During the summer of 2004 I discovered the Middlesex Till We Die (MTWD) website and started corresponding with people through that on-line community’s message board. I decided to use Janie (Daisy’s) pet name/nickname for me, Ged Ladd, as my moniker on MTWD.
That autumn, the site moderators (in those nascent days David Slater, Kevin Ziants and Jeremy Horne) electronically “tapped me up” and asked if I would contribute some editorial pieces for the winter. I think we even met up that autumn to discuss matters. Part of the deal with the sites host, Sportnetwork, is that you must provide regular (at least fortnightly) editorial, otherwise the site (including the popular message boards) gets shut down. The minimum editorial requirement is easy to meet during the season (e.g. with match reports), but the long off-season presented a problem for the moderators at that time (and as I understand it, still presents a problem today, 2016 as I write).
Anyway, I enjoy writing articles and was happy to oblige. My first contribution was a “career tombstone” piece when Sven Koenig, one of Middlesex’s gritty opening batsmen, decided to hang up his boots. Word reached me later that Sven had seen the piece and rather liked it, as indeed he should.
The highlight, in my view, is the statistical device that indicated that it was not the colour of the ball (white or red) that affected Sven’s batting average, but the colour of his clothing, presumably for sartorial rather than cricketing reasons. Strangely, no cricket administrator seems to have picked up this theory and run with it since when assessing other dapper cricketers. I cannot imagine why not.
Janie and I formed part of a very sparse crowd for this National League match, which was meant to be 45 overs-a-side, in 2004.
The crowd was especially sparse because the game, which had been scheduled for the Sunday, was moved to a reserve day on the Monday because Leicestershire found themselves in the final (and indeed winners) of the almost new Twenty20 tournament that year.
But Janie and I had booked a day off that Monday anyway and the weather was deceptively good earlier in the day.
I remember only a few details about this match; Janie remembers less. I do recall sitting at the front of the Tavern Stand, with Darren Stevens fielding right in front of us.
Slightly later image, here with Glenn Hoddle of all people, from: https://www.londoncounty.co.uk/blog/2010/06/19/in-praise-of-darren-stevens/
Daisy (Janie) wanted to know about Leicestershire’s celebrations and party after their cup-winning success a couple of days earlier.
For a while, Darren Stevens played Daisy’s questions with a characteristically straight bat. But Daisy’s line of questioning and her persuasive manner can bamboozle even the most seasoned batsman. Eventually he failed to pick her metaphorical doosra, which was expressed roughly in the form…
Oh go on, you can tell me, I won’t tell anyone…
…at which point he spilled a few beans about the celebrations and party – now long-since forgotten by us, even if that victorious night remains memorable to him. The details he passed on will have been mere crumbs.
Still, when the rain came to interrupt Middlesex’s rather poor innings before it might well have in any case been brought to a premature end, Janie and I took refuge in the Middlesex Room.
There we and a few other refugees from the rain joined “the Middlesex gossips”, as I used to describe the regulars who tended to reside in that room.
I vaguely remember Auntie Janet expressing an interest in Mark Cleary, although Ottis Gibson and Claude Henderson had been the pick of the Leicestershire bowlers that day. I think this day might have been the only time I saw Charlie Dagnall bowl.
As it became clear that the weather was clearing up and that the Leicestershire innings would go ahead, reduced to 20 overs due to rain, the mood among the Middlesex fans became quite pessimistic.
“It’ll be a Twenty20 innings for them and they are the Twenty20 champions; we don’t stand a chance”, was the prevailing view. We (Middlesex) were offering a pretty depleted bowling attack that day too, due to injuries, wear and tear restings etc.
But Daisy’s view was laden with inside information:
I’m not so sure – they had one heck of a party to celebrate their cup win on Saturday, which by the sound of it went deep into yesterday…
Ever true to his word, David Steed indeed booked a minibus for our transport that year, in the light of our increased size of group. Here is the picture, presumably taken by Anita, of us all dressed up and ready to go first thing on that first morning, at Wadderton:
Of course there would have been many bants about drinks muling, as had been the case in previous years, but I think the consensus by 2004 was that most muling was likely to get caught. Thus only the expert did the muling – a wine box (outer removed of course) disguised as a cool bag bottom.
I suspect this trick doesn’t work any more, but here are photos of the operation in process:
David will have been describing the picnic contents in a quickfire patter styleeGang-master Jeff looks smug and satisfied
Jeff took on the role of mastermind rather than implementer in the matter of the prediction game too. I remember getting a call from him early in the morning of 28th, while I was getting ready to leave the flat.
JEFF: Ian, it’s Jeff here. I’ve screwed up. I cannot lay my hands on a prediction game template and need to go out now. I know you did one for Trent Bridge – any chance you could print it out for Edgbaston this year? It’ll be the devil’s job to try and get it done at Wadderton.
ME: I’m rushing to set off this morning too…but leave it with me…
…which Jeff did…for the rest of all time.
By 9:02 on 28 July (according to the meta-data), I had produced this masterpiece, which became the base template for all subsequent Edgbaston trips. Please note the correct spelling of Edgbaston & everything:
Not entirely suited to the nine player version of the game, but still
The next picture was taken just over an hour into the match. Note that our regular seats in the Priory Stand had a splendid view of the notorious Eric Hollies Stand while being a very safe distance from it. Even the 12th man seemed to be eyeing the Hollies with suspicion, while Bananarama Monkey-Face tried to sneak into any photo he possibly could photo bomb.
At lunch we peruaded a friendly steward, quite possibly Paul Guppy, to take a group photo of us:
Later in the lunch hour, Chas must have gone for one of his traditional lunchtime strolls, observing some cultural appropriation of Caribbean music:
My memory and the official record is silent on the delights that David served up to us for dinner on the Thursday evening. We won’t have been all that hungry because a David Steed Wadderton picnic left little room for dinner. It will have been very tasty, whatever it was. Everyone will have been in excellent spirits – England was doing extremely well.
Harish looks very happy indeedI think the player kindly giving Chas the thumbs up is Jermaine Lawson
At lunchtime Chas must have wandered over to the book signing, but whether he commissioned a private message about London buses and pigeons from Blowers, or simply took a photo of him plying his trade in audiobooks, I suspect is lost in the mists of time.
Following the coup with Nigel and Jeff the previous year, getting into the pavilion for a session or so (click here or below)…
…Chas couldn’t resist trying the same wheeze again – seemingly with some success.
Matthew Hoggard going in to batAndrew Flintoff returning with a daddy-hundred to his name
If you look very closely at the above photo, you can see, in the distance, the number ten batsman striding towards the crease. That is a young James Anderson and this was our first (but far from our last) sighting of him as Heavy Rollers.
We had a wonderful time in 2004, as always, but I do recall a sense that 2004 was an especially good one. I don’t think any of us realised at the time that we were at the dawn of a golden era for England as a cricket team and The Heavy Rollers as a motley band of visiting enthusiasts.
If you want to see all the pictures, including scans of the prediction game results sheets (surely everyone will want to know, as much as anything else, how I cunningly accounted for nine players on an eight-column template), you can see it all in the Flickr album linked here and below:
I’m not sure why The Heavy Rollers became, for a few years, a significantly bigger and bolder event. Part of a natural life cycle for such things, perhaps. Possibly something to do with the England cricket team’s partial revival, prompting a bit more realistic optimism (rather than the “hope against hope” optimism of the 1990s and early years of the new century) in England’s potential performances.
Or possibly it was due to our spiritual leader, Nigel, adopting a policy of suggesting that our journey would soon reach an end.
Here’s the 19 November 2003 note from Nigel to us Rollers:
Subject: Heavy Rollers 2004-the penultimate tour
Dear Heavy Rollers , Associate and Junior members
Despite phone bookings not being available until January (Warwicks. CCC staff are so bribable) have just heard that our allocation sorted, usual places, although on Friday 2 of the group (now 9- what an evening game that should be) will be directly behind (Just in case this all sounds too far off and you are thinking I am a sad git for even considering booking it when Rugby is the game, they told me that the row we occupy is now sold out for the second day!). I am a sad git but that’s another matter.
Tickets are 30.25 x 2 each = £60.50 (I got stung for a second booking fee as I added more on!).
Payable between now and end of the year to avoid serious surcharges applying.
The nine for that year were, as depicted in the headline picture (left to right seated, then left to right standing):
In 2004, the core group seemed to solidify. Most who had attended previously in earnest wanted to attend.
David Steed sprang into action immediately, sealing the deal on the Wadderton element of our trip within a couple of days of Nigel’s missive. David’s reply on 23 November 02003:
Dear Heavy Rollers (all grades),
Suitable accommodation now reserved for the Wednesday and Thursday. I wonder if we can persuade her indoors (scuse me it’s her that’s doing this typing!!!) to repeat the lasagne?
We have actually found a REAL Heavy Roller deep in the undergrowth at the back of Wadderton, so if I slip Peter a couple of cans of Banks Original we may even attempt to roll out a strip!
Nigel – cheque in the post in couple of days – and thanks for being a sad git!
Sadly, our 2004 exploits proved to be a final hurrah for Wadderton, as far as the Heavy Rollers were concerned – Wadderton was gone by the summer of 2005. Mercifully, those 2004 exploits were wonderfully memorable, not least thanks to Charles Bartlett’s trusty Canon PowerShot camera.
Wadderton looking splendid, 28 July 2004
No sign of Peter having cut a strip by the time we got there in July 2004, quite possibly because the bribe of Banks’s Original didn’t make it from the Steed quarters into Peter’s hands. [I must admit that Banks’s Mild was always my personal Banks’s beer of choice, but I was not even faintly likely to cut a strip. I digress].
Observant readers will note, from the headline picture, that the Heavy Rollers were all wearing a Heavy Rollers Edgbaston 2004 shirt. This was the first of several years for which shirts were commissioned. Jeff and Chas were the brains behind the idea.
I vaguely heard a story about consternation over the production of this first shirt. Something to do with Chas taking the lead, a deal done down Romford market and Jeff’s dissatisfaction with the combination of quality and price. The upshot was that subsequent shirts were produced elsewhere under Jeff’s auspices. I cannot comment on that debate but I can, nearly 20 years later, still model the very shirt:
Thanks to Janie for this picture 19 March 2023
Frankly, in my case, nearly 20 years later, the shirt appears to be maintaining its look better than the wearer.
Downhill From Here: The Night Before The Test, 28 July 2004
Frankly I’m not sure a cut strip would have much enhanced our game the night before, but I am sure that the nine of us had a splendid early evening game.
I suspect that all who were present remember one particular detail of this game of yard cricket…probably to the exclusion of all other details. Certainly in my case, the one pivotal moment of the evening – one ball – has extinguished all and any other memories of the game.
I cannot remember who bowled it (it might even have been me), nor can I remember who struck the ball (certainly not me given the quality of the strike – probably Nigel or Biff), but I do remember who sought to field the ball. Charley.
The ball hurtled off in the direction of the lower slopes below the garden which was, in effect, our pitch. Coincidentally, Charley, who is a photographer extraordinaire as well as a fielder extraordinaire, had photographed those lower slopes earlier that afternoon:
The lower slopes of Wadderton
I don’t think Chas leapt over the fence, I think there was a strategic gap through which the ball, then Chas following the ball, went.
It took everyone (including Chas) a few seconds to realise that running as fast as you can down a hill to try to stop a ball has certain consequences in the matter of how the momentum of that run comes to an end. For an excruciating few moments it became obvious to everyone, probably including Chas, that his run would have to end with either an inadvisable dive or an involuntary tumble.
We could debate at great length the exact nature of the concluding moment. Suffice it to say that it looked extremely comical and yet at the same time, in the moment, I suspect we were all genuinely concerned for Chas.
I have asked Dall-E to help me depict this moment, both in cartoon form and in photograph form, by explaining the matter in words to the AI tool. Here are the results:
Chas Downhill in Cartoon FormChas Downhill in Photo Form
Once it became clear that Chas’s moans were the result mostly of bruised ego rather than serious physical harm, the incident became a matter of much mirth, for the rest of that evening…and the rest of that Heavy Rollers 2004 event…indeed for the rest of all time amongst those who witnessed it.
Other reports on the incident or other aspects of that evening’s game will be gratefully received.
I have no idea whether the evening meal was indeed centred around the ever-popular lasagne, but I strongly suspect that it was.
A memorably convivial evening at Wadderton
We sat around after dinner for quite some time that year, reminiscing about Heavy Rollers events past, the earlier events of the evening and of course looking ahead with eager anticipation to two days of test cricket between England and West Indies.
Chas looks revived – no doubt describing his “dive” in Jonty Rhodes/Paul Collingwood terms
I shall write up the Edgbaston element of the 2004 Heavy Rollers event separately.
Charles Bartlett’s wonderful pictures of the events described in this piece and of the 2004 Edgbaston trip can be found in the Flickr album linked here and below:
Postscript: Indeed We Did Eat Lasagne
I have just discovered one more e-mail – this one from Anita to Nigel the weekend before the event. Proof positive that we had lasagne and also that we already knew that this stay would be Wadderton’s last hurrah, Heavy Roller-wise:
Subject: Re: Nearly time……
Hi Nigel,
David’s working this evening but I thought I’d reply anyway and if he wants to get back to you tomorrow then I am sure he will.
He and Dan are really looking forward to next Thursday and Friday. David is off work Wednesday too to prepare!!
I think everything is fine about people staying here but you will need to bring sheets or sleeping bags, pillow slips and towels, as the laundry contract has finished and I don’t think I have enough!
I have been commissioned to make another lasagne for one of the evenings and I think David has plans for food for the other one. He said he would book a minibus for Thursday but, if there are fewer of you needing to come back here after the cricket on Friday I can be chauffeur!
The Children’s Society XI in 2004 – Photos by Charles Bartlett
It is hugely helpful to have a stack of photos from Charles from the 2004 match – I’ll pepper this account with some of those and provide a link to the “album” at the end for those who would like to look at all of them.
…so keen scouting and selection was going to be key for this third match – such a huge task, the event didn’t take place until a couple of years after the second match.
Chas’s selection missive was sent on 12 July 2004:
This looks to be the final lucky 13. – What I must stress is that if you are committed to coming and let people down by not turning up you will deny others the opportunity to play.
Howard Bartley (friend of mine – club cricketer) Ian Harris (Z/yen) Charles Bartlett Nick Bartlett Mat (aussie wicket keeper – club standard known to Ian Harris)- Nigel Hinks Dorian (friend of Jeff Tye – club standard) Harish (runemout) Gohil Kyle Bullock Lyall Orange Doug Turvey Richard Britain Kelly plus brother
There followed some correspondence between me and Chas about possible drop-outs and fall-back positions, details of which should probably remain between me, Chas and the data protection legislation prevailing then and now.
Here’s a taster of it:
ME: You’re the skipper, but I’d have Xander in the squad as well – I have visions of 13 becoming 9 or 10 as the day approaches, but perhaps you feel you have sufficient assurances and a fit enough squad (and the squad members have fit enough wives, children, father-in-laws etc.) to prove me wrong…
CHAS: To have the best possible team (no half measures) would mean leaving out the lesser players (and there are a few!) probably you and me for a start. I do not want to be a non-playing captain and you are a mate who is always in the side, because I pick you, need I go on…who said , Captain and Chief Selector was easy? let alone having a Mrs Duncan Fletcher at home who put Nick back in the team.
We can only assume that Mrs Duncan Fletcher was none other than Dot “Mrs Malloy” Bartlett.
In the end Nick didn’t play – I have a feeling he dropped himself. Nigel also didn’t play; I think he struggled to get to North Crawley that weekend or perhaps injury. Jeff Tye was never listed to play – I think he might have dropped himself by then or possibly was temporarily “offf games”.
Anyway, this was a reasonably good team with some proper talent in it – not least Mat “The Tasmanian Devil” Watson (my mate from the health club) and Chas’s former work mate Howard.
Children’s Society Supporters 2004, North Crawley. Back row l-r: The Boy Malloy, Mrs Malloy, Daisy. Front row l-r: Bananarama Monkey-Face, Hippity The Green Bunny.
Most of the day it was glorious weather for playing and watching.
I think Tufty put on about 240 off 45 overs. During tea we felt this was challenging but gettable with the team we had brought with us that year. The Britten Kelly brothers, for example, could both hold a bat, to supplement the club standard folk we had with us that day and the “bits and pieces” regulars like me.
I think Chas opened that year to take some of the shine off the ball – I think with me – but certainly the meaningful batting line up comprised Mat at four and Howard at five and some decent allrounders scheduled to follow.
One year in the sunshine I recall opening and having Glenn Young in my ear from behind the stumps trying to put me off by chirping about the nice cool beer that was waiting for me in the clubhouse as soon as I got out. It was hard to keep a straight face let alone a straight bat with that going on. That particular chirp-fest might have been a different year of course. Or every year for someone or other.
Waiting to bat – the Britten Kelly brothers with the scorebook, Mat behind them.Chas dismissedHoward waiting to bat
Mat and Howard came together when we were three down for not too many but they then put on a good stand of 50 or so.
I’m calling it a good stand, but in truth the vibe we were all getting was that the pair of them couldn’t stand one another. They had an altercation while we were fielding, as Howard refused to move to a position Chas had chosen for him, which Mat, chirping away as keeper, felt was utterly unacceptable insubordination.
In short, the two of them batted extremely well “against one another” rather than as a pair – each trying to show that they were the more complete cricketer.
Anyway, it was all working swimmingly well until a huge cloud appeared and decided to rain heavily on North Crawley. I think we were something like 80 for 3 off 20 at that juncture, which Messrs Duckworth and Lewis might well have concluded had The Children’s Society marginally in front, but these matches are not so determined so the match was abandoned as a rain-affected draw.
I do think the ending might have been properly close. The following year, Chas’s insightful team selection led to the most exciting match I have ever played in, which just proves that Chas knew a thing or two…or perhaps that he got lucky a few times:
The tea and the post match conviviality in one or other of the village pubs would have been similar to that experienced in the first match – click here or below for those details:
…there are some strange pictures at the end of that stack. Charles Bartlett in the company of several of the Tufty Stackpole people. Undeniably at Lord’s – in the Edrich Stand to be precise. Undeniably at the first test match of that 2004 West Indies tour – a mere few days after the battle described above – merely a week before that season’s Heavy Rollers event at Edgbaston.
Trevor Cooper & Mike ArcherGeoff YoungMike Archer scoffs a nugget with Charles Bartlett alongside
Charles has a little bit of explaining to do about this. Has he been batting for both sides all these years?
By 2004, the Z/Yen v The Children’s Society cricket match had become a well-established fixture in the social calendar.
In the few years preceding this 2004 match, we had settled on Regents Park as the venue of choice, but Regents Park was unavailable that year, so we thought we’d try Holland Park’s non-turf pitch for a convenient change.
Two extraordinary things happened on this day in 2004. The handful of relics remaining of the event leave only tiny clues about those things, but in this Ogblog I shall deploy my forensic skills and reveal those memorable happenings.
The annual Z/Yen versus The Children’s Society cricket match was held in Holland Park around the longest day, 22 June. And it must have seemed like a long evening to the largest ever crowd of friends and spectators, huddling under the trees in the cool drizzle. Perhaps it was the bottles and pin of superb beer sponsored by Youngs brewery (via George, Giles Wright’s brother) that kept the crowd motivated and audible throughout.
Z/Yen batted first and accumulated 91 for 4. More or less everyone got a bat with several players, even Ian Harris, retiring not out. Restricting things to 15 overs per side saved the game from the impending rain, as well as the use of some handy Astroturf. Z/Yen bowled well – John Davies (Helen’s husband) getting man-of-the-match for his efforts – restricting The Children’s Society to 73 for 6, despite some late heroics by Harish Gohil and Richard Britain-Kelly. So for only the second time ever, Z/Yen has regained the Rashes (risk/reward ashes) trophy.
In a desperate attempt to rebuild the devastated relations with this important client, Ian Harris helped The Children’s Society to win (for the first time ever) its annual Tufty Stackpole match a few weeks later. Ian’s help was mostly vicarious of course (p-lease), lending The Children’s Society Z/Yen’s star ringer Mat for the 45 overs-a-side Sunday marathon.
Yes, the original write up records one of the key features of these quintessentially beer-match-style cricket matches. Giles Wright’s brother George being an essential ringer for our Z/Yen team, not least because he was the head of marketing at Youngs Brewery and would insist on donating lashings of beer for the event. No wonder we started to draw sizeable crowds during that era.
I also have the scorebook for this match:
Play Of The Day
The casual reader glancing at the above relics would not settle upon the name James Pitcher and imagine that the play of the day might have anything to do with him. Did not bat. Did not bowl.
James was a reluctant member of the team. That’s not to say that he was an unwilling participant in events, far from it. But James was convinced that everyone else in the team deserved their place in cricketing terms more than he did. So when time was running out and I offered him my place in the batting line up, James deferred. He also stated firmly that he could not and should not bowl.
Importantly, James also implied that he couldn’t really field that well either, but he could run, so we agreed that the outfield would be best for him.
When my friend/nemesis Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett came out to join Eugene Kinghorn at the crease, the match was still well poised, but the Children’s Society knew they needed to get on with it; they were falling behind the required run rate.
Charles drove his first scoring shot (it might even have been his very first ball, you know) extremely well, straight down to long on, quite near to the location where James was peacefully grazing in the long grass.
Eugene, gazelle-like compared with most of us, set off at Charles’s call of two and I’m pretty sure again yelled “yes, one more” on the turn, as he would be running to the danger (non-striker’s) end.
But James didn’t throw to the non-striker’s end. Why would he? How could he? James, the non-cricketer, simply ran as fast as he could, picked up the ball and hurled it (he’s not named Pitcher for nothing) vaguely in the direction of the action.
Had James thrown to the non-striker’s end, Eugene would have been home easily even if James had hit those stumps directly.
Instead, James’s throw somehow managed to hurtle an additional 22 yards past the non-striker’s stumps and directly hit the stumps at the striker’s end, with Charley still running a few yards short of the line. Run out.
It was an incredibly long throw for a direct hit. As James has subsequently agreed, we could set him that throw as a deliberate exercise and he might hit the stumps one time in a couple of hundred attempts.
I am reliably informed that Chas still has nightmares about this dismissal.
Pitcher by name… (this photo from the 2007 match)
Match Of The Day
But even that incredible dismissal was not the most extraordinary thing to occur that evening. In fact, both the score book and contemporaneous match reports are silent on the momentous occurrence.
I mentioned earlier Eugene Kinghorn as Charley’s batting partner during the unfortunate run out incident…the run out described above in some detail…the one that Charley still has nightmares about…
…anyway, Eugene formed another partnership that evening…
…with Fran Birch, one of the Z/Yen players.
By the time we all returned to “the scene of the crime” – three years later we again needed to decamp to Holland Park, those two had got married, Eugene was no longer working for The Children’s Society and he thus ended up playing for Z/Yen.
These are the lengths some Z/Yen folk are prepared to go to in order to strengthen the Z/Yen cricket team.
Joking apart, I really do believe that Eugene and Fran’s initial meeting at one of our silly cricket matches is one of the very most wonderful things to have come out of all of those events.
Linda gives Fran and Eugene the “match of the match” award, Holland Park, 2007
As luck (and a little bit of tactical captaincy on my part) would have it, Eugene and Fran even ended up partnering each other at the crease to knock off the winning runs in the 2007 game. Funny old game, cricket.
Another action-packed seasonal outing and dinner for the Z/Yen team that year. Linda seems to have taken charge of proceedings by 2003, no longer describing herself as “assistant social secretary” to me, as she had in 2002.
The following note to the team also provides evidence that Secret Santa was first implemented at Z/Yen that year:
Dear All
This is just a reminder for you all about the Christmas Party.
Firstly, I hope you have all bought or about to buy your secret Santa present, as you should know you have £5 to spend and the gift should be wrapped in Z/Yen paper with a label which will be in the secret Santa box (when I get that organised – tomorrow).
As only a few people want to go to the “The Lord of the Rings Motion Picture Trilogy” exhibition, please buy a ticket at the gate and claim on your expenses. We would like to be at the Science Museum at 16.30, this will give us approximately 90 minutes to see the other galleries (six in total), closing time is 18:00.
Afterwards, from 18.30 onwards, we will be having drinks at Shanghai Knightsbridge, 138 Brompton Road, London, SW3 1HY, followed by dinner there at around 19.15.
Regards
Linda
I recall that the several of us who wanted to see the Science museum took great pleasure in the exhibits available for us to play with that season.
Several of us were like pigs in s**t at the sight of items like this arithimometer
But all of us, along with Janie and other arty folk who were more enthusiastic about seeing the extraordinary Yann Arthus-Bertrand’s Earth from the Air photographs, went across the way to see those before wandering along to Shanghai Knightsbridge.
Our wonderful friend May had hosted our 1999 event at The Park Inn. In the intervening years, she closed The Park Inn…
…Janie and I actually cried when we found out that the Park Inn had suddenly closed just before Christmas early in the new century…
…then re-emerged like a phoenix from the ashes at Shanghai Knightsbridge. Not so convenient for me and Janie on a regular basis, and more pricey, but still the excellent food and friendly service we had got to know so well.
It would have been churlish not to introduce the Z/Yen team to May’s new place. I think we had a sort-of room at the back of Shanghai Knightbridge if I recall correctly, or perhaps we were downstairs in a similar fashion to the P{ark Inn set up for larger groups.
Here’s my song from 2003:
DOES Z/YEN KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS?
(Song to the Tune of “Do they Know It’s Christmas”)
VERSES
MICHAEL: It’s Christmastime, there’s no chance of getting paid,
MICHAEL: At Christmastime, we’re off the clock and we cannot trade;
MICHAEL: But in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy;
MICHAEL: Throw your birthday breakfast feast at Christmastime.
JEREMY: (spoken) But say a prayer,
MICHAEL: Pray for the finance one,
MICHAEL: At Christmastime, it’s hard, but when you’re having fun;
MICHAEL: There’s a world that’s west of EC3, and it’s a world of dread not glee,
MICHAEL: Where the only cash that’s flowing goes out to the EBT;
MICHAEL: And the Christmas bell that rings there is the alarm at five-o-two,
MICHAEL: So tonight thank God it’s Ian instead of you.
MICHAEL: And it’s risk/reward in Bishopsgate this Christmastime,
MICHAEL: The three wise men with PropheZy divine;
MICHAEL: (Oooh) where a seasonal remark,
MICHAEL: Is wide of the benchmark;
MICHAEL: Does Z/Yen know it’s Christmastime at all?
MIDDLE EIGHT
MALES: Here’s to you, raise a glass for everyone;
FEMALES: Here’s to Scrooge, working while we’re having fun;
Photographs by Charles Bartlett. Above: Nigel & Jeff With Paul Adams
We shall return later to the above image of Nigel and Jeff smugly mingling with the South African players in the pavilion just before tea on Day One of the 2003 Edgbaston test.
Let us start this write up of the 2003 Heavy Rollers event from the beginning.
Big Match Build Up: October 2002 To May 2003
A lengthy e-mail from Nigel on 10 October 2002 set the ball rolling for this one. The key text:
The Edgbaston Test is scheduled for 24-28 July, 2003 vs. South Africa (where it all began!).Tickets go on sale in early January. Get it into the diary before holidays, personal injury, life changes and other meek excuses hamper another traditional gathering in the interests of the wonderful game.
By that time, Nigel was no longer with The Children’s Society and had not been able to attend the previous year, as documented at length in the 2002 Heavy Roller’s piece. I was not sure that the tradition would continue and was very pleased to receive that e-mail.
Then, on 3 December, came confirmation via a similarly lengthy epistle from Nigel:
Your ticket secretary has reported back with news that tickets have been acquired for England v South Africa, Thursday and Friday 24/25 July 2003 (Row A Block 03 Seats 4-10). These will be held in safe keeping until a personal transfer can be effected but cheques for 2 x £30.00 per person would be appreciated in due course…
…The secretary is happy to bear all additional costs associated with daily calls to the very nice women in the box office, reports of postal applications going missing, resubmissions, original application surfacing, consequent near purchase of too many tickets etc. etc……what stress.
Possibly it was Nigel’s use of the word “hamper” in his first e-mail about this, but the rest of us were motivated by that second e-mail to club together and send Nigel & Viv a hamper of grub for Christmas, not only to thank him for his 2003 efforts but also the 2002 efforts which, from his personal point of view, resulted in no cricket at all.
I commissioned Dall-E to help me illustrate the gift:
Not bad, but the liquid bottles within were French and grape-based, not water
On 31 December, Nigel sent what might well be his most pretentious e-mail ever:
Monsieurs ‘Heavy Rollers’
C’est avec plaisir que je mange le grand cadeau et je bois le vin et le champagne.
Merci de votre generosite mes amis!
Amities,
Nigel (et femme)
Next, in mid-May, a disappointing development, passed on to the rest of us through Nigel:
Dear Heavy Roller
It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that one of the senior membership has been forced to put an exotic holidaying experience with spouse before this great, and possibly final, annual occasion. Just when English cricket begins its renaissance after the disappointments of the winter (and summer). David reassures us that, despite this dubious decision (yes it is he), the bookings remain solid for accommodation and limited overs warm up…
David himself chimed in a few days later, not least with the following statement.
…Not sure if Dan is up to the cooked breakfast but therein lies a challenge!!!…
These messages remind me of two Wadderton traditions that I have not previously discussed: games of garden cricket on the Wadderton lawns and the traditional cooked breakfast at Wadderton before setting off for the ground.
The Night Before The Big Match: 23 July 2003
Wadderton in 2004: more slope than Lord’s, more than a tinge of green on the track
I’m pretty sure that the garden cricket prior to 2003 had been a fairly low key affair – perhaps it started in 2001 with a gentle knockabout. In 2002 it was replaced by “yard cricket in the rain at Trent Bridge”, which was quite different.
My memory of the night before cricket in 2003 is quite strong and I recall quite a good game. David’s replacement (at one time his son Ben was mooted) turned out to be “Dan’s Mate” Robbie, who was good company, a keen scout and a very useful addition to the garden cricket. Here is the cast list for 2003:
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
Me “Ged Ladd” (accompanied by Hippity The Green Bunny, Henry The Duck and Bananarama Monkey-Face);
Dan“Dan Peel” Steed;
“Dan’s Mate” Robbie.
This group made for some good garden cricket.
Towards the end of the game, we were joined by a woman named Jill Rose, whose company was supplying computers to The Children’s Society and who for some reason wanted to meet with Charles that afternoon/evening. I think it might have been as simple as the fact that she was nearby.
She was a larger than life character, I remember. I also recall her hoving into view from the main house, much later than she had intended to visit, while our game was in full sway. Mercifully, Jill did not tumble down that slope, nor did any of us tumble down the even steeper slope, which is out of view in the above photo. You’ll have to await the 2004 report for that story. Indeed, an abridged match report for the 2003 Wadderton Garden Games can be found in Nigel’s Epistle To The Rollers, at the end of this piece.
Jill watched us playing for a while and then, when we stopped playing for rain and Charles invited her to join us for the Chinese takeaway we had agreed we would get from the Barnt Green Chinese in David’s absence…
…was that place already named Happy Valley back then? Anyway it wasn’t bad…
…Jill insisted on getting the takeaway and refused to accept any money from us.
I vaguely remember Charles Bartlett describing “going to hell and back” form filling back at TCS HQ, at Charles Nall’s behest, to declare fully the circumstances behind this receipt of supplier hospitality. Whether that form-filling trumped the form filling required to get Day Two refunds on Edgbaston tickets, I cannot say, but I did end up doing the latter.
England v South Africa Day One: 24 July 2003
Did Dan provide a cooked breakfast in the style of his inimitable Dad? I have a feeling that he did and it would have been jolly tasty.
But it was Jeff, not Dan, who provided the central picnic for Day One of play. This included a fair amount of booze which Jeff was determined we should all smuggle in to the ground. Booze-smuggling into grounds does not come naturally to me. We had some interesting debates about “who should do what”, which I think resulted in me avoiding booze-mule duties, much to Jeff’s chagrin. My argument was that I would look guilty as hell if trying to hide something, would be likely to crumble when confronted by an authority figure and therefore was, in every way, the Roller least emotionally suited to muling and most likely to get caught.
…which is a far more risky and serious form of smuggling than a bit of booze muling at Edgbaston. (Are you technically people smuggling when you smuggle yourselves across a border)? I digress.
In the end we all got in with our share of the stuff; legitimate and contraband alike.
Below is the view from the front row of the Priory Stand as it was then. This photo is the very first Heavy Roller’s photograph taken on a digital camera by Charles Bartlett. It makes Edgbaston, not least the Eric Hollies Stand beyond, look magnificent, which it truly is.
The Tye picnic
I note from the above photo evidence of the smuggled but (at lunchtime) barely concealed wine (see plastic cup on far right).
Kids playing Kwik Cricket – lunchtime entertainment. In the background the famous old Edgbaston pavilion, demolished and replaced 2010/2011, in all its (lack of) splendourTwenty20 cricket was born a few weeks before this test match. This proto-mascot Warwickshire Bear, in cricket whites, with moll, looks more growly than subsequent mascot bears.
I’m hoping that Nigel can tell the story of how a few of the senior Heavy Rollers blagged their way into the pavilion between lunch and tea that day. Nigel mentions Clive in his epistle and I do recall there was a senior administrator by that name who was associated with our group’s peculiar ability to get the seats it wanted in all circumstances without us having been on a 30 year waiting list or anything like that.
My memory of the pavilion event is very limited, but I do remember a call coming through to the rest of us with the news. I remember declining the invitation. I think there were only one or two more spaces and I was less keen than others. In any case, I had little-‘uns with me and would not have wanted to leave them unattended.
Nigel and Jeff look chuffedPaul “Frog-In-A-Blender” Adams, right, Thami Tsolekile (I think), leftHerschelle Gibbs followed by Graeme Smith returning undefeated for teaJeff Tye applauding in our so-far totally unrewarded England stalwarts at tea
Not much more than five minutes after the players went in for tea, Charles and the others were back in the Priory Stand with the rest of us when this incident happened.
Perennial joker of a supervisor steward, Paul Guppy (subsequently reported on in the Birmingham Mail honoured for his soccer stewarding) accosts me with some invented regulation prohibiting my little ‘uns from sitting in their favourite Priory Stand “seats” Photographic evidence of Paul Guppy arresting Hippity while putting him into a dangerous stranglehold. Meanwhile I seek to rescue Bananarama Monkey-Face and another steward callously looks on
Moments after the above two pictures were taken, Paul Guppy was no longer able to keep a straight face and the ruse was undone. I think it was Jeff Tye who put Paul Guppy up to this, presumably while they were doing the pavilion thing. I guessed that it was pay back time for refusing to mule the booze. But it might have been Nigel and/or Charles who put Paul Guppy up to it. I do think, now that 20 or so years have passed, it should be confession time. Actually the incident was very funny, not least because Paul Guppy was a uniquely unsuited character to the role of officious senior steward concocting a ludicrous rule on the fly.
I am pretty sure that Jeff Tye organised the prediction game in 2003, as I have no record, either electronic or paper, of the game. From 2004 onwards the mantle had passed to me for the rest of all time.
I don’t recall what we did that evening – I don’t think we went out – I suspect that the Wadderton breakfast and Jeff’s picnic catering, into which we all naturally chipped in to cover the costs, had included enough food to tide us over between Days One & Two.
The Day Two That Didn’t Exactly Happen, 25 July 2003
…at least we had enjoyed some fine garden cricket and a glorious day at Edgbaston in 2003. In any case, if you were going to hang around waiting for nothing to happen, you’d sooner hang around at Wadderton than at Harborne Hall- especially the 2012 quasi-commercial manifestation of Harborne Hall with its novel “price per slice of breakfast toast” mentality.
Charles took some photos of us on that rainy day at Wadderton, around 10:15 that morning. It looks dark. It was dark.
Nigel looking resigned: “no chance”Jeff emphatic: “you might as well go to New Street now, Ian”The eternal optimist: “let’s wait and see”Dan, sanguine: “heck, I’m at home anyway”.
As the rain persevered throughout the morning, one by one the Heavy Rollers succumbed to the inevitable and decided to leave. I think Jeff might have bailed out first. Then Nigel. Then Charles & Nick.
I maintained a level of optimism based on a detailed reading of the rainfall radar which told me that, as long as the wind speed and direction didn’t change, that better weather would start sweeping in to the West Midlands around 15:00.
Each departing Heavy Roller assured me that I was waiting in vain, while depositing their tickets with me, the designated mourner, which meant that I would be responsible for getting the refunds if play was indeed abandoned.
Anyway, I enjoyed sitting around chatting with Dan, who possibly shared my optimism, but in any case was off work for the day and at home. When the sun came out, we were both buoyed and feeling a sense of “told you so”…we even started planning our journey to the ground…until the announcement came on the Tv broadcast just a few minutes later that play had been abandoned for the day. There was not enough time to mop up after the relentless rain and get started before the cut off time.
Dan very kindly drove me in to Birmingham New Street, in glorious sunshine, to catch a convenient train back to London.
I remember sitting with a nice cricket-lover on that journey home whose one day of test match cricket a year had just been washed out. I realised how lucky I was. Not only had I already seen a day of this test match but I was by then already a life member of Middlesex and seeing/due to see plenty of cricket that season.
I wrote the following missive to “the lads” at soon after 7:00 that evening:
OK, OK, You called it right
Folks
Daniel and I had the surreal experience of watching the televised inspection c3.15 with glorious sunshine at Wadderton (we were planning to set off for the ground), only to learn that play was abandoned for the day!
We were so disgusted that we tore up our tickets and yours – so sorry guys – no refund. Oh all right, I have your tickets and will sort out the refunds and will reimburse you if/when the dosh turns up.
Still enjoyed the cricket we did see and the splendid company for two days. Here’s to the next time.
Ian
Nigel responded later that evening, with sufficient detail to allow the observant reader to realise that I don’t really remember all of the above stuff – but I do save e-mails and possibly even re-read bits of them:
These weather forecaster were just wishful thinkers.
Us hardened ex-players and watchers knew from experience of endless pavilion waiting that it was going to be a long shot.
However, respect to you both for sticking with it. As I was driving S-Westerly (in relentless driving rain) I heard that the South Africans had left the ground, doubtless following Steve Rouse’s words of wisdom that it was going to take at least 2 hours once the rain stopped for any play to begin. Pat Murphy said he was “not optimistic” (Interesting that the Brumbrella is no longer due to it damaging the outfield and regularly breaking down!).
Perhaps the refunds can go towards the 2004 event? How can we ever relinquish this little bit of magic?
Thanks to Jeff for the food…brilliant and glad we have a photo (c/o Charles) for David to witness. Thanks to Dan for extending the Wadderton/Steed hospitality.
The ‘yard cricket’ was an even affair with contributions from all (Robbie and Dan can play, Ian was turning it flatulently, but who can forget Nick’s runout and Charles’ 2×4’s to win the second match?? Only eclipsed by Jeff’s dismissal as the rain started).
Thanks due also to Clive (the tip at the 20-20 was worth its weight).
I have already started to bore people with tales of being, “that close” to frog-in-a-blender”. I v. nearly got into the changing rooms.
Hard to believe it is over for 12 months after waiting for it for so long.
Hope paths might cross between now and summer 2004 but there are a few memories to conjure it up during the dark winter nights?
(Ian’s muling antics will never be mentioned again, like yeah…) As T.S Eliot (might have) said “you never know the true lengths of your achievements in life until you try to take in drink to Edgbaston”.
Until the next time, your obedient, and ‘still lively off a short run in small doses’, Admissions Secretary, signing off for 2003.
Nigel xxxxx
Indeed, “that close to “frog-in-a-blender”
Finally, although I have used most of them, here is a link to all of Charles Bartlett’s pictures from that event:
But I did once spend an evening in a television studio, along with Janie, watching a pilot for a show that eventually became QI (Quite Interesting). I remembered the evening in question while having lunch with John Lloyd (the producer of QI amongst other hit TV programmes), Brendan May and Michael Mainelli in December 2017.
My diary was not very helpful for this memory…
…but I’m pretty sure that the “@6:30” appointment that Sunday evening was the television studio on the South Bank for that pilot show.
As I recall it, Brendan May had suggested that Janie and I join him to form a supporting posse for the first pilot TV show as part of John’s “Quite Interesting” initiative, about which we had talked at some length with John over the preceding months.
The conceit of this pilot version of QI was a panel show in which members of the audience asked questions of the panel. The panellists would then try to answer the audience questions with interesting answers. A cross between a quiz show and Question Time.
Brendan was there, with his (then) girlfriend Caroline Woofenden, plus Caroline’s sister, Susie. Once Janie and I joined, we were a posse of five.
I’m sure John had rustled up some other friendly posses and in any case had plenty else to do that evening, but I recall him taking the time to greet us warmly and to ask if Janie and/or I wanted to ask a question of the panel. We both said no, but John made absolutely sure that we really didn’t want to participate before letting the matter go.
Brendan, on the other hand, had turned up with a tricky question for the panel, which I recall was a slightly obscure (or should I say quite interesting?) question about Mozart. Brendan might recall the exact details of his question.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, a quite interesting man, public domain image, source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wolfgang-amadeus-mozart_1.jpg
This pilot show was hosted by Peter Snow, best known (at least to us) as the face of the election results on election nights.
I recall that the show was to be titled Beat The Database rather than QI. The conceit of the show in that pilot form was the idea that the panellists were aiming to provide better answers than a database of facts. “Better answers”, in this context, meant being more interesting while avoiding common fallacies.
I remember all of our posse agreeing, after the pilot, that we thought the show should do well.
I recall watching the QI TV show when it was first broadcast, a few months later. I was rather disappointed with the changes to the format, in particular the absence of audience questions and the switch from precise, game show scoring to “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue”-style comedy scoring. Only the inclusion of Stephen Fry as host seemed, in my inexpert opinion, like a good swap. Brendan agreed with me.
I remember Janie saying that there was no qualitative difference between the two formats to her eyes, while admitting that this is not really her sort of show anyway and that she hadn’t really enjoyed either format.
Caroline felt that that the QI format was much better than the Beat the Database pilot we had seen. I also remember Caroline gently berating me and Brendan for criticising the changes, reminding us that we are hardly typical TV audience. “If John Lloyd designed his programmes on your advice, he’d be producing programmes for an audience of two, neither of whom ever get round to watching TV anyway,” said Caroline, with words to that effect. She had a very good point.
But as this piece is about QI, I should record a couple of quite interesting things emerging from my process of writing this Ogblog piece.
The pilot we witnessed in January 2003 seems to have got lost in the recorded history of QI, certainly if Wikipedia at the time of writing is anything to go by. Click here for a December 2017 scrape of the Wikipedia entry for QI. The existence of this Ogblog piece might itself lead to a Wikipedia correction of course – it wouldn’t be the first time – Ogblog has a social history function too, you know. QI elves should be crawling all over Ogblog like a rash by now, if they aren’t already.
A more serious reflection, though, emerging from our lunchtime conversation with John in December 2017, is that the idea of QI originally was much, much bigger than a single TV show. The QI initiative set out to transform learning in society comprehensively. The idea was to take advantage of our additionally connected world of knowledge, exploding the “boring, encyclopaedic” approach to facts and teaching, not least rote learning, as passé (no longer particularly useful) and insufficiently engaging for most human beings. Curiosity-based learning, arguably, is both much more fun and much more useful too.
Over lunch in December 2017, John bemoaned the fact that, nearly 15 years on, QI has not really progressed much beyond being a hugely successful TV programme. I recalled discussing the idea with John all those years ago; the TV show was intended to be the mere vanguard of this emerging curiosity-based learning movement. That thought also brought to mind the evening I spent at Brian Eno’s place a couple of weeks previously with the Economy team and ideas on how economics could be taught to youngsters using a vastly different approach from conventional neo-classical equations and simplistic “truths”.
Time for me to mix in a bit; the results might be quite interesting.
A Quite Interesting Postscript
On seeing the pilot for this Ogblog piece, John Lloyd kindly chimed in to correct my general ignorance about QI, Beat the Database and no doubt more besides:
Jane Root, then Controller of BBC2, commissioned THREE pilots from the QI project, to be co-produced with Talkback.
The first one we made (in 2002) was QI, which had a very similar feel to the present format, but without the closing ‘General Ignorance’ round with its forfeits.
We did have forfeits in the pilot, but they were dotted through the show randomly. And we did have a General Ignorance round, but it was the first of four rounds and involved things people didn’t know about generals.
It was Jane’s idea to conflate the two ideas and close the show with a ‘General Ignorance’ round, where most of the forfeits have ever since been clustered.
This was partly a brilliant insight – because she immediately grasped what the show’s signature idea would be – and partly a disaster – because if a question is flagged as ‘General Ignorance’, the panel realise at once that, if they ‘know’ the answer, they will be penalised. This has dogged us almost since the start.
The other two pilot programmes were called Beat The Database with Peter Snow, and Smartass, which would have been hosted by Jo Brand.
At the pilot of Beat The Database in 2003 (that you attended with Janie) Brendan was not a member of the audience, but actually on the panel as a ‘member of the public’ – the other two panellists being an ‘expert’ (the US philosophy Professor Steve Erickson (who was a friend of mine and Brendan’s) and a ‘celebrity’ in the form of Gyles Brandreth.
Unlike the preceding pilot of QI (which was indeed hosted by Stephen Fry, albeit as a last-minute stand-in for Michael Palin) and which we all thought was genuinely fresh, Beat The Database was not accounted a success by the production team.
Partly because Peter Snow didn’t get the idea until two-thirds of the way through (he thought the panel were lying), and partly because the QI Database that the panel had to ‘beat’ wasn’t then big enough to best them.
Still, at the time, we thought it was good enough (after what we had learned) to go to a series. However, after a three-month silence, I rang my BBC commissioner to ask if he’d watched the show.
“No”, he said, “Why would I? We’ve already commissioned one series about interesting information, why would we want another?”
That says it all, really.
And Smartass with Jo Brand (though it had been paid for) was never made.
This is how Linda Cook announced the event to the Z/Yen team in November:
Dear All
The Xmas Party has now been arranged, and we are, in the Z/Yen style, going for the more than just a Christmas Meal/Drinking approach.
1 – Hardened revellers can go to the Royal Festival Hall bar from 17:00 onwards, to enjoy a drink and some entertainment in the bar – Benn Clatworthy Quartet described as “tenor sax player in fast-moving hard-bop”.
2 – We shall stagger across the way (National Film Theatre) to see Bertie Wooster and Other Comical Characters “rare surviving footage from the famous 60’s World of Wooster series” at approx 18:20.
3 – Dinner will be at the People’s Palace in the Royal Festival Hall at 20:00.
I need to know which of the evening’s events your partner’s will be attending, I will assume that you are attending all events – if this is not the case please let me know.
Please email me your reply by close of play on Wednesday 20 November.
Regards
Linda Cook
Assistant Social Secretary for this evening, for and on behalf of the Social Secretary for this evening, Ian Harris
If you are desperate to know what the Benn Clatworthy Quartet looks and sounds like – feast your eyes and ears on the following video.
For the seasonal effect, you might prefer the following vid from Los Angeles – admittedly his sextet this time, but surely that is Father Christmas on trumpet? Actually, I think I prefer the sextet’s jazz.
The idea of visiting the British Film Institute (BFI) was linked to the fact that we were doing a fairly sizeable piece of work with that institution at that time. These days, of course, you can get a glimpse of rare old footage without traipsing to the BFI building itself. Here is an episode from that 1960s “World Of Wooster” series with Ian Carmichael:
The meal at The People’s Palace in the Royal Festival Hall building was excellent, although it lacked the “private room” quality that we prefer. We were sort-of screened off but basically in the main restaurant.
For that reason, if no other, we skipped the song that year. I don’t think that Secret Santa or quizzing had been invented yet…at least not for Z/Yen seasonal dos, but still everyone seemed to have a great time.
The annual Z/Yen versus The Children’s Society cricket match was held in Holland Park around the longest day, 22 June. And it must have seemed like a long evening to the largest ever crowd of friends and spectators, huddling under the trees in the cool drizzle. Perhaps it was the bottles and pin of superb beer sponsored by Youngs brewery (via George, Giles Wright’s brother) that kept the crowd motivated and audible throughout.
Z/Yen batted first and accumulated 91 for 4. More or less everyone got a bat with several players, even Ian Harris, retiring not out. Restricting things to 15 overs per side saved the game from the impending rain, as well as the use of some handy Astroturf. Z/Yen bowled well – John Davies (Helen’s husband) getting man-of-the-match for his efforts – restricting The Children’s Society to 73 for 6, despite some late heroics by Harish Gohil and Richard Britain-Kelly. So for only the second time ever, Z/Yen has regained the Rashes (risk/reward ashes) trophy.
