Author: Ian Louis Harris

Yugoslavia, A Pre-NewsRevue Lyric Eventually Used In NewsRevue, 1 July 1991

One of my very early efforts at lyric writing was this lyric about the break-up of Yugoslavia. The original is dated 1 July 1991 – I’ll need to upload a scan of the printout for that exact lyric. The version that follows – version 2, was updated and extended for NewsRevue in 1992 in the very early days of my involvement there. I have a feeling that it was actually used in the show briefly in the late summer/early autumn of 1992. If not Paula Tappenden’s cast then the one after.

Or did John Random use it in one of his subsequent runs/shows?

Anyway, here’s version 2:

YUGOSLAVIA (Version 2)

(To the tune of “Istanbul not Constantinople”)

VERSE 1

Serbia is in Yugoslavia,

Now there’s Croatia and also Slovinia,

Plus there’s Bosnia and then Macedonia,

Two that I don’t know,

And Mon-te-neg-ro.

VERSE 2

Lets go back to old Yugoslavia,

No you can’t go, there is such a palava,

You may get shot up and never recover,

One day you’re in Bled,

Next day bled and dead.

TRITE MIDDLE BIT 1

Even tennis stars,

Our commentators fear;

They can’t say without a glitch,

Goran Ivanisovitch.

VERSE 3

Take a break out in Yugoslavia,

No I won’t go there, I think I would rather,

Go to Greece or maybe Czechoslovakia,

Why did poor Yugoslavia get the veto?

Cos they went all to pieces after Tito.

 

(Instrumental – with “do, do, do’s”, “wo, wo, wo’s” and outbursts of “Serbia”, “Croatia”, “Bosnia”, possibly accompanied by some suitably violent business)

 

TRITE MIDDLE BIT 2

Even tennis stars,

Have put their lives at risk,

Monica Seles groans and grunts,

Even she had death threats once.

VERSE 4

See a shrink if in Yugoslavia,

Cos the countries shrinking farther and farther,

I’d prefer to be in the Intefarda,

Why is poor Yugoslavia now the pits?

Cos the Serbs are a bunch of violent gits.

Please note that the above version was dated 5 July 1992 – also aimed to be topical for Wimbledon but more than a year before the actual murder attempt on Monica Seles’ life.

Below is  a YouTube of The Four Lads singing Istanbul (not Constantinople)…

…or if you prefer the zappy They Might Be Giants version:

You can read the lyrics of Istanbul (not Constantinople) by clicking here.

Black Snow by Keith Dewhurst, Cottesloe Theatre, 15 June 1991

I don’t really remember much about this one, which suggests it was not so memorable an evening at the theatre.

Bobbie might remember it better, but I doubt it.

Excellent cast of National Theatre usual suspects. Ron Cook, Marion Bailey, Sally Rogers, Paul Moriarty, Peter Wight, Gillian Barge, Karl Johnson and many others. William Gaskill directed. The Theatricalia entry for this one can be found here.

Michael Coveney absolutely loved it in The Observer:

Coveney on Black SnowCoveney on Black Snow Sun, Apr 28, 1991 – 56 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Michael Billington also thought it was well worth seeing.

Billington on Black SnowBillington on Black Snow Sat, Apr 27, 1991 – 21 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

I think there was just too much going on for me. Wonderful acting and all that, but I struggled to engage with it. My bad.

Bagels In The Morning, Comedy Lyric, 7 June 1991

This is one of my very first comedy lyrics, written with no particular purpose. I’d been listening to a fair smattering of Allan Sherman and Weird Al Yankovic at that time; it shows.

The term “JAP” below is an acronym, as defined here, should be written J.A.P.

I did adapt/write a topical version of this lyric for NewsRevue a couple of years later, with Barbara Streisand as the J.A.P.

Bagels In The Morning, NewsRevue Lyric, 29 May 1993


BAGELS IN THE MORNING

 
(The JAP version of “Angel of the Morning”)
 
VERSE ONE
 
You tell me I am your princess,
So let’s go buy more jewels and gold.
If it is your aim to impress,
Then spend, and do what you are told.
 
A guy who’s so fast with the ladies,
Should drive at least a white Mercedes.
 
 
CHORUS
 
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese,
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
But pickled herrings make me sneeze.
 
 
VERSE TWO
 
I was not quite so rational,
When we met in Siena,
I called you Hebrew National,
But meant Cocktail Vienna.
 
In your virility I trusted,
But you didn’t cut the mustard.
 
 
CHORUS
 
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese,
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
But pickled herrings make me sneeze.
 
 
Some with seeds and onions
 
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
 
FADE
 

This lyric works with the song Angel Of The Morning, which has been recorded by dozens of people, but in 1991 I only had the PP Arnold recording to hand:

Invisible Friends by Alan Ayckbourn, Cottesloe Theatre, 4 May 1991

I think I’d grown out of Alan Ayckbourn by the time I saw this one. Or perhaps I just had grown out of Ayckbourn that was aimed at a young audience.

Not really my sort of thing

…I said.

Another Saturday evening at the Cottesloe with Bobbie.

The Theatricalia entry for this one can be found here.

Michael Billington explains what the play and production was about, recommending that adults should only attend if accompanied by children!

Billington on Invisible FriendsBillington on Invisible Friends Fri, Mar 15, 1991 – 37 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Michael Coveney in The Observer makes no excuses for the play/production, simply suggesting that invisible was risible.

Coveney on InvisibleCoveney on Invisible Sun, Mar 17, 1991 – 56 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

I do recall Bobbie telling me about her imaginary friend, some time before this production. But as far as I know that didn’t all go horribly wrong for her. I certainly don’t remember this production generating additional revelations from Bobbie.

The Closing Number by Mladen Materic, Hampstead Theatre, 5 April 1991

Hmm, my memory on this one is very poor.

My diary says I went to see this play with Jilly. Possibly someone Jilly knew/knows had something to do with it.

The performers were Tony Anthony, Denise Wong, Phil Daniels and Kate France. Materic directed the piece himself and it was a Shared Experience production; possibly the first of theirs I saw.

There’s a good interview with Mladen Materic in The List from that time, about this production – linked here. A rare on-line resource from that era.

Michael Billington to the rescue! He previewed the thing in The Guardian – what would we do without him?

Billington Previews Closing NumberBillington Previews Closing Number Thu, Mar 14, 1991 – 31 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Michael Coveney reviewed it in The Observer – let’s just say he didn’t much like the show.

Michael Coveney on Closing NumberMichael Coveney on Closing Number Sun, Mar 24, 1991 – 60 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

As for my poor recollection of the evening – perhaps Jilly can come to the rescue on that aspect.

The Visit by Friedrich Durrenmatt, Lyttelton Theatre, 9 March 1991

I think this was my first encounter with Complicité, or Théâtre de Complicité as it was then known.

I saw this production with Bobbie Scully.

Superb

…was my verdict at the time and I do still remember this as an especially wonderful night at the theatre.

Complicité stalwarts were out in force; Kathryn Hunter, Marcello Magni, Simon McBurney (the latter also directed this one)…plus Jasper Britton, who I wouldn’t normally think of as a Complicité dude.

The Theatricalia entry for this production can be found here.

Michael Billington wasn’t 100% sure about it, admiring the style but suggesting that the style somewhat swamped the content:

Billington on VisitBillington on Visit Fri, Feb 15, 1991 – 35 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Kate Kellaway in The Observer didn’t like it either.

Kellaway on The VisitKellaway on The Visit Sun, Feb 17, 1991 – 57 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

The critics were wrong and I was right, is all I can say!

Mozart At The Royal Festival Hall, 15 February 1991

To the Royal Festival Hall in deep midwinter with Bobbie, as part of the BBC Symphony Orchestra 60th Anniversary festival. We went to a couple of these concerts; this was the second of them.

Stephen Bishop-Kovacevich waved the stick and David Butt played the flute. We heard three great works by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart:

  • Symphony No 39 in E Flat Major
  • Flute Concerto in G Major, K313/KE285c
  • Symphony No 40 in G Minor, K550

I’m not sure this was a perfect fit of conductor and orchestra for these works, but it was lovely to hear these familiar pieces in the Royal Festival Hall. I cannot find any newspaper archive reviews for this one, so my one-line review based on a memory of an event from nearly 34 years ago (as I write) will have to do.

The Fever by Wallace Shawn, Cottesloe Theatre, 9 February 1991

I loved this wonderful monologue, written and performed by Wallace Shawn. At the time, in my log, I declared it to be:

Excellent.

Thirty years on, writing in late January 2021, I remember it vividly and now, in the time of Covid and dysfunctional politics, it seems so apposite and prescient.

This was the first time I saw Wallace Shawn and/or his work live. I had previously enjoyed his film work, not least My Dinner With Andre, so was thrilled to see him perform.

I saw this original, authoritative performance with Bobbie Scully. It was a National Theatre/Royal Court Theatre joint production. Why don’t they do this more often? Here is a link to the RNT archive record for it. It showed at The Royal Court Theatre Upstairs and at the Cottesloe – we caught it at the latter.

Strangely, the text of the piece is in the public domain – I assume by design – so if you want to read the draw-droppingly still-relevant piece, it can be read here. Or if that link ever fails, try this scrape here.

Michael Coveney in The Observer loved it:

Coveney on FeverCoveney on Fever Sun, Jan 13, 1991 – 52 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Whereas Nicholas de Jongh in The Guardian hated it

Nicholas de Jongh on FeverNicholas de Jongh on Fever Fri, Jan 11, 1991 – 38 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Many years later I saw the piece again with Janie – Clare Higgins performed it at The Royal Court in 2009

The Fever by Wallace Shawn, Royal Court Theatre, 4 April 2009

If you click through the 2009 piece to Michael Billington’s review of that production, he confesses to having been smitten with the piece the first time. That tells us that Michael Billington goes to see stuff at the theatre even when it isn’t his turn to write the review. Now THAT’s a theatre enthusiast! Nicholas de Jongh – you’re outvoted!

BBC Symphony Orchestra Feast On Bruckner, With Andrew rather Than Günter, At The Royal Festival Hall, 8 February 1991

Bobbie and I went to a couple of Friday evening concerts at The Royal Festival Hall as part of the BBC Symphony Orchestra’s 60th Anniversary festival.

We were supposed to see the great Günter Wand performing a couple of Beethoven Symphonies, but Günter pulled out at the last minute so Andrew Davis decided to shake a stick at one of Günter’s signature pieces:

Anton Bruckner – Symphony No 8 in C Minor.

Hence, a one piece concert, this.

I did subsequently get to hear and see Günter perform this piece with the BBC Symphony Orchestra at what turned out to be his last BBC Prom hurrah – another occasion when we turned up to hear one set of pieces and got Bruckner 8 instead.

The Night That Günter Wand Changed The Programme & Conducted His Last Prom, Royal Albert Hall, 9 September 1995

It’s just as well that I like Bruckner 8. I guess I have become mighty familiar with it over the years, collecting four Bruckner 8’s in 10 years between 1989 and 1999.

Malcolm Hayes in The Telegraph was unsure about this brave (but in his view, flawed) 1991 attempt:

David Bruckner Hayes TelegraphDavid Bruckner Hayes Telegraph 11 Feb 1991, Mon The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Still, Bobbie and I no doubt enjoyed our evening despite the absence of Ludwig Van and Günter.

Build A Rocket Or Two, Comedy Lyric, 4 February 1991

This is one of the very first comedy lyrics I wrote – for no particular purpose other than to amuse myself and friends.

I later adapted it to make it a little topical and it was used in NewsRevue.

Here is that 1991 original lyric:

BUILD A ROCKET OR TWO
(A Song to the tune of “Pick a Pocket or Two” from “Oliver!”)
VERSE ONE
In this world, one thing counts,
On defence, large amounts.
Missiles like these,
Don’t grow on trees;
You’ve got to build a rocket or two,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two, boys,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two.
Guns like these,
Don’t grow on trees,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two.
VERSE TWO
Why should we, pay more tax,
For warheads, with Anthrax?
Splat ’em en masse,
With mustard gas;
You’ve got to build a rocket or two,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two, boys,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two.
Germs like these,
Don’t spread with ease,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two.
VERSE THREE
If it’s Nukes, that you choose,
Build a Scud, or a Cruise.
Kill with aplomb,
By Neutron Bomb;
You’ve got to build a rocket or two,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two, boys,
You’ve got to build a rocket or two.
Fallout? These,
Last centuries,
You’d better build a bunker or two.

Here and below is a link to the 1992 version for NewsRevue:

Build A Rocket Or Two, NewsRevue Lyric, 26 July 1992

Here is Ron Moody singing “Pick A Pocket Or Two” from the movie version of Oliver!:

…and here are the lyrics to Pick A Pocket Or Two.