Author: Ian Louis Harris

Perhaps the most noteworthy thing about this lyric is the date in my log for the writing of it; 14 November 1993.

That was the day Janie and I set off for our four week journey to China, Hong Kong and Bali. I must have rattled off this lyric and dropped it at the Canal Cafe on my way out to Janie’s place ahead of going to the airport.

It’s a self-explanatory lyric, I think, about the perennial rock band Status Quo.

There are some good lines – if nothing else, I think my mention of Shakespeare and iambic pentameter in the context of Quo deserves a medal for chutzpah.

_ PUBLISHING ALL ABOUT QUO _


 (To the Tune of “Rocking All Over the World”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Oh here they are, yes here they are,
Oh take a look;
Status Quo have gone and written a book,
On the hook,
Publishing all about Quo.
 
Oh here they are yes here they are,
The tearaways;
Write three words and then copy the phrase,
Seven ways,
Just like the records from Quo.
 
CHORUS 1
 
And the writing, the writing, the writing, the writing,
Is not too exciting,
Really not worth fighting for,
Publishing all about Quo.
 
VERSE 2
 
We dread to think the money that the Quo makes here,
Write a sentence and they think that their gear,
Is Shakespeare,
Literally all about Quo.
 
CHORUS 2
 
It’s iambic, iambic, iambic, iambic,
Iambic pentameter,
But critics slam it a-go-go,
Knocking all of Status Quo
(Chords indicate that the song is over)
It’s not over, not over, not over, not over,
The song wasn’t over,
Although they’re over the hill,
Rocking all over the hill.
(Chords indicate that the song is over again – this could continue ad nauseam)

Below is Status Quo singing Rockin All Over The World with the lyrics on the screen:

I can only assume that this lyric was triggered by some silly news story about men being exploited by the fashion industry.

I don’t think it was used but it does have one or two good lines in it.

                                                   _ PENIS IN BLUE JEANS _

                                (To the Tune of “Venus in Blue Jeans”)
 
INTRO – MELVYN BRAGG
 
Good evening and welcome to the South Bank Show.  Politics and the performing arts.  Tonight we welcome Ivor Tripod.  Through his songs, Ivor argues that performers are exploited by powerful, faceless corporations.  His first song tonight is a scathing polemic about the exploitation of men by the denim trouser industry.
 
(Enter female chorus)La la, la la la, la la la la, la la;
(Enter well endowed male singer) La da, da de da, da de de da, dee dum;
 
VERSE 1
 
My penis in blue jeans,
Macho Levis with a pony tail;
See the action in your swimming pools,
Of my cue and snooker balls.
 
VERSE 2
 
My Penis in blue jeans,
Outlined in a range of underwear;
Denim Wranglers can’t prevent the pain,
When horse-dragged cross the plain.
 
MIDDLE BIT
 
There’s more than seven wonders in the world,
Because my friend is number eight;
To keep my golden wonder neatly curled,
I must not masturbate…
 
VERSE 3
 
…my Penis in blue jeans,
Is a massively uplifting sight;
My pitch increases more and more,
(strains for the last few notes) These jeans are much too tight.

Below is Mark Wynter singing Venus In Blue Jeans with the lyrics on the screen:

Tough topic to try to cover, this and I’m not too sure what point I was trying to make or what news story triggered it. Presumably some confusion at a major university somewhere over what to do about drunken students who didn’t know what they had done, with whom and/or how consensual whatever it was might have been.

Mercifully, I don’t think the lyric was used.

_ RAPING DRUNKS IS HARD TO DO _

(To the Tune of “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”)

INTRO/BACKING REFRAIN THROUGHOUT – COLLEGE DONS

Clear the college town too-tee-too town town,

Send the buggers down doo-dee-doo down down,

Wear a silly gown goo-gee-goo gown gown,

Raping drunks is hard to do.

VERSE 1 – THE BOY

They say our love was not p.c.,

When we were at University;

You’re a girl that I once knew,

For taking pot and sniffing glue.

VERSE 2 – THE GIRL

Remember when we got so tight,

I stayed with you all through the night;

Can’t recall what I went through,

But waking up was hard to do.

MIDDLE BIT – ALTERNATELY

BOY:You know that making love is hard to do,

GIRL:When you’re both as pissed as a newt;

BOY:(looks down) Don’t say that this is me end,

GIRL:Instead of making love I think we may be throwing up again.

VERSE 3 – THE BOY

I beg of U-niversity,

Please don’t add to my adversity,

College court’s a kangaroo,

Cos raping drunks is hard to prove.

OUTRO – COLLEGE DONS

Clear the college town too-tee-too town town,

Send the buggers down doo-dee-doo down down,

Wear a silly gown goo-gee-goo gown gown,

Raping drunks is hard to do.

Below is a video of Neil Sedaka singing Breaking Up Is Hard To Do with the lyrics on the screen: