This is one of the numbers for show Casablanca The Musical:
Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001
This one was more David Seidel than me. I edited David’s fine work on this one but he deserves most of the credit.
RENAULT AND CLOUSEAU VERSION 1.1
By David Seidel and Ian Harris – (based on “Five Guys Named Moe”)
CLOUSEAU: Gonna tell you ‘bout our Chief of Police
RENAULT: With a know-it-all of an accomplice
I’m Renault
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
RENAULT: I’m in the know
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
CLOUSEAU: I’m Clouseau
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
RENAULT: He’s a real thick-o
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
They’re the suckers, They’re the suckers
Sucking up to Strasser!
Woe Woe Woe Woe Gestapo
CLOUSEAU: He’s the greatest cop in town
Is he crooked, is he sound?
You wanna find out? Stick around
COMPANY: Louis Renault
RENAULT: I’ve a useless gadabout
A busybody with no clout
Gets onyer tits more than “Beadle’s About”
COMPANY: Monsieur Clouseau
CLOUSEAU: I pop out of nowhere
Interfere with everything
I’m the pest who knows what’s best
RENAULT: At least that’s what he thinks!
CLOUSEAU: His name is a brand of cars
RENAULT: His bowels are irregular
BOTH: We both talk out of our arse.
COMPANY: Like guys on blow!
RENAULT: I’m Renault
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
RENAULT: I’m in the know
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
CLOUSEAU: I’m Clouseau
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
RENAULT: He’s a real thick-o
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
LAZLO: I’m Lazlo
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
LAZLO: I’m Ilsa’s beau
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
WICK: I’m Wick – yo
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
WICK: I’m Ilsa’s beau
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
NAZIS: We’re Gestapo
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
NAZIS: Whaddya know?
COMPANY: Doo dee a doo da
They’re the suckers, They’re the suckers
Clouseau and Renault!!
Here is a video of Five Guys Named Moe: