A couple of weeks ago (May 2017) I wrote an Ogblog piece about my first forays into Ringroad Revue – click here. Quick as a flash, John Easom at “Keele Alumni Central” put Frank Dillon in touch with me, triggering e-mail exchanges, arrangements to meet up and of course a flood of more memories.
Frank wrote/asked:
I was particularly intrigued to learn that you are in possession of The Cornflake Box – or The Holy Grail as Olu Odunsi and I have dubbed it these past 30 years(!) or so.
Any chance you could scan me the contents?
The actual box (which I suppose I inherited from Frank in the summer of 1984) disintegrated during 1985 while it was living in my flat (K block Horwood). I think it was probably replaced by another similar box.
My collection of scripts is now in a file – a mixture of original hand-written scripts and photocopies – a fragment of the Holy Grail with some facsimile elements.
I don’t think that I even took the actual box with me…not that it was THE actual box any more, unless we accept that this particular Holy Grail of a Cornflake Box regenerated every few years – a bit like Dr Who…just more funny, less animated and with fewer enemies.
I suspect it will be autumn (2017) before I get space to take on the Ringroad File/Cornflake Box/Holy Grail Fragment for comprehensive scanning and sharing – otherwise I’ll be interrupting my current/future life by spending a disproportionate amount of time wallowing in the past…and that won’t do.
But I do have, already digitised, a recording of the Finalists Revue from 1985, which I have uploaded in two chunks (due to WordPress file size restrictions).
I cannot remember the name of everyone who appeared in the 1985 Finalists Revue – apologies to those whose names I only half remember or forget.
Frank was gone by then. Olu Odunsi was still around and was a delight to work with on the boards, including this show. John Bowen, who was on the research//academic staff, also joined with us for Ringroad that 1984/85 academic year and was similarly good news to have in the team.
Indeed the whole cast was fun and friendly. Dave Griffiths (who also wrote very good material) and three fabulous lasses, Jo, Jackie and (I think) Karen. Possibly there were others, but I think that’s it. Please help me to fill in the gaps if you are able, dear reader.
I have not re-listened to the recording in full myself yet, but I think the second half might be a tad better than the first half. The recording is poor as we had a microphone shortage, so some bits are less audible than others and some sketches sound a bit shouty.
I was pretty hopeless as a performer, really, but I think it was seen as a bit of a coup to have a union sabbatical on the Ringroad cast taking the pee out of union politics. I wrote little back then – my comedy writing was to blossom later, in the 1990s, at NewsRevue.
Enjoy the recording(s) below and please do comment.
Ringroad Finalists Revue 27 June1985 Part One of Two
Ringroad Finalists Revue 27 June1985 Part Two of Two
The Students’ Union Ballroom is a big place. In our day (the early 1980s), I believe it was still the largest venue between Birmingham and Manchester. If I remember correctly we were allowed to cram in 1,000 people, many of whom would have been smoking.
In truth, it was far too large a venue for discos during the summer vacation, when there would only be a few hundred people, mostly Open University (OU) summer-schoolers, on campus.
But we wanted to generate some income for the Students’ Union, we wanted our friends from the KRA (postgraduate) bar, who were temporarily running the SU bars, to try out some ideas for the bars, plus John White and I wanted to learn how to do the Union discos so that we’d be able to “take on” the cartel of student DJs that was charging for services that we felt they would and should do for the love of it during term time.
Doing discos for the OU crowd was a low risk way for me and John to learn on the job. Pady Jalali, who was the sabbatical social secretary that year, gave us confidence that we were qualified to fulfil the role:
Honestly, fellas, any idiot could do it…
…without providing any specific guidance.
Actually we quickly learnt that there is quite an art to it. Admittedly, almost any idiot could soon learn how to play records for a few hours on twin-decks without too many jumps, false-starts or awkward silences. But putting together a thoughtful playlist that keeps the dancing atmosphere going, mixing the pace and genres appropriately, is non-trivial.
John and I learnt quickly enough and loved doing it.
Let’s see what else I was up to at that stage of the summer and then return to the disco topic.
Late August 1984 Happenings
Sunday, 19 August 1984 – Nasty day (especially morning came into work – Ralph etc) – spent afternoon going over Ringroad stuff with Frank. Performed Ringroad in evening.
Monday, 20 August 1984 – Quite a busy day in the office – spent evening in union and KRA with Frank and John.
Tuesday, 21 August 1984 – Busy day in office – UC in afternoon. Frank cooked – did Ringroad and disco both went down rather badly.
Wednesday, 22 August 1984 – Loads of meetings and things. Busy day. Went to KRA in evening with Frank.
Evidence, if it were needed, that our DJ-ing (and indeed my comedy performance) skills needed work. One aspect that Frank and I realised for the Ringroad comedy was that the Union (even the upstairs Room 14) was too large a venue for the Open University crowd. I think we did our subsequent Ringroad gigs in the Lindsay bar, where most if not all of the OU lot were based.
But John and I needed to try and make the SU Ballroom work for the discos, as it was that set up that we needed to learn and revenues for the SU that we wee trying to generate.
After interviewing for the replacement bar managers on the Thursday, I then took a short break in London.
Thursday, 23 August 1984 – Interviewed for bar managers this morning – came down to London – went to Grandma Jenny’s after dinner for evening.
Friday, 24 August 1984 – Went to West End this afternoon – shopped etc. Stayed in in the evening – lazy day.
Saturday, 25 August 1984 -Another lazy day. Paul came over in the afternoon – stayed in evening – taped/listened and watched TV.
Sunday, 26 August 1984 – Went Angela & John’s [Kessler, cousins] in the afternoon – took Mum and Dad to Joy King Lau in the evening.
Monday, 27 August 1984 – Had Il Carretto lunch and left for Keele in the early evening – spent eve down union and up flat.
John White and others who hung around with me that sabbatical year might like to know that that the taping I did with Paul Deacon that weekend ended up as a favourite mix tape, which I have recently replicated on YouTube Music for all to hear. The first 45 minutes is softer/more danceable stuff, the second half more alternative/new wave:
Don’t be put off by the auto-crossing out of the above link – I believe you can click and enjoy the play list whether or not you are a YouTube Music subscriber.
I don’t remember ever taking my parents to Joy King Lau, in Leicester Street. John White, Bobbie Scully and many other friends will remember eating with me there. Forty years later, in August 2024, the place is still there and some people are even giving it good reviews on TripAdvisor.
Tuesday, 28 August 1984 – Busy day (early start) – exam time. Quite a lot of people through office. Boozy UC meeting. Went back to John Boy’s for dinner – did the disco in the evening together.
Wednesday, 29 August 1984 – extremely busy with resit people all day – Kate cooked dinner for John Frank & I [sic] in eve – very pleasant.
The Union Committee meeting will have been boozy to celebrate the fact that it was my birthday and would, the next day, be John White’s birthday.
We suspect that the disco we did together that night will have tipped just past the midnight licence. Given that it was the night after bank holiday Monday, I don’t suppose there were all that many people there.
Not only did that evening kick off the long-standing tradition of John and me spending our birthdays together…
…but for our sabbatical year it kicked off the tradition of us playing exactly what we wanted in the earlier part of the evening, making the most of the enormous dance floor to have a dance work out alone or with just one or two friends.
Later in our sabbatical year, the Geordie Mag (which was a Keele Geordies’ tribute to Viz Comic, produced a cartoon which depicted John White, in the ballroom, as “the only one dancing”. In the next frame, someone asks John to help them light their cigarette: “have you got a match, John?”, to which, in the next frame, John replies, “not since Errol Flynn died”. Maybe you had to be there.
I asked a couple of artificial intelligence image generators to produce pictures of two DJs at a student disco in the 1980s with very few students in attendance and even fewer of them dancing. Most of the attempts were risible. The AI simply cannot get its artificial head around the idea of a near-empty dance floor.
This is the best of the AI images – from DALL-E, but the Keele SU disco looked nothing like that.
Better to feast your eyes on the gorgeous headline image of the Keele SU Ballroom, with thanks again to the RIBA Collection for permission to use.
…I am delighted to report that Frank Dillon has managed to recreate most of his John Cooper Clarke poem from memory. Just as well, as I do not have a copy of it in my Ringroad scripts collection.
Frank wasn’t even in the country when John Cooper Clarke played that gig at Keele. Frank however writes:
As for John Cooper Clarke, I don’t have a copy of it, but I offer the following recreation, honed (or harmed) by the sands of time (i.e. 40 years).
It’s vitally important to read it in the voice of the great man, and with a hint of hysteria.
(And I do mean the great man – for this was a homage, nay, a pastiche, rather than an attack on JCC, for whom I retain an enduring fondness).
I hope it brings back fond memories. Anyway, here goes:
He runs the whole gamut of feelings, from A right through to B. At school he wore a cone-shaped hat that bore the letter D. He’s the first one, but he’s useless,Just like the word Aardvark, John Cooper Clarke. Where he came from is a mystery indeed. His mam and dad, they must have been too bloody thick to breed. If he’s half the age his jokes are, Then he came from Noah’s Ark, John Cooper Clarke.His so-called style is dissolute, his muse, the commonplace. The burden of banality is etched upon his face. He’s told more boring stories Than a bloody copper’s nark, John Cooper Clarke He’s the new enfant terrible of the trendy literati.His mordant wit is de rigueur at all the coolest parties.But like a puppy, laryngectomised, His bite’s worse than his bark, John Cooper Clarke He’s a Wimpy-bar philosopher, his lines are full of glee. He can find the secret of existence in a cup of tea. But like a wanker with his eyes poked out, He’s shooting in the dark, John Cooper Clarke He thinks he’s T S Eliot, or Keats, or Wilfred Owen And literary publishers will clamour for his poems He’s got more front and chutzpah Than a flasher in the park, John Cooper Clarke John Cooper Clarke John Cooper Clarke
I must say that I don’t remember that last couplet. My recollection of the closing couplet was:
But like a masturbating eunuch,
He’ll never make a mark,
John Cooper Clarke, John Cooper F*****G Clarke, John Cooper F*****G B*****D Clarke…
Still, a pretty impressive bit of brain archaeology from Frank there.
