Tag: University of Keele Students Union

O Captain! My Captain! – Gentlemen Of The Right v Players Of The Left – Keele Festival Week Cricket Match, 26 June 1984

Toby Bourgein. Picture “liberated” from the 1980/81 Keele Prospectus

I am sadly motivated to write up this story having learnt, a few days ago (September 2020), that Toby Bourgein has died. Toby captained the Players cricket team in all three of the festival matches I played. I had been intending to write up this glorious 1984 match for a couple of years, since I wrote up the tale of my surprise appearance in the 1982 match..

“Got Roped In To Playing Cricket All Afternoon”, Gentlemen v Players Cricket Match, Keele Festival Week, 24 June 1982

…and the 1983 match…

My Second “Thanks For Coming” (TFC) Keele Festival Week Cricket Match, 21 June 1983

For those not motivated to click the above link, I was a late selection for the 1982 match (for reasons that, alone, make the 1982 link worth clicking). I did not bowl and I did not bat in that historic victory, but I did, more by luck than judgement, take a stunning catch.

It won’t have looked this good, I wouldn’t have been so suitably attired, but it was a diving (in my case left-handed) catch. This picture from school five years earlier. I was better at taking pictures than at playing cricket. Still am.

Toby Borgein had a long memory and a good heart. I ran into him a week or two before the 1984 match and he told me he wanted me to play again and have a proper go this time.

We have a solid opening batsman, Ian Herd, this year. I’d like you to open the batting with him.

Ian was on Somerset CCC’s youth books – i.e. he was way above “our” scratchy festival knock-about cricket pay grade. But I didn’t know that until later.

Several of my friends came along to watch this time around, not least because I knew more than 30 minutes before the start of the match that I’d be playing. Anyway, there were worse places on earth to spend a glorious summer afternoon than the Keele Festival Week Beer Tent.

With thanks to Frank Dillon, this picture of an earlier “Players” team, probably 1981

We (The Players) fielded first. I neither distinguished myself nor embarrassed myself in the field – unlike 1982, during which my fielding had met triumph and disaster; naturally treating both of those imposters just the same.

I was mostly fielding in the long grass where I was able to nurse my pint of ale and seemingly play cricket at the same time. Who says men cannot multi-task?

Keele University Playing Field

The Gentlemen scored a little over 100 in their innings. A respectable but hopefully not insurmountable score for that fixture, based on previous experiences.

Then to bat. Sadly I have no pictures from the 1982, 1983 nor the 1984 event – if any are subsequently uncovered/scanned I shall add them. Here is the earliest photo of me going in to bat I can find; from 1998:

If you imagine Barnes Hall to the right of me and the tennis courts, beer tents etc. to the left, this could almost be the Keele playing fields. Almost, I said.

I still hadn’t picked up a cricket bat since school, unless you count the 1983 net and subsequent nought not out without facing a ball. But I was quite fit that summer, having played tennis regularly before (more or less during) and after my finals.

Anyway, Ian Herd could bat. We rattled along. I helped to see the shine off the new ball. I suspect that Ian made a greater contribution towards seeing off the shine by knocking the ball to all parts, but we’ll let that aspect pass.

The crowd was probably more heavily weighted towards Players’ supporters than Gentlemen’s supporters, but in any case by the second half of the match vocal chords were more lubricated.

In what seemed like next to no time, there was a cry from the crowd…

50-up

…allowing me and Ian a joyous moment of handshaking celebration in the middle.

“I think I’d better ‘hit out or get out’ to give some of the others a go this year”, I said.

“Good idea”, said t’other Ian

It didn’t take long (one ball) for me to loft one up in the air and get caught.

More tumultuous applause as I came off, with the score on 53/1.

“Fifty partnership – great stuff”, said Toby, ever the encouraging captain

I remember Bobbie Scully and Ashley Fletcher both being there. and both expressing joy in my performance and surprise that I could play. I’m pretty sure that several of my fellow Union Committee members, not least John White, Kate Fricker and Pady Jalali were around too.

Remember, folks, that everyone was quite well oiled by then and no-one was REALLY watching…

…apart from the scorer.

The scorer was Doreen Steele’s son. Doreen was the Students’ Union accountant and the NUPE shop steward for the union staff. Her son clearly aspired to similar careers.

“How many of the 53 did I score?”, I asked.

“Three”, said the lad.

“Are you sure it wasn’t four?” I asked, having counted to four in my head.

“You’re probably including a leg bye…”

“…I hit that ball onto my pad, actually…”

“…the umpire signalled leg bye. It was a leg bye…

…you scored three.”

You can’t argue with that schoolboy logic.

Nor can you argue with the fact that I had been part of a fifty partnership in a cricket match.

Nor can you argue with the fact that Toby Bourgein had pulled off a captaincy masterstroke…or at least a warm, generous gesture that meant a lot to me.

But did The Players win the match, I hear you cry? You bet your sweet pint of Marston’s Pedigree we won.

This story has subsequently been further immortalised on the King Cricket website:

Players (of the left) v Gentlemen (of the right) – match report + wagon wheel

Toby Bourgein will be better remembered at Keele for many other things, not least his student activism. The one other picture I have of him, below, is from a protest we attended together in 1982. But I remember Toby especially fondly for these silly cricket matches, for which he was, O Captain! My Captain!

Toby bottom left, looking suitably senior and serious about fighting the cuts.
Me towards the right, in trope-inducing donkey jacket, holding diagonal corner of the campus model

When Vision & Revision Collide: Including Plenty Of Tennis, Plus Students’ Union Stuff, Psychedelic Furs…Even Some Snooker & Football – How Not To Revise For Finals At Keele Part Three

So many books. so little time put aside for reading them…

OK, I didn’t have quite so many books back then, nor did I need to go through all of them for my finals. Strangely, I have kept most of the books I did read for those exams, as I have always struggled to part company with books, even dull textbook-type books.

This shelf – promoted to the least-touched, hard-to-reach top shelf now, has a lot of the material I went through for my finals.

I had three law papers to do: Civil Liberties, Criminology and Consumer Protection. I remember feeling that the Civil Liberties and Consumer Law material was still reasonably fresh in my mind and just needed a bit of cramming, whereas the Criminology, which I had been taught the year before, was far more evasive.

Because I had decided to defer Criminology until finals, I hadn’t done much on it during my P2 year, so much of the reading I was doing was “vision” more than “revision”. For Criminology, which is a fairly broad-based, sociological subject, perhaps that was just as well. I decided to focus my “vision” on books by the academics who taught the course: Pat Carlen and Mike Collinson, with just a smidge of reading around the topic. This seemed to work.

Don Thompson’s style of teaching Civil Liberties and Michael Whincup’s style of teaching Consumer Protection seemed, to me, to be more oriented towards preparng for exams, so my tutorial notes and just a bit of reading around felt more appropriate.

But let’s be honest about this – even in the 20 days or so running up to and into those exams, I was hardly devoting myself exclusively to the task. Diaries don’t lie.

1 to 6 May 1984 – Tennis The Only Distraction By The Looks Of It

Tuesday 1 May 1984 – Worked a little – played tennis [must have been Alan “The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman, as unnamed] – worked over at Bobbie’s in eve.

Wednesday 2 May 1984 – Shopped today – did some work during day – did some more at B’s in eve.

Thursday 3 May 1984 – Did a little work – played tennis with Viv [Vivian Robinson – strangely I have little recollection of playing tennis with her but it seems I did so more than once]– went to J-Soc in eve -> Bobbie’s to do some work later.

Friday 4 May 1984 – did some work – not much – did some work there [Bobbie’s] in eve.

Saturday 5 May 1984 – Did no work during the day – shopped plus played tennis with Pudding in afternoon. Went Bobbie’s in eve.

Sunday 6 May 1984 – Got up quite early. Did some work today – went over to B’s to do some more work.

Not too bad I suppose. I’m not sure how Bobbie recalls this period – if she recalls it at all. I think she had far better concentration and ability to revise/cram than I had. She might have perceived my restlessness as a distraction, but perhaps we were genuinely good for each other in terms of allocated long evenings to revise together. As a routine, it certainly helped me.

7 to 13 May 1984 – Throw In Some Union Stuff & Even Snooker On TV As Well As Tennis

Monday 7 May 1984 – Did some work – went to Constitutional Committee in eve -> Bobbie’s after – watched snooker and worked.

Tuesday 8 May 1984 – Did some work – played tennis with Pudding in afternoon – worked at Bobbie’s in eve.

Wednesday 9 May 1984 – Went shopping in afternoon – went over to B’s to work in eve.

Thursday 10 May 1984 ,- Did some work – played tennis with Viv in early eve – went over to Bobbie’s in evening.

Friday 11 May 1984 – Did some work today – worked more over at Bobbie’s in eve.

Saturday 12 May 1984 – Went shopping with Bobbie in the afternoon. Worked there in evening.

Sunday 13 May 1984 – got up early to work – worked over Bobbie’s in eve – re [her] first exam…

I don’t suppose many finalists persevered with Constitutional Committee 10 days or so before their finals. Snooker as a further distraction doesn’t really sound like me, however dull the particular chunk of revision I was doing that evening might have been.

I wasn’t much into snooker, but Alan The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman was and I suspect Bobbie must have been too. If snooker was Bobbie’s distraction, I was surely a willing participant in such distraction. Easily distracted from revision, me.

A little bit of Googling tells me that Monday 7 May was the nail-biting climax of the World Snooker Championship Final between Steve Davis and Jimmy White. Here’s a vid for those who like snooker.

14 to 20 May 1984

Monday 14 May 1984 – Did work today – Bobbie’s first exam – Ashley [Fletcher] came round – UGM eve – did a little work after.

Tuesday, 15 May 1984 – Did some work today – tennis with Pud [Alan “The Great Yorkshire Pudding” Gorman]. Worked a little more over at Bobbie’s after.

Wednesday, 16 May 1984 – Went shopping today – worked at B’s in eve.

Thursday, 17 May 1984 – Worked quite hard on elections today – J-Soc also. Worked especially hard at B’s in eve.

Friday, 18 May 1984 – Day before exams – shopped in afternoon – worked hard in eve.

Saturday 19 May 1984 – CIVIL LIBERTIES [paper] in afternoon – did a little work in evening as well – earlyish night.

Sunday, 20 May 1984 – Worked some during day – and worked hard in evening.

A couple of references to working hard in the run up to my first paper, which does suggest that my work on those other days and evenings had not been quite as focussed.

I really did manage to cultivate the ability to focus and work ridiculously hard for several decades after this period…

…but very evidently not while I was preparing for my Keele finals.

21 to 23 May 1984 – Two Law Papers – Lows, Highs, The Psychedelic Furs & Tottenham Hotspurs

Monday, 21 May 1984 CRIMINOLOGY [paper] in morning – low in afternoon – went UC [Union Committee] – very down in eve also.

Tuesday, 22 May 1984 – Rose early. Worked hard on consumer protection – then CONSUMER PROTECTION [paper] afternoon – went Hanley for meal and Psychedelic Furs concert in the evening most pleasant.

Wednesday, 23 May 1984 – Went shopping, Pudding [tennis presumably] etc. in the afternoon – went over Bobbie’s in the evening. Did some work – watched football etc.

I think the low on the Monday after the Criminology paper was two-fold. I know I felt that I hadn’t had a good exam (it can’t have been too bad) but Bobbie came out of her last Law paper (I think European Law or International Law) convinced that she had badly screwed up. Of course she hadn’t, but I do remember that being one of the very few times I saw Bobbie in a blue funk about anything. (If only Bobbie’s distant memory were better, she could no doubt retell many examples of my blue funks).

By the next day I felt much better, not least because I sensed that I had written a decent Consumer Law paper and the added relief that the Law exams were over. Just Economics to go!

The fact that I had completely neglected Economics since completing my dissertation did not prevent me from celebrating the end of the Law finals with Bobbie in Hanley. I think it would have been the Chinese restaurant and then to Victoria Hall for an excellent Psychedelic Furs concert.

If you want to know what The Psychedelic Furs sounded like in May 1984, the BBC recorded and broadcast their concert at Hammersmith Odeon a week after the Victoria Hall concert. Here is that one hour recording:

If you prefer to see what they looked like back then, there is a slightly blurry YouTube from Madrid that year, part of the same tour, which is a very similar if not identical set to the one we would have seen:

The football we watched on Wednesday 23 May 1984 will have been the UEFA Cup Final between Tottenham Hotspur and Anderlecht. Football wasn’t really my thing, but it was Bobbie’s thing. Forever Everton in Bobbie’s case. Also, although I didn’t support Tottenham Hotspur (or indeed any football team), I had spent more time at White Hart Lane than any other ground, taken there as a kid many times by Stanley Benjamin and then later the holiday job work crowd, who also tended to favour that team/ground. You can read all about that UEFA Cup classic and look at clips of it on the Tottenham Hotspur site – click here – I’m not the only person who writes stuff up 40 years on, you know.

H Ackgrass’s Third Column In Concourse, Plus A Carbon Copy Of The Original Submission, May 1984

I told the story of H Ackgrass’s birth and first column (February 1984) in a piece linked here and below:

Keele Gossip Columnist H Ackgrass is born, Concourse, February 1984

For completists, here and below is a link to my article containing the second, ruthlessly pruned, Hackgrass column.

H Ackgrass Column From Concourse March 1984

This current piece shows H Ackgrass’s third column, which was published in May 1984. Somewhat irritatingly, I have the carbon copy of this one, which was more or less reproduced in full, but not the second, pruned one. I set out my grievance in excruciating detail at the start of this third column. Quentin chose to publish the grievance in full.

Here it is, firstly in its published form, from Page 11 of Concourse May 1984, then in its unexpurgated (not that it was much expurgated) carbon copy form.

If by any chance some readers want to know what Steve Cleary had to say in complaint about my second column, here is a copy of the letter as published in the same edition of Concourse:

Amongst my Keele papers I also have the original of Steve Cleary’s letter to Concourse. I cannot fathom how that came into my possession. Either Steve placed a copy in the “Ha” pigeon hole for Hackgrass to pick up or possibly genial Uncle Quentin gave it to me as a souvenir once I outed myself as Hackgrass in the summer of 1985. Steve might know…and Steve might, by now, have forgiven me.

“All References To Persons Have Been De-Genderised”: The Spring 1984 Edition of the Keele Students’ Union Constitution Springs Forth

With grateful thanks to Philip Lucas, who kindly sent me his copies of the ancient documents described in and scanned for this piece.

A few months ago, when I wrote about redrafting the Students’ Union Constitution in the piece linked here and below…

Tackling So-Called Keele Apathy By Encouraging Fellow Students To Do Stuff, January 1984

…I received a surprising amount of correspondence about it. One very kind piece of correspondence from Philip Lucas, responding to my bemoaning the fact that I had a copy of the old constitution my labours were replacing but not the magnum opus I helped to produce, said:

…would you like my original copies of the 1984 Constitution and Standing Orders…? I am happy to post them to you.

Another, from Malcolm Cornelius, stated that he recalled working with me on proof-reading that revised constitution document. I remembered that too, when reminded. Heck, now that the document itself has arrived, we have documentary evidence that Malcolm’s assertion was true.

I sense that the document was produced over the Easter break that year, such that the proof-reading exercise, which extended to 34 pages of Constitution and 10 pages of Standing Orders, must have formed part of the “How Not To Revise” efforts that Malcom and I attempted jointly in April that year:

How Not To Revise For Your Finals At Keele, Part One: The Start Of The Easter Holidays, Early April 1984

No wonder Malcolm and I were exploring ways of imbibing coffee and whiskey jointly too!

Many readers are no doubt itching to read bits of the 1984 Constitution and Standing Orders, not least because it is a proto-example of gender-neutral drafting.

Click here or on the image above to read a pdf of the Constitution

Click here or on the image above to read a pdf of the Standing Orders

I am in retrospect proud of myself for taking on such a dull yet useful task. I believe firmly that Malcolm Cornelius and I should qualify for Honorary Life Membership of The Dull Men’s Club by dint of having done this. I might even write to the doyens of that club requesting same. The only nagging question about that, of course, is whether Malcolm and I should insist on the club changing its name to “The Dull Persons’ Club” or “The Dull People’s Club” before we would accept the honour.

Parenthetically, and with characteristic proof-reading pedantry, I now far prefer the word “people” to the word “persons”, the former feeling more like flowing English to me, the latter feeling more like a sub-editor’s short-cut to a gender neutral word.

Back then we could have taken our lead from Depeche Mode, of all people, who were in the Top Ten around that time with the following hymn to diversity:

I, Sabbatical: Keele Students’ Union Education & Welfare Election Week, Mid March 1984

“Welcome To The Top Table”. Picture 1985, with thanks to Mark Ellicott

I claim in my diary not to remember much about this week…John White reports similarly from his diary when he ran successfully for the sabbatical Union Secretary role a couple of weeks earlier…

Strolling Bones, John White’s Election & My “Photo Sesh” At Keele, Late February & Early March 1984

..yet there are several aspects of that election week that I remember very clearly, forty years later.

The Story So Far…

Just to summarise the story so far – I was quietly trying to ensure that the Union Committee for 84/85 would be a lot more effective and less chaotic than the 83/84 team, which was beset with ructions and (often self-inflicted) problems.

My dream team for 84/85 included my girlfriend, Bobbie Scully, as Education and Welfare sabbatical. Bobbie had other plans and turned out to be better at the Machiavellian stuff than me, ganging up with other friends to turn the tables on me.

I saw Bobbie at the Gresham Society dinner earlier this week (writing in March 2024) and warned her that I would be writing up the story of her stitching me up for this role.

Quite right, except the truth of it was that you tried to stitch me up and the easiest way out of it was for me to stitch you up instead

That’s clear.

A late Renaissance petard. There’s me, setting it off, about to be hoist by it, while Malcolm Cornelius and Bobbie Scully watch from a safe distance

Malcolm Cornelius and Annalisa de Mercur helped me produce my manifestos…

Education and Welfare 1984/85 Campaign Manifesto, University of Keele Students’ Union, March 1984

…while the Germans (aka Rubella)…

What Did A Dark Room, A Digital Manifesto, German Measles & Andrea’s Party Have In Common At Keele In Early March 1984?

…held me back from campaigning until the last few days of the race.

Other Random Memories Prior To Canvassing

  • I recall that there were 11 nominations for the role of Education & Welfare that year and all of us remained in the race and appeared on the ballot paper. That was believed to be a record back then and might still be a record.
  • I hoped to get endorsement from the Liberals and Labour…although I was a member of neither…on the basis that the position is apolitical, no-one amongst the 11 candidates was a member of either party and that my political leanings were (are) unattached liberal-left. The Liberals went for it without fuss…my flat, Barnes L54 was sort-of “Liberals Central” with Pete Wild living there and Melissa Oliveck hanging out there with Pete much of the time.
  • It was much harder to persuade Labour to endorse me. I had been a member of Labour Club until a year or two previous but had not identified enough with the local MP nor the party line to feel comfortable with formal alignment. One of the candidates decided to try to carpetbag Labour endorsement by joining Labour Club. Truda Smith, by then head of Labour Club, thought that was good enough. Frank Dillon, presumably thinking differently, took it upon himself as Secretary of Labour club to come round and see me in Barnes L54, give me a good grilling and decide who to propose for Labour endorsement. It was the first time I had a long chat with Frank, but for sure it was not the last.

Frank did not say, “Ian Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship…”

…but I did get the Labour endorsement and it was the beginning of a friendship with Frank that has endured.

The Legwork Campaign Began

Sunday 11 March 1984 – Started canvassing this afternoon- hard work. Went to KRA with Vivian in evening after.

Monday 12 March 1984 – Canvassed hard today – went to UGM in evening – left early – went over to Bobbie’s – came back.

Tuesday 13 March 1984 – Hard canvassing all day today – refecs, rooms, etc. V tiring – popped in to see B after for a while.

Wednesday 14 March 1984 – Canvassed hard all day – went Union in eve with Bobbie – came back.

I recall getting advice from Dr Scott on whether my rubella presented a risk to anyone – he gave me a rule to follow ahead of going door to door, which I think would have enabled me to start on the Saturday but I waited until the Sunday “to be sure”. That didn’t prevent one “spoiler” rumour that I was spreading rubella and might cause birth defects were I to infect a pregnant woman while canvassing, rendering me utterly unsuited to a welfare post. I remember being furious about that one.

I also recall some low-level attempts to spoil my campaign by the Tories, who saw me as a Union insider and a leftie at that. I particularly remember Laura Helm and one of her Tory pals trying to delay me and/or honey-trap me by flirting with me and inviting me in when I went to Laura’s door. Didn’t work. I dread to think what might have happened had I taken the bait. I remember Laura telling me after the election that she sensed that I would win it from the way I handled that stunt.

Laura second from left, with “the Tory crowd” – thanks Mark Ellicott for the picture

I also remember Duncan Baldwin, with whom I studied both Economics and Law, telling me that he was going to vote for me despite the difference in our political views, because he sensed that I would be honest and diligent, which he felt was what the Union needed. I remember being moved by that statement and also thinking that I would be well-placed if there were plenty of others who thought like Duncan.

I also remember my Malay friends telling me that they were not going to vote because they wouldn’t be around the following year and that they felt that the matter should be determined by those who would be living with the consequences of that vote. An interesting morality, not one that I shared but I understood it. I thought that factor might run against me if there were too many of my friends who felt that way.

I hadn’t set foot in a refectory for years, but chose to eat in them while canvassing. One person in the refectory told me that they were going to vote for me because I removed my plates and bowls from the tray rather than scoffing from the tray. I didn’t read too much psephology into that event but never forgot the strange exchange.

I oriented my campaign to some extent to encourage overseas students to vote. I felt that they got a raw deal and that there were interests of theirs that I could advocate, both on the education and welfare side of things. Blessing Odatuwa and Bobbie’s friend Lara from Lindsay K Block lobbied the Cameroonian and Nigerian communities (respectively) for me. I knew Tony Wong and others from the Chinese student community well, following several years of joint activities – Bobbie was also well connected with that crowd.

Election Days And Aftermath

Thursday 15 March 1984 – Whole day in concourse – very tiring. Went to J-Soc and on to Union after with Bobbie – came back after.

Friday 16 March 1984 – Big day – Concourse all day (charades at end!!) – result – won – don’t remember much!! Bobbie came back.

Saturday 17 March 1984 – Rose quite late – went off to Lichfield etc – went to restaurant in Hanley -> Union after -> Bobiie’s.

“Don’t remember much” is not quite true.

I do remember Bobbie’s friend Lara, in the concourse, trying to badger some of her fellow Nigerian students into voting for me.  Bobbie berated Lara for being overly persuasive – she was virtually dragging reluctant people towards the ballot box – but Lara said, “a bit of political thuggery never did any harm”.  She was 18 or 19 years old.

I’m not sure what I mean by “charades”. I was being ultra careful to do everything by the spirit as well as the letter of the rules. At one point, because there was a shortage of people to staff the ballot boxes, I noticed that both Bobbie and Annalisa were the pair on the boxes. Given that they were both actively part of my team, that felt wrong. I remember raising an objection myself, suggesting to Vivian that she must replace one of them in a hurry, only for all the other candidates to tell Vivian not to bother and me not to worry…they trusted Bobbie and Annalisa to behave impartially on the ballot boxes. That’s what happens when you are trustworthy.

Annalisa – a card carrying member of the Union

But hanging around in the concourse was rather dull, especially towards the end of a two-day election, by which time most people had either voted or long-since decided not to bother to vote. So perhaps we actually played charades, as I do remember a good feeling among the candidates…

…at least, there was certainly a good feeling among the candidates before we played charades.

The count took ages, not least because there were eleven candidates and counting was done using the single transferrable vote system. Malcolm Cornelius could explain to you in excruciating detail how that works. Ask him…go on, ask him.

Actually, the voting was quite close among the ten other people in the election, who I think all landed somewhere between 40 and 100 first votes. I landed just over 200. Thus I think the eliminations did need to be done one by one., which is very time-consuming.

I recall being nervous and fretting that I might have needed more first votes than I got in order to win the election, thinking that I might have been a “marmite candidate” who mostly landed only first preferences. At one point I remember Bobbie taking me aside and telling me, long before the result was called, that I should relax because I’d won.

ME: But I might not have enough second preferences…

BOBBIE: Yes you do.

ME: What makes you so sure?

BOBBIE: Because I sat on those blinking ballot boxes for hours and most people did their voting in front of me.

Of course Bobbie as right – the transfers landed in similar proportions to the first votes and my margin kept increasing.

The tallying might have looked a bit like this, only with younger people and no Gerald Ford pipe

The only thing I really remember about the celebrations was being descended upon by the gang from my old Lindsay F Block: Richard van Baaren, Benedict Coldstream and Bob Schumacher, who carried me aloft around the main bar for a while, much to my fearful chagrin. Big units, those guys, they were never going to drop me.

To Summarise…

I got elected as sabbatical Education & Welfare Officer in March 1984. I tried to keep my promises when in office between June 1984 and June 1985.

H Ackgrass Column From Concourse March 1984

I told the story of H Ackgrass’s “birth” and initial column in the article linked here and below:

Keele Gossip Columnist H Ackgrass is born, Concourse, February 1984

The extract from Concourse that follows contains the second published column. Unfortunately, I either failed to keep or mislaid my carbon copy of the submission. That second column was cruelly edited, as my whinge in the third column (May 1984) attests.

Unless I find the carbon copy misplaced amongst other papers (vaguely possible but unlikely 40+ years hence) we shall never know the detail of the scurrilous scribbles that were edited out, nor shall we discover which good jokes were cruelly pinched and inserted into other people’s articles in that March 1984 edition of Concourse. Naughty Uncle Quentin (Quentin Reubens, then editor of Concourse).

Anyway, here is the column that did get published on Page Seven of the March 1984 Concourse.

What Did A Dark Room, A Digital Manifesto, German Measles & Andrea’s Party Have In Common At Keele In Early March 1984?

Me, unusually shorn, presumably for PR purposes

Answer: They all strangely find their way into one week of my diary.

Quite a week, that first full week of March 1984. Once the decision was made that I’d run for Education & Welfare, the campaign went into overdrive. What could possibly go wrong?

Sunday 4 March 1984

Rose quite early – worked a little – spent afternoon in dark room with Annalisa [de Mercur] etc. Popped over to Bobbie’s in eve.

Monday, 5 March 1984

Busy working on manifesto today – got quite a bit done – constitutional committee in the evening – went over to Bobbies after.

Tuesday, 6 March 1984

Not feeling very well today – worked on manifesto today – almost done – went over to Bobbie’s – really felt ghastly!

Wednesday, 7 March 1984

Worked on manifesto today – covered in German Measles. today. Took it fairly easy.

The reason the manifesto was such a time consuming matter was a decision, taken jointly with my campaign manager, Malcolm Cornelius, to produce both the manifesto and leaflet (known as a supplementary manifesto) using digital technology. I wrote this up several years ago in the following piece, click here or the image link below:

Education and Welfare 1984/85 Campaign Manifesto, University of Keele Students’ Union, March 1984

Word processing on a University mainframe in 1984 was a non-trivial matter, believe me. Malcolm, who was pretty geeky back then and possibly remains so, could probably explain in excruciating detail what we had to go through to get that job done. Ask him. Go on, ask him.

I merely remember a lot of trial and error and also remember not feeling at all well throughout the process, probably because I had Rubella, commonly known as German Measles.

Younger readers, please do not berate my parents for failing to have me vaccinated – our generation didn’t have a vaccination for Rubella. What was supposed to happen was that you had the disease as a child and then never got it again because the instance of having the disease effectively vaccinated you. Some of us were careless enough to avoid the disease until the fourth year at University – or even longer in some cases – then get it at an inconvenient time…which for me this unquestionably was.

It would have been so much worse had the Rubella presented before the photo shoot. Any spots you might detect on the images from the shoot are either dust or my regular spots and blotches, which were quite numerous when I was in my very early twenties. Please let us not discuss THAT tie.

Thursday, 8 March 1984

Still not very well – spots disappearing – busyish, but took it fairly easy. Finished manifesto etc. Bobbie came over later.

Friday, 9 March 1984

Feeling a bit better today – Bobbie went away – manifesto’s in and supp’s out.– Social Sec election & big appeal over VP internal.

Saturday 10 March still quite tired – has an easy day today – went to Andrea’s party in eve – on to union briefly.

Right, so not only did Bobbie abandon me to run that election…the one I had hoped she’d be running for…but she went away for the weekend ahead of my campaign proper starting. In retrospect I don’t blame her at all, but I do remember feeling a bit miffed at the time.

Although I was a candidate for the following week’s election, I was still Chair of Election Appeals for that week’s election. I sense that the Social Secretary election went smoothly…

Here’s me with Pady Jalali, who won that election. Image Summer 1985 with thanks to Mark Ellicott

…whereas the VP Internal election had some element of hoo-ha attached to it, probably long-since forgotten by all concerned. Hayward Burt won that election and it is just possible that he remembers the hoo-ha.

Me and Hayward in the summer of 1985 – thanks Mark Ellicott for the picture

Ironically, the challenge probably came from the Tories, as Hayward was, in those days, one of the “Liberals with infeasibly strange names”. Hayward now can be found through more Conservative channels. I wonder whether he remembers what the shenanigans were on this occasion. I’ll send this piece to him and ask him.

Update: Hayward Replies…

Thanks for the heads up and the photo (I used to be thin! who knew?)

The controversy rings no bells at all, the result was v close between me and the Labour Club chap and I remember being absolutely knacked with all the door knocking.

“Andrea’s party” on the Saturday will have been Andrea Collins’ (now Woodhouse’s) party. Strangely, a Facebook birthday reminder for Andrea popped up on my FB tab while I was in the process of producing this piece.

Malcolm might have been unusually geeky back then but in many ways we are all geeks now, forty years on.

I’ll send Andrea a “Happy Birthday” message by dint of a link to this piece – Happy Birthday Andrea!

Education and Welfare 1984/85 Campaign Manifesto, University of Keele Students’ Union, March 1984

I was a reluctant candidate for the union sabbatical post of Education and Welfare officer. I thought I had done a grand Machiavellian job of ensuring that the 1984/85 committee would be just fine. The last piece of the jigsaw, in my mind, was to persuade Bobbie Scully to run for Education and Welfare.

Unfortunately, Bobbie was quietly more Machiavellian than me (the fact that she was studying politics as well as law probably helped), so I found the tables turned and I somehow succumbed to peer pressure to run myself.

Here is the manifesto, now in pieces but thus scan-able in three parts.

Manifesto One of Three Compressed Manifesto Two of Three compressed Manifesto Three of Three Compressed

It is not easy to fool WordPress into more or less presenting the thing as it looked. I probably could make it look a bit better, but for now the above presentation will have to do.

Intriguingly, in similar context, I believe my manifesto was the first ever union manifesto to be word-processed. Hence the bold lettering etc. It was a devil of a job using the University mainframe’s text editor software. If my diary is to be believed, we spent serious chunks of four or five days to get this seemingly trivial job done; it was a non-trivial task back then.

My friend and campaign manager Malcolm Cornelius deserves all the credit for the idea and the hard yards to get the job done. I believe that Malcolm went on to a glorious career in IT consulting; perhaps his work on my manifesto was an important staging-post in his career.

Here’s the supplementary manifesto, which was similarly word-processed and formed part of that multi-day task. Another innovation was the use of DL size for these supplementaries. People tended to go for A5 two-sided and ration their allocation of one ream of A4 accordingly. I thought that DL, yielding 1,500 rather than 1,000 leaflets, was a good idea.

Supplementary Manifesto Both Sides

At some stage, I’ll pull some memories and diary notes together on the election campaign itself. Suffice it to say at this stage that the campaign succeeded and I was elected.

Strolling Bones, John White’s Election & My “Photo Sesh” At Keele, Late February & Early March 1984

John White nearly 40 years later

In truth, the first week of this two-week write up is not the most exciting week I spent at Keele. But for the record:

Here’s a translation of that week’s scrawl:

Sunday, 19 February 1984

Rose, quite late – ate – took Jilly to Stoke – returned – Malc [Malcolm Cornelius] came over in eve – went union

Monday, 20 February 1984

Busyish day – UGM etc. to prepare. UGM went quite badly at first – went back to B’s [Bobbie Scully’s] after.

Tuesday, 21 February 1984

Busyish day – did some work etc – went shopping. Cooked K 41 meal in eve. Popped over to B’s in eve.

Wednesday 22 February 1984

Not bad day – worked on Constitution etc – did some work also. B came over quite late – stayed.

Thursday, 23 February 1984

Not bad day – in union – distributed AP [Alternative Prospectus?] quite a bit – did little work. Came back. Went over B’s for awhile.

Friday, 24 February 1984

Busyish day – got lots of odd ends done (??). Went to see Strolling Bones in eve – B came back here.

Saturday, 25 February 1924

Easyish day – went shopping. Didn’t work – went over to Bobbie’s in eve – stayed

I’m struggling to remember who the K41 crowd were. I think possibly Andrea Collins (now Woodhouse) and her gang. Or possibly Viv Robinson’s mob.

Malcolm Cornelius recently commented, when matters of revising the constitution came up on a facebook posting:

I remember spending hours with you going thru line by line and rewriting it into plain(er) English. Pretty advanced for the time. I also still recalling moving procedural motions 38b2 and the like !

That comment of Malcolm’s might qualify as the geekiest comment ever on the Forever Keele Facebook Group 🙂

Regarding the Strolling Bones, or perhaps I should more accurately say Mick Swagger & the Strolling Bones, in truth I didn’t remember having seen them until I found that diary entry. But the description of them – in particular Mick Swagger’s gyrating, brought it back to me.

Image borrowed from Fairways Entertainments Tribute Act Site

An extraordinary thing about this act, I suppose, is that part of the conceit of that tribute act playing the student circuit back then was that the Rolling Stones had been going for nearly 22 years – i.e. since before I (and almost all of us) at Keele at that time had been born. Who would have guessed that, 40 years after that, The Rolling Stones would still be going?

Weird.

But not as memorable to me as The Bootleg Beatles had been in December 1980:

The Day The Bootleg Beatles Came To Keele’s Lindsay Ball & John Lennon Died, 8 December 1980

Sunday, 26 February 1984

Lazyish day – Malcolm came over – wrote essay early eve – went over Malcs -> Bobbie’s for eve.

Monday, 27 February 1984

Busyish day – rotten cold – busy round union etc. Constitutional Committee in eve etc – Bobbie stayed.

Tuesday 28 February 1984

Fairly busy day – did some work etc – popped over to Bobbie’s for a while in eve.

Wednesday, 29 February 1984

Busyish – shopping – working – etc. Popped over to B’s, briefly, in eve.

Thursday, 1 March 1984

Busyish day working etc. Did quite a lot of things. With J-Soc in eve – worked after – B came over late.

Friday, March 1984

Busyish day – election today – and EAP [election appeals] committee – went over to Bobbie’s for while after.

Saturday, 3 March 1984

Shopped etc today – easyish day – photo session in afternoon etc – went to Hanley for Chinese with B– went back there after.

At some point around that time – I think probably on that Sunday in late February, Bobbie and Malcolm turned the tables on me and persuaded me that I should run for Education & Welfare Officer. My plan had been for Bobbie to fulfil that role – she’d have been bloody good at it and was certainly popular enough to get elected – but she had no intention of sticking around at Keele for another year.

I remember at one point hedging, by saying that i would only do it if the right people got elected in that week’s elections. That meant John White as Secretary and Pete Wild as Treasurer.

“I won” says John – photo thanks to Mark Ellicott

“So did I” says Pete – photo also thanks to Mark Ellicott

That election on the Friday confirmed their election and I had run out of road with the Malcolms and Bobbies of this world.

I’m pretty sure it was Annalisa De Mercur who did the “photo sesh”. The Hanley Chinese with Bobbie will have been the same one we went to before Christmas with Malcolm and Ruth. No-one remembers the name but Malcolm recalls:

That Chinese was for the time pretty good, I remember red flock wallpaper and the first time I ever had fresh lychees was there.  No idea what its name was!

Next time I’ll share with you the results of the photo sesh and other ephemera from that era. I’ll also explain why my campaign was nearly nipped in the bud by an attack of the Germans. Watch this space.

An Action-Packed Week At Keele In Mid-February 1984

Truda Smith, Kate Fricker & Mark Ellicott, with thanks to the latter for the photo

Another week in which the diary only tells a small part of the story, as my memory dredges other details too, not least the fact that Kate (now Susan) Fricker was elected SU President that week.

Sunday 12 February 1984 – Took Bobbie [Scully] to Health Centre in the morning – not at all well. Odd day clearing up etc – saw film – went Union in evening.

Monday 13 February 1984 – Funny day – tried visit B etc. – let her out in afternoon – went there & Constitutional Committee eve – met Jula [close friend of Bobbie’s] et. al. afterwards

I don’t remember what ailed Bobbie, but this incident brought back memories of my own incarceration in the health centre at the same time of year the previous year with glandular fever.

Isolation, “Socially-Distant” Visits, Steroids, Peculiar Reading Matter & Strange Happenings: A Week In The Keele Health Centre With Glandular Fever, Mid February 1983

I wonder whether Bobbie had rubella, as I was afflicted with that two or three weeks after her captivity.

“Funny day…” – I am pretty sure that Concourse came out around then (probably the Monday), with my seminal H Ackgrass article in it.

Keele Gossip Columnist H Ackgrass is born, Concourse, February 1984

In order to cover my tracks, I was as visceral about myself in that initial piece as I had been about the students’ union protagonists. I particularly remember Annalisa de Mercur approaching me in the Chancellor’s Building, worried that I might be upset by the coverage. So concerned was she and so seemingly unconvinced by my shrugging it off, I confessed to her that I was H Ackgrass and adopted her into the small inner sanctum of spies henceforward. This proved to be a useful tactic, as Annalisa was a bit differently connected to people on the periphery of union politics than my other spies and was unlikely to be suspected as part of an underground H Ackgrass network.

Tuesday, 14 February 1984 – Pleasant day – prepared talk for evening – fairly lazy day – gave talk to Careless Talk in eve – Bobbie came back.

Wednesday, 15 February 1984 – Busyish day about place – shopped – worked etc. Popped over to B’s for a while in eve.

I’ve talked about Careless Talk otherwise known as “Bob & Sally’s Thing”) previously…

A Keele Finalist In Autumn: Visits To Careless Talk, The Financial Times And The SU Women’s Toilet, Early November 1983

…but I did not in truth remember ever giving a talk to Careless Talk. Ashley Fletcher and/or Sally Hyman might remember what I talked about. It might have been something to do with the economics I was studying (I was deep into the pharmaceutical industry for my dissertation that year) or something to do with my view that reform is universally preferable to revolution.

Thursday, 16 February 1984 – Busyish day – worked, union etc – didn’t get much work done. Went over to B’s – stayed.

Friday, 17 February 1984 – Hectic day – shops – classes, etc. Election count etc – Jilly [Black] arrived – went home and had meal.

Saturday, 18 February 1984 – I showed Jilly around – went to Newcastle – came back – cooked a big meal – stayed in after.

Jilly visiting Keele, but I think this photo was on a subsequent visit later that year.

Kate Fricker winning that presidential election was the first peg in the ground of a seemingly suitable committee for 1984/85. Good people, such as John White and Pete Wild, had already put their names forward for the next round of elections by then too. In my mind, Bobbie would be the final sabbatical peg as Education & Welfare Officer, but Bobbie had other ideas.

Unconnected with union politics, I think Bobbie went away that weekend to see her family. That will have been one of the reasons that it was a suitable weekend for Jilly to visit Keele. I’m not entirely sure who would have participated in “the big meal” I describe for the Saturday, but it might well have included people like Annalisa de Mercur and/or Michelle Epstein. It might well have included my flatmate Alan Gorman, who enjoyed the sort of food I cooked, as did Vivian Robinson, with whom I was very much on dining terms by then. My other flatmates, Pete Wild and his regularly visiting girlfriend Melissa Oliveck were strict vegetarians, as was, I think, Chris Spencer, the other actual resident.

Whoever it was who dined, given that I described it as “a big meal”, Barnes L54 will have been buzzing that evening.

As a slightly strange postscript – several of the characters from this piece met up for dinner almost exactly forty years after the events:

A Black & White Evening With Jilly, John & Mandy (But Not Annalisa) At The Punch Room & Pahli Hill Bandra Bhai, 16 February 2024