If I Had A…, NewsRevue Running Gag Of Quickies (Unused), 25 February 1993

I can’t imagine why these weren’t used…

…oh, all right, I can imagine why they weren’t used.

At least they don’t exactly date.

                                                  IF I HAD A …..

(A running gag of quickies to the Tune of “If I had a Hammer”)

Guitarist gently strums the pleasant riff from this song.

He encourages the audience to sing along with him on the oohh oohhs each time.

 

QUICKIE 1 – STAMMER

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;

If I had a stammer,

I’d stammer in the morning,

I’d s s s s s s;

 

QUICKIE 2 – HAMMOCK

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;

If I had a hammock,

I’d (snorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

 

QUICKIE 3 – WHAMMER (not for children or people of a nervous disposition)

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;

If I had a whammer,

I’d (makes wanking gesture) in the morning,

I’d (makes wanking gesture) in the evening,

All over this hand.

 

QUICKIE 4 – HUMMER

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;

If I were a hummer,

I’d hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm,

Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm,

Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm.

 

QUICKIE 5 – GRAMMAR

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;

If I had no grammar,

I’d in the morning grammar,

I’d evening in the grammar…..(ends in confusion)

 

THAT’S ENOUGH “IF I HAD A…..” QUICKIES

Here and below is Trini Lopez singing If I Had A hammer – click through here to see the lyrics too:

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