A Needly Appointment With Dr Rasheed, Colville Health Clinic, Followed By Pampering At Janie’s Place, Sandall Close, 17 September 1993

A public domain image, not actually Dr Rasheed preparing to jab me.

Janie and I were preparing to go to China, Hong Kong & Bali in the late summer of 1993. An element of prophylaxis was called for, including some vaccination. In particular, we both needed a typhoid jab; I hadn’t had one of those since 1979.

My track record with vaccination was not (and is not) a glorious one. I am a true believer and always take recommended vaccines, but I get irrationally nervous for jabs. One especially ignominious example from my infanthood (some time in the mid-1960s) is contained in the prelude to this (here or below) weird, other story:

For those who choose not to read the above, Dr Green ended up under the dining room table at Woodfield Avenue giving a terrified, bolting infant-version of me one of my childhood jabs in the buttock.

Further, my previous experience with typhoid vaccination, in 1979 ahead of my visit to Mauritius, had not been a great experience. It had left me feeling very sore and a bit poorly for a couple of days.

I therefore planned my typhoid jabs with precision, arranging a Friday end of the day appointment so I could drive straight over to Janie’s, where she had promised to look after me and help me convalesce from the jab.

I seem to recall that she made soup for the purpose. Chicken might have been involved as well. We’d been going out for over a year by then and in any case she had insight into the quintessential cultural mores.

Prophylactic, therapeutic, palliative…chicken soup has got the lot

While all that tender loving care was being prepared in my honour, a trembling version of me turned up at the Colville Health Centre to see Dr Rasheed at 17:40.

Dr Rasheed was a locum, I believe. My regular GP at that time was Dr Catherine Mok. I used to refer to my regular GP as “Mok The Afflicted”, but only because I was addicted to puns. She was a very good GP in my view.

Are you all right?…

…asked Dr Rasheed, perhaps concerned by this trembling wreck of a patient.

Sorry, doctor. I’m a total wimp when it comes to jabs.

Hmmm. Well, the really cowardly people don’t turn up for jabs at all. What are you afraid of?

It’s irrational, doctor, I realise that. But actually, in the matter of this typhoid vaccination, I get a bad reaction to it, so I am anticipating feeling very sore and a bit poorly this weekend.

Dr Rasheed looked puzzled.

When did you last have a typhoid vaccination?

1979, when I went to Mauritius.

Dr Rasheed laughed.

We don’t use those antiquated vaccines any more. You haven’t had Typhim before. You might get a little soreness at the site but side effects are all-but unheard of now.

Back when a jab was really a jab. You knew about it for days. That’s what I call a jab.

It was all over in the batting of an eyelid. I felt like a total fraud as I was driving to Janie’s place, anticipating some 24 hours of tender loving care, realising that my chances of actually feeling poorly were vanishingly small.

Cushions, plumped up pillows, gentle entreaties of the “how are you feeling now?” variety…

…so for how long did I milk that TLC situation before coming clean to Janie that I had been worrying about some obsolete vaccine from a bygone era and didn’t feel sore and poorly at all with this one?

That’s between me, my conscience and Janie.

After the big reveal. Does Janie look pleased?

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