Category: Friends and Family Events

Chris Stanton: Absurdist & Realist, A Personal Tribute, 9 March 2020

With thanks to John Random for the 1992 pictures, such as the one above.

It was with great sadness, although not surprise, that I learnt, on 11 March, that Chris Stanton has died. He had been battling and eventually reconciling himself with terminal cancer for a couple of years. It was a fitting coincidence that I learnt of his demise, through the NewsRevue alum community (specifically, via Chris Rowe), as I came off the real tennis court at Lord’s.

I first met Chris at the Canal Cafe Theatre in the spring of 1992, when I started writing for NewsRevue and while Chris was performing in John Random’s Spring 1992 run of the show.

Chris Stanton was the very first professional performer to deliver my lyrics to a paying audience. A rather morbid number, entitled California Here I Go:

California Here I Go, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 April 1992

Not one of my best, but one of my first…and my goodness, a performer of Chris’s quality could make the most of whatever material he was given.

That cast: Sarah Swingler, Ian Angus Wilkie, Chris Stanton, Sonia Beck

Later that run, the cast, with Chris Stanton up front and exceptional, performed another of mine, You Can’t Hurry Trusts. A much better – indeed still relevant – lyric for a topical satirical review, though I say so myself:

You Can’t Hurry Trusts, NewsRevue Lyric, 7 May 1992

Chris Stanton’s professional career continued to thrive and take off as the 1990s went on…as did mine of course, but his was a performing career whereas my career was a more conventional one. I saw little of him for 20 or so years after our involvement with NewsRevue waned, by the end of the 1990s.

Chris was reluctant to join us at Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners, although he did perhaps turn up once or twice in the early part of the 20th century.

Coincidentally, our paths crossed again some 20 years after Chris’s involvement with NewsRevue ceased, in 2016, when I took up real tennis at Lord’s and ran into Chris in the dedans gallery.

I, beginner.

Real tennis is a wonderful game, still played virtually unchanged since medieval times, ideal for those with a sense of comedy. As I said back in 2016:

real tennis is such a weird game, the rules could easily have emanated from a John Random sketch describing a fictitious game of John’s imagining.

Unless you are very gifted at the game (which I am not and Chris was only a little more gifted than me), you have to be prepared to look absurd at times, the game is so complex and confounding. Yet addictive.

I did write up my first on court encounter with Chris, en passant in 2016.

Real tennis players are sometimes referred to as “realists” but I think there is an “absurdist” element to it for us comedy types. I especially enjoyed saying, panto-style, “it’s behind you” to Chris, if he ended up (as oft we do) confounded by the eventual landing point of that hand-made, not-quite-round ball in that crazily-shaped court. Ironically, of course, Chris was doing a fair bit of panto in recent years, before he was taken ill.

We are a geeky lot too, so “the book” for real tennis scores is a global database that records the results of every match. Here is my head-2-head of recorded games with Chris; he will have given me handicap points in each of these matches; fewer as the years went on:

Final score: Stanton 3 matches to Harris 2 matches. I could have been a contender…

I didn’t know why I hadn’t seen Chris for a while – I thought he might just have been busy with work or off games with an injury – until I ran into him at Lord’s last summer on a test match day and he explained to me (with some surprise that I didn’t know) that he had lung cancer (one of the non-smoker varieties), was undergoing treatment but was probably just staving off the inevitable. By that time, Chris seemed reconciled, I’d even say at peace, with his fate. Certainly that was the way he presented me with the facts of the matter.

My last memory of spending time with him will be an abiding one and speaks volumes about the man. Towards the end of last summer, we had a 40th anniversary party for NewsRevue at the Canal Cafe Theatre. The event included the extant show and a “smoker” – the latter being a form of party we often had in the 1990s at which performers and writers would do party pieces for one another.

Chris rose to the challenge and asked to perform two of his favourite pieces at the piano: A Loan Again (by Ian Christiansen I think) and John Random’s wonderful 0898 song, the latter being a very witty, quickfire number – I hope John doesn’t mind me upping/linking his classic lyric.

Chris said to me, earlier in the evening, that he was worried that his lungs no longer had the capacity to carry him all the way through 0898 without a breather. I said that I was sure it wouldn’t matter if he did need a breather; we were a gathering of friends.

Of course, commensurate professional that he was, Chris somehow got through the song without missing a beat or pausing for breath once. It was a masterful performance, not least in the circumstances.

NewsRevue 40th Anniversary Party, Show & Smoker, Canal Cafe Theatre, 18 August 2019

I don’t suppose my report of his tenacity comes as news to anyone who worked with Chris throughout his long and successful acting career, nor to anyone who did battle with him on the real tennis court.

In the language of real tennis, Chris was a “better than half a yard” sort of bloke; news of his demise has made me (and no doubt many others) feel “worse than the door”.

Or in the language of the stage, Chris Stanton was a stellar performer whose passing has temporarily made me feel wooden as I write.

But such super memories. Thank you, Chris Stanton.

Postscript: The Coincidence Magnifies

Within a day or so of posting this tribute, I learnt that Chris Rowe, the Newsrevue alum who notified us about Chris Stanton’s demise, is also a member of the MCC and also a real tennis enthusiast. Indeed, it was through Chris Rowe that Chris Stanton got involved with real tennis at Lord’s.

Here is a poster from the Newsrevue 1991 Edinburgh show, in which both of the gentlemen appeared:

Threadmash 5, Rohan Candappa’s Thing Has A Birthday Bash, Gladstone Arms, 5 February 2020

How does one describe Threadmash? It is sort-of a writing club, where people write and recite pieces, often being encouraged outside their safe places, by ringmaster Rohan Candappa.

But it is not so much about what we do as it is about how it makes those of us who participate in it feel. I probably described that for the first time at the end of the Ogblog piece in which I set out my second threadmash piece:

In Search Of Lost Time and Found Memories, A Performance Piece For The Second Theadmash, Gladstone Arms, 28 March 2019

But the very first threadmash was exactly a year ago. The piece I produced for that inaugural event is set out here and below:

The Rohan Thing, My Short Performance Piece As Part Of Rohan Candappa’s Inaugural Threadmash, Gladstone Arms, 5 February 2019

Rohan is not one to let a birthday or anniversary go unmarked…

…nor is he one to miss an opportunity for a party of sorts.

So Threadmash 5 was cunningly scheduled for the first anniversary of Threadmash. Well played, Rohan.

There were several new faces this time, observing the readings and whole-heartedly participating in the party atmosphere. Several of them had “Sh” names, such as Shirani, Shivangi, Shazia and Rowan.

Eight of us wrote pieces to Rohan’s brief this time. Mine is published here:

Dear William, My Peformance Piece For Threadmash 5, Gladstone Arms, 5 February 2020

Terry went first. He wrote a job application letter, to become a taster for Mr Kipling cakes. He used the application as a mechanism to tell us all about his “work experience” as a youngster. It was very amusing and touching in parts.

Jan then read us a letter to a plate of food that she was forced to “study” outside the headmistresses office for the whole afternoon, when five years old, because she had the audacity to abstain from eating the ghastly gunk that was her school dinner. This too was a very funny and touching piece.

Jan’s piece reminded me of a lovely piece of writing I published recently on Ogblog as a guest piece, by cousin Garry Steel, about a similar incident and the “truth and reconciliation” events that occurred decades later:

Truth And Reconciliation 55 Years After A Dastardly Custardy Battle: Guest Piece By Garry Steel

This was the first of several unexpected, surprising and in some cases downright weird coincidences in the evening’s pieces.

I went next…

…followed by Chris who wrote a letter to his own testosterone, explaining how their relationship had changed and was likely to continue changing over the decades. Not only funny and engaging, this piece was also moving and quite risky in the level and nature of its confessional humour.

Flo’s piece was the fifth one. A letter, decades later, to a youth with whom she had enjoyed extended correspondence and an unfulfilled dalliance “back in the day”, probably because she was less ready for romance at that time than the young man. As with all of the pieces, there was a mixture of drama and humour; this one especially bittersweet because the mismatch was one of those timing things that so many of us probably, if we put our minds to it, experienced one way or another when we were in the early stages of romance. I probably wasn’t the only man in the room thinking, “crickey, I never, ever put THAT much effort into wooing a girl. Poor chap.”

The strange coincidence in Flo’s piece was that she described the young man, on reflection, as “her troubadour”, which seemed a strange, coincidental echo of my references to William of Aquitaine and his reputation as the first troubadour.

Next up was David Wellbrook, who wrote a very moving letter in the part of a soldier on the front line in WW1, writing home having just killed a man in hand-to-hand combat. David is a very versatile writer. To a greater extent than most of us, he is able to pick up on Rohan’s entreaties to stretch ourselves beyond our safe zones and make that stretch comprehensively.

Strangely, Kay’s letter was to her late Grandfather and talked a great deal about his active service in WW1.This seemed like a particularly coincidental echo, coming immediately after David’s WW1 story and also in relation to mine, which was also a letter to a dead relative of the grandfather generation, albeit “grandfather-in-law” in my case. Kay’s piece was very touching, not least because clearly her grandfather had been unable to communicate feelings very much when Kay knew him and also because it is clear from the letter that Kay feels she might not have communicated with him sufficiently either.

Geraldine’s letter was directed by Rohan to be a letter of resignation, but Geraldine cleverly and delightfully twisted the idea to make it a letter of resignation to her former husband, explaining why she felt she simply had to escape the drudgery of the “American dream, American housewife” role in which she found herself cast as his wife. It was a beautiful piece of writing, full of love combined with a steely determination to explain herself and not to apologise. As with all of the pieces, the letter was probably the right length for such a performance piece but (and because) it said so much while leaving me wanting to know more.

After a short interlude, Rohan took us through a 10 point agenda. Is this is all getting a bit business-like?

…not as business-like as it looks, once you read the items

The brief for Threadmash Six is to write about an unknown woman named Charlotte Thomas. All we know of her is that Rohan managed to acquire a cheap moleskin-like notebook that had been customised with her name but never collected from the shop. Our job is to write about whosoever this person might be.

It did cross my mind to recycle my Theadmash One story, which is about a youthful dalliance with a young woman who I only ever knew as Fuzz, thus not even knowing her real first name, let alone her second name. She might very well be (or have been) Charlotte Thomas…

…but that would be cheating – I won’t do that. I think I have already decided on my Charlotte Thomas idea – it will be a bit of a stretch but I guess it is meant to be.

There was an awards ceremony, during which Rohan’s Edinburgh nemesis Rowan presented Adrian (in absentia) and Julie “Croissanita” with awards which, given their origins from the same stable as the Charlotte Thomas moleskin-type thing, I suggested should henceforward be known as “Charleys”.

It was a birthday party so of course there was cake…

…and goody bags.

Even the awkward silence was superb.

Then Rohan performed a new piece of his own, a very evocative piece which the agenda claims to be a collaboration with a top musician. But Rohan actually confessed that Brian Eno is…was unaware of the collaboration. I’m hoping Rohan will tell me which ambient piece he used to back up his words, at which point I shall update this piece with the information and possibly (with Rohan’s permission) let Brian Eno know how well he did.

Update: Rohan reports that the piece used was Neroli. You may hear Neroli on-line by clicking here or the embedded thingie below:

Rohan’s new work, about 15 minutes long, is a lyrical, poetic piece named Park.

Rohan was so pumped for his recital that he even felt the need to change for his performance:

Not only was Park a very charming and thought-provoking piece, it was, in a way, the third coincidence on the topic of troubadours. Of course, we will never know whenether the troubadour tradition was one of singing the lyrical poems to tunes or the dramatic recitation of lyrical poems with musical backing…almost certainly a bit of both depending on the piece and the troubadour. In any case it occurred to me that Rohan’s piece was very much of that 800+ years old troubadour tradition.

As always, the very act of gathering and spending an evening with such super people is a huge part of the Threadmash thing. I have known several of the people for just shy of 50 years now, whereas some of us have just met in the last year and about half the people at this anniversary evening were new to the thing. All were great company.

I’ve written too much already. It was a cracking evening. Thanks as always, Rohan.

A Reel Good Evening With John White, 21 January 2020

The reel thing

John and I had planned to go out for dinner on this particular evening, but then, a couple of weeks before the due date, John e-mailed me to ask if I still had a reel-to-reel tape recorder, as he and Pippa had uncovered a couple of reel-to-reel tapes when clearing his late parent’s house.

I said yes.

I didn’t say that my machines (by the end I had two by way of insurance/back-up) were in storage in the City.

Anyway, I trolleyed my Sony TC-377 back to Clanricarde and established that it more-or-less worked. So I suggested to John that we dine at mine instead and do some archaeology on his tapes.

I played a poor game of real tennis ahead of our reel evening, followed by a bizarre incident in Waitrose, in which, because I was given an unannounced/unlabelled bargain offer giving me an unexpected £6.50 off my basket of goods, I had failed to reach the magic £50 tally which meant that I could be fined some huge amount (£20? £60? Can’t remember) for parking in the absence of jobsworth at the till letting common sense apply.

It took me a good 15 minutes to get the “Balsamicgate” incident resolved, by which time I feared being late for John except that…

…John had, in the meantime, texted me to say that he couldn’t get near a tube and would be late.

Chill…

…I texted him, while probably still shaking with heated rage at the Waitrose incident and still feeling that I was running late.

In the end, I had time to prepare a salad and get most of the food ready ahead of John’s arrival with his tapes…

…and what amazing tapes they turned out to be.

There’s John’s parents encouraging a very little John to speak, on a tape labelled December 1963 which we think must refer to the date of that historic recording, together with John’s dad playing the piano and practising a speech to his Cuprinol colleagues around Christmas 1964.

John was a bit disparaging about his dad’s piano playing abilities, but I actually think that he plays very well for an amateur. I bet John’s dad was better at playing the piano than Vladimir Horowitz, Glenn Gould or Daniel Barenboim would have been at managing Cuprinol’s Services Division or selling bottles of Cuprinol Timber Treatment. Here’s a whole load more of dad on the piano (c 30 minutes of the next clip, plus 15 minutes from a radio light entertainment programme):

Image “borrowed” from Sixties City.net – click the pick for a link to that super site and more about Alan “Fluff” Freeman – I’m sure the Sixties City folk won’t mind…or if they do, they’ll request its removal from this piece..

The most interesting material for the general reader are some extracts from very early broadcasts of Pick Of The Pops. The one below, which has been dated as 14 Janaury 1962, was only the second ever Sunday broadcast of that show and seemingly a rarity – a recording thought lost.

Here is another, short Pick Of the Pops snippet, probably early March 1962, including the introduction to the programme. Just the first three minutes, after which is other pop music, perhaps from that programme but probably from a variety of programmes:

One more Pick Of The Pops recording, from late January or early February 1963, by which time John’s dad was editing out Alan “Fluff” Freeman’s voice:

For some reason, John’s dad also recorded a BBC television programme about freemasonry:

There is some more family-oriented material. Here is a three minute snippet of John and other kids, perhaps a party in the mid 1960s, followed by a poor six minute recording of John’s dad having a French lesson:

There is a lot of light entertainment material, much of which is not so well recorded:

But sandwiched between those last two light entertainment blocks is a truly surprising find, which I only myself uncovered a few days after John’s visit, while I was ripping the content of both tapes into digital form.

I have not yet had a chance to discuss this element with John, so I don’t feel entirely comfortable reveling this to the entire world at the same time as I reveal it to John and his family.

But the fact of the matter is, that John’s dad clearly continued to nurture an interest in modern music for longer than John knew about or even suspected. There is a 36 minute section which must date from the early 1970s which I can only describe as “rock”. Some would even describe some of it as “prog rock”. No-one could deny that some of it is even “glam rock”.

My guess is that John’s dad probably wasn’t a clandestine apron-wearing, breast-baring member of the Freemasons, despite the BBC recording about that subject. But we cannot possibly deny his dad’s clandestine rock phase. It’s unmistakably there on one of the channels of the big tape, buried between 50 minutes of light entertainment lounge music and a further 10 minutes of same. Now you know, John, now you know.

Did the way Marc Bolan flipped his hip always make John’s dad weak?

Joking apart, it was a lovely evening in many ways. John was clearly moved to hear this family audio material, probably for the first time ever and certainly for the first time consciously as an adult.

It reminded me so much of some of my own family trove of such material, only some of which has so far found its way to Ogblog:

Daddy Reading The Gingerbread Man To Me, Guessing Late 1966
My Very First Audio Recording & Inadvertent Desecration Of Mummy’s Tape, With Friends, Woodfield Avenue, Guessing Late 1966
Pick Of The Pops Chart Rundowns, Probably 28 July 1968 & 4 August 1968, Possibly 4 August 1968 & 11 August 1968

Dinner In Noddyland With The Jams, 18 January 2020

Jo, Janie & Max admiring the spread before we descend upon it & devour it

We spent a very enjoyable evening with several of The Jams.

As well as those depicted above, Kim was also there, but she did not want to be photgraphed for some reason. Perhaps Kim had told Micky she was going out for a wild night of clubbing and didn’t want him to know that she was, instead, having a decorous evening at our place. Joking apart, Micky was unfortunately unable to join us for the evening. He’d have loved the food.

Actually the central dish had presented us with some logisitcal issues. Janie set her heart on cooking a fusion prawn dish of a part-Peruvian. part-Japanese nature. It required Aji Amarillo paste as a vital ingredient; yellow aji being central to Peruvian cuisine.

To that end, Janie sent me a message on Thursday afternoon asking me to order a bottle of a particular paste through Amazon for her, which I did.

On Friday afternoon I received a message reading…

…arrggh…

…with some photos, one of which is shown below.

A Prime example of Aji Amarillo, glass and bubble wrap

I ordered another bottle on next day delivery and complained about the first bottle – the latter problem no doubt being a battle to come as the trader in question seems to have no mechnaism for refunds without physically returning broken glass and gunge to them, which I refused to do.

Anyway, a pristine bottle of the requisite condiment arrived about three hours before the guests. Timely.

But it wasn’t all prawns and aji amarillo…

…oh no…

…there were starters of smoked salmon open sandiches together with some cheesy nibbles and raw vegetables.

Neither Jo nor Max had been to Noddyland before, so they got a guided tour early in the evening, during the drinks and nibbles session.

For the main meal, as well as the prawns, there were patatas a lo pobre, cauliflower cheese (for Kim) and a massive tomato & mango salad…

A colourful spread, to say the least

…as well as breads. The latter, together with crackers, went well with the cheeses (thank you for the cheeses, Kim) that followed the main course.

Max Jamilly had just been awarded his PhD in synthetic biology. I made the mistake of addressing him as Mr Jamilly just the once…then, when corrected, as Dr Jamilly. We agreed that I might be the first person to have spoken that mistake and the first person to have addressed him correctly as Dr Jamilly. It’s always good to be first.

Jo and Kim are planning a trip to Jamaica, so we discussed that and I tried to help out with some varied Caribbean music. Kim tried to convince us that Cuba is not in the Caribbean, but on that point (as on a few other subjects) she found herself outvoted for some reason.

In fact we five chatted about all manner of subjects and were shocked when we realised how late it was, at which point Kim, Jo and Max called time on the proceedings.

What a very enjoyable evening it had been and gosh how it flew by.

A Gentle Start To 2020, Including Music & Food With The Smiths & The Neighbours, Early January 2020

4 January 2020: The Smiths

Our first outing of the decade was a visit to Mike and Marianna Smith’s house; an opportunity to eat together, make some music together and to see their kids, Eva and Bob, now that they are teenagers.

For those Ogblog readers who don’t know…

…and who are looking for somebody to blame for my music-making…

…it was Mike Smith who got me into the idea of playing the four-string guitar.

Mike makes & refurbishes stringed instruments of many varieties – the picture below depicts Mike playing a mandola, with a cello-like thing made from a half-baked mandolin by his side:

The pictures imply that Mariana did all the cooking and that Mike and I did all the playing, but that would be unfair on Mike (who prepared much of the delicious Mexican meal we enjoyed) and indeed on Eva, who is cultivating pie making skills, as illustrated above.

Bob & Eva chilling in gadget corner

We also spent plenty of time chatting too, about the kids school activities, Mike’s latest initiatives and learning some more about Mariana’s Slovak family and background.

One strange coincidence vis-a-vis the music and Mariana. Amongst other things, I was tinkling the renaissance song Belle Qui Tiens Ma Vie, which I am currently working on with Ian Pittaway, my early music teacher.

A few days after our delightful evening with The Smiths, I read Ian Pittaway’s essay on this piece and its context:

The pavan, the priest and the pseudonym: ‘Belle qui tiens ma vie’ and Arbeau’s ‘Orchésographie’ (1589)

Ian has added an annex to that essay about the Czechoslovakian folk group, Spirituál kvintet, who wrote and recorded a “Czechoslovakian protest” version of this song in the 1960s:

On discovering the coincidental link between the song and Mariana’s origins, I sent the link to Mike and Mariana. In typically subdued language, Mariana resonded:

I was slightly blown away by Spirituál Kvintet’s Pavana…

12 January 2020: Marcena & the Neighbours

As if we didn’t eat and drink enough with friends and neighbours in December, Marcena very kindly invited us in for drinks and nibbles on the second Sunday of the decade.

Coincidentally, Marcena’s centrepiece was also Mexican, a very tasty tacos dish, although there were also potatoes and chicken cutlets which bore the hallmarks of her southern Asian and southern African backgrounds.

Ged, Daisy, Marcena & Isabel
Marcena, Isabel, Joy & Piers

It was a very enjoyable evening. Janie (Daisy) tried to construct an alternative narrative for everyone else’s life…

…in fact at one point I wondered whether the full moon a couple of evenings earlier had got to her…

Any howl you might hear is likely me pretending to be a dog, in a vain attempt to scare a cat away from tormenting our visiting birds

…but in the end the truth would out and we all found out a bit more about each other, over some very tasty food and wine.

Chilled times.

Indeed, to add to the chilledness of the past two-three weeks, I also enjoyed:

  • a couple of music lessons with Ian Pittaway,
  • a jamming evening with DJ on 14 January at my place, with some yummy grub from Speck,
  • several games of real tennis at Lord’s, including club night on 16 January.
Kinda sums it up

A Brief & Personal Tribute To Nick R Thomas, Who Died On 10 January 2020

This piece is a response to the news that Nick R Thomas has died. It culminates with two personal memories, including a sound file of one of my favourite Nick R Thomas comedy pieces.

The above photo is borrowed from Nick R Thomas’s Facebook account; his own choice of signature image.

I met Nick in 1992, when I first started writing for NewsRevue. He was a seasoned comedy writer by then, having been writing News Huddlines, Week Ending and various other stuff of that kind for a couple of years.

Like many of the regular NewsRevue writers at that time, Nick encouraged me and other keen amateurs when we joined the NewsRevue pack. Many of us got involved at that time or, as I think was the case with Nick R Thomas, cemented that collaborative writers friendship around NewsRevue in the early 1990s. We started to describe ourselves as “the class of ’92”.

Most of us had become less actively involved with NewsRevue by the turn of the century, but kept in touch with each other through occasional dinners known as Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners, in honour of the first of our cohort to pass.

Although Nick R Thomas had moved to Bournemouth, he was for some time one of the more regular attendees at those dinners and was great company at those, presumably taking an infeasibly late train home quite often or occasionally staying up in London to join us.

I think the last of his visits to one of those dinners was in October 2017, which was a special Class of ’92 gathering to review old material…

Class Of ’92 Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner, Café Rouge Holborn, 5 October 2017

Sadly, Nick was not well enough to join the NewsRevue 40th Anniversary party last year:

NewsRevue 40th Anniversary Party, Show & Smoker, Canal Cafe Theatre, 18 August 2019

But actually I’d like to end this piece with two very personal memories of Nick.

In the autumn of 2016 a friend had a show at the Canal Cafe Theatre (about Brexit of all things), so I arranged to go on a Thursday and did a shout out to the NewsRevue crowd that I intended to stay on and watch NewsRevue that evening as well. Nick turned up unannounced and we spent a very enjoyable late evening together at NewsRevue – it felt like the years rolled back, although of course we were not looking out for our own material in that week’s show in November 2016. Click here or below for my write up of that evening:

Brexit The Musical by David Shirreff and Russell Sarre, & NewsRevue, Canal Café Theatre, 17 November 2016

My second memory is of Nick as lyricist…but not businessman. In the early 1990s, many of us were approached by the west-country singer/comedian Ben Murphy for material. Ben performed and recorded much of our stuff.

Ben always needed badgering for the money, but (until the inevitable, final small bad debt) always paid me in the end, in order to obtain more material.

I always assumed that everyone else from NewsRevue must have been handling Ben the same way.

But I recall a conversation with Nick R Thomas some years later (probably around 2004 when we had the 25th anniversary of NewsRevue), when Ben’s name came up and Nick told me that Ben had never paid him. Nick had always assumed that no-one got paid by Ben. I’m not sure how often Nick sent Ben yet more material without first receiving (and banking and clearing) Ben’s cheque for the previous batch.

I think this story proves that Nick was a natural for the arts, whiereas I was a natural for commerce.

Anyway, what does survive (something money could not retrospectively buy) is Ben’s recording of one of my favourite Nick R Thomas lyrics; The Bald Song.

Nick R Thomas was a fine comedy writer and was one of the good guys. I, together with a great many others, will miss him.

A Bit Of A Crisis Christmas, 25 To 26 December 2019

As the years go on, Janie and I have fewer dependents and fewer commitments at this time of year. It is nice to have some time off after the mad rush of work and events at the end of the working year, but we felt this year that we would also like to do something for the community.

Janie did some asking around and basically all roads for Christmas time itself seemed to point towards Crisis. Local projects for homeless and vulnerable people tend to close and/or switch their resources towards the Crisis This Christmas programme, in London for sure, also in several other parts of the UK as well, I believe.

Here is a short Crisis promo video from Christmas 2018:

We thought we might have left it a bit late for volunteering, but as it turned out, by phoning and asking what Crisis particularly needed, we discovered that the night of 25th into 26th December was proving especially hard to staff up with volunteers this year, so we volunteered for that.

One of the largest residential Crisis centres is at a confidential location not at all far from us, so it was an easy decision to opt for that one.

Janie and I meticulously watched the training videos and read the training manual over the weekend ahead of our stint.

I can understand why that particular night shift is a tough one for Crisis to staff; we ate light and stayed off the drink on Christmas Day (some would claim that as a personal bonus) and of course there is no public transport that day, so the fact we are quite close to the location and have wheels helped us get to the location for a 22:00 shift briefing.

Janie and I are not exactly naturals for being general volunteers in a situation that requires volunteers relentlessly to do what they are told. We are used to self-starting, we are used to leading rather than following and (in Janie’s case) independent rather than team working.

Yet the volunteer set up at Crisis seemed to operate like a well oiled machine at our location and on our night. We were told in our pre-shift briefing that the centre was close to capacity with over 240 guests that night. We were told that the 25th to 26th night is sometimes busy by night shift standards, as centres tend to be close to full capacity and the guests have just enjoyed the unusually stimulating day of Christmas itself.

We were also told our shift was down on the preferred number of volunteers (indeed several volunteers from our centre needed to move to another centre which was severely under-staffed), so our shift was staffed by 60 when they would normally aim for 80 to 85. As a result, our breaks would be short and we’d sometimes need to cover a bit more ground than Crisis would ideally choose.

In truth, we enjoyed the fact that we were constantly busy and we had no great desire for long breaks. We did get breaks of sufficient length to freshen up and grab a coffee, which was all we really needed.

We said we wanted to pair as much as possible (all general volunteer sessions are staffed in pairs) and they were able to keep us paired for all but one of our sessions, which worked well.

Janie and I learnt that we can spend a 10 hour shift working together and still talking to each other (just about) by the end of it. More than 27 years together and we’re still learning…

Joking apart, we got a lot out of the experience. A lot of the tasks are relatively low level work but the really important aspect of it is interacting with the guests and helping them to have a positive experience over the holiday days.

The benefits of that experience, hopefully come to fruition in the subsequent days when many – better fed and rested than usual – can take advantage of advisory services which can help get them back on their feet. Some can’t or won’t progress from their life on the streets, but a fair number will.

Talking to the guests was an insightful experience for us too. Some didn’t want to talk about themselves but many did choose to open up to us. Several had fascinating stories; the diversity of backgrounds and experiences they described constantly surprised us.

The post shift review was a very positive experience for us. The shift leaders said they thought we (as a group) had done espcially well, as we had been a relatively small team and that the night, to some extent as a result of our work, had been unusually calm for the Christmas-into-Boxing-Day night.

There had been a few incidents, but they had all been handled well. The most heartwarming story from our shift was the homeless person that one of the outside patrols found sleeping nearby. When he woke up they engaged with him; he had no idea that he was sleeping so close to a Crisis centre. Unusually (as the residential centres normally work on a referral basis only) he was admitted to the centre and hopefully is now benefiting from the services Crisis can offer.

Janie and I are not easily impressed but we did come out of the experience feeling that Crisis is well-organised and doing excellent work for the homeless, not only but especially at this time of year.

Here are is a link to the Crisis site again.

Gresham Society Soirée, Barnard’s Inn Hall, 16 December 2019

Is it really two years since the last Gresham Society Soirée? Yes. I wrote up the previous soirée thusly:

Gresham Society Soirée, Barnard’s Inn Hall, 14 December 2017

This time around, 2019, the programme looked like this:

Unfortunately, my magnum opus for 2019, which marks Sir Thomas Gresham’s 500th birthday, hence The Sir Thomas Gresham 500th Anniversary Song And Dance, was accidentally misnamed as the Sir Richard Gresham themed performance I gave in 2017. But I was able to put people right on that point pretty easily.

But before all of that, Michael Mainelli made a brief appearance to leave soiréeistas in no doubt that the show was about to begin, when he blasted our lug-holes with the sound of his bagpipes.

Michael Mainelli on bagpipes? Well I’ll be blowed!

Mercifully, Part 1 of the soirée was a highly professional and entertaining set by David Jones and Sian Millett, which gave us all plenty of time to recover from the lug-hole blasting and listen to the superb talents of this pair, who are very much becoming Gresham Society soirée favourites.

David & Sian as seen in 2017

David demonstrated his vocal versality with material ranging from lieder to Lehrer. David’s rendering of Hochländisches Wiegenlied by Robert Schumann was a particular delight, not least David’s rendering of the non-Germanic word, “Carlisle” mid song, as was David’s perennial Tom Lehrer favourite The Elements Song, which David can peform better than anyone else I have ever seen attempt it.

Sian’s talents range from grand opera to musicals. Her rendition of Mon Coeur S’ouvre A Ta Voix, with David accompanying on piano rather than the more traditional orchestra backing, brought out the beauty of the melody and the words to my ears, enabling me to enjoy hearing that aria afresh. No recording of Sian and David’s performance, sadly, but those who want now to hear the aria might enjoy the 1961 Callas recording below.

Returning to Sian’s performances, her flirty rendition of I Cain’t Say No was great fun and went down very well with the audience.

Sitting in front of me was Bobbie Scully, with whom I had, in 1984, suffered an unfortunate fit of the giggles, when we accidentally attended a stilted Rodgers and Hammerstein recital, learn more by clicking here or the block below.

Rodgers & Hammerstein, For One Half Only, With Bobbie Scully, Theatre Royal Hanley, 2 September 1984

For the avoidance of doubt, Sian Millett’s soirée performance was absolutely nothing like the stilted recital of the mid 1980s; the audience laughter during Sian’s I Cain’t Say No was very much WITH Sian rather than AT Sian.

The tone changes for Part 2 of the soirée, which brings amateur talent and enthusiasm from within the Gresham Society to the fore. As if to lull us all into a false sense of security, the first couple of items – Robin Wilson on the recorder, followed by a recitation from Under Milk Wood by Martin Perkins – were suitably talent-filled and dignified.

Then it was my turn.

Actually, despite appearances, a fair bit of scholarship went into my piece. I discovered, quite by chance, while researching “Ding Dong Merrily On High” last year for the Z/Yen seasonal function, that Jehan Tabourot, aka Thoinot Arbeau, was a contemporary of Sir Thomas Gresham, the former being listed as either 1519 or 1520 in all sources I could find. Tabourot (under the pseudonym Arbeau) wrote, in the late 16th century, a book, Orchésographie, comprising dance tunes and dance moves he recalled from his youth.

Branle de L’Official, the tune that subsequently was used for Ding Dong Merrily On High, is one such dance from Arbeau’s Orchésographie.

The really strange coincidence about this, is that when I discovered the temporal connection between “Arbeau” and Sir Thomas Gresham, my Googling led me immediately to Ian Pittaway’s website and this superb article:

The pavan, the priest and the pseudonym: ‘Belle qui tiens ma vie’ and Arbeau’s ‘Orchésographie’ (1589)

Ian is my early music teacher. We had been talking in late 2017 about me possibly using Coventry Carol for the 2019 Gresham Society bash, but the Arbeau song and dance possibilities seemed to good an idea to miss.

Fans of Coventry Carol might like to hear Soul Music on BBC Radio 4, which was broadcast on Christmas Day 2019, but is still available through this link, which features Coventry Carol and includes Ian Pittaway talking about the history of the piece and the effect it had on him, with a bit of Ian’s rendition playing in the background.

Anyway, I did test out the song and dance idea with the Z/Yen team in 2018 with predictably hilarious results…

Z/Yen Seasonal Lunch And Brawl, Guildhall, 14 December 2018

…and just over a year later I inflicted same on the Gresham Society – except this time I had tailored the words to suit Thomas Gresham’s 500th birthday.

It would probably be to the benefit of all mankind if the Gresham Society soirée performance of this piece were lost in the mists of time, but unfortunately Basil Bezuidenhout had an accident with his mobile phone and inadvertently video recorded the darned thing.

I must say, the singing from the assembled throng sounds rather good, which is more than can be said for my singing that evening.

For the dance, I ever so slightly simplified the dance moves from this actual facsimile of the 1589 book:

Again, Basil had a mishap with his phone and the dance is recorded for all posterity:

Not much can go wrong in a dance like that, although I notice a couple of us ended up the wrong way round with our partners at the end of the first movement. Many thanks to David Jones for accompanying us on “virginals” and to Sian Millett for her delightful rendering of my silly words while we danced.

Anthony Hodson and David Jones then briefly brought a sense of decorum back to the proceedings with a rendition of the Elgar Romance for Bassoon & Piano, but then Robin Wilson and Tim Connell led the soirée past the point of no return in the matter of decorum. Song sheets that cover some of the residual malarky can be seen by clicking this link.

No such nonsense as the above 2017 rendition of Tinniat Tintinnabulum, dear me no. This year, instead, Robin Wilson lead us in a more ballad-like latin canticle, Reno Erat Rudolphus Nasum Rubrum Habebat

In the tradition of topical comedy, Tim Connell, Mike Dudgeon & Martin Perkins rendered a French Brexit Lament – click here for the text of that pièce de résistance.

After all that, the assembled Gresham Society stalwarts needed reviving with a great deal of food and wine…

…so it was just as well that there were indeed plentiful supplies of both, enabling the remainder of the evening to become a highly convivial party. There was eating, drinking, chatting, laughing and general merriment, without, by that stage, the fear of imminent music, song or dance from over-enthusiastic soiréeistas.

As ever in the company of Gresham Society folk, a thoroughly warm-hearted and enjoyable time was had by all.

A Hat Trick Of Seasonal Events, London Cricket Trust Dinner, Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner & Z/Yen Team Lunch, 11, 12 & 13 December 2019

It seems churlish to complain about too many nice events, but this particular week really did include a surfeit of them for me.

I had already enjoyed the Parasite evening at Curzon Mayfair…

Parasite by Bong Joon-hu, Film Preview & Panel Discussion, Curzon Mayfair, 9 December 2019

…and the Z/Yen 25th anniversary party at The Old Bailey…

25th Z/Yeniversary Alumni Function, The Old Bailey, 10 December 2019

…and it was still only Tuesday.

The three events described in this piece were the Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of the same week.

London Cricket Trust Dinner, Three Cranes, Wednesday 11 December 2019

Duncan Jenkinson, Andy Griffiths, Leshia Hawkins, some bloke in pink Middlesex kit photo-bombing our picture, Ivan Thomas and Me, 16 July 2019

No photos from this event, but the above photo and link is from one of the highlights of the London Cricket Trust’s year – A B de Villiers opening our Deptford Park facility in July.

We thought it would be a good idea to have a meal together after the Trustees meeting this time. We have been gathering now since 2017 planning non-turf pitch and net facilities for London’s parks, without ever breaking bread together…until this evening.

The Three Cranes location in the City worked well for me, giving me the opportunity to clear some work at the office (yes, believe it or not I did also do some work in this event-filled week) before the Trustees meeting at the Three Cranes, which was followed by the joyous meal and libations.

This evening was an excellent opportunity to all get to know each other a bit better. Not just we Trustees, but also the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) people who have been working tirelessly on our intiiative (and participation cricket more generally), plus Ed Griffiths and his team who have been doing so much wonderful pro bono work on behalf of the LCT over the years.

One of many good thoughts that emerged from the evening is that we still haven’t actually watched any professional cricket together; we’re hoping to put that right during the 2020 season.

A very enjoyable evening.

Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner & Trophy Match, Spaghetti House Holborn, Thursday 12 December 2019

It’s been a big year for anniversaries. Not only the Z/Yen 25th (the alumni party for which is linked again here and at the very start of this “hat trick” piece)…

…but also the 40th anniversary of NewsRevue, which had its alumni event during the summer:

NewsRevue 40th Anniversary Party, Show & Smoker, Canal Cafe Theatre, 18 August 2019

One NewsRevue alum who, sadly, only just made it a few months beyond the 20th anniverary of that show was Ivan Shakespeare. We “Class Of ’92” types who were NewsRevue contemporaries of Ivan meet on an irregular occasional basis, three or four times a year, to keep in touch with each other, eat, trade jokes, share bizarre quizzes and also to remember Ivan. We’ve been doing that since mid 2000, a few months after Ivan died.

In the seasonal version of our gathering, the stakes increase markedly and we play one of the quizzes for The Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Trophy. I am proud to be the donor of the original Memorial Trophy, which was first contested in 2002, about 18 months after the dinners started.

It’s a bit like The Ashes, but for comedy writers rather than for cricketers.

Much like The Ashes, the trophy is a thing of exquisite gimcrackness; it’s absence of taste simply has to be seen to be believed:

Observant readers will see that I won that trophy once; in 2004
Some real names from the world of quizzing on there: Hugh Ryecroft for one, Barry Grossman being another.

The problem is, unlike The Ashes, the trophy is inscribed with the winner’s name each year…

…and the original trophy is running out of sensible places for the embazoning of the winner’s name…

…OK, there never were sensible places for the emblazoning, but now we are even running out of silly places to inscribe.

The solution: a new trophy. Acquired through the sort of tenacity that only Graham Robertson could possibly deploy – an eBay purchase which he needed to make twice because the first eBay vendor of tasteless out-of-date royal gimcrack merchandise took Graham’s money and did a runner.

The assembled alums at our new spiritual venue, The Spaghetti House in Holborn, decreed that Mark Keegan, who won the original trophy three times, should become “steward-for-life” of the original trophy.

Mark Keegan, delighted with his original trophy. Graham Robertson looks on, enviously.
Barry Grossman shows off the new trophy…
…then wears one for the team by winning the new trophy this year

As usual I came quite close but no cigar for me in the trophy stakes since 2004. Barry Grossman scooped the glittering prize this year – with sincere commiserations to Barry – he could have been an also-ran, but instead…

It wasn’t all quizzes and trophies; oh no, no, no, no, no, no no. There was plenty of time for eating, drinking, topical humour and some sense-of-irony-sapping politics on what was, after all, an election night.

Moving swiftly on from the will-to-live-depleting topics back to the humour section, John Random produced another set of personalised Christmas crackers this year, based on the BBC Radio 4 programme In Our Time with Melvyn Bragg.

My cracker contained a note posing the intriguing question:

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Frankly, I had no idea and would gladly have said, “no idea”, but for the answer provided, which instead said, in Braggian tones:

With me to discuss what you call a deer with no eyes, I have Ian Harris, Professor of Mammalian Opthalmology at Gresham College and author of In Darkness Let me Dwell – and Professor Jonny Hurst from the University of Manchester, author of Champagne Super Over: Oasis In Popular Culture.

There is sort-of a tradition in recent years for at least one person’s order to go horribly wrong at the festive dinner. This year it Barry Grossman who suffered the indignity of being brought his main at starter time and a starter-sized portion of his chosen main at main course time. The nice waiter did his best to sort things out.

Ironically, Barry went on to win the quiz, as did Jonny Hurst in 2017 when it was his turn to be the brunt of the ritual service humiliation – in those days at Cafe Rogues in Holborn not far from the scene of this year’s crime. That year, 2017, John Random’s personalised crackers had been based on the Moral Maze. He likes his thinky-Radio-4 programmes, does our John.

Anyway, the night of 12 December 2019 will surely be remembered as a great night for NewsRevue alums…and Tories…ironically.

Z/Yen Seasonal Lunch, The Old Bailey, Friday 13 December 2019

Z/Yen team gathered in the Alderman & Sheriff’s apartment

In the world of crime fiction, criminals have a regular, unfortunate tendancy; returning to the scene of the crime. Whether that is true in the real world or not I have no idea. Nor do I have the faintest idea what that point might have to do with this section of this piece.

Anyway, just three days after the Z/Yen Alumni function at The Old Bailey, the current Z/Yen team regrouped in that astonishing building for the staff seasonal lunch.

On this occasion we found ourselves in the smaller function room, used daily for the judges pre-luncheon drinks, after enjoying our pre-lunch drinks in Michael and Elisabeth’s apartment. Once again Sean, their footman, proved his skills as a photographer – thanks Sean.

The meal was a very good one; smoked trout fillet, followed by a posh duck dish, followed by an apple tart-like desert.

The wines tasted suspiciously like those excellent wines we’d enjoyed earlier in the week and seemed suspiciously well food-matched for the lunch, thanks to the combined skills of Gordon Clunie and (in all modesty) me.

Linda produced one of her fiendish seasonal quizzes – let’s not even talk about how badly Simon Mills and I did as a so-called team on that one.

Secret Santa visited (I got some baritone ukulele strings) and Santa also brought everyone a small box of super posh chocolates.

Then the traditional Z/Yen seasonal sing song. Being exceptionally woke for a boomer, I again recycled a previous effort this year, cunningly adding a topical reference ensuring that no-one would realise that it was recycled…

…unless they looked at the copyright years and/or version numbers and/or read this piece. Here is the 2019 version of The 12 Days Of Z/Yen Training. Excellent, was the performance, especially the “Five Forces” motif, which brought tears to my eyes each time around.

It is a fascinating musical phenomenon that this particular song works in so many different keys: C, C#, B, D, D#, A, E, G#, G, F & F#…all at the same time…at least, it did that afternoon.

After the formalities, plenty of informalities with some additional quizzing, singing, chatting and libations until it was chucking out time at The Old Bailey.

Chucking out time at The Old Bailey on a Friday afternoon works remarkably quickly and effectively:

You are welcome to stay on downstairs if you wish…but no-one will be here with the keys to your cell until Monday morning…

…everyone scarpers sharpish at that juncture.

Some ventured on for more libations at a local hostelry, but after five events in five days, all I could think about was getting home and lying down for a good few hours.

25th Z/Yeniversary Alumni Function, The Old Bailey, 10 December 2019

Put out the bunting! Charge the wine glasses. Z/Yen is 25 years old.

Can it really be that long since I formed Z/Yen with a small group of reprobates, not least Michael Mainelli? Yes.

Naturally the event has been reported in Now & Z/Yen, the company’s occasional newsletter/blog, (also now aged 25 and counting), click here for that report.

Preparations for the alumni do started some months before the event. Not least, the creation of a gimcrack exhibition worthy of the Victoria & Albert museum:

An early, experimental attempt some days before the event

Given the sizeable quantities of stock remaining for some Z/Yen gimcrack artefacts, we decided that the alums “deserved” goody bags on leaving this event.

Oh goody

Janie and I got to the location in good time, mostly because I deliberately over-estimated the journey duration for Janie’s benefit.

I showed Janie 20 old Bailey, where Michael and I worked prior to Z/Yen, plus the front of The Old Bailey. Somewhat ominously, 20 old Bailey is now home to Barings Bank & Metro Bank, among others.

While Janie and I were sightseeing outside the building, Linda Cook was busy adding a celebratory touch by putting out bunting based on a very early Z/Yen photo of me, Michael, Steve Taylor and Kate Carty (latterly Kate Taylor) – see headline picture and detail picture below.

I’m a little concerned on Linda’s behalf that the bunting (as seen in the headline picture) seems to be overhanging the portrait of Her Maj a little. There might well be a by-law in The Old Bailey that such disrespect to the monarch constitutes high treason and all that such a crime entrails…I mean, entails.

Joking apart, Michael gave those of us who chose to arrive early a fascinating, but at times somewhat grizzly, history talk about and tour around The Old Bailey.

Aldermansplaining The Old Bailey

Photos are not permitted on the tour. We sat in Court One for much of the talk. Elisabeth sat in the dock, while Janie and I sat in the jury seats. We found Elisabeth guilty on the grounds of looking a bit nervous in the dock…but then who wouldn’t with me and Janie beaming at them from the jury seats?

We also saw Court Six and the very grand main lobby. There is one place on the staircase where photos are permitted. Sean (Michael’s shrieval footman) turns out to be a dab hand at photography and kindly took the following:

By the time we tourists returned to the judges dining room to join the rest of the function, another twenty or so guests had arrived, so the party went into full swing…

…such full swing that Linda and Janie stopped taking photos, so you’ll simply have to imagine the drinks, canapes, bowls of yummy food and revelry.

In the run up to the event, I had been Ogblogging like fury, generating a three-part chronicle of Z/Yen’s conception and birth. Michael and I delivered a brief summary of that chronicle as a double-act on the night – click here for the pdf.

If you want to read the full three-parter, try the links within the pdf or the block links below:

Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe First Part – Sumer Is Icomen In, Spring 1994
Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe Second Part: Mirie It Is While Sumer Ilast, Summer 1994
Þe Chronique Of Primordyall Z/Yen: Þe Third Part: Windes Blast & Weder, Autumn 1994

I also sang the very first Z/Yen song, with the help of the assembled staff and alums who acted as the choir. Click here for a pdf of the lyric.

After that brief interlude, we all returned to eating, drinking and making merry.

It was a really enjoyable event, not least because it was such a well-organised event at such an interesting venue, but more particularly because it was so lovely to see so many Z/Yen folk past and present, all assembled and enjoying spending time together. Moved, I was.