Tag: Tony Blair

Maggie Might, NewsRevue Lyric, 27 May 1997

Soon after Tony Blair became Prime Minister, news broke of him having “secret” meetings with Mrs Thatcher. This lyric for NewsRevue examined the possibilities around such meetings. I’m not sure whether or not it was used. I don’t recall seeing it performed.

MAGGIE MIGHT
(To the Tune of “Maggie May”)

VERSE 1 – BLAIR

Come back Maggie, I think I’ve got something to say to you,
We’re deep in Europe and about to join the EMU;
I’ve got a summer of summits this year, and still have no idea,
Oh Maggie, I can’t stand Leon Brittan’s face.

MIDDLE EIGHT 1 – BLAIR

You led us away from home, you’ve even read The Treaty of Rome,
You sold us out and that’s what really hurts.

VERSE 2 – THATCH/BLAIR

THATCH: All you need now is a mum to lend a helping hand,
THATCH: That damned fool Major did the same with old Jim Callaghan;
BLAIR: I laughed at all of your jokes, like your Tory Cabinet blokes;
THATCH: Those sleaze bags have all gone without a trace.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2 – BLAIR

You led us for donkey’s years, you might allay the worst of my fears,
The Germans think the EMU is world war three;

VERSE 3 – THATCH/BLAIR

THATCH: You should give that ghasty Kohl a mighty gagging,
THATCH: Take me with you and I’ll give Helmut a handbagging;
BLAIR: I’ve listened to the words that you’ve said, think I’d sooner stay at home in bed;
BLAIR: Oh Maggie, I wish I’d never won this job.

MIDDLE EIGHT 3 – BLAIR/THATCH

BLAIR: You’ve made a first class fool out of me,
THATCH: That job was pitifully easy,
BLAIR: Our secret meeting was on every damned front page;
THATCH: You’ve made me look like a prize bender,
THATCH: James Goldsmith’s livid back in his hacienda,
BLAIR: Mandelson and Tony Benn are in a rage.

OUTRO (as they exit)

BLAIR: Same time next week, then, Maggie?
THATCH: Certainly. It was great fun. I’ll bring the whips and amyl nitrate next time.

Below is a video of Rod Stewart singing Maggie May – click here to find the lyriics in the notes below the vid.

https://youtu.be/7T5hYlUsQ0s

My Cherie Earns More, NewsRevue Lyric, 22 May 1997

May 1997 saw a landslide victory for New Labour in the general election, which changed the political landscape and also, of course, the satirical landscape too. 

Like many NewsRevue writers, I found it harder to satirise a relatively young, fresh bunch of leaders who were elected in a mood of renewed hope and promised change.

This was my first post 1997 election effort and it ran and ran in the show. I still think it is one of my better efforts.

Just in case any readers are unaware, Tony Blair was the newly elected prime minister at that time. His wife, Cherie Blair (aka Cherie Booth) a highly-successful barrister and latterly QC. 

MY CHERIE EARNS MORE
(To the Tune of “My Cherie Amour”)

INTRO

La la la, la la la;
La la la, la la-la la;

VERSE 1 – TONY

My Cherie earns more,
More than I earn as PM;
My Cherie earns more,
More than all of you could spend;
My Cherie earns more,
Because she is a leading “barristor”;
I am on the right side of the law,
But how I wish she wouldn’t smile.

VERSE 2 – CHERIE

(Cherie smiles as best she can)
In the High Court,
Donning my full robe and wig;
Not a nice thought,
But at least my pay cheque will be big;
Cos Cherie earns more,
Than Tony ever could when he did law,
That’s why he’s the mere Prime “Ministor”,
I can run the show meanwhile.

OUTRO

TONY: Cherie my darling. Who sent you those flowers at six in the morning?
CHERIE: (smiling as best she can) Mind your own fucking business and keep smiling.

Also a 22 July 1997 update version:

MY CHERIE EARNS MORE – BIG HAIR VERSION
(To the Tune of “My Cherie Amour”)

INTRO

La la la, la la la;
La la la, la la-la la;

VERSE 1 – TONY

My Cherie earns more,
More than I earn as PM;
My Cherie earns more,
More than all of you could spend;
My Cherie earns more,
Because she is a leading “barristor”;
I am on the right side of the law,
But how I wish she wouldn’t smile.

VERSE 2 – CHERIE

(Cherie smiles as best she can)
In the High Court,
With my two grand hair cut and white wig;
Not a nice thought,
But at least my pay cheque will be big;
Cos Cherie earns more,
Than Tony ever could when he did law,
That’s why he’s the mere Prime “Ministor”,
I can run the show meanwhile.

OUTRO

TONY: Cherie my darling. Who sent you those flowers at six in the morning?
CHERIE: (smiling as best she can) Mind your own fucking business and keep smiling.
TONY: But Cherie, my sweet. Did you really spend two grand on that haircut?
CHERIE: When you start earning some decent money you can start making some of the purchasing decisions.

Cherie Blair Allan Warren

The following video plays Stevie Wonder singing My Cherie Amour:

The Dirt On Tony Blair Chorus, NewsRevue Lyric, 1 October 1996

I’m trying to work out what I was getting at with this one. I think the conceit of it was the idea doing the rounds that Tony Blair was a closet Roman Catholic – the twist in the lyric being the idea that he was a closet Tory.

I don’t think it got used in NewsRevue, which is such a shame.

THE DIRT ON TONY BLAIR CHORUS
(To the Tune of “Gloria”)
A BIT OF BAROQUE AND ROLL TO BE SUNG ACAPELLA

INTRO – DIDDLY POM CHORUS

Pom-pom, pom pom, pom-pom, pom pom pom,
Diddly om pom pom, diddly om pom pom
Pom-pom, pom pom, pom-pom, pom pom pom,
Diddle-iddle-iddle pom, diddle-iddle-iddle pom,
Pom-pom, pom pom, pom-pom, pom pom pom,
Diddly om pom pom, diddly om pom pom
Pom-pom, pom pom, pom-pom, pom pom pom,
Diddle-iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle, iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle,
Pom
Diddle-iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle iddle-iddle

(you can work this stuff out yourselves – I’m a lyricist you know, not a bloody acapellist)

1st LYRICAL BIT – LYRICAL CHORUS & DIDDLY POM CHORUS

Tony Blair, Tony Blair (iddle-iddle-iddle pom, iddle-iddle-iddle pom)
Tony Blair, Tony Blair (iddle-iddle-iddle pom, iddle-iddle-iddle pom)
Is an evil genius,
He’s an evil genius.
Tony Blair, Tony Blair, Tony Blair, Tony Blair,
Is a secret Tory.
(iddle-iddle-iddle pom, iddle-iddle-iddle pom iddle-iddle-iddle pom, iddle-iddle-iddle pom)
Tony Blair, Tony Blair, is a se-e-e-e-cret…….Tory.
(So what’s new?)

2nd LYRICAL BIT – LYRICAL CHORUS & DIDDLY POM CHORUS

Tony has evil eyes and,
Tone has a legal wife named,
Cheri;
Cheri Blair’s been in court occasionally.
Pom-pom, pom pom, pom-pom, pom pom pom,
Diddly om pom pom, diddly om pom pom
Pom-pom, pom pom, pom-pom, pom pom pom,
He’s a clo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-set;
(A closet what?)
Tony Blair is a closet Tory.
Pom diddly-om diddly-om
Diddly-om pom pom.

Below is Gloria In Excelsis Deo from Vivaldi’s Gloria in D Major Gloria V589, with the music and Latin lyrics on screen:

https://youtu.be/0ICW_iZcti4

Beckett, Prescott And Amazing Tony Blair, NewsRevue Lyric, 19 June 1994

More than a year after introducing Tony Blair as a NewsRevue song character (April 1993) – click here for that first version and links to original versions of the song – he became the front runner to lead the Labour party and I was able to revive my “Amazing Tony Blair” song to the tune of Simon Smith and the Amazing Dancing Bear.

I wrote a few 1994 sub-versions, one a little earlier than the one shown below, during the European elections in May 1994, and another after the leadership election, dated 22 July 1994, but the version below from the leadership election I think was the better of the three.

This song ran and ran in NewsRevue. I particularly remember the superb Jonathan Linsley doing a fine Prescott for it, having previously been a fine John Smith.

♬ BECKETT, PRESCOTT AND AMAZING TONY BLAIR ♬

(To the Tune of “Simon Smith And The Amazing Dancing Bear”)

VERSE 1

BECKETT:                 I may campaign tomorrow,

Despite the sorrow, that Labour bear;

Now John Smith is a stiff,

I shall heal the rift, that is bound to flare.

SHORT:                      John Prescott’s impulsive,

BROWN:                    Beckett’s repulsive;

BROWN/BLAIR:      But Gordon Brown and Tony Blair,

Are the Labour Party conference pair,

Despite the fact we are square, we two can lead.

VERSE 2

BECKETT/SHORT:   For Europe Margaret Beckett,

Secured our ticket, in June out there;

BROWN/BLAIR:      But voters say she’s scraggy,

Another Maggie’s, too much to bear;

The Sun says she’s phoney, the press all love Tony;

BECKETT/SHORT:   Oh who would think that Marge and Claire,

Would appeal so well in the public glare,

And Labour voters out there, seem very pleased.

PIANO BIT

(During which individuals speak to the “voters” in the audience and try to upstage each other)

BECKETT:     Please don’t wreck it – vote for Beckett. Labour’s next leader.

BROWN:        I’m not down, so don’t vote for Gordon Brown.

PRESCOTT:   (pianist?) Labour’s best shot, vote for Prescott.

BLAIR:           The press prefer Tony Blur. (Looks displeased as soon as he has said it)

OUTRO

CHORUS:                  Our nearest and dearest, say we’re not careerist;

We won in Europe fair and square, and the leader’s seat is going spare,

BECKETT:                 Choose Beckett,

PRESCOTT:               Prescott,

BROWN:                    Vote,

BLAIR:                       Amazing Tony Blair.

copyright © Ian Harris 1994

In October 1995 I wrote the following update:

SHORT, BECKETT, PRESCOTT AND THE AMAZING TONY BLAIRE
(To the Tune of “Simon Smith And The Amazing Dancing Bear”)

VERSE 1

BLAIRE: I may campaign tomorrow, if I can borrow some more hot air;
Oh I’ll contend in style with my sincere smile cos I’m Tony Blaire.
PRESCOTT: He’s Christian and zealous,
BLAIRE: Prescott’s just jealous;
SHORT/BECKETT: Oh who’d have thought that Tony Blaire,
Would be so accepted everywhere,
Despite his suits and big hair, we’re in the lead.

VERSE 2

BECKETT: At conference Margaret Beckett…….
SHORT: She topped the ticket as Labour’s mare;
PRESCOTT: But voters think she’s scraggy,
Another Maggie’s, too much to bear;
BLAIRE: The others are phoney, the press all love Tony;
BECKETT/SHORT: Oh who’d have thought that Tony Blaire,
Would appeal to women more than Claire,
PRESCOTT: The Socialists left out there aren’t very pleased.

PIANO BIT

BECKETT: Vote for Labour, the party that believes in….um….um……um……John?
PRESCOTT: If you’re finally ready for a genuine, truly Socialist Government……… leave the country…I mean vote Labour….Claire?
SHORT: We have policies that the people of Britain really want. Let me give you an example…..um…..um…….Tony?
BLAIRE: Vote for me. God is on my side.

OUTRO

PRESCOTT:: He thinks “love thy neighbour” is Clause 4 of Labour,
BLAIRE: Our principles are just hot air, but we’ll get the votes so we don’t care;
SHORT: Short,
BECKETT: Beckett,
PRESCOTT: Prescott,
BLAIRE: and the Amazing Tony Blaire.

And finally, in March 1996, the following one:

SHORT, BECKETT, PRESCOTT AND THE AMAZING TONY BLAIRE
(To the Tune of “Simon Smith And The Amazing Dancing Bear”)

VERSE 1

BLAIRE: I may campaign tomorrow, if I can borrow some more hot air;
Oh I’ll contend in style with my sincere smile cos I’m Tony Blaire.
PRESCOTT: He’s Christian and zealous,
BLAIRE: Prescott’s just jealous;
SHORT/BECKETT: Oh who’d have thought that Tony Blaire,
Would be so accepted everywhere,
Despite his suits and big hair, we’re in the lead.

VERSE 2

BECKETT: At conference Margaret Beckett…….
SHORT: Could top the ticket as Labour’s mare;
PRESCOTT: But voters think she’s scraggy,
Another Maggie’s, too much to bear;
BLAIRE: The others are phoney, the people love Tony;
BECKETT/SHORT: Oh who’d have thought that Tony Blaire,
Would appeal to women more than Claire,
PRESCOTT: But Socialists left out there aren’t very pleased.

PIANO BIT

BECKETT: Vote for Labour, the party that believes in….um….um……um……John?
PRESCOTT: If you’re finally ready for a genuine, truly Socialist Government……… leave the country…I mean vote Labour….Claire?
SHORT: We have policies that the people of Britain really want. Let me give you an example…..um…..um…….Tony?
BLAIRE: Vote for me. God is on my side.

OUTRO

PRESCOTT:: He thinks “love thy neighbour” is Clause 4 of Labour,
BLAIRE: Our principles are just hot air, but we’ll get the votes so we don’t care;
SHORT: Short,
BECKETT: Beckett,
PRESCOTT: Prescott,
BLAIRE: and the Amazing Tony Blaire.

Beckett, Smith, Claire Short And Zany Tony Blair, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 April 1993

I wrote this parody of Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Bear for NewsRevue around the time of the Newbury by-election in April 1993.

Very little was known about Tony Blair back then; indeed I couldn’t even spell his name. I cannot quite remember what made me spot him as an up and coming politician; perhaps it was just that he had a prominent role in that by-election campaign. Perhaps I simply latched on to the name Tony Blair fitting perfectly where “Dancing Bear” goes in the song.

Anyway, when John Smith tragically died suddenly a year later and Tony Blair really came to prominence, I was able to recycle this song quite remorselessly at NewsRevue for a while – click here.

The original song, Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Bear, is by Randy Newman, but was made famous by the Alan Price Set.

The latter version is the very first record I ever owned; I seem to recall nagging an auntie to get it for me. I also recall my father moving my teddy bear’s legs to make it dance for me when the song came on the radio. I was four-on-five when the record came out. Ahhh.

Click here or below for a YouTube of the Alan Price Set singing the song; in Germany by the looks of it.

Click here or below for a YouTube of Randy Newman singing his own song; rather more subdued than the Alan Price version.

Here is a link to the lyrics and chords.

I don’t think Newman had teddy bears in mind when he wrote the song, but it is ironic (at least for me) that Newman went on to write the scores for the wonderful Toy Story movies. But I digress.

So was I the first political satirist to give Tony Blair the song treatment? Must have been up there with the first pack, if not the very first. I have left the spelling mistake on Blair[e]’s name in tact, for old time’s sake.

♬ BECKETT, SMITH, CLAIRE SHORT AND ZANY TONY BLAIRE ♬

(To the Tune of “Simon Smith And The Amazing Dancing Bear”)

VERSE 1

JOHN SMITH:I may go out to Newbury,

To visit Doobrie,

Who’s standing there;

After a lot of thought,

I’ll take Beckett, Short,

And young Tony Blaire;

THE TEAM:The Liberals, deplore us,

The press all, ignore us;

ALL BUT BLAIRE:Oh who would think that Tony Blaire,

Would be so neglected everywhere,

It’s just amazing how square people can be.

(Tony Blaire tries to do a zany dance to prove how unsquare he is: it transpires that he is actually quite square himself.  He may try to repeat the dance at the end of each verse.)

 

VERSE 2

THE TEAM:We go to ghastly places,

Like Newbury races,

And Newbury fair;

Our low poll is a myth,

We’ve got Beckett, Smith,

Short and Tony Blaire;

Voters are choosing,

The Tories are losing;

BECKETT/BLAIRE:Oh who would think that John and Claire,

Would appeal to dames with blue rinsed hair,

But Newbury voters out there seem very pleased.

 

PIANO BIT

(During which John Smith makes a short speech to the “voters” in the audience)

JOHN SMITH:Don’t be fooled by talk of this tactical voting nonsense.  The best way to get the Tories out of Newbury is by voting Labour, the natural party of opposition.  Thank you.

 

OUTRO

THE TEAM:Who needs alliance,

To gain triumphs?

The Tories get the minor share,

But we split the vote so the trophy’s theirs,

We’re Beckett, Smith, Claire Short and zany Tony Blaire.

copyright © Ian Harris 1993