Very early start to Sigiriya Rock – climbed all the way to the top – via the Sigiriya damsels (5th century wall paintings) – so high has a splendid ruined castle.
So high, but look at the crumbling old ruins…and product placement opportunity
Returned to Sigiriya [Village Hotel] for swim, packing and lunch (best meal at Sigiriya) before leaving for Kandy.
I wasn’t going to miss that place, despite them saving the best till last food-wise.
On the way we stopped at a wonderful spice garden where all the edible and medicinal herbs were explained to us.
We had massage and tried spice tea at that herb gardenThere we saw a wood carving man using his feet as part of the process
We then stopped at a daft batik factory before going on to Kandy.
We were starting to find these commercial breaks quite tiresome, especially when, as the day went on, the scheduled touring was seemingly more like a short break between these daft commercial visits.
Before dinner we went to a performance of Kandyan dance including firewalkers.
Let’s hope he knew what he was doing
Dinner at Hotel Suisse – better than Sigiriya. Early night.
Part One of our two-part photo album for this Sri lanka trip can be viewed through the flickr link below there are 69 photos therein:
Real gluttons for photo punishment can see raw scans of all 430 photos we took unedited and unlabelled here:
Early start. Morning trip to Polonnaruwa – really bumpy ride – second oldest capital (11th/12th century).
On the way to the main site, we stopped at this place, apparently the Hindu Temple of Penis & Vulva. There was no sign there saying “thanks for coming”, sadly.
[Polonnaruwa] ruins in slightly better repair than Anuradhapura – several temples to see plus more dagobas (stupas).
No, those two are not the Buddha images; that’s Ged & Daisy
Back to Sigiriya Village for mediocre lunch then on optional tour to Dambulla.
Climb up to cave temples – wonderful old (15th century?) Cave paintings and Buddha images – well worth the trip. My feet were attacked by killer ants as we left.
Were the locals laughing at my ant-induced discomfort, my sartorial inelegance, or both?
Yes, goodness knows where those biter ants came from, but as I came out of the cave temples entrance all of a sudden my feet were covered with ants – it felt like hundreds of needles being pressed into my feet. I think I made a bestial roar and started running around and shaking my feet to try to remove the ants. For some reason, this seemed to amuse the local tourists no end. My feet went red briefly and then returned to normal within just a few minutes, as if nothing had happened.
Perceptive readers might have noticed that I was not overly impressed by that hotel, especially in the matter of the grub. Our other beef with the hotel was the paper-thinness of the walls. Although we were in “cottages”, the rooms were semi-detached halves of cottages.
Indeed, the thing that probably put us off group touring for good after this holiday was the vocal double-entendres at breakfast the next morning from our nosy neighbours, who left us and the rest of the group in no doubt that you could hear anything and everything from the next room.
So there we were, on a Kuoni tour around Sri Lanka.
Lucky us, in 1995, we were able to go as far north as the ancient city of Anuradhapura -it was often out of bounds for tourists in those troubled first few decades of Sri Lanka’s independence.
Long drive out to Anuradhapura, stopping at Kurunegala Rest House for rest and Miridiya Hotel for lunch – not bad.
I have very few relics from this two-week holiday in Sri Lanka, apart from my trusty (though quite pithy) journal notes and quite a lot of photos, only the highlights from which have been put into an album.
No itinerary, for example, although I do have a contact list…
This Sri Lanka trip was to be the last time we did one of these guided tour in a group things. We got a little frustrated with the regimented nature of the tour…
…and the difficulty/inability to really get to see places and meet local people on our own terms. Some of that sense of frustration will emerge from my verbatim transcription of my (at the time of writing, in early 2020) 25 years ago journal.
We must have left London reasonably early on 16th to arrive in Colombo early on 17th.
Arrive at Columbo only 40 minutes late – despite early two hour delay at Heathrow Terminal Four due to power cut.
Get to hotel early morning – everyone travel weary – therefore slept until afternoon.
Took optional tour round Columbo.
Not a very interesting city – saw municipal buildings, old colonial buildings etc.
Galle Face Hotel
Our guide, Barney, took us to the Galle Face Hotel at end of tour. He helped us to find recommended Seafood/fish restaurant where we tried hoppers, gambas, seer fish curry and Barney’s recommended tuna dish, ambul thiyal. Very good meal.
No idea what I was driving at with this one, other than a small donation to Comic Relief. I had spent some time the previous year looking at EU export subsidy schemes, so perhaps I had some frustration to vent.
Farming Today 14 March 1995
New Subsidy/Comic Relief
BBC Broadcasting House
London
W1A 1AA
Dear Sirs
HOT GAS EXPORT SUBSIDY
The European Commission today announced a new subsidy relating to exports of compost. The value of the subsidy will be measured in ECU per cubic meter of gaseous product. The subsidy will be known colloquially as the “Hot Gas Export” subsidy.
A spokesman for the Commission explained “we suddenly realised that a Hot Gas Export subsidy could be of enormous benefit to Europe and in particular the Commission. Indeed, if we set the level of subsidy high enough, the Commission itself will immediately become economically sustainable or possibly even very profitable.”
The spokesman continued, “We appreciate that there may be some problems measuring the volume, value and destination of Hot Gas Export in order to substantiate each claim, but measurement problems have never stopped us before and certainly won’t stop us this time.”
The Commission spokesman then waffled on for a further three hours on the subject, producing vast quantities of hot air without really saying anything new. He then presented me with a Hot Gas Export subsidy claim for 159,000 ECU.
As a contribution towards this claim, I enclose a tenner for Comic Relief.
This did well in NewsRevue and Ben Murphy adapted it for his “edgy family show” in the west country.
The version below is date stamped November 1995, but it was first written in March. I certainly didn’t suggest that it was a new version, so changes, if any, must have been minimal.
CRAP TARANTINO MAN
(To the Tune of “Son of a Preacher Man”)
For audiences with a nervous disposition, all the expletives (in bold type) should be replaced with beeps
VERSE 1
Tarantino got bored a lot,
And so he made some schlock movies and swore a lot;
When his characters make conversation,
They never pass on information,
It’s just a cesspit of degradation,
Half the words should be deleted,
Cos they’re fucking shit expletives.
CHORUS 1
The only cunt who could use invectives,
Was that crap Tarantino man;
The only prick who makes fuck effective,
Is that crap Tarantino man.
‘Cos he says shit and suck and motherfuck;
The only one who makes foul-mouthed flickers,
Is that motherfucking bum Tarantino man,
He won’t use words like oh blast and knickers,
Cos they ain’t foul Tarantino style;
He just says prick and butt he should be cut…….
Ends suddenly!!!!
Here’s Dusty singing Son of a Preacher Man with lyrics on the vid:
…and here is Ben Murphy’s adapted version of my lyric.
Haven’t been there for years – the RSC does so little modern stuff these days.
But back then they were packing The Pit with top notch names to act and direct, quite often in modern dramas.
New England was “superb” according to my log. Peter Gill directed it. Several really good names in it; David Burke, Angela Thorne, Mick Ford, Selina Cadell, Duncan Bell, Diana Hardcastle and Annie Corbier to be precise.
I also noted that:
Richard Nelson was in the audience that night for some reason, as it was well into the run.
I’m not sure about signing myself off as Z/Ian. I think Ben must have been taking the piss out of our (then quite new) company name.
Ben Murphy 7 March 1995
(Wells address redacted)
Dear Ben
YET MORE STUFF
I’ve tried to call you but you aren’t in. I enclose some new stuff – hope you like it. Still thinking about the other stuff for you.
How’s the tape coming along? Is the tape coming along? Do send those old tapes: I am still getting a trickle of interest from across the pond on the information superhighway.
By March 1995 it was nearly five years since I’d had a TV in my flat. This rendered me suitably non-expert to opine on pretentious-sounding TV shows I’d never seen.
Especially disloyal of me, this one, as I was indirectly doing a bit of work for Channel 4 at that time.
I don’t think this lyric was used much, if at all, but it is short and sharp; I like it, especially the first verse.
POT NIGHT
(To the Tune of “Top Cat”)
VERSE 1
Pot Night;
The ineffectual,
Pot Night;
When intellectual,
Berks drone ever on Channel 4,
About their spliff back in ’64.
Pot Night,
Cos Channel 4 are so desperate to offend;
You’ll get eight hours of shit,
But you won’t get a hit,
So turn off, tune out,
Pot Night.
VERSE 2
Red Light;
The institution says,
Red Light;
For prostitution’s a-,
‘Nother ponderous Channel 4 theme,
Someone dreamed up in a wet dream.
Red Light,
It’s unbelievable but they’ve made it dull;
Bores on sex, bores on drugs,
Someone please pull the plug,
And show Channel 4
A Red Light!!
If you want to see the opening sequence, sing along yourself and see the Top Cat lyrics/music, then click the first vid. If you want to hear the original song sung, click the second. Well worth a look/listen at both:
