Category: Writing (my writing)

I credited this VE Day celebrations medley to “cast” as well as me, so I must have spent some time consulting with the cast over their wishes. In my view, this was mostly padding for the Wheel Vera Lynn song – click here or below.

Wheel Vera Lynn, NewsRevue Lyric And Beyond, 24 April 1995

VE DAY MEDLEY

(A medley to various World War Two tunes)

VOICEOVER: And now we join another relic of a byegone era: one of the many street parties celebrating VE Day.

 

THE STREET PARTIES OF DOVER
(To the tune of “The White Cliffs of Dover”)

There’ll be no Krauts over,
The white cliffs of Dover,
Cos they’re not invited to VE;
There’ll be Frogs and Yankees,
And street parties, frankly,
We’re all bored with this Jubilee.

SPAM FRITTERS SPAM
(To the tune of “Run Rabbit Run”)

Spam fritters, spam fritters, spam, spam, spam,
This VE day stuff’s a sham, sham, sham;
Bang, bang, bang, that war nostalgia drum,
And stuff powdered egg in your tum, tum, tum.

WE’LL HAVE TUMMY ACHE TOMORROW
(To the tune of “It’s a Lovely Day Tomorrow”)

We’ll have tummy ache tomorrow,
Tomorrow all our guts will drag;
There’ll be pancrititis and gastro-enteritis,
Tomorrow we’ll have urine bags.

The Ben Murphy medley adapts the above material so much I think we can only claim it to have been “inspired by”, but he does a great job with the VE Labour items – click here for the Ogblog of those and of course Wheel Vera Lynn.

In case there’s anyone who doesn’t recognise the original numbers, here are some YouTubes with lyrics.

Strangely, the following year I re-presented the medley 1 May 1996 as a 1996 local election remix – it is marked Version 2 but I cannot see much if any the difference:

LABOUR DAY – LOCAL ELECTIONS 1996 REMIX
(A medley to various World War Two tunes)

 

IN THE LOCAL COUNCIL POLLS
(To the tune of “The Quartermaster’s Stores”)

There was Blair, Blair, winning fair and square,
In the polls, in the polls;
There was Blair, Blair, every-bloody-where,
In the local council polls.
My eyes are dim I cannot see,
A single Tory victory,
I can’t see one Tory victory.

 

EASE UP GORDON BROWN
(To the tune of “Knees Up, Mother Brown”)

Ease up Gordon Brown, ease up Gordon Brown,
Labour councils won the rout,
Chucked a load of Tories out;
All you do is grimace,
All you do is frown,
Ease up, ease up, join in our knees up,
Ease up Gordon Brown.

ROLL OUT THE TORIES
(To the tune of “Roll Out The Barrel”)

Roll out the Tories,
See what the Tories have done;
Roll out the Tories,
We’ve got those Blues on the run;
Read lots of stories,
About their former careers;
Its sex and cash and arms with Tories,
But now it’s Labour’s year!!

Then 29 June 1997, I wrote another “variant”, barely distinguishable from the first version:

LABOUR DAY – 1997 ELECTION REMIX
(A medley to various World War Two tunes)

 

IN THE OLD OPINION POLLS
(To the tune of “The Quartermaster’s Stores”)

There was Blair, Blair, winning fair and square,
In the polls, in the polls;
There was Blair, Blair, every-bloody-where,
In the old opinion polls.
My eyes are dim I cannot see,
A single Tory victory,
I can’t see one Tory victory.

 

EASE UP GORDON BROWN
(To the tune of “Knees Up, Mother Brown”)

Ease up Gordon Brown, ease up Gordon Brown,
Labour party’s done the rout,
Chucked the bleedin’ Tories out;
All you do is grimace,
All you do is frown,
Ease up, ease up, join in our knees up,
Ease up Gordon Brown.

ROLL OUT THE TORIES
(To the tune of “Roll Out The Barrel”)

Roll out the Tories,
See what the Tories have done;
Roll out the Tories,
We’ve got those Blues on the run;
Read lots of stories,
About their former careers;
Its sex and cash and arms with Tories,
But now New Labour’s here!!

 

I don’t think this got used much, if at all. Slow ones need to be so spot on, as the laughs still need to come fast enough.

Good lyric, though, worth the read at least for a few of the lines. Talking of “read”, the line about Lou Reed’s demise is far more topical now (2017) than it was in 1995.

POSY BAND
(To the Tune of “Perfect Day”)

VERSE 1

Just a posy band,
They’re known as Duran Duran,
Just like Barbarella’s man,
In that flick.
Such a posy band,
They wear New Romantic shoes,
Gauche tunics and weird hairdos,
Makes us sick.

CHORUS 1

Cos they’re a pretentious band,
We thought at last they had gone;
Bog off Duran Duran,
With that git Simon Le Bon,
Don’t you hate that Simon Le Bon,

VERSE 2

Just a pompous band,
How come they are still at large?
It’s years since we’ve seen Visage,
Or Japan.
Such a painful band,
Should’ve died out like Frankie Valli,
More stuck up than Spandau Ballet,
That Duran (Duran).

CHORUS 2

And it’s such a putrid disk,
Sung without zeal really slow;
It’s an appalling disk,
With a ghastly video,
Don’t you wish those arseholes would go.

OUTRO

You’ll make Lou Reed turn in his grave;
(GIT 1: I didn’t realise Lou Reed was dead.)
(GIT 2: Well, effectively dead.)
(GIT 3: Is now.)
You’ll make Lou Reed turn in his grave.

Here is Lou Reed rendering the wonderful song, Perfect Day, with lyrics in the description: