Tag: Michael Mainelli

The Day Michael Mainelli & I Witnessed Nick Compton Make His Maiden County Championship Hundred From The Compton Stand, 28 April 2006

A little over 10 years later…

Michael Mainelli and I had formed a tradition – I think 2006 was the third instance of it – that I would take Michael as my guest to a day of county cricket early season, before the crowds get larger and (most importantly) before the days get hotter.

Some like it hot, but Michael REALLY doesn’t like it hot.

So, Day 3, Friday, first county championship match of the season seemed just the ticket. In many ways it was. Middlesex v Kent. Good fixture. April.

The match was well advanced by the start of Day 3 but not too well advanced.

The cricinfo scorecard and resources for this match can be found here.

As tradition would have it…this sort of thing IS a tradition by the third time, possibly even by the second time…we watched the first session from the pavilion. Then, at lunch, as tradition would also have it, we perambulated on the outfield (smaller crowd than Middlesex’s glorious September 2016 match depicted above), then retired to Harry Morgan to grab some takeaway New York deli-style food – probably a chopped liver sandwich to share plus a salt beef sandwich each plus some pickled cucumbers.

We took our feast back to Lord’s in time to munch, drink some fine red wine and watch the second session of cricket from the Compton Stand.

The Compton Stand offered a rather binary choice; absolutely exposed to the elements in the upper tier, or caged in away from the elements in the lower tier. As I write in September 2019, that stand is being demolished, together with its smaller twin, the Edrich, to be replaced by more modern facilities.

Anyway, in April we opted for the upper and the sunshine while we ate our hot food, rather than the wind-tunnel cooling effect of the shady, cagey lower tier.

We finished our grub around about the time that Nick Compton’s fine innings for Middlesex entered the nervous nineties. I explained to Michael that the lad had been on Middlesex’s books for some years but this was, hopefully, to be his breakthrough season. He had just scored a big hundred in a University warm-up match but this might be his first County Championship hundred.

Shouldn’t we move now to a shady spot? Perhaps the pavilion again or the Warner?

I asked Michael, noticing a few beads of sweat and a slight reddening of the face. It was proper sunshine that day and by mid afternoon it was really quite warm.

Let’s wait and see Compton get his hundred. We should see Compton get his first hundred from the Compton Stand,

Michael replied; a cricket aficionado in the making.

Michael’s early effort in 1998; a Z/Yen & Barnardo’s & The Children’s Society match

We could go down to the lower tier and get some shade…that’s still the Compton Stand…

I suggested.

No, said Michael, we shouldn’t move. He’s in the nineties.

Now anyone who knows Michael surely knows that he is one of the least superstitious people you are ever likely to meet. He’s logical. He’s rational.

But cricket seems to get all of us…yes, even Michael, with quirky superstitions. Perhaps all sport does this to some extent, but cricket has superstition in spades.

And of course Michael had enough exposure to cricket through our charity matches and stuff to really understand that a century is a big achievement and a maiden century a really big thing…

…Nick Compton also knew the importance of making a ton, of course…

…so Nick’s nervous 90s went on for rather a long time…it seemed like a very, very long time…

…while Michael got hotter and hotter; ruddier and ruddier. I asked him a couple more times if he wanted to move, but Michael was glued to the cricket and absolutely intent on not jinxing Nick Compton’s century quest.

Within moments of Nick achieving his hundred, Michael was up and we were away in the direction of the shade. I think we went back to the pavilion for the rest of that very pleasant spring day.

Here’s that cricinfo scorecard and resources link again.

The 2008 Z/Yen & Children’s Society Match. Michael looks more assured by then.

England v West Indies, 5th Test, Oval, 31 August 2000 but not 4 September 2000

Thursday 31 August 2000

I have documentary evidence to prove that I went to the Oval on the first day of the fifth test. Not much was arranged by e-mail in those days, but I wrote an e-mail to TMS. I was reminded of same, today (13 January 2017) as a result of some discussions about left and right-handedness on King Cricket – click here – which triggered a memory that I possess a great essay on the subject in The Boundary Book: Second Innings.

I found the book. Marking that very essay in my copy of The Boundary Book: Second Innings was a printout of the following e-mail, to TMS:

In the hope & expectation that Nagamootoo will be selected for the Oval, try this limerick for size.

There is a young man Nagamootoo,

Who the girls find it hard to stay true to;

He’s a little too shy,

Like the song by that guy,

Named Limahl from the group Kajagoogoo.

Do look out for us today, near the front of the Peter May North Stand. A monkey, a green rabbit, four chaps (including two American rookies trying test cricket for the first time) and a yellow duck named Henry.  Henry bears more than a passing resemblance to Henry Blofeld.

Ian

Earlier that same summer at the first test with the Heavy Rollers, plus Hippity the Green Bunny, Henry the Duck but no monkey. The monkey joined our household later.

We met Bananarama Monkey-Face in Pickering in early July 2000. This photo from 2014, after he’d established his own small-time writing career.

FALSE MEMORY PARAGRAPH

I have a feeling that the first day of the fifth test must be the occasion that Jeremy, Michael and I went together, with the additional American Rookie being a client or prospective client of Michael’s who turned out to have the attention span of a flea. He watched for about 5 or 10 minutes, got bored, wandered off and made us feel thoroughly irritated, as we knew loads of people who would have loved that hot ticket. As Michael said afterwards, “I’m not making that mistake again”.

CORRECTED MEMORY PARAGRAPH

Following an e-mail trawl for other summer 2000 matters, I realise that the above memory is false, or rather a memory from a later year/test match day. On 31 August 2000 the attendees were:

  • me
  • Michael “Timothy Tiberelli” Mainelli
  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett
  • Bob “Big Mac” Reitemeier (this pseudonym previously unused, but in the grand tradition of On The Waterfront characters as pseudonyms).

Both Michael and Bob were suitably interested in the cricket and indeed both have attended first class cricket and/or played several times since their initiation that day. Perhaps Charles also has some memories of that day. Big Mac e-mailed to say:

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the day.  I must admit that I did follow the events on Friday, Saturday and Sunday with some interest following my induction on Thursday.  Great stuff.   The hook has been planted…

What about Monday?

But far more importantly, Aggers clearly liked my limerick a lot, because I heard him read it out at one point and learned that he broadcast it more than once during the day on that first day of the match.

I got very excited on the Friday, as Clean Business Cuisine (still available at all good bookshops, both on-line and real world) had just come out and we were promoting it heavily, so I got our book PR lass, Tanya, to bike a copy of the book to the TMS team at the Oval with a note of thanks re the limerick. I am now sure that such effort and expense is utterly futile. We live and learn.

That evening (the Friday) Janie and I saw Anthea and Mitchell. My diary says so. On the Saturday evening we saw Maz – my diary says so. I think it was her goodbye party ahead of going off to Malawi. A trawl of Janie’s diaries (and other people’s memories) at some stage in the future might well retrieve more stuff about those two evenings.

Monday 4 September 2000

Somehow, England, a shocking test match side at the time, had got itself ahead in a series against the (once) mighty West Indies (heck, they still had Walsh and Ambrose in those days, ageing though they might have been).

Going into the final test, England were 2-1 up. And now England were poised, in a great position to win the historic match and series on Day 5.

Click here to see the match scorecard.

I was reminded of all this 18 months ago (summer 2015) when King Cricket cricket wrote a piece about the summer of 2000 – click here.

Several of us recovered our memories for that piece and commented. Here’s my comment about 4 September 2000:

I remember taking an early call from Big “Papa Zambezi” Jeff on the final day of the series, wondering whether I wanted to join him on a walk-up expedition south of the river (Thames, not Zambezi) to the Oval. He reckoned we’d still get good seats walking up Day 5 and it turned out he was right. But I had unmovable client commitments that day (long since forgotten by me and probably the clients), so he walked up and got splendid seats for an historic day without me. I made amends by buying Day 5 seats for the Oval in 2005 as a precautionary measure; Big “Papa Zambezi” Jeff was one of the beneficiaries of that forethought.

Well I have now looked up my diary and can see exactly what I did that day. I was sort-of on a deadline with an important report. Plus lots of calls. But I did have some slack that week.

Could I have burned some midnight oil and caught up? Of course I could.

Should I have gone with Jeff that day? Of course I should.

Oh well.

We Partied Like It’s 1999…Because It Was December 1999

Sailing Barge Lady Daphne, Photo by Jtaylor100, CC BY-SA 4.0

“Surprise” Party For Elisabeth Mainelli, Lady Daphne, 2 December 1999

Janie has written directions to St Katherine’s Dock in excruciating detail in her diary for that event. I merely wrote “surprise! boat”.

I have a funny feeling that this surprise party was not the best kept secret in the City that year. I sensed that Elisabeth feigned surprise rather than was seriously surprised.

It would have taken quite a ruse to lure her to the boat in December on the evening of her birthday without some suspicion arising.

Still, I recall that it was a good party.

Caroline’s Engagement Party, The Ruts, 4 December 1999

We moved our Hedda Gabler theatre tickets from the Saturday to the Friday in order to attend this party.

Hedda Gabler by Henrik Ibsen, A Version by Frank McGuiness, Theatre Royal Plymouth At The Richmond Theatre, 3 December 1999

I hope Caroline and Alan appreciate being given priority over Francesca Annis for our Saturday night entertainment.

*Spoiler Alert* The Caroline and Alan story had a happier ending than Hedda Gabler.

Joking apart, it was a great party as I remember it. Caroline’s mum went to town producing amazing grub for the party and there was a very happy buzz about the evening.

Z/Yen Seasonal Event – Park Inn, Wellington Terrace W2, Preceded By Drinks At Ian’s Newly Refurbished Flat, 17 December 1999

Sofa, so good – the living room in my flat

This was one of the more memorable Z/Yen seasonal events…but mostly for the wrong reasons.

Firstly, there was a mad rush to get my flat ready to accommodate the drinks party at mine ahead of the dinner at The Park Inn. Gavin’s snail-like progress was doing Janie’s and my head in – it would have been TOO embarrassing to have had to relocate the drinks because the flat wasn’t ready.

At one point- I think it was the preceding Friday as Janie and I both took that day off for this purpose – Janie even ended up on her hands and knees helping Gavin to varnish the floorboards – subjected to the indignity not only of doing the work for which we were paying but being bossed around by Gavin in the style that had put off his many attempts at engaging assistants:

GAVIN: NO! Don’t do it like that! Do it like this!

JANIE: Does it really make a difference, Gavin? I can’t see the difference and we need to get this finished.

GAVIN: NO! NOT LIKE THAT!

To add to the problematic nature of this event, several member of staff went down with an especially nasty lurgy in the days running up to the event. I think in the end only about seven or eight people attended, one of whom was Linda Cook who turned up despite feeling under the weather and ended up crashing out on my (brand new) bed and then going home rather than staying for dinner.

Fortunately, we knew May at The Park Inn so well that the constantly reducing of numbers and the eventual relatively small table was all handled with her usual professional and service-oriented demeanour, so all who ate, ate well.

No quizzes and no Secret Santa yet. Linda got into her stride from the early 2000s onwards in those regards.

Michael wrote the song that year…

Toil and Play

God rest ye Z/Yen par-tic-i-pants,
There’s no point in dismay
Remember Christmas parties
All end in disarray
Don’t save yourself from whiskey’s pow’r
You might as well a’stray

O tidings of bromo and fizz
Bromo and fizz
O tidings of bromo and fizz

From year to year we reappear
And wonder all the same
How business so chaotic
With such an awful name
Can still inspire Nippon songs
And ever-woeful games

O tidings of toil and play
Toil and play
O tidings of toil and play

But when to Ze-e-Yen they came
Where their dear project lay
And found us all hung-over
But still prepared to pay
We found our invoice quick and fast
And saved ’em from May-Day

O tidings of toil and pay
Toil and pay
O tidings of toil and pay

Only Michael could choose the words “bromo and fizz” to replace comfort and joy. It seems that Bromo-Seltzer has a long and (in)glorious history in song lyrics. Who knew? (Well, Michael did, obviously). Perhaps you had to be there…or to have sent a sick note at the time…to get the gist of that song.

Wanton disregard for puns and comedic timing

Dinner At Club Gascon With Michael & Elisabeth Mainelli, 9 April 1999

CLUB GASCON [2]  CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

This was a memorable evening at Club Gascon in Smithfield. It was a new place (it had only opened a few months earlier) and all the rage when we visited it with The Mainellis in April 1999.

That was our first but certainly not our last visit.

I’m pretty sure the place became a reasonably regular haunt for Michael, at least for a while.

Janie was especially taken with their use of foie gras, which was celebrated in Club Gascon’s early incarnation. I too was taken with the food, but I am not partial to foie gras.

The restaurant gained a Michelin Star a couple of years after our first visit and still thrives at that location – here is a link to its website.

Michael & Elisabeth For A Japanese Meal, 20 February 1999

OK, it won’t have quite looked like this

Janie has never kept a narrative diary. But the wonderful thing about Janie’s diary is that she makes copious notes in the diary around her plans, especially if she is preparing a meal and going to specific places to buy specific ingredients.

This meal was Japanese food and Janie no doubt used the services of our now regular sources in Noddyland, such as Atari-Ya, to source sashimi and tempura as noted in her diary.

No doubt much saki was imbibed to help such dishes go down.

This will have been a rare evening out for Michael and Elisabeth at that time, as Xenia was just turned one. I cannot remember whether a babysitter was involved or whether they brought the infant Xenia with them. At that age, probably the latter.

Evenings Of Ten Pin Bowling In Romford With Z/Yen & The Children’s Society Crowd, 3 December 1998 & 15 February 1999

Photo by Xiaphias, CC BY-SA 3.0

My memories from these particular evenings are fairly impressionistic.

We had good turnout from the Z/Yen crowd, despite the fact that none of us were really into ten-pin bowling. The Children’s Society (TCS) turnout was not as good, although Charles Bartlett and Tony Duggan were into ten-pin bowling.

I think one of these evenings must have been the first time I met Dot Bartlett. Probably the second one when Janie also came along.

Despite Charles’s constant jokes about Romford being a gangsta’s paradise, the Romford bowling alleys we attended seemed remarkably peaceful and friendly. Perhaps Charles made it known to the Romford underworld that he was being visited by people he considered to be family and that, therefore, “this ain’t your night”. Ever “Charley the Gent Malloy”, is Chas.

I say alleys rather than alley, as I think we went to a different place each time. Perhaps the place known 25 years later as Namco Funscape the first time, then a place now known as Rollerball the second time.

I remember Elisabeth Mainelli doing exceptionally well, especially on that first occasion, having said that she had never so much as seen a ten-pin bowling alley before.

Charles insisted on having Teresa Bestard (who worked for Z/Yen but was doing a lot of work with TCS at that time) on his team. I don’t think this was a tactical move in the matter of improving the standard of his team, but it was an attempt to even up the sides, at least numbers-wise.

Naturally TCS prevailed the first time regardless of the intricacies of team selection and numbers.

In kicking off the arrangements for the second event, I wrote:

I promised to come up with some Monday dates for bowling.  Janie is currently keeping Monday 8 February and Monday 15 February evenings free.  If you recall, we plugged for Monday evening to enable Dean Burnell to attend.

The Z/Yen team been training hard for many weeks now.  I’m not sure whether the management skills training will help the bowling – we’ll find out.

Chas replied:

Both dates are good for me although the second date (15 Feb) probably best as I am on leave to whole week prior to the 8th Feb and it would be helpful that I am around.

How many do you anticipate from Z/Yen for the ritual slaughter?

regards

Charles.

It might or might not have been ritual slaughter. I seem to recall Z/Yen doing a bit better second time around. But my main memory of the event was Janie trying to put Chas off while he was bowling, by wandering down the side of the lane, within his peripheral view, staring like an avid fan at Chas preparing his shot.

Chas got really discombobulated by this trick, claiming a complete inability to concentrate, keep a straight face and/or complete his bowl.

I think Chas might be over it by now, 25 years later. I have a feeling it didn’t stop TCS from winning again.

Chas was over it by 12 September 2005, when we saw England regain The Ashes at The Oval

A Wild Time In Late December 1998: Three Events

Photo by Richard Bartz, Munich Makro Freak, CC BY-SA 2.5

Michael Mainelli’s Birthday Party Aboard Lady Daphne In St Katherine’s Dock, 19 December 1998

Fret not, we were below for this party

Quite a big do. This was Michael’s 40th. Live music if I remember correctly. All the usual suspects were there. And us.

In those days you didn’t take a gazillion pictures at parties. Perhaps someone did take pictures, but I don’t recall seeing any from this party. If Michael and Elisabeth have some and want to provide digital versions thereof, I’ll gladly put a few of them into this article.

We ate, we drank, we danced, we made merry. it was a party.

Christmas Lunch At My Parent’s Place, 25 December 1998

There’s little in the diary about this, other than a tell-tale note that the taxi would cost £32, which was almost certainly an Ealing to Streatham price in those days.

I suspect that Jacqueline, Len and Hils were there that year. I also suspect that this was one of the last times, if not the last time, that my mum did Christmas day at Woodfield Avenue.

It will have been turkey for main, I’m pretty sure.

A Wild Boar Dinner At Sandall Close, Sunday 27 December 1998

The tell-tale note in Janie’s diary is an order for a rack of wild boar from Harvey Nicholls “for next Sunday”. This was one of Janie’s specialities at that time and boy was it good. We have never since found a source of excellent wild boar rack since Harvey Nicks stopped doing it.

The cast for that evening (again made clear from Janie’s diary) was Kim & Micky, Anthea [Simms] & Mitchell [Sams], plus Rupert [Stubbs] & Ana. Janie rather impressively remembered that Ana was Ana Limbrick, who (as well as dating Rupert at that time) was, indeed still is, a physiotherapist to whom Janie occasionally refers clients.

It will have been a jolly evening, despite the fact that several of the guests no doubt said “what a boar” when praising the meal.

Z/Yen Christmas Dinner At Caldesi, 10 December 1998

Photo: Mike Quinn / Caffè Caldesi, Marylebone Lane, W1

I remember this Z/Yen Christmas event being an especially good meal. We were depleted in numbers that year for some reason – I think one or two illnesses – so Kim & Micky joined us as guests rather than allow paid-for dinners go to waste.

I wrote up the event for the Now & Z/Yen newsletter, which survives on-line despite several deportations in the intervening 25 years – click here.

Just in case a future deportation upsets the above link, here is a scrape of that page. And just in case you don’t like clicking, here is the raw text I wrote in 1998 that became the relevant paragraph on that page:

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
[xmassy picture]
The annual Z/Yen Christmas stuffing took place at Caldesi, our favourite Tuscan restaurant. Z/Yen staff bravely fought their way through six courses, including Jane Beazley’s birthday cake, as well as through one badly mangled Christmas carol, to the tune of “D-Mark! Z/Yen Angels Sing”. Contrary to our seasonal hopes, the heavens did not flood the party with D-Marks (current currency of choice in the run-up to the Euro, as recommended by one self-interested wife), nor were angels or singing much in evidence. A great time was had by all and huge relief sighed by the restaurant staff when they realised that Z/Yen people were not going to conduct quantum physics experiments on their fibre optic Christmas tree.

I particularly like the reference to quantum physics experiments, especially as, 25 years later, we really were conducting quantum physics experiments (specifically Einstein’s two clock time dilation relativity experiment using NPL nano-clocks), rather than writing about quantum cryptography , some apparatus from such experiments was on the site of our 2023 Christmas lunch.

The Now & Z/Yen write up also refers to Michael’s attempt at a seasonal lyric – this 1998 one was his first for Z/Yen. Let’s just hypothesise that Michael is better at quantum physics than he is at song lyrics. Evidence below:

D-MARKS! Z/YEN ANGELS SING
(Sung to the tune of “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” or “Gloria in Excelsis Deo” in the Mariah Carey style)

“D-Marks!”, Z/Yen angels sing

Glory to the Euro thing

Peace in Europe, markets wild

Blair and Schroder reconciled

Joyful all recessions rise
Join the Bank of England’s sighs
With Zeee/Yen consultants claim
Markets are in may-eh-hem

“D-Marks!”, Z/Yen angels sing
Glory to the Euro thing

Glo….oh….oh…oh…oh….ohria

In consultants’ fee-eees
Glo….oh….oh…oh…oh….ohria

In consultants’ fee-eee-eees

Z/Yen by highest fees adored

Z/Yen for those who can afford

Late in time, does Ian come

Often late, the favoured one

Z/Yen, so fresh the clients see

Hail, the astronomical fees

Pleased as gods with men to dwell

Z/Yen as blasphemous as hell

“D-Marks!”, Z/Yen angels sing
Glory to the Euro thing

Glo….oh….oh…oh…oh….ohria

In consultants’ fee-eees
Glo….oh….oh…oh…oh….ohria

In consultants’ fee-eee-eees

The Very Second Z/Yen Charity Cricket Match – The First With The Children’s Society, 25 August 1998

We returned to the scene of the first Z/Yen charity cricket match, which had taken place just a few week’s earlier…

The Very First Z/Yen Charity Cricket Match, Barnardo’s, 22 July 1998

…again to play with Barnardo’s, but this time also with The Children’s Society.

I know that Ian Theodoreson and Bob Harvey gave us and their Barnardo’s charges every encouragement to make these evenings happen, but I have a feeling that neither of them made it to either evening.

Anyway, it was a very jolly evening and a great chance for people to get to know each other as well as mess around a bit playing cricket.

Not only did Barnardo’s still supply a bunch of dudes who knew what they were doing – see photo above…

…The Children’s Society was also blessed with some half-decent cricketers, including Chief Executive and glove man Ian Sparks:

Ian Sparks on gloves, Harish Gohil at bat; presumably this was warming up pre contest
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett – starting as he meant to go on

I can’t remember in detail the playing conditions we came up with for this particular evening, but sort-of having three teams in an after work round robin in August was never going to work brilliantly as matches. I have a feeling we played sort-of eight a side with additional supply fielders from the sides that weren’t batting.

No slide rule – but the Barnardo’s score book and my own trusty light meter
Reservoir Dogs but without the ultraviolence? Kevin Parker (striding, front left), Rupert Stubbs (hatted, central), Michael Mainelli (arms folded in disgust, right).
Spot the ball (obviously going uppishly to backward square leg, that’s me batting)
Mainelli looks relieved to have been dismissed.

I still think the whole idea had started with Kevin Parker and some of the Barnardo’s team he was working with – I wonder if I can extract a confession from him.

Kevin probably doesn’t realise quite what a Z/Yen tradition he kicked off. Kevin was long gone by the time Garry Sobers came to watch us play, for example…

The Day Garfield Sobers Watched Me & Z/Yen Play Cricket, Lord’s, 30 June 2009

…but I digress.

We had a lot of fun with the Barnardo’s and Children Society folk in that summer of 1998.

Below is a link to all the pictures from both of the 1998 matches:

Cricket_1998 (1)

A Weekend Including The Arrival of Nobby, Cause Célèbre by Terence Rattigan, Lyric Hammersmith, A Drive Out To Mainelli-land On The Sunday & Finally Unwanted News On Our Return Home, 7 & 8 February 1998

A memorable weekend in all sorts of ways, this one – good and bad.

The weekend started with me collecting Nobby, my souped-down Honda CRX. I don’t often buy cars, so this was a big day.

Janie, with Nobby, at his last resting place, 16 years later

Then Cause Célèbre at the Lyric, which I simply rated “good”.

It didn’t get much press. Here’s a snippet from the Sunday Telegraph:

22 Feb 1998, Sun Sunday Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com Cause Célèbre 2 of 2 Sunday TelegraphCause Célèbre 2 of 2 Sunday Telegraph 22 Feb 1998, Sun Sunday Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

I’ve never been a huge fan of Rattigan and I recall that this play/production didn’t really change my view.

On the Sunday, somewhat on a whim I seem to recall, the Mainelli’s invited us over to their place as they had several people already scheduled to visit and they wanted a butchers at my new motor.

My abiding memory of that visit was how cold it was that day, but the assembled throng (especially Rupert Stubbs) insisted that we remove the roof of the car and drive off demonstrating the open-toppedness of the thing.

Dall-e thinks we looked a bit like this

When we got home, while we were eating a camembert salad supper, Janie’s twin sister Philippa called to let us know the bad news that she had been diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. That news dampened our mood considerably and turned our world upside down for quite a while.