Tag: NewsRevue

I don’t recall this one being used, but I think it was good enough. One of those perennial scares about health.

THE PILL IS SAFE
(To the Tune of “Chantilly Lace”)

INTRO

Hello, you third generation pill, you.

VERSE 1

The pill is safe, no it ain’t, a doctors’ row coming on;
We hang ’em when they moan, and hang ’em when they don’t,
It always makes the autumn fun;
There ain’t nothing in the world like frightened girl,
Who’s going apoplectic ’bout her contraceptives,
Alternate truths in the survey proofs, but, oh baby they’ll get research funds.

MIDDLE EIGHT

CHORUS: The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh),
The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh); etc.
(Meanwhile, the lead singer says) What’s that?……you might get thrombosis?…..you sure that ain’t neurosis?…….but…but……but baby you dooooooon’t have much choice.

VERSE 2

The pill is safe, no it ain’t, medical evidence;
They prove it makes you clot, then prove that it does not,
And Stephen Dorrell’s on the fence fence fence;
There ain’t nothing in this scare of which we weren’t aware,
But now the whole of London’s using caps and condoms;
Or making use of just the dates and mucus, oh baby I got rhythm style.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2

CHORUS: The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh),
The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh) etc.
(Meanwhile, the lead singer says) What’ja’say?? You’ve yet to menstruate?? And think you’re late…..but.you know I’ve got no money honey and baby you knoooooooooww I hate kids.

VERSE 3

The pill is safe, no it ain’t, scare the girls to the bones;
They’re phoning the helplines ten or twenty times,
And this hotline’s not for cones,
There ain’t nothing ’bout the pill that’s going to make you ill,
Apart from high blood pressure and the risk of cancer,
I feel no use but it’s up to you ‘cos,
This problem is the woman’s blight!!!! (CHORUS: Typical male!!!!).`

Here is the Big Bopper’s version of Chantilly Lace:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfkvdlBz62k

I updated the lyric 22 April 1996:

THE PILL IS SAFE – 1996 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Chantilly Lace”)

INTRO

Hello, you third generation pill, you.

VERSE 1

The pill is safe, no it ain’t, a doctors’ row we all see;
We hang ’em when they moan, and hang ’em when they don’t,
Just like we did with BSE;
There ain’t nothing in the world like frightened girl,
Who’s going apoplectic ’bout her contraceptives,
Alternate truths in the survey proofs, but, oh baby they’ll get research funds.

MIDDLE EIGHT

CHORUS: The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh),
The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh); etc.
(Meanwhile, the lead singer says) What’s that?……you might get thrombosis?…..you sure that ain’t neurosis?…….but…but……but baby you dooooooon’t have much choice.

VERSE 2

The pill is safe, no it ain’t, medical evidence;
They prove it makes you clot, then prove that it does not,
And Stephen Dorrell’s on the fence fence fence;
There ain’t nothing in this scare of which we weren’t aware,
But now there’s less precaution and there’s more abortion;
Or making use of just the dates and mucus, oh baby I got rhythm style.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2

CHORUS: The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh),
The pill is safe (ah-huh), the pill ain’t safe (ah-huh) etc.
(Meanwhile, the lead singer says) What’ja’say?? You’ve yet to menstruate?? And think you’re late…..but.you know I’ve got no money honey and baby you knoooooooooww I hate kids.

VERSE 3

The pill is safe, no it ain’t, scare the girls to the bones;
They’re phoning the helplines ten or twenty times,
And this hotline’s not for cones,
There ain’t nothing ’bout the pill that’s going to make you ill,
Apart from high blood pressure and the risk of cancer,
I feel no use but it’s up to you ‘cos,
This problem is the woman’s blight!!!! (CHORUS: Typical male!!!!).`

I’m not too sure what this lyric was about – presumably some sort of jazz fundraiser for the nascent Globe back then. Hardly big news and I don’t think this lyric made the NewsRevue show.

Shame really, it has some good lines. I might try to revive it as a performance piece of my own for my baroq-ulele.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S RAGTIME SHOW
(To the Tune of “Alexander’s Ragtime Band”)
VERSE 1

Come on and see, come on and see,
William Shakespeare’s ragtime show;
Come on and see, come on and see,
It’s the best show in the Globe.

You can corpse at comedy or you’ll learn from history,
Close the play with carnage if the show’s a tragedy;
This card’s the best bard by a yard, at least that far.

Come on along, come on along,
As You Like It, Much Ado;
Come on along, come on along,
Henry Four Parts One and Two;
And if you wanna see that Julius Caesar play set rag style,
Come on and see, come on and see,
William Shakespeare’s ragtime show.

VERSE 2

Come on and see, come on and see,
William Shakespeare’s ragtime show,
Come on and hear, come on and hear,
Sing a rag hey nonny no.

With a funny sense of rhyme, called iambic pantomime,
Make heroic speeches then go murder eight or nine,
This show is so Tarantino meets Sarajevo;

Come on along, come on along,
Mix up twins then all marry,
Come on along, come on along,
Play a jazz soliloquy;
And if you want to hear “Hey Nonny Nonny” syncopated,

OUTRO

Come on and hear, come on and hear,
William Shakespeare’s ragtime,
Little boys in drag time,
William Shakespeare’s ragtime show.

Here’s a YouTube of Louis Armstrong singing Alexander’s Ragtime Band:

…and here’s a link to those Alexander lyrics too.

I don’t remember this one being used but I rather like it. Short and sweet.

CURRICULUM NURSERY RHYME
(To the Tune of “Alphabet Song/Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”)
INTRO

Come now children sing with me,
I must teach the ABC.

VERSE 1

ABCDEFG,
HIJKLMNOP;
QRS,
TUV,
W and XY Zee (Zed).

OUTRO

CHILDREN: Now you’ve taught the ABC,
You can run a state nursery;
TEACHER: And if you learn your 1 2 3,
You can go to Eton just like Prince Willie.

Here is the Alphabet Song with lyrics:

My “Old Boys” Lyric, which will be Ogblogged in the fullness of time, ran and ran and ran.

This one was an attempt to write something else on the subject. Didn’t work, I ended up tweaking “Old Boys” and it ran some more.

STAR SPANGLED OLD SCHOOL TIE
(To the Tune of “Star Spangled Banner”)

VERSE

I say, can you see by the club’s faded light,
What so proudly we wear since the day we ceased schooling?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the commercial plight,
Copped us all the top jobs even if young and foolish.

MIDDLE EIGHT

The school tie got us there,
Even young Tony Blaire,
Isn’t so much hot air,
So he sends his kids there.

OUTRO

I say, does that spangled old school tie hold sway,
O’er the land of the free if they can afford to pay.

Here is the Star Spangled Banner, with lyrics:

What this lyric lacks in subtlety it makes up for with…perhaps it doesn’t.

Pretty sure it was never used, although I like the sentiment and it is a good lyric, I feel.

LOTTARIA
(To the Tune of “Rockaria”)

INTRO 1 – THE DIVA

I’m imploring the lottery,
The opera house needs all your cash.

VERSES

Just got back from the Covent Garden,
Where the Opera House won pots,
And the staff’s already startin’,
To spend it;
Yeh yeh yeh they can spend it,
Eighty million they’ll spend it,
And a bunch of toffs get plusher seats.

Big chubby lady sings like a songbird,
So she’ll milk the Opera House for all it is worth,
Cos she’s greedy,
Yeh yeh yeh she is greedy,
Loadsamoney she’s greedy,
So fat that she takes up three seats.

MIDDLE EIGHT

She’d cheat on Wagner,
I think she’d lie for Beethoven,
She loves the way Pucchini is compromised,
And Verdi’s always bleeding subsidised.

INTRO 2 – DIVA AGAIN

I need ten thousand instantly,
Won’t leave my bed for any less.

OUTRO

And so we’re forking out for opera instead of other things,
And this subsidy ain’t over after the fat lady sings,
And the orchestra can fiddle their expenses if they choose,
And the weak and sick and homeless are again the ones to lose,
And as the stars get richer Diva’s also put on weight,
And its only hooray henries think that opera grants are great,
Cos she’s an opera singer taking home a load of dosh,
And the lottery priorities are such a load of tosh,
Cos the third world’s starving.

Here is Rockaria by ELO, with its lyrics on the screen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8pklThJ6c4