Paula will be Paula Tappenden of course, but can I for the life of me remember Daryl’s surname? I have a mental picture of him, but no surname. I’m hoping that John Random spots this one and puts me right.
Update: John Random has given me the Boot – i.e. reminded me (on The Shit Of Araby lyric as it happens) that Daryl was, of course, named Daryl Boot. An excellent performer as well as director.
Usual blah blah about the neat table becoming a list because Amipro tables won’t convert.
Paula & Daryl
News Revue
LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
AUGUST – SEPTEMBER 1995 RUN
Dear Paula & Daryl
Great to have you both back!! This starter pack consists some songs currently in the show, some previously unperformed ones and revamps of one or two which have come back into fashion as it were. If you want me to work on a rewrite of an old chestnut of mine that you might have uncovered in the archive, just let me know.
Call me and let me know if you are short of any subjects or styles and I shall try to oblige. Also, if any of these need a bit of rewrite then I am happy to change them on request.
Good luck and I look forward to seeing you both soon.
Song Title / Original Title/ Artist on Tape
Aprox. No. of weeks performed 7+ 4-6 1-3 New
side 1
i’m not in power / i’m not in love / 10cc – New
i can sing a rainbow warrior / NO RECORDING – SORRY – New
jimmy knapp / jimmy mack/martha & the vandellas – 1-3
sealed syphilis / sealed with a kiss/brian hyland – New
vanessa mae / enola gay / omd – 4-6
jumping mick jagger / jumping jack flash / rolling stones – 4-6
crap tarantino man / son of a preacher man / dusty springfield – New
the shit of araby / the sheikh of araby / spike jones – New
I assume this was Maggie Danylewycz, who directed several times. Usual apologies for the shoddy looking list where the neat and tidy Amipro table used to be, but the facts about the submissions are all there to be seen. I think Maggie used a few of mine that year in Edinburgh.
No idea what her pricing problems were. Someone might know and chime in one day.
LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
EDINBURGH 1995 RUN
Dear Maggie
This starter pack consists mainly of songs which have been in the show and have a good chance of still being topical or becoming topical again for Edinburgh (e.g. VE Day stuff becomes VJ Day stuff). There are also one or two unperformed ones. If you want me to work on a rewrite of an old chestnut of mine that you might have uncovered in the archive, just let me know. I’ll send you brand new ones as I write them.
Call me and let me know if you are short of any subjects or styles and I shall try to oblige. Also, if any of these need a bit of rewrite then I am happy to change them on request.
I hope you have resolved your pricing problems; do let me know what you finally resolved. I look forward to seeing you soon.
Song Title/Original Title/Artist on Tape
Aprox. No. of weeks performed 7+ 4-6 1-3 New
side 1
i’ll never find another job/i’ll never find another you/seekers 7+
newt gingrich/moon river / danny williams New
privatise/bright eyes/art garfunkle 7+
oj’s girl/bobby’s girl/marcie blaine 7+
have i the right? / have i the right? / honeycombs 4-6
bye bye barings / bye bye baby / bay city rollers 4-6
crap tarrantino man/son of a preacher man/dusty springfield New
the shit of araby/the sheik of araby/spike jones New
posy band perfect day/lou reed New
lilley the prick lilley the pink/scaffold New
side 2
ve day medley x 2 many ghastly ww2 songs sung badly by soldiers 4-6
vanessa mae / enola gay / omd 4-6
jumping mick jagger / jumping jack flash / rolling stones 4-6
Crumbs – Ben Murphy got a fax machine – I forgot all about this.
And indeed the Jagger lyric – I wonder whether Ben ever used it? I rather like it – and it is as topical today as it was in 1995 – perhaps even has improved with age.
Ben Murphy 10 July 1995
(Wells address redacted)
Dear Ben
WELCOME TO THE 19th CENTURY
Yes, I mean 19th century: Empire, Queen Victoria, Elgar, rickets, starvation and antique second hand fax machines. I attach that Jagger song; I never got round to sending it snail mail but here it is faxwise. The paragraph below is the submission I have made through the Internet as sleeve notes for “Better Face” and “The Ultimate Love Song” which are appearing on a US student’s promo tape. No fee, but no charge to us either and he will be punting it to radio stations plus the nerd fraternity so who knows!!!
“Ben Murphy is an outstanding Irish comedy musician. Although he
lives and works mainly in Great Britain’s West Country (Somerset,
Devon, Cornwall), I first encountered Ben at a risky venue in
South-East London named “Up The Creek”. When acts die at Up The
Creek, the performers have actualy risked life and limb. Needless to
say, Ben not only survived but succeeded and a fine collaboration
was born. That was about three years ago. Since that time Ben has
produced three albums, “Cover of the Rolling Stone”, “I Want To Be
What I Was” and “Surfin’ In The UK”, all of which are laiden with
my material, some of Ben’s own work plus the work of many others.
This tape contains two products of our collaboration which have
been well received here in the UK, so we hope you like them. Ben is
a technophobe, but I am a gadget and net nut, so you can contact us
by telephone (44-171-243-0725), fax (44-171-229-2967), or e-mail
(zyenilh@zyenharri.win-uk.net). Enjoy.
Ian Harris”
If you want to change it, let me know and I’ll re-e-mail the guy. OK? Cool. (I’ve got to stop using these damned gadgets – the English goes to pot!!)
Cheers.
Ian Harris (Z/Ian)
Enc.
JUMPING MICK JAGGER
(To the Tune of “Jumping Jack Flash”)
(Much opportunity for posturing & prancing in a zimmer frame environment)
VERSE 1 – MICK
I was born in a cross-fire hurricane,
Now I’m bald and I use a zimmer frame.
CHORUS 1 – ALL THE STONES
Cos we’re all old now,
We’re well past our best,
Yes we’re all old,
And jumping Mick Jaggers days have past-past-past.
VERSE 2 – MICK
I was born back in 1943,
I still tour, but my nurse travels round with me.
CHORUS 2 – THE STONES
Cos we’re all worn out,
We’re old as the hills,
Yes we’re old now,
And jumping Mick Jagger pops Sanatogen pills.
VERSE 3 – MICK
Been around, had my pick of the chicks with ease (yeh yeh yeh),
Scores abound, with those bimbos on my knees (yeh yeh yeh),
Can’t recall all their names when ‘ere I please (no no no),
Can’t recall….must have Altzheimers disease (yeh yeh yeh)
CHORUS 3 – THE STONES
Cos we’re all old now,
We’re ancient as hell,
Yes we’re all old,
And jumping Mick Jagger doesn’t look very well.
OUTRO
Jumping Mick Jagger, staggers off, Jumping Mick Jagger, staggers off
(they all stagger off)
For those who want/need the sound and lyric of Jumping Jack Flash to enhance their enjoyment – here it is:
We thought this was a very good production. José Rivera was not a well known writer back then, pre Motorcycle Diaries, but we chose this on the back of interesting sounding subject matter and the quality of stuff we were getting at The Orange Tree, which was on a bit of a roll at that time.
From the bowels of my memory, I recalled it as sort of magical realism…
…so I was delighted to see that Michael Billington used that term in the first sentence of his review. At one point Billington suggests that the production was as if Tennessee Williams had been done over by Pedro Almodovar. No wonder we really liked it.
Another Tory rebel lyric, this time about John Redwood. I really like this one, but I’m not sure it was used much, if at all. Hard to perform.
I have subsequently met John Redwood. While I would sometimes change my opinion on a person (e.g. the extent of their humourlessness) after meeting them, in this case I wouldn’t change a single word.
THE REDWOOD CHALLENGE
(To the Tune of “Whip Crack Away” with optional ejaculations by Mr Redwood)
VERSE 1
Oh the Redwood challenge’s comin’ on over the place,
He’s a right wing humourless Tory from outer space;
Don’t take a poke – he won’t get the joke
(REDWOOD: What joke?),
Whip John away, whip John away, whip John away.
VERSE 2
John Redwood’s tough on Europe and tough on crime,
Attilla The Hun with buckets of right wing slime;
Cane folk who mug – and seize cocaine drugs,
Whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack away.
(REDWOOD: Is that meant to be funny?)
MIDDLE EIGHT
His challenge will be fought, I’d have thought,
For his right wing think tank;
And when at home alone he likes a quick wank.
(REDWOOD: Are you coves lampooning me?)
VERSE 3
John Redwood’s policies sound like a heap of shit,
Not takin’ the piss cos the bastard’s a humourless git;
(REDWOOD: Ha. That’s a joke. I think.)
Birch marks go septic – with this Eurosceptic,
Whip John again, whip John again, whip John again.
(REDWOOD: Could you repeat the line about cocaine please, I think I got the joke)
Seize more cocaine – that bad pun again,
Whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack away.
(REDWOOD: No, I still don’t get it)
Whip John away!!!!! (Chorus drags Redwood off)
Here is a YouTube of Doris Day singing The Deadwood Stage, with the lyrics in the text area below the vid:
I’m not sure whether this was ever performed, but I am sure that I credited Barry Grossman for his part in it. In those days, we writers would meet most weeks and occasionally divvy up ideas.
Zulu leader, Mangosuthu Buthelezi, was on an independence drive that summer…or, as the South Africans call months like June…winter.
Barry came up with the idea of “Roll Out Those Hazy Crazy Mangosuthu Buthelezi Days…” but insisted that I use it, perhaps lacking confidence with lyric writing himself at that time or perhaps just busy that week, which was sometimes my reason for offering an idea to others.
I’m not sure if either version of the lyric was used. Still, I rather like the end result.
ROLL OUT THOSE HAZY CRAZY MANGOSUTHU BUTHELEZI BATTLES – SUMMER 1995 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Roll Out Those Hazy Crazy Lazy Days of Summer”)
CHORUS 1
Roll out those hazy crazy Buthelezi battles,
Those wars of Zulus, Incartha and fear;
Roll out that hazy crazy Buthelezi Natal,
Natal may be independent next year.
VERSE 1
He has a mad on against President Mandela,
Thinks that he’s sweller,
And more fit;
But when the votes were counted up by local tellers,
Not all Kwazulu wants to be led by that shit.
CHORUS 2
Roll out that hazy crazy Buthelezi bummer,
Winnie Mandela looks calm when compared;
That Buthelezi goes half crazy every summer,
Displays his weapon and can’t be impaired.
VERSE 2
He hates that ANC man Cyril Ramaphosa,
Say’s he’s a poser,
And a jerk;
And when he’s fighting in the townships like Tokoza,
He takes the F out of F.W. de Klerk.
CHORUS 3
Throw out that hazy crazy Buthelezi arsehole,
He’s making pacts with the Fascistic whites;
Just flush that shady Buthelezi down the plug hole,
And put an end to his quarrelsome fights;
Build understanding and more human rights.
Hear and see Nat King Cole sing Roll Out Those Hazy Crazy Days Of Summer:
Ashley wasn’t in the Sneyd Arms in 1995, but thanks to him for this photo
I was rushing around the country like a mad thing for work back then. I had arranged a work road trip that required me to be in Cardiff on the Friday and then in Manchester for a couple of days from the Monday.
As it happened, Janie and I had been invited to a party in Knutsford on the Saturday evening; a couple named Ros & Con whom we had met in Sri Lanka a few months earlier. That Sri Lanka tour was the last time Janie and I did a group tour. We weren’t wild about too many of the fellow travellers, but we did get on with Ros & Con.
Con in pink talking to Ros. Me talking to someone else in pink. Polonnaruwa, Sri Lanka.
We also wanted to meet up with Mike Smith & Marianna at Keele – following my January visit, Mike and I had started doing some work together and I thought Janie would get on well with those two…which she did.
So, unusually, we arranged for Janie to travel up and down by train, while I drove around and across the country.
I remember it dawning on me that driving from Cardiff to The Potteries on a Friday afternoon/evening was not one of my better ideas – it took hours. Janie got the 16:00 train from Euston and was cosy in the hotel I’d booked in Burslem, The George, long before I got there.
We had arranged to have lunch with Mike & Marianna in The Sneyd Arms. Mike had wanted us to enjoy their hospitality at the house, but I didn’t want thus to impose on what would be a fleeting visit. Also, I had a crazy craving to see the Sneyd Arms again, for old times’ sake.
I had got to know The Sneyd Arms well during my time at Keele – especially during the 1982/83 academic year during which time I went out with Liza, daughter of the landlord, Geoff O’Connor.
Word had reached me that Geoff had retired before our visit in 1995, so I wasn’t expecting to see him in there…
…but I was wrong. There was Geoff, back visiting the place, sitting in the snug having lunch with his old bunch of muckers. It was like a trip down memory lane seeing that group in there.
Geoff greeted me warmly and gave me news of the family; not only Liza but also his good lady and the sons, Liam and Shaun.
It was also a great opportunity to get to know Mike and Marianna a bit better, so it all felt like a very natural progression in life.
Janie remembers this day very fondly, not only for the warm and friendly lunch in the Sneyd Arms with Mike & Marianna but also the Knutsford party later.
An Evening Garden Party In Knutsford
Ros and Con were quite high falutin’ people in the Knutsford community. Con had been the top banana in a large power company or something of that ilk.
Con in a Nuwara Eliya tea factory. “One day all this could be biofuel”.
Anyway, Ros & Con’s house was a lovely place with a lovely garden. Janie is convinced that we have photos from the event, but I certainly don’t have negatives, so they might have been sent to us after the event and reside in a pile of prints, possibly in the attic awaiting sorting. If I do uncover pictures from the event, I’ll add them.
It was a very pleasant evening. Most of the other guests were quite a lot older than us and I sensed that they found our peculiar southern vowels and youthful expressions entertaining.
I had booked in to the Britannia Hotel in Manchester – one night in Janie’s case, a couple of nights in mine. This is another hotel that was probably past its grander days by 1995 but was perfectly acceptable and very convenient for my/our needs back then. It was good enough that we booked it again more than once, as Janie did some weekend courses in Manchester in the mid to late 1990s. I think it started to get more tired and we tired of it after a while. The contemporary reviews (he says writing in February 2021) are pretty bad, but not quite as bad as those of The George in Burslem.
But this June 1995 piece is primarily about a very special, enjoyable and memorable day, with Mike & Marianna at Keele in the afternoon and with Ros & Con in Knutsford in the evening. It was well worth the travels.
It seems I was unable to spell her name 100% right though – her hyphen is missing. Oh well.
Robert Miles 13 June 1995
News Revue
Dear Robert
VANESSA MAE
Hope all is going well towards the new show.
I have just read that Vanessa Mae is in fact sixteen (not eighteen as stated in verse two of the song). As sixteen also scans and rhymes, please substitute correct age if you are going to use the song.
In those days, The Riverside Studios were doing some quite large theatre productions. This was part of a season, I believe, hence the generic season programme cover above.
I rated this very good and I’m sure Frances de la Tour and Malcolm Tierney were excellent, but I’m not sure this is the best Fire Raisers production we have seen. We returned to the piece some years later to see Benedict Cumberbatch in this play (translated as The Arsonists) at the Royal Court, which I think was a more dynamic production.
This one did very well in NewsRevue. I’m not sure that the then teenager Vanessa-Mae deserved quite such harsh treatment, but life’s not always fair and by gosh did she strike gold as a star despite.
Writing in April 2017, I realise that this lyric wouldn’t need too much work to be topical and nasty about a certain prime minister…
…wouldn’t help/can’t be bothered.
VANESSA MAE
(To the Tune of “Enola Gay”)
VERSE 1
Vanessa Mae,
Prancing about just like an easy lay;
It’s such a sin,
The way you desecrate the violin.
That piece you slay,
I’d like to hear it done the proper way,
Oh, oh Vanessa Mae,
It’s such a fiddle with the crap you play.
INSTRUMENTAL 1
(Vanessa comically fiddles away at the instrumental bit of the tune)
VERSE 2
Vanessa Mae,
Why do they have to dress you up that way,
You pout and fawn,
As if your instrument is the French horn;
You’re just sixteen,
But heaven knows where on earth you’ve been,
I saw you pouting on the video,
Like an exponent of the pink oboe.
INSTRUMENTAL 2
(Vanessa even more comically fiddles away at the instrumental bit of the tune)
VERSE 3
Vanessa Mae,
Now JS Bach is turning in his grave,
Your awful goal,
Is scratching out Baroque and Roll;
Those ancient strains,
Sound like the soundtracks of computer games,
Vanessa Mae,
Just wish the stupid cow would go away, hey.
Here is Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark (OMD) singing Enola Gay, with lyrics on the screen. If you don’t like synthesised music, don’t click:
