We were pretty sure the funding was secured and wanted to keep the funders, not least Eli, sweet.
Word was, Eli’s favourite dish was Lobster Thermidor. Janie, bless her, decided to invite Eli and his family and Michael and Elisabeth over for a Lobster Thermidor fest.
After all, how difficult can it possibly be to prepare Lobster Thermidor from first principles?
Reader, I am here to tell you that it is a heck of a lot of work to prepare Lobster Thermidor from first principles and it is really, really difficult to prepare Lobster Thermidor for seven people in a small domestic kitchen.
To add to the difficulties, I also prepared, for the same meal, my famous wonton soup from first principles in that small kitchen.
Before the soup
And to had to the hard work of it all, it transpired that Eli was one of those people who constantly needs to be entertained…like…constantly. Games, stories, food, drink…no quiet periods just savouring the moment.
Exhausted, post guests, some left over soupExhausted, post guests, some left over Lobster Thermidor
Twas the season of goodwill, a week before Christmas 1994, so we shall not report here Janie’s retrospective views on the subsequent debacle over Z/Yen’s start-up financing arrangements. Suffice it to say that Z/Yen survived it and thrived despite it. So we should, in a way, remain grateful to Z/Yen’s initial finance guarantors.
Traditions have to start somewhere; this was the first Z/Yen Seasonal party lyric.
I’d forgotten about this one until I found it in my electronic lyric archive, dated 9 December 1994. Reading the lyric brought it all back to me. I previously thought the lyric for the second seasonal party was the first lyric, probably because that is the earliest one that found its way to the Z/Yen web site. We’ll put that right soon enough.
We sang the following at the first ever seasonal gathering of Z/Yen, on 16 December 1994. We were at the Paris House, Woburn, same venue as the following year. A plaintiff little song; I rather like it. Very different in style and tone to later Z/Yen seasonal songs.
Elisabeth, Michael and Katie
We had a meeting and a Shareholders’ Agreement signing ceremony before dinner, although Michael couldn’t subscribe to Z/Yen until a couple of months later. I think he might be going through the Christmas card list in the photo above.
Steve at Paris House in 1994
Stuart subscribing, Janie in the background.
Z/YEN
(To the Tune of “Ben”)
VERSE 1
Z/Yen, the group of us need look no more,
We have founded what we’re looking for;
Tense, and some might say up tight,
We’re working half the night,
Because, my friends, you see,
We’ve got our Main-ell-i
(You’ve got your Mainelli).
From February……… allegedly…..
VERSE 2
Z/Yen, we’re always running here and there,
(Here and there),
That’s why we’ve all lost half of our hair,
(Half of your hair);
Then a project falls behind,
And we’re all hard to find,
But somehow, as you know,
We always make a go.
(The weekend tends to go).
MIDDLE EIGHT
We used to say, “we are bored”,
Now it’s “risk and reward”;
You used to seek dark and rest
Now it’s light, now it’s zest.
VERSE 3
Z/Yen, although we are still very small,
(Very small),
We can puff it up if we talk big,
(if you talk balls);
When, you learn the things we do,
You’ll all want to join too,
So, if we’d start again,
We’d still form a firm like Z/Yen.
Here is Michael Jackson singing Ben, with the lyrics on the screen:
… there were times when I thought the business wouldn’t be ready to start trading on 1 October 1994. But of course we were able to open our sole door, to our sole room in Garrard House, 31-45 Gresham Street, on that prescribed day. No death in a ditch for me.
Click and look at the images for that address and you will see a grand City building, opposite Wax Chandler’s Hall, which at the time of writing has been home to Schroders plc for decades.
In the autumn of 1994, though, it was an old 1930’s building, in a state of some distress, which was about to be emptied for the purposes of a massive makeover for Schroders.
There were just five of us on the payroll that first autumn; Kate Carty, me, Stuart Otter, Steve Taylor and John Thompson. Michael Mainelli was with us, in spirit and informally, but technically Michael was unable to join the firm until February 1995.
Kate Carty got something akin to cabin fever in those early months, as so few of us went nigh nor by the place. Yet somehow Kate and Steve got it together during that early period of Z/Yen’s life, such that our tiny business of just six people; the other four of whom were attached, managed to yield an office romance and then marriage which, like Z/Yen, has endured to this day (as I write 25 years later).
Kate (standing) with Elisabeth and MichaelSteve
One abiding memory from that room is the day in early December when we needed to splurge on getting our first year’s Christmas cards out. We thought this to be a very important marketing campaign…
…in truth the Christmas cards was our only marketing campaign for the first year or so of our existence.
A rare occasion when several of us were in the room at the same time; me, Kate and John Thompson.
In the early days of a business, everyone needs to muck in for all tasks, including stuffing envelopes and labelling up Christmas cards…
…but John Thompson seemed a little reluctant for such menial tasks.
I said:
I must be the highest paid envelope-stuffer in the City right now.
John, a competitive fellow who was being paid considerably more than me at that time, immediately jumped up and exclaimed,
No, I am the highest paid envelope-stuffer in the City.
We were ever so keen to see this one. We saw Landscape in the afternoon/early evening and this one at the regular theatre hour – a veritable theatre-fest of stuff we were very keen to see.
As usual a stupendously good cast assembled by Complicite, including Kathryn Hunter, Toby Jones and Marcello Magni. Simon McBurney at the helm but not on the stage for this one.
…and hung around for the Complicite. I guess we were a little time poor for theatre and stuff that autumn, as I was busy birthing Z/Yen and stuff that autumn.
Still, we highly rated both shows so that must have been a day to savour.
Janie and I were very keen on Pinter and also very keen on Complicite, so we took the opportunity to see both on one Saturday during that crazy autumn during which Z/Yen was born.
According to my contemporary log:
Landscape is a short play, seen late afternoon/early evening before seeing “Out of a House Walked a Man”. Very good.
Ian Holm and Penelope Wilton. Top notch performers both,with great Pinter pedigrees too.
I sent Mike stuff for his New Year Revels shows for several years, sometimes wrote material to order (from memory, not that year) and occasionally attended with Janie.
No need to redact the address for this correspondence – the premises was fire-bombed in 2001, soon after Casablanca The Musical brought the house down – another story.
Apologies for the rogue apostrophes in the correspondence below – I was young and foolish back then.
Mike Ward 23 November 1994
Actor’s Workshop
West Grove Terrace
Hopwood Lane
Halifax, West Yorkshire
HX1 5EX
Dear Mike
NEW YEAR REVELS
Thank you for your letter, cheque and note re Save The Children Fund. I hope the preparation for your show is going well. I enclose my invoice (VAT regulations, who needs ’em?).
I look forward to hearing from you / seeing you soon.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris
enc.
The enc:
FAO Mike Ward Date: 23 November 1994
Actor’s Workshop Tax point: 23 November 1994
West Grove Terrace
Hopwood Lane
Halifax, West Yorkshire
HX1 5EX
INVOICE TO: Actor’s Workshop
ACCOUNT REF: AW01
INVOICE NO: 02008
In respect of songs and sundry patter for the New Year Revels show scheduled for January 1995.
£
ROYALTIES 34.04
VAT @ 17.5% 5.96
————-
TOTAL £40.00
========
This amount has been received, with thanks.
…and one more letter…
Mike Ward 29 November 1994
Actor’s Workshop
West Grove Terrace
Hopwood Lane
Halifax, West Yorkshire
HX1 5EX
Dear Mike
NEW YEAR REVELS -TAPE
Thank you for the call yesterday. I enclose the tape you requested. If you need anything else, do get in touch.
I’m not sure what happened with this one, but the log dates it as above whereas the electronic file is dated July 1995. Perhaps just a tiny tweak and resubmission, probably in vain.
Slow numbers need to be spot on. I don’t think this one is.
NEWT GINGRICH
(To the Tune of “Moon River”)
SPOKEN INTRO
BILL: For the sake of harmony on Capitol Hill, I am prepared to listen to any ideas the new speaker, Newt Gingrich, might wish to advance.
NEWT: Mr President, your wife’s a bitch!
(Immediately, an incessant female nonsense whine starts across the PA)
BILL: (to off) Yes, Hillary, I’ll tell that ass-hole where to get off, don’t you worry your pretty little bitch of head about that, he ain’t getting away with that remark.(To Newt) With all due respect, Mr Gingrich, that’s not quite the kind of harmony I had in mind. Try this for size.
VERSE 1 – BILL CLINTON
Newt Gingrich,
What a crazy name,
Competing for my fame and cares;
New speaker,
And rule tweaker,
The house that you’re chairing’s preparing for prayers.
(Hillary starts again with the whining)
BILL: Yes, Hillary, I’m telling him, I’m telling him good and proper.
VERSE 2 – BILL CLINTON
Two parties try to share the power,
But you’re so gruff and sour, please see;
We’re after the same rainbow’s end,
Let me tax and spend,
Then you can be friend,
Newt Gingrich and me.
VERSE 3 – NEWT GINGRICH
Bill Clinton off to save the world,
You chase your tail and girls loosely;
I’m after a sane rainbow’s end,
Although I’m round the bend,
My cuts will never mend,
Newt Gingrich, that’s me.
Here is Moon River with the lyrics set out below the vid:
We didn’t book much theatre or concert stuff that autumn, what with the birth of Z/Yen and all that going on, but we did book a handful of things we couldn’t bear to miss. This was one of those. Edward Albee’s new play, Three Tall Women.
Janie even put aside her Maggie Smith aversion in the interests of seeing this one.
Michael Billington interviewed Edward Albee ahead of the press night:
Ben Murphy is/was a very funny fellow and I enjoyed doing business with him. But several of the NewsRevue writers struggled with him, usually at the “getting paid” level.
He certainly wasn’t very business-like (but then nor are some of the NewsRevue lot), so I suspect that my correspondence felt a bit more urgent to him.
I always got paid eventually, for as long as he wanted more material, as I’d simply withhold new stuff until I was paid for the old stuff after a while.
The other problem dealing with him was working out where he was. He moved around a lot, partly for summer season purposes but possibly for other reasons. I hope he didn’t pay me rather than the rent that month…perhaps that explains the move.
I got paid and got continuing business for a couple more years. Ben started calling me Z/Ian after the second of the letters below.
Ben Murphy 12 October 1994
(Wells address redacted)
Dear Ben
SONGS
As promised, Ben, here are those new songs. Hope you can use them..
Looking forward to receiving the dosh soon. Hope to increase my volume of output again shortly – so watch this space.
Do let me have your new address and phone number a.s.a.p. Speak to you soon.
Cheers.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris
encs
…and with a little more urgency…
Ben Murphy 15 November 1994
(Wells address redacted)
Dear Ben
THANKS FOR THE MEMORY
Thank you for the telephone message that I have just received. I hope this letter gets to you, as your message did not identify your new address and telephone number.
I enclose copies of my fee notes (bloody yuppie he’s becoming) and copies of the very small number of new songs I’ve produced since we last spoke (nice guy ‘tho’, how could you possibly hate him on principle?).
I shall resort to private detectives and all sorts of shit unless I get a new address and telephone number out of you by the end of the month. I’ve just got to get these new songs to you!!
Love and kisses.
Cheers.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris
Encs.
…and the invoices…
INVOICE
VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04
FAO Ben Murphy Date: 12 September 1994
Tax point:14 August 1994
(Wells address redacted)
INVOICE TO: Ben Murphy
ACCOUNT REF: MU01
INVOICE NO: 02003
In respect of songs and sundry patter for your summer season, May to 12 August 1994.
£
ROYALTIES 150.00
VAT – NIL (PRE REGISTRATION) –
LESS: ADVANCE PAID 25.00
————-
TOTAL £125.00
========
This amount is now due. Many thanks in advance of your prompt attention.
INVOICE – FILE COPY VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04
FAO Ben Murphy Date: 12 September 1994
Taxpoint: 12 September 1994
(Wells address redacted)
INVOICE TO: Ben Murphy
ACCOUNT REF: MU01
INVOICE NO: 02004
In respect of songs and sundry patter for your summer season, mid August to September 1994.
£
ROYALTIES 25.53
VAT @ 17.5% 4.47
————-
TOTAL £30.00
========
This amount is now due. Many thanks in advance of your prompt attention.
In the annals of accountancy folk lore, 9 November 1994 will forever be an historic day, not that you would easily find a reference to it on-line…
…until now.
For that evening in 1994 was the very first Accountancy Age Awards, now operated as a separate venture by the looks of it and/or rebranded as the British Accountancy Awards.
And I was there.
Not just there, I was an honoured guest. For I had been one of the judges on one of the panels for that very first year of the Accountancy Awards. I had been on the judging panel for accounting systems, no less. Selected for the role while I still worked for Binder Hamlyn, although I had left to form Z/Yen in the meantime. Accountancy Age were told about the move but didn’t mind. Nor did Binders.
A few weeks or months earlier, while still at Binders.
According to my 1994 diary, I spent the afternoon of 13 September 1994 at the Accountancy Age offices. During those few hours, I and the rest of the panel “examined” several systems, to decide which were worthy of awards. You can imagine just how methodical and scientific that judging process must have been.
It was my first experience on an awards judging panel and I learnt a lot that afternoon to stand me in good stead since, whenever I have subsequently sat on (or in some cases chaired) such panels… mostly I learnt how NOT to judge awards from the Accountancy Awards experience.
But on awards night itself the judging was all behind me. My hard work was done. My black tie outfit was donned. I think I might have still been hiring black tie gear back then. It looks from my diary as though I worked from home that day, thus avoiding the worst excesses of “black tie day misery”: lugging clobber around all day, knowing you’ll have to change into that tux in some smelly bog, early evening. Or, in many ways worse, wandering around town all day in black tie, explaining to each client in the morning and afternoon meetings that you are so darned busy with back-to-back meetings that you are already dressed for a pompous evening do.
I have two lingering but fitful memories from the evening. The first relates to Bob Monkhouse, who hosted the show. I remember discovering that Debbie Barham was writing gags for Bob Monkhouse when he did this kind of gig, by mentioning this event to Debbie at a NewsRevue writers meeting. Debbie was a young, supremely talented comedy writer, whose subsequent tragic story was posthumously written by her dad in this book – click here.
I cannot remember whether Debbie and I had that conversation about Bob before or after the event itself. I do remember that, once we’d had that conversation, I’d get occasional e-mails from Debbie (she, like me, was a relatively early e-mail adopter) asking me for background information, buzz phrases or just something for her to latch onto when she was writing patter for similar commercial events, usually for Monkhouse or another serial awards offender, such as Ned Sherrin or Rory Bremner. Little did I know at that time how obsessive Debbie’s work habits would become and how tragically her situation would end.
But on the Accountancy Awards evening itself, I recall finding Bob Monkhouse’s jokes rather predictable but very professionally served. As was the food.
My second memory relates to George Littlejohn. By good chance, I was placed next to George. He was also an honoured guest, in his case in the capacity of a former editor of Accountancy Age magazine. George had subsequently moved on to bigger and better things; yes that really is possible.
George is a most interesting chap with a very good sense of humour. The latter came in especially handy that evening. There is always something incongruous/pompous about awards ceremonies done “Oscars-style” for matters less glamorous and more mundane than the Oscars. Accountancy Awards, for example, are, in my opinion, just a tad less glamorous and a smidgen more mundane than Oscars.
Perhaps George Littlejohn remembers the evening differently; if so, I hope he chimes in with a comment or three. We’ve kept in touch all these years, our business interests overlapping occasionally, but in any case we always enjoy meeting up. I occasionally run into George at cultural events, as indeed I did on New Years Day 2017 at the Curzon Bloomsbury – click here – which triggered me to write up this 1994 event now.
I particularly recall the last award, Accountant of the Year, being delivered with extreme fanfare, won by a big-haired young woman. Her excellence as an accountant I couldn’t possibly question, but it seemed (to us at least) that she had primarily been chosen for the award because she would utterly look the part in the press photos. In any event, she rapidly got busy, kissing Bob Monkhouse spontaneously, looking elatedly happy and supremely excited about it all. Meanwhile, the flash guns went on firing and the thumping music went on blaring. George and I couldn’t stop giggling for quite some while.
Still, the event must have been a great success – it is still being held every year, at the same venue I believe – for sure it was again at The Brewery, Chiswell Street in 2016. The event even has its own website and strap line – click here.
So perhaps it’s no surprise that there is no record on-line from the 1994 event; who needs it? As another great George, Santayana in this case, succinctly put it:
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.