Jeff said that he’d cut a strip for our evening game…he REALLY cut a strip
(All photos kindly supplied by Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett)
So much has been written about the astonishing Ashes series of 2005, not least the extraordinary match at Edgbaston. We Heavy Rollers were fortunate enough to witness the first two days of that classic match.
Yet one aspect of our wonderful experience of that match was truly unique to us Heavy Rollers: the evening and night before the test at “Tye Towers”, Big Papa Zambezi Jeff’s Bedfordshire residence, where we played cricket, enjoyed a magnificent barbeque and bonded like a band of brothers.
Our banner unfurled that afternoon, before we played
Make no mistake – Jeff’s wonderful offer to provide us all with accommodation that night and to turn his garden into a temporary cricket ground and barbeque venue was not our only option. Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett had blagged us into the Edgbaston Cricket Centre for an hour in the nets that evening. Who knows how Chas used to pull off such coups? But we ended up rejecting Edgbaston’s kind offer in favour of Jeff’s place.
A King Cricket piece describing the choice of venue for our pre test yard cricket was published in April 2024 – click here. Just in case anything ever goes awry at King Cricket, here is a scrape of that piece.
Jeff’s Bar and barbeque backdropJeff showing off the bar
I’m pretty sure that I journeyed to Jeff’s place reasonably early in the afternoon with Charley and Nick. For several years, Charles would kindly arrange to meet me at a suitably convenient Central Line station (was it Redbridge or Gants Hill or Newbury Park?) and then we’d travel up together. I’d get a train home. There would sometimes be lively debate as to the music we would listen to on these journeys. I might be mistaken, but I have a feeling that Neil Young had some prominence as the in car entertainment that year.
Anyway, for sure we three were all at Tye Towers quite early, as evidenced by the photographs Chas took mid to late afternoon.
There’s me, in whites, sorting out the stumps. Jeff supervising, Nick indifferent
I have no idea what the following picture of Nigel is about. Presumably he was owed ticket money by some and was much relieved to have received it.
Or is this evidence of yard cricket match fixing?
Once the yard cricket got underway, Chas put away his camera until the after match festivities, so we have no images of the pitch once it was completed, nor of the action.
Memory will have to serve for the match itself and I might well need the help of others.
I believe I can compile a complete list of the people who played:
David “David Peel” Steed;
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil;
Me;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
Dan “Dan Peel” Steed;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
Geoff “Tufty Geoff” Young (the only participant who did not also attend the match with us).
In the matter of playing conditions, I recall that we had some additional fielders to try and keep the batsmen honest:
The roller depicted in the above photograph, fielding at slip to the right-handed batsman;
In front of the flag pole, a mermaid statue (or something of that ilk) – those two objects combined to field at leg slip to the right-handed batsman.
Hitting one of those artefacts on the full was deemed to be out caught.
I contrived to get caught by the statue on one occasion. Lots of people had near misses with the roller and possibly even the odd dismissal on the off side, but I think I was alone in managing to strangle one to the mermaid.
Harish had an especially good evening at Tye Towers, as did Tufty Geoff, who was one of those irritatingly excellent yet self-effacing cricketers who tended to hide himself in the lower reaches of the Tufty Stackpole team yet consistently perform well for them when needed. Here and below is a link to a report on a subsequent Tufty match :
Anyway, Tufty Geoff won the trophy that year, for both bating and bowling, while Harish picked up a “man of the match” or “play of the day” award, I think for his bowling. Indeed I think Harish pulled off several fine dismissals including my strangle down the leg side snaffled up by a statuesque fielder.
Tufty Geoff picking up his miniscule trophy from meHarish collecting his slightly larger trophy from yours truly
Nigel reflects on the match and trophies as follows:
Can’t recall who was snaffled by the inert metal object but someone certainly was.
Jeff was equally displeased when I picked out the roof of his prized cabin-bar for two “maximums” using my prized Hansie Cronje Rawalpindi bat. I expected glory not abuse! (Sadly I never owned a bat during my playing days and can only wonder what my numbers might have been if such equipment had come my way earlier? The bat was given to Hansie who didn’t like it so gave it to his brother who became the pro at Todmorden where it fell into the hands of my brother then me). Chas had earlier compared my running style between wickets to that of a “trotting pony”. Maybe that provoked some big hitting?
I supplied the trophies. It was a last minute decision. One each for batting and bowling. Having called in to a modest local establishment it was a question of enquiring “what have you got that I can take now?” Consequently the quality of the awards left much to be desired despite the price. So, it was no surprise that one of them required a small repair before it left for Bedford, thus provoking the comment, “you were done” from Liz Tye while we were preparing for the tournament.
I recall your comment after calculating the final scores, if not verbatim. “Perhaps there should be some recognition for the runner up?” Because the same player came a close second in both categories. (Clue- it wasn’t Harish). So near but……….
Looking again at the awards ceremony photos, I seem to be tucking in to a glass of full-bodied red wine there, which, given the very little I can remember about the rest of the evening (other than that delightful, oblivious, impressionistic sense that we were having a wonderful time) must have been pretty good.
Dan Steed recalls the event as follows:
My favourite Heavy Roller memory! What a few days, starting with such a wonderful afternoon/evening!
Well worth the trip from the edge of Birmingham to drive back to Birmingham the next day for the first two days of the “Greatest Test”!
Oh and the Banoffee pie….wow ?, and watching a combine harvester at work at some late hour!
At this juncture we should recognise the enormous contribution that Liz Tye made to that wonderful evening, in the background, producing much of the food – not least Dan’s beloved banofee pie, and generally being a “hostess with the mostess” in every way.
The next few photos show the barbeque and festivities in full sway. I think we have used enough words to conjure a sense of the mood.
The next morning, it seems that Chas got up early and went for a stroll around the estate taking some more photos. I’ll use those in the next piece, but here and below is a link to all of the photos Chas took at Tye Towers, both the evening of 3rd August and the morning of 4th August:
How did it come to pass that I could find no written record of this match in my computer archive files, nor are there any pictures from that match in Charley “The Gent” Malloy’s photo archive?
It wasn’t even listed on the canonical list of articles and snippets about Children’s Society matches, which I produced for Charley towards the end of that decade.
Yet, in my memory, that 2005 match was one of the greatest of all, with the most exciting climax.
Roll the clock forward 13-14 years to late 2018. James Sharp, editor of the Googlies and Chinamen Journal, who often syndicates my King Cricket and Ogblog articles, approached me to see if he could have first use of a yet unpublished piece. I offered, among other ideas, to write up of this “lost match”. James jumped at the idea of this one.
So I put my thinking cap on, tried to recall as much as I could about a charity game from all those years ago and made a few notes. The strange thing was, the story of the match itself came out of my mind with quite a strong narrative line – as it would if I were recalling an article I had written, rather than a collection of vague, distant memories.
I also dug out written material and photos from the equivalent fixtures from 2004 and 2006.
The Children’s Society Team, North Crawley, July 2004
There’s Charley The Gent Malloy in the centre of the front row. There’s me with the bandanna (but no beard back then) in the back row. Harsha Goble to my left. Mat The Tazzy to Charley’s left. I shall introduce some other characters as the 2005 match story unfolds.
I realise that there is a proper write up of the 2004 match to be written in the fullness of time – a lot of material for that match, currently unwritten, has returned to my head as a result of researching 2005. It was interesting to say the least. But I digress.
The Children’s Society Supporters, North Crawley, July 2004 . Back row l-r: The Boy Malloy, Mrs Malloy, Daisy. Front row l-r: Bananarama Monkey-Face, Hippity The Green Bunny.
I’m pretty sure the loyal 2004 supporters were all there in 2005 as well. Daisy for sure was there but is studiously unwilling or unable to remember anything much about 2005, other than the fact that we gave a lift to Mat The Tazzy and his new girlfriend that year. Neither of us could remember the girl’s name, nor what she looked like – this 2005 cricket match would have been our one and only sighting of her. I wonder if Mat even remembers.
Anyway, in my efforts to research this piece, I decided to resort to an e-mail trawl. That would surely find a July 2005 e-mail that, at the very least. would include clues as to who played for The Children’s Society. It did.
But, far more importantly, my eyes just happened to glance at a subsequent e-mail to Charles, in January 2006, entitled:
Re: That Tufty Match Report
It transpires that I did, sort-of write up a match report at the time – indeed the very next day – on the Ultra Cricket discussion forum.
Back then, I used to participate in an on-line cricket game entitled Ultra Cricket, which also had an on-line discussion forum for the friendly and intelligent community of cricket lovers who congregated around that game. The site was run by Tim Astley, an Englishman (I think) who lived (possibly still lives) in Tasmania. When Tim decided to shut his site down, I struggled to find another general cricket on-line community which pleased me, until I came across King Cricket, which I grew very fond of, very quickly and where I still hang out to this day.
It seems that, back in 2005, I simply mind-dumped an idiosyncratic (or perhaps I should say self-centred) write up of the Tufty match on the Ultra Cricket forum without so much as a scrape for my archive nor even a send on to my friends at the time. Unlike me.
Here is the note I sent to Charley the Gent in January 2006:
Charles Would you believe that since we spoke I have: ¨ Ascertained that the Ultra Cricket forum in question has been archived ¨ Ascertained that I did not keep a copy of the write up (silly me, silly mistake, won’t do that again) ¨ E-mailed Tim Astley in Tasmania who must have better things to do at 10:00 p.m. ¨ He has rescued the piece from his old server and sent it to me – I owe him, I owe him ¨ So here it is
(Can’t think why I didn’t send it to you at the time, except the euphoria of Edgbaston only a few days later made it all seem to pale somewhat)
Cheers Ian
Here is my contemporaneous but self-centred write up of the 2005 Tufty match, as posted on the Ultra Cricket Forum and rescued by Tim Astley.
Match report dated 1 August 2005
Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society at North Crawley 31 July 2005.
Thought I’d report on our annual 40 overs a side charity match 31 July 2005. Tufty Stackpole (them) against The Children’s Society (us). It was a cracker!!
They batted first. Started slowly but then built steadily. They took advantage of the fact that one of our two main seamers broke down after 3 overs. As a result, we didn’t take enough wickets early doors and had to resort to 6th and 7th bowling options. They posted 254.
I’m asked to open the batting “to try and take some shine off the ball and see off their strike attack”. Managed to survive 12 or so overs, much of it using the “Geoff Boycott method for playing Glenn McGrath” (get t’single and watch from t’other end) against their best bowler, although I did straight drive him for 4 once – the best shot I have ever played and probably ever will. Made 14 at a strike rate of 40/45ish. Got out to the dibbly leg-side spinner as usual. Disappointed to get out (as always) but job done.
Even our better batsmen found it really hard on a low slow wicket that was getting lower and slower, until we found ourselves c60/3 off 20, requiring nearly 10 an over off the last 20 overs. Twenty20 here we come. By this stage, I was umpiring.
Slowly but surely our better batsmen got going, not least an enormous Saffer who also bowled and fielded superbly and who decided the best way to deal with this problem was in sixes off their medium pacers. Cars in the car park, sheds and conservatories in neighbouring gardens took a battering. It was awesome to watch from the umpire’s position.
However, the run rate required stubbornly hovered around 11 or 12 for a long time and we lost a couple of wickets at the other end. After 37 overs we had 225 for 5 so needed 30 off 3 and then we lost the big Saffer. 28 off 16 balls required, one real batsman left and numbers 10 and 11 are the side-strained bowler and a decent batsman who dislocated a finger fielding who was only to bat “if absolutely necessary”.
13 runs off the next 10 balls was OK, but 15 runs off the last over seemed a big ask of tail enders. I thought we were done for.
But the pressure is also on the bowler, and although he was good enough to clean bowl “The Big Saffer” he could also bowl a couple of wides which were runnable, so we ended up needing 4 from the last ball and then (after a run wide) 2 from the last ball. The first run was taken comfortably for the tie and of course the boys tried to scramble the win. I was required to make the uncomfortable but honest decision to run out one of his own brave guys to determine the match as a tie off the last ball.
254 for both sides. But as we won the trophy last year, the tie meant that we retained the trophy.
Far and away the most exciting game of cricket I have ever played in. And of course Janie maintains her fine tradition of witnessing last over thrillers when she attends one-day games.
How many people ever witness two tied matches in one season (the other being the ODI final between England and Australia a few weeks ago)?
But today, to put it politely, I’m knackered.
Ian Harris
Charley The Gent chimed in with some idiosyncratic (or do I mean self-centred) points of his own:
Hello Ian.
Absolutely wonderful – it brought it all back, floooooding back!! and what a great bloke Tim is (who ever he is – and why on his server in Tasmania of all places!)
If I had to nit pick!! no mention of the other opening bowler who had is best 5 over spell EVER! and the other opening batsman who took all (well nearly all) of the most aggressive fast bowler, who had a strange habit of staring at the batsman after each ball (and others at the same time! ) there was a lot about you in the report!
The only tactical error this opening bowler, opening bat and Captain (is there anything I do not do on the pitch?) was to let Mat bowl – but he did want to showboat to his girl friend!!
I do agree it was the best match ever and in the best year ever for English Cricket – which we all were are a part of.
Thanks for retrieving this (and to Tim!)
Charles
What else can and should I add to these contemporaneous gems from the archive? Well, strangely, there are some other memories I think worthy of note.
It transpires that the 2005 fixture was due to be a home match for The Children’s Society. Kyle The Offie (seen in the 2004 team photo second from the left with ball in hand) had tried to organise a ground for us in Tower Hamlets or Newham but had been let down at very short notice. Fortunately, the North Crawley CC ground was available that Sunday, so we (once again) presumed on the wonderful Tufty Stackpole hospitality and organised transport at the last minute.
Divan The Big Saffer, who came as part of Heinrich the Gangmaster’s seemingly limitless collection of sporty Saffers, became a bone of contention in future matches. He was SO big and SO strong – he played rugby for London Irish if I recall correctly – even when he tried to rein it in, his bowling terrorized the less experienced players who might join in the fun – e.g. in Z/Yen against Children Society matches.
But for the Tufty match Divan, was high class but certainly not “beyond class” and he was the saviour of the day in several ways. Not only was it his good contribution with the ball and massive contribution with the bat that turned the match into a last-ball thriller, but it was in his capacity as a sports physio that he sorted out poor RBK’s dislocated finger…
…a dislocation so extreme it made the poor lad’s hand look like something from an alien species, until Divan relocated it. Daisy was getting ready to take RBK to A&E but Divan said “let me look at it” and just…dealt with it.
“Are you sure?…” said Daisy, who is, after all, somewhat of a professional digit person. “Yes”, said Divan, “it’s what I do”, and then wandered back to his fielding position in the outfield. Classic.
The other element of this match that deserves some extrapolation is Mat Tazzy’s grandstanding for his new girlfriend. Charley was quite right that Mat should not have bowled – ever. In fact, Mat should never have taken off his wicket-keeping gloves. He was an exceptional keeper – had been on Somerset’s books for several years although left before progressing from Second XI to full County representation – way above our level. But that day he wanted to show off to his new girlfriend and hang around a bit in the outfield – so I think Harsha took the gloves for an hour or more that match.
Unfortunately Mat’s grandstanding also extended to his batting that match, so unlike the previous year’s equivalent fixture, when his heroics were a major contribution to us winning the match, in 2005 Mat got out having a swipe for glory far too early in the piece.
I wish I could remember the identity of our strike bowler who broke down early and then needed to help slog out the last few runs…along with poor old RBK who did need to bat with that dislocated/relocated finger and swallow some dirt while diving for the last run scramble.
When this extended piece gets a wider reading and circulation, perhaps some of those who were at the match will read it, remember and help me to fill in some of these details.
On the matter of that final ball run out; Mat Tazzy, along with several members of our team, maintained that they didn’t think that the wicket-keeper put down the wicket correctly in executing the run out and that I, as the adjudicating square-leg umpire, should have adjudged the run to have been made and the match won rather than tied.
I am convinced that I saw the keeper swipe his arms above the stumps, without dislodging anything, to take the ball and then swipe the stumps with his arms once the ball was in his gloves. I had by far the best view of all the post-match pundits on that subject – apart from the keeper who I think an honest fellow and who was adamant that my reading of the event was spot on. But I was shaking like a leaf with excitement as we came off the field, so perhaps I didn’t look as credible an umpire as I should have looked.
One final, self-centred point. I said in my contemporaneous report that I thought my straight drive for four off “Cooperman” was the best shot I have ever played and probably ever will. 13 to 14 years on, I haven’t played a shot that comes close to comparing with my memory of it.
From Charley’s Archive, 2003 – It’s funny how some people can look the part and play with passion, without really bringing much ability to the party at all
Similarly, when I said then “far and away the most exciting game of cricket I have ever played in”, it is fair now to add, “and probably ever will”, to that thought too.
Today, Janie and I were battling out the tightest of sets of tennis, as oft we do. We ended the match at 5-5 as a tie. We tend to do that if the scores are level at 5-5 or 6-6. Janie and I believe in ties.
Of course there is a huge difference between amateur sport and professional sport. But Janie also felt strongly that the 2019 world cup should similarly have been determined as a tie and shared between England and New Zealand. I’m not 100% sure; it certainly isn’t the modern way for tournaments.
But on the way home from our epic tennis tied match today, my mind wandered to a match that Janie and I witnessed in that glorious and exciting summer of cricket that was 2005. We went to Lord’s to see the final of the one day international (ODI) tri-series between Australia, Bangladesh and England; a final between England and Australia that ended as a tie.
How was that tie resolved, I wondered. I couldn’t remember. So I looked it up.
In fact, back in 2005, the playing conditions for that tri-series – presumably agreed between the three nations but ultimately under the auspices of the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) rather than the International Cricket Council (ICC) – determined that final as a tie if the scores were level after 50 overs.
England and Australia shared the trophy.
No super over (I don’t recall ever seeing those back then), no boundaries count back (I don’t recall seeing that until this most recent ICC World Cup), no priority to the team with the most wickets remaining at the end of their innings (that method had been discredited quite early in the Duckworth- Lewis era as anathema to the mathematical logic of wickets and overs as being algorithmic-equivalent resources that can become exhausted).
It had been a great match, that 2005 ODI final. At first we thought England were way ahead…
…even when Australia crawled back to post 196 runs…
…until England ended up 33/5 and we thought England had blown it…
…until England somehow managed to crawl back to 196/9, securing a couple of leg byes off the last ball to tie the match.
Perhaps others in the crowd thought differently, but Janie and I left the ground feeling thoroughly satisfied with our day’s entertainment, the thrills and spills of the ebb and flow…
…and a feeling that justice had been done to a hard-fought match when the trophy was shared for a tie.
Who would have won on a super over? We’ll never know.
Who would have won on boundary count-backs? Australia.
Who would have won on the basis of fewer wickets lost? England.
Who gives a fig how the match would have been determined if the playing conditions had been different? Only a pedant, really, as either or both teams might have played the final few balls differently if other playing conditions were being applied.
It was a summer of fine margins, really. England prevailed in the tournament that really mattered, the Ashes…
Later that summer… (thanks to Charles Bartlett for the picture)
…we were there that day too – the final day of the 2005 Ashes series – to be Ogblogged in the fullness of time. But that Ashes win came as a result of a drawn match at the end and a couple of really tight finishes, especially the Edgbaston test (also to be Ogblogged in the fullness).
The key takeaway (for those unwilling to click) is that I did not think anything like as highly of this book. I did enjoy Ed’s third book, What Sport Tells Us About Life, but that is another story.
My second commission from MTWD was to review each of Ed Smith’s first two books. Ed had been signed by Middlesex in the autumn of 2004.
I had been meaning to read Playing Hard Ball for some time anyway, so the commission was a good excuse to read that one.
I got to know Ed quite well that summer of 2008, when he was injured and sitting around the pavilion a lot second half of the season. Coincidentally, he and his then girlfriend (now his wife) Becky lived just around the corner from me in W2. I would run into him/them occasionally in the neighbourhood for a few years after that injury forced his early retirement from the game.
This was a super event; both the restaurant and the preceding gallery visit. Click here to see, on The Internet Archive, the book that accompanied the fascinating Eyes Lies & Illusions exhibition.
RSJ’s was an old haunt/stomping ground of mine, dating back to the 1980s. It wasn’t quite a private room, more like a mezzanine section/area, which detracted a little from that “private party, let your hair down” atmosphere we tended to aim for.
Not that it stopped people from enjoying themselves. It was a very popular event that year.
I think the lack of privacy meant that, I’m pretty sure, we skipped the song that year, but we didn’t skip the giving of gimcrack and an early incarnation of Secret Santa. Had the “Linda Quiz” tradition started yet? The answer to that question might need some silicon dating or some other form of computer data forensics.
During the summer of 2004 I discovered the Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) website and started corresponding with people through that on-line community’s message board. I decided to use Janie (Daisy’s) pet name/nickname for me, Ged Ladd, as my moniker on MTWD.
That autumn, the site moderators (in those nascent days David Slater, Kevin Ziants and Jeremy Horne) electronically “tapped me up” and asked if I would contribute some editorial pieces for the winter. I think we even met up that autumn to discuss matters. Part of the deal with the sites host, Sportnetwork, is that you must provide regular (at least fortnightly) editorial, otherwise the site (including the popular message boards) gets shut down. The minimum editorial requirement is easy to meet during the season (e.g. with match reports), but the long off-season presented a problem for the moderators at that time (and as I understand it, still presents a problem today, 2016 as I write).
Anyway, I enjoy writing articles and was happy to oblige. My first contribution was a “career tombstone” piece when Sven Koenig, one of Middlesex’s gritty opening batsmen, decided to hang up his boots. Word reached me later that Sven had seen the piece and rather liked it, as indeed he should.
The highlight, in my view, is the statistical device that indicated that it was not the colour of the ball (white or red) that affected Sven’s batting average, but the colour of his clothing, presumably for sartorial rather than cricketing reasons. Strangely, no cricket administrator seems to have picked up this theory and run with it since when assessing other dapper cricketers. I cannot imagine why not.
Janie and I formed part of a very sparse crowd for this National League match, which was meant to be 45 overs-a-side, in 2004.
The crowd was especially sparse because the game, which had been scheduled for the Sunday, was moved to a reserve day on the Monday because Leicestershire found themselves in the final (and indeed winners) of the almost new Twenty20 tournament that year.
But Janie and I had booked a day off that Monday anyway and the weather was deceptively good earlier in the day.
I remember only a few details about this match; Janie remembers less. I do recall sitting at the front of the Tavern Stand, with Darren Stevens fielding right in front of us.
Slightly later image, here with Glenn Hoddle of all people, from: https://www.londoncounty.co.uk/blog/2010/06/19/in-praise-of-darren-stevens/
Daisy (Janie) wanted to know about Leicestershire’s celebrations and party after their cup-winning success a couple of days earlier.
For a while, Darren Stevens played Daisy’s questions with a characteristically straight bat. But Daisy’s line of questioning and her persuasive manner can bamboozle even the most seasoned batsman. Eventually he failed to pick her metaphorical doosra, which was expressed roughly in the form…
Oh go on, you can tell me, I won’t tell anyone…
…at which point he spilled a few beans about the celebrations and party – now long-since forgotten by us, even if that victorious night remains memorable to him. The details he passed on will have been mere crumbs.
Still, when the rain came to interrupt Middlesex’s rather poor innings before it might well have in any case been brought to a premature end, Janie and I took refuge in the Middlesex Room.
There we and a few other refugees from the rain joined “the Middlesex gossips”, as I used to describe the regulars who tended to reside in that room.
I vaguely remember Auntie Janet expressing an interest in Mark Cleary, although Ottis Gibson and Claude Henderson had been the pick of the Leicestershire bowlers that day. I think this day might have been the only time I saw Charlie Dagnall bowl.
As it became clear that the weather was clearing up and that the Leicestershire innings would go ahead, reduced to 20 overs due to rain, the mood among the Middlesex fans became quite pessimistic.
“It’ll be a Twenty20 innings for them and they are the Twenty20 champions; we don’t stand a chance”, was the prevailing view. We (Middlesex) were offering a pretty depleted bowling attack that day too, due to injuries, wear and tear restings etc.
But Daisy’s view was laden with inside information:
I’m not so sure – they had one heck of a party to celebrate their cup win on Saturday, which by the sound of it went deep into yesterday…
Ever true to his word, David Steed indeed booked a minibus for our transport that year, in the light of our increased size of group. Here is the picture, presumably taken by Anita, of us all dressed up and ready to go first thing on that first morning, at Wadderton:
Of course there would have been many bants about drinks muling, as had been the case in previous years, but I think the consensus by 2004 was that most muling was likely to get caught. Thus only the expert did the muling – a wine box (outer removed of course) disguised as a cool bag bottom.
I suspect this trick doesn’t work any more, but here are photos of the operation in process:
David will have been describing the picnic contents in a quickfire patter styleeGang-master Jeff looks smug and satisfied
Jeff took on the role of mastermind rather than implementer in the matter of the prediction game too. I remember getting a call from him early in the morning of 28th, while I was getting ready to leave the flat.
JEFF: Ian, it’s Jeff here. I’ve screwed up. I cannot lay my hands on a prediction game template and need to go out now. I know you did one for Trent Bridge – any chance you could print it out for Edgbaston this year? It’ll be the devil’s job to try and get it done at Wadderton.
ME: I’m rushing to set off this morning too…but leave it with me…
…which Jeff did…for the rest of all time.
By 9:02 on 28 July (according to the meta-data), I had produced this masterpiece, which became the base template for all subsequent Edgbaston trips. Please note the correct spelling of Edgbaston & everything:
Not entirely suited to the nine player version of the game, but still
The next picture was taken just over an hour into the match. Note that our regular seats in the Priory Stand had a splendid view of the notorious Eric Hollies Stand while being a very safe distance from it. Even the 12th man seemed to be eyeing the Hollies with suspicion, while Bananarama Monkey-Face tried to sneak into any photo he possibly could photo bomb.
At lunch we peruaded a friendly steward, quite possibly Paul Guppy, to take a group photo of us:
Later in the lunch hour, Chas must have gone for one of his traditional lunchtime strolls, observing some cultural appropriation of Caribbean music:
My memory and the official record is silent on the delights that David served up to us for dinner on the Thursday evening. We won’t have been all that hungry because a David Steed Wadderton picnic left little room for dinner. It will have been very tasty, whatever it was. Everyone will have been in excellent spirits – England was doing extremely well.
Harish looks very happy indeedI think the player kindly giving Chas the thumbs up is Jermaine Lawson
At lunchtime Chas must have wandered over to the book signing, but whether he commissioned a private message about London buses and pigeons from Blowers, or simply took a photo of him plying his trade in audiobooks, I suspect is lost in the mists of time.
Following the coup with Nigel and Jeff the previous year, getting into the pavilion for a session or so (click here or below)…
…Chas couldn’t resist trying the same wheeze again – seemingly with some success.
Matthew Hoggard going in to batAndrew Flintoff returning with a daddy-hundred to his name
If you look very closely at the above photo, you can see, in the distance, the number ten batsman striding towards the crease. That is a young James Anderson and this was our first (but far from our last) sighting of him as Heavy Rollers.
We had a wonderful time in 2004, as always, but I do recall a sense that 2004 was an especially good one. I don’t think any of us realised at the time that we were at the dawn of a golden era for England as a cricket team and The Heavy Rollers as a motley band of visiting enthusiasts.
If you want to see all the pictures, including scans of the prediction game results sheets (surely everyone will want to know, as much as anything else, how I cunningly accounted for nine players on an eight-column template), you can see it all in the Flickr album linked here and below:
I’m not sure why The Heavy Rollers became, for a few years, a significantly bigger and bolder event. Part of a natural life cycle for such things, perhaps. Possibly something to do with the England cricket team’s partial revival, prompting a bit more realistic optimism (rather than the “hope against hope” optimism of the 1990s and early years of the new century) in England’s potential performances.
Or possibly it was due to our spiritual leader, Nigel, adopting a policy of suggesting that our journey would soon reach an end.
Here’s the 19 November 2003 note from Nigel to us Rollers:
Subject: Heavy Rollers 2004-the penultimate tour
Dear Heavy Rollers , Associate and Junior members
Despite phone bookings not being available until January (Warwicks. CCC staff are so bribable) have just heard that our allocation sorted, usual places, although on Friday 2 of the group (now 9- what an evening game that should be) will be directly behind (Just in case this all sounds too far off and you are thinking I am a sad git for even considering booking it when Rugby is the game, they told me that the row we occupy is now sold out for the second day!). I am a sad git but that’s another matter.
Tickets are 30.25 x 2 each = £60.50 (I got stung for a second booking fee as I added more on!).
Payable between now and end of the year to avoid serious surcharges applying.
The nine for that year were, as depicted in the headline picture (left to right seated, then left to right standing):
In 2004, the core group seemed to solidify. Most who had attended previously in earnest wanted to attend.
David Steed sprang into action immediately, sealing the deal on the Wadderton element of our trip within a couple of days of Nigel’s missive. David’s reply on 23 November 02003:
Dear Heavy Rollers (all grades),
Suitable accommodation now reserved for the Wednesday and Thursday. I wonder if we can persuade her indoors (scuse me it’s her that’s doing this typing!!!) to repeat the lasagne?
We have actually found a REAL Heavy Roller deep in the undergrowth at the back of Wadderton, so if I slip Peter a couple of cans of Banks Original we may even attempt to roll out a strip!
Nigel – cheque in the post in couple of days – and thanks for being a sad git!
Sadly, our 2004 exploits proved to be a final hurrah for Wadderton, as far as the Heavy Rollers were concerned – Wadderton was gone by the summer of 2005. Mercifully, those 2004 exploits were wonderfully memorable, not least thanks to Charles Bartlett’s trusty Canon PowerShot camera.
Wadderton looking splendid, 28 July 2004
No sign of Peter having cut a strip by the time we got there in July 2004, quite possibly because the bribe of Banks’s Original didn’t make it from the Steed quarters into Peter’s hands. [I must admit that Banks’s Mild was always my personal Banks’s beer of choice, but I was not even faintly likely to cut a strip. I digress].
Observant readers will note, from the headline picture, that the Heavy Rollers were all wearing a Heavy Rollers Edgbaston 2004 shirt. This was the first of several years for which shirts were commissioned. Jeff and Chas were the brains behind the idea.
I vaguely heard a story about consternation over the production of this first shirt. Something to do with Chas taking the lead, a deal done down Romford market and Jeff’s dissatisfaction with the combination of quality and price. The upshot was that subsequent shirts were produced elsewhere under Jeff’s auspices. I cannot comment on that debate but I can, nearly 20 years later, still model the very shirt:
Thanks to Janie for this picture 19 March 2023
Frankly, in my case, nearly 20 years later, the shirt appears to be maintaining its look better than the wearer.
Downhill From Here: The Night Before The Test, 28 July 2004
Frankly I’m not sure a cut strip would have much enhanced our game the night before, but I am sure that the nine of us had a splendid early evening game.
I suspect that all who were present remember one particular detail of this game of yard cricket…probably to the exclusion of all other details. Certainly in my case, the one pivotal moment of the evening – one ball – has extinguished all and any other memories of the game.
I cannot remember who bowled it (it might even have been me), nor can I remember who struck the ball (certainly not me given the quality of the strike – probably Nigel or Biff), but I do remember who sought to field the ball. Charley.
The ball hurtled off in the direction of the lower slopes below the garden which was, in effect, our pitch. Coincidentally, Charley, who is a photographer extraordinaire as well as a fielder extraordinaire, had photographed those lower slopes earlier that afternoon:
The lower slopes of Wadderton
I don’t think Chas leapt over the fence, I think there was a strategic gap through which the ball, then Chas following the ball, went.
It took everyone (including Chas) a few seconds to realise that running as fast as you can down a hill to try to stop a ball has certain consequences in the matter of how the momentum of that run comes to an end. For an excruciating few moments it became obvious to everyone, probably including Chas, that his run would have to end with either an inadvisable dive or an involuntary tumble.
We could debate at great length the exact nature of the concluding moment. Suffice it to say that it looked extremely comical and yet at the same time, in the moment, I suspect we were all genuinely concerned for Chas.
I have asked Dall-E to help me depict this moment, both in cartoon form and in photograph form, by explaining the matter in words to the AI tool. Here are the results:
Chas Downhill in Cartoon FormChas Downhill in Photo Form
Once it became clear that Chas’s moans were the result mostly of bruised ego rather than serious physical harm, the incident became a matter of much mirth, for the rest of that evening…and the rest of that Heavy Rollers 2004 event…indeed for the rest of all time amongst those who witnessed it.
Other reports on the incident or other aspects of that evening’s game will be gratefully received.
I have no idea whether the evening meal was indeed centred around the ever-popular lasagne, but I strongly suspect that it was.
A memorably convivial evening at Wadderton
We sat around after dinner for quite some time that year, reminiscing about Heavy Rollers events past, the earlier events of the evening and of course looking ahead with eager anticipation to two days of test cricket between England and West Indies.
Chas looks revived – no doubt describing his “dive” in Jonty Rhodes/Paul Collingwood terms
I shall write up the Edgbaston element of the 2004 Heavy Rollers event separately.
Charles Bartlett’s wonderful pictures of the events described in this piece and of the 2004 Edgbaston trip can be found in the Flickr album linked here and below:
Postscript: Indeed We Did Eat Lasagne
I have just discovered one more e-mail – this one from Anita to Nigel the weekend before the event. Proof positive that we had lasagne and also that we already knew that this stay would be Wadderton’s last hurrah, Heavy Roller-wise:
Subject: Re: Nearly time……
Hi Nigel,
David’s working this evening but I thought I’d reply anyway and if he wants to get back to you tomorrow then I am sure he will.
He and Dan are really looking forward to next Thursday and Friday. David is off work Wednesday too to prepare!!
I think everything is fine about people staying here but you will need to bring sheets or sleeping bags, pillow slips and towels, as the laundry contract has finished and I don’t think I have enough!
I have been commissioned to make another lasagne for one of the evenings and I think David has plans for food for the other one. He said he would book a minibus for Thursday but, if there are fewer of you needing to come back here after the cricket on Friday I can be chauffeur!
