Tag: Canal Cafe Theatre

Writing more than 25 years later (March 2019), I realise that the manner in which political parties govern themselves is and has been a perennial source of difficulty.

This lyric, from June 1993, in about the trades union block vote in the Labour Party constitution at that time. John Smith was the leader of the Labour Party then.

BLOCK VOTER

(To the Tune of “Blockbuster”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Oh-ah, oh-ah,
You’d better beware, of the union scare,
Cos people say Labour and unions would power share;
To come from behind, Labour party’s resigned,
That voting at the Labour conference must be redesigned.
 
VERSE 2
 
Oh-ah, oh-ah,
But just look and see, the TUC,
Won’t lie back and take loss of power quite that easily;
Bill Morris pouts, John Edmonds shouts,
And Labour must listen cos unions still have the clout.
 
CHORUS 1
 
Does anyone rue the day, they heard John Smith say,
SMITH:”We just haven’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, that he can clear away,
The block voters.
 
VERSE 3
 
Their backs were up, they all ran amok,
But ruining labour means unions are still all stuck;
The unions thought, their balls are caught,
This quarrel could be the last battle that Socialists fought.
 
CHORUS 2
 
Can anyone hear the way, or grasp what Jim Knapp says,
KNAPP:”We just haven’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, the TUC will sway,
The block voters.
 
CHORUS 3
 
Does anyone know the way, to change the folk who say,
VOTER:”Labour hasn’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, there’s got to be a way,
To win voters.
 
 

Below is a video of glam rock band, the Sweet, singing Blockbuster:

If you want to read The Sweet lyrics, then click here.

I submitted this one several times without success and even rejigged it a bit in October 1993 with hope for the John Random run, with similar results.

Perhaps foodie stuff just didn’t seem topical enough, although I feel that trend towards ubiquitous fusion food did kick off around then.

Indeed one of the ironies that comes to my mind on re-reading this song is that the Canal Cafe’s food concession was taken by a Thai chef soon after I wrote this song – probably the best food set up they had at the place during that 1990’s era.

Click here or below for a YouTube of the original recording of this song, Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree by Tony Orlando and Dawn.

Click here for a link to the original lyrics of the song.

Below is my somewhat improved October 1993 version of the song:

THAI AND YELLOW CHICKEN – VERSION 2

(To the Tune of “Tie a Yellow Ribbon”)

 

VERSE 1

I’m up in town I’ve done my job,

And at home there’s nothing cooking on the hob;

Me and my pals we’ll try a pub that’s called the Old Oak Tree,

We’ll have a simple dinner and we’ll drink a pint or three, but what’s this grub I see?

 

CHORUS 1

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the Old Oak Tree,

After three long pints we want chips and peas, {chips and peas}

We don’t want Myanmaran chicken or Vietnamese,

We’ll kick up a fuss, get on the bus, lets go home and see,

If there is something plain and simple down the old home freeze.

 

VERSE 2

My pals and I we’ll pay a call,

To the late night shops where there is a food hall;

We’ll choose some beer and lager then we’ll go and choose I guess,

Some simple cook chill dinners that we’ll buy from M&S, but these appeal still less.

 

CHORUS 2

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the old home freeze,

There’s Malaysian duck or there’s Guangdongese {Guangdongese}

There’s oven ready Singaporan beef and Pekinese,

A Pol Pot noodle, Rambutan strudel, someone spare us please,

From imitation oriental in the old home freeze.

 

VERSE 3

My pals and I we all agreed,

That we’re partial to an oriental feed,

But we like to taste the spices rather than a plastic sheet,

We’ll try the Chinese restaurant and get some food we’ll eat, then we’ll be replete.

 

CHORUS 3 AND OUTRO

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the old Chinese,

We’ll get three strong meals in the Gold Yangtze…….

But the whole food trade’s gone crazy,

Cos I can’t believe I see,

A hundred pukka pies and chips inside the Gold Yangtze.

(c) Ian Harris 1993

In expectation of the departure of Dr Hastings Kamuzu Banda, the Prime Minister and President of Malawi for several decades.

Actually he didn’t depart until about a year after I wrote this lyric.

About 30 years after I wrote this lyric, Janie and I went on holiday to Malawi:

Here’s the lyric; not one of my greatest hits to be honest. It doesn’t even scan well:

BANDA

(To the Tune of “Homburg”)
 
VERSE 1
 
This multilingual African,
Has reached his finale;
Leaving utter depravation,
In the state of Malawi.
 
VERSE 2
 
‘Tho Doctor Hastings Banda,
Has now run out of steam;
He once displaced Uganda,
As the world’s worst regime.
 
CHORUS
 
His power tricks are dirty,
And his human rights are wrong;
He’d better take off his homburg,
Cos his overthrow won’t take long.
 
 
(Once he actually goes the last line reads “Cos his overthrow took too long” – the rest of the song is consistent before and after his departure)
 

Click here for a vid of Procol Harem singing Homburg, with the lyrics in the blurb underneath…or just watch the vid below:

Here is a link to the lyrics for Homburg.

This little quickie speaks for itself, really. I’m not sure whether or not it was sued.

BODY DOUBLES (VOICEOVER)
 
Film experts in Russia report that the film “Indecent Proposal” has flopped.  The studio blames a translation mistake in the marketing blurb.  Instead of saying “watch sex scenes between body doubles” the advert said “see the Congress of Peoples Deputies”.
 

I’m pretty sure this wasn’t used. As much as anything else, another of my lyrics that works to “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”, the Princess Di Bulmia Song, was a perennial in the show at that time:

Anyway, this was presumably intended to be a quickie and to echo the other “Heavy” number.

IT AIN’T LEVY, IT’S A PLUNDER

(Quickie to the Tune of “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”)
 
The road’s gone wrong,
It’s blemished with dire sun burn;
Our motorways from the start,
Fall apart.
 
Delays long,
And we’re asked to pay for them;
It ain’t levy,
It’s a plunder.

Below is a vid showing the Hollies performing “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”:

This link – click here – will show you the Hollies lyrics.