Howard & Pauline, March 1954
Pauline Wormleighton led a long and turbulent life. What do we, her surviving family, learn from that life, now that Pauline has died? I have chosen three quotes that we might use as our lessons from Pauline.
Lesson One — Audrey Hepburn: “The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy. It’s all that matters.”
Pauline, nee Wallen, was born 1 July 1929, a couple of months after Audrey Hepburn. She doted on her absentee father Jack, but had a tempestuous relationship with her mother, Alice. Pauline was close to her older brother John, before he and his family emigrated to Australia, but couldn’t get along with her younger sister, Christine.
Pauline was an unhappy evacuee teenager during the War, yet still learnt to excel at the arts (especially music) and languages. She spoke Swedish, Danish, Norwegian, Portuguese, Spanish, French and German.
I get a strong sense that Pauline sought enjoyment & happiness early in her life.
In the early 1950s, Pauline found glamorous, high-profile work in Europe as a social secretary; first for a Swedish industrialist, then for an eminent Portuguese medical family and thirdly, 1952-1953, for Prince Otto von Bismark, the Iron Chancellor’s grandson.
A few years ago, Janie interviewed & noted Pauline’s memories of those early years – we’ll edit & post that material on-line sometime soon.
In January 1954, during a supposedly brief stop in England before starting work for Aristotle Onassis, Pauline met Howard Wormleighton. Within 10 weeks, Pauline & Howard were married, while Aristotle was dumped. Let’s hope Aristotle took it philosophically.
Howard had been an heroic prisoner of the Japanese for most of the war; by 1954 he was going places as an insurance executive. Despite worries that Howard & Pauline were unable to have children, in 1955 Hilary arrived and in 1956 twins; Phillipa and Jane. Pauline attributed this “miracle” to fertility charms that Howard brought her from his business travels in Central & South America.
Pauline and Howard had a happy marriage, initially in Willesden, near Pauline’s birth family, then in a large family house in Batchworth Lane. Pauline used her social secretarial skills at home and on glamourous travels with Howard on business, while the girls were at boarding schools.
In October 1978, while the couple were in Portugal on business, Howard collapsed and died, while Pauline’s long life was only half done.
Lesson Two – Henry Fielding: “If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil.”
The 18th century writer Henry Fielding, like Howard, died aged 50-something in Portugal.
Howard’s untimely death left Pauline emotionally bereft. Pauline also became convinced that she was impoverished, although by objective measures that was not the case. I describe the condition as “anorexia of money”, an affliction which Pauline bore herself and inflicted on others, for the rest of her life.
I am glad that the grandchildren can tell some happy memories of times with their grandmother. Janie and I also have some good yarns. My favourite memory is a summer evening 25 years ago – sitting in Janie’s car outside the Wigmore Hall, “oohing & aahing” at the car radio, until England narrowly won the Lord’s test against the West Indies.
But for the last 20 years or so, it was not even possible to mollify Pauline with cricket, theatre or music concerts. Pauline would find an excuse to reject such treats, often angrily.
Pauline could not understand unconditional kindness, nor could she express gratitude or love. The last few years were harder still, especially once dementia took hold of her already troubled personality. But in truth, by that time, Pauline had long since pushed most of the family away. And in truth, most of us took the hint and stayed away.
Still, we should all remember and try to learn lessons from Pauline’s life. This final quote is from her near-namesake, St Paul, in his unifying letter to the Corinthians.
