Judges Are Senile, NewsRevue Lyric, 12 June 1993

I don’t recall this lyric being used in NewsRevue, but there are a few minor revisions of it on my machine over that summer, so I’m guessing that it probably was.

JUDGES ARE SENILE


(To the Tune of “Putting On The Style”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Eighty three, goes to court, likes to wear his wig,
Britain’s legal system appointed this old prig;
He was a bright young lawyer who made a legal pile,
But now he’s old and talks baloney, judges are senile.
 
CHORUS 1
 
Oh
Magistrates are lunatics, judges are senile,
That’s why it’s a toss up what happens at a trial;
Convicted rapist walks free, another court meanwhile,
Jails a kid who smoked dope, judges are senile.
 
VERSE 2
 
Starforth Hill blames a girl ‘cos he’s off his board,
If he goes on at this rate they’ll make him a law lord;
He says all girls are sinful as does Judge Argyll,
These old sods know not what they’re saying, judges are senile.
 
CHORUS 2
 
Oh
Justices need therapy, judges are senile,
Most right thinking people find their opinions vile;
Ernest Saunders set free, judge gives him a smile,
Old Ernest has Alzheimer’s but is not senile.
 
VERSE 3
 
Justice on the Woolsack, the appeal court’s packed,
The House of Lords gives judgement ten years after the act;
That House is not debating the crimes that we revile,
But huge vexatious corporations suing for a pile.
 
CHORUS 3
 
Oh
UK courts are such a crime, judges are senile,
That’s why lots of young folks want other domicile;
We should make British justice defend itself on trial,
Let’s start by sacking judges who have gone senile….
i-ile, i-ile, i-ile.

This link takes you to the lyrics of Puttin On the Style. Below is a vid of Lonnie Donegan singing Puttin On The Style:

https://youtu.be/SE50GiTMJXo

Below is the updated lyric for Verse Two and Chorus Two dated 11 July 1993:

JUDGES ARE SENILE – VERSION TWO

(To the Tune of “Putting On The Style”)
 
VERSE 2
 
Criminal Justice Bill scraps half of our rights,
Our hope of getting justice is like free Hoover flights;
We’ll lose our right to juries resolving our trials,
And get some bigot Magistrates with arthritis and piles.
 
CHORUS 2
 
Oh
Magistrates need therapy, most of them are vile,
They behave like judges but lack judicial guile;
Although the Magna Carta’s been around a while,
The stupid Royal Commission would scrap jury trials.

It seems I further revised Verse Two in August 1993:

VERSE 2
 
Criminal Justices scrap half of our rights,
Our hope of getting fairness is like free Hoover flights;
We’ll lose our right to juries resolving our trials,
And get some bigot Magistrate with arthritis and piles.
 

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