John Major Just Cares Like Me, Topical Lyric, 7 July 1996

Written primarily for NewsRevue, I think this one was performed during the summer of 1996. I don’t think it made it to Edinburgh though; maybe it did.

These days (writing in December 2015) the notion that New Labour is almost indistinguishable from the Conservatives is considered to be hard-left Corbynism, but in those days, before Labour took power in 1997, it was pretty much the way most people felt.

Click here for a YouTube link to the Nina Simone recording of the original song, with those original lyrics helpfully shown in the notes, or below just to hear Nina.

♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬

♬ JOHN MAJOR JUST CARES LIKE ME
(To the Tune of “My Baby Just Cares For Me”) ♬

VERSE 1 – JOHN MAJOR – SOLUS

John Major don’t care for fools,
John Major don’t care for schools,
John Major just cares for beef;
John Major don’t care for bastards’ tactics,
John Major don’t care for Eurosceptics.
George Gardener is not my style,
And even Peter Lilley’s guile,
Is something I don’t need;
John Major don’t care who knows,
John Major just cares for me.

MIDDLE EIGHT – INSTRUMENTAL – LET THE PIANIST SEIZE THE DAY

(John dances a little – then enter Tony Blair)
JOHN: Hello Tony. Have you come to join me?
TONY: I’ve been with you all the while, John.
(They dance together – at points synchronised – at some points chronically unsynchronised)
TONY: I say I say I say. What’s the difference between new labour and old conservatism?
JOHN: I don’t know. What is the difference between new labour and old conservatism?
TONY: I don’t know. I thought you knew. What’s this “New Labour, new danger” bit then?
JOHN: New danger that the British public gets another 17 years of the same old rubbish, I suppose. I don’t write ’em. I just tell ’em.
(They dance some more.)

VERSE 2 – BOTH

TONY: New Labour don’t care for wealth,
New Labour don’t care for health,
JOHN: It cares like me!!
TONY: New Labour don’t care for left wing vision,
TONY: New Labour don’t care for Socialism.
JOHN: Eric Heffer is not his style,
TONY: And even Norman Tebbit’s smile,
Is something I can see;
JOHN: (Its something he can see)
I wonder what’s wrong with Bambi?
TONY: John Major just cares for,
JOHN: The stuff Tony Blair’s for?,
BOTH: {New Labour just cares like me.}
{John Major just cares like me.}
Yeah!!

 

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