Month: October 1994

A medley of lyrics about Tory sleaze that work well with early Beatles hit tunes.

I really like the first two lines. The rest isn’t too bad either.

SLEAZE MEDLEY

(To Various Beatles Tunes)
SLEAZE, SLEAZE, DEALS
(To the tune of “Please Please Me”)

Last night I said these words to Michael,
How much must I pay for a title?
A song (a song), you’re on (I’m on), the pong (what pong?), so strong (so strong);
Sleaze, sleaze deals, oh yeh, what questions must I ask?

Papers make their allegations,
“Benefits and compensations” they said,
(Al-Fayed),
Our regime will battle on,
Despite Tim Smith and Hamilton’s
Denoue-ment, yeh, ‘tho’ Neil says that he’ll sue.

MONEY (FOR QUESTIONS ASKED)
(To the tune of “Money , That’s What I Want”)

The best things in life are free,
But we Tories still prefer to sleaze,
Cos we want money (for questions asked)
For questions asked (and weapons passed)
And weapons passed (young Thatcher’s task)
Just ask young Mark (that’s Thatcher’s Mark).

SHE BACKED YOU
(To the tune of “She loves you”)

MAGGIE: You think you’ve sold a gun,
MARK I sold it yesterday-ay;
MAGGIE: You drove out to Oman,
And you got lost on the way-ay.
Your mother backed you,
MARK: So I knew that sheikh would bid;
MAGGIE: Because I backed you,
You have earned 12 million quid
ALL: Oooooohhhhhhhh
CHORUS: She backed him (yeh, yeh ,yeh),
Should have whacked him (yeh, yeh, yeh),
But with a mum like that, we knew he’d turn out bad;
And with a son like that we knew ………….she’d end up………..MAD!!

(Either: BLACKOUT or Yeh yeh yeh, yeh yeh yeh, yeh yeh yeh yeh!!
or perhaps even Blair Blair Blair, Blair Blair Blair, Blair Blair Blair Blair!!!!!)

Here are some YouTubes – the first is a poor live performance but it is The Beatles and has the lyrics underneath the vid if you click through to YouTube proper:

Here is the Barrett Strong version of Money, with lyrics on the screen:

Then back to poor live Beatles with the lyrics underneath if you click through for She Loves You:

Four Weddings and A Funeral had been such a big film that year, as had Liz Hurley “busting out all over” her film award dresses and as had the film’s hit song; Wet Wet Wet’s version of Love Is All Around (see below).

I gave the story my treatment – quite sparse but effective I still think:

LARGE BREASTS ARE ALL AROUND
(To the Tune of “Love is All Around”)

VERSE 1 – HUGH GRANT

I see them on the film set,
They’re bursting out of clothes,
Large breasts are all around me,
And so my feeling grows;
That siren Elle MacPherson,
And Lizzie Hurley know,
That if they want attention,
They’ve gotta let ’em show.
MIDDLE EIGHT – LIZ HURLEY

You know I love you, I always will,
Your rich since Four Weddings and a Funeril;
They say you’re brainy, but I’ll defend,
My cleavage is my own deep end.
VERSE 2 – BOTH

HUGH: I see huge breasts before me,
As I lay on my bed;
LIZ: I kinda get to thinking,
You’ve one track in your head;
HUGH: I give nice comments to you,
So why are you upset?
LIZ: Large breasts are all around you,
And you’re so wet, wet, wet.

Here is Wet Wet Wet singing Love Is All Around, with the lyrics on screen:

While we’re here – I have always liked the song and far preferred it in its original recording by the Troggs. Here is a quintessentially sixties promo video of  The Troggs on one of those old-fashioned trains.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut5uC91FcbI

The log says September for this lyric but the earliest electronic file is the above date.

I wrote an update of this lyric 16 July 1995:

LARGE BREASTS ARE ALL AROUND – CAUGHT WITH A HOLLYWOOD TART – SUMMER SILLY SEASON 1995 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Love is All Around”)

VERSE 1 – HUGH GRANT

I feel you with my fingers,
And then I suck your toes;
Large breasts are all around me,
And so my feeling grows;
My girlfriend Lizzie Hurley,
And tinseltown tarts know,
I’m mad and at attention,
If they just let ’em show.

MIDDLE EIGHT – LIZ HURLEY

You know I love you, I always will,
Your rich since Four Weddings and a Funeril;
They say you’re clever, so use your brain,
One flash of tits, you go insane.

VERSE 2 – BOTH

HUGH: I see huge breasts before me,
As I lay on my bed;
LIZ: I kinda get to thinking,
You’ve one track in your head;
HUGH: I’ve told the world I’m sorry,
So why are you upset?
LIZ: Large breasts are all around you,
And you’re so wet, wet, wet.

One for completists, this. I needed to do some research to work out what I was on about.,.

…James Kelman’s Booker win and Julia Neuberger’s disliking of same.

EFFING BOOKER
(A Quickie to the Tune of “The Bonnie Banks of Loch Loman”)

SUNG IN A SERIOUSLY DEEP GLASWEGIAN HUE

You use your fine words,
While I’ll use the F word,
And I’ll win the Booker before ye;

I’ll make sure that fat cow will never speak again,
Once I’ve nutted fucking Julia Neuberg.

Completist heaven.

Here’s the original folk song with its lyrics on the screen: