Month: June 1993

I’m The Leader Of the Tory Gang, NewsRevue Lyric, 28 June 1993

I must have had glam rock on the brain that summer, as my previous “piece”, a week or so earlier, was also glam:

Blockvoter, NewsRevue Lyric, 20 June 1993

Anyway, here is the Tory Gang lyric, which I don’t think was used, but it might have been – I’m realising from my submission sheets that quite a lot of lyrics that I don’t recall seeing used actually were used.

Postscript: yes, this one was used as evidenced by the next submission sheet.

I’M THE LEADER OF THE TORY GANG

(To the Tune of “I’m the Leader of the Gang I Am”)
 
INTRO (The Chorus come on to the stage – John Major Doesn’t)
 
VOICEOVER: And now the Prime Minister, John Major, will come on to explain his new decisive policy towards ministerial appointments and dismissals.
 
CHORUS:Come on come on, come on come on, come on come on come on;
MAJOR:No way.
CHORUS:Come on come on, come on come on, come on come on come on;
MAJOR:(Enters) Oh all right;
 
MAIN BIT (The voice is Major, the visual is “Glitterati”)
 
MAJOR:I’m gonna stand beside you, guide you chide you;
I’m gonna stand beside you;
CHORUS:Oh no!
MAJOR:Although I tried to guard you, far too hard to;
And so I shall discard you…. (oh yes)
I’m the leader, and the weeder,
I’m the leader of the Tory gang;
I’m the leader and the media,
Says my conscience never feels a pang.
 
MIDDLE BIT
 
MAJOR:I can hire you, show me your flair, no one calls me square;
I can fire you, I have no soul, soon your head may roll.
I shuffled out Norman,
CHORUS:Lamont Lamont;
MAJOR:And may throw out more men,
CHORUS:You won’t you won’t;
MAJOR:So now I’m not boring
CHORUS:You are you are.
 
CLIMAX (the Chorus moves in on Major)
 
MAJOR: Ja wanna be a Tory gory story,
Or are you after glory?
CHORUS:Oh yes.
MAJOR:Why are you getting nearer, steer-a, clearer,
You’re making me feel queerer;
CHORUS:Oh yes.
MAJOR:Why don’t you three go draft a, dafter, charter?
Just tell me what you’re after,
CHORUS:RESIGN!!
 

Trigger warning: The song “I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am!)” was a big hit for Gary Glitter, later thoroughly disgraced as a child abuser. But in 1973 he was top of the pops. You don’t have to click the video if you don’t want to; I cannot really watch this material any more:

https://youtu.be/8hPoOOhXg-k

You can read the lyrics of “I’m The Leader Of the Gang (I Am!) by clicking here.

Another Dinner Party, Another Long Weekend, 24 to 27 June 1993

According to Janie’s diary, she came to the Canal Cafe with me on the Thursday evening (24th) to see NewsRevue.

We’d both booked the Friday out, so my guess is that the idea was to sort out the food for Saturday’s dinner party together on the Friday.

Janie’s order is written on the Friday page and is Lebanese food, so this party will have been a smaller scale version of the New Years do a few months earlier:

Twixtmas 1992, Kim & Micky For Lunch Bank Holiday Monday 28 December, Jane’s Party 31 December 1992

We’ll have gone to Mrs Saad’s place in Notting Hill/North Kernsington together to place the order – and what an order for six people. My guess is that this was one of those occasions when Janie and I ended up eating Lebanese left-overs for a week afterwards…

…worse things can happen.

Look at the order/notes:

The veal and pork mixed mince is my prescription for cha chiang. Did we serve the odd Chinese dish as well? Or perhaps the deal was that I would cook a noce meal on the Friday ahead of the party-style feast on Saturday.

It was Janie’s birthday after all – our first of those together.

Janie’s diary also mentions Jill the aromatherapist visiting us at the house on the afternoon of her birthday/birthday bash.

In those days, I was seeing John Chaney at Lampton Place for massage during the week.

The visit from Jill (Wootton) was probably the first time Janie and I had a massage-type therapy treatment together.

Bless.

We both remember Jill moving away and giving up maassage/aromatherapy quite soon after we started working with her. It seems that Jill is now (2019/2023) a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist instead.

As for the dinner party; it is clear that we got Mrs Saad to deliver the food and I am pretty sure it is safe to say that the evening was a great success.

Looks like a lot of food – that can’t have been just for six of us. I’ll guess that the guest numbers went up without additional names being written down.

Bish Bash Bosh NewsRevue Submission, 20 June 1993

That summer, NewsRevue attempted to spread beyond its Canal Cafe (Little Venice) and Edinburgh roots by trying an additional venue, named Bish Bash Bosh, in Willesden Green.

My submission, below, is addressed to Keith (presumably Keith Wickham). I’m not sure how many of these he used – from memory perhaps two or three.

Googling Bish Bash Bosh Willesden reveals only the following relevant piece, click here, which brings back many happy and bittersweet memories of Ivan Shakespeare’s very best work. It also confirms my memories of where Bish Bash Bosh was. If by chance anything goes awry with that link, I have scraped Ivan’s classic to here.

Willesden Green stn building north

Anyway, here is my June 1993 submission:

LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING

BISH BASH BOSH STARTER PACK
 
Dear Keith
 
I enclose your fun pack of lyrics and tape.  The pack includes some current ones and some golden oldies.  Note the huge spread of music ranging from the 1930s to the 1990s, pausing only occasionally in the good old 70s.
 
Please let me know if there are any others that you can remember that you want.  I have tried to choose the better ones.
 
See you soon.
 

Blockvoter, NewsRevue Lyric, 20 June 1993

Writing more than 25 years later (March 2019), I realise that the manner in which political parties govern themselves is and has been a perennial source of difficulty.

This lyric, from June 1993, in about the trades union block vote in the Labour Party constitution at that time. John Smith was the leader of the Labour Party then.

BLOCK VOTER

(To the Tune of “Blockbuster”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Oh-ah, oh-ah,
You’d better beware, of the union scare,
Cos people say Labour and unions would power share;
To come from behind, Labour party’s resigned,
That voting at the Labour conference must be redesigned.
 
VERSE 2
 
Oh-ah, oh-ah,
But just look and see, the TUC,
Won’t lie back and take loss of power quite that easily;
Bill Morris pouts, John Edmonds shouts,
And Labour must listen cos unions still have the clout.
 
CHORUS 1
 
Does anyone rue the day, they heard John Smith say,
SMITH:”We just haven’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, that he can clear away,
The block voters.
 
VERSE 3
 
Their backs were up, they all ran amok,
But ruining labour means unions are still all stuck;
The unions thought, their balls are caught,
This quarrel could be the last battle that Socialists fought.
 
CHORUS 2
 
Can anyone hear the way, or grasp what Jim Knapp says,
KNAPP:”We just haven’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, the TUC will sway,
The block voters.
 
CHORUS 3
 
Does anyone know the way, to change the folk who say,
VOTER:”Labour hasn’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, there’s got to be a way,
To win voters.
 
 

Below is a video of glam rock band, the Sweet, singing Blockbuster:

If you want to read The Sweet lyrics, then click here.

Ken, NewsRevue Lyric, 20 June 1993

It is extraordinary to think that, more than 25 years after I wrote this lyric, as I write in March 2019, Ken Clarke is still sitting in the House of Commons; currently the father of the house. This lyric commemorated his elevation to Chancellor of the Exchequer.

KEN


(To the Tune of “Ben”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Ken, the Tory whips need look no more,
They have found their ideal Chancellor;
Your career is at its peak,
So with your ruthless streak,
We guess you’ll presently,
Cut back the treasury {cut back the treasury}.
 
VERSE 2
 
Ken you’re always running different posts {different posts},
We’re not sure which you’ve screwed up the most {screwed up the most};
If your legal mind by chance,
Can understand finance,
You’ll see that Britain’s spent,
‘Tho you are corpulent {yes you are corpulent}.
 
MIDDLE BIT
 
You used to say finance need,
Now it’s cut, now it’s bleed.
 
{You used to trust Tory wets
Now you just hedge your bets}
 
 
VERSE 3
 
Ken, the dry Tories will vote your way {will vote your way}
When the poor have got more tax to pay {more tax to pay}
Then what motivates you most,
Is your next Tory post,
If you go up again,
It will be number ten;
{Fat Ken}
Ascend
{Don’t spend}
Fat Ken.

Here is Michael Jackson singing Ben, with the lyrics on the screen:

https://youtu.be/TvGEZ4S_SuY

Thai And Yellow Chicken In The Old Oak Tree, NewsRevue Lyric, 20 June 1993

I submitted this one several times without success and even rejigged it a bit in October 1993 with hope for the John Random run, with similar results.

Perhaps foodie stuff just didn’t seem topical enough, although I feel that trend towards ubiquitous fusion food did kick off around then.

Indeed one of the ironies that comes to my mind on re-reading this song is that the Canal Cafe’s food concession was taken by a Thai chef soon after I wrote this song – probably the best food set up they had at the place during that 1990’s era.

Click here or below for a YouTube of the original recording of this song, Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree by Tony Orlando and Dawn.

Click here for a link to the original lyrics of the song.

Below is my somewhat improved October 1993 version of the song:

THAI AND YELLOW CHICKEN – VERSION 2

(To the Tune of “Tie a Yellow Ribbon”)

 

VERSE 1

I’m up in town I’ve done my job,

And at home there’s nothing cooking on the hob;

Me and my pals we’ll try a pub that’s called the Old Oak Tree,

We’ll have a simple dinner and we’ll drink a pint or three, but what’s this grub I see?

 

CHORUS 1

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the Old Oak Tree,

After three long pints we want chips and peas, {chips and peas}

We don’t want Myanmaran chicken or Vietnamese,

We’ll kick up a fuss, get on the bus, lets go home and see,

If there is something plain and simple down the old home freeze.

 

VERSE 2

My pals and I we’ll pay a call,

To the late night shops where there is a food hall;

We’ll choose some beer and lager then we’ll go and choose I guess,

Some simple cook chill dinners that we’ll buy from M&S, but these appeal still less.

 

CHORUS 2

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the old home freeze,

There’s Malaysian duck or there’s Guangdongese {Guangdongese}

There’s oven ready Singaporan beef and Pekinese,

A Pol Pot noodle, Rambutan strudel, someone spare us please,

From imitation oriental in the old home freeze.

 

VERSE 3

My pals and I we all agreed,

That we’re partial to an oriental feed,

But we like to taste the spices rather than a plastic sheet,

We’ll try the Chinese restaurant and get some food we’ll eat, then we’ll be replete.

 

CHORUS 3 AND OUTRO

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the old Chinese,

We’ll get three strong meals in the Gold Yangtze…….

But the whole food trade’s gone crazy,

Cos I can’t believe I see,

A hundred pukka pies and chips inside the Gold Yangtze.

(c) Ian Harris 1993

Dinner At Mine With Daniel And Others, 18 Or 19 June 1993

My diary says this dinner at mine was on 19th, Janie’s says 18th.

For sure I took the day off work Friday 18th, but that might have been as much to do with the NewsRevue Smoker the evening before than anything to do with the dinner party.

Janie has written a recipe for some healthy fish salad where Saturday 19th should be in her diary, but I am sure that has nothing to do with my dinner party.

Perhaps she served such healthy, salady stuff later in the weekend to neutralise the ill effects of my lavish meal on the Friday…or was it the Saturday…night.

My diary is suitably vague as to the guests:

Dan+

Dan will be Daniel Scordel. I’m not sure whetehr Daniel and Maz were still an item then – perhaps not given the term “Dan+”.

No idea who else might have been there. Andrea possibly. No more than five or maximum six at my place for a meal.

I’m sure it was a good one.

Submission To Jacqui Somerville’s 1993 Edinburgh Run, 18 June 1993

Jacqui Somerville had nurtured me as a writer in my early days (1992) so I was pleased to learn that she was to direct the 1993 Edinburgh run of NewsRevue. I cannot remember which of these submissions she used, but I do recall that I did rather well out of that run, which was my first year at Edinburgh in NewsRevue, having debuted in that city the previous year in Whoops Vicar Is That Your Dick:

The Ultimate Love Song, Whoops Vicar, NewsRevue, Ben Murphy…, 29 February 1992

But I digress. Here is my submission to Jacqui in 1993:

                       LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING


                              JACQUI SOMERVILLE EDINBURGH 1993 RUN
 
Dear Jacqui
 
I enclose your fun pack of lyrics and tape.  The pack includes some current ones, some golden oldies (none of which have been in the Edinburgh News Revue before) and one or two that I know you like.  I have some good ideas in the pipeline and shall let you see them when they are ready.
 
Please let me know if there are any others that you can remember that you want.  I have tried to choose the better ones.
 
See you soon.

Gordon Brown, NewsRevue Lyric, Much Used & Revised, Original Version 17 June 1993

This lyric about Gordon Brown certainly went the distance for many years in NewsRevue – periodically being revised. In fact, it has surprised me to find that the original version was as early as June 1993. But here it is:

GORDON BROWN

(To the Tune of “Golden Brown”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Gordon Brown, Labour’s first son,
Scottish brogue, like a Glasweigan;
Throughout the weeks, talks through his cheeks,
Speaker may drown, with Gordon Brown.
 
VERSE 2
 
Gordon Brown, shadow finance,
Hates Ken Clarke’s monetary stance;
Don’t reinflate, low interest rate,
Uniform pound, from Gordon Brown.
 
VERSE 3
 
Gordon Brown, thick wavy hair,
Don’t confuse, him with Tony Blair;
Fat cheeks and jowls, he always scowls,
‘cept when he frowns, that’s Gordon Brown.
 
(Optional fade out, as in original, “Never a clown, with Gordon Brown”)
 

Here is a link to Golden Brown by The Stranglers with the lyrics in the blurb underneath. Or if you don’t need the lyrics, you can just watch the vid embedded below:

Here are versions three and four of my lyric. Version two might well turn up some day.

Version three is from May 1997:

GORDON BROWN
(To the Tune of “Golden Brown”)

VERSE 1

Gordon Brown, Labour’s first son,
Scottish brogue, like a Glasweigan;
Fat cheeks and jowls, he always scowls,
Weak jokes and frowns, that’s Gordon Brown.

VERSE 2

Gordon Brown, thick wavy hair,
Best of pals with young Tony Blair;
Both live next door, both hate Jack Straw,
Two up two down, sums Gordon Brown.

VERSE 3

Gordon Brown, new chancellor,
Bank of England plans are such a bore;
He’s dour and stiff, bit like John Smith,
But not underground, that’s Gordon Brown.

Then a revised version (4) 27 October 1997:

GORDON BROWN
(To the Tune of “Golden Brown”)

VERSE 1

Gordon Brown, Labour’s first son,
Scottish brogue, like a Glasweigan;
Fat cheeks and jowls, he always scowls,
Weak jokes and frowns, that’s Gordon Brown.

VERSE 2

Gordon Brown, thick wavy hair,
Best of pals with young Tony Blair;
Both live next door, both hate Jack Straw,
Two up two down, sums Gordon Brown.

VERSE 3

Gordon Brown, new chancellor,
Bank of England plans are such a bore;
He’s dour and stiff, bit like John Smith,
But not underground, that’s Gordon Brown.

VERSE 4

Gordon Brown, makes up his mind,
Over EMU, how’s he inclined?
Go in, stay out, sit back and pout,
There goes the pound, Oh shit! Gordon Brown.

Submission To Jonathan Linsley’s NewsRevue Run, 17 June 1993

I have/had happy memories of Jonathan Linsley as performer and director in my early days of NewsRevue, in the summer of 1992. So I was very pleased to learn of his return the following summer.

LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
JONATHAN LINSLEY JULY-AUGUST 1993 RUN

Dear Jonathan
 
I enclose your pack of lyrics and tape for my current offerings.  The pack includes some very new ones, the songs currently in the show, some that have been cruelly overlooked before but may still have some life in them.  I do have several good ideas on the jotter which I shall forward to you as soon as they are ready.
 
Please do call me and let me know what sort of things you are short of/need and I shall try to oblige.  Also, if any of these need a bit of rewrite then do let me know.  Constructive feedback helps me to get better at this lark!
 
See you soon.