Tag: Bill Clinton

Whitewater, NewsRevue Lyric, 1 May 1994

The Whitewater controversy was one of the main scandals that hung over the Clinton presidency. This lyric was rather good fun and I think it went down well in NewsRevue for a while.

_ WHITEWATER _

(To the Tune of “Oh Susannah”)

VERSE 1 – BILL CLINTON

Well I come from Hope in Arkansas, a bimbo on my knee,
And I jog so much I’m fuckin’ sore round Washington DC;
Well I’ve been in power more than a year now Government is cleaner,
Tho’ I spend most all my energy avoiding a subpoena.

CHORUS 1

No Whitewater, things aren’t all what they seem,
Like his daughters name is Chelsea but she ain’t no football team.

VERSE 2 – BILL CLINTON

Now I’ll make a stand for human rights, cos whipping folks is cruel,
But a villains out after three strikes, I shock them as a rule;
(During the above line Clinton electrocutes one seated member of the chorus)
“Hypocrisy” I hear you cry, a mighty fancy word, (looks puzzled)
I’ll check it in the dictionary I got when at Oxford.

CHORUS 2

No Whitewater, and don’t you cry for Bill,
Cos they’ll never catch those Clintons with their fingers in the till;
No Whitewater, and Bill don’t draw no spliff,
But the vultures are above his head now Nixon is a stiff.

In January 1996 I wrote the following update:

WHITEWATER 1996 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Oh Susannah”)
 
VERSE 1 – BILL CLINTON
Well I come from Hope in Arkansas, a bimbo on my knee,
And I jog so much I’m fuckin’ sore round Washington DC;
Well I’ve been in power most of my term, now Government is cleaner,
Tho’ I spend most all my energy avoiding a subpoena.
CHORUS 1
No Whitewater, things aren’t all what they seem,
Like his daughters name is Chelsea but she ain’t no football team.
VERSE 2 – HILARY
Well I did some work for Rose law firm, I don’t recall a thing,
I was much to busy frettin’ where Bill might have put his ding;
“Chicanery” I hear you cry, a mighty fancy word, (looks puzzled)
BILL: I’ll check it in the dictionary I got when at Oxford.
CHORUS 2
No Whitewater, and don’t you cry for Bill,
Cos you’ll never catch those Clintons with their fingers in the till;
No Whitewater, and Hilary don’t lie,
She’s lookin’ up above her head to see the pigs that fly.
No Whitewater, the Clinton’s weren’t affected,
The biggest joke of all is that they might get re-elected.

Below is a rather sweet version of Oh Susanna with the original lyrics on the screen. It uses the traditional form of one verse then one chorus, rather than the two verses and then a chorus form that has oft been used since and which I used in the Whitewater lyric:

Reject, NewsRevue Lyric (Unused/Incomplete), 6 March 1994

I must have written this one at the same time as The Graft In Little Rock City…

The Graft In Little Rock City, NewsRevue Lyric, 6 March 1994

…but it is incomplete and I didn’t even catalogue it, so my guess is that I felt it was less than satisfactory and was waiting for inspiration and/or the news to revive it…

…then I forgot all about it for 25 years.

Anyway, here it is. The idea of Hillary Clinton belting a lyric to the tune of Respect still pleases me…but probably not quite this lyric.

_ REJECT _

(To the Tune of "Respect")

VERSE 1

Hilary Clinton that’s me,
Bill should be a lot more PC;
All I’m asking is for a little less sex with bimbos
{just a little bit, just a little bit}
‘Specially when I’m home,
{just a little bit, just a little bit}

VERSE 2

Bill ain’t very strong, when it comes to women,
wrong woman
All I’m askin
Hit it, Billy C
(Sax Solo)

VERSE 3
give you money
return honey
give me proper home
re re

MIDDLE EIGHT
A REJECT
That’s what Bill considers me
DISSECT
I should cut off his willy.

OUTRO
Sock it to him sock it to him sock it to him sock it to him,
Sock it to him sock it to him sock it to him sock it to him,
just a little

Here is Aretha Franklin singing Respect with the lyrics on the screen:

While I’m at it, here is Otis Redding, who wrote the song, performing it live. Personally I love both the Otis and the Aretha versions of this song:

The Graft In Little Rock City, NewsRevue Lyric, 6 March 1994

Uploading this part of my lyric archive some 25 years after the event, April 2019, makes me realise that accusations of Presidential corruption in the USA are more commonplace than we tend to remember. Trump might be more awful and cartoon-villain-like than his predecessors, but many have had scandals hanging over their heads for much of their presidency.

I don’t recall this lyric being used much, if at all. Some good lines though. I had to look up Bernard Nussbaum – White House Counsel under Clinton…

…and I still couldn’t spell “Hillary” in 1994.

_ THE GRAFT IN LITTLE ROCK CITY _

(To the Tune of "The Boy From New York City")

INTRO – THE PRESS

De dum de, dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-de-dum,
De-dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-de-dum;
Oh-wah, oh-wah, cool cool Hilly, tell us how you worked with Governor Billy,
Oh-wah, oh-wah, Hilary Clinton, tell us all the things that you know went on.

VERSE 1 – HILARY CLINTON

We lived before, in Arkansas {yeh, yeh},
Which is the poorest US state you ever saw {yeh, yeh};
Bill’s a dope, who comes from Hope,
But with me pulling all his strings maybe he can cope {uh, uh}.
Oh-eee, you’ve gotta all believe, he don’t inhale {oh no} and don’t tell tales {oh no}.

MIDDLE EIGHT 1 – HILARY CLINTON

Bill thought that Whitewater was bonny, but still refused to sign;
He sold his colleagues up the Swanee, like Michael Hesteltine.

VERSE 2 – HILARY CLINTON

Oh-wah, oh-wah, we’ve no pity, tell us about the graft in Little Rock City;
Oh-wah, oh-wah, come on Hilary, the papers say that you both were ancillary.
I had a shock, in Little Rock {yeh, yeh},
When all those stories broke on where Bill stuck his cock {yeh, yeh};
If its true, he’s in deep doo-doo,
A la recherche de Paula Jones and Sally Perdue {who they?}.
Oh-eee, a press conspiracy, on how Bill grafts {yeh, yeh} and how he shafts {yeh yeh}.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2 – HILARY CLINTON

Now we’re in trouble for Whitewater, but if Bill’s got some sense;
He’ll take a tip from Shirley Porter, and shred all evidence; that’s smart.

OUTRO – PRESS AND HILARY OVERLAPPING LINES

{HILARY:Well alright, so he’s thick,
PRESS:Oh-wah, oh-wah, don’t be shitty, blow the gaff on graft in Little Rock City;}
{HILARY:But he’ll blame it all on Bernard Nussbaum so the flack don’t stick….
PRESS:Oh-wah, oh-wah, come on Hilary, the papers say the Clintons were ancillary}
(Repeat, dancing off)

Below or here is The Boy From New York City sung by The Ad Libs:

Here is a link to the lyrics of The Boy From New York City.

Billy You Ain’t No Hero, NewsRevue Lyric, 17 January 1994

I am especially fond of this lyric, not only because it did well in NewsRevue, but because Mike Hodd (the founder of the show) has oft told me that this is one of his favourite lyrics.

There are several versions of this lyric (Bill Clinton’s peccadilloes were gifts that kept on giving to satirists), the first of which I think was the most successful.

                                               BILLY, YOU AIN’T NO HERO

                                   (To the Tune of “Billy, Don’t Be A Hero”)
 
VERSE 1
 
The marching band went down along main street,
The presidential car behind;
Drum majorettes went down upon Billy,
Bill Clinton didn’t seem to mind.
And with her hand upon his shoulder,
A rather angry Hilary;
She firmly put him in a half nelson,
And set him on the pillory.
 
CHORUS 1
 
Billy, don’t be a plonker,
Don’t screw around all your life;
Billy, why must you bonk her,
Why not make do with your wife.
And as Billy jogged down the road,
He thought “where should I dump my load?”;
Billy don’t be an arse hole, don’t be a creep.
 
VERSE 2
 
The US troops are trapped in Somalia,
Cos Billy Clinton sent them there;
Don’t understand the wars he’s supporting,
Still pokes his nose in those affairs.
He was a pacifist objector,
When it was his neck on the spot;
But now that Bill is just giving orders,
He sends the troops in like a shot.
 
CHORUS 2
 
Billy, don’t play at heros,
Don’t waste American life;
Billy, don’t interfere, oh,
Stay home and fight with your wife.
Cos like with his girlfriends before,
He’ll go in and quickly withdraw,
Billy, you ain’t no hero, go back to sleep.

Below is a video of Paper Lace singing Billy Don’t Be A Hero with lyrics on the screen:

For the 1996 US Presidential election I revised the second verse and chorus thusly:

BILLY, DON’T BE AN ARSEHOLE 1996 ELECTION SPECIAL
(To the Tune of “Billy, Don’t Be A Hero”)
 
VERSE 2

The Grand Old Party locked deep in combat,
Dole and Buchanan fighting it;
One right wing bastard takes on another,
The public doesn’t give a shit.
Bill Clinton might get re-elected,
Despite the fact he’s made a mess;
It’s not because Americans love him,
They just hate Bill a little less.
(They said……)

CHORUS 2

Billy, don’t be an arsehole,
Don’t make America woyce (worse, pronounced Brooklyn style – “woyce”);
Billy Clinton or Bob Dole,
Or Ross Perot – what a choice!!.
Think of all the issues Bill ducked,
And of all the pussy he’s fucked;
Billy, don’t be an arsehole, go play with your sax.

BILLY: Someone mention sex??

Then, in early 1998, when subpoenas were supposedly coming in like confetti, I rewrote Verse 2 and Chorus 2 yet again:

BILLY, YOU AIN’T NO HERO – SUBPOENA REMIX
(To the Tune of “Billy, Don’t Be A Hero”)

VERSE 2

Bimbos’ subpoenas flood to The White House,
Claiming that Bill had stoked them up;
They called the roll of Bill’s jilted lovers,
Five hours later we woke up.
With Paula and Monica Lewinsky,
He bit off more than they could chew;
Bill’s trapped between Little Rock and a hard place,
He only wants his hourly screw.
(Or head).

CHORUS 2

Billy, thinks he’s a hero,
Roll with a hot dog or two;
Billy, you are a weirdo,
Why doesn’t Hillary do?
And while Billy plays with his sax,
He plans where he’ll next get some ac-tion,
Billy, you ain’t no hero, why not resign?

White House, NewsRevue Lyric, 8 November 1992

Bill Clinton was elected President and I felt motivated to write about it straight away for NewsRevue. This lyric did very well in the show; but not until early the following year when Mark Bowden and his troupe used it, when the Clinton’s actually entered the White House.

Writing exactly 25 years later, it is an interesting reminder that most of us weren’t too sure about Bill Clinton at the very start, although what would we give to have someone of his stature, albeit flawed, in the White House today…

…his wife, for example?

I didn’t know how to spell “Hillary” back then but I’ll cut and paste the lyric as I wrote it.

The writing log says 8 November 1992 but the electronic file reads 20 November, so I must have tweaked slightly – perhaps in response to it not being used immediately. 

One slight regret about this lyric is that it has rather messed up my perception of “Our House” by Crosby Stills Nash and Young. It is a simply superb song (enjoy the link below whether you know the song or not), but for a quarter of a century now, hearing it has relentlessly made Bill and Hillary Clinton pop into my head.

WHITE HOUSE

(A song for Bill and Hilary Clinton to the Tune of “Our House”)

 

VERSE 1

HILARY:I’ll light the fire, you use the powers,

As the Governor of State;

BILL:Sittin’ by the fire, with Gennifer Flowers,

While the wife’s out working,

She’ll be earning,

Ten times more than me, ee, ee,

All legally, ee, ee.

 

VERSE 2

HILARY:Deep in the South {BILL:Deep in the South}

With gravy, grits and gingham dresses,

God, Guns, Geeks and Goops;

BILL:Joint in my mouth,{HILARY:Joint in his mouth}

I smoke my spliff without inhaling,

Voters bought it,

They must be e-ven more stoned than me, ee, ee,

Ill-legally, ee, ee;

 

CHORUS 1

BOTH:Our house, is a very very very fine house,

Electric chairs will shock,

In down town Little Rock,

We rednecks kicked the shit out of George Bush;

We say, (cocking a snook)

Na, na, nananana, nananana, nanana nanana, nanananananananana,

(OptionalNa, na, nananana, nananana, nanana nanana, nanananananananana);

 

CHORUS 2

BOTH:The White House, is a very very very fine house,

White marble on the floor,

This sure beats Arkansas,

Though everything is hicky since George Bush….

….moved out;

 

VERSE 3

HILARY:I’ll light the fire,

BILL:While I wear the pointed hat,

And sheets that we bought to-day-ay-ay-ay-ay.

If you click through this link – here – you can also read the lyrics…or just watch by clicking below:

Snowbush, NewsRevue Lyric, 13 September 1992

The 1992 US Presidential Election provided a rich source of material for satirists.

Bill Clinton’s flaws as a candidate and an individual were well known before the election. It all feels a bit familiar writing 25 years later, except not quite so awful as the Trump election last year and the prevailing shower in  its aftermath.

Anyway, this lyric did well in NewsRevue, running for many weeks over that election period.

I recall one duo reprising the first line through gritted teeth as an additional last line – excellent idea:

SNOWBUSH

(A Duet for Bill and Hilary Clinton to the Tune of “Snowbird”)

VERSE 1 – BILL AND HILARY GAZE LOVINGLY INTO EACH OTHERS EYES

We Clintons live in harmony and sing,

While George and Barbara Bush have both mislaid the vision thing;

George sells war planes to Saudi Araby,

But still the dollar falls deep in our slump economy.

CHORUS 1 – GOSH, BILL AND HILARY MUST REALLY LOVE ONE ANOTHER

Dump your running mate or you will fail,

Cos we’ve got beefy Albert Gore and George Bush has Dan Quayle;

When George says “no more taxes” it’s untrue,

Cos if he could we know that he would try to raise a few.

VERSE 2 – SOME FRICTION MAY BE CREEPING IN TO THE SONG

BILL:Old George believes abortion is a sin,

And no-one’s homosexual in his 4,000 kin;

HILARY:But George and Bill’s morality concur,

When they both take a shine to chicks who are named Jennifer.

CHORUS 2 – HILARY SINGS ALONE

(While Hilary sings the final chorus, Bill slopes off into the audience to chat up any pretty females he can find there)

Girls like men with presidential powers,

But Bill don’t send me Gennifer when I ask for some flowers;

The man that I’m supporting is untrue,

And if he could I know that he would try a casual screw;

Yes, if he could I know that he would try-ay-ay-ay-ay a casual screw.

In October 1996 I wrote an update of this lyric, re-titled “Snowbill”:

SNOWBILL 1996 ELECTION REMIX
(To the Tune of “Snowbird”)

VERSE 1 – BILL AND HILARY GAZE LOVINGLY INTO EACH OTHERS EYES

BOTH We Clintons live in harmony and sing,
While Bob Dole cannot raise a vote and sure can’t raise his ding;
HILARY: We’re gonna get elected one more term,
BILL: Which gives me four more years to jog around and dump my sperm.

CHORUS 1 – GOSH, BILL AND HILARY MUST REALLY LOVE ONE ANOTHER

Spread your tidy lead and grow apace,
Bob Dole and Ross Perot are nowhere in this one horse race;
Republicans have near thrown in the towel,
Cos if they could you know that they’d have run with Colin Powell.

VERSE 2 – SOME FRICTION MAY BE CREEPING IN TO THE SONG

BILL: Bob Dole has many accidents and falls,
HILARY: At least the voters know that he don’t play much with his balls;
BILL: We all can make mistakes, just see our daughter,
HILARY: And please don’t ask to much about our profits from Whitewater.

CHORUS 2 – HILARY SINGS ALONE

(While Hilary sings the final chorus, Bill slopes off into the audience to chat up any pretty females he can find there)

Spread your tidy lead and stuff Bob Dole,
And try to keep your golf balls out of eighteen different holes;
The man that I’m supporting is untrue,
And if he could I know that he would try a casual screw;
Yes, if he could I know that he would try-ay-ay-ay-ay a casual screw.

[BOTH: (with irony) We Clintons live in harmony and sing]

Below is a YouTube link to Anne Murray singing Snowbird, with the lyrics on the video screen along with some sweet pictures of birds…the flighted variety: