.

More Questions than Answers or
Barmy Kev’s End of Season Forearm


A packed house at forum with standing room only for late arrivals. Using the Long Room was muted to dinosaurs at MCC as alternative, but all attendees would have to dress suitably, which would have severely restricted crowd, as Chris Lowe put it “with you scruffy lot”.

Chris Lowe congratulated team on Pro 40 promotion and 2nd X1 cup. Rapturous applause followed.

Chairman said some encouraging words about our fans support, youngsters in team, our conveyor belt for England, lack of Kolpak and legacy left by Phil Edmonds.

As question and answer session was about to start I had 3 questions in mind to ask.
1, What we are going to do about Katrik no ball problem?
2/ Whether go down Kolpak route?
3/ Questioning our lack of urgency in trying to beat Notts in LVCC at home.

The one I would ask would depend on what covered and my feeling at time.

My hand up, but a gentleman well known to panel was asked first. He stood up saying he had 3 questions. My view was that these were rambling statements and he was only allowed 2, “in fairness to everyone else”.

His gist was underachievement of team having not won trophy in years and batting this year. Neither were denied, although Ed made reference to poor pitches when batting first.

The 2nd statement was regarding coach and I’m sure he mentioned Duncan Fletcher as option, which around me was met with derision under people’s breath. The Pybus situation was explained and really covered MTWD speculation at time, with excuses ranging from our facilities, to wifey not settling and offer of old job. Agreed this was not satisfactory state of affairs regardless.

With my hand in air, next question was about comings and goings. 5 people mentioned leaving in strictest of confidence so I can’t reveal. Ok Ill tell you, one. Vaas won’t be coming back next year. Comings-an all-rounder who has done well in 2nds. Name not mentioned but assuming is Berg.

A Kolpak being sought after- (Muted applause). Someone close to signing. Clues. Is an all rounder seam bowler, bowling better than batting. On fringe of Test side and reading between lines South African. –not Johan Louw.


My hand still in air, a gentleman after tiresome long speech as retired MD seemed to want to stir up issues re how Ed Smith was elected as captain and that our hierarchy involved too many people. He did not seem happy that Ed was elected via Paul Downtown Working Party. Vinny was called from his spectator’s role to answer. While it was confirmed this was case, the decision was ratified by Embers but whether he had much choice difficult to stay. It was agreed that the hierarchy needed streamlining but everyone had role.

My hand still in air, but some legal boffin chipped in with 3 challenges to panel. He claimed the restriction of right to work for non-British born players could be challenged in court of law. He then spouted something off about Equal Opportunities. Finally non Kolpaks reduces our potential quality.

The points raised weren’t answered directly. Embers did say Kolpaks was not a policy but a “recommendation” by Committee. This arguably contradicts what Phil Edmonds has previously said.
My hand still in air desperate to ask something based on team and performance as felt debates were digressing from this. Next question asking if Kartik returning- confirmed yes.

Follow up about whether we will have squad nos. on shirts for LVCC and the size of nos. There was a vote in room with even result (subject for future poll here). Vinny said he would oppose these as long as he can, but chance that ECB will enforce these next season.
At this stage it was 7:45 and really felt there was not much time for relevant cricket discussion. I was relieved that a good question was asked about John Lever’s role and whether the improved performance of young bowlers was down to him or co-incidence. Embers actually thought it was co-incidence and felt strength and conditioning coach had big say in our bowlers. He mentioned one rookie with no name given “who needs to listen more”- any guesses?

Someone then asked Ed Smith whether he liked his job and what he found the most demanding. Ed obviously, said yes and used some standard corporate speak using the word “challenge in every sentence.

Murray then had his token rant stating Ed said he was “Autocratic”-which he disputed.

He also suggested our Kolpak should be an all-rounder spinner to replace Rymps. Embers stated none around if we went down this road.

As approaching 8:00-my hand still in air- old chestnut about whether Middx can have more say in Lords wickets preparation, in which a just seen pigs fly like response was given.

Then a good point about catches being dropped especially in slips, although the suggestion of sports psychologist to help was met with cynicism, as was whether distraction of captaincy affects Eds catching. I personally can’t imagine as ball comes to you at 80mph he will hardly be thinking who is going to bowl next over. Ed did state, especially in Pro 40 fielding was good and won us matches.

It was 8:00 and lots of hands including mine in air and Chris allowed 2 more. One was enquiring about Nash health and whether cover in place. It was stated problems stress related, but actual root cause not established, although his Benefit mentioned (We were asked to support Ace next year as he does not need distraction). Embers stated wickie cover not discussed at this stage, although we have a couple of promising ones from 2s.

Next question was asking for better tannoy at games and up to date scorecards. Stated matter will be taken on board. We shall see but I am not holding my breath.

Question of out grounds for next season. Southgate safe for another year and hope to have full festival.

One final question was it going to be me. No the gentleman at beginning was allowed a 3rd. I did not take note at this stage, but recall he wanted to have another dig at Ed and say nothing constructive.

Summary.
I admit I was disappointed for first time at forum, did not have chance to ask question. However, I felt there were a lot of questions and statements that served no purpose and wasted time. Compared with last forum where there was great discussion on how processes were going to change, there was very little that can be taken from this effort.

The brevity of official website report http://www.middlesexccc.com/news-detail.asp?NewsID=958 confirms this.

Party

The end of season party proved an enjoyable occasion.

Dial M received his Seaxe player of season award and I enjoyed his comment about “preferring it this side of river”.

Weekesey got deserved award on our Hall of Fame. His dad was entertaining as ever. I was happy Weeks spoke to me and commented how grateful he was for Legends flag, but found it when saw it intimidating living up to it.

Ed gave me a lot of time one to one basis to answer some points, more than I would have hoped for at forum.

Chris Lowe when challenged said he did not see my hand up, but there was a political reason why the 3 question ranter was allowed such time and promised me first question at next forum if I remind him. By then I was on 7th, I think, glass of wine so I was past caring.
A good mingle was had by all as another season officially came to a close

England v India 7th ODI, Lord’s, 8 September 2007

Who’d have thought that a seven match ODI series between these two teams would go down to the wire?

I booked this one mostly because Janie was at that time expressing a preference for ODIs and it seemed a rare opportunity to take in some late season cricket at Lord’s.

Still a bit numb from all that had happened this summer, my recall of this match is not great. We’d been out to dinner with Charlotte the night before – she left quite early in the morning while we prepared the picnic.

Judging from the scorecard, it looks as though India finally ran out of steam at the end of a long tour.  Lord’s tends to get lower and slower by the end of the season. Perhaps the Indian batsmen set off trying to score far more than would be possible. Perhaps England bowled well.

No perhaps about our picnic – it would have been a good one.

Thank Evans For Little Gullys, “MTWD Lost Masterpiece”, Middlesex v Gloucestershire at Lord’s Day 3, 24 August 2007

The background to the phenomenon of MTWD “lost masterpieces” is explained in this link – click here. In short, Sportnetwork permanently lost a swathe of published features from 2007.

But fear not; I tend to keep everything.

Readers will be delighted to learn that I didn’t really chair the judging of double-glazing awards, but I was chairing the National Payroll Giving Awards in those days.

Connoisseurs will notice Ged (that’s me) using the Vaughanian third person a great deal in this report.

Thank Evans For Little Gullys – Middlesex v Glos Day 3

Early Doors

Ged decided to do a day’s work at Lord’s today.  He has been asked to Chair a panel of the great and good judging for a prestigious awards event.  The UK Double Glazing Awards, sponsored by the Worshipful Company of Double-Glaziers and Sealed Unitarians.  Goodness alone knows why Ged has been asked to fulfil this important and pivotal role in the wheels of UK commerce, but some senior figures from industry, the civil service and the charity world are set to have their casting vote cast by Ged.

So, Ged gathered 28 award applications, his trusty digital tranny, a small bag of rations and off he set to Lord’s to spend the day watching cricket and marking award applications.

He didn’t leave home until 10:30, which would still enable him to get to Lord’s on time for the start by use of public transport or a Hackney Carriage, but part of Ged’s pleasure on such days is the 35 minute walk, so, suitably comforted and watered  he got to a seat in the middle tier of the pavilion between 10 and quarter past.  Ed Smith had added half a dozen runs to the overnight score.

 

Down to Business

While Strauss and Smith got down to business trying to build a score worth having, Ged got down to the alternative business of reading through several applications for the “Best Excuse For Dodgy Double-Glazing Craftsmanship 2007” Award.  The repetitive nature of the applicants’ claims chimed nicely with the metronomic accuracy of Lewis’ and Kirby’s bowling.  Both were unlucky not to take wickets, as they bowled well, although Smith and Strauss were rarely troubled that much.  Ged felt that seeing off the new ball pair would be vital.

Around an hour into play, Ged moved on to the “Best Use of Attractive Daughter as Decoy on Double-Glazing Sales Visit 2007” award; the delightful young lady who had accompanied such a salesman on a visit to Daisy’s house earlier in the year strangely had not been nominated.  And around that time Hardinges (announced by Mr Perambulate the announcer in the singular; “Harding”) came on to replace Kirby at the Pavilion End to bowl pies that were suitably despatched square (ahh, “square pies” I hear you all sigh) and in front of wicket for four with delightful regularity.

Lewis seemed to want to bowl at the Nursery End all morning, but eventually made way for debutant Tom Stayt.  This seemed to be a suitable time to move on to the “Best Repair of Double Glazing Damaged by a Cricket Ball 2007” award.  Straussy, by now motoring, clearly thought similarly, but on 75, just before lunch, he holed out attempting a big one off debutant Stayt; 135/2 and that’s lunch.

 

Lunch

Ged was very much aware that he wanted to follow the England game on his radio as well as the Middlesex game before his eyes.  And while he can cope with two sets of stimulation (Middlesex and Glazing), three simultaneous sources might blow his mind.  So he swiftly moved on to the largest category, “Best Telesales Bullshit About Discounts Only Being Available If You Sign Up For Double-Glazing Today 2007” award.  Abstemiously, Ged merely munched an apple and a small bag of almonds while he marked.  Such can be the glories of a pavilion lunch.

 

Afternoon Delight, Glaws Style

In the 35 minutes between the resumption and the start of the England game, Ged marked the last two categories quickly; only two applicants for each which made it easy; “Most Ludicrous Freebie Thrown In With Double-Glazing Order 2007” and “Most Flagrant Extra Charge For Something That Wasn’t Included in the Original Price”.  Meanwhile Joyce and Smith were going great guns.  Ged read the proposed eulogy for the “Special Award for Carbon-Neutral-New-PVC of the Year Award”, plugged in his ears for the England game and then set to, summarising his scores and filling in forms.

At this point, unbeknown to Ged at that time (Ged remaining in the Pav until completing his work), Barmy Kev arrived at Lord’s and took his seat in the Upper Eddy.  The score was 197/2 and Middlesex seemed to be cruising.  Then, against the run of play (although Kirby had been brought back at the Pavilion End), Joyce got one that really flew across him and he was caught well at slip.  Two balls later, Rymps played on trying to leave one.  Next over,  Stayt got Smith caught at slip.  And only one scratchy extra was added before Scott was caught behind of Stayt for a blob.  197/2 had becomme 198/6 and everyone was wondering whether or not Middlesex would manage even one batting bonus point.

By all accounts, at this point the Turkeys in the Upper Eddy offered Barmy Kev considerable sums of money to go away and never ever come back.  And by those same accounts Barmy “Goes4cash” Kev seriously considered their offer.

But Middlesex rallied a bit, Vaas and Murtagh eventually getting that vital 1st batting point.  Ged finished his work and decided to wander round to the Upper Eddy for a change of view.  Despite (or perhaps because of) his abstemious lunch, he accidentally bumped into the ice cream van and felt obliged to help out on a chilly day by parting company with £1.70 for a small cone with flake.

As Ged emerged at the top of the Upper Eddy, cone already long gone, the light was offered and accepted in return for an early tea, with 44 overs still remaining.

 

We Had Joy, We Had Fun, We Had Evans and Some Evening Sun

The Upper Eddy was the place to be for that evening session.  Early tea was a wise move, as no overs were lost and the light improved considerably in those 20 minutes and there were even hints of possible sunshine – indeed the sun shone for a reasonable chunk of that session.

Middlesex pressed on to 300+, despite losing Murtagh soon after tea, Murali Kartik managed, with minimal footwork, to support Cha Cha Vaas to a respectable Middlesex score.  305/7 was enough to convince Ed Smith that we wanted 30 overs at them tonight, so declaration came and there was much debate about whether this was too soon, too late or about right.

At 50/0 it looked as though Middlesex had goofed, but Ed called on debutant Danny Evans from the Pavilion End, who looked quicker than the “medium-fast” tag on  his cricnfo sheet and who induced a hoik behind square from Spearman, caught well by Joyce, a big first wicket in 1st class cricket. 1-1-0-1 read Evans figures after his 1st 1st class over.

But then the clouds returned briefly and Ed entered into negotiations with the umpires.  On came Kartik at the Nursery End and Rymps at the Pavilion End.  Soon Kartik had induced stumpings off Hodnett and Ali; Ed almost shook hands with umpire Burgess to thank him for the enforced but inspired owling change.

And when the sunlight returned, Murtagh and Richardson managed to snare one each before the close.

Could Middlesex induce a follow-on even from here?  Can Middlesex dictate terms to some extent to agree a sensible declaration, joke bowl and chase.  Glaws are -5 on over rate at the moment – pitiful really even without a spinner – play finished about 19:15 – so they might see such a scenario as a way to bag 2.5 points.

It’s really hard to get a match done in 2 days, but Middlesex did all the right things Day 3 to try to make that happen.

An excellent day of cricket at Lord’s, given the dire weather-affected match situation at the start of Day 3.

If by any chance anyone is still reading and keen to know what happened in the match – here is a link to the scorecard.

It Took Four Balls, “MTWD Lost Masterpiece”, Middlesex v Glamorgan Day 3, Lord’s, 2 August 2007

Having written up my recollection of this morning/lunch at Lord’s with Peter Cox, I realise that one of the Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) “lost masterpieces” (click this link to read the background to those pieces) relates to that very same visit to Lord’s. Intriguing (at least for me) to read the differences and similarities. Very long match report for a short session of cricket – perhaps that was meant to be the joke. Another one for connoisseurs, this.

It Took Four Balls

Ged Ladd reports on the abridged Third Day of the Middlesex v Glamorgan match at Lord’s.  Ged meets up with Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith to watch the denouement of this shortened match. And here, indeed is a “brief” match report, albeit almost as long as today’s session of play.

In early enough

Ged had arranged to meet up with his friend Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith for an afternoon of business and cricket chat, so it needed a few phone calls and a very early start to enable Ged to switch to a morning/lunch meet instead.  But Ged has seen so little first class cricket this season, and Peter is about to go off on his travels, so appropriate action simply had to be taken.

Peter said he’d get to Lord’s early for a pre-match bacon sarny, but when Ged arrived at about 10:50 Peter was nowhere to be seen.  Ged did a tour of the Pavilion, exchanged pleasantries with several of the regulars and then, confident that Peter was not yet there, plonked himself in the Long Room – the place he knew to be Peter’s favoured view.

Vaastly Experienced

Ged was concerned that Peter might miss the whole thing if he had been delayed for too long, with Chaminda Vaas bowling well from the Nursery End straight away.  Silverwood looked even more threatening from the Pavilion End, but of course Croft and Wharf are no rabbits and looked determined to bat for a good while.

In any case, Peter arrived soon enough and the pitch seemed to be doing absolutely nothing.  As Ged expected, Peter was keen to watch from the Long Room high chairs – something Ged has only ever done for the odd few minutes before, so it was an interesting experience to watch a whole (albeit shortened) session of play from there.

Word from those who had been around the day before was that Glamorgan’s batting performance on Wednesday had been inexplicably awful – indeed some said that Middlesex’s 361 was woefully below par and that the Glamorgan response to being given a chance had been pathetic.

Brains

Silverwood had looked the more threatening of the opening bowlers and it was always going to be a simple matter of time.  Peter and I agreed that Murali “Special K” Kartik should be given the ball pretty quickly from the Nursery End and so he was.  But Silverwood struck first with an LBW shout against Croft that looked pretty handy and it was no surprise to see Vanburn Holder’s finger go up.

Croft marched through the Long Room looking pretty dejected and then out strode Dean Cosker.  Peter and I debated the relative merits of 9-10-Jack, Peter favouring Cosker and Ged favouring both of the others ahead of him.

Meanwhile Alex Wharf was not giving up without a bit of a fight, using his feet to good effect and clattering a couple of decent boundaries, including a well-struck six.

All too soon after his arrival, Dean Cosker decided that he knew how to handle “The Special One” and danced down the wicket to a flat, quicker one.  It was certainly missing leg and it was certainly missing off.  It was also certainly a quicker ball because it took middle peg right out of it slot.  Always good fun to witness that.

As Dean Cosker marched off, I noticed the promotional message on his chest, Brains Beer, and observed to Peter that Cosker’s shot was hardly a good advert for that product.  A more brainless shot while attempting to save a match I couldn’t imagine.

Salivating Thoughts of a Win

So, out comes Waters and Alex Wharf continues to bat well.  Another big six entertains the tiny crowd.  Wharf seemed particularly assured against Special K, but set against both.  Soon enough, Richardson replaces Silverwood at the Pavilion End and eventually Murtagh replaces Special K at the Nursery End.  I suppose, to be fair, Ed Smith was holding out on Kartik’s behalf in the hope he could get a tenfer.  Indeed, he probably deserved a tenfer given that he had taken 9 good ones on a track that was offering him the square root of naff-all.

Tim Murtagh was putting the ball in the right place straight away.  Peter and I discussed that dreadful clichéd expression “putting the ball in the right areas”.  We even discussed whether the plural was a reference to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle.  I think a journalist should ask a player that question next time he uses the offending expression.  It would be good to hear the answer.

By now it was a little after 12:30.  Peter announced that he was mighty hungry and had a crazy craving for the bacon sarny he missed earlier by arriving later than intended.  He even got up and wandered into the Long Room Bar to see what was available and toyed with the idea of skiving off to eat before the end of the match and/or lunch.

Mercifully, such sentiments can induce a wicket or two.  So, it wasn’t long before Murtagh put his hand up, stepped up to the plate, came to the party and put the ball in enough of the right areas to induce a false shot from Waters.  Attempting to clip the ball off his legs, Waters mistimed it high into the air, indeed almost over Nick Compton’s head at square leg and it took a good leaping catch (perhaps milked a tad) to bring about the wicket.

And very soon after that, one from Richardson kept low to Alex Wharf.  When Ged says “that’s got to be out” for an LBW shout the finger rarely fails to go up.  Vanburn Holder duly raised his finger, the Middlesex boys did a little jig of delight to celebrate an emphatic win and the Ged/Peter combo dipped out of the Long Room sharpish to ensure that they were first in the queue for grubsy and beer.

Only Two Ducks Today

So there were only two ducks today – the two that appeared on Peter and Ged’s plates.  Washed down with a decent beer each, the conversation turned to matters of playing cricket as well as watching cricket.  Oh, and the occasional business matter, which had allegedly been the object of the exercise in the first place.

Had Glamorgan shown as much spirit for the first 16 wickets that they showed for the last four, they might have made a bit more of a fight of this match.  But they didn’t.  And Middlesex have a fine bowling attack this season, so we can exploit weakness when weakness is shown.

Peter Granny-Hyphen-Smith is still optimistic that Middlesex can go up; he thinks that we can beat Notts at Lord’s and that our games in hand, coming in (hopefully) better weather conditions, stand us in better stead than the league table looks at the moment.  Ged remains quietly hopeful but not quite so optimistic.  But for today, let’s enjoy the moment of a big win and hope for more such wins to come.

 

Lunch With Peter Cox/Middlesex v Glamorgan Day 3 at Lord’s, 2 August 2007

This was a slightly strange day. Peter Cox and I had agreed to meet for an informal catch-up at Lord’s this afternoon, during this Middlesex v Glamorgan match. The match was unfolding quickly, with Glamorgan following on and ending the second day six down, second time around. With the prospect of very little play, Peter and I re-jigged our plans to meet up at Lord’s in the morning and have a spot of lunch together for our catch up.

Meanwhile, I had visited mum and dad the evening before and realised that dad must be dying – he just looked so frail and spaced out. I said as much to Janie as I was driving home, indeed wondering how dad even had the strength to get upstairs to bed. (Answer – the following night; the early hours of Friday morning, he didn’t have the strength).

My diary says I had a training session at the gym with Becca at 6:30 that Thursday morning, so I guess I had time to go home and clear my morning e-mails before ambling over to Lord’s for 11:00.

The cricket didn’t take long to unfold – Wharf and Croft showed some resistance for a few minutes but then Croft fell and soon after the inevitable happened. I’m not sure that Peter and I even left the cosseted splendour of the Long Room that August morning. It was nice to witness a match win and the end of match formalities from the Long Room.

Peter and I then went to the Long Room Bar (a place where I rarely dine) for lunch and to continue our conversation, which naturally drifted into ageing parents territory as well as the cricket and bit of business we’d planned to discuss.

England v India 1st Test Day 4, Lord’s, 22 July 2007

Sunday at the Lord’s test with Daisy. My recollection of this particular day is not special.

I think we sat in the Upper Edrich for this day, as we had for the ODI against the West Indies a few weeks earlier. I think this was the day we found ourselves sitting next to Michael Billington and his good lady, with whom we chatted for a while.

The scorecard reveals what happened in the match. The day started with England in a strong position, then England tried to abdicate that strong position, until a superb partnership between KP and Matt Prior restored England’s position of strength. Wonderful days of test cricket at Lord’s should always be thus.

Daisy and I took the following day off work but did not venture back to Lord’s. Had we done so, we would have witnessed a nail-biting ending live – instead we witnessed it from the comfort of home.

 

 

Middlesex v Essex T20, Ravaged By Ravi, A 2007 MTWD “Lost Masterpiece”, 6 July 2007

By 2007 I was one of the small band of Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) website editors and moderators. I especially liked the editorial side of things and enjoyed writing slightly left-field match reports.

In theory, every editorial piece ever written on MTWD remains live on the site, if you can be bothered to trawl the archive and/or know which key words to Google.  Except that, tragically, a swathe of 2007 match reports was lost in a Sportnetwork incident that was never properly explained.   I refer to those pieces as “the lost masterpieces”.  In truth, at least one of those 2007 reports is a fine piece of juvenilia by a then student, now award-winning journalist.

Except, of course, that my own scribblings never die, they simply get backed up in infeasibly strange places – such as the archive pit of my main computer.  (Indeed several other pieces, including the above mentioned juvenilia, have been preserved in their final but unpublished format).

So I am able to revive my report of the wonderful evening Janie and I (naturally in the guise of Daisy and Ged) spent with some close friends, also appearing under assumed names.

In scorecard terms, this is the match we saw that evening – click here.

As I cannot link to MTWD for this lost masterpiece, here it is restored/reproduced verbatim below.  Some connoisseurs of the “Vaughanian third person” will appreciate several references to myself as “Ged”.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Ravaged by Ravi, Bopped By Bopara

  

Ged Ladd reports on the Twenty20 betwixt Middlesex and Essex at Lord’s.  Daisy was there, so it had to be a final over nail-biter finish.  Meet Ged and Daisy’s friends from Essex, John-Boy and Maddja, plus their delightful daughters.  The match twisted, the match turned, the result was not what Ged and Daisy wanted, but it was a good match, it didn’t rain and a fun evening out was had by all.

 

In early

Daisy and I both quit work a little early to be sure of getting good seats for our whole entourage, which includes two small girls tonight.  Quitting work a little early was not as easy as it looked.  I was seeing a client in Whitehall, unaware of tube problems, the impending Tour de France (some navigational problems there, or have the Normans invaded us again?) and finally a “gas leak” leading to Notting Hill Gate being cordoned off.  Suffice it to say that I got home much later than expected and that I shall be doing an hour or more of work as well as writing this report at sparrowfart on Saturday!

 

Meet the family.  We’ll start with my very good friend from Essex, John-Boy, whom I have known since we started University at 18.  Then there’s his lovely wife, Maddja.  John-Boy and Maddja were childhood sweethearts on those Essex/Hertfordshire borders – a rare thing indeed for a relationship to survive while John-Boy was away at University for 5 years.  Especially hanging around with ne’er-do-wells like Ged.  Maddja’s mother’s family are of Eastern-European origin shrouded in history, mystery and stories that would make a fascinating mini-series for the BBC.  John-Boy and Maddja have two delightful daughters, Bela and Lugosi, now 11 and 8, who loved the Twenty20 at Southgate two years ago so much that they were still talking about it when we went to their house for dinner.  We simply had to set this evening up and so we did.

 

So, Daisy and Ged somehow manage to get to the ground by about 16:45 and have no difficulty securing seats right at the front of the Tavern Stand, where we think the little ones will have a good view.  John-Boy phones to explain that they are all stuck in various parts of East London and town, trying to get some form of public transport to get to the ground.  Ged estimates that they’ll arrive 45 minutes to an hour late.

 

A pathetic start

Middlesex then did their best to ensure that my good friends got to see no cricket at all.  Wickets fell at horribly regular intervals.  5/2.  31/5.  50/7.  If you want details, go see the scorecard.  It was clear that this was not an easy wicket on which to time your shots.  Daisy asked me at the start “what’s a decent Twenty20 score at Lord’s?” and I replied 160.  Soon after the start I suggested that 140 might be a decent enough score on that particular pitch.

 

With the score on 50/7 and Ged genuinely thinking that his friends might not even get to see any cricket, our mood was not great, despite the fact that we had started tucking in to the picnic (well, neither of us had had any lunch) and also some rather jolly pink wine to go with the Middlesex pink theme.

 

At 55/7 John-Boy phoned.  “We’re here.  The girls are in the loo but we’ll be with you in a jiffy.  What’s the score?”  “Middlesex are having a shocker,” I said, “55/7”.  “I don’t think I heard that right”, said John, “that sounded like seven”.  “Seven”.  “Blimey!”

 

Middlesex revive

So, our dear friends from Essex, John-Boy, Maddja, Bela and Lugosi arrive and at the same time Middlesex revive.  They are in very good spirits for people who have spent hours fighting their way across London and we all hunker down to our picnic and watch the show.

 

Murtagh and Keegan in particular show what can be done on this wicket once the batsman is in.  Both found it hard to time the ball at first, but once set the runs come quite easily and their bowlers find it hard.   Both of the Essex overseas bowlers, Bichel and Kaneria, go for plenty of runs.  A late flurry unperturbed by the risk of being all out gets Middlesex to 126.

 

We have a game on our hands.

 

John-Boy and Ged are reminded of the Southgate fixture 3 or 4 years ago, when Essex were rolled for not many.  Middlesex cruised to the total.  Would this one be a cruise or was 126 competitive?  Ged suspected “low end of competitive” and mused “Middlesex have bowled better than they have batted so far this season”.

 

Essex start slowly

Middlesex bowled well and Essex were no more able to use the first 6 overs than Middlesex.  They even took almost as many balls to reach 50 as Middlesex (over 60 balls in each case), but they kept wickets in hand and that proved to be vital.

 

Whilst Flower was blooming I kept saying to JohnBoy “if we get Flower now I think you’re in trouble”.  Then, once he had gone, the Ged mantra changed to “if we get Bopara now I think you’re in trouble” but that vital wicket never came.

 

Meanwhile Bela and Lugosi were on their best behaviour despite not being allowed to run all over the park during the interval and having been told in no uncertain terms that running around that particular park after the game was also prohibited at Lord’s.  However, Ged had a cunning plan for after the match, based on his trusty “run around the park tennis ball” and the Coronation Gardens.

 

Shrink that target

Maddja, who is an eminent psycho-therapist, was meanwhile busy telling Daisy about her latest therapeutic technique, a conversation so bizarre it is simply beyond parody.

 

And talking of shrinking, the target was getting lower and the score converging on that oh so helpful Duckworth-Lewis par score which gives you a very good idea who is on top and who isn’t, even when the skies are blue.

 

Rymps is not bowling well, and Ged muses that we have to find a couple of overs from somewhere (if not Rymps, who) and those overs will be targeted.

 

Murali Kartik meanwhile has bowled absolutely beautifully – Scotty is right back in the swing of things with “quick as a flash” stumpings.  Also off Kartik’s bowling Chad Keegan takes one of the best outfield catches you will ever see – he’s back in leaping salmon mode is Chad and let’s all hope he stays there.  And then, when Kartik comes back fro his final over, he also cleans up Ryan ten Doeschate and Ged realises that we might be back in the hunt if we can somehow hide those goat overs and/or somehow get rid of Ravi Bopara.

 

But it wasn’t to be.  With 11 needed off the last over, we had to prevent the boundaries and the one really poor ball Murtagh bowled at the death went for a heartbreaking six.  It was all over bar the shouting then.  JohnBoy and Ged had been trading clichés all evening.  (JohnBoy is a Leyton Orient man normally).  Ged described Chad’s catch as “worth the entry money alone” (as indeed was Murali Kartik’s spell).  With the six, it was “all over bar the shouting” and once it was really all over Ged was “gutted”.

 

Coronation Time

We get to the Coronation Garden to find a huge queue of kids.  Do you have to queue to throw a ball around the garden I mused, but soon realised that the queue was for autographs and a whole row of tables and chairs have been set up for the players to sign stuff for the kids.  I’d never seen this ritual before and was actually very impressed that the players spend so much time after the game doing that.  The queue looked almost endless.

 

JohnBoy, Lugosi and I start off with some catching practice while the others go off to the loo.  Then we all play a “piggy-in-the-middle”/”tag team” game which was great fun.  We rarely collide with the backs of the players who are too busy signing to care or even notice.

 

This is cricket for all the family as it is meant to be.  Of course I’m disappointed that we didn’t qualify – especially as we came so close in this match – and especially as the other results did go our way sufficiently that we would have qualified had we won.  But you can’t quibble with played 5 lost 3 didn’t qualify.  And you can’t quibble with the fact that we almost snatched victory from the jaws of defeat tonight and that some of our players were just excellent.  And you can’t quibble with that row of players from both sides, making the kids happy – they were still signing away once we had exhausted ourselves with our silly game and were trudging home into the night.

 

Lizzie and the Oiks – Middlesex Break Surrey Jinx, An MTWD Lost Masterpiece By Lizzie J, 3 July 2007

I have dug out this ancient MTWD piece on the back of an e-conversation with Jez regarding Middlesex’s record against Surrey at T20.

Jez thought Middlesex didn’t break the jinx until the glory year of 2008…

Another Works Outing To Lord’s Within A Few Days, Middlesex v Surrey, 16 June 2008

…but actually the jinx was broken a year earlier.

Here is a link to the scorecard.

I can find no e-mail trail to ascertain whether we attended that night or indeed why we didn’t – perhaps my diary will yield a reason…or perhaps we intended to go and the rain simply put us off.

Postscript

Jez writes:

Ah, yes, I do remember that one now – in fact, very well. It is one of the two occasions I have got Sarah to Lords (she left when it started raining because she was bored). Not sure if that was a works outing either – I suspect it may have been, as was tradition around those years anyway.

That in itself was almost as good as the day in 2008 – Surrey really struggled after a good start, Ramprakash particularly, who really couldn’t get it out the park that day. After an early wicket, our chase never looked in doubt (apart from to the Middlesex faithful that had never seen us beat Surrey until then).

Ah, yes, I vaguely remember too. It is in my diary to attend and I think I did go. I don’t think many (if any) other people from the Z/Yen office joined us – I think there was a relatively large group of Jez’s old mates from Uni plus Jez’s brother Ben plus Sarah.

I certainly remember going on one occasion when Sarah was there looking mighty bored and then she left early, politely saying that she “had a bit of a migraine”.

I also remember one occasion when brother Ben seemed incredulous that Middlesex could possibly have won that micro London derby.

Lizzie J’s Charming MTWD “Lost Masterpiece” Report

The MTWD report from that night is from the “lost masterpieces period”, i.e. the period for which Sportnetwork lost all of its features.

But Ged Ladd’s archive has been safely in the cloud throughout, so I managed to dig out the unedited version of Lizzie J’s charming report, which was published under the above headline.

She was/is such a good writer, I probably hardly edited the piece at all:

Middlesex v Surrey

Twenty20 Cup

Lord’s

Pre-match

To my relief, I was relieved of my duties as being a “responsible adult” as two other members of the PE staff decided to come on this school trip, so I could go back to my original plan of having nothing to do with the small children. Especially as I’d been portrayed as some kind of “Miss Middlesex” some of them seemed to think I was going to get them free stuff. Er. No!

Anyway. About thirty paces away from Lord’s it absolutely bucketed it, complete with thunder and lightning. As I was in shorts [it was sunny when I left Slough!], wasn’t too impressed. And while I was getting searched, they elected to take out my Spanish notes and read them, so they got soaked. Good. Quick change into trousers, I resembled a drowned rat. Headed off into Lower Compton, we’d won the toss and elected to field, 19 overs aside.

Surrey Innings

Chadders and Dial M opened up the bowling, while Benning seemed to have fun spanking fours all over the place before being bowled by the excellent Henderson. Brown went first, caught Joycey bowled Murts, and was delighted to see Ramps go for six to the bowling of Henderson! Umbrellas went up at 49-1, but the shower passed fairly quickly. JD got the last two wickets, having Butcher stumped for 5 and Batty caught by Murts for 6, before at 13 and a bit overs it decided to rain. Again. This time heavily.

Rain Break

Couldn’t be bothered to move, I was too cold, so I spent the interval huddled in my England fleece which I’d bought earlier, and then realised still had a electric tag in it. Was quite uncomfortable. Had no idea how I made it out of the shop. Still. We’d already opted for the extra half hour, and play reconvened at five past eight, with us needing 73 off 10 overs. Excellent, I reckoned. We’d do it.

Middlesex Innings

Out came Smiffy and Morgs to Lily The Pink, which I was happily humming, I’d barely made it past the chorus when the Skipper skied it to Benning for a duck. Oh. Hmm. Wasn’t happy. But Joycey and Morgs put on a brilliant stand, especially when Joycey hit three successive boundaries. Joycey unfortunately fell to Schofield, but JD and Morgs saw us home, JD with an impressive 26 not out off 15 balls. Had some champagne to celebrate, finally the Surrey jinx was over!

To sum up:

Wet. Cold. But extremely happy!

MTWD scraped/republished the above piece in the winter of 2018/2019 – click here.

England v West Indies, 1st ODI, Lord’s, 1 July 2007

It was just me and Janie that day. After Pauline’s extraordinary behaviours over cricket and Proms for two years in a row, Janie threatened to dump me if I was daft enough to get Pauline a ticket again in 2007. I took the hint.

I think we were in the Upper Edrich and reasonably near the front.

My main memory of the day was calling my folks from the ground before the game started – we always try to get in early ahead of the crush at the gates. Mum reminded me that dad had not finished his food when we all went out for dinner on the Friday before – described here. She then added that he had pretty much not eaten since, claiming that he had no appetite; she was worried. I remember trying to allay her concerns while agreeing that they should go to the doctor the next day (Monday) if he did not feel better in the meantime. I remember also confiding to Janie that I thought it was a very worrying matter. My dad being off his food was a non-trivial turn of events.

Ah yes, the cricket match. In truth, I really don’t remember much about this match.

Fortunately, for those of us with short memories for ODIs in years gone by, there is the Cricinfo scorecard to remind us what happened. An England win in an ODI at Lord’s – how could any of us forget?

 

Middlebrook Mauls Middlesex, “MTWD Lost Masterpiece”, Middlesex v Essex at Lord’s, Day One, 15 June 2007

The background to the phenomenon of MTWD “lost masterpieces” is explained in this link – click here. In short, Sportnetwork permanently lost a swathe of published features from 2007.

But fear not; I tend to keep everything. So the following report, a visit to Lord’s with Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett, is available here for all to see.

I can think of at least two people who should still find this report interesting and amusing.

Middlebrook Mauls Middlesex

 

Ged Ladd reports on day one of the CC game against Essex at Lord’s.  Ged’s guest, Charley “The Gent” Malloy, returns for more cricket this year.  Charley, who last year was Durham to the core by the end of that day, turns out to be the quintessential Essex boy by the end of this day.   But the worst performance was the weather forecaster – the only real shower was some of the afternoon bowling.

 

Fashionably Late, Again

At 10:10 Ged receives a text from his guest, Charley “The Gent” Malloy, stating that he as at Newbury Park tube but still hopes to get to Lord’s for the start of play.  Some hope, thinks Ged, who sets off 5 minutes later, as planned, picnic in hand.

Ged arrives in time for the start of play and decides to go to the Upper Allen for a short time to watch while waiting for Charley.  Ged bumps in to Gerry the Bookseller up there, who gets very excited at the thought that Charley is coming, as there’s always a chance of book business when Charley is around.

Charley arrives surprisingly quickly, before 11:15, so he and Ged decamp to the Pavilion to enjoy some “behind the bowler’s arm” stuff.   From there, Silverwood’s LBWs looked pretty good to us – indeed Pettini could easily have gone LBW a couple of balls before he actually did go.

There was just a smidgeon of swing and the constant fall of wickets seemed odd given the flatness of the pitch.  Silvers and Vaas bowled well, as did Murtagh before he pulled up.

I saw that Murtagh injury as a really ominous sign, even while the wickets were falling, but daren’t mention it to Charley who was weakening his pint of Pedigree by crying into it.  Charley tried to remind me that he was a Durham man really, but I don’t fall for that stuff any more.  He consoles himself with some sausages and sausage rolls as nibbles – very nice with the Pedi.

Everything went right for Middlesex in the morning.  Ed Smith must have juggled Foster three or four times before holding on to the slip chance, for example.

Five down at lunch – what a great start for Middlesex.  We’re told that Chester-Le-Street is rained off for the day.

 

Luncheon

We take luncheon in the Coronation Gardens.  Pastrami and Swiss rolls washed down with a nice South African red.  We watch some youngsters playing cricket on the lawn – as usual Charley can hardly hold himself back from joining in.   Eventually the ball comes my way, so I indicate that I’d like to bowl it back.  I bowl a piercing Yorker at the lad who digs it out very well.  “Oh”, says the school master (straight from central casting in look and voice), “would you mind bowling him another?”  Naturally I oblige; another Yorker, another good safe defensive shot.  Charley looks well left out.  “May my friend have a go?” I ask.  “Of course,” says the school master.  So Charley takes the heavy-rubber practice ball and bowls a bouncer, which the young batsman leaves to sail a couple of inches past his nose.  “That’s what I was telling you about Andy Roberts” says the schoolmaster, “fiendish bouncers he bowled”.  How can you bowl a bouncer at a kid like that?  Charley’s problem is that he gets overexcited very easily, where cricket is concerned at least.

 

Lovely afternoon weatherwise

Given the weather forecast, and the fact it was clouding over, we thought we’d be lucky to see much cricket after lunch.  But the tiny shower soon cleared and Middlesex took a quick wicket after lunch.  Bichel joined Middlebrook and there they stayed for what seemed like ever.

We went to the bowlers bar and got chatting with some friends of mine – some more recent Lord’s acquaintances, some old friends from years gone by.  We drank, we watched a bit, we wandered round to the Upper Edrich, we wandered round to the Mound Stand.  We watched.  We ate some more (smoked salmon rolls, ginger biscuits).

Charley, of course, became increasingly Essex as the day went on and as the game turned Essex’s way.  Indeed, by the end he was telling me tales of bravery walking through Romford Estates at 3.00 a.m. or some such.  I wasn’t really listening.

Bichel holed out as soon as he reached his well-deserved 100.

The new ball did nothing – indeed Kartik and Joyce were bowling with it by the close of play.  Joyce had a big caught behind shout turned down.

 

So What Went Wrong for Middlesex?

Losing Murtagh right at the start was a huge blow.  If only we could have finished Essex off when we had them on the ropes, but now this match looks like a tough one, unless we can post a monster first innings score.  Frankly, there seems to be nothing in the wicket so perhaps that monster score is possible.

Rymps’ bowling looked well below par to me.  Silvers, Vaas and Kartik all bowled well but three main bowlers ain’t enough.  Kartik in particular I thought deserved more luck.  Ben Scott looked woefully out of sorts behind the stumps.  Most of the fielding was energetic and fine – the odd lapse but there usually is when in the field all day.

And you have to hand it to Middlebook, Bichel and latterly Tudor who batted well and made the most of the circumstances.

And of course the inspired captaincy of Pettini, not declaring on 97/6.

As always, of course, I still enjoyed my day at Lord’s.  As I always say on these occasions, I cannot spend a day watching 1st class cricket and not enjoy it.  And of course, as always, Charley “The Gent” and I have developed a cunning master plan for winning our “UnPro 40” match this year.  Our plot last year was so successful (we won at a canter) we actually need an even more cunning plan this year to ensure that we win, but only just.  Similarly, I don’t mind if Middlesex merely scrape a win out of this match now!  Indeed, a 12 point draw would be fine from here.

If by any chance anyone is still reading and wishes to see the scorecard from this match, here is a link to that very card.